Leave For A Battery, Return With A Dog

0:08 Welcome to my weekly panic attack. I'm your host, Remy Brooks. I've been a licensed psychotherapist for over twenty years and run a thriving private practice. I'm also diagnosed s bipolar or OCD. Often the two do not mix well, which tends to throw my life into complete chaos. So as I do some spiraling, my best friend Liz Win will do her best to ground me a bit. During this podcast, we'll be talking about the horror and the humor of the anxieties of daily life, the things we do that are embarrassing, funny, but yet very human. Let's get started, and there's no better way to get started than by beginning this episode and all episodes with my friend and co host, the beautiful, intelligence and ever rational Liz Win.

1:14 How are you, Liz? I'm good today. How are you well? I'm a little stressed because I got a puppy, and I really could just end the story right here, because anybody who has a puppy is probably experiencing the same level of stress that I'm currently experiencing. I'll get into that later, but first, here's a well adjusted moment from Lizz's life. Name or me. As I was rushing out of the house to get to work. I saw that someone stole all four tires off my car and left it resting on four soda cards. Did you use any contacts to try to find this person so payback could be dished out, No, remy, I of course called my insurance company and talk to them and got four new tires for the cost of the d duck. It was a total win on my part.

2:15 Yes, of course you would see it that way. And this has been a well adjusted moment from Lizz's life. Guess what time it is, Liz, What time is it? It is time for me to tell you what the hell I'm stressed out about. Now what is stressing you out today? Liz? I have a puppy named Lucy and I have a love hate relationship with her. I love her, I do, but she is so destructive and she is testing my OCD every single day. She finds my decorative pillows.

3:08 Oh no, and all of my throat blankets absolutely delicious as she eats all of them, all of them. Liz. So now they are all your lovely pillows that were purchased as a set to look nice on your couch. Gone. Um, it's those pillows are actually what made the couch like I loved those eaten eaten um not replaceable. Yeah, exactly. She is destroying my house item by item. And that's not to say like there are lovable, wonderful things about her when she's not being destructive, which sadly isn't very off often. So again I will sum this up by saying that we have a love hate relationship. Liz, I am going to ask you, okay, the trip with me all the way back to the year twenty oh one. This was the year I got married. Yes, I do remember that, you do, of course you do. But before I got married, something else major happened that year. Very early on in my career,

4:40 I was working as a mobile crisis therapist and I got a call. So I grabbed God so many things I needed at my purse, laptop, my bag of paperwork, my ice, water, coffee, sunglasses, keys, cell phone, everything I needed, and out to the car I went. Does one do, regardless of how nicely you ask, when you turn your car on and your car says nope, not today, today is not the day. I'm just not doing it. What does one do? Sit inhale and exhale that happened to me yesterday. I am so sorry on the way to someone's memorial. Yes, oh, Liz, I'm so sorry. Okay, so you sat inhaled and exhaled, and I'm guessing when you tried to turn it on, it's still said no. It's still said no. You must be kidding. You're right. Okay, So what did you do after you're inhale and exhale experience? Well, since I was picking my mother up to take her to this thing, I called her to have her pick me up to take me to take us to the memorial. Okay, very not what you could do. Going to work, I called Triple it. And

6:15 how long is a typical wait for Triple A in Philadelphia? Three or four hours? Yes, multiple hours. So about three hours later, Triple A finally shows up and the guy says, he's like, it's no big deal. It's a dead battery. Take the card of the mechanic. They'll be able to pop out the dead battery and pop in a new one. He says it's a five minute job. So he gave me a jump and I went to my mechanic. I get to the shop, I walk in, I say, I need a new battery, and they say to me, no problem, great, now exactly, I'm told it's a five minute job.

7:06 He says, do you see all those people waiting, You'll be after them. Okay, So how long do you think that's gonna take? About two hours or a five minute job? You've got to be kidding me, You're right, he says, about two hours and five minutes to actually swap it out. Yes, wait a minute, don't you think maybe someone can just pop out the dead battery and pop out the new one, because it's only a five the minute job, right, So he points to the waiting room and asks, well, how do you think all those people who've been waiting for hours ye would feel if we took you in before them. He asked me to think about it, and I thought he came up with I think they'd be fine with it, because you know, it's a five minute

8:39 job. Liz. The man left. He outright left at me. I can absolutely imagine his face as this conversation was going on, and the faces of the people that were hearing this conversation going on. Nobody was hearing it. I was the only one at the counter. Everybody else was in the waiting lounge, and I sink, you know, watch watch this. I walked over to the large crowd of waiting people, introduced myself, said my hollos to everyone, and then I began I'm hoping that you guys can clear something up for me. Actually, I'm hoping that you will take my side, because I believe in all of you, whereas the man behind the counter believes in none of you. I need a new battery. It's a five minute job. All they need to do is pop out the old battery and pop in the new one, literally five minutes. The man behind the counter, he thinks you would have a problem with that. Where I know because I'm just like you. I live here too. I'm a Philadelphian, born and raised in the city of brotherly Love. I know that you guys would

10:15 never have a problem with somebody coming in for a very fast, five minute chuck. They showed you all the brotherly love of Philly, right. Well, say that facetiously, because two my shink and dismay. Someone said to me, you're fucking kidding me. I've been here three hours. Somebody else said, I've been here since before they opened, and you want to jump in line huh. And then someone rose and started walking towards It's me.

11:00 Oh god, I've found myself putting my hands out in a stop motion, saying, whoa, whoa, whoa, stand back, get back. Instead he got closer, and I am backing up and quite honestly beginning to feel slightly panicked. But yet my mouth won't stop. It couldn't stop, and I found myself saying, what is wrong with you? It's a five minute job, a five minute job. You're telling me he's right, and more importantly, I'm wrong. And the one man who is standing is screaming at me, get the fuck out of here. The guy behind the calendar gives me away out by calling me over to him. I was very grateful.

12:13 He was, you know, he was chuckling under his breath as he did that to my faceless not under his breath, to my face. All of the people in the waiting room they had become enraged, and I couldn't stop screaming like disgraceful, you are shameful. This is a balling. I mean, I really couldn't believe it. So I now had ours. So waiting and waiting in the auto shop did not seem like a very good idea.

12:54 You didn't want to sit next to the people that you just have to were shameful. I can't imagine that's I did not want to do. The good thing about this autoshop that I now had hours to wait in is that it's attached to a very large shopping center. I've been to the shopping center so many times, but I only have gone into one store, so I never actually walked the shopping center, and therefore I had no idea what was in there. So I'm walking around chain smoking because I'm livid. May I remind you a five minute shop? Lo and behold there's a pet store that I never knew existed. And since I had plenty of time to kill right, I walked in and there were two puppies, only two puppies. One was this absolutely beautiful German shepherd baby boy, who was all ears. His earsss were so big that he could barely hold his head up. I remember that, No, God, he was so beautiful. Now, I have a

14:26 beautiful, wonderful history with a German shepherd, so I always knew that I was going to end up with one. What I did not know is that on that particular day, I would meet that German shepherd, and the other puppy was a female yellow lab. My parents had recently just put down their dog, Sassy, the chocolate brown lab that I had already talked about. Yeah, and they were just starting to talk about thinking that maybe at some point perhaps they might consider getting a female yellow black. And here she was.

15:16 We're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back. I walked into this pet store and here was my German shepherd and my parents yellow lab, the family two puppies they had in this entire store. Being that I had so much time to kill, I asked the woman who was working there to set up a room for me and my German shepherd. So I'm playing with him, and eventually the auto place calls and tells me that my car is ready to be picked up, so I leave the room. I give her back the shepherd. And at this point I had never had my own dog as an adult, so I had like, literally no idea how much dogs, cause I didn't know if they were two hundred, five hundred, a thousand, Like, I had no idea it's a shell, it's a stick, sticker, shock when you see it, well, and again, this was two thousand and one, so I had no idea. So I asked the woman who worked there, how much is the shepherd? And she says twenty five hundred? WHOA, that was a lot back then. That figure was a figure how I could not compete in my head it was so

16:48 high. So I tried to work it out out loud as in two thousand and five hundred dollars. Yes, okay. So here's the thing. I'm not trying to pull one over on you. I don't have that money. I just I don't have it. It's not in my account, it does not exist. But I do want the dog. So what's the lowest price you'll sell this dog for? Twenty five hundred? I think you're missing the fact that we have entered the negotiation phase. I think one of you thought that the other one was not so aware of that. Well, she says, we don't negotiate. So I say, may I please speak with your manager? Well, don't you know it was she is the manager. Who else can I speak with? No one? I said, you don't play this game. Well, that's an interesting take on it. She says, there's no game to play. The Dougust twenty five dollars dollars. Ever,

18:25 make sure I reply I hate you, and very calmly, she says, I'm sorry you feel that way. You don't act like you're very sorry. I'm sorry that that's what's coming across. How raged. I how raged the second time the day. Oh oh, I am having a very bad day. And I turned around two storm out the store as only I can.

19:07 But right before I opened the door, I asked, Hey, how much for the yellow lab twenty five hundred? Fuck you can? I leave? Thought that was great mature way to handle that. Hey, I am nothing if not a class act a story to tell for that day. So I get into my now working car and I call my mom and her office to tell her all about the day I'm having. I tell her about the German Shepherd puppy, and I asked, do you remember my history with this other German shepherd? Of course she does, Like, what are the chances, mom, of all the days for my car to have died? What should have taken five minutes took hours that I never knew this pet store even existed, But there were only two puppies, Mom, I need this dog.

20:19 This dog is meant to be mine. This is like a full circle moment. This is like God saying this dog was meant for me, And she's like, well, why didn't you get him twenty five hundred dollars? Mom to twenty five hundred dollars, And I leave it there with a very planned and specifically place pause to give her the necessary time that she would need an order to say, because I have this all figured out in my head, for an order for her to say, well, hone, maybe Daddy and I can get him for you as a combined Hanukkah and birthday gift. Now, that was exactly what was supposed to come out of her mouth, because I willed it. I so strongly willed it. And again, this was meant to be. So I'm waiting for the line which surely was about to come out of her mouth, but instead she said, I'm sorry to hear

21:53 that, babe. I need to get back to work. That my mal wielding thing was not coming across to her, obviously, obviously, But Liz, I had one more chip to play now, I just only had one more hip, and here it was. Do you know how I told your mom that there were two puppies in that store you'll never believe this. The other puppy was a female yellow Lab. And then I go silent, letting it all soak in. That was your mic trop exactly. I know how to play this game. I have been playing this game my entire life.

22:49 And she took it. She took the beat and said really, and I'm like, yes, the rest of the litter is gone for both my German shepherd and you're yellow Lab. I'm telling you, mom, this is a meant to be moment. Seriously, what are the chances? And her response was, babe, I really need to get back to work. So I had played all my later cards. Yep, you did it, and I was left not feeling very hopeful. Later that night, I get a phone call from my mom. She says, guess what I'm doing. I don't like this game, Mom, I don't want to guess what are you doing?

23:55 I'm playing with my new yellow Lab. Oh no, yeay, she's getting you your dog. I'm like, you're doing what? So she says, I told Randy. Okay, Randy bus now husband, long story. Another time. I told him your story and he surprised me and Daddy with the yellow Lab. So I'm playing with my yellow lab. Um is Randy on his way to my house with my German shepherd? And she is confused.

24:38 Confused, Liz, she's confused. She blocked out part of that conversation you had earlier that day. She did, indeed, because she asked, why would he be on his way to your house with a German shepherd? I'm sorry, Mom, did you miss the entire point of my story? Because the entire point of my story was about the German shepherd. How this was a full circle moment, How I needed this dog, how I was meant by God to have this dog. Mom, it was a throwaway statement when I mentioned the yellow lab. The story had nothing to do with the yellow lab. Are you telling me that the only part of the story you got was the yellow lab? And she said, so, are you telling me I should call Randy about the German shepherd. I'm just wondering how we're still on the phone, anger, not already calling Randy about the German shepherd.

26:07 So I'll call you back in a few minutes, she said. She was seeing the air of her way. She was, indeed, and true to her word. In a few minutes, my mom called back and said, so, Randy decided that he's gonna get you a German shepherd puppy as your wedding gift. Oh my god, I wonder how he came up with such an original idea. Brilliant, brilliant was an extremely generous and thoughtful wedding gift. I'd better call and thank him, Yes, you better, but first come over and meet my puppy. So later that week we picked up our new German shepherd that we named Dudley, who, as you remember, I'm sure was the worst. He was a sick dog. He was actually very sick throughout his entire life. Yes, I know, because I watched him the week that you were away on your honeymoon, and all he did was have diarrhe in the entire time. He fel horrible for him. He had three stomach surgeries, and he never even with the three stomach surgeries,

27:40 he never had a solid poop in his entire life. The poor dog, the poor dog. He was loud, and he cried and he howled constantly. I did not know that German shepherds howled like all the time. Even throughout the night. My X and I could not sleep because Dudley spent all hours of the night howling. It was really no fun. So my brain works in very strange ways. I think in TV theme songs. I have no idea why I do this. I have always done this. I continue to do this. And as Dudley would howl, my sleep deprived self created a song for him which I used to sing as a coping skill for myself.

28:40 He would howl and I would stare at him and I would sing the Dudley song. I am about to sing that Dudley song. But this comes with a warning that anybody listening should take very seriously. I am quite possibly the world's worst singer, and listening to this song may kirk you. So warning given this song is sung to the tune of the Brady Bunch theme song. Interesting here it goes. Here's a story of a Dudley doggie who was brown and black and cute as he could be. He had four paws and a tail behind him that would automatically wag with glee. Here's a story of a Dudley doggie who would whine and screaming cry all night long. He was very, very loud and annoying. Many thought that he was just misunderstood till the one day when the mommy couldn't take it, and she yelled for him to shut up right away. But the poor dog, but she was kidding, so she packed him up and sent him on his way. The deadly dog, The deadly dog. That is why I got rid of deadly dog.

30:14 Do do do? So it's a good song. As he would how I would just look at him and sing and sing and sing. Eventually things changed. He was an awful puppy, but then he turned into a dog. And while he was a terrible puppy, he was a great dog. Yeah. So now I bring us back from the year two thousand and one to present day Lucy the Lunatic and I have a new mantra. While puppies are horrible beings, they do eventually turn into dogs. Kle. I hate puppies, I do love dogs. So maybe at some point she might just outgrow all of this nonsense. This is my hope, this is how I'm now living day by day. My fingers are crossed for you, and so is whatever is left of your sofa. I thank you very very much.

31:47 So for anybody that's listening and is going through a puppy problem and wants to share, we would love to hear about it or this still, if you have gone to your car first thing in the morning and something very unexpected has occurred, please share that story with us as well. You can reach us at Voyage Media at Twitter, Instagram, and on Facebook, and you can reach out directly to me at Panicked Remy on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.