Episodes

Ask Rachel anything Everything seems better when we've had enough sleep; our mood is more stable, our response times are faster, we can control our impulses more easily, and perform tasks more effectively. For teenagers, who are growing rapidly and whose brains are going through a massive rewiring, that need for sleep is arguably even greater. But how many of us are certain that our teens are getting enough sleep? Can we be sure that their moodiness, lack of attention, impulsive...

Ask Rachel anything Conflict is normal - but it often escalates during teenage years because our kids are trying to assert their own wishes, and probably aren't very skilled at it. As parents, it's easy to fall into classic conflict traps if we don't have the skills for resolving disagreements. In this episode we talk about the key techniques we can use - and teach - to ease tension and bust-ups at home and elsewhere. What's even better is that by learning techniques for being assertive -...

Ask Rachel anything It's pre-exam time of year again, and oh boy it's tough for our teens. Does yours have a colour-coded revision schedule, carefully-timed breaks, and a confident spring in their step? Maybe they don't seem to be doing enough revision, and you're the one panicking? Or are they losing their sh## with everyone in the house and struggling to stay on top of it? Both of us have teens currently revising for important exams, so we thought it might be helpful to chat about how we s...

Ask Rachel anything Most first world countries agree that the age of consent is around sixteen, but teenagers don't suddenly awake to their sexuality on their sixteenth birthday. Sexual feelings and interest can start much younger, well before they’re able to understand the implications. One mother has asked us to talk about the issue, because she's struggling to find useful content. Knowing the law helps guide us as parents, but it doesn't exactly stop teens from vaping and drinking ...

Ask Rachel anything We all want our kids to do well at school, but when they become teenagers there's a tendency for both schools and parents to ease back on communication. The schools tend to be much bigger and our teens are trying desperately to distance themselves from parental control and show that they can make their own mark. In fact, most of us don't get to meet individual teachers until parent's evening when the feedback can come as rather a shock. So how much should we be talking w...

Ask Rachel anything Nobody likes blowing a fuse when their teen does something that triggers them, but we all do it at some point. Nicky asked us to discuss this topic after she felt she'd overreacted to bad feedback from her son's teachers. We know it fixes nothing and leaves us feeling worse than before, but can we keep smoothing it over with an apology? Long term we run the risk of ruining our connection with our teens because they learn that the best way to manage us parent...

Ask Rachel anything The stress of parenting doesn’t go away when they’re teenagers, it just changes. We may have more physical space, but finding mental space can often feel impossible. In this episode we talk about the tools we can use to manage parenting stress, and why paying attention to our own health should be at the top of our list, not the bottom. Links to resources used: Window of tolerance: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/hypoarousal-hyperarousal https://www.ted.com/talks/h...

Ask Rachel anything Nicotine is considered highly addictive, and sales of vapes to teens are illegal, but the numbers of teens vaping nicotine in countries around the world are causing great concern. In America, the FDA called it an epidemic and is cracking down on the marketing and illegal sales of e-cigarettes to minors. France’s anti-tobacco lobby called for the immediate ban of a brand of flavoured, disposable e-cigarettes - that are cheap and look like highlighters - which have b...

Ask Rachel anything The 'social contract' between families and schools has been broken during the pandemic, and ongoing absence of kids is a 'deep and concerning problem' according to Amanda Spielman, chief of the UK schools watchdog. Rates of school refusal and truanting are a huge problem in other countries too. Finding the right approach for dealing with it is crucial, because whatever the reason for missing school it takes a lot of fixing and is a symptom of something else that nee...

Ask Rachel anything We've been asked by a listener to discuss how we talk to our boys about influential online figures like Andrew Tate, who act both as an inspiration to achieve great things, and a lightning rod for disgruntled men who blame feminism for their ills and cheer on his particular form of aggressive misogyny. If you have a son who spends time online he's highly likely to have come across the concepts being bandied around - simply as a result of the algorithms used in...

Ask Rachel anything Having kids can seem like a non-stop obstacle/crash course in how you get another living being to do things, whether for their own good or our own sanity. Some of us are lucky enough to have grown up in a family structure which helps us figure out incentives and boundaries that work. Some equate love with giving them what they want, others are so exhausted it's more a matter of giving in. It can feel like we have it figured out, then the teenage years hit and everything ...

Ask Rachel anything We've all done it; new year, new me. By January the 11th the lustre has rubbed off our shiny resolutions and we're back to our old habits. The reality is that making resolutions and getting them to stick is harder than we'd like it to be. So how do we make changes in our parenting and our family in a way that will continue to work after the fireworks and fun? In this podcast: We talk about uncovering the intention behind the resolution. How to unpack those b...

Ask Rachel anything Having your own child can feel like an overwhelming responsibility at times, but when you become a step-parent it's even more complicated. The child may feel resentful because they didn't ask for a new parent, their biological parents are likely to have issues with each other, and then there's our own needs in a new relationship. Ultimately, step-parents can offer a really wonderful addition to the lives of our bonus children. How we go about it can make all ...

Ask Rachel anything Parties can be life-enhancing, joyous, and a wonderful chance to meet new people, but when it's for a teenager it can have a touch of the wild west about it. For parents who understand the risks it can feel easier to say no, but if we think through all of the issues - and discuss them with our teens - there's far less chance things will go horribly wrong. Our website has a free checklist of things to cover when planning your party. RESOURCES USED: https://ra...

Ask Rachel anything Christmas is marketed as a time of magic and joy, but when it comes to your teenagers does it feel more like pressure - to deliver expensive gifts - and disappointment? One of our regular listeners has asked us to research and discuss how to deal better with their lack of gratitude when things don't live up to their expectations. RESOURCES: https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/GGSC-JTF_White_Paper-Gratitude-FINAL.pdfhttps://www.parentingforbrain.com...

Ask Rachel anything Our teens have been dubbed Generation Isolation by the UK charity OnSide. It follows a poll which showed that 77% of young people spend most of their free time at home and 73% spend most of their free time on screens. The charity says that while online communication is important and has some benefits, its dominance means young people are missing out on the face-to-face interactions that build social skills, confidence, self-esteem, resilience and empathy. &nbs...

Ask Rachel anything 'Today's teenagers are far more hopeless than anything humanity has ever produced before,' according to Jeremy Clarkson, former presenter of Top Gear. He's talking about generation Z, which is the label for those born between 1997 and 2012 and the first to grow up entirely connected to the internet. His claim is that 'the offensive word today's entitled teens have never heard is 'no'. ' There are many articles about entitled teens, yet there are statistics that show they...

Ask Rachel anything We've all heard about the phenomenon of a midlife crisis, but it's the teenage years when we first really become aware of our identity. For some, the sense of who we are beneath the roles we play is never a big issue. For others, the shift in perception can result in all sorts of problems. Battles at home if they're boxed into an identity they feel they don't fit, or difficulties at school where trying to fit into a social group can mean losing track of who they really a...

Ask Rachel anything Just under half a million teenagers will start university this autumn in the UK alone. Whilst it might be an exciting time for the teenager, the family left behind can be left reeling with a sense of grief and loss. We talk about what you might be feeling and how best to deal with it. Also, Alex has asked us to take a look at what we should be saying to our teens about manners. We talk about what they are and what they say about you as a person. &...

Ask Rachel anything Can you imagine a TV presenter wearing the same blue suit on-screen for 12 months and nobody noticing, or commenting? Well in Australia, Karl Stefanovic did exactly this to make a point about the different standards men and women are held to. He says whilst his female colleagues were often messaged about what they were wearing, in his case nobody even mentioned his clothing. All the messages were about how he did his job. This is the difficult world our teena...

Ask Rachel anything In all honesty, very few of us thought about our partner's possible parenting style when we began dating them. I know that I didn't. It's mostly romance and blind hope at that stage. By the time the subject really comes into focus we're already in the thick of parenting. Louise has asked us to talk about this, and we loved the topic because so many of us lack the skills to successfully navigate a happy path with a partner who sees things differently. We talk about why co...

Ask Rachel anything Drugs are everywhere; whether they are being peddled by pharmaceutical companies to fix medical problems, used as performance enhancers, or just for kicks, there's a really high chance that our teens will be offered them by someone. The big question is how can we talk to our teens about them in a way that discourages dangerous habits or situations whilst letting them know that they can come to us for help and advice about what they're seeing and doing? We discuss what d...

Ask Rachel anything As a parent, have you ever felt overwhelmed by the sheer size of your job and the range of the responsibilities it involves? Do you ever feel like you've done enough, or are you always suffering with the nagging feeling that you are falling short and it's your fault that things aren't perfect? Well Clare certainly has, so she asked us to talk about Mom guilt. What we discovered has blown our minds. Also, have you ever had that horrible feeling that your teenager is ...

Ask Rachel anything Have you ever caught your teenager lying to you? Let's face it, lying is part of everyday life. In fact an entire film was made on the premise of a lawyer incapable of telling a lie for 24 hours. The result is comedy, but we all know that it can be serious. Our challenge is teaching kids to be truthful to us when it matters, and to be able to tell the difference between the sorts of lies that oil relationships in a healthy way and the ones that will ultimately...