Episodes
Seek First to Understand
Send us a text Identifying your feelings and then talking about them isn't enough. There is another person present in the relationship and reaching to understand THEM is the very challenge that we have to master in order for ...
That Third Day of Vacation Fight
Send us a text You finally both get to the vacation destination of your dreams -- something you've been saving for the rest of the year and it seems just great. Until the third day, when you have That Big Fight. Why is this s...
The Space Between Our Two Realities
Send us a text Sometimes it is hard to believe we are on the same planet, witnessing the same things as our partner but ending up with very different perspectives. Kristy and Jerry consider the "space between" and consider ho...
New Beginnings With the Same (Old) Partner?
Send us a text Is it possible? How can this be done? And what are the rewards? Jerry and Kristy consider the rewards and roadblocks to blazing new paths of discovery and adventure with your current partner.
The Long Ride Home After Couples Therapy
Send us a text Triumphing over technical difficulties for today's episode, Kristy and Jerry talk about that long ride home after couples' sessions. Variations on it are proposed, along with a reaffirmation of the purpose of c...
When the Adaptive Child Insists on Prevailing
Send us a text In this conversation, Kristy and Jerry explore the concept of the 'adaptive child'—the immature part of ourselves that can dominate our reactions during conflicts. They discuss how to navigate situations when o...
Self-Soothing
Send us a text In this conversation, Jerry and Kristy discuss the importance of self-soothing in relationships. They define self-soothing as the ability to observe oneself and step in to soothe oneself before reacting negativ...
How To Use Therapy
Send us a text Jerry and Kristy discuss the gap that can exist between "having good sessions" and actual change taking place, for either an individual or a couple. Tips for bringing the best of therapy to your actual relation...
Making the Most of Your Time Together
Send us a Text Message. It's almost astonishing how -- after lamenting how little time we "get" to spend with our partner -- we routinely ignore the basics of positive connection in the time we finally set aside to be togethe...
Diagnosing Your Partner
The perils and pluses of reaching a diagnostic understanding about your partner are considered. Voicing diagnostic lingo to your partner is considered in terms of being an usually-losing tactic. Of special consideration when ...
Repair
Jerry & Kristy take an extended look at the process of repair. Frequently misunderstood as a "moment" it is actually a relational project that requires vulnerability, bravery and follow-through. Specific applications of the ...
Money
Couples usually stumble over this ever-present elephant-in-the-room; what if you have different backgrounds, expectations and habits when it comes to personal finances? What are the implications for the two of you as a couple...
Patriarchy In Our Relationships
Jerry and Kristy consider the thorny impact of worldwide patriarchy on the way we function in our relationships. Alternative models are considered, as well as an understanding of how the status-quo we were born into results i...
Everything Breaks; Most Gets Fixed
You know the feeling when you just want to throw things away? When one too many things have occurred and you would just love to get rid of things (or your partner?) instead of working to fix them? Jerry ponders the convergenc...
Ego
What role does our ego play in helping, or hindering, connection with our partner? Kristy & Jerry unpack some of this together. Jerry reports some about his travel to Southern India and how long it took him to finally unpack ...
What If Your Partner Doesn't Want To Do "The Work"?
It's more rare than we would like that both partners in a couple approach "the work" of behavioral change with the same intensity, at the same rate, and in the same way. What happens if one person is much more enthusiastic a...
I Am DONE!!!
Memorable, highly-charged words and phrases are frequently heard in couples' therapists' offices. What they mean -- how they are understood between people who claim to love each other -- is often highly debatable and unclear....
The Selfishness of Addiction
An addict's path to recovery necessarily involves making amends and becoming more relational to the people around you whom you've wounded. But often people get caught at the "dry-drunk" phase, don't do the relational work (de...
The Challenge of Blended Families
It's not always The Brady Bunch. In fact, it almost never is. Kristy and Jerry explore some of the dynamics at work for members of blended families and try to "right-size" expectations to maximize opportunities for natural co...
The Holidays
Ahhhh...The Holidays. They are already here, and we are already scrambling to try to extract the maximum amount of family happiness and connection from situations that can also offer confusion, old, unresolved situations, thi...
Gratitude
Jerry and Kristy express their gratitude for the people, places and things in their lives, with a particular focus on their respective relationships. Being able to extract, and express, gratitude for that hard things that are...
Trauma & Your Relationship
Whether it is childhood trauma(s), the effects of societal prejudices, discrimination and stigmatizing or more recent adult losses of a traumatic nature, the ripple effects of trauma is shared with our partner in relationship...
Am I Crazy?
Do you ever feel strongly at emotional odds with most things around you? And then whether or not you are off-your-rocker and possibly The Problem because of being crazy? Just....different from others, in a major way? You aren...
Religious Upbringings
Our religious upbringings -- or non-religious upbringings -- can have implications and repercussions for our later intimate relationships, the likes of which we likely hadn't considered. Jerry & Kristy discuss.