Ask Rachel anything Sponsored by JENZA Positively life changing is how I would sum up the time I spent working abroad during my gap year. I met people with a completely different world view, different language, and learnt to navigate many challenges alone. It gave me a positive, can-do attitude to life. Now my teens are 16 and 18, I want to make sure they have the confidence to meet whatever life throws at them head-on. Given my own experience, I'm convinced that a working holiday is an…
Ask Rachel anything It's one thing to get advice on how to parent, it's another to have independent studies that give real evidence on how well one approach works rather than another. Faced with raising two young kids in a COVID lockdown, social scientist and skilled researcher Matilda Gosling looked for a book that gave her advice that was based on sound evidence. She discovered that such a book didn't exist, so set out to write it. Described by investigative journalist Hanna…
Ask Rachel anything Stress can be a major problem for parents who're constantly juggling tasks and responsibilities. The mental load can feel overwhelming at times and the list literally never ending. So when I discovered Sam Kelly has a brilliant way to: ✅Avoid burnout. ✅Have a happier home life. ✅Help our kids to be successful in life. ✅Avoid nagging. ✅Break the old stereotypes cycle. I had to get her on the show. A mother and feminist coach, Sam is teaching parents how to share the..…
Ask Rachel anything We parents are deluding ourselves about how much our kids enjoy school, according to research for the book The Disengaged Teen. In survey responses 65% of parents thought their 10th grade kid loved school, whilst only 26% of 10th graders actually said they did. A lot of educators admit that things go wrong in the teen years, and many fine minds are trying to work on ways to tackle the problem. In the meantime huge numbers of teens spend most of their time disengaged. Som.…
Ask Rachel anything There are siblings who love spending time with each other as often as possible, some tolerate it once or twice a year, and there are others who would rather eat glass than have to speak to each other. Why? What happens to their relationship? Is there something we parents can be doing to set our kids to be the ones who love and support each other as we age and after we die. When one listener asked for a deep dive on siblings who don’t talk to each other later in life it c.…
Ask Rachel anything MAKING RESOLUTIONS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/70-new-years-resolutions-love-them-or-loathe-them-the-question-is-how-can-we-make-them-work-for-u/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Be-the-person-you-want-to-be-not-the-person-others-think-you-should-be/ PARENTING STRESS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/109-parenting-stress-is-now-a-major-health-issue TOO MANY CHOICES: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/concentration-and-the-troubling-effect-of-too-many-c...…
Ask Rachel anything Connection is at the root of human happiness, but staying connected through the turbulent teens and keeping family traditions and gatherings positive can be a challenge. In this episode we help Helen with her question about how to stay connected with her daughter who's on the brink of becoming a teenager. We also talk about hosting gatherings, drawing on advice from the expert, Priya Parker. How to put nutrients back into our family earth; avoid straying into topics …
Ask Rachel anything In a recent column in The Times, Caitlin Moran wrote about how five young men in her social circle have taken their lives in the past 18 months. She's not alone. My daughter has experienced this, as has Benedicte's son, the listener who contacted me to suggest I cover it in an episode. In the UK, the leading cause of death for men under the age of 50 is suicide, and the statistics in the US are even worse. Boys are particularly vulnerable, and we know that there…
Ask Rachel anything So many of us bemoan the loss of a village, but do we really know what we mean by that? Being in a village or community requires us to give as well as take; often not on our own terms. It also means that we have to brush shoulders with people who might have radically different viewpoints from us on things like politics or religion. Many of us have got used to our busy, overscheduled lives, and don't have time to offer what's needed to create community, whils...<…
Ask Rachel anything Encouraging our kids to make the most of themselves is a vital job for parents, but how do we talk with girls about the barriers they face? From the subtle expectation that girls and women be humble to the not so subtle focus on their worth based on body parts and beauty, we parents are left with a tricky path to tread. We want to encourage our girls to be bold, and try to achieve their dreams, but how do we do that without being honest about the pitfalls of being ambiti.…
Ask Rachel anything The suicide of a young man at Oxford University has prompted a warning letter to the UK Government about 'cancel culture' on campus. The review into his death 'identified evidence of a concerning practice of social ostracism among students, often referred to as a cancel culture,' according the coroner. '[The review's] evidence was that this behaviour, where individuals are isolated and excluded from social groups based on allegations or perce…
Ask Rachel anything Friendships, and fitting, in are everything to teenagers. You could argue that understanding the dynamics, and supporting our kids through the turmoil of the teen years, is one of the best things we parents can do. Former Headteacher of 18 years, Andrew Hampton FRSA, is no stranger to the issue. He's not only raised two girls he's also had to deal with the fall-out in school when friendships go wrong. Having set up the organisation, Girls On Board, which aim...<…
Ask Rachel anything If we genuinely think about how many of us are emotionally mature before we become parents the number is probably pretty low. The act of caring for someone else, and having to manage our own feelings, can be incredibly challenging, particularly when we were raised by parents who were immature themselves. Being able to spot the difference between being emotionally immature, and the normal pressures of parenting, can be really helpful. We all have outbursts at times; we…
Ask Rachel anything What we see on TikTok often starts on message boards in fringe groups then spills over into the mainstream. This is true of the Looksmaxxing social media trend that's been gaining more and more currency among teen boys. The goal of looksmaxxing is to meet a set of criteria for physical attractiveness, with a focus on the eyes, jawline, and physique and the ultimate currency is SMV, or Sexual Market Value. There are some really positive elements to the trend, but its …
Ask Rachel anything Boundaries exist, regardless of whether we're conscious of them or not. The first place we experience them is in our own home, and the way they are created, managed and enforced can set us up for a lifetime of healthy relationships, or difficulty coping with other humans. In this episode Susie and I discuss what a boundary is, how we uncover our own boundaries and create and uphold healthy ones within our own families. It's a fascinating area for us parents who …
Ask Rachel anything When kids hit puberty they become driven by a core motivation that many of us adults don't fully appreciate. It's not simply fun, or sex; they're looking for experiences that give them social status and respect. According to David Yeager, author of 10-25: The Science of How to Motivate Young People, a societal belief that teens and young adults are lazy and incompetent causes us to misunderstand the power of this motivator. When parents, teachers and employ…
Ask Rachel anything Over the last decade, parents have been consistently more likely to report experiencing high levels of stress compared to other adults, according to a report issued by the US Surgeon General, Dr Vivek Murthy. According to the advisory, 'When stress is severe or prolonged, it can have a harmful effect on the mental health of parents and caregivers, which in turn also affects the well- being of the children they raise. Children of parents with mental health conditions.…
Ask Rachel anything How to parent kids who struggle with ADHD, anxiety and life Nobody wants their child to struggle, but it's inevitable at some point. Many of the problems our kids face will be part of a well-worn path through the teenage years. But some kids have more complex needs. Parenting them can be far more challenging, and require a far great draw on our own resources, which is why I've been looking out for advice that will help those of us who find ourselves in that situ…
Ask Rachel anything A recent Tweet focused my mind on something I've only really glimpsed with a side-eye. We hear so much about the challenges of the early teen years that it's easy to forget young adults have their own issues. As the Tweeter said, when our kids are 18-22 they're dealing with adult emotions, disappointing experiences and us parents have zero control; making it terrible to witness. The response to the remark was a variety of parents agreeing entirely, or beggi…
Ask Rachel anything When an anonymous listener posted this question we thought it would be a great topic to discuss; one that many of our listeners could be wondering about. The listener said, Hello, I absolutely love your podcast. And here’s the question. Do you think all teens should go to therapy, just so they have a space to talk that isn’t a parent, family member or friend. I’ve been pondering this lately and trying to equip my kids with all the tools I feel they will need in life...
Ask Rachel anything Grades are used in education the world over, but why? With the growing mental health crisis in teenagers I've been exploring how experts are asking whether perhaps it's time we looked again at the role grades play in helping or hindering the learning of our children. In my interview with Josh Eyler, author of Failing Our Future: How Grades Harm Students, and What We Can Do about It we discuss the negative impact of grades on students. Eyler argues that the focus…
Ask Rachel anything As your child turns from a tween to a teen it's obvious to everyone that their body and mind are undergoing massive changes. It's destablising for our kids and can be very uncomfortable for us parents watching as the changes take place. Some of our discomfort can come from our own fears about how to guide them through the changes and what sort of person will come out the other side of the transformation. Some of it will be down to our own memories of the prob...…
Ask Rachel anything Music festivals are a rite of passage for many teens. Whilst some love the music, the lack of restriction and opportunities to mingle in a way that they could have only dreamt of during Covid, others decide to give them a miss or go and positively hate the experience. I was never a festival kid growing up. I didn't have the money, or the opportunity. As an adult, I've found them to be joyous events, but will always refuse to stay the night. My girls have now ...…
Ask Rachel anything What is school for, and are exam grades a good measure of a human? Does someone's grades tell us what we should know, or are we being misled? Do grades help children grow and engage with learning, or do they simply destroy interest and entrench social divisions? These are the sort of questions that perplex many of us who are parenting teenagers. It’s coming to the end of summer in the UK which means there’s been a wave of exam results and the beautifully timed releas…
