Grief Week Recap

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:00

trigger warning, the Resilience Project provides an open space for people to share their personal experiences. Some content in this podcast may include topics that you may find difficult, the listeners discretion is advised.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:19

Hello friends, welcome to radical resilience, a weekly show where I Blair Kaplan Venables have inspirational conversations with people who have survived life's most challenging times. We all have the ability to be resilient and bounce forward from a difficult experience. And these conversations prove just that, get ready to dive into these life changing moments while strengthening your resilience muscle and getting raw and real.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:50

Welcome back to another episode of radical resilience. It's me Blair Kaplan Venables, and I'm here today with my sister. We just spent a week together 24/7 Actually, I think it was a bit longer than a week because grief week actually, I think was more like grief week plus one. Anyways, we're back from Palm Springs from the first annual grief week. Just to remind her grief week was the anniversary of our father passing on the 18th of February, our mother passed on the 23rd of February, we decided Let's always be together over those two dates. And let's be some more warm like where we were was supposed to be warm. And so we chose to rent a house and be in Palm Springs. So we are going to do a recap about how our week went Alanna I traveled separately to meet together and it was quite an adventure. It wasn't your typical just lying by the pool vacation. It was full of rest and adventure. So Alana, welcome to the podcast.

Alana Kaplan: 00:01:50

Thank you excited to be here.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:01:54

So let's talk about the vacation because you you got to Palm Springs before us maybe we should start with like the house rental.

Alana Kaplan: 00:02:01

Yeah, the house rental is an experience. Airbnb isn't something that we are new to. I think we've been using it since it started whenever that was, we've used it, this would be our third time using it for Palm Springs. And we've had very different experiences each time. This time was a little difficult if we're going to be honest here. The owners of this house, I think were very protective and particular about their rental. Yeah, let's just leave it at that they're very particular. And before we went, so we plan this photoshoot that we'll talk about in a bit. And we thought it'd be really nice to have hair and makeup and we invited them to the house. And in the 20 pages of instructions. It said only registered guests are allowed in the house. So I was like, Okay, well let them know, I can register the hair and makeup person. So I message the owners and they immediately got their guard up and said know that they did not feel comfortable having these people in the home they've had bad experiences before. I think one of the things they said was that they were worried about hair and the drain, which I mean it was just us to installing our hair in the drain anyway and our hair was in the drain because I shed a lot so anyways. So it was it came to the point where they like offered us to cancel the Airbnb and we were like, no, we'll just go somewhere else to go we probably

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:03:45

in hindsight, she probably should

Alana Kaplan: 00:03:48

have cancelled it. So that was the experience going in. I mean, I had lovely conversations on the phone with the owners and you can tell they care a lot about this place. I just want to say though, if you are risking having an Airbnb, know that there are risks and that like not everything is going to be perfect. I would say we are typically really good Airbnb guests. I would wonder if they would disagree with that. But we'll talk about that later on. And we paid a lot of money to have the pool he did I think more than market value if I'm going to be honest after I did some some looking around like

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:04:30

Atlanta, Atlanta is not saying the price we paid over $1,000 Extra to heat the pool. Where other houses

Alana Kaplan: 00:04:37

were offering like $400 to do that. I mean, I love the pool. I love swimming. I like it was either that or we don't go in the pool. But $1,000 is a lot.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:04:48

Should we talk about your first day experience in the pool before you came to get me?

Alana Kaplan: 00:04:52

We should? Yes. So on the very first day, I got there very early and was so excited to go in the water wasn't even hot out. I think it was like 15 Under 16 degrees Celsius, but the sun was out, I got to the house immediately put my bathing suit on and went in the water and is on my phone scrolling and ticking about on tick tock as I do. And keep this in mind because that sets the scene for the rest of my trip. Because then, after I got out of the water, I showered, I went to do my errands to get food at Trader Joe's and target and then picked up Blair. And then when we went back to target I said to Blair, is it raining outside? Because I felt what felt like raindrops on my hands, which I've never felt before. It wasn't the typical like, Oh, my hands are asleep. My foes are asleep. Like it literally felt like it was raining on my hands. And I kept touching my hands being like, why is there no water? So that was my first day. I know Blair also had a very interesting first day and I'll let her share that now.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:06:01

Yeah, I mean, first of all, our mother was a dental hygienist teeth are very important to our family. In fact, like till the day she died, she was flossing. And so I only have a couple cavities. I've never had braces. I have pretty good dental like hygiene, I think. Anyways, I was eating a wine gum. And I like Wine Gums, but I only buy them on special occasions, because I try to eat healthy. And this was a special occasion and I was flying. Anyways, I was I chewed into a wine gum and then I felt something crunchy. And I was like that's weird why I thought there was like a chip in my wine gum. And like that's a really weird like thing to be in there. And then like my tongue felt that like there was a sharp piece happening on my tooth and long story short, I pulled out a filling. So my week involves mouth pain. So I'm Yeah, and it was funny. Like Alana just kept saying that it feels like there's water dropping on my hands. I was like, I don't know that's that's really weird. Like maybe you have nerve problems because our father had nerve problems and like maybe you've nerve problems like dad maybe we're both very like empathetic people and like maybe you're like just channeling like dad's pain. Because you know, we're coming up to those days. So moving forward Yeah, that we had a really nice first night together. The next day was really relaxing. Alana laid in the sun some more. And I spent the day napping and working I you know, would nap a bit have a meaning nap a bit. And then that night I did something that I don't normally do. But Alanna somehow convinced me and I think it's because I have this Amazon Prime show coming up. But we went shopping to the outlets. And also what's really special about this trip is so we always rent a car. And it's always me driving. And Alanna was also the driver. So it was really nice to share the driving. And so Alana agreed to drive out to the outlets and we had like food court food and went into some shops and I ended up with some slippers. And some things but yeah, like the first day was pretty like first full day was pretty awesome. And do you have anything to add to that? Atlanta?

Alana Kaplan: 00:08:00

No, it was a standard day like we standard, whatever standard means. We ate our Trader Joe's food. We just enjoyed it. There was a nice day. Yeah. And then the 18ths came. And then the 18th came which, sorry, backing up to the night where we went shopping. I again, notice the raindrops on my finger. My hands. I was like it still feels like raindrops and it kind of stuck. kind of hurts, but again, couldn't figure it out. So we wake up on the 18th My hands look like their chaps.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:08:39

Like a lobster

Alana Kaplan: 00:08:40

like a lobster. But only the parts where it's like my index finger on both hands. It was like a symmetrical thing. index finger and thumbs. And after talking with Blair, we realized oh, it's actually for me holding my phone. So if you hold your phone with both hands picturing sorry I'm doing it right now to mimic at the end, I guess my case reflected extra that the sun real really liked my hands as well as I'm on medication currently that makes me photosensitive. So it was a recipe for disaster. Anyways, we wake up, my hands now hurt. We go on a hike. And so we go to a place where we've, we thought we'd been before but we weren't quite sure .

Alana Kaplan: 00:09:36

So we went to the place. That place was called Andrea's Canyon. And so Palm Springs is a desert. But this little area was a mix of everything. There was water. There was greenery there were palm trees. There were rocks that made you look like you were in Jurassic Park. It was a really cool experience and a nice way to go Start the day of being sad. And then I can't really remember what happened the rest of the day because I was in so much pain. I think I went and bought pain meds or something.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:10:10

Yeah, you walked to Walmart, I think to buy pain meds. Yeah, that hike was great. It was Andreas canyon in the palm canyons area i We both highly recommend it because we did the hike a few times. And it was gorgeous. Atlanta was in a lot of pain. I can't tell you what we what I did the rest of the day. I think we just relaxed by the pool. Like I have pictures of us sitting by the pool. So that's what I remember doing. Do you remember anything else from that day?

Alana Kaplan: 00:10:34

What else did we do?

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:10:36

Well, I can tell you that like this was the first anniversary of her father passing and like grief is very lonely. And it's great that Alana and I were together, and it was really nice to the people like the friends and family who did reach out but it felt really, it felt really lonely. It felt really, really lonely. And I don't I can't put my finger on it. And I think it's you know, when someone dies, you're you're held by your community when right after it happens. But that that grip of being held fades away, and everyone goes on with their life. And I'm not you know, I don't need someone to like bring me meals all day and stuff. But this is just a PSA like, check in on those people who've lost people, whether it's a year ago or five years ago, especially if you know, like, we were not hiding that it was the death anniversary of our dad or mom like we were on grief week. So, you know, we made it very public. And so I don't know what I'm expecting or what I need. But I can tell you that it felt really lonely. And I yeah, I felt really like isolating.

Alana Kaplan: 00:11:34

Well, I also want to add something I read in all of the grief readings I've read is to put the desk dates of people you care about like in your calendar. And Blair and I were talking about this because I actually I have an unfortunate amount of friends who lost important people in their lives and I know all of their dates and so they're ingrained in me and they're in my calendar. And I make sure just to like even like said the heart. But you're right it did feel lonely. And I do want to say just because we're like we're not sorry if you're feeling uncomfortable with the grief that we experience and are talking about that's something for you have to work through everything everyone is going to experience grief in their lives and it's it's a it's a shitty feeling to feel but we're all going to feel it. So learn how to deal with it. Like sorry, you're uncomfortable, but that's a you problem.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:12:41

Yeah, like it's an issue not an issue me like I mean, essentially, it is an issue if you can't support us, but if you've never experienced significant loss you know, you might not know what to say or do and like Alanna said just sending a heart She means sending a heart emoji in a text. And some of the best messages I got were like, even just comments on the post I made just showing that you're thinking of us, I think is is enough like we don't need some parade or like, you know, grand gesture. But I don't know it's interesting, right? Remember this is sort of new for us like we last year when we were mourning the one year anniversary of her mom or dad died like right before then so it's this is a really really like interesting time in our lives. But yeah, that day, it was interesting. I don't we didn't really do much. We kept a pretty low key. Alanna walk to Walmart to get pain meds she did some research. And she used the word photo sensitivity, like probably 3 million times. Like if I was drinking it would. And I was taking shots every time she said I would be very drunk. But the next day we had the photoshoot right?

Alana Kaplan: 00:13:42

Without the photoshoot the next day. Yes, it was

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:13:45

okay, so that was awesome. So we woke up and got ready. And we went over, we drove to like a little community nearby. And we got our hair and makeup done from two phenomenal ladies, they were awesome. And then you can check out their work in our social media posts. We tagged them. And then we met up with Melissa, our photographer in Joshua Tree, which was an hour from where we were staying. And what was really cool about this as we hire her three flytographer mai I heard about them at a wellness retreat, many moons ago, maybe seven years ago because Nicole the owner was there. And I thought it was such a cool concept about like, when you're going somewhere you can type in the location and they vet photographers and you can hire a photographer through them and for different lengths of time and different experiences. And right before the pandemic, we had a really beautiful photoshoot in Palm Springs with our mom. Thank God. We did. And we use flytographer And it was such a great experience. And so Alanna and I were like let's just do it again. And you know, we need new marketing photos for this project to the global Resilience Project anyways, so this is great. And oh my god, Melissa was our photographer and she was amazing. So first of all, Joshua Tree is phenomenal. If you're ever in the area, like make sure you make it a stop. It was a long weekend so it was busy, like super busy. But yeah, it was. Yeah, it was a really nice day like Alanna and I had a lot of fun and the photos are great Alanna looks like a

Alana Kaplan: 00:15:11

supermodel. These photos of glasses modeled these specific Well,

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:15:16

I think a supermodel Alanna, this photographer. Melissa was amazing. And you're gonna start seeing those photos rollout. But that night, we were both exhausted.

Alana Kaplan: 00:15:25

We went for dinner actually. So yeah, right. A friend of mine. Knowing that this was our grief week actually sent us a gift card to a restaurant in Palm Springs. So we went there and it was fantastic. Best Angel Hair pest I've ever had.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:15:45

Oh my god, wait, we walked in and we ran into a family member from Winnipeg. Shout out, Phyllis. And Alvin. Like, it was so nice to see our mom's cousins. Like they're, they're our cousins. We grew up with them. And like, you know, they're around our our parents age, it was just so nice to run into family. And it's funny because like, we were in Palm Springs, and we didn't really know they were there.

Alana Kaplan: 00:16:10

Yeah, I mean, could expect it because there's so many people on my flight all the way down that I recognized or knew. But yeah, and then so the dinner was fantastic. Thank you for the gift card. You know who you are. I'm not sure if you want a personal shout out so I'm not going to but I know you listen to this. And then on the way home, we stopped at target so I can buy a hat to protect myself from future photosensitive

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:16:39

tivity because not only were her hands lobster red, but so was her schnoz.

Alana Kaplan: 00:16:45

Which it still is today.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:16:46

Yeah, like she like it's crazy because we're we are we're people who love the sun. And so we know what usually we get a suntan and then maybe sometimes we get burned but we wake up the next day and it's a tan but that's not happening for Alanna, which is very like different but yeah her Her nose is on the mend Her hands are on the mend, but yeah, we got a hat so then the day after that, what did we do? I think we lay by the pool.

Alana Kaplan: 00:17:09

I think it was like one of the only really nice days

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:17:12

Okay, so we lay by the pool all day.

Alana Kaplan: 00:17:16

Yeah, and then I think we went on a walk

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:17:19

we went yeah, we did. Okay, so that day that nothing really big to report but then we had our Disney Day and

Alana Kaplan: 00:17:27

that was fun. That was a time

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:17:29

Okay, so we're not going to like go too deep into it because like that's we don't need to hear all the boring details but we woke up I woke up at five to do some work and we got in the car by six and we were at Disney by nine that was a pretty long drive. Atlanta and if we haven't a hilarious time driving there sidebar Alana loves she can't not dance to song she likes or sing. And that was really fun. But yeah, so Disney was awesome. Like I'm so grateful I got to do that with you Alanna like you know it was hilarious. We had like she Alanna like knew what's up she got us our lightning Lane passes and we made some reservations on the rides with the long lines and we did the classics. It's a small world and the Alice in Wonderland and Astro Blasters and walked around and ate snacks and went on a boat and it was amazing but Alanna is big thing was you have to do Space Mountain. You have to and US Kaplan sister's like I've had brain injuries and Lana has like a vertigo thing going on. And Space Mountain if you've ever been is like a roller coaster, but it's kind of 3d. Well, that was amazing. But I cry. It's in

Alana Kaplan: 00:18:30

the dark. Yeah.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:18:32

It's like in the dark like it look you look like you're in outer space. But like basically I couldn't. I just was screaming and I actually was like crying like I'm not like sobbing but water was coming out of my eyeballs. And it took me it took me in Atlanta some time to recover. Like I had to sit on a bench for like, at least like 45 minutes. Like that was crazy. I almost barf. I got off the ride and I almost fell over and some man grabbed me.

Alana Kaplan: 00:18:55

Yeah, and I I also hurt myself as I got off the MRI and still have a bruise on my leg from it. So

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:19:03

amazing. It was a time. Yeah. And also it wasn't really that warm. And so we were underprepared. Well, I was underprepared. And I did bring her dead, dead parents society shirt. But I felt kind of weird wearing it around so many young kids being so happy. I didn't want to be that bummer. And I don't I don't know why I just was like, okay, it was a great excuse to buy Disney merch. So Atlanta, I got matching Mickey Mouse shirts, and I bought these bright yellow pants with Mickey Mouse embroidered and what was hilarious about that is that every second person had this sweater on, like every second person, but I think out of the 1000s and 1000s and 1000s of people that were there and did not see anyone else wearing those yellow pants. And that was hilarious. And Star Wars has that new section there. I think it's new ish. And like we went on the last ride that we went on. First of all, it started raining, but the last ride we went on was like very weird.

Alana Kaplan: 00:19:53

And Smugglers Run I think

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:19:56

we're Yeah, maybe we were smuggling things but like it's like an interactive video game. When we were with this like, Lady and child, and they were the drivers like they were the pilots and Alanna and I were the gunners, and basically it gave us the same the Space Mountain vibes of like, wanting to barf. And so I looked over to Lana and she was like hanging off her chair like, just like her eyes were covered by her hand and like she just pressing this button aggressively. And like I was doing, but less like less pitiful.

Alana Kaplan: 00:20:25

remind you we this wasn't like a roller coaster. Like this was one of those. Like you're in a room. And yeah, for the filling. We weren't even moving. But I still thought,

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:20:39

what would we felt like we were moving because it was so realistic. Like it was a really cool ride. Like that was super neat. Like, I am grateful we had that experience. Again, it took time to recover, and then it started raining. And so we got in the car. While we did like the adventure back to the parking lot. And we drove home. And I did not take as long to get home. It was a really big day. It was really amazing. My one like riegert regret is I didn't get to meet Cinderella. I didn't actually see many characters, the app, you can see where the characters are. And I know when we got there Cinderella was somewhere. But by the end of the day, I was just like my head hurt from like, just all the nauseousness. And there are so many people there and I got to actually meet a bunch of like, in line you meet people and I met a lot of really like really cool little girls who were like turning five and four, and it's their birthdays. And they went to the Bippity boppity boutique to get their princess bonds done. And it was really cool to watch them experience Disney through their eyes because I don't have kids and I've never been there with a child. But yeah, I don't know. That was I was great. And I never need to go and Space Mountain again.

Alana Kaplan: 00:21:44

I just want to also to set the scene, the end of the day. So it was raining. And one thing you should know about Blair is when she's ready to leave, she's ready to leave. So it was like we were getting it from? Well, no first week corndogs so we had corndogs in the rain. And then we gotten to the 20 Minute journey back to the car in the rain. And because it doesn't typically rain in California. I don't think the cement, whatever it is, is meant for it. So we were walking on like wet cobblestone trying not to fall. So just picture that has really big.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:22:24

Yeah. So and then yeah, so and I drove home too. So I got a gold star that day. I got the gold star. And Alanna I made her stay awake the entire time. And she did and I like was basically borderline a migraine but we did it. We made it home. I didn't have to pull over and have a nap. The next day I was hungover like hungover from the people in the Disney in the driving and I was tired. I think I spent most of the next day in bed.

Alana Kaplan: 00:22:49

Yeah, I to be honest, I can't even remember what we did that day.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:22:54

Yeah, I can tell you I slept all day in bed. I you know, I needed I needed a day to recover. You know, ever since the pandemic like things are just different. Like I could be around people but I need to recover and like there was a lot of people at Disney. Like there were so many people and like it was very overstimulating and I don't know, I just needed to recover. And also the drive was exhausting. Like, you know, it was like a whole travel day. And then the day after Disney was

Alana Kaplan: 00:23:20

like truly, I think it was number three, the day after the Disney day after that after.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:23:27

Okay, so I don't know what we did for two days. Maybe we lay by the pool while aLana didn't Atlanta like if she was by the pool. Yeah, Atlanta tried to live with the pool in the shade. It didn't work. She tried to live by the pool under like a towel in the shade with like all her clothes on. It didn't work. I kept telling her to put like socks on her hands. So yeah, I think we had some more relaxing by the pool. And then mom's anniversary death day.

Alana Kaplan: 00:23:51

It was really rainy.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:23:53

Yeah, it was like well, the morning the morning we got up and we went to Andreas Canyon again, which we renamed did we name it orphans Canyon. Anyways, we went to the same hike we did on the day dad passed away this time we actually brought our merch shirts to get some content. And I'm so glad we did like that was such a beautiful hike. And it wasn't it's the sun sort of came out. It wasn't really rainy. It started to split at the end. So we started the day off really beautiful like in nature. I'm really grateful for that. Like, I don't know, I feel like mom had a bit of a part in that. Sorry to

Alana Kaplan: 00:24:27

interrupt. I remember we went to Lulu the night before that. Oh, yeah. So Lulu this restaurant that reminds us of a cruise ship. And we went there with mom so we make we make sure to go there whenever we can. And it's a little I don't know, I think inflation is kind of in affected.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:24:53

For the memories not for like the food and the experience.

Alana Kaplan: 00:24:55

Yeah, the foods fine, but inflation has definitely made its mark I got Lulu. Yeah,

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:25:02

yeah, so back Yeah, so we did Lulu I found a shirt that I might be wearing on my TV show. I'm gonna have to try some outfits on with it, which I hate shopping. So Alana was a trooper. And yeah, Mum's the anniversary mom passing had a beautiful hike. We relaxed I felt like I we did some work on the global Resilience Project. And Alanna wants to say something

Alana Kaplan: 00:25:24

while I went to Target because when in doubt, when you're sad go to Target.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:25:29

Yeah, that was really important to get in writing was really important. And then actually was really nice. One of our mom's best friends. It's a couple from Winnipeg, they were in Palm Springs, and we actually met them for dinner and it was really really nice to be with them. And it was a beautiful way to end our trip. And and, and, you know, the second anniversary of our mother passing you know, we have I bought some new podcast equipment I was trying to set up a configure it out but you know, I don't know I felt like this. This anniversary for mom was logistic with that and like I felt really lonely less. I heard from less people. People that I thought I would hear from who are related to us. Like I you know, I felt it was weird. It's weird. Death is weird. Grief is weird. But Alanna and I hate each other. And I'm so grateful for you Alanna like, oh my god, what would we do without each other? Okay, so and then the neck. Do you have anything to add about the second last day?

Alana Kaplan: 00:26:27

About your? Well, I actually it's interesting. I had a lot more people reach out to me on mums mums anniversary, rather than dad's anniversary. And it's not like a comparing of the two. But again, a lot of people in my life who lost someone knows the day and messages me and so it's kind of like we have like our little built in dead parents society, where we all know each other's death date. That's it. Yeah.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:26:57

And then yeah, the next day we left so we cleaned the Airbnb, we got took the garbage out, we made sure that we left it pretty spotless. We left some food in the fridge because that's what we usually do, because like, some of the stuff wasn't even open and we left some stuff on the counter. The instructions were very clear. Like don't strip the beds. Don't wash the towels. Like you know, don't you didn't even ask us to take the garbage out. No problem. So

Alana Kaplan: 00:27:19

destruction. Sorry to interrupt. The only instruction was lock the windows and doors. Yeah. So

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:27:26

Atlanta and I told instructions and went to the airport drop off the car. We both got on our planes. Mine was late. Man, you know, my adventure home was ridiculous. You know, I went from Palm Springs to Calgary, Calgary to Kamloops. And my flight flight was delayed about an hour and so the airline thought I was going to miss my connection, which I didn't. When I landed, I got to my gate for my Calgary to Kamloops. They weren't even boarding yet. And then eventually, we were boarding and I got there and they said, Oh, you've been pulled off this plane. And so they made the decision to pull me and this other guy off. They thought we'd make miss our connection. But we didn't. So instead of getting on a 6pm flight, we had to wait till like 1230 in the morning. It was ridiculously waiting in line like WestJet shouldn't have done that it was they you know, it was just chaos. But you know, we had it pretty good. Like there was a flight to Regina canceled and like, no one could get on a flight to like March 2 Or third. So that was bananas. But I made some line friends and had some dinner with my new line friends and now I mean, you know have a Kamloops friend. But yeah, like it was crazy. So then we get finally get home and we land in the airport and my luggage did not come out. My luggage did not come out and i My heart sank and like of course like I mean like I know I expect it to happen. But really what happened was that plane I got pulled off of my luggage made it on. So my luggage my luggage got home when I then the reason they pulled me off and Clint put me back on was because I have to travel with my luggage. So silly. WestJet silly, silly. WestJet Yeah, I made it home super late. I'm still recovering from that I didn't get home till after 2am. And yeah, and so and this weekend, I've just kind of been resting and starting to do some prep for my trip to Nashville and getting some ducks in a row with my business. And Alanna, how was your journey home?

Alana Kaplan: 00:29:09

You know, typical winter also had some delays, although I'm not really sure what my delays were for. So instead of getting back at midnight, I got back at like 230 So I'm also still recovering. But it was pretty uneventful. I went to the lounge I am one of those people who's like I'm not bougie in life, but when it comes to travel, because it makes me so anxious. I try to be as bougie as I can. So I hung out in the lounge had some corn and rice because that's what I was craving of what they had and meatloaf. I don't know it was weird. It was it was fine. But then,

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:29:47

but then this is uh this is like how the trip ended. So yesterday I had to get my hair my hair trimmed, and I was getting like messages and texts from Atlanta. I'm like, I'm busy and so then I like failed. Then she sends me a screenshot and I'm gonna let you tell this story.

Alana Kaplan: 00:30:01

So I get a notification from Airbnb. And the owners essentially say, we they rolled up, they're requesting money from us, because there were stains on the bed, which I'm fairly certain were not mine. But they look like what the stains look like is, you know, when you have white sheets and people sweat, and it's people sweat repeatedly. That's what it looks like. And then there was a little bit of chocolate, I think on another, I don't know. And then so there was pictures of that. And then also saying that we left garbage everywhere, and with the pictures and the pictures, were five cans of empty, bubbly, beside the sink, and whatever was in the fridge in a garbage bag. And that's it. And so that's what they that's what they requested from us. And it was a little ridiculous. I've never been requested money. Also they're saying that we left it a mess, but like we didn't, and we paid for cleaners, so it shouldn't really matter if we did.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:31:11

We did not leave it a mess. And I even double checked out like I'm like Alanna, what does it say we even took out bags and bags of garbage. So I mean, like, I'm not gonna throw this this couple under the bus. But if you're going to rent a house in Palm Springs, you should maybe run it by us and we'll tell you if you should or shouldn't. But it was really ridiculous like, because they said that they wash the sheets with bleach and this and that and they couldn't get the stains out and the stains that's like they're they're claiming they couldn't get out. Like weren't from us. It was very clear and they were just like we use 300 million thread count made of Unicorn tears, blah, blah. Anyways, long story short, that was like really like shitty way to end. I told Alanna to fight it. She's like, I'll just pay it but like, we made the decision no more Airbnbs for grief week. And so just so you know, I love traveling. But like my least, like, this is such a privileged thing to say and I feel kind of like an idiot. But like, I used to not like cruises. Like I'd rather not go on vacation and go on a cruise. And like when we would go and family cruises my mom would have to pay for me because like, I'm like, I'm not coming. I'm not spending my money on a cruise. Like that's stupid. And like since then I've become sober and like, my life is different. I'm basically a golden girl. And so Alanna and I were just texting yesterday, yesterday, like when we got the notice from the Airbnb and I'm like, we're just talking about like, No, we don't really need an Airbnb anymore. Like, we don't really cook much we order food we go out we you know, like, it's less, it's less of a fucking hassle to have a hotel. And so

Alana Kaplan: 00:32:44

So I we, I just should say maybe on day four, day five. Grief week, Blair made a comment about maybe being open to the consideration of cruise again. And when she said that it burned inside my brain because I know Blair does not like cruises. Like,

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:33:04

they've decided that like, I want to be on a vacation and I want to be taken care of.

Alana Kaplan: 00:33:10

Yeah, so I was looking at cruises ever since I got back and after this hassle yesterday, we booked a cruise. And we are each getting our own room which is something we've never done before. And we're each getting a balcony which is something we've never done before on a cruise. Yeah.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:33:31

So briefly 2024 is going to be an Eastern Caribbean cruise. That sounds interesting to you and you want to join the grief week cruise and you know us or you want to you want to know us we can tell you where it is and you can book yourself on that cruise. But you know, our mum loved cruising Alanna love cruising loves cruising. And so this is a good way to honor mom. And like let's just like also back up like we wanted to be hot and sad. And like the Palm Springs weather like it was at one point snowing in Joshua Tree not while we were there. Like it was cold. Like it was like seven degrees like we had the heat cranked. And so we know on a Caribbean cruise, we're gonna get at least some better weather. And you know, because my goal in life isn't to like party and get drunk and meet as many people and I just want to relax and be warm and like, I'm a bit more chill. You know, I'm open to having this experience. And it's great that I have my own room. And Alanna and I are next to each other and we have balconies so I have my own space to go and be sad or have my downtime. And we have we're close together. And you know the cruise ship offers this whole experience. And so, you know, grief week 2024 Maybe this is a scouting trip. Maybe if this goes well we plan like grief cruises. I don't know listeners out there. Do you want to go on a grief cruise like if you're feeling sad and you want to like five days of happiness and like support from other Grievers? Maybe we just like look, maybe this is a research trip.

Alana Kaplan: 00:34:51

Maybe five days in the hydrotherapy spa, because we have saw rooms which means we have access to the Sun On the since that yeah find a feel like this

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:35:02

was the last the ship was like something similar was the last ship we were on with mum.

Alana Kaplan: 00:35:06

Yeah, this is like a new version. But we were in like a spa room side with mom last time. So

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:35:12

yeah, so briefly 2023 I mean, like, we didn't really have any expectations. And so I guess like it was great, but sad and you know, we survived it. And now we have great grief week 2024 In the books, which means, you know, next year we're going to be warm and sad in the Caribbean. And what the other bonus of cruise ships are is like they're gonna come clean our room every day, like we don't have to cook there's food. We don't have to think everything is done for us. We don't you know, I think it's going to be really good because there's going to be like a lot of us just having to show up and exist, which is basically what we should be doing. So that's that was briefly like a you know, it wasn't as hot as we wanted it. But it was fun went to Disney. That was cool. We did some hikes. We walked around the area, the hosts were Cuckoo. Cuckoo. And yeah, we got to spend some time together. So, you know, if you, I've shared what we were doing with a lot of people, I mean, including all of you listening and you know, I've gotten some feedback, like that's great that you have a ritual around grief. It's really great that you have this beautiful you know, ritual. I have friends texting, how's your mourn Keishon how's your grief Keishon and, or has your grief vacation and so, you know, maybe that's a great way for you to honor someone that you love that's loss is creating a ritual around it. And so Alana and I have grief week, which is spring break for Grievers. We invite you to steal that not trademark it or anything but if you want to have your own grief week, it doesn't have to be multiple losses. It can just be one it doesn't have to be a full week but you know, we invite you to create a ritual around that. Alana any parting thoughts?

Alana Kaplan: 00:36:49

No, I think you've covered

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:36:52

amazing Well, thank you to everyone who tuned in to this episode of radical resilience. Remember, it is okay to not be okay. You are resilient. Life is gonna get really hard let us be the lighthouse in the storm or the light at the end of the tunnel. And I think my sister's be real just went off while recording this. I knew it. Yeah, and just know that you're not alone. You have us You have the global resilience community. Our book is open for applications right now. If you're interested in being a part of it, go to the global resilience project.com Click the link in the bio. We're accepting 125 stories to be in the next book, which is going to be out in late 2023. And just remember you are resilient.