#52 When to Push and When Not to Push
In this episode, Roy and Catherine answer a listener request from Anthony Semeroff, a three-time guest on Catherine’s other show, who asked when to push and when not to push. Roy takes it as a question about pushing himself. He has goals in his business and pushes towards them, but he has learned to notice when the battery is going down and not fight through it. He gives last week as an example: Thursday was incredible and he got a huge amount done, then on Friday he was at 20 percent, so he didn’t push and simply accepted it. Catherine says she has a tendency to overpush until she collapses, and she is practising not doing that. For her the key is whether she is pushing for something or against something. If she pushes when she shouldn’t, she is fighting her own energy and intuition, and that is when it doesn’t work. On a project she pushes when there is traction and momentum, but when everything is failing it’s the time to analyse why, decide whether to stop or revive it, and push again once it gains traction. She also applies this to coaching: you don’t push someone unless they have contracted with you to do so, in a fully informed way, and you don’t keep pushing after the push they asked for. She wants no one to push her unless she has asked, and says the same applies in personal and work relationships, and for coaches and therapists. She closes by inviting listeners to notice what they are pushing today, whether it feels constructive or like fighting something, and, without pushing, to tell people about the show.
Timestamps
0:02 - Welcome and today’s question from Anthony Semeroff: when to push and when not to push
0:49 - Roy: pushing yourself, watching your energy and accepting low days
1:49 - Catherine: pushing for vs against, projects with traction and pushing in coaching
5:54 - Sign-off
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The transcript spells the listener’s name “Semeroff” and I couldn’t check it, so confirm the spelling before posting.
[Speaker 1] (0:02 - 0:48)
Welcome to episode 52 of Different Points with my wonderful co-host Roy Colan and myself, Catherine Dwelling. So today's topic is when to push and when not to push. And this is actually a request from an amazing human being, Anthony Semeroff.
He's been a guest on my show, my other show, three times. He is a libertarian, an economist, a commentator, a psychotherapist, and a body worker and an author. So an amazing guy.
And he sent in this request to answer the question of when to push and when not to push. So thank you very much to Anthony for the question. So Roy, when to push and when not to push?
[Speaker 2] (0:49 - 1:49)
I suppose when I hear that, I think about myself, when to push myself and when not to push. So I've got kind of goals and I want to achieve different things in my business. I know I'm pushing myself and there's times then that you'll feel the battery's going down and then when not to push and there's times you have to take a few days off.
So I've learned to don't fight through that. And sometimes it can happen in a day where, you know, like last week, Thursday was incredible. I got so much done.
And Friday, 20%, you know, the batteries were gone. It was like when the energy was there pushing and everything's going good, it's not a case of, oh, I've got so much done. No, I'll stop.
No, when I have the energy and when I feel good and the next day it's like, you know, I don't push myself when I feel like that. I just say, okay, it is what it is and I accept it. So that's what I kind of, when I hear that question, that's what comes to mind.
[Speaker 1] (1:49 - 5:53)
Brilliant. I mean, for me personally, it's a very, very good question because I've got a tendency to overpush myself, to push myself when I shouldn't be. And when I do that, I get exhausted and then I can push myself to the point where I just then have to collapse and feeling terrible.
So that's something I've been practicing not doing that, but it's definitely something I have to be aware of. And I think, you know, you were saying, Roy, about not knowing when to push yourself and when not. To me, I have that as well, which is to do with, am I pushing for something or am I pushing against something?
So if I'm pushing myself when I shouldn't be, I'm actually fighting with myself. I'm pushing against what my energy really wants to do. I'm pushing against what my intuition knows I should be doing.
So I'm fighting against something and that's when it doesn't work. So on a project or in a business, sometimes for me, it's right to push. How can I put it?
If there's traction, if things are moving in a certain direction, then it's great to push and just keep going and take advantage of that momentum. But if everything's failing, that's not the time to push. Analyze why it's failing.
What's the problem? What's going on? And what could I then do?
Do I need to stop this project or is there a way to revive it and start doing that? And then when it starts to get some traction, then push. So it's also something in coaching that I think really relevant because some people think that coaching is about pushing people.
If you take on a coach, what you're doing is you're asking somebody to push you, but that's what their job is. Whereas I think that within coaching, if you want someone to push you, you take them on and you contract with them specifically to push you. And in what ways to push you and when to push you and when not to and in what ways not to.
So in other words, it's a contractive request rather than an automatic, almost imposition. So when I'm working with coaches, I don't push them unless they've said, okay, with this one, Catherine, I think I need you to give me a push. And I give them a push, but I don't keep pushing after that.
Because then I'm fighting against what they've actually said they wanted. And I think that's really, really important. And I'm the same.
I don't want anyone to ever push me unless I've asked them to do it because I can push myself. And I think that's very, very important in our relationships, our personal relationships, our work relationships. And let's say if you're a coach or even a therapist, or whatever it is, you don't push unless there's permission.
And that permission is given in a fully informed way. So I think it's actually a very, very important topic. So thank you.
Thank you again, Anthony, for the question. Very much appreciate it. And I know you're a man who completely understands about not pushing people unless they want to be pushed.
Because, you know, I know you get fantastic feedback from your from your clients. So thank you, everyone for watching and listening. Maybe pay attention to what you're pushing today and what you're not pushing.
And does it feel right? Does it feel constructive? Or does it feel like you're fighting against something?
So I'm not going to push you, but I'm going to invite you to let people know about the show. And thank you, everyone for all your support so far. And thank you to Roy.
[Speaker 2] (5:54 - 5:56)
And then we push the subscribe button.
[Speaker 1] (5:57 - 5:58)
Exactly.
