Car Blindness

0:08 Welcome to my weekly panic Attack. I'm your host, Remy Brooks. I've been a licensed psychotherapist for over twenty years and run a thriving private practice. I'm also diagnosed s bipolar an OCD. Often the two do not mix well, which tends to throw my life into complete chaos. So as I do some spiraling, my best friend Liz win will do her best to ground me a bit. During this podcast, we'll be talking about the horror and the humor of the anxieties of daily life, the things we do that are embarrassing, funny but yet very human. Let's get started, and there's no better way to get started than by beginning this episode and all episodes with my friend and co host, the beautiful, intelligent, and ever rational Liz When.

1:15 How are you, Liz good? How are you doing? Remy? Well, I'm actually a little stressed out. I'm not feeling great today. We're going to be talking about something that's kind of serious and can actually really get me into trouble, like legal trouble. And this just happened last week, So not feeling great, but we'll talk about that. SKA. Okay, First, here's a well adjusted moment from Liz's life. I made a driving r I almost exited the shopping center. Are going in the wrong direction when another woman was driving in. You know, I caught it. I stopped and I waved her on. She was in the right of way. I was absolutely wrong. However, she mistook my wave and thought that I gave her the finger. She then dead stopped her car, got out and started yelling and screaming and cursing at me. Okay, so let me guess then you really gave her the finger and made sure your screams were much louder than hers. Right, No, Remy, you know I was the one who would have looked like an idiot, so I just waved her goodbye and drove off. Well, of course you did, and this has been a well

2:49 adjusted moment from Liz's life. Guess what time it is, Liz, What time is it? It's time I'm for me to tell you what the hell I'm stressed out about now? So what is it this week? Oh? God, Hi, my name is Remy and I break into cars. That's really not the way to introduce yourself to people. But okay, Liz, it just happened again last week. Oh God, thankfully the police were not called, but this latest incident. After this happened, I began to reflect, and during this reflection, I realized that this is a pattern that has existed throughout my entire driving life. Now, as a therapist, I have gone through the DSM cover to cover, so I feel like I can wholeheartedly say that I am not this, that this is not a DSM diagnosis.

4:04 I have many mental health diagnoses, but this isn't one of them. I'm also pretty sure that this is not a medical diagnosis. And yet this is a real thing, but it can't possibly be a remy thing. So what is this diagnosis? Okay, Okay, this is what is it called? Okay, hold on, because I really think that many people experience this, even though I have never ever heard anybody talk about this, and this happens to me in many different kind of ways. So this is what I characterize it. I characterize it all under one right umbrella, and I characterize it as a term that does not exist. And you ask me what I call it? What do you call it? I call it car blindness. And again I really need to emphasize that while it's not in the DSM, and I don't think it's a medical diagnosis. I am not making this up.

5:27 It is a real thing. Are you practicing this for like the cops the next time they actually are called? No, although now that you mentioned it, I really should like rehearse this a little bit so that I do have it on hand for when the cops are called. That is actually a very good idea. I am turning fifty this year, and this kind of stuff has been happening to me throughout all of my driving years, beginning with the very first year I got my driver's license at sixteen, and I think that's the story that I want to share with you today. Okay, okay, So when I was sixteen, I borrowed my dad's white Maxima to drive you all of four blocks to seven eleven. We had a chocolate brown lab named Sassy, who was possibly the greatest car companion ever. I took her with me everywhere I drove, so obviously she accompanied me on this trip to seven eleven. And the trip was very uneventful. We arrived, I parked, I went into the store, I got whatever it was I was there for.

6:45 I exited, I went back to my dad's car. Do you remember back in the day. How you had to lock and unlock doors before we had key fobs, Yes, with the actual key. Yeah, you had to actually put the key in the key slot and turn it to unlock it. So you remember, do you remember that? Okay? So I got to my dad's car, and I put the key in the key slot and I unlocked the door. I buckled up, I put the key in the ignition, and I drove home, you know, the four blocks, A totally uneventful trip home. Now, I grew up in the row homes of northeast Philadelphia, so all parking was parallel parking, and I was lucky enough to have a space open right in front of the house, and I parallel parked be beautifully, jackpot beautifully exactly. Now, you know, being born in Philly and driving in Philly, when one does an amazing job parallel parking, there's like a bit of a high that comes with that. So I was feeling that particular high as I got out of the car and locked the car behind me. Only that high didn't last very long. Why is that?

8:24 My dad happened to have been outside talking to the neighbors when he saw me get out of the car, so he was impressed with your parking job. Right, No, he was not. He instead said whose car is that? What? Yeah? I too was confused, but I was confused because my father was not an idiot. So I asked him, what kind of question is that? It's your car? No, it is not.

9:05 Where's my car? Keep it? He was angry, Liz, He was very, very angry. But I truly didn't understand because this was his car. He grabbed the keys from my hand, told me to get into the passenger seat. He got into the driver's seat, and he asked me, where is my car? Confused, I mean be and confused, but I did manage to tell him that I had just come from seven to eleven and so oh no. We drove for the longest four or block drive of my entire life. You didn't notice that this car has leather seats, and Hours doesn't, No, I said, with the shaking board. But Dad, the key fit. You didn't notice that this car has automatic locks and windows and Hours doesn't. Tears tears, Liz tears, Well, up, Dad

10:39 the key fit. You didn't notice that this car has a sunroof, and Hours doesn't. I never looked up. Oh my god, is a farrent like a fifty story building. He didn't get to the best part. Where's the dog? Okay, it's coming, it's coming. So I just repeat but but that, but that, but that, but but that the key fit. We're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back, Liz.

11:24 He takes a breath, a long a, a long, deep breath, and then he asks me, where's Sassy. I think my heart stopped for much longer than what would be considered healthy, because Sassy was his dog like he liked her a lot. Oh my god, did he love her.

12:05 I mustered up all the faith I had ever had that perhaps there really was a God, and I slowly look in the back of his car that I now know is not my fathers, and I search for Sassy, who was so obviously not there, and I somehow squeak out she must be in the car that I left at seven eleven. Oh oh no, oh, no, you left Sassie. Now you see, you have to understand there was a hierarchy in our family. We all knew it, we accepted it.

13:01 My dad loved Sassy above all of us. Then came my mother, right, and then it was my sister and I we were tied for last place, last place after your dog and the mom exactly, which which was fine. You know, it was just it was the way it was right. If my father had been a violent man, that there would have been the end of me. And so, you know, I actually suppose in that moment, I really did realize that there must be a god because my father did not kill me, and that was the true miracle of the day.

13:50 After seeing my life flash before my eyes, we pulled into the seven to eleven parking lot to fine mind multiple police cars. Oh my god, uh huh wow. The man whose car I advertantly in it, advertantly stole, inadvertently set it doesn't help putting the inadvertently in front of it to the police. It does, Liz, it does. And then there were many many people who were just standing by watching how this whole thing was going to play out. Meanwhile, I was terrified as I realized that I was going to prison for auto the ff at sixteen. Uh yeah, yeah. My dad jumped out of the car, jumps out, screams for me to do the exact same. He runs to his car in order to calm Sassy down, who must have been very traumatized by all of this. I assure you, Liz, it was not Sassy who was traumatized. Yes, exactly.

15:16 Sassy needed no calming down. She was beyond thrilled by all of the attention she was receiving from all of her new police friends and all of her new stranger friends. She was having a great day, maybe one of the best days of her life. Unlike you, I stood next to the inadvertent stolen her car, trying very hard to enjoy what was probably my last few moments of freedom before I would be put behind bars, quite possibly for the rest of my life. My father still comforting Sassy, who was so busy wagging her tail and giving kisses to everyone. At some point, notice that all the police, all of them and there were many, were staring at him.

16:33 So what does he do. He points his finger directly at me and says, she's the one who stole the car. Your father dimed you out to the cops. Why, yes, he did. And now ow they're all looking at me, And I very vividly remember, sort of like a montage of my childhood, all of the times my daddy told me, honey, you will always be safe with me. I would throw myself in front of a moving bus for you, And here he is throwing me under the bus. Yeah he threw and he threw you under and then rolled backwards on yah. Yeah, with no hesitation, may I add ah? And I

18:04 slowly, very slowly approached the mob hanging around my father's car, because clearly the police one answers it was all just a misunderstanding. I explained, there was no malaitant. I wasn't trying to steal the car. I left seven to eleven and there were two white Maximus parked right next to each other. They looked exactly the same. There was absolutely no possible way to tell them apart. I thought it the sunroof and the interior. Do you have to bring that up as because the cops brought it up? You need to throw it in my face to Liz and you were a friend, this is what you do, I tell them. I walked up to the first car, thinking it was my dad's. I mean, had the other guy come out first, he very easily could have made the exact same mistake. And the door was locked. I needed to use the key and guess what the key fit, so there was no reason to question this, I got into the car, I used the key to turn it on again. The key it

19:34 turned on the car. This was really, if you think about it, not my fault could have happened to anyone. And then, like you pointed out the obvious car, The police, the owner of the other car, and my dad all told me of the many, many differences between the two cars, most notably the fact that my father's car had a very large dog sticking half her body out the window. You know what, Fine, Fine, Okay, let's just say that we all made good points. I apologized, I truly and sincerely apologized. The thing is, Liz, this happened over thirty years ago, right, and I am still stuck on the fact that the key and no one seemed to care except me. Do you know

21:08 if my kid came home in the wrong car but the key fit, I would totally get it. I wouldn't be the least bit angry. I still have no idea why everybody was so angry about this. I don't get it. The only way even today that I know which car is mine is because it's the only car parked in my driveway, but in a public parking lot. Forget it. It's always a guessing game, and I try to set my car apart from others to make things easier for me. I have in the front have a pink, fuzzy steering wheel cover, so like I can tell my car from the front. Okay, that's a no mess. Yes, And on the back I have different magnets so I can tell my car from the back. But honestly, sometimes I win and sometimes I still lose.

22:27 Anyway, Ultimately, the rightful owner of the other Maxima took his car drove away. There was no charges against me. I wasn't going to prison, Thank god, this whole thing was ending. At this point, my dad, Sassy, and I were the only ones left, with just one police officer who needed to conclude this report right. And my father asked the cop if he and Sassy could leave without me, without you. He was going to leave you behind, leave without me because he couldn't stand the sight of me in that moment. And I stood there and cried because, by the way, that was not the most stupid thing I had ever done.

23:33 Things like this they happen to me. My dad should not have been unable to stand the sight of me. I've done worse I promise, and never on purpose. You know me, You know me. For so long, things just hap exactly. They just happened. They happened then, and they happen now. And so my dad and Sassy left me with the cop.

24:14 Now, this very nice police officer asked me if I wanted a ride home, which I did. That was very nice of him. It was very nice of him. So he opened his back door and he rolled down the window for me, and I look at him kind of appalled God, and I asked him, can't I sit in the front with you because the back is like for criminals. You did just steal your he reminded me, Yeah, good point. So I get into the back seat of the police car.

25:15 Hey, at least he didn't cuff you. He did not. And I stick my head out the window, just like Sassi had done a few minutes earlier. And as the police officer begins to drive me home, I said, hey, just so you know, the key fit. See, this is just one form of car blindness. I truly could not tell the difference between the two cars. They looked exactly the same to me. Throughout my entire you're driving life, I have had many, many experiences with car blindness, and they've taken like different forms than this particular story, but they all fall under the umbrella of car blindness, and it's a problem. Now I can look back at the story and I can see how I just really wasn't paying attention. I absolutely should have noticed a large dog sticking your body out of the car. That is noticeable the leather seats. But that's the thing, I really I didn't see it. I truly did not see any

26:52 differences to the exterior were the interior of these cars. And this happens time and time again. Last week there was yet another incident which easily could have led to yet another police encounter. And I've had a couple. I mean, I'm glad you're you're getting this. You're getting good at the If the key fits, you must acquit theory on the law. It's working for you. But I don't understand in the same and age, there aren't keys.

27:32 They're all key vobs, yes, yes, oh, and yet I am still managing to break into cars. It's it's an issue. So I don't know what this is called. I've like researched the hell out of this, and it's definitely not called carblindness. I think that's what it should be called. Since I haven't found the correct name for it, that's what I'm calling it. And I am absolutely positive that I am not the only person who experiences this. That just it can't be. This is absolutely a real thing.

28:25 This has to be a real thing. So if anybody else experiences car blindness in any type of way, or if you know what the real name is, or if you've actually gotten yourself in real trouble, because I know it's only a matter of time before I do, can you please let us know your story. I kind of need to know that I am not alone in this. This is a real thing, right, Maybe you'll get some validation from someone else who has had this issue, that is what I'm looking for. Or maybe you've just discovered something new and you can write to the Psychological Society and have it called the REMI carblindness disease. No, it's not new. It is a real thing. It is a real thing that many others suffer with as well. I'm positive of that. I just haven't met anybody else. I haven't heard any stories. I need to hear stories.

29:41 You can reach us at Voyage Media at Twitter, Instagram, and on Facebook. And you can reach out directly to me at Panicked Remy on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.