How to build productive relationships II - Check yourself before you wreck yourself

Your ability to check yourself and review the relationship and understand where it's going wrong or well makes all the difference. After all, a healthy relationship is a wealthy relationship, which just means a relationship that is going well has the potential to bring forth an abundance of riches, financial or emotional. In this podcast, understand some simple strategies to ensure you enjoy outstanding relationships in your personal and professional life. Welcome to the You Unleash Podcast with Femia Kiami, the podcast where we explore how to unleash your potential in the workplace, your hustle, and life in general with practical real life steps. Sometimes I use stories from my past, and trust me, I have got some stories for you. Sometimes I'll just say stuff I've learned, and other times we get people who know a lot more than I do to come into the studio and break it all down for us. You know what I usually say? I become a believer that done is better than perfect. So whatever it is you have in mind, whatever you wish to do, just start, and then from there you take it on. There's not saying that you go as far as your eyes can see and then you take a step further. Please apply that to yourselves and you'll be amazed how far you can go. With that said, let's jump right into it. Some people enter our lives and leave almost immediately. Others stay and forge such an impression on our hearts and our souls that we are changed forever. It's a fact. Some people just come and they don't, they just leave. Some people they come into your lives and they leave such an impression that they become friends for life, they're knitted to your soul. And there are some people that actually leave and leave a trail of destruction in your lives. When you're in a relationship, you're either in a positive spiral or a negative spiral. That means you're either in a positive place or a negative place. Your ability to check yourself, to review relationships around you and understand where they're going wrong or well can make all the difference. A healthy relationship, after all, is a wealthy relationship. A healthy relationship means things are going well. You are confident, you trust that person. It's give and take. There is no deficit between both of you, which just means you don't feel one person is taking advantage of the other. Rather, you think you're both nourishing each other. And I want to share in this podcast some simple ways that you can continue to do that or at least check your relationships. Okay, let's get into it. Now, relationships can be fragile, it does not take much for them to go wrong. And they when they do go wrong, they go wrong in a hurry. Usually it starts with what seems like an innocent act by one party. The other person retaliates, and then one thing leads to another, and before you know it, it's like snow breaking off a mountaintop, and it's an avalanche, it just rushes down, and one thing just leads to another, it descends, and you just realize you can't stop it. But what causes relationships that started so well and held so much promise to fall apart? You start a new job, you have a manager you work with, and it's just going so well. And before you know it, six months down the line, you can't stand each other. You get into a deeper relationship like a marriage, and it has all the hopes, and before you know it, it's breaking apart, or even a friend. A friend that you and them are so tight, and before you know it, things are falling apart. Your ability to understand and gauge the pulse of your relationships is critical to maintaining helpful relationships or healthy relationships, I meant to say. It's helpful to look at your life and your career as a spiral. Sometimes you're on an upward spiral, and sometimes you're on a downward spiral. When things are going well with your colleagues, with people you lead, your personal relationships, and your confidence is high and life is rewarding you, then your relationships are normally healthy and flourishing. The opposite of this is a downward spiral. This is when things start to go wrong. There's a lack of communication, stress increases, and life becomes a constant struggle. Relationships like this are polarized, and relationships just are going down, down, down. So let's look at a downward struggle in real life. Let's look at a relationship that's not going well in your career. You fail to deliver a report at work to the quality of the manager, that you're to the quality your manager expects, really. Your manager presents it to his manager in the meeting, and your manager gets told off that it's poor quality. Your manager resents you, but he or she doesn't confront you. And neither of you address it by apologizing, and the communication starts to break down. You become defensive, he becomes or she becomes defensive, and you start communicating by email, and the relationship starts to go downwards, downward, really. And before you know it, you're just not what you used to be. And as things depreciate and they go bad, you don't like each other, they're not supporting you, and before you know it, you're out of the organization. Because remember from my last podcast, people don't leave organizations, they leave their managers. Let's even take it a step further. You're in business, a customer buys a product or a service from you, and the customer doesn't like it, and they give you some really hard feedback. You don't address it, the orders start to reduce. The customer starts stops buying and they start buying less and less. Then one day it stops. That's the relationship that's gone bad. This is just an example of relationships that took one thing to another and another and they fall apart. When you carefully like on what causes relationships in work and life to fall apart, it helps you take steps to fix them. And even if you can't fix them, you're aware of what happened. Awareness is always the first step to progress, and you can use this spiral technique to review all your relationships and for those that are going well and those that are not going well to understand what exactly happened. So let's take a look at an upward spiral, a relationship that is looking good. What do we do? One of the best things you can do is look at a relationship that you're in that is very positive and go back in your mind and replay all the key steps of what happened from the very beginning to when the relationship matured. Now, a lot of people don't do this, but if you can, you will have a significant advantage over people in the marketplace. Because when you understand what you do in relationships for you that works well, it gives you a blueprint for managing relationships in the future. Let me give you an example. Here's an example. I worked on a project that was struggling, and I came in and the product was struggling already. And immediately I said, please tell me the things that are going wrong. And they gave me a list. We drew up a list of the things that were going well and going badly, and I focused on things that weren't going well, and I worked hard to update them regularly and showed a dedication to the project. We got back on track and the product succeeded. But looking back now, I reflect on it and I realize it was my passion, my appreciation for their challenges, my dedication and my communication that meant the project went well, and we both had good memories. And that formed the basis of a solid relationship. So now, whenever I go anywhere to work, I make sure I focus on my passion, I understand their challenges, I empathize, I remain dedicated, and I communicate regularly. This is what you should be doing for your own personal relationships. Review them, see what went well, and you start to build up a clear understanding of what works for you. And what's even more special, it gives you your unique perspective on how you manage your relationships. And the good news is that you can apply this to your personal and your family relationships as well as your business. Now, I know I keep saying this, but say no to toxic people, people who just complain and whine and bring about negative energy and no good for you. So when I'm talking about relationships, I'm not talking about those people, I'm talking about those that potentially can add value to you. In fact, here's a tip I've learned write a list of all your friends and your colleagues, and then separate them into two groups by doing this. Those that make you feel good, that encourage you, that lift you up, and just when they leave you, they make you feel good, you put a plus next to them. Those that drain your energy see the world as coming to an end, put a negative sign next to them or an R, R for run, run for your life. So here's the action step for this one. Make a review of all your relationships. Are they looking up or are they looking down? Are they in a positive spiral or a negative spiral? Review the good ones and understand what you did to keep it that way. Then apply it to your struggling or new relationships. But in all of this, I want to leave you with three big questions as applied by Ron Buffet, the world-renowned investor. One of the richest men in the world, he is as well. And um, this is what he does. He analyzes a business, he gets the spreadsheets, he understands the investment, he he does all the due diligence from a financial perspective, then he asks himself three big questions before he goes into business with them. And you can do the same before you get into a relationship, ask three questions Do I like them? Do I trust them? Do I respect them? If you don't like someone, you can't hang around them for long. So there's no point. If you don't trust someone, you're never going to be vulnerable around that person. And vulnerability means makes your relationship stronger. And if you don't trust them, you'll always be looking over after looking behind your back anyway. Do you try do you respect them? If you don't respect their opinion, what's the point? And if you can say no to any of these, then there's no point because you're only setting yourself up for a four later. Remember, it's easier to develop an existing relationship than it is to start a new one. Starting relationships is based on communication, genuine empathy, a shared understanding of what you both want. So that means always speaking regularly, letting them know how you feel of what they've done. Genuine empathy, really understanding and appreciating what they're going through and being committed. I hope you've enjoyed this episode of You Unleashed, where we share ideas and how to rock it in the workplace and life in general. And don't forget to share and like our podcast with your friends and let us know what you think. Done is better than perfect. Get unleashed and stay unleashed.