Sept. 8, 2026
Be Her: What Ella Langley's Song Reveals About Idolizing Our Ideal Selves
Ella Langley's country song "Be Her" describes a woman who seems to have it all figured out — grounded, secure, at peace — and an aching desire to become her. At first blush it sounds like a song about envying someone else. Yet, the lyrics aren't describing another woman; Langley sings about the version of herself she wishes she could become. In this episode, we use that ache as a lens on one of the sneakiest idols we build: not comparing ourselves to an influencer or a stranger, but to an idealized version of ourselves. It's a "her" that stays just out of reach. We talk about why that chase can never actually deliver peace, what Scripture says about being transformed into an image that isn't self-made. To have this kind of ache is human, but there's only one place the ache can be cured.
Key Scripture references:
- 1 Samuel 16:7 (man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart)
- Romans 12:2 (do not be conformed, but transformed)
- 2 Corinthians 3:18 (being transformed into his image, from one degree of glory to another)
- Colossians 3:3 (your life is hidden with Christ in God)
- Ephesians 2:10 (we are his workmanship)
Discussion questions for listeners / community:
- If you pictured your idealized self right now, what would she look like? What is she doing that you're not?
- What peace or security do you think "becoming her" would actually give you? Name it specifically.
- Where have you been conforming to a self-made image instead of letting yourself be transformed?
- What would it look like this week to bring your ache for peace directly to God instead of to another round of self-improvement?
A note on the source material: This episode discusses themes and reported artist commentary about Ella Langley's song "Be Her" (from her 2026 album Dandelion) but does not reproduce song lyrics. Listeners are encouraged to listen to the song themselves for the full experience.
Links:
Join our next 40-Day Journey here: https://www.improvebodyimage.com/40-day-challenge
Check out Heather's books on body image, aging, and comparison here: https://www.improvebodyimage.com/books-for-christian-women-body-image
Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
00:00:02
Speaker 1: Life audio. Hey, friend, Heather Creekmore.
00:00:05
Speaker 2: Here have you heard a country song by an artist named Ella Langley? And I don't mean Choos in Texas, I mean another one called be Her. Yeah, if you haven't hear's generally what it's about.
00:00:20
Speaker 1: It's the singer describing.
00:00:22
Speaker 2: A woman who seems to have it all figured out. She's calm, she's grounded, she's secure in her faith, in her marriage, and comfortable in her own skin, and she's not chasing anyone's approval. And the chorus is really interesting. I really grabbed my attention the first time I heard it because it's not just like an admiration song. Man. There's an ache in it. She sings more or less that she wants to be this woman so badly that it physically hurts. I just want to be her so bad, it hurts so bad. Now here's the twist. It made me kind of perk when I first heard about it, because I thought, Hmm, I don't know that she's talking about envy. I don't know that she's talking about wanting to be another woman. And so I did a little research and I was right. Ella Langley has said in interviews that the woman in the song isn't actually a real person that she's comparing herself to and wants to be more like. It's not about wanting someone else's life. It's about her wanting and longing for a version of herself. She wants to be different so bad it hurts. Now'll sit with that for a second, because I've had this conversation too many times to count, where women are telling me I don't compare myself with other people. I just compare myself with the me I want to be. And I honestly think that that might even be more common than us comparing ourself to others. I mean, I don't know that any of us are actually losing sleep over wanting to look like a stranger on Instagram. What we're aching for is closer and maybe a little weirder than that.
00:02:17
Speaker 1: We ache to be a.
00:02:19
Speaker 2: Version of ourselves who's figured everything out. She knows how to eat, she doesn't spiral in front of the mirror, she's at peace with her own body, she's got it all together. She's amazing in all the ways. And we treat closing the gap between who we are and who we want to be like it's the point of our whole lives, and today I want to talk more about that ache that hurts so bad as Ella Langley sings, because I don't think it's silly and I don't think it's shallow, but I think it reveals something very real. And I also think less it's unexamined, it can quietly become one of the most exhausting idols we'll ever build.
00:03:07
Speaker 1: Let's get to the day show.
00:03:22
Speaker 2: What happens when a three and a half minute country song teaches us more about the human heart than some sermons do. Okay, So this song by Ella Langley, it's called be Her. It's not a body image song on the surface. I mean it's about comparison. It's about ideals. It's about this idealized, effortless version of womanhood. But underneath it is something that I think probably most of us wrestle with, whether we've.
00:03:57
Speaker 1: Put it into a country song or not.
00:04:00
Speaker 2: It's this ache to become better, to become our ideal selves, to become a version of ourselves. Oh that can just bring us rest and peace and oh sunshine and rainbows, and it would just be so wonderful to be like we want to be, And yet we just can't seem to get there. So today we're talking about this idealized self, where she comes from, why chasing her can quietly become idolatry, and what it actually looks like to stop chasing her and start receiving something better. So close your eyes for a second. Well not if you're driving, please don't close your eyes. But I just want you to picture her.
00:04:52
Speaker 1: I want you to.
00:04:53
Speaker 2: Picture the idealized version of you.
00:04:57
Speaker 1: Can you see her? Do you know what the eyes ideal you is like?
00:05:02
Speaker 2: See if you can relate to my ideal And I'm going to read you this from my forty day Body Image workbook, where I talk about this concept in depth. But here's my ideal me. She's stylishly dressed in a much smaller size. Of course, she's so confident she doesn't need to change clothes five times before leaving the house. She's a loving wife, a calm and patient parent, just the right mix of rules enforcement and fun mom. The ideal me doesn't read into the tone of benign statements from friends, Neither does she question it when they don't immediately reply to text messages. She's the picture of discipline, never missing a workout, neither would she ever go back and eat three more cookies after vowing she'd only eat one?
00:05:45
Speaker 1: She's a success story. What's your ideal?
00:05:50
Speaker 2: Like? It's funny I wrote that the book came out, I guess two years ago now, so I wrote that probably three or four years ago. But it matches Ella Langley's song perfectly. Ella paint says the picture of a woman who has it all together according to Ella's standards. She's calling her mom constantly, like it's a normal part of her day, not a chore she's guilting herself into. And she's in regular conversation with Jesus, not a stiff, performative way, but like it's natural talking to a friend. When she says something, you can take it at face value. She's not embellishing, she's not performing, she's not managing how it's perceived. When her car breaks down, there's a steady person there for life isn't something she's white knuckling alone. And there's a couple other things that Ella specifically picks out so we can see who Ella's ideal or ideal idol is. And none of these things in the song are really about beauty. Notice what she's actually describing is just a woman who isn't using anything, whether it's why or exaggeration or managing everyone's perception of her. She's not using any of these things to cope, or to escape or to be loved. She's just present. She's unhurried, she's rooted. That's probably pretty close to at least part of the picture you carry for yourself of your own ideal, isn't it. I mean for most of us, Like, she's not necessarily talking about being thinner or prettier. She's just talking about being free, free from the noise that so many of us carry around all day long, they running telly of what we ate and what we said, and how we came across and what do people think of me? And what do we still need to fix about ourselves before we were allowed to relax. Here's what else I want you to notice that before we go any further, this her, Remember, I just want to be her so bad. It hurts so bad. This hurt isn't a villain. It's not a bad thing to want these things. They're actually it's a decent list of good things. She wants to be less anxious, more grounded, more secure. Good desires The danger's not in wanting them. The danger isn't what we are quietly asking that wanting.
00:08:09
Speaker 1: To do for us.
00:08:13
Speaker 2: So let's talk a gibout. And we've talked about this before, but how a genuinely good desire to grow, to heal, to become more whole, to become a better woman can turn into something that can quietly exhaust and enslave us. An idol in a biblical sense isn't a statue that you bounce down to necessarily. Of course it could be, but in our culture it's not. It's something good that you've elevated to be, something ultimate, something you're trusting in to give you what only God can give, security, worth piece, a settled sense of being okay. And here's the sneaky thing about this ideal idol, Specifically, it doesn't even require another person. You don't need an influencer or a friend or a stranger in a country song to compete with. You just need your own imagination and a mental image of the woman you could be if you just finally got everything right. And that's actually a more dangerous idol than many other idols, because you can't unfollow her, you can't mute her. She lives inside your head, and she's always just slightly out of reach, which means that chase never actually ends. Every time you get a little closer, maybe you have a quote unquote good week with your eating, or you actually feel confident in an outfit, or you go a whole day without body checking in the mirror. She moves the goalposts quietly because being her was never really about a checklist of behaviors. She's just a stand in, a substitute for this concept of peace that you're actually searching for peace. And I'd also add rest and behaviors, even quote unquote perfect ones can't lead to peace. They don't have the ability to manufacture it. They can imitate it for a little bit, pretend to offer it, but it doesn't last. And that's why this ache in the song be Her it Hurts so Bad, is so raw because it talks about how the wanting just hurts.
00:10:32
Speaker 1: Of course it hurts.
00:10:34
Speaker 2: You're reaching for a rescue that keeps receding the moment you get near it, and some tired part of you already suspects that even if you became her, you might not actually feel all that rest in peace you're hoping to feel a little part of us knows it probably wouldn't actually work even if we could pull it off. Now, let's bring some scripture in here, because I think it reframes us ache in a way that's really hopeful.
00:11:06
Speaker 1: And helpful.
00:11:07
Speaker 2: For Samuel sixteen, there's this moment where the prophet Samuel's looking for Israel's next king. He's about to anoint the oldest, most impressive looking of Jesse's son, but God stops him and he says, hey, humans, look at outward appearance. I look at the heart. And that first gets quoted a lot, of course in body image spaces, and for good reason. I think it does apply just as much to the idealized inner self that we're chasing as it does to how we look. God isn't waiting for us to become calm enough, disciplined enough healed enough to be worth loving. He's already looking at our hearts right now. Mid chase in the mess, here's another one. Romans twelve says, don't be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Notice the contrast Paul sets up conforming to a pattern versus being transformed conform. Conforming is what happens when you study someone else's blueprint. Okay, here's orry gets strictly, even an imaginary, idealized version of yourself is still a blueprint. And when you try to force your life to match it from the outside in, that's conforming to an image your own image. Transformation is different. It's not copying a pattern. It's an actual renewal that happens from the inside out. You receive the transformation rather than manufacture the transformation. And this is someone that gets me every time sending her There's three says that we with unveiled faces beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into his image, from one degree of glory to another, transformed into his image, not into the image of our idealized self, even not into the composed, secure everything in moderation, got it all together, woman, that you have built in your imagination, it's into Christs image, which, unlike your imagined her, is not a mirage that pulls away as soon as you get close. It's a real person who actually meets you and actually changes you slowly, but it requires you to look at him, keep your mind and thoughts and eyes fixed on him instead of on that idealized idol of her.
00:13:39
Speaker 1: Now, please hear me.
00:13:40
Speaker 2: I don't want you to think that this ache, this hurts so bad. I just wish I could be more like my ideal self. I don't I want you to be ashamed of that. Right, the longing you feel when you picture your idealized self, the one who's finally at peace and all the things, that's not proof that but there's something wrong with you. I actually consider it a sign post now. C. S. Lewis wrote about these kind of sign post longings decades ago, and it's really interesting. But the idea is that our deepest desires for peace and wholeness and belonging those aren't accidents, but their clues signposts along the way pointing us to an actual destination where we can find satisfaction for that which is Jesus.
00:14:30
Speaker 1: Right, which is eternity.
00:14:33
Speaker 2: They're not destinations in and of themselves. So the ache and be her isn't silly, it's actually onto something true. It's just aimed at the wrong target. Right.
00:14:45
Speaker 1: It's just if I could be her, then I'd arrive, And that's not actually correct.
00:14:52
Speaker 2: The mistake we make isn't in wanting peace or security or freedom. The mistake is believing that becoming a more disciplined, more composed, more put together version of myself is what will deliver that peace, security, freedom. But that ache was never meant to be resolved through self improvement. It was meant to send you looking for God. So let's make this really practical.
00:15:23
Speaker 1: What can you do well?
00:15:23
Speaker 2: First, I think you name your her. This is a really important exercise that I do with my coaching client. So I'm just going to give it to you today for free, and if you need help with it, maam, I really hope you'll reach out and grab a session with me, or, better yet, join us on the forty day journey.
00:15:39
Speaker 1: And this is.
00:15:40
Speaker 2: Part of what we talk about as we go through the content in my forty Day Body Image workbook. But getting really specific about what you are idealizing and therefore what you are idolizing is super helpful because then you can see it for.
00:15:56
Speaker 1: What it is. So what does your idealized self actually look like? How does she eat?
00:16:01
Speaker 2: How does she talk to herself? What does she never do? And I suggest you write it down because you can't examine an idol that you've actually never looked directly at second, I want you to ask what this ideal idol is promising you and for almost everyone. I'll tell you when I do this exercise with clients. It's not really the promise of a better body because I eat better, right, It's this promise of peace underneath all these habits or ideals. It's this sense that I would finally be secure enough, settled enough, like, name what the promise is specifically, because that's the thing that you are actually chasing. You're not chasing moderation or feeling more confident when you respond to text messages, You're chasing something else.
00:16:55
Speaker 1: Name it.
00:16:56
Speaker 2: Third, bring that exact long to God instead of viewing it as a self improvement project.
00:17:05
Speaker 1: So my book The Comparison Free.
00:17:07
Speaker 2: Life was originally titled The Burden of Better But I talk all about this in that book. I highly recommend it. But friend, we have to stop chasing self improvement believing it's going to deliver something that only Jesus can. So pray something like this, God, I've been trying to become a woman who's finally at peace, but peace was never something I could achieve my way into. Will you give me what I've been trying to build.
00:17:39
Speaker 1: It's not passive. It doesn't mean again.
00:17:42
Speaker 2: You sit on the couch and eat Cheetos and you don't care, and God just like zap me better because now I'm gonna have peace and so I don't have to care about anything anymore.
00:17:49
Speaker 1: Like No, it's not apathy, but it means that anything you do.
00:17:55
Speaker 2: To improve your body or to improve your life isn't about self improvement. It comes from a place of God. I want to serve you well. I already have enough peace through you. You are my peace. Just show me how to handle this thing. Show me how to handle this thing. Grow me in the ways I need to grow. Sanctify the areas of my life that need sanctified.
00:18:25
Speaker 1: You don't have to pay.
00:18:27
Speaker 2: A price of I got to get better in this area in order to receive that peace. Fourth, remember what I said about transformation. It's something that happens to you, not something you produce. And you're not feeling because you haven't self improved your way to your ideal self yet. Friend, you were never supposed to get there by chasing an image. That image isn't idol, it's not Jesus. And if in your head, you're singing, I just want to be hurt so bad. It hurts so bad, it hurts, so friend, surrender those desires to him, lay down that ideal self idle and let him heal the hurt and show you how to grow, develop, change, and transform his way into the woman he wants you to be, not into this idealized woman that you think you need to be to get the things that he already gives you. And closing today, I keep coming back to that line from Ella Langley's explanation from the song that it's less about wanting to be someone else the more about wanting to become who you already hope you can be. And I think that's actually like a beautiful, honest description of sanctification. And even if Ella didn't mean it that way at all, I think each of us carry a picture of who we wish we already were. The Gospel doesn't shame us for that picture. It just tells us the truth about how to actually get there. And it's not by chasing her down, not by day dreaming about these earthly ways we could be better, But it's about turning our face toward the one who's remaking us into someone who's more like Jesus, and that's where the peace comes from. You don't have to be her, You get to become you, the woman God created on purpose for his purpose. You're already known, you're already loved, You're enough through him and because of him, and you're right in the middle of becoming. Hey, friend, thanks for listening today. If this episode hit you, I'd love for you to share it with someone you know who would be encouraged by it. Also, if you haven't left a review yet, that would really encourage our hearts. This podcast has shown a more peace well based on the number of reviews we have, and I don't know if we have yours yet. I hope something in this episode has helped you stop comparing even to that woman just in your own head and start living.
00:21:11
Speaker 1: And thanks for listening to day Bye Mike.
Speaker 1: Life audio. Hey, friend, Heather Creekmore.
00:00:05
Speaker 2: Here have you heard a country song by an artist named Ella Langley? And I don't mean Choos in Texas, I mean another one called be Her. Yeah, if you haven't hear's generally what it's about.
00:00:20
Speaker 1: It's the singer describing.
00:00:22
Speaker 2: A woman who seems to have it all figured out. She's calm, she's grounded, she's secure in her faith, in her marriage, and comfortable in her own skin, and she's not chasing anyone's approval. And the chorus is really interesting. I really grabbed my attention the first time I heard it because it's not just like an admiration song. Man. There's an ache in it. She sings more or less that she wants to be this woman so badly that it physically hurts. I just want to be her so bad, it hurts so bad. Now here's the twist. It made me kind of perk when I first heard about it, because I thought, Hmm, I don't know that she's talking about envy. I don't know that she's talking about wanting to be another woman. And so I did a little research and I was right. Ella Langley has said in interviews that the woman in the song isn't actually a real person that she's comparing herself to and wants to be more like. It's not about wanting someone else's life. It's about her wanting and longing for a version of herself. She wants to be different so bad it hurts. Now'll sit with that for a second, because I've had this conversation too many times to count, where women are telling me I don't compare myself with other people. I just compare myself with the me I want to be. And I honestly think that that might even be more common than us comparing ourself to others. I mean, I don't know that any of us are actually losing sleep over wanting to look like a stranger on Instagram. What we're aching for is closer and maybe a little weirder than that.
00:02:17
Speaker 1: We ache to be a.
00:02:19
Speaker 2: Version of ourselves who's figured everything out. She knows how to eat, she doesn't spiral in front of the mirror, she's at peace with her own body, she's got it all together. She's amazing in all the ways. And we treat closing the gap between who we are and who we want to be like it's the point of our whole lives, and today I want to talk more about that ache that hurts so bad as Ella Langley sings, because I don't think it's silly and I don't think it's shallow, but I think it reveals something very real. And I also think less it's unexamined, it can quietly become one of the most exhausting idols we'll ever build.
00:03:07
Speaker 1: Let's get to the day show.
00:03:22
Speaker 2: What happens when a three and a half minute country song teaches us more about the human heart than some sermons do. Okay, So this song by Ella Langley, it's called be Her. It's not a body image song on the surface. I mean it's about comparison. It's about ideals. It's about this idealized, effortless version of womanhood. But underneath it is something that I think probably most of us wrestle with, whether we've.
00:03:57
Speaker 1: Put it into a country song or not.
00:04:00
Speaker 2: It's this ache to become better, to become our ideal selves, to become a version of ourselves. Oh that can just bring us rest and peace and oh sunshine and rainbows, and it would just be so wonderful to be like we want to be, And yet we just can't seem to get there. So today we're talking about this idealized self, where she comes from, why chasing her can quietly become idolatry, and what it actually looks like to stop chasing her and start receiving something better. So close your eyes for a second. Well not if you're driving, please don't close your eyes. But I just want you to picture her.
00:04:52
Speaker 1: I want you to.
00:04:53
Speaker 2: Picture the idealized version of you.
00:04:57
Speaker 1: Can you see her? Do you know what the eyes ideal you is like?
00:05:02
Speaker 2: See if you can relate to my ideal And I'm going to read you this from my forty day Body Image workbook, where I talk about this concept in depth. But here's my ideal me. She's stylishly dressed in a much smaller size. Of course, she's so confident she doesn't need to change clothes five times before leaving the house. She's a loving wife, a calm and patient parent, just the right mix of rules enforcement and fun mom. The ideal me doesn't read into the tone of benign statements from friends, Neither does she question it when they don't immediately reply to text messages. She's the picture of discipline, never missing a workout, neither would she ever go back and eat three more cookies after vowing she'd only eat one?
00:05:45
Speaker 1: She's a success story. What's your ideal?
00:05:50
Speaker 2: Like? It's funny I wrote that the book came out, I guess two years ago now, so I wrote that probably three or four years ago. But it matches Ella Langley's song perfectly. Ella paint says the picture of a woman who has it all together according to Ella's standards. She's calling her mom constantly, like it's a normal part of her day, not a chore she's guilting herself into. And she's in regular conversation with Jesus, not a stiff, performative way, but like it's natural talking to a friend. When she says something, you can take it at face value. She's not embellishing, she's not performing, she's not managing how it's perceived. When her car breaks down, there's a steady person there for life isn't something she's white knuckling alone. And there's a couple other things that Ella specifically picks out so we can see who Ella's ideal or ideal idol is. And none of these things in the song are really about beauty. Notice what she's actually describing is just a woman who isn't using anything, whether it's why or exaggeration or managing everyone's perception of her. She's not using any of these things to cope, or to escape or to be loved. She's just present. She's unhurried, she's rooted. That's probably pretty close to at least part of the picture you carry for yourself of your own ideal, isn't it. I mean for most of us, Like, she's not necessarily talking about being thinner or prettier. She's just talking about being free, free from the noise that so many of us carry around all day long, they running telly of what we ate and what we said, and how we came across and what do people think of me? And what do we still need to fix about ourselves before we were allowed to relax. Here's what else I want you to notice that before we go any further, this her, Remember, I just want to be her so bad. It hurts so bad. This hurt isn't a villain. It's not a bad thing to want these things. They're actually it's a decent list of good things. She wants to be less anxious, more grounded, more secure. Good desires The danger's not in wanting them. The danger isn't what we are quietly asking that wanting.
00:08:09
Speaker 1: To do for us.
00:08:13
Speaker 2: So let's talk a gibout. And we've talked about this before, but how a genuinely good desire to grow, to heal, to become more whole, to become a better woman can turn into something that can quietly exhaust and enslave us. An idol in a biblical sense isn't a statue that you bounce down to necessarily. Of course it could be, but in our culture it's not. It's something good that you've elevated to be, something ultimate, something you're trusting in to give you what only God can give, security, worth piece, a settled sense of being okay. And here's the sneaky thing about this ideal idol, Specifically, it doesn't even require another person. You don't need an influencer or a friend or a stranger in a country song to compete with. You just need your own imagination and a mental image of the woman you could be if you just finally got everything right. And that's actually a more dangerous idol than many other idols, because you can't unfollow her, you can't mute her. She lives inside your head, and she's always just slightly out of reach, which means that chase never actually ends. Every time you get a little closer, maybe you have a quote unquote good week with your eating, or you actually feel confident in an outfit, or you go a whole day without body checking in the mirror. She moves the goalposts quietly because being her was never really about a checklist of behaviors. She's just a stand in, a substitute for this concept of peace that you're actually searching for peace. And I'd also add rest and behaviors, even quote unquote perfect ones can't lead to peace. They don't have the ability to manufacture it. They can imitate it for a little bit, pretend to offer it, but it doesn't last. And that's why this ache in the song be Her it Hurts so Bad, is so raw because it talks about how the wanting just hurts.
00:10:32
Speaker 1: Of course it hurts.
00:10:34
Speaker 2: You're reaching for a rescue that keeps receding the moment you get near it, and some tired part of you already suspects that even if you became her, you might not actually feel all that rest in peace you're hoping to feel a little part of us knows it probably wouldn't actually work even if we could pull it off. Now, let's bring some scripture in here, because I think it reframes us ache in a way that's really hopeful.
00:11:06
Speaker 1: And helpful.
00:11:07
Speaker 2: For Samuel sixteen, there's this moment where the prophet Samuel's looking for Israel's next king. He's about to anoint the oldest, most impressive looking of Jesse's son, but God stops him and he says, hey, humans, look at outward appearance. I look at the heart. And that first gets quoted a lot, of course in body image spaces, and for good reason. I think it does apply just as much to the idealized inner self that we're chasing as it does to how we look. God isn't waiting for us to become calm enough, disciplined enough healed enough to be worth loving. He's already looking at our hearts right now. Mid chase in the mess, here's another one. Romans twelve says, don't be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Notice the contrast Paul sets up conforming to a pattern versus being transformed conform. Conforming is what happens when you study someone else's blueprint. Okay, here's orry gets strictly, even an imaginary, idealized version of yourself is still a blueprint. And when you try to force your life to match it from the outside in, that's conforming to an image your own image. Transformation is different. It's not copying a pattern. It's an actual renewal that happens from the inside out. You receive the transformation rather than manufacture the transformation. And this is someone that gets me every time sending her There's three says that we with unveiled faces beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into his image, from one degree of glory to another, transformed into his image, not into the image of our idealized self, even not into the composed, secure everything in moderation, got it all together, woman, that you have built in your imagination, it's into Christs image, which, unlike your imagined her, is not a mirage that pulls away as soon as you get close. It's a real person who actually meets you and actually changes you slowly, but it requires you to look at him, keep your mind and thoughts and eyes fixed on him instead of on that idealized idol of her.
00:13:39
Speaker 1: Now, please hear me.
00:13:40
Speaker 2: I don't want you to think that this ache, this hurts so bad. I just wish I could be more like my ideal self. I don't I want you to be ashamed of that. Right, the longing you feel when you picture your idealized self, the one who's finally at peace and all the things, that's not proof that but there's something wrong with you. I actually consider it a sign post now. C. S. Lewis wrote about these kind of sign post longings decades ago, and it's really interesting. But the idea is that our deepest desires for peace and wholeness and belonging those aren't accidents, but their clues signposts along the way pointing us to an actual destination where we can find satisfaction for that which is Jesus.
00:14:30
Speaker 1: Right, which is eternity.
00:14:33
Speaker 2: They're not destinations in and of themselves. So the ache and be her isn't silly, it's actually onto something true. It's just aimed at the wrong target. Right.
00:14:45
Speaker 1: It's just if I could be her, then I'd arrive, And that's not actually correct.
00:14:52
Speaker 2: The mistake we make isn't in wanting peace or security or freedom. The mistake is believing that becoming a more disciplined, more composed, more put together version of myself is what will deliver that peace, security, freedom. But that ache was never meant to be resolved through self improvement. It was meant to send you looking for God. So let's make this really practical.
00:15:23
Speaker 1: What can you do well?
00:15:23
Speaker 2: First, I think you name your her. This is a really important exercise that I do with my coaching client. So I'm just going to give it to you today for free, and if you need help with it, maam, I really hope you'll reach out and grab a session with me, or, better yet, join us on the forty day journey.
00:15:39
Speaker 1: And this is.
00:15:40
Speaker 2: Part of what we talk about as we go through the content in my forty Day Body Image workbook. But getting really specific about what you are idealizing and therefore what you are idolizing is super helpful because then you can see it for.
00:15:56
Speaker 1: What it is. So what does your idealized self actually look like? How does she eat?
00:16:01
Speaker 2: How does she talk to herself? What does she never do? And I suggest you write it down because you can't examine an idol that you've actually never looked directly at second, I want you to ask what this ideal idol is promising you and for almost everyone. I'll tell you when I do this exercise with clients. It's not really the promise of a better body because I eat better, right, It's this promise of peace underneath all these habits or ideals. It's this sense that I would finally be secure enough, settled enough, like, name what the promise is specifically, because that's the thing that you are actually chasing. You're not chasing moderation or feeling more confident when you respond to text messages, You're chasing something else.
00:16:55
Speaker 1: Name it.
00:16:56
Speaker 2: Third, bring that exact long to God instead of viewing it as a self improvement project.
00:17:05
Speaker 1: So my book The Comparison Free.
00:17:07
Speaker 2: Life was originally titled The Burden of Better But I talk all about this in that book. I highly recommend it. But friend, we have to stop chasing self improvement believing it's going to deliver something that only Jesus can. So pray something like this, God, I've been trying to become a woman who's finally at peace, but peace was never something I could achieve my way into. Will you give me what I've been trying to build.
00:17:39
Speaker 1: It's not passive. It doesn't mean again.
00:17:42
Speaker 2: You sit on the couch and eat Cheetos and you don't care, and God just like zap me better because now I'm gonna have peace and so I don't have to care about anything anymore.
00:17:49
Speaker 1: Like No, it's not apathy, but it means that anything you do.
00:17:55
Speaker 2: To improve your body or to improve your life isn't about self improvement. It comes from a place of God. I want to serve you well. I already have enough peace through you. You are my peace. Just show me how to handle this thing. Show me how to handle this thing. Grow me in the ways I need to grow. Sanctify the areas of my life that need sanctified.
00:18:25
Speaker 1: You don't have to pay.
00:18:27
Speaker 2: A price of I got to get better in this area in order to receive that peace. Fourth, remember what I said about transformation. It's something that happens to you, not something you produce. And you're not feeling because you haven't self improved your way to your ideal self yet. Friend, you were never supposed to get there by chasing an image. That image isn't idol, it's not Jesus. And if in your head, you're singing, I just want to be hurt so bad. It hurts so bad, it hurts, so friend, surrender those desires to him, lay down that ideal self idle and let him heal the hurt and show you how to grow, develop, change, and transform his way into the woman he wants you to be, not into this idealized woman that you think you need to be to get the things that he already gives you. And closing today, I keep coming back to that line from Ella Langley's explanation from the song that it's less about wanting to be someone else the more about wanting to become who you already hope you can be. And I think that's actually like a beautiful, honest description of sanctification. And even if Ella didn't mean it that way at all, I think each of us carry a picture of who we wish we already were. The Gospel doesn't shame us for that picture. It just tells us the truth about how to actually get there. And it's not by chasing her down, not by day dreaming about these earthly ways we could be better, But it's about turning our face toward the one who's remaking us into someone who's more like Jesus, and that's where the peace comes from. You don't have to be her, You get to become you, the woman God created on purpose for his purpose. You're already known, you're already loved, You're enough through him and because of him, and you're right in the middle of becoming. Hey, friend, thanks for listening today. If this episode hit you, I'd love for you to share it with someone you know who would be encouraged by it. Also, if you haven't left a review yet, that would really encourage our hearts. This podcast has shown a more peace well based on the number of reviews we have, and I don't know if we have yours yet. I hope something in this episode has helped you stop comparing even to that woman just in your own head and start living.
00:21:11
Speaker 1: And thanks for listening to day Bye Mike.
