Ask Rachel anything Boys and men who display a muscular physique that's 'ripped', or 'cut' get more likes and shares than other accounts on social media, so the algorithms behind the platforms are feeding a strong trend in muscle building amongst teen boys. But who ends up feeding the ravenously hungry, and is it all healthy? Louise has asked us for help with how to manage feeding her growing lad. Her son – who’s 17 - goes to the gym to muscle-build five days a week …
Ask Rachel anything We all loose our cool sometimes. but teenagers can find it particularly challenging to stay calm or calm down when enraged. It takes self-awareness and skill, and a level of brain development that just isn't there for some of them. One listener contacted us for help with her son who is being goaded by friends at school and getting into trouble for losing his temper. We talk about the brain development stage that makes this so prevalent in teens, and discuss top tip..…
Ask Rachel anything The term toxic masculinity has been gaining traction, and is often used to talk about the type of masculinity where men use dominance, violence and control to gain power and superiority over others. There's also been an increase in efforts to educate boys in how to talk more about their feelings. But with the rise of Incels, Andrew Tate, free porn, and pick up artists, you could be forgiven for wondering whether we're really making progress at all. So I contacte…
Ask Rachel anything What's better than falling in love again, particularly after a divorce or breakdown of a previous relationship? If you've managed to find someone special in the messy tangle of life as a parent it can feel like a miracle, but your teen may not be anywhere near as enthusiastic about you moving on. When Jamie asked us for help with how she can introduce her new partner to her teen we knew it was a great one for us to discuss. In this episode we talk about when to …
Ask Rachel anything We all know that teenagers need their friends, and spending time with others protects against anxiety and all sorts of other mental health problems. At the same time, groups of teens are far more likely to take risks and behave in a delinquent manner, which is what one of our listeners has discovered. Aged 13, her son has already started doing things with his friends that have got him into trouble with the police, so she's come to us for help. In this episode we talk…
Ask Rachel anything Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a b…
Ask Rachel anything An interview with Natasha Devon MBE: We parents often struggle with our fears about how to protect our teens when they're online. So when I received Natasha’s book written for teenagers, 'Clicks; How to be Your Best Self Online', I read it cover to cover. It's a great book to give your teens to help them navigate their online world in a way that's genuinely positive, because it covers things like avoiding tech addiction, swerving fake news, who to…
Ask Rachel anything Everything seems better when we've had enough sleep; our mood is more stable, our response times are faster, we can control our impulses more easily, and perform tasks more effectively. For teenagers, who are growing rapidly and whose brains are going through a massive rewiring, that need for sleep is arguably even greater. But how many of us are certain that our teens are getting enough sleep? Can we be sure that their moodiness, lack of attention, impulsive...
Ask Rachel anything Conflict is normal - but it often escalates during teenage years because our kids are trying to assert their own wishes, and probably aren't very skilled at it. As parents, it's easy to fall into classic conflict traps if we don't have the skills for resolving disagreements. In this episode we talk about the key techniques we can use - and teach - to ease tension and bust-ups at home and elsewhere. What's even better is that by learning techniques for …
Ask Rachel anything It's pre-exam time of year again, and oh boy it's tough for our teens. Does yours have a colour-coded revision schedule, carefully-timed breaks, and a confident spring in their step? Maybe they don't seem to be doing enough revision, and you're the one panicking? Or are they losing their sh## with everyone in the house and struggling to stay on top of it? Both of us have teens currently revising for important exams, so we thought it might be helpful to…
Ask Rachel anything Most first world countries agree that the age of consent is around sixteen, but teenagers don't suddenly awake to their sexuality on their sixteenth birthday. Sexual feelings and interest can start much younger, well before they’re able to understand the implications. One mother has asked us to talk about the issue, because she's struggling to find useful content. Knowing the law helps guide us as parents, but it doesn't exactly stop teens from vaping and d…
Ask Rachel anything We all want our kids to do well at school, but when they become teenagers there's a tendency for both schools and parents to ease back on communication. The schools tend to be much bigger and our teens are trying desperately to distance themselves from parental control and show that they can make their own mark. In fact, most of us don't get to meet individual teachers until parent's evening when the feedback can come as rather a shock. So how much should w…
Ask Rachel anything Nobody likes blowing a fuse when their teen does something that triggers them, but we all do it at some point. Nicky asked us to discuss this topic after she felt she'd overreacted to bad feedback from her son's teachers. We know it fixes nothing and leaves us feeling worse than before, but can we keep smoothing it over with an apology? Long term we run the risk of ruining our connection with our teens because they learn that the best way to manage us parent...<…
Ask Rachel anything The stress of parenting doesn’t go away when they’re teenagers, it just changes. We may have more physical space, but finding mental space can often feel impossible. In this episode we talk about the tools we can use to manage parenting stress, and why paying attention to our own health should be at the top of our list, not the bottom. Links to resources used: Window of tolerance: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/hypoarousal-hyperarousal https://www.ted.com/talks/h…
Ask Rachel anything Nicotine is considered highly addictive, and sales of vapes to teens are illegal, but the numbers of teens vaping nicotine in countries around the world are causing great concern. In America, the FDA called it an epidemic and is cracking down on the marketing and illegal sales of e-cigarettes to minors. France’s anti-tobacco lobby called for the immediate ban of a brand of flavoured, disposable e-cigarettes - that are cheap and look like highlighters - which have b...
Ask Rachel anything The 'social contract' between families and schools has been broken during the pandemic, and ongoing absence of kids is a 'deep and concerning problem' according to Amanda Spielman, chief of the UK schools watchdog. Rates of school refusal and truanting are a huge problem in other countries too. Finding the right approach for dealing with it is crucial, because whatever the reason for missing school it takes a lot of fixing and is a symptom of something…
Ask Rachel anything We've been asked by a listener to discuss how we talk to our boys about influential online figures like Andrew Tate, who act both as an inspiration to achieve great things, and a lightning rod for disgruntled men who blame feminism for their ills and cheer on his particular form of aggressive misogyny. If you have a son who spends time online he's highly likely to have come across the concepts being bandied around - simply as a result of the algorithms used in..…
Ask Rachel anything Having kids can seem like a non-stop obstacle/crash course in how you get another living being to do things, whether for their own good or our own sanity. Some of us are lucky enough to have grown up in a family structure which helps us figure out incentives and boundaries that work. Some equate love with giving them what they want, others are so exhausted it's more a matter of giving in. It can feel like we have it figured out, then the teenage years hit and everyth…
Ask Rachel anything We've all done it; new year, new me. By January the 11th the lustre has rubbed off our shiny resolutions and we're back to our old habits. The reality is that making resolutions and getting them to stick is harder than we'd like it to be. So how do we make changes in our parenting and our family in a way that will continue to work after the fireworks and fun? In this podcast: We talk about uncovering the intention behind the resolution. How to unpack those …
Ask Rachel anything Having your own child can feel like an overwhelming responsibility at times, but when you become a step-parent it's even more complicated. The child may feel resentful because they didn't ask for a new parent, their biological parents are likely to have issues with each other, and then there's our own needs in a new relationship. Ultimately, step-parents can offer a really wonderful addition to the lives of our bonus children. How we go about it can make al…
Ask Rachel anything Parties can be life-enhancing, joyous, and a wonderful chance to meet new people, but when it's for a teenager it can have a touch of the wild west about it. For parents who understand the risks it can feel easier to say no, but if we think through all of the issues - and discuss them with our teens - there's far less chance things will go horribly wrong. Our website has a free checklist of things to cover when planning your party. RESOURCES USED: https://ra...<…
Ask Rachel anything Christmas is marketed as a time of magic and joy, but when it comes to your teenagers does it feel more like pressure - to deliver expensive gifts - and disappointment? One of our regular listeners has asked us to research and discuss how to deal better with their lack of gratitude when things don't live up to their expectations. RESOURCES: https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/GGSC-JTF_White_Paper-Gratitude-FINAL.pdfhttps://www.parentingforbrain.com...
Ask Rachel anything Our teens have been dubbed Generation Isolation by the UK charity OnSide. It follows a poll which showed that 77% of young people spend most of their free time at home and 73% spend most of their free time on screens. The charity says that while online communication is important and has some benefits, its dominance means young people are missing out on the face-to-face interactions that build social skills, confidence, self-esteem, resilience and empathy. &nbs...
Ask Rachel anything 'Today's teenagers are far more hopeless than anything humanity has ever produced before,' according to Jeremy Clarkson, former presenter of Top Gear. He's talking about generation Z, which is the label for those born between 1997 and 2012 and the first to grow up entirely connected to the internet. His claim is that 'the offensive word today's entitled teens have never heard is 'no'. ' There are many articles about entitled te…
