Aug. 8, 2025

Trump’s Golf “Win,” Vance’s Magic Lake, and South Park’s Savage Roast

Show Notes
Transcript

Donald Trump “wins” another golf tournament at his own club—again—despite viral video showing some highly questionable caddie behavior. Rick Reilly calls it cheating, and we call it Tuesday.

Then South Park returns with a brutal takedown of JD Vance, Kristi Noem, and Charlie Kirk—featuring sentient Botox, baby oil for Satan, and Cartman doing exactly what you think he’s doing.

Also: JD Vance allegedly gets the Army Corps of Engineers to raise and lower a lake for better kayaking. Because apparently the Vice President can now adjust water levels like he’s ordering room service.

Plus a shoutout to Paranormal Aliens, and yes—still waiting on those Epstein files.

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Callaroga shark media from Washington, DC, where some people cheat

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at golf.

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This is ballet and you know what some people don't do,

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They don't release the Epstein files.

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Let's hit this.

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I'm Patrick Gutfield and Donald Trump just won another golf

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tournament at one of his own clubs, and sportswriter Rick

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Riley is calling it exactly what it looks like cheating again. Riley,

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who literally wrote a book called Commander in Cheat, How

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Golf Explains Trump, shared a viral video that appears to

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show Trump's caddie illegally dropping a ball on the green

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during Saturday's round at Trump National Golf Club, Bedminster, and

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Riley did not hold back in his analysis. So you know,

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it's never legal for your caddy to drop a ball.

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You can drop one, but never on a green, Riley

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posted on x and since this was a full score event,

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it's not legal for Trump to drag the ball into

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the hole. No, no, no, Our President is an effing

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golf cheat. This happened the same day the White House's

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Instagram account proudly announced that Trump seventy nine won the

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twenty twenty five Men Senior Club Championship with a gross

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score of sixty nine three under par and a net

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sixty seven, which is impressive if you ignore the whole

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caddy illegally placing ball situation. Riley actually predicted this would

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happen on Friday. He posted, Hey, Trump, tomorrow is the

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senior champ at Bedminster? Are you shameless enough to pretend

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you want it? Even after the whole planet saw you

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cheat in Scotland? Is your ego that sick? Turns out?

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The answer was yes. After Trump was declared the winner,

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Riley's follow up was simple, guess we got our answer?

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What a child?

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The Scotland incident Riley mentioned happened last month when Trump

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was accused of having his caddy place his ball in

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a favorable spot instead of where it actually landed. So

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this isn't a one time thing. This is a parent

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standard operating procedure. Here's what makes this extra ridiculous. Trump

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has a history of somehow managing to win tournaments at

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his own clubs. He won a member member championship at

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Bedminster last month, and a senior club championship at his Jupiter,

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Florida course in January, where nobody saw him play. According

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to the Palm Beach post nobody saw him play at

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his own tournament that he won. That's not suspicious at all.

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The pattern here is pretty clear. Trump plays golf at

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his own courses, with his own caddies, under his own rules,

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and somehow always manages to come out on top. It's

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like being the house in Vegas, except the house also

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gets to move the roulette ball after it stops spinning.

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Golf is supposed to be a gentleman's game built on

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honor and self policing. You're expected to call penalties on

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yourself and follow the rules even when no one's watching.

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But when you're the President of the United States and

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you own the course, apparently those quaint traditions go out

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the window.

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The fact that we have viral video evidence of.

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What appears to be blatant rule violations and the White

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House is still posting about tournament victories on Instagram shows

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a level of shamelessness that's almost impressive. Almost Rick Riley

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has made a career out of calling this stuff out,

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and he's not backing down just because his target happens

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to be the most powerful person in the world.

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When your golf cheating is so.

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Notorious that sports writers write entire books about it. Maybe

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it's time to consider playing by the rules. But then again,

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when has Donald Trump ever let rules get in the

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way of declaring victory. So South Park is back for

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season twenty seven, and they're going after the Trump administration

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harder than a debt collector on Payday. Two weeks after

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portraying Trump in a romantic relationship with Satan, which honestly

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feels like restrained commentary for South Park, They've now turned

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their attention to JD. Vance and Christy Nome. The show

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introduced Vance as Trump's tiny surve dressed like tattoo from

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Fantasy Island. You know, the little guy who used to

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yell the plane, the plane, Except now he's yelling the boss,

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the Boss. They've got Trump literally kicking Vance off screen

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like a football, and Vance just bounces back, asking if

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he can help with Satan's personal grooming routine. The specific

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request involves baby oil in Satan's posterior, which is somehow

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both the most ridiculous and most believable thing you could

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imagine Vance saying. But they really went after Homeland Security

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Secretary Christy Nome. Remember when she wrote in her book

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about shooting her own dog well, South Park has her

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shooting dogs throughout the entire episode. They also gave her

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a face full of botox that keeps sliding off, which

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eventually becomes sentient and crawls around mar A Lago on

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its own. Her face literally develops a mind of its

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own and starts moving around the floor. That's not political satire,

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that's horror comedy. The episode so also features Cartman as

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Charlie Kirk from Turning Point USA. They have him master

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debating in his bedroom and yes, they mean exactly what

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you think they mean. Cartman brags about having his arguments

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rock solid so he can destroy unprepared college girls than

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editing out anyone who argues back. Well, the real Charlie

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Kirk saw this portrayal and tweeted not bad Cartman, which

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might be the most on brand response possible.

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JD. Vance apparently had the Army Corps.

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Of Engineers adjust water levels at Caesar Creek Lake in

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Ohio to make his family kayaking trip more enjoyable, and

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suddenly we're living in a world where the Vice President

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can order lake renovations like he's calling room service. According

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to the Guardian, the Army Corpt received a request to

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temporarily increase outflows from Caesar Creek Lake to support safe

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navigation of US Secret Service personnel, but an anonymous source

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claims the real reason was to create ideal kayaking conditions

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for Vance and his family. So we went from national

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security to optimal paddle sports in one bureaucratic memo. The

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timing is perfect here. Government data shows Caesar Creek Lake

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had a sharp increase in water levels followed by a

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sudden drop in early August, right when the Vance family

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was vacationing there. The lake literally went up and down,

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like Vance's approval ratings. The Secret Service confirmed they worked

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with Ohio's Department of Natural Resources in the Army Corps

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to plan safe passage of motorized boats, but couldn't discuss specifics. Translation,

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yes we did something, but we're not telling you what.

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The Army Corps claims this met their operational criteria and

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did not require a deviation from normal procedures. They also

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said it wouldn't adversely affect water levels upstream or downstream,

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so apparently rearranging an entire lake is just standard operating

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procedure now. An anonymous source told The Guardian that request

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to adjust water levels for specific individuals are extremely which

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makes sense because most of us don't have the phone

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number for whoever controls the lakes. So now that we

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have a vice president who can call up federal agencies

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and say, hey, can you make the lake better for

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kayaking this weekend, and they apparently just do it next week,

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he'll probably ask NASA to adjust the Moon's orbit so

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his kids can see it better from their backyard. Speaking

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of which, have you checked out the new podcast Paranormal

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Aliens yet? I would say that the host, James is crazy,

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but he'd probably beat me up. Portions of today's show

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were made with the help of the Army Corps of

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Engineers AI and release the Epstein files, You golf cheating coward,