How to work with others and be successful

Welcome to the You and List podcast with Femi Akemi, the podcast where we explore how to initial potential in the workplace, the hustle, and life in general with practical real life steps. Sometimes I use stories from my past, and trust me, I've got some stories for you. Sometimes I'll just share stuff I've learned, and other times we get people in who know a lot more than we do and they break it all down for us. As usual, please don't forget to like the podcast, share it with your friends and family, and leave some feedback on any other platform you use so people can get to see it, hear about it, and the world can grow. I'm sure you want others to grow just as you do. Thanks for the feedback for those who continue to provide it, they're much appreciated. And with that, let's just get into it. I've had a very busy week. This is because I'm doing some work that requires me to work with someone, someone I expect to do play his own part in the work, but he didn't deliver, and that meant I've had to do double the work because it's at my workplace. So I've had to deliver double because I'm the one with accountability, I'm the one responsible for it, so it has to get done. I spent the whole week trying to play catch-up, and it's made me very frustrated, cranky, and it means all the work I need to have done hasn't been done, and it's all backed up. So the next week I'm going into is going to be stressful, and it's got me thinking about the big word this week is collaboration. Collaboration in today's economy is everything. Whether you're a leader or a team leader, you have to collaborate to get stuff done. Gone are the days when you can just use command and control. Now, command and control is a phrase in HR which is tend to they tend to use in the old days, which is just do it, and people have to do it because you rule by fear. So gone are the days of command and control to get stuff done. You have to work with people, you have to understand people, you have to ask nicely, you have to make allowances for their personal traits, which I must admit I have mine as well, my own failings. But I've always liked collaboration, it's just my nature. I've always been a collaborative type who would ask the whole team what we need to do, how we need to do it, encourage everyone and kind of work together with people to get it done. It does always work though, and last week is proof. As some of us know, there are some things where you just need to lay the law down, but for the most part, as they say in the world of HR and the world of change, you have to win the hearts of people before you can win their hand. You have to get them to like you and to do the work first before they do the work. So, my question then was is there anything you can do to make collaboration better? Now, this is a big one. Now, before you turn off, all of us collaborate. If it's in your local church, if it's in your marriage, your relationship, your relationship with your other half, if it's at work when you're working as a team with people, in everything we do, we are always collaborating. As long as there's a person you're talking to, you are collaborating. So, this is something we can all learn from. When it comes to collaboration, is there anything you can do to improve your chances of success? Is there anything you can do to make sure you go in prepared and make sure when you collaborate with someone? And if you're a business person, you are collaborating all the time. I guess that's why sometimes businesses fail, and some people say businesses are like relationships, are like marriages. The point is, in everything, it all comes down to collaboration. If you're a business, if it's marriage, if it's your career in work, if it's a project, a pressurized product you're working on, it all needs people to collaborate. So the word is collaboration. And the question is, is there anything we can do to improve our chances? Because let me tell you, for all of us, the rules are the same, the fundamentals we have to do with collaboration and relationships are the same. So for me, for you, for anyone listening, it's the same. Heaven knows it's it can get a lot complicated sometimes, and I'm here not here to tell you that there's a silver bullet that these rules I'm gonna share just gonna make things perfect. God knows it's a lot more complicated than that. But I'm here to give you two simple things you can use to gauge the potential for success of any relationship you're in or about to get into, and to give you a chance of success. In some cases, for some of us, you don't have a choice. If it's at work, you don't have a choice. You work with who you have who you have to work with. But for some of us in bit some of us in business, about to go in business, you can pretty much pick who you go into business with sometimes, and even if you don't, for all of us, the least you can do is go in prepared, know who you're dealing with, and make sure when they disappoint you or when they don't, you saw it coming. Ken Blanchard, the world-renowned author on situational leadership, an author of over a hundred books, says he judges two things before going into a relationship, and these are the two things I want us to stay with our mind when this podcast is over. Now, you can imagine what it goes, what it takes to write a hundred books with someone. You have to be intimate, you have to work to deadlines, you have to deal with differences in opinion, and then finding a way to come together and unify your opinions and achieve what you want to. So I take him as a very good guide in a way to collaborate. It's not the silver bullet I say, but it's something we can all take into consideration. And he gives us two words. The first one is form. Now remember this guy's relationship to collaboration. How do I know it's going to be a success and how can I make it work? Two words form, and the form the first one is kind of easy because when we talk about form, what we're all talking about is what are how do we work together? What is the objective of this project? If it's a business, what is this business going to sell? If it's a project, what are we looking to deliver? Alright, and I've spoken a lot in my first podcast about managing expectations, and I think this can play a lot into that. The other thing to do with form, for example, is how do we know what we're going to deliver is good? How do we know it's going to be a success? Who does what and who is responsible for what activities and when is it due? Where will we work together? What tools will we use? In effect, form is about the actual hard doing of the work and making sure there's a clear system for working together with whoever you're going to work to or work with is the day-to-day grind of the work. And with this one, though, with form, I wouldn't encourage you to really think too hard or stress too much about it because there is nothing new under the sun, there is nothing new you're doing that has never been done in any fit way, shape, or form before. If you have to, you and your partner or whoever you're working with, go out there, look for people who've done it, people who have done it successfully, ask them the steps they took, what they did, and how they did it, and just learn from them as much as possible, copy it. I learned from Brian Tracy. Almost everything in this world is learnable. Nobody was born a doctor, nobody was born a nurse, nobody was born a rocket scientist, they learned it. So, whatever project it is you're working on, try and find out how good, what good looks like, who's done it before, who done who's done it well, and copy. The second thing I really want to talk about though, which I think is really important, is essence. This is the one I think makes or breaks most relationships. It's essence, and you're wondering what essence is. Essence is about the heart to heart, about values, about characteristics. Do you and I who are going to work on this project together, do we see do we see things the same way? Do we have the same beliefs? Do we approach working with people the same way? Are our core values the same? This is where we run into projects a lot in relationships, in business, in our career projects. We get into products with people who we don't have the same way of working, we don't see the world the same way, which is not a bad thing. Let me be clear: diversity is good in project teams, people with different mindsets is good because you work together and creativity comes off of that spark. What is not good is when you don't know or you don't recognize that these people are different, and sometimes some of these differences are actually toxic or negative for the project. Let me give you an example: you work with someone, the project is falling behind, and all you need for them is to pull their weight and join you, get down in the trenches so you can deliver the product together, but they don't even check on you to say you're getting on, not good. Things get pressurized, they can't talk calmly under pressure, they start screaming, swearing, and they never apologize, not good. People who would stab someone else in the back to get the product done when you are the kind of person who likes to do things the right way, and even if it means things get a bit late as long as it's done the right way, not good. People who just have different worldviews to you and they don't vibe with yours at all, and it means that you're stressed when you're working with them, not good. We get into a lot of projects with people because we look at the bottom line and end up with a world of pain and stress, because when it comes down to it, we don't share the same values with these people. And let me explain to you: it's usually easy when things are going well in business and in love and your career and every other thing you work on. Because when things are going well, none of us have to dig deep. Our core values aren't under the microscope, they're not under pressure. We just do things naturally. It's when things get hard, though. Decisions need to be made. Commitment is tested. You need to do things the right way. You have to be a nice person and pull the other person up when he's down. That's when values are important. I guess some of you are wondering, but what is the bottom line? Money, sure, profit, sure. These are important, keeping up appearances so you don't get so you get into a relationship you shouldn't. So everyone sees you in a relationship and says, Yeah, you're in a relationship with that person, even though it's not right for you. These are all the bottom lines, and the truth is, for a while these things are good, but when it comes down to it, your peace, your mental health is even more important. I love reading the Bible sometimes, and there's a wonderful thing where it says being in a relationship with someone who screams all the time, it's like living in a house with someone where there's water with a leaky roof, it's never good. You have to know yourself though, and you have to know your own core values. Because if you don't know yourself very well, you get into relationships with people and they upset you all the time. So you have to know yourself because you know yourself, you know what you like and you don't like. For some of us, work puts us with people we don't share values with, that's fine. There's not much you can do about that in the immediate future, in the immediate present. If it's just if it's just that one person, you learn who they are and you learn to protect yourself by not exposing yourself to them. You manage expectations, you agree up front how you're gonna work together and keep it professional and clean. But if it's where you work and it's a culture and it's a toxic culture, I would encourage you to start thinking about your next step, whatever that is. But you need to get yourself out of there. Your peace of mind is never been so important, your mental health is never so important, your peace is important, and don't give it up for anybody, anytime, anywhere. If you're in business though, small print. I was I was at I was at a party with a friend this weekend, and he said, anywhere there's money, anywhere there's something to be gained, there's small print, and that's what the small print is for. If you're going into business with somebody, make sure it's contractual, make sure you both know what you like and don't like, and you write it into your contract so that protects yourself. But the best businesses to be clear are businesses where they're done on a handshake, and you don't need all these small print because you trust each other and you work together well. Form essence, form how you work together, essence who you work with, who do you work with? Are they fit for you? Do they fit you? Is it square pegs, round holes? And if you're different people, at least you know what to expect and you prepare yourself for it. Do you connect at a soul level for this person if it's the essence? It's about seeing a person and you you have that soul connection, and you know, yes, we can work together, it's gonna be a joy. Look, listen, guys, success is important, I get it, but we have to enjoy the journey. The how and who we work with make a world of difference in our lives, in our career. It makes a difference between a fun ride and a bumpy ride. Love-filled work or angst-filled work, love-filled work or stress-filled work. We all have to work, but at least we should be able to enjoy it and laugh while we're getting through the journey. Have you ever been on a long journey with someone you don't like? Would you get on a journey with someone you don't like? I don't think so. Alright, guys, form an essence, keep it tight to your heart. Anything you're going into, form an essence. Listen, I hope you've enjoyed this episode of You Unleashed where we share ideas of how to rocket and work in the workplace and life. Don't forget to share and like our podcast with your friends and let us know what you think. We're not where we want to be, and we're definitely not better, but we're definitely better than we used to be. And for this podcast, certainly we're gonna be better because when we get into relationships with people now, we know what to look out for. Done is better than perfect, and this episode is done and it's in the books. Get unleashed, stay unleashed, and have a great week.