We All Know By Now That I Tend To Break Into Cars

0:08 Welcome to my weekly panic Attack. I'm your host, Renny Brooks. I've been a licensed psychotherapist for over twenty years and run a thriving private practice. I'm also diagnosed bipolar an OCD. Often the two do not mix well, which tends to throw my life into complete chaos. So as I do some spiraling, my best friend Liz Win will do her best to ground me a bit. During this podcast, we'll be talking about the horror and the humor of the anxieties of daily life, the things we do that are embarrassing, funny, but yet very human. Let's get started, and there's no better way to get started than by beginning this episode and all episodes with my friend and co host, the beautiful, intelligent, and ever rational Liz Win.

1:15 How are you, Liz Hey? How are you today? Fremy? I am okay, Actually, honestly, I'm feeling pretty good. We did an episode a little while ago on car blindness. Do you remember? I do, and I now have confirmation that car blindness is a real thing, so we'll talk about that in a bit. Okay, First, here's a well adjusted moment from Liz's life. So, I mean, when I was traveling to Austin, there was no Whawa, so I needed to go to a different communion store and I came across a bigger and can I say a better store? Um no, Actually you may not say I'm taking great offense.

2:08 I feel like you're talking badly about Wahwa. I would never talk badly about Wahwa. It's just this store had everything wawahad plus so much more. Okay, So now not only do I feel like you're talking badly about Wawa, but I feel like you've cheated on Wahwa. And quite frankly, I don't like this at all. I think it's time that we end this conversation. O Commy, there are other places that are outside your ten mile radius. Yeah, I've heard the rumors. I don't necessarily believe them. And you absolutely knew this was coming. You've got to have a wa Wa, But that's what I'm saying. You don't always have to have whoa. And this has been a well adjusted moment from Liz's life. Guess what time it is, Liz? What time is it? It is time for me to tell you what the hell I'm stressed about? Now? So what is on your plate today? Okay? So we all know by now that I tend to break into cars. Yes, yes, we do. Okay, well that's kind of stressful because it's not something that I actually attempt to do. It

3:43 just kind of happens. Now. We spoke about car blindness before, and it turns out car blindness, as I knew it would be, is a real thing with a different name, which is why I couldn't find it. The actual name is change blindness. And it turns out that there's like real research behind this. There's this big, long definition and whoever's interested can go and check it out if they want to. But basically, what it means is that if you believe and expect to see whatever it is you think you're going to see, and because you so firmly assume that what you're going to see is actually there, then that's what you see. So I'm not saying that, you know, if you're in Target and you think you're going to see an elephant in the middle of an aisle, you mistake a shopping heart for the elephant. It has to actually be somewhat similar to what it is you're saying. Like my last story about car blindness, I swapped my dad's white Mazda for another white Mazda. They were very similar. Hence change blindness.

5:13 Liz, Okay, the last time we talked about this, you seemed, let's say, doubtful, thinking that I might be the only person who experienced such a phenomenon. Turns out it's actually quite common. Okay. I just want to say that I was right and you were wrong. I was waiting for that part for you to get belonged to that I was right and you were wrong. Okay, So we can agree that I was right and you were wrong. We're good with that. Saying that I now feel like I can move on. I just want to make sure that you are good with that, and you feel like you can move on. I can't.

6:12 I can move on. I can accept. I can accept that you found this, that it was to be true, um, that that it could be true, and that you were wrong. I have no problem saying I was wrong, I was wrong. They're okay, very still not wrong about the bat, but I'm okay. Okay, the bat, Liz, another story, Um, Liz, bats do not all have sonar. I'm just saying because the bat smacked me in the face. So no, Liz, you were wrong. On that one too. Not okay, we'll go Okay, Liz, you were wrong on that one too when you told me that the bat will not come near me and then it smacked me in the face.

7:11 I have to say you were wrong on that one too. However, we can move on. We can okay, get the screen, because there are two more change blindness stories that I would love to share that will pretty much cover how diverse an issue this is for me. Okay, Okay. At one point in my career, I was a clinical supervisor working at a mental health agency and I had an out of office meeting to go to with my supervisor. Now I can't use her real name, so I am going to call her Laura and hope that I don't mess up. If I mess up, there are going to be lots of bleeps in this particular episode, So we're going to try very hard to call her Laura, La Laura, Laura, Laura, Laura, Laura. Okay, So, now Laura knew exactly where this meeting was, so it was an obvious choice that she was going to be the driver. We get into her car, we go to the meeting. On the way back from the meeting, we stopped at Wawa so that she could fill her car out with gas and I could go in and get a cup of coffee. Before I left her car, I very specifically asked her if she planned on staying parked right there at the pumps or if she planned on moving to a parking spot, and she very specifically said

8:50 that she was going to wait at the pump for me. So I get out of the car and I look up at the number sign, and she was at pump number six. Okay, due diligence, exactly exactly, so I repeat in my head, pump number six, pump number six, pump number six, pump number six, pump number six. I walk to the front doors, I turn around one last time, and there she is pumping her gas. And I look up at the number sign and I verify for myself one last time, pump number six. I go into the store, make my coffee, pay the entire time, saying to myself, pump number six, pump number six. I exit, walk over to pump number six, get in the car, put the cup of hot coffee between my legs as I buckle up, and I say, okay, let's go, and Laura screams so I scream, and she screams, get half my car.

10:03 Okay, very odd, very odd. I looked at her for the first time since getting in the car, and I scream just as loudly as she does, You're not Laura. And she screams, get half my car. So I scream, because I'm in just as much shocked as she is. I'm just as scared. I scream again, You're not Laura. Get out of my car. You're not Laura, I am. This is why the wishing would have supposed to turn her into Laura. I am honestly not sure how long this went on for, but at some point it hit me to get out of this one in this car. So I opened the door and attempted. Oh God, breathe, you were still buckled in with their legs.

11:18 Oh did I realize this one leg successfully got out o the other, not the scolden hot coffee which had been positioned between my thighs. Well, the lid came off from the entire large cup of coffee spilled all over me and this woman's car. But for whatever reason, because I had no idea, I couldn't get my other leg out. As much as I tried and I really tried. Oh while she continues sccreaming, screaming for me to get out, but I couldn't. And I tell her I am trying. I am really really trying the doors open. I keep throwing my body o, all my weight, trying so hard to get out of her car. When she realizes that I'm still seatbelted in, she unclicks with no warning and I fall to the ground. Catapult yourself out at that point, covereding coffee,

12:52 ruised hands and knees with tears, And I tell you, the tears had nothing to do with my many cuts and scrapes. I stand up and look at this woman who is not Laura, and she's screaming for me to close the door. And I find that all I can tell is you're not Laura. Close my door. You're not Laura. Oh God. She reached over and closed and locked the door herself, and I look up and I am indeed at pump number six and thinking, what the fuck is going on here?

13:52 Now? I have to ask you, when you were at the wahwah and you looked back, You didn't look back at the car, just look back at the pomp exactly exactly okay, so beaten, battered, stained, and traumatized. Who the traumatized person was there? I think we both were. I walk up to the front of Wawa, and I would have called Laura, but my phone was in her car. I desperately needed a cigarette, but my pack was also in her car. I meanwhile, was expecting the police to show up and arrest me for breaking and entering or something worse.

14:50 I don't know what the charges would have been. I just knew that I needed to find Laura and get the hell out of the out. But I couldn't find her because I didn't know what her car looked like. So I stood in front of Wawa and just started looking around. Now, Yes, I had gotten into Laura's car so we could go to the meeting, gotten out of her car once we got to the meeting, twice, gotten back into her car on the way to Wahua. Gotten out of her car once we got to Wahwa. Turned around and looked to verify pump number six.

15:41 Perhaps I should have known what kind of car she drove. Sure probably did I even know what color her car was? He didn't even know what color it was? No, No, I did not. I had no idea what car I was looking for. I had just aimlessly followed Laura to her car, and then I assumed stupidly that she would be where she said she would be. So I am looking at all the parked car cars and I see what may be Laura. But this woman had her head down, looking at her phone in her own little fucking world, having no idea what I just went through. And I wasn't about to approach this woman just in case this was again Laura. I didn't want to. There's somebody else.

17:03 I just waited and did the hard stare until she finally looked up at me and waved towards me like confusion, like why are you just standing there? So it was, in fact Laura. I get into her car. I yell, pump number six, pump number six, you were supposed to be at pump number six. When you say you're gonna be somewhere, that's the fuck where you should be. Now, remember this is my supervisor. Yes, pump number fucking six. We're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back. As a therapist herself, she stood back and looked someone's having a moment here. Thankfully she did not see this as subordination, rather as a person on and or over the verge of having a complete mental breakdown.

18:36 Remy, she started, very calmly, why don't you tell me what happened? Now? Really, if you think about this story from Laura's side, how could she possibly imagine that's so much could have gone down while she was simply pumping gas and going through her email, right, it could not have been possible. I wouldn't have picked that one out there. Never, Pump number six is what happened. You need to pull the fuck out of this parking lot before the police show up. On our way back from Wawa, I made her pull into a parking lot where I smoked many cigarettes trying to calm myself down, and told her the quite unbelievable story of pump number six.

19:41 And so this was another and yet totally different kind of case of car blindness. Okay, I'm trying to calm myself down because I'm little anxious. I mean, I kind of give a tea on the other story. But this one you didn't even at least the other were two white cars. This was literally just an object in a pump, yes, but it was pump number six. She very specifically told me that is where she was going to be. I had no reason to question it, none at all. I am sure after that she never moved from the pump that she was at.

20:34 I have no idea except that this is my regular Wahwah, and so every time I go there, I see pump numbers. It's a trigger. It is. It's a trigger. Every single time I go to wah Wah, I say, oh my god, pump number six every single time. Oh okay, one last story. Okay, this is the one that happened actually pretty recently that got me thinking about car blindness to begin with. So I had to go to the market, which I always dread. I mean, I have enough cans of soup to last me at least six months, so I'm good. But like, apparently, so I'm told kids need to eat, Like, oh, come on, what else do you need from me?

21:38 So susin answer, I mean, come on, you ask for so much, leave me alone. So we were actually low on both human food and dog food. I think it was the low on dog food that really got me going. I had choices to make. I figured I could possibly stretch out all the food and wait until the weekend. What I wouldn't have to go to the market alone. I could take my youngest with me, which really was a much better choice. Correct. But then I checked the forecast and we were expecting rain all weekend. And the only thing I hate more than going to the market is going to the market in the rain.

22:30 So I had to make a decision go to the market by myself, in which case any number of things could go very very wrong or right, wait until a rainy weekend and go to the market with my little one. I decided not to hold off and just go to the market that day, get it over with, much to my dismay. May I add, now, when I go to the market by myself, I have a couple of techniques that I use. Okay, I always try to park in the same misle because it gives me a much better chance of finding my car. I use my grounding techniques and some de escalation techniques. Before I leave the car, I review my list at least twice so I know exactly what I need with the goal of getting out of there as quickly as possible. The list is handwritten, I hold it in my hand the entire time. For really easy and quick reviews so I don't have to keep checking my phone. And then I head into the market with the hope that nothing terribly awful is going to a car. That's like a full time job right there. It is a

24:02 whole thing. Now I have whole routines for pretty much everything I do. That is my market routine. Okay, Okay, I couldn't believe what was happening. I made it to the checkout line. Food was being backed. Okay, I was almost out incident free. I was heading towards the exit. The only thing at this point that could go wrong is the alarm going off as I'm leaving, which has happened before, so it would be nothing new. Okay. I had my receipt in hand, so that when the alarm goes off, I am ready to prove that I have paid for my groceries. I take some very deep breaths because I'm waiting for the alarm, and I walk through the door. No alarm less. Perfect. So now I'm listening for the miss, miss please stop. But it doesn't come.

25:15 Liz, I'm free. I did it. I made it successfully. I go to the aisle that I know I parked in because it's my regular aisle, and from the curb, I click my key fob to unlock my car, which is like way down, but it unlocks. I see the lights go on. I am starting to approach my car. I get to the white suv. I open the trunk, I put all my groceries inside, put the cart in the cart in, close my trunk, Get into my car, buckle up. Put the key in the ignition, but the key won't go in. Oh, this is not a fake. The key fits thing. The key did not fit. Now listen, I am really truly, and I know that it sometimes comes off like I am, But I am not a fucking idiot. I do, indeed know how to put a key in an ignition. I've done it a million times. So I try again to no avail. Clearly, something's wrong with my key. Okay, I turn the key over, which I should not have to do because it goes in both ways. I turn the key over and I try again,

26:51 and it's not working. Okay, calm calm down, Calm down. I must be rushing without realizing that I'm rushing. So I take my seatbelt off because now I need room to work, and I get a much better look at the ignition area, and it's like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. What the fuck? Why won't it go in? I have no idea what's happening in this moment. And then I noticed that my pink, fuzzy steering wheel cover is not on my steering wheel. Oh good god, you're in someone else's car. I look into the back seat and it's full of stuff, stuff that should not be there. I don't keep stuff in my back seat because if I kept stuff in my back seat, Lucy would eat right. I look up front again. No box of tissues, no cigarettes, no trash back. Oh my god, is this like a slow roll or a fast roll? To the Oh crap, I'm in

28:23 the wrong car. It I so didn't understand what was happening. It was slow. It was a fair slow process. And then, like you said, I realized that I'm in the wrong car, that this is not my car, and that I just loaded all my groceries into a car that is not my line, that I am sitting in the driver's seat of a car that is not mine, and I'm wondering what do I do now. I well, I was thinking, do I go back into the market and get the owner of this car and explain what happened. Do I just unload all my groceries back into a cart and then reload them whenever it is I find my car, Like, people are going to see this, right, They'll think I'm stealing. So many things can go wrong in this scenario, so

29:53 many people can call the police. And what am I going to say? Because is my story even believable? Like, I'm not sure that it is. What should I do here? I get out of the car and I use my key fob, and it turns out that my car is exactly two cars over from this car? Okay? And I decide to take the risk. I get back into this car that is not mine and use the trunk release and very quickly, very quickly learn the car transfer all my groceries two cars over into my actual car. Much to my surprise, no one stopped me, no one questioned me, and somehow the owners did not come out during this process, Thank goodness, Thang God. When done, I locked their door and left as though I had never been there. Do I need

31:25 to tell you that I expected the police to arrive at my house all day long? Oh? My God, I can't imagine, because I would have just been okay, drove away. No one saw it, were good to go all day. I expected like a call from the police, like knock knock, knock knock. I was terrified. Now I usually throw my grocery receipts away this second I get home. Not this time. I still have that receiver clipped to my refrigerator, just in case. Car blindness, Liz.

32:12 I expected that first the white SUV car to be my car, and therefore in my head it was my car, and no, I did not notice that the entire trunk had a completely different layout and had things in it that my trunk doesn't have. And I did not notice that my car magnets that are on the back of my car, so I can tell it is in fact my car were not on this car that I opened. I did not notice that the entire inside was completely different until my key. Want to start the ignition. I'm guessing you've now created a new process for when you come out of the market. I really I think I figured it out now.

33:13 Had the key worked, I would have ended up driving. Oh yeah, you would have Yes, yes, I would have car blindness. List or shall I say change blindness. So I have now shared three very different kind of change blindness stories, all of which have a very real impact on my life, all of which could get me in serious trouble, like legal trouble. Can I tell you how scary and exhausting it is to always be waiting to be caught by the police for something that I feel like I have no control over, and clearly I do have control over this. I think the answer is to pay a closer attention, be aware, like, yes, be more aware. And yet I feel like at some point I will get a call from you that you're in you're in the clink because you stole

34:45 a car. I am just waiting for that time. I am waiting, like literally waiting for that. I don't know how that hasn't happened yet, and I'm terrified for it. It's like one thing to commit a crime because you want to and or me to, and like this is your goal, You're set, You're setting out to commit a crime, versus being so fucking oblivious you have committed like like you know you're under arrest for And my response is like what I did? What? God? You have flaw Lawyers in the family man, Thank God, And I am so like intimidated by you know how, like they on TV they put people in interrogation rooms, Like if that really happened, if a police officer came to arrest me, like right then and there, I would be like, yes, and I'm sure I committed a murder. Show we're thinking messing to everything. Yeah, it would be horrible, horrible. So for those listening, if you have experiences with change blindness, now, mine happens to be like all car related,

36:17 but yours can be related to anything. Please share your stories. We would love to hear from you. You can reach us at Voyage Media at Twitter, Instagram, and on Facebook, and you can reach out directly to me at Panicked Remy on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook