Episodes

The intimate connections offered by our home life can go either way: towards snippy, isolated/isolating, defensive interactions or towards ever-greater connectedness and satisfactions. Jerry and Kristy consider this, in action, and conclude with a fight (done both from a less-mature point of view AND a wise-adult stance).

Jerry & Kristy consider the dual nature of words, as they are used in relationships. On the one hand they matter very much -- as they can be source of great pain or comfort. On the other hand some of the most profound moments of your relationship have very little with words. As with most tools humans use to connect or disconnect with each other, it is worth consideration. We culminate in a fight, showing both the damaging nature of words and their potential to initiate repair.

The fine (self-defeating) art of making small disappointments, disagreements and conflicts into major demonstrations of disastrous proportions is discussed by Kristy and Jerry. Alternatives are considered. We also -- finally -- resume our end-of-podcast fights, illustrating better ways of handling disappointments than couples often reach for.

This marks our first VIDEO-also podcast; we're setting up our You Tube channel as we speak, so you'll soon be able to see this one, and future ones, in al...

Jerry and Kristy explore the shaping of our self-esteem -- and the impact on later relationships -- that occurs related to our own body image issues. The impact of early family influences, societal messaging, the internet and advertising on internalized shame and doubt is profound, and shapes what we bring into our relationship with a similarly insecure human being.

How can you go about figuring if a relationship is really over? Whether you'd be happier without it? Kristy and Jerry discuss the intricacies of deciding when separating and ending a relationship is the right thing to do. Alternately: how can you come to peace with things that annoy you in your partner that just never seem to change?

Jerry and Kristy consider all the variations in "leaving" and the repercussions for the relationship. Healthy alternatives for taking space are considered. As usual, we have a fight at the end and show a better way of doing that.

Kristy and Jerry discuss the challenges and opportunities that exist when one member of a couple goes through changes about their religious beliefs (and practices). Does it always have to be a deal-breaker of epic proportions for the couple? And...what about any children who may be watching?

Kristy and Jerry take a deeper look at how self-esteem (yours!) remains at the core of a relationship's chances for success. The futility of trying to change your partner while not feeling good enough about yourself (or even knowing your own needs) is discussed, with special attention paid to each of the four quadrants conceptualized by Terry Real (and Pia Mellody) in Relational Life Therapy.

Is your partner a narcissist? And what are the implications if the answer is "Yes"? Is this term over-used, or under-recognized? What possibilities realistically exist for someone who is in a relationship with a narcissist?

Jerry and Kristy wrestle with this in today's episode.

You know the feeling; that moment when your spouse asks you to do something that you absolutely, honestly DON'T want to do. But they enjoy it. What do you do? Radical honesty in the direction of "taking care of myself"? Or....aren't there just times where you have to "bite the bullet" and "take one for the team"? And how is this different from co-dependency, or becoming a doormat? Jerry & Kristy consider this.

What happens, for a couple, after one partner has had an affair and it is now out in the open? What are the best things you can do (and the worst ones)? How long is the healing process? Is it really true that going through this together can lead to a closer relationship that existed previously? Jerry and Kristy consider it.

Talking about money -- and how it affects your relationship -- is one of the hardest things for a couple to do. Without even knowing that we are responding to our family of origin's stories and values we often develop resentments and major barriers to intimacy with our partners and don't know how to begin talking about it. Jerry and Kristy try to unravel some of this and suggest what healthy directions for conversation might look like.

Kristy and Jerry explore some of the most challenging types of disconnected moments between couples. How comfortable are men with crying, or big expressions of emotion? Do men run and duck, looking for cover, abandoning spouses, emotionally, just when their connected presence is needed the most? How can this cycle be broken?

We all want time to ourselves. But what about when that seems to conflict directly with connecting relationally to the significant others around us? What then??? Are there ways of maintaining healthy connections while giving ourselves what we need solo? Jerry and Kristy consider this.

Jerry & Kristy discuss the growing trend of angry politics ripping couples apart and testing their relationships as the media around them continue to provoke people to ever-rising levels of division. Alternatives are considered.

Jerry & Kristy ponder the ONE THING we'd love you to MOST GET in the realm of couples' therapy. And -- in preparation for a few weeks off at the end of August -- we have two excellent fake fights and demonstrate how things could be handled differently.

Let us know what you'd like to hear us cover, as topics, in our 2nd season, which begins in September.

In our follow-up episode Kristy and Jerry consider what we often here from women in sessions regarding being in a couple/marriage/parenting arrangement. We conclude with a seemingly spontaneous -- and annoying -- fight, showing how alternative ways of expressing/reacting get you better results.

What do (some) men sound like in therapy, to a couples' therapist? What are their initial presenting complaints? Can generalizations safely be made, after hearing the same themes repeated over and over again? Jerry & Kristy compare notes, and try to draw some positive momentum from it.

We also offer a sample couples' relationship fight, with it reworked using skills instead of verbal hand-grenades.

Ahhhh...the gentle (or powerful) allure of Other People. They're just....perfect. Aren't they? Wouldn't life be perfect with them? Jerry and Kristy consider the challenges, and illusions, the flashing attraction to others might bring.

Jerry & Kristy tackle the thorny topic of the intersection of sexual behaviors in relationships as they may reflect basic patterns of codependency. The importance of self-esteem, boundaries and other basics often get lost in the mix when another person's varied needs come into play. Strategies for achieving a sexual reset that offers mutual satisfaction in the actual world are considered.

Articles discussed in the podcast included: "I Tried Having An Orgasm A Day for a Month -- And It Totally C...

Kristy and Jerry look at 3 of the typical reactions to conflicts within relationships and wrestle with understanding the limitations of all of them. Can there be a different way? What does that look like and sound like?

Kristy & Jerry look at some ways that our failures to self-soothe and regulate our emotions impact relationships negatively. We illustrate with some tried-and-true roads to failure and then correct them, illustrating how differently it can be handled.

Is viewing porn good for your relationship? Your sex-lives together? How do couples actually integrate it into their relational lives? Or do they not do that at all?

Is there a serious downside to viewing porn? Or are the effects fairly benign?

Are there certain realms, even in relationships, that are, or should be, for just you?

Can any of this enhance your connection to your loved one? What are the pitfalls?

Jerry and Kristy consider the effect of porn on relationships.

Kristy & Jerry take on the wonderfully volatile, rewarding and challenging topic of sex within relationships. What does sex, in relationships, bring up for us? How do we reconcile our own desires, or lack of desire, for, and with, our partner? And just exactly how good could it be? What would happen if we talked about these things outloud?