#10 Listening Beyond Words

#10 Listening beyond words
Welcome to Different Points, episode 10, with me, Catherine Llewellyn, and my wonderful host, Roy Colan. So today's topic is listening beyond words. So what's between the words? So I love this topic, because there's always so much else going on in every single conversation.

And sometimes what's going on in the conversation is absolutely not related at all to what's going on behind the conversation. And other times, it's very, very close to what's going on behind the conversation. And we can tell, I think, different feeling with that.

So, Roy, tell me about your experience of listening beyond words. So two things came to mind. One is, I'm watching the person as I'm talking to them, if I'm present with them.

And I'm just paying attention to the way they're reacting as well. Because sometimes people can say a certain thing, and you can see when they're lying, or you can see there's something up. So there's something, by just paying attention instead of just listening, that you can, and the more you get to know somebody, the more you realize how they do it.

I know sometimes a person might touch their nose, or look a certain way. And the other one would be in relationships. Because I know sometimes you've mentioned some things in relationships that are very interesting.

And when sometimes the partner is talking, usually the woman to the husband or boyfriend, they're telling him something. And it's like, no, do they want you to just listen? Or do they want your advice? And men always think she wants to know how to solve this. And then you piss them off.

So it's a case of, if you know, and sometimes have that conversation as well, so that you know, they just want you to be there to hold them, give them a cuddle, understand, but not trying to resolve it. And yeah, that's what I do. Beautiful.

I had a very funny conversation with a very good male friend, who rang me up to, just basically to sort of talk about how upset he was with the fact his computer wouldn't sort itself out. And this other thing wouldn't work and blah, blah, blah. And I immediately jumped in and started coming up with solutions.

And he stopped me and said, Stop, I don't want you to do that. I just want you to commiserate with me understand, you know, I said, Hold on a minute, I just became the man. Yeah, I don't call you for that.

He said, Be the woman. So I didn't listen beyond words. In that case, I completely ignored it.

And it was so funny to realize I'd done that I felt like I'd really put my foot in it in a big way. So if we don't listen beyond the words, sometimes we can completely misjudge what's going on. You know, and also, if you read any philosopher anywhere, they all say the same thing, which is that words, words alone cannot convey the truth of human experience, or of what we feel.

It's just not enough. Which is why, you know, you can't have a relationship by text. You can't have a relationship by text.

I don't care who disagrees with me. You know, you need to have that. You need to hear each other's voice, you need to feel each other's energy.

And preferably, you need to be in the same room with them. So you can actually sense what it's like to be with them. Because that's the actual truth of our experience.

We have a body, we don't just have a mind. So it's the listening beyond words is many other layers of reality and connection. Just what you said there, with texting and stuff like that.

I'm not a fan of that, it's just a waste of time. But whether it's WhatsApp, or whether it's Facebook, what I've noticed is sometimes I'll respond with something in jest, and they take it serious and gets put on a contest. So now I use my voice as much as possible.

So they'll know I'm joking and laughing. Whereas when you just write it, you don't know their reaction. And sometimes like they just start getting the hump for something that you've just wanted to have a laugh over.

So yeah, voice makes a big difference. Voice makes a massive difference. So listening beyond words, everybody, is really, really worth doing.

So the next time you get upset, because based on the words that someone has said to you, just also ask yourself, what did it feel like was with those words as well, before you get upset? Because it could be they said something that seemed hurtful, but really, there's something else going on that you could perhaps tune into. So thanks again for listening and watching everybody. And thank you, Roy, for being my wonderful co host.

Thank you. Take care.