Episodes

Patrick Gutfield dives into the Senate Finance Committee showdown where Robert F. Kennedy Jr. tried to defend firing the CDC director and gutting vaccine funding — and somehow ended up nominating Trump for a Nobel Peace Prize. Meanwhile, the NBA is investigating the Clippers for allegedly funneling $28 million to Kawhi Leonard through a tree-planting company, and survivors of Jeffrey Epstein demand the Trump administration release the long-buried Epstein files. Chaos, contradictions, and conspir...

Gavin Newsom claims foreign leaders are laughing behind Trump's back, and we've got the UN footage to prove it. Trump responded by staying up until 2 AM frantically Googling dirt on Governor Wes Moore because Moore called his memory "comical." But the real bombshell came when MAGA Congressman Mike Collins casually admitted Trump is probably in the Epstein files - then tried to spin it as Trump being the hero whistleblower. We break down the international mockery evidence, Trump's late-night reve...

Patrick Gutfield breaks down Trump's chaotic return to public life - from moving Space Command to Alabama because Colorado uses mail-in ballots, to casually mentioning shooting at Venezuelan drug boats, to contradicting his own staff about viral footage of trash bags being thrown from White House windows. Plus, the Epstein files finally dropped with 33,295 pages nobody's read yet. All this while Trump insists he's perfectly healthy and definitely not an AI-generated robot clone.

JD Vance says he's ready to be President after seven months of watching Trump work - that's less time than most people need to figure out their new job's healthcare benefits. Meanwhile, a TikTok physical therapist diagnosed Trump with six months to live through his phone screen, and Health Secretary RFK Jr. thinks he can spot children's mitochondrial problems just by people-watching at airports. We dive into Vance's NFL conspiracy theories about Taylor Swift rigging games for Travis Kelce, Trump...

Patrick Gutfield skips the Labor Day chaos and dives into a different kind of American madness: Attorney General Pam Bondi calling Trump “President” like it’s his first name, New Jersey towns suing a mall for letting people buy pants on Sundays, and blue whales going silent because they’re starving. Also: Marco Rubio has four jobs now, Paramus wants your denim outlawed, and God’s fine with roller coasters but not sweaters. Oh, and whales—giant, starving, silent whales. This is Ballot.

From mass resignations at the CDC to Trump’s bizarre idea of holding national party conventions before the midterms, things in D.C. are getting weird. Patrick Gutfield breaks down RFK Jr.’s attempt to fire CDC Director Susan Monarez, the total reshuffling of the vaccine advisory committee, and why doing things that are illegal and anti-science seem to be this administration’s favorite hobby. Plus: Jen Psaki warns Trump could rig the next election, thanks to the appointment of conspiracy theorist...

Patrick Gutfield breaks down Trump's surprising blessing of the Swift-Kelce engagement, the administration's catchy new names for detention centers (from "Alligator Alcatraz" to "Cornhusker Clink"), Vanity Fair's staff meltdown over a potential Melania cover, JD Vance's creative take on World War Two history, and America's first case of screwworm - because nothing says "welcome to Twenty Twenty Five" like flesh-eating parasites and government trolling.

Marc Maron took aim at Bill Maher on Pod Save America, calling him “desperate” and accusing him of chasing relevance at any cost. Meanwhile, ICE accidentally turned a routine arrest photo into the internet’s latest thirst trap, Donald Trump threatened to revoke ABC and NBC’s FCC licenses over “fake news,” and RFK Jr. is reportedly plotting a COVID-19 vaccine ban. All that and more with Patrick Gutfield.

Cracker Barrel ditches grandma’s kitchen vibes for a sleek new logo, and the internet unleashes its full fury. Trump reportedly freaked out over clean sheets, locked his own bedroom door against the Secret Service, and possibly hides the Epstein Files under his mattress. MSNBC accuses him of ankle concealment, and the White House hilariously plays along. Meanwhile, a federal judge shuts down Florida’s “Alligator Alcatraz” detention center… because you can’t build a prison in a swamp and pretend ...

Trump patrols the streets of D.C. with the military and celebrates “law and order” with a Shake Shack run. Meanwhile, the Vice President launches a crackdown on sunlight, banning “Solar” in all-caps, and Kamala Harris embarks on a 15-city book tour that somehow includes London. Also: the State Department decides to re-vet 55 million visa holders just in case, and no, you still haven’t heard about the Epstein Files.

Trump wants to paint the border wall black because it gets hot—just like science says—and Jack White has thoughts about the new Oval Office, which now resembles a pro wrestler’s dressing room designed by Liberace. Meanwhile, Delta and United are being sued for selling “window seats” that don’t come with actual windows. It’s a big week for style over substance, beige walls over actual views, and gold over good taste. From Washington, where even the planes are lying to you, this is Ballot.

Donald Trump is furious that museums dare to talk about slavery, calling the Smithsonian “OUT OF CONTROL” and demanding more exhibits about “Success” and “Brightness.” Meanwhile, Oklahoma unveils a fifty-question anti-woke purity test for teachers that was cooked up by PragerU—because nothing says academic rigor like a quiz your uncle found on Facebook. Also: why Trump’s idea of “helping” Ukraine is basically cheerleading from 30,000 feet, and how one multiple-choice test thinks “In God We Trust...

President Trump welcomes Ukrainian President Zelensky and top European leaders to the White House in a flashy attempt at diplomacy—no yelling this time! Trump pitches a Putin-Zelensky-Trump summit while Europe floats “Article Five-like” promises no one can define. Plus: Trump’s awkward Nobel Prize cold-call to Norway, and MSNBC’s wild corporate rebrand to “MS NOW.” Is peace on the table or just another TV special? And did someone say… Epstein files? All that and more, on Ballot.

British Foreign Secretary David Lammy and U.S. Vice President JD Vance got busted for fishing without licenses, sparking fines and a very “chummy” press conference. Vance’s trip got worse: he was rejected by a Michelin-rated pub, faced a protest called “Dance Against Vance,” and ended up retreating to Trump’s Turnberry golf course. Meanwhile, Trump celebrated Social Security’s 90th anniversary by calling Elizabeth Warren a “nutjob” who needs a drug test, while bragging about kicking 275,000 “ill...

Donald Trump is heading to Alaska for his first sit-down with Vladimir Putin since 2018, pitching himself as a diplomatic wedding planner while promising peace talks with Zelensky. Meanwhile, Trump mobilizes the National Guard for “community beautification” patrols in D.C.—because nothing says law and order like soldiers with leaf blowers. And in the culture wars, Taylor Swift’s appearance on Travis Kelce’s podcast breaks YouTube, leaving Trump fuming about podcast ratings.

Trump wants a ballroom that would make Gatsby jealous, RFK Jr. torches half a billion in pandemic preparedness, and 2,300 Hollywood writers—from Spike Lee to John Waters—sign an open letter taking direct aim at the President.

The White House tries to bury Epstein questions with denim ads starring Sydney Sweeney. Ghislaine Maxwell scores a cushy prison transfer, and Trump banishes Obama’s portrait to the political attic.

When the President takes over a city’s police force, feuds with California’s governor over tacos, and still won’t release the Epstein files, you know it’s going to be a weird week. Plus, Harvard scientists officially ruin french fries.

President Trump and Vladimir Putin plan an Alaska meeting to “end” the Ukraine war—without inviting Ukraine. Plus, Trump’s new AI chatbot calls January 6 an “insurrection” and fact-checks its own boss, and D.C.’s homeless get told to move “FAR from the Capital.” None of that distracts us from the Epstein Files. Release them.

Donald Trump “wins” another golf tournament at his own club—again—despite viral video showing some highly questionable caddie behavior. Rick Reilly calls it cheating, and we call it Tuesday. Then South Park returns with a brutal takedown of JD Vance, Kristi Noem, and Charlie Kirk—featuring sentient Botox, baby oil for Satan, and Cartman doing exactly what you think he’s doing. Also: JD Vance allegedly gets the Army Corps of Engineers to raise and lower a lake for better kayaking. Because appar...

Donald Trump takes a bizarre rooftop stroll at the White House while talking about “missiles” and ballrooms. Meanwhile, the government casually announces plans for a nuclear reactor on the moon, and Trump teases a third term with “probably not.” From lunar fission to constitutional fiction, Ballot breaks down the week’s strangest headlines—plus, a reminder: release the Epstein files, you cowards. Hosted by Patrick Gutfield.

Donald Trump discovers Sydney Sweeney is a Republican and declares her jeans ad the “HOTTEST,” then goes on a Truth Social rant targeting Taylor Swift, Bud Light, and Jaguar. Meanwhile, the House Oversight Committee subpoenas Bill and Hillary Clinton over Jeffrey Epstein, and Homeland Security tries recruiting ICE agents using a South Parkscreenshot. Yes, really

Patrick Gutfield covers Trump's bizarre comments about Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt's facial features during a Newsmax interview, the Senate's failed negotiations over Trump nominees after the president told Chuck Schumer to "GO TO HELL," and Doritos' attempt to create the next Cool Ranch with their new Golden Sriracha flavor targeting Gen Z. Also, release the Epstein Files.