Guru Janetta Coleman with Genesis Mediation of Indiana

Ian Arnold: 0:00

Rick, that was phenomenal having

Rick Ripma: 0:02

Ginetta on. Yeah. Ginetta Coleman with with Genesis mediation of Indiana. She's a president. She's extremely interesting. And you know, she talked about, to me, she was talking about the explaining family mediation, which I think a lot of people don't really understand. And there's a lot of intricacies to it. And I thought that was very interesting. What did you find most interesting? Well,

Ian Arnold: 0:24

I come from a divorced family. So the way to talk or the way to break up how you do holidays and all that stuff, and even like, passing of parents and how, like, we had to get rid of our grandparents stuff and who does what, and it's, it's so complex, and it's nice the way she broke it down.

Rick Ripma: 0:45

Yeah, she's, well, she's a social worker. So her you can feel her caring and compassion for people. The other thing I thought was really interesting is that she wrote a book and the book, I have it right here. It's called Surviving foster care. And it's the way she did it so that a child can use it to actually plan out their life. What a brilliant way to put something together.

Ian Arnold: 1:08

Yeah. So people need to tune in for this. I would tune

Rick Ripma: 1:11

in it's she's, she's phenomenal. Yep. Welcome to India's real estate gurus, your ultimate guide to the dynamic world of real estate in Indiana, and I'm recruited by your hard work and mortgage guy and I've been in real estate and mortgages for over 24 years. And

Ian Arnold: 1:27

I'm Ian Arnold, a loan officer on Rick's hard working mortgage team.

Rick Ripma: 1:31

We're both with advisors Mortgage Group together will empower you with expert advice market trends is Bestival stories from Guru realtors and local experts. Whether you're a homeowner investor, or pro, join us as we navigate the thriving indie real estate

Ian Arnold: 1:46

market. Now get ready to unlock the doors of success, one episode at a time.

Rick Ripma: 1:53

Well, today, we are really excited. We have Ginetta, Coleman and Ginetta. Is it mediation specialist? Yes, correct.

Janetta Coleman: 2:03

That is correct.

Rick Ripma: 2:04

And what type of mediation all do you do?

Janetta Coleman: 2:07

So I do family mediation, you know, statewide. So anyone who's going through a divorce or separation, or has parenting, issues, post divorce, we can assist. We also do parent coordination. And I also do elder mediation, and what is elder mediation? Now elder mediation is a segment where if individuals are having issues coming to decisions about what they're going to do for mom or dad, or for their sibling, sometimes that can be you know, a medical issue? Or should we have them move to this state with this sibling? Or should we put them into assisted living? What do we do with the house, all those kinds of things, it's a little bit different from Divorce mediation, because it involves however many people is involved in the process. And it can go across state lines, because we have siblings in one place and one in another. And you get into more of that medically, and, you know, end of life issues. So it's something that takes a lot of time, and you need a very sensitive hand to move through

Rick Ripma: 3:10

that you do and you need somebody who understands it. Yeah. Because my mom, my dad passed, and my mom passed a few years later. And there were there six kids, and we're all living in different states. Yes. And it's, it's, it's a it's a difficult process, when they're, when they're going through the, their last year or two of life. It's a it's a tough thing. And you get very emotional, your whole family gets very emotional, and everybody reacts differently. Yes, they do. So it's I think it's important to have somebody who can actually walk you through it. And I know, it's really impressive to me the different things that are available now, to people going through that situation. Yes, like we had somebody on and they help people, you know, sell their home, but they they they do.

Janetta Coleman: 4:00

They do. Yeah, they're gonna state six days, tributes to you know, their next phase of living, if that's going to be assisted living. So yeah, absolutely

Rick Ripma: 4:09

know, that was available. And that's such a beautiful thing. I mean, because it's hard to do yourself,

Janetta Coleman: 4:14

it is hard to do. And if it's if there's a lot of emotion involved in that, and there's going to be because if you're packing up mom or dad, you know, which I had to do. And they've been somewhere for 50 years, and they're resisting, you know, letting go of something and but as you know, their child you're like, but no one's using this. You haven't used this as somebody who's it's not about that. It's about you know, they accomplish this as something that they purchase. It has memories. So when you see people not wanting to give up their possessions, it's not because they don't understand that it's maybe not useful, but it's part of the memories. Yeah, and they don't want to let go of that because it means something to them. It's

Rick Ripma: 4:52

very sad to me because when when you go through that, what was so important To them, nobody wants, yes, it's really hard it

Janetta Coleman: 5:06

is in sometimes you have to say, You know what, you know, the side as a sibling group, go ahead and, you know, assume a few things, just do that you can do whatever you want to, after they've, you know, passed on, but to give them comfort in that moment, because you have to remember, they're giving up so much. They're giving up their comfort, where they are their community, maybe their church, maybe even, you know, the city that they lived in. So, you know, allow them to have some things that follow them for comfort and to know that you have something because they may have kept something for a long time, knowing that they wanted to pass this on to you. Oh, yeah, they did something for them. And they worked hard for it. Yes. And so you know, for that moment to satisfy their need. Sometimes you have to kind of take one for the team, if you will. Yeah, yeah. And

Rick Ripma: 5:56

I don't think as long as everybody gets along, it works out pretty well. And my family got along. So it was, but it worked out, you got to do that. And you got to you know, you care about that person. So you do pretty much whatever you have to do, because the reality is like, they weren't ever coming back, we can tell them pretty much we can tell my mom and pretty much anything we wanted. She didn't remember the next minute. So Right. Just make her comfortable. And exactly. And most of the stuff I mean, a little stuff you kept but it was the furniture, that type of thing. Everybody has that. So it's it's tough. Right? But let's go back, let's get on the divorce mediation because I'm a lot more familiar with that. You are?

Ian Arnold: 6:33

Oh, not personally, before his wife starts asking questions, personally.

Rick Ripma: 6:41

We've been married 38 years, almost 40 years. Yeah. So no, we aren't, we're not doing any of that. But I do a lot of financing for divorce. Yeah, and there's a lot, it's different than most people don't realize it's different than it is for you know, your normal financing, there's different things to consider and you in the mediation have to consider much, much more than I have to consider we

Janetta Coleman: 7:08

do we do, there are three specific areas we have to look at first and foremost is going to be if there are children involved, a parenting plan, you know, for divorce in Indiana, there has to be a parenting plan created to satisfy the court, that's going to work for the children and for the individual co parents. Now, the next piece that has to be looked at is assets. So if there's a division of assets, or there's a home that we need to sell, of course, this is where you're going to come in, you know, and if they're amicable about it, they can come to some terms about it. And that can include 401, K's or retirements, you know, whatever it is that they have. And then the third piece is child support. Child Support has to be a part of the divorce process. If someone is getting divorced in Indiana,

Ian Arnold: 7:59

so let me ask you this, yes, what made you choose to do this, this is like you're talking to people during their hardest times where there's parents are divorced, that has to be emotional toll. So what made you even decide to do this?

Janetta Coleman: 8:13

Well, by profession, I am actually a licensed social worker. So in the state of Indiana, if you have a post secondary degree, but social workers tend to be a professional field that lends itself to it, because we understand family dynamics when families are going through difficult moments or transitions, or that they break apart, for instance, because there's foster care or, you know, termination of parental rights. We understand the breaking apart of families, but also the attempts of, you know, coming back together of families as well. And so the skill set that you have lends itself well to that. A lot of times people believe that just attorneys are mediators, and there are many out there and great ones who understand family dynamics as well. But as a social worker, I saw this as another realm of helping families because I was watching some families go through this process. And I was like, wow, this is this is difficult. This is different. And I just happen to see that there was a training for Divorce mediation, domestic mediation, and I went through that, that training and all attorneys and social workers and anyone else from other professions can go through that same training to become a domestic mediator.

Rick Ripma: 9:32

I think this is just my opinion, but I do think that the people that I know who have been our social workers or have been social workers, yes, have a different level of caring about people. Yes, than somebody like me. And I think that is part of what sets you apart. Because you care about you. When you care so deeply about others, which I mean I hate to say i i Just don't feel like I'm at that level I'd like to be. But I think it matters. And I think it makes a huge difference for that person, would you would you agree, I

Janetta Coleman: 10:08

really do agree, because you're looking at people, they're coming to you in the worst moment of their life, there's something happening in their family that's breaking apart, and they did not expect to be there. And it may not even be the best version of themselves. And you have to have great care with that, because who they are in that process isn't necessarily a total depiction of that individual. And so you have to be able to manage the emotions along with the decisions that have to be made. Now, there are two ways in which mediation happens there is kind of what we call the shuttle method, which means that individuals are in separate rooms, with their attorneys if they're represented, but you don't have to be represented to do mediation. But the mediator goes in between each room taking information back, you know, agreements back and going back and forth. I don't tend to practice mediation in that way I have, however, to me, the best case scenario is when you can have both individuals in the room as a collaborative piece, because they have to be co parents moving forward. So there has to be some sense of ability to coexist, if you will. And even when you have them together, that's where it gets more impactful. It doesn't mean that someone doesn't get upset is like, I don't want to do that those things happen. And you have to know how to manage that. And for me, as a social worker, the heightened this of emotions is normal to me, because everything about social work, and I worked in child welfare for 25 years, that is normal. Unfortunately, it's normal, it doesn't, you know, faze me in any way or scare me versus someone who may not have worked in the round that I have, this feels a little bit different, and they may want to lean towards the shuttle method. But that doesn't mean that it's not a good idea. There are some instances where you may want to have that. And some instances you may not. So for instance, if there was a domestic violence situation, or intimate partner violence shuttle method might be the best route in that instance. So there are some reasons why. And you have to think that through as a mediator, what's going to be the best case scenario for the two individuals that you're working with? Yeah,

Rick Ripma: 12:20

it's, it's a big deal. And it's a it's a, there's a lot of emotion. And like you said, not everybody is themselves during the time like that, when there's that much emotion.

Janetta Coleman: 12:30

No, they're not, they are really in the middle of the grief cycle. You know, you've got anger, you've got denial, you have, you know, acceptance, you have all these different cycles, and people can bounce around the six different phases of the cycle. And so, you know, at first you just may be stunned, you know, one party knew that this is what was going to happen, the other party didn't know. And it sprung on them, at least from their perspective. And so this can be a very unnerving moment, you have so many decisions that you need to make, you're still parenting, imagine going through this and you're still under the same household with this individual, your co parent, and yet trying to shield your children from the emotional, up and down. That happens because it is completely a roller coaster. For parents as they're going through this process.

Rick Ripma: 13:24

Well, I haven't gotten to so I'm gonna go back a little bit and find out more about you. So, what where did you grow up? You know, give us your background, where you grew up, where you went to school, what your life was like before, social work and all of this.

Janetta Coleman: 13:44

I am a Hoosier, through and through. Okay, I was born in Anderson, Indiana. And so I love Anderson, you know, that's the place of basketball. I went to the original Anderson High School. I say that because our original Anderson High School is not being used now. And so we're all sensitive about that. Okay, have you ever Mandersohn you understand? But, but yeah, and so, you know, my parents, my mother is actually a social worker. Oh, really? Wow. Yes. Okay, my father's an educator. And so he retired. Being a principal and teacher and history was his subject of area with middle schoolers and high schoolers. Wow. So I come from a line of educators and those who are in a helping profession. And so growing up, my parents were foster parents. So now, you know why, ya know, social services kind of lended itself to me, you know, my parents were kind of those informal foster parents, you know, way back in the day when like, if you had a troubled cousin, they would send them to the uncle's house. Yes, we were that house. We were into, but then they decided to formalize that and I think that's because my father early on, was working at the juvenile Center. Before he chose his career, and so he worked at a juvenile center in Anderson, okay, so he, you know, a probation officer and just, you know, being around kids who are in the system, if you will. And so from that it kind of spawned them being foster parents. So all of my formative years, I remember children being in and out of our home. That's, that's all that I know. I am their biological child. And I have two other siblings, but there's many others whom we call our siblings as well.

Rick Ripma: 15:30

So when you went when you went, I'm gonna go back to Anderson, so that you were that is the high school. The one that the wigwam, yes, right. That's right. The Wigwam is like the most impressive gym I have ever been into in my life. Yes, my son played there. Oh, and it was it was I it's just unbelievable.

Janetta Coleman: 15:53

It is. I think it was like either the first or second largest high school gym in the state. I don't know if that title still exists. But everybody knows a wigwam. And so in high school, I was a cheerleader. So I was always, you know, there at the wigwam and cheerleading and court coach norm held. He was there and you know, several other coaches he's passed on now, but yeah, it's that that whole basketball and the wigwam it's in your blood if you're for me, I understand. Yeah, I would

Rick Ripma: 16:21

think so. Because I remember walking in there the first time it's like, This is unbelievable. It's massive. But it's the Have you ever been there? I have not. It's the classic Indiana 50s 60s basketball. Yes, it is. You go in there and you feel like wow, I'm back. Yeah, it's good sauce. I'm surprised I didn't use that with I probably did in the Hoosiers or whatever that movie

Janetta Coleman: 16:47

Hoosiers possibly Yeah. I mean, if you watch that movie, if you're from Indiana, or Anderson that that movie will speak to you. Yeah. You know, it's really well bought

Rick Ripma: 16:57

from from Indiana also. in Marion County, all right. Same way, not him. He's He's a Florida guy. Yeah,

Janetta Coleman: 17:05

we will hold it again.

Ian Arnold: 17:06

I was actually born here, but then raised in Florida, then moved back. So officially. Alright. So if somebody is listening to this, and they have questions about All right, maybe they're possibly going through a divorce or even family member needs to downsize? And they have to go through all that process or whatever. How would they get in touch with you to figure out their next steps? Well,

Janetta Coleman: 17:33

we offer a free consultation. So I would say the best way to contact us is on our website, which is Jen mediation, G and mediation, all one word.com. And you can just schedule a consultation online or automatically shoot it to me look at my schedule available and give you some dates. And I can do those consultations, either by phone or, or we can have a virtual zoom call as well to just kind of talk about what your situation is, what's going on and what the process entails.

Ian Arnold: 18:03

And what was the website one more time is www.ge

Janetta Coleman: 18:06

n mediation.com.

Rick Ripma: 18:08

And to get a hold of Ian or I, if you have any mortgage questions or needs, go to HardWorkingMortgageGuys.com. That's HardWorkingMortgageGuys.com. Or you can give us a call at 317-672-1938. It's 31767 to 1938. All right,

Ian Arnold: 18:24

so we're gonna take a little pause from the word fire. Well, let's get to know you a little bit more. Sure. So when you're not working, and you need a little stress relief, what do we catch you doing for fun?

Janetta Coleman: 18:38

I don't know, you know what, I am a mom of two. So I have a eight year old and a soon to be 14 year old who thinks she's going to be 17. And so they keep us busy. You know, they have a lot of activities that they're involved in karate plays choir, so I'm quite busy. But otherwise, sometimes you'll just see me especially in the fall and winter, which is my favorite season, sitting by my fireplace, either listening to jazz, or taking some time with my girlfriends. Or watching something just crazy mind boggling on TV like love it are listed.

Rick Ripma: 19:17

Something you really have to think about Yeah,

Janetta Coleman: 19:20

I don't want to think about it. I want some I want some happy stuff. And that's because you know, the work that I do can be very emotionally taxing. So I try to keep things light. For myself. I host family events all the time. And so just hosted you know, Thanksgiving with my family. So you know, I just kind of try to stay mindful of staying happy and doing stuff for me.

Ian Arnold: 19:47

So I had to ask since you're a fan of jazz, so you've been one of my wife's and my favorite restaurant was jazz kitchen. We have been there since COVID. But we we love that place.

Janetta Coleman: 19:58

It's a wonderful place. I love it. I do go there. I enjoy it immensely. Sometimes I'll go to like a jazz fest, like I went to the Jazz Fest in Louisville, Kentucky, which was really awesome. And it was even more awesome because my husband decided that we would take a road trip there on his motorcycle, so he rides. And so I do not ride a motorcycle. I'm a passenger. I do not need that responsibility. My mind is like everywhere. And so we went to the Jazz Fest in Louisville, Kentucky, so if you ever get a chance, awesome, wonderful time.

Ian Arnold: 20:30

Well to do that, yeah. All right. I

Rick Ripma: 20:31

got no what what type of motorcycle does he have?

Janetta Coleman: 20:34

He has a cruiser. So he used to have a ZX 14, which was a sports bike. So that's what I call the speed demon. But he has a cruiser so it's much more relaxed. I've got my, you know, heated seats and my two armrests. Yes.

Rick Ripma: 20:51

Yeah, it's not like riding on a bike hardly at all. Oh,

Janetta Coleman: 20:53

no, not at all. Very smooth. Very quiet. Yeah,

Rick Ripma: 20:57

that's, I have friends who I've never had a bike. But I have friends who do bikes and it's amazing the differences one of them has it is a sports bike and a touring bike. A lot of people do. Yeah, a lot of people know how different those are for, for how you ride and now me I'd have to have a touring bike because if I had a sports bike, I'd go out and I'd kill myself on

Janetta Coleman: 21:19

hence speed demon.

Rick Ripma: 21:22

There's nothing there's there's I don't know, as much it's more fun to me than the acceleration of a vehicle. I

Janetta Coleman: 21:28

can understand that. I mean, I get it. I understand. I've been on the back of his bike when he's had one of his speed demon moments. It's It's, uh, it's fun and scary at the same time. But he decided it's time and plus, that's a different physical position. You know, so you're much more you know, over the bike and but with a cruiser your upright and you know, in a much more sitting position. So the older you get, sometimes you need that,

Rick Ripma: 21:53

and you don't want to leave your kids you know, you want to stay alive for your, your family. So absolutely, you can do nothing wrong on a bike and, and have problems. So

Janetta Coleman: 22:02

yes, you can. Tough.

Ian Arnold: 22:06

So let's go through I know, briefly, we talked about the process, you just go through and set up a free consultation, which is awesome. But what are there certain steps after that? What What would somebody be looking at towards doing? Yeah,

Janetta Coleman: 22:21

so in talking with someone, I go through the process and explain to him here that this is a confidential process for individuals to enter into. It should be noted that mediation is a voluntary process. So neither party can, you know, force either one to go into it, they have to both willingly choose to do this route, which seems to be the less conflictual rally doesn't mean that you won't run into difficult moments in the process of your discussions. But it's less adversarial than a traditional courtroom setting, if you will, sometimes people have to go that court route. And that happens. But if they can choose to do the, you know, the least adversarial route, that's better. Because again, it allows some preservation of the relationship, which is now going to turn into a co parenting relationship, they're reestablishing their positions as CO parents and single persons in that moment going through the process. And what I always encourage people to do is talk to different mediators, because you want to make sure that you're comfortable with the person that you're sitting with, because you're going to be talking about things that are very personal to you very emotional to you. And so you want to be comfortable with what's being presented to you from that, you know, that mediator, everybody's different, every style is different. Just like I said, you have a collaborative setting where everyone's in the same room, versus having a shuttle method. And some people do practice that, or practice both, or one or the other. And then once someone settles on that in terms of our process, generally it will take approximately 45 days for the divorce process to conclude from beginning to end. So in the state of Indiana, there is a 60 day waiting period once someone files for divorce. So no matter if we get it done earlier, you still have to wait that 60 days that clock has to tick down. But we do it in several sessions. So for instance, the first session, we may be talking about the parenting plan, because that's something that has to be addressed right now. They may be living in separate residences, or want to live in separate residences as soon as possible. But there needs to be a parenting plan to kind of keep some continuity for their children. And so we may get that piece done. The next session may go over, you know, the assets and division of those assets. And then of course, there's going to be child support. So we tend to do it over three or four sessions, if you will, and there's time in between. Because what I tell people is that even though you've agreed to certain terms right now, today with me, we're going to meet next Last week, and I'm going to revisit what you, you know, said that you wanted to do in terms of your parenting plan. So I don't want people to feel like they are married to that right then and there, because it's something that's going to change over time as your children grow. But I also want people to enter into their agreements with full advisement. So for instance, if there's an assets piece that needs to be addressed, they need to sell the home, you know, I'm going to send people away with homework to say, okay, you don't know the value. So talk to a realtor, talk to an advisor, or a CPA about these pieces, because that's not my specialty, and my role, you know, my, I'm a neutral third party, so I can't weigh in on what you should do, or what you shouldn't do, I will never tell someone what they should do, they can ask what have you seen, and I'll give them a plethora of what I have seen. But if they're looking at me, and they say, Ginetta, should I take this deal, I can't tell you to take that deal. You know, your life, you know, your circumstances, you have to enter into this, you know, not being in duress, you know, do the homework that you need to do get the information that you need from your advisors, or financial advisors, so you can make the best decisions that you can make in that moment. I'm completely neutral in that process. And so my goal is to help them have the conversations, make sure that all the elements that need to be addressed are addressed. And then write up their agreement and submit that and file that on behalf of them to the court. So

Ian Arnold: 26:29

after I know, when you divide property, stuff that that usually ends when it ends, but what about kids, you say, do you have consultations afterwards? Of like, hey, so and so has this person, because let's be on I'm part of a divorce family. So I understand what it'd be like, well, this holidays, post me mine, and then you have consultations afterwards.

Janetta Coleman: 26:53

So what happens is, is that, okay, once the mediation is over, and the parenting plan has been established, it is, you know, the two co parents to take that and work that out. Now, they can create their own parenting plan, or they can also utilize the Indiana parenting time guidelines, which is essentially kind of the state's bare minimum of how to split things up. So if they can't decide, they can look at that, and use that as a guide, if you will, then if they do not come to a resolution, they can't come back to their mediator and say, We need help, you know, with this process and sitting down and thinking this through what do we need to do? And so yes, you can have mediation, post divorce, or post a solution for those in the legal world. And you can, you know, come back and talk about that, because they can, you know, revise their agreement in terms of the parenting plan. And I often tell clients, you're going to revise the agreement, because what you've established right now is based on the age and activities of what your children are doing right now, you know, they may be, you know, 1011, but you know, when they're 14 and 16, you've got to talk about car and insurance, and all these different things that were not in the forefront of your mind at the time of making your plans. So just know, you're going to revise your plan, and you're going to need to be flexible with one another.

Rick Ripma: 28:17

It's a, it's gotta be a very difficult time for everybody. And having somebody like you has to be extremely valuable for somebody to have somebody like that. But I'm curious. I think I know, but I don't know, for sure. So when they does, do they hire you as like both of them hire you as you're working for both people? Yes. Or? Yes, yes. It's not two mediators trying to it's just one Mediator

Janetta Coleman: 28:44

sweating mediator? Yeah. Yes. So yeah. So when individuals decide that they want to have mediation as their process, they are both equally responsible. So for instance, it's assumed by ADR standards that they are going to pay for the mediator 5050. So that one person receives certain of their invoice and the other person receives 50% of the other invoice. And so that's how they enter into it. Unless in writing, they decide to do something different. Meaning that for instance, maybe one person was a stay at home parent for a long time, so they do not have income and the other co parent is going to pay 100% of that. That's put in writing, and then they go, you know, that particular route,

Rick Ripma: 29:30

okay. And that doesn't change your responsibility. It doesn't resent

Janetta Coleman: 29:33

No, it doesn't change my responsibilities whatsoever. And so, you know, I will file in an appearance not all mediators do that, but I file an appearance with the court to notify the court that they are in engaging in mediation, Genesis mediation of Indiana is working with them to move through their divorce process,

Rick Ripma: 29:53

and then why or what point in time, would people then would come contact you to get something like this started. So what were in their in their process? I've pried open ended there, but we're in their process. Would should they? Should they contact somebody? How do they decide they want mediation over normal court setup?

Janetta Coleman: 30:15

Yeah, anytime in their process, generally when someone decides to file for the solution, because that's the one piece that one of the parties has to do on their own. So as a mediator, and no mediator can file the petition for divorce, they have to do that themselves, hopefully, within their court from their county, they let them know some resources, they can also go to the island.gov website to see what resources are available for divorce. Most people know, get an attorney, get an attorney, let's go, you know, and that's what people know, because that's what TV depicts a lot. Mediation has been around for a while. But for some people, it's still new. And unfortunately, some people may not find out about mediation until they're already in the process of dissolution, they may have gone, you know, to court once already, and hopefully their attorney, listen, no, you can do mediation, and they can do it at any point. So if they decide, you know, what, let's try to come together, I do have my attorney, they have their attorney. And that's not unusual, either. I sometimes will have clients where one party is represented and that person is there, or both have attorneys, or neither have attorneys, you don't have to be represented to go through that process. But the caveat behind that is that if you are represented, you are responsible for your attorneys fees, in addition to your mediators fees, okay.

Rick Ripma: 31:43

So when you're when you're looking at something somebody, like, on the attorneys, when I work, I've worked with a lot of divorce attorneys, with their clients for financing. And I always thought that what you'd want is an attorney. That's just the toughest, meanest, you know, son of a gun, and every single one of them has told me no, that's not what you want. You don't it? This is something where this is a long term, you're gonna have relationships with this person, whether you're married or not, because of the kids. And the last thing you want is to have these terrible hard feelings. Yes, because of the divorce is that you can't get over like my sister. She got divorced. Her, her and her ex husband are still very good friends. They're both married to different people. Now, they just my sister's that we just weren't good married. Yes, you know, and they realize that they got divorced, but they're still very good friends, because they had kids to raise. Right, and the kids turned out great. So it, I really wanted to just point out you would you agree you don't want that mean? That that attorney that they kind of show on TV is just being the hard nosed, that's not the best one for a divorce? It's

Janetta Coleman: 32:56

not because you will further destroy what's left of the fabric of their relationship. And if you destroy that, that makes co parenting moving forward extremely different and difficult. You want your attorney to represent your best interests? Yes, yes. But you don't necessarily want them to pound on your co parent, because you have to deal with the aftermath of that with the CO parent. And if there is a lot of back and forth. And unfortunately, it does happen where people cannot get along, or they they are in a revengeful state where I've got to do everything, even after the divorce, because they're still upset about it. And I will say this divorce, no matter if the person who chose it or not, there is still a loss behind that. And you have to address that for yourself. You have to address the realization that your life is different. Does that mean that maybe you should seek therapy for yourself possibly, so that you are the best version of yourself moving forward, when you don't take care of yourself and your needs in this process. That's where you begin to see that adversarial peace playing out over and over and over again, even after post dissolution. And so that then can put families into the place of parent coordination, which is another arm of my services. So parent coordination is a court court appointed position by a judge to say that this individual will make decisions on behalf of this family because you all continue to come back to court over and over and over again. And so usually is posted a solution. And that is a whole nother level. That means that I'm digging into what's going on. What are the decisions, you're still utilizing your mediation skills, but you're no longer a neutral party, if you will, because you have to weigh in on decisions at that point. So if you know a couple is in front of me, and they can't decide on what the holiday schedule is going to be, I'm going to look at that, you know, previous court order or their mediated agreement to say this is what your schedule is, this is what you're going to do. So the parent coordinator has the ability to say, this is what's going to happen. And they'll file the recommendation with the court to say, this is what I recommend, that's going to be in the best interest of the child. And so my focal point is always what's the best interest of the child, as well as the parents relationship with the child what's going to be the most fruitful in the decisions that have to be made. So a parent coordinator is going to be enforcing previous orders, as well as making new recommendations to decrease the level of conflict that's happening in that moment.

Ian Arnold: 35:55

So this is, I'm just gonna do a 180 here for you. But if somebody is looking to talk to somebody about their situation, now they get in touch with you again,

Janetta Coleman: 36:07

they can actually reach us on the website, which is Jen mediation.com. And they can sign up for a consultation, a free consultation, so we'll do a half hour consultation, either by phone or video, they can choose to have just themselves if they're just looking for information and want to be armed with, you know, knowledge. Or if both the parties want to have that conversation together with me, we can do that too.

Rick Ripma: 36:30

Well, and to get a hold of ena I got a HardWorkingMortgageGuys.com That's HardWorkingMortgageGuys.com. Or you can give us a call at 317-672-1938. That's 317-672-1938.

Ian Arnold: 36:43

All right. So before we get into the question a week, I do have a quick question. So because you are human, I'll ask you, is it hard to stay unbiased when you're representing to people?

Janetta Coleman: 36:56

You know, honestly, for me, it's not. And I only say that not in a boisterous way, but because I've worked with families for so long. And my role is to help them move to whatever's going to be the next step. And so that's just something that's been a fabric of my profession for over 25 years, you know, and staying neutral. And it doesn't mean that you won't hear things that are like, you know, oh, that's not what you wanted. Yeah. So, you know, I'm like, and so to kind of combat moments like that, you may say, Well, let's think that through for a second, what do you message do you think that sends to your child? Or what message do you think that sends to your co parent? And will this have any backlash? You think it's always about the questions to get people to see the full circle of what they're thinking and how they're thinking? You know, because I had a, a couple here recently, where, you know, one party wanted to do something on a opposite day, that wasn't their parenting time day, you know, with their child, and but wouldn't tell the other parent, why they wanted to do this. And, you know, and so the parents said, we'll, you know, they don't tell me everything. So I don't tell them everything I said, but what is it that you want? You know, you want that person to tell you everything right, that they're doing? And they're like, Yes, I do. I said, well, sometimes you have to be what it is that you want. Yes. You know, and it clicked for that person. And they're like, so I have to be willing to do it, even if the other person does it. Yes. I said, Why? Because that protects your peace in the process. You know, when we do what we're supposed to do, even though the other person is not, that protects your peace. And that's the difficult and that's, that's something that's continuous in divorce, and post dissolution and parenting and co parenting is that you have to choose to do what's going to be best for your child, but also for you, you could dagger back. But what does that accomplish? Now you just keep spinning your wheels over and over. And now you'll become one of my PC clients.

Rick Ripma: 39:14

It's also it's also a good idea for life. It is for every piece of life

Janetta Coleman: 39:19

it is it really, really is we can't move through life trying to get back at other people. A lot of times, whoever hurt you in that process can't heal you, that's going to be up to you. That's the important piece. And that's some of the tools that the toolbox of my profession that I bring to the table. So when I'm a mediator, I am not a licensed social worker, when an attorney is a mediator, they are not an attorney, we are all playing the very same role in that moment as neutral parties to those clients that are sitting in front of us. All right,

Ian Arnold: 39:53

so now let's get to the question of the week. And this is gonna be a fun one. Okay. What was your first Our Pontiac

Janetta Coleman: 40:01

citation. Pontiac citation was my very first car that my dad got for me. He bought it from a college student from Anderson University as a matter of fact. And yeah, that was my very first car. Gotta love it. I you know, I was in high school and blessed that little cars hard. You know, that was when you know, you could actually put a cassette player in your seat, I'm dating myself a little bit, you put the cassette player in your car, you could take the face off and take it with you type of deal. And I was driving to school one day and I honked the horn. And lo and behold the horn stuck together and I had to drive home like an all the way home. I'm so embarrassed. I remember that my dad he you know, he worked for GM for for a while. And of course he knew what to do, but it stuck together. I mean, he was the old used car so things happen. It

Rick Ripma: 40:53

sounds like you'd liked it though. Yeah,

Janetta Coleman: 40:55

I did. It was little hatchback. It was you know what color? It was gray. It was a great car.

Rick Ripma: 41:02

You probably don't know. But what what size motor? Did it have? Do you remember? I don't probably little four cylinder.

Janetta Coleman: 41:08

More than likely. Yeah. Yeah. So citation, I'd say so.

Ian Arnold: 41:11

So when you're talking about Dating Yourself, let's, let's be honest, Rick was putting eight tracks. And that's exactly what

Rick Ripma: 41:17

I was thinking. First car, I bought myself and had an eight track player. Well,

Janetta Coleman: 41:23

look, we had an RV growing up, so and there was an eight track player in that. And my father loved it. And so that's where my love of jazz because he always has, you know, jazz playing. And so yeah, so I know the eight tracks. Yes, I do.

Rick Ripma: 41:35

But you know, it's really no different than today being able to play things on your phone. We'd love that. Because it's so convenient. It is. Well, having an eight track player at that time was a huge step up from a record. Play in a car. I know

Janetta Coleman: 41:51

exactly. Why not? You could

Rick Ripma: 41:55

not if you didn't want to scratch records. Right. Right bumps would kill it. So it was a huge step up. And then when they made a cassette, yeah. Oh my gosh, you could carry like 10 up to one. Oh, yeah. eight tracks. So that was huge.

Janetta Coleman: 42:09

Absolutely. What was that? You remember Columbia? I think it was Columbia. You can order like 10 for a penny type deal. Of course I did that. But yeah. And then of course, fixing them when you had to fix

Ian Arnold: 42:22

up insulin there.

Rick Ripma: 42:24

That's right. That's right. I want to talk. Yeah, that was fun. Back then, though. It was. And you know, people are going back to record players. I don't think they're going back to eight tracks. But their record players are big. And I guess the sound. I don't have a good enough here. But somebody has a really good ear. I guess they can tell a big difference in the sound quality of the record compared to you can

Janetta Coleman: 42:44

I actually still have a record player? I do. I you know, and we have a collection of LPs. My father was a big collector of that. And so I have some of them now. And I had the pleasure of showing one of my cousins who was much younger. I was like, Have you ever seen a an LP? They're like, what's an LP? I was like, Oh, come to my basement. Yeah. I was like, you've never seen the Thriller album. So yeah, yeah. A lot of kids do they have no idea what that is. And I played it for him like, yeah, that's the needle, you clean it with alcohol. You know, all those things that you remember.

Ian Arnold: 43:19

Don't jump in your house. And your house will jump about my nephew

Rick Ripma: 43:24

when he was like 11 or 12. For Christmas. We bought him a record player and records. Yeah. And he was I mean, it was just that they didn't even have any idea what it was, but he loved it.

Janetta Coleman: 43:34

But he loved it. It's authentic. You can hear the sounds you hear everything before auto tunes, you know. So you hear you can almost feel where they were the room you sound you

Rick Ripma: 43:46

can hear so I don't have that ability. I just did all sounds the same to me. But but unless it's crackly Yeah, cuz and that which also adds something to it does add something. I'm sorry. I'll quit talking about you.

Ian Arnold: 43:59

But there is one thing she's very been very modest about. She'd even mentioned to us. Or she had mentioned on the radio. She mentioned to us earlier. She's an author.

Rick Ripma: 44:09

She is an author.

Ian Arnold: 44:10

So tell me about this book.

Janetta Coleman: 44:13

Well, in my, in my career, in working in child welfare, I work mainly with foster youth, you know, independent living children who have been placed out of home and in group homes. And I used to run a group home for many years with pregnant and parenting teens. And so over the years, you know, in that role in several different roles, I journaled a lot in working with youth, and you know, I would follow the use sometimes all the way from 16 to 18, because they were emancipated and aged out of the system. And so there's just a lot of lessons that you see but of course, being you know, a biological child of foster parents, my historical knowledge of that is even more vast So I could see and understand things that people wouldn't normally and understand of the system, if you've never been in the system or haven't been touched by it, there's so much of it, you wouldn't even think about. And so I've had a front row seat to what happens with kids in foster care. And a lot of times, once they exit the system, they have to figure out who they are. And they may not necessarily have all of the support systems available to us, that you and I may know, and having, you know, traditional families that have stayed intact. And so I just decided, when I left the role is a social worker, if you will. And so that was what we call, you know, direct care working directly with them. And so now, I don't do that direct care so much. But I just felt like I wanted to leave something for young people. And it's called Surviving foster care, a journey of self discovery. And it's about discovering who they are, it's a workbook, it's information and lessons and plans. And it's also a journal, you know, what is it that you want in your life? You know, what steps can you take, it's almost like giving them the ability to create a life plan, and reignite the fire that was within them, you know, when they were much younger, they probably had dreams and thoughts about who they wanted to be. And, unfortunately, going through the system, sometimes you that becomes a distant dream for some, but it doesn't have to be, you know, there's still opportunities and you have a whole life to lead, you know, now that you've aged out of the system, foster care was one moment in time, which seemed like an eternity. But now you're at 1920. And you have all the way up until, you know, life expectancy of 75, to create a life for yourself. And this is really something to just give them the tools and thoughts to create that life plan. And so this is something that is it is available on Amazon, but it's also a incorporated into the reading list for the Department of Child Services, Indiana for foster parents who are fostering children to because it's not just for foster youth, it's also for youth who are just trying to figure out who I want to be, what do I want to do? So it's life lessons, you know, if you're, if you have belief, and you're religious, there's principles in that, to give you guidance as well. But the biggest thing that I say it here is that you know, whoever hurts, you can't heal you that's going to be up to you, you know, so that you can move forward positively. Yeah,

Ian Arnold: 47:33

I'm a big movie person. So I was watching A Madea movie. Yes. One of the best lines is forgiveness is not for them. That's right. It's for you. And I was like, that's actually very well said. Yes. Yes, it

Janetta Coleman: 47:46

is. It really is. Yeah, it's very true. Yeah, yeah, it's the letting go. Yeah. And that's something that I see even. And that goes back to the transference of knowledge and skills into you know, mediation, if you have not healed from the dissolution of your marriage, you're going to continue to lash out. That's where you get, you know, mental health things can arise, but just, you know, that adversarial and I've got to get your type deal, you have not healed you have not addressed things that you need to address. You know, while it may have been imposed upon you, you still have to take care of your business internally, and let go, you know, and that's hard to do for a lot of people is hard to see what your life is going to be when you originally thought of it with this other person. And it really is like taking a rug with a table of dishes and snatching it. But it wasn't magical. Actually, everything fell to the floor and broke. And that sometimes is that individual and you have the duty to pick up your own pieces for yourself and for your children, so that you can move forward in a positive light.

Rick Ripma: 48:59

You can't fix anything until you take responsibility for yes, even if it may not have been your responsibility, you still got to just you got to suck it up. Take responsibility, it is only way you can you can fix it and time passes, no matter what, no matter what. So all that matters is what do you do in that time? Right, because the time is gonna pass. It's like It's like riding up for the kids. But they don't understand. You know, when I was young, I thought I knew everything. Sure. I remember arguing with my parents, you know, and then and now you realize as you get old, you realize you don't really know anything? Yeah, the things you thought you knew you weren't right, you know, so we're all we're all struggling through it. Different ages. Some people in others people I talked to that they were a lot smarter than me because they figured it out long before I did, but it's important. That's such an important thing to help those young young kids with.

Janetta Coleman: 49:58

Absolutely, absolutely. And, you know, the same things and, you know, there's such parallel, the same things that youth are facing, especially foster youth who have, you know, they don't have the family unit or support. And let's think about also, co parents who are now going through the first season of the holidays without their children. Massive, you know, a lot of depression comes up during this season, you know, because for foster youth, you know, you're watching other people go to other people's homes, which is normal, you know, for some people to I'm going to my grandparents, and I'm going to my cousin's house and that house in that house, you know, they don't have that, or you have the the parent who, you know, they normally on Christmas Eve, put all the decorations up. And this has been their normal. And now, you know, the children are spending the time with the other co parent, and now they don't know what to do with themselves. And this is all new, and this to be expected. So even though the divorce is over, the emotional impact is going to come and ripples over time, because of the new things that's going to have to become your new normal, that was not your normal, you know, you've got to put it together and figure out what you're going to do, you know, stay busy, you know, pick up some of those old hobbies that you had possibly, you know, spend time with, with self, you know, surrounded with some friends, do whatever you need to do, or talk it out, you know, if you need to talk with someone do that, because again, the holiday season is difficult, you may have lost a parent, you know, this is difficult. And you know, there's just so many things that happen to people. So again, we have to be responsible for our own healing.

Ian Arnold: 51:40

All right, so last, I'm gonna ask, if somebody's looking to better start a new part of their life, what was the best way they can get ahold of you, they

Janetta Coleman: 51:50

can get a hold of us and schedule a 30 minute consultation by visiting our website, which is gin mediation.com. schedule online and you'll have the times available that you can select and you will get me as the person that you want to talk to either by phone or video. And

Rick Ripma: 52:07

if you have any real estate needs or questions, please give Ian or I a call at 317-672-1938 that's 317-672-1938 or you can go online to HardWorkingMortgageGuys.com That's HardWorkingMortgageGuys.com. And please follow us for more in these real estate gurus

Ian Arnold: 52:27

and reminder if you have any friends, family coworkers looking to buy sell refinance, let us know we're more than happy to help you. Jenna, thank you for joining us on the show. It's been a pleasure having you

Janetta Coleman: 52:35

on Thank you for having me. I appreciate it so much.

Announcer: 52:40

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