#65 How to be a world class dad to your daughters, with Kyah & Aaliyah Denning

Gentlemen, welcome to the Be The Man podcast.

I'm your host, Greg Denning, and today we have two very special guests, Particularly so because they're the first women to be on the Be The Man podcast and they're my daughters, and they are beautiful and talented and awesome.

And it has been absolute joy to be their father, even though they didn't have a whole lot of say in the matter.

They just showed up and they're born that way.

But it has been, we've had an amazing life, an absolutely amazing life.

And our oldest, Kaya, is 21 and is engaged and going to be married soon.

So this is the last time she's with us as a single person.

And actually this is the last time it felt like the last time before.

But this, this for reals, is the last time, all seven kids under the same roof here in Portugal in our house.

She was doing service and missionary work in the Dominican Republic and just came back to stay with us.

And we did that over landing trip through Morocco is unbelievable.

And then she's leaving tomorrow and then we're all going to Africa, Dubai and Africa tomorrow.

And then our next oldest son Parker is heading off to do his mission and and service work for a while.

So this is it.

This is the last, this is the last rodeo before she gets married and is off.

So and then our daughter Aaliyah is 17 and is very mature.

So like count these two as women.

And then I have two little girls.

So I wanted to have them on today to talk about the whole daddy daughter thing.

So thanks you guys for being on the podcast and thanks for being awesome daughters.

Thanks.

Sarah Yeah, we're excited to be here.

So you guys, I just wanted to kind of just talk about like what?

What has been valuable and helpful for you with me as a dad, right.

The family is designed.

The ideal family is designed perfectly with having a mom and a dad and there's tons you guys gained from mom.

Hopefully you got a few things for me and then obviously from your siblings right and and just from life and experience.

But but you know being as the Be the Man podcast, we're talking prominently to to dads like what?

What has been important and valuable to you in in that aspect from From me as a dad.

We're just kind of just whatever comes to mind here.

We just have this conversation about how we can all be better dads to our daughters.

I think for me at least, in like a typical family, usually the mom gives like a lot of love.

And I feel like normally a mom and daughter will have a good relationship, you know, 'cause they're similar in thinking and attitude ways, I guess.

So I think with the father, like it's important to let them like let the daughter know that he loves you and you're like remembered that he wants to spend time with you.

And so I think even like one-on-one things like for example, my dad and I, we both share like a passion in training our dogs.

So like when we're not traveling every single morning we train them or go on a walk with them.

So it's like personal time, just one-on-one, like doing something that we both love.

So it's like, and it's it's the same with every child, you know, one-on-one time.

But I think like I can have a relationship with my mom and not have to do, I guess so much time, 'cause we just relate with things, but with the father you can have like an activity that you both relate to.

Cause since the opposite sex is, it's kind of hard.

You know, you don't always relate in things, but if you both have a passion that you're working on consistently, it's kind of it builds that relationship.

Yes.

Yeah, that's a great insight and it's, I look forward to it every morning.

It's been something that we have in common.

And you're right, because I don't, I don't know what it's like to be a woman.

So there's all this like empty, blank, dark space where I'm like, I don't know what it's like to be a woman and so, but you have that with mom but not with me.

So then we we build on common ground as one aspect is to find something we're both passionate about and do that together.

And obviously we get to have cool experiences, we get to learn together, we get to make mistakes together.

We get to see beautiful things, make mistakes like, I don't know, have a great time.

And we have all those shared memories.

Yeah, something that I was thinking about as Aliyah was talking is that you're so deliberate at finding things to do with each of us.

So for example, like we're, we have very different personalities and Ali and I are very different.

But I think something you've done an incredible job at is finding ways to relate to each one of us, especially because all of us are different.

And it's really funny because our everyone in our family has a very like strong personality, but also just a very different personality.

And so that's something that you've done for me a lot is finding ways to relate and to, you know, spend time with me on something that I am passionate about.

Or and it's not like, oh, you know how like sometimes people pretend that they care about something.

You know, like you don't really want to play dolls with your kid, but they go and play dolls and you like know that they don't want to do it.

You actually find something that you either really curious about or you actually get into it, whatever it is, so that you can have a one-on-one relationship with me and with all the other kids.

And I think that's super important because I know whatever, like activity that we're doing or conversation that we're having, I know that it's because you actually care about that thing.

And me, I I know it's not like, oh, like I'm pretending to do that or I'm pretending to support you.

It's like, no, like you went out of your way to learn about it or be interested in it and to actually, like, show up.

Yep, exactly.

And well, I I wanna really emphasize you cannot fake this stuff.

Like Kai is saying, there you you can't, you can't fake it because you see through it.

You guys would see right through it.

If I was pretending to be engaged or pretending to enjoy myself, you'd you'd see right through that.

And so it's it's me deliberately deciding like, no, I'm, I'm all in here.

I'm gonna have a blast.

Even if sometimes I'm like, well, I'm not as into that particular thing as maybe you guys are, but I'm like, I'm, I'm gonna get into spending time with you and your love of that thing.

Mm hmm.

And so that's been huge.

And and gosh, the the thing I cherish the most is our shared memories.

Mm hmm.

Like things that I've done with you.

Like I have those for the rest of my life.

Yeah.

And it's like, it is so precious and so special to me, especially now, Kaya, that you're moving out tomorrow and starting your family, getting married and and like, literally going to change your name and and start your family.

Like, I get to hold on to all the memories we have.

Yeah.

And.

What I love is that I have so many of those.

I remember when I first moved out, it was just really interesting.

Like, we're just talking like with my roommates.

I was talking about like families, trying to get to know them a little bit better.

And I just remember thinking like, wow, I have so many memories with my dad that I love that I want to share, that I want to talk about.

I mean, I have friends that are like, I don't even know your dad, but I I feel how much I you love him and how much you want to be doing things with him.

You want to be talking with him.

Like, I love your dad, too.

And they don't even know that you have a podcast or anything.

Like, it's just it's just awesome that we have so many of those because I know that you genuinely want to show up for me and you do you.

I mean, you've done that my entire life.

Yeah, and just like, well, it was a deliberate choice early on to think, I I want to have a full stack of memories.

Well, because I didn't have that, right?

So I grew up without a dad.

And so I think I had have maybe three memories with my dad and and I don't remember were you guys in that conversation.

I don't remember somewhat recently we were talking about do people have any fun memories with their fathers?

Were you guys in on that.

Yeah.

And.

And they they couldn't.

They're like I can't they couldn't remember fun memories with their dads.

And I was like, man, I got we have tons, tons.

And we're stacked and.

And what advantage we have.

One of the huge advantages we have in our family is travel memories.

Like the very first time you and I went to Paris.

Kaya.

That was unbelievable.

Yeah.

Right.

And then what was our first big one?

Leah.

Was it Mongolia?

Yeah.

And well and and China on that trip and Korea and and suffering like suffering together.

Right.

Suffering together is a is a common thing.

So we're having these spectacular experiences, but then also like the shared suffering of that travel experience was brutal.

Or other times when we we we couldn't sit on those saddles.

We were riding horses of Mongolia and we all were sitting with our butts off the edge, 'cause we're in so much pain.

But yeah, all those all those beautiful places where I went to Guatemala with you multiple times, we went to these adventure camps, 'cause you were the oldest.

So we started doing trips with you and and I get to hold on to that now.

It's so awesome.

There's no better way to build or strengthen a relationship is doing doing fun things that you both love, but also pushing those limits of comfort.

And so sometimes it sucks, but you're both in it together and you just, you just can't help laughing because you're like both kind of feeling miserable at that moment.

But then you look back and like that was so fun and we grew and our relationship is better.

It makes such a great story.

So I'm I'm imagining some of the dads are asking like, well, how do I get my daughter to do that?

Like, how did, how did you guys want to go out and have adventures and experiences with me?

Like what?

What was the driving force, especially if you knew it was going to be hard?

I some, I think it's like my biggest bragging right for me is like, I know without a doubt that my dad's my biggest cheerleader and that he always has been, has been and always will be.

Like that's something that I have no doubt of and I think because my dad's shown up to celebrate me so consistently and even maybe like I did things or I did or whatever.

Like I I just my dad just so good that expressing his love and like saying like, oh, good job where I'm probably be for this thing or whatever it is.

And I would say to another father for especially their daughter, I think they need to hear those things.

I think in general women need to hear that, and especially especially a daughter from her father.

Yep.

You know, because gosh, you're right, daughters.

We have to remember this, gentlemen.

Daughters are women.

And and even when they're little, they're just like they're women inside this teeny little package.

Right.

So I have a 7 year old and nine year old.

They're they're still women.

Like, they're little girls, but they're they're women.

And they're gonna grow up to be women.

Yeah.

And women have to be.

They want and need it to be cheered and celebrated and like, they're right there.

Like, I'm here.

I'm here for you.

Like, go chase your dreams.

I'm right here.

Yeah.

And I think when things as you get older when things get harder I think a lot of daughters realize that they they don't like the father hasn't built enough trust that they can rely or lean on their dad Like my I know that your dad like like dad you're a rock that you're a solid and I can trust you and and that you got me.

And I think one of the main points, I think when that gorilla clicked was we were hiking a volcano in Guatemala and I did not train for it at all and it was like literally the hardest.

Thing about this.

And I was, I like, felt so sick while I was.

It was just not it.

And I hated every second of it.

And everyone had already like gone to the top and was turning, turning around to go back down to the bottom.

And I had, like, gotten to the point where I was like, the sun was like, right.

There was probably, like another 30 minutes.

And my guy had already took in pictures at the top, already went to the top.

And everyone's coming down.

And you stopped.

And you like, do you want to go to the top?

Oh, I went crazy.

And I was like, yeah, I want to go to the top.

And you went back to the top when you could have been like, oh, it's OK You did good job.

And like, I sat and cried because I was like, this is so hard.

So you're like, no, we got this.

Let's go to the top.

And you, like, you didn't rush me when we got to top.

You're like, let's take pictures.

Good job, Kaya.

Like, would you learn?

How can I help you?

Like, how can I like?

And I think that for me, I was like, wow, Like, he was with all these other people.

Other people wanted to spend time with him.

But he stopped everything that he was doing to go and summit something with me.

And he celebrated me.

And like, he didn't.

I don't know.

Like, I just remember.

That's when I realized I was like, wow, like, my dad's my biggest cheerleader.

And he was so he wasn't like, oh, why are you training?

Blah, blah, blah.

He was like, wow, good job, Kaya.

And that for me was like, wow, like, I want to be a better person.

And I realized, wow, my dad is my biggest cheerleader.

And he built that trust where I know, like, anything happens, I can call my dad.

He'll figure it out, you know, or he'll help me figure it out.

And that he's my biggest cheerleader.

But it's like how you showed up for me when it for me was a big deal, 'cause I think you could have been like, oh whatever, like everyone's already.

Well, and I was exhausted.

Like, yeah, So this, it was a it was a big hike.

I knew we had a long way out and my legs were cramping up.

I was spent and I got down there and you go down like the steepest part there and and get there.

I'm like, OK, Like if she wants to go back up, I'm gonna push through the pain.

Like, who cares what my my legs are screaming like if Kaya says yes, I'm going back to the top and then drop down again, right.

And and so I had to walk through This is like, no, this is for you.

And so I'm like, yeah, I'll do what I've got to do as a dad to make sure you have the experience you want to have.

And that was it.

That was awesome.

Yeah, it's like I think you've done a great job doing that of self sacrifice to help us achieve our goals and dreams.

And you've always been like very selfless of that, That even with if you want something, you're going to help us push to what we want and want to do, yeah.

Well, and like I see that as my role and gentlemen listening like that's that's our role as dads is we have to carry the most and and do the most not not enabling.

I mean you guys have had to earn your way and and do the work.

I'm not.

I mean I carry you when you're little.

After a while, I'm like, get your butt up the hill, right?

But but I have to be willing to do the extra work.

I have to pick up any slack.

And and knowing that especially early on I started realizing I'm like, gosh, I've gotta make sure I'm in this position to be able to carry the extra to do the extra part which literally included carrying you guys when you were little.

Like we go out on big hikes and I ended up with two or three of you on me and I'm like, oh man.

And we started traveling.

Kyle was four we started traveling and Aaliyah was like 3 months old.

And I cause at 4 year old's not gonna you can barely carry a teeny little backpack of four and then you're like you don't want to.

So I, I became the pack mule and I was, you know, at that point you're like, man, let's not travel.

It's too much work for me.

Let's not go on these ventures.

It's too much work for me when everybody gets tired, when all the little ones stop, like I I could have stopped, but I was like, no, I I want you guys to have these experiences.

So I'm going to carry the load, which just means I have to stay on the top of my game.

Yeah.

And it's it's, I love it.

How my parents said it was hard at first, traveling and going on hikes and stuff because my dad ended up caring most of us.

But he didn't stop.

He wasn't like, this is not working, none of you walk.

So why are we doing this?

Like, he kept doing it.

So now we have these memories since since I was a baby of going on hikes and doing adventures.

Even though it's hard, we're still all doing it.

And like, we don't look look back on it as a negative experience, you know, like my dad pushed through to create those experiences and now we all love.

You guys all love it.

Do you, do you guys remember the five?

I don't even know if it was really 5 miles, but like that five mile hike that we did, where was it?

And it was a slot Canyon in Capitol Reef National Park.

Yeah, OK.

So that was forever ago.

It was a really long time ago.

And I remember that being like, the hardest thing that has, like, ever been done.

I was like, wow.

And I just remember we were little like, I think I was like 8 or something, and I'm the oldest.

So everyone and their whole family went, so everyone was, you know, a lot younger than that.

But I just remember like that was like a hard thing and you were carrying like pretty much everyone except for me.

It took way, way longer, so it went dark.

We had no flashlights, ran out of food and water.

I was carrying three kids.

Mom was carrying somebody.

Yeah, it.

Was I was the only person?

It was a yeah.

You're the only walking out.

It was.

Oh, it was a doozy.

But I remember it is so fun.

Playing.

Exactly playing.

In the like.

That was the best thing ever.

And I, you know, mom and I walked out and I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm just grateful we made it back to the car and didn't, like, spend the night out there.

But I had to do that so that I wanted you guys to love adventure.

And I'm like, the only way you're going to love adventure is you get to your limit wherever that limit is, and then I pick up the slack.

Well, and you had such a great attitude about it too.

Like you're like, oh, we're Dennings, we do hard thing and like we were like singing songs as we were walking and you're like holding all these kids.

And I was a little too, like, I didn't know that.

I just remember being like such a long hike.

But I'm like, well, we're strong.

Like we're we can do things, we can do things that are hard.

And I remember for a long time, like, yeah, we did this hike and it was crazy hard.

And we made it fun.

And we made it fun.

And so then it goes into like we're older, we do more, we do other things and we are like oh, as a family we know that we can get things done.

We we have this like built in system, like oh, we're strong, we can do hard things.

And that comes out because you decided to pick up the slack, you know?

And I think that you've always had a super positive mindset.

So I think it would have been a totally different situation if you had been like mad, like if you're upset at us, that you had to carry us all and that you just, you weren't happy that we were walking.

Like you had a super positive mindset about it.

So as a child, looking back, we just think, oh, dad was having a fun time.

We were having a fun time.

Like he was just laughing the whole way.

So, like, just as a child, that's what you're going to remember.

Yeah, you're you're mirroring what I'm putting off and that's what you remember now.

Unfortunately, there were some bad days when when you guys would not walk, especially Aliyah, you and Kimball, they went through this period.

You guys, we lived in the Dominican Republic and we went through this period.

Where they?

You guys refused.

You absolutely refused to walk.

If there was any grain of sand on your feet.

And we lived at the beach.

I was like, are you kidding?

I would get so mad, like, just walk you.

You were a toddler.

You could walk, but neither of you would.

The dude was like, uh huh.

And you and I'm like, fine, we're leaving you here.

You know, it works with all the other kids.

Like, we'll walk around the corner like they'll come.

You guys wouldn't come.

You're staring like, so I'm like, oh man.

And so I go back.

But then it was a couple of times, like, I got frustrated at those point and you guys just cried.

And that broke my heart.

He was like like I'm being lazy or whatever.

Well it was hotter than blazes.

I had carried two kids and you guys were heavy kids.

You are all heavy kids and so I'm carrying but but you would cry.

I'm like and then I felt terrible like I can't make him cry so and then then it would be a bad association or a bad experience.

I'm like, no I'm not.

We're not doing that anymore.

And so I had to, I had to re recreate all of that because I wanted you guys to love life, to love adventures, to do hard things, to chase your dreams, to get back up after you fail, right.

Just just to be alive and and you're doing that and it's awesome.

What else?

What else has been significant?

I think as as a child I always looked up to you and like kind of my older brothers as well.

Like example is like Cliff jumping.

Like I always remember as a child I was so scared, but just seeing that you guys were doing it and you guys were having fun and even though it's scary, like you're just still doing it.

And I just remember thinking like I want to do that when I'm older, Like I want to do scary things.

The biggest thing is that my dad was doing it.

He was he was facing his fears.

He's having awesome adventures and he's having fun doing it.

And like that just just to have someone to look up, just to look up at and who's doing awesome things.

Like, I want to do that too.

Like to.

And my dad, like, he's a capable man.

So in my mind, like, whenever there's something scary, like I know my dad can handle it.

Like if something goes wrong, like the slim chance something might go wrong, my dad can handle it.

He's there to save me, you know, if I fall or if something happens.

And there's been times where I did get hurt, but my dad has always been there too.

And so now in my mind, like, it's OK.

So if I get hurt, that's fine, because now I have.

I have someone who's there to support me and help me.

Which again thank you for sharing that that's one of a primary role of a dad is to be there for security.

Security detail.

That's usually I'm I'm the security detail or yeah, if if something goes S whose job is it to to package things up and make it right.

It's mine right now I've trained all you guys and taught you how to do all that stuff and you help.

But like it lands on me and I love that.

I love hearing experience, like you're willing to take risks because you're like if something goes off, like Dad's here and and you 2 lucked out.

Because in between, in between both my daughters, I have the two sons and when we started doing scary things, I grabbed them and threw them off the cliffs.

They had no choice in the matter.

I was like, you're going and I literally threw them in.

And then you two came along afterwards and it's just been so fun.

Well, yeah, like the thing with in Mexico, there's cenotes, which are just like water holes.

And I remember, like that's how I learned how to swim is my dad just chucked me in there.

But like always, and it's scary, but always in the back of my mind, I knew that my dad wouldn't do it if it was safe.

Like I.

Just if it if it weren't safe.

Yeah, yeah, I'd like.

I know he can assess the situation, so I like, even though it's scary and I thought I'd drown, like I know my dad's right there to save me, so even though he pushes me, it's gonna be OK And I think that's important.

As a dad, you're the encourager and you push your children to keep past their limits, but you're also there to protect them and help them if something goes wrong.

Yep, love that.

Yeah, that's something that I love is that.

I know that my dad's going to kind of tell it to strike like he's not going to sugar coat think.

I was having a conversation with my dad and my fiance.

My dad was just like saying it how exactly it was about marriage, about everything.

And that's something I really appreciate because one, I actually appreciate that he'll do it.

And when he does say it, it's like, but I know he cares about me.

And I think what I've seen happen to a lot of, like, my peers, like daughter and father relationships is that there's like that lack of trust or that like know that their dad's can is actually on their side or that they care or that they push them but also support and love them Or leading by example.

There's like, there's a lot of incongruence in that and a lot of relationships.

And so when a dad's like I have to tell it to you straight, it comes off as like a huge attack, and then it becomes a fire.

Or it's like my dad actually hates me.

Or people think that.

But with you, you've done such a great you pushed me like I you pushed me to be so much better, and you'll tell me what I need to fix.

But all at the same time, I know that you love me.

You're on my side.

You want to help me?

Exactly.

All of that deep love.

You're always very good at like praising.

You don't.

You don't give it out like free.

But when we actually do something it's hard and that was past our limits or comfort zone.

You're always like great job that was amazing and like making us feel like awesome that we achieved that thing.

And and what's happening in me when whenever you guys have done anything good like it's it's like that proud dad moment, man.

And it's incredible and it I just get filled and thrilled to watch you guys do things and to see who you have become and who you are becoming.

It's it's so exciting to watch you to life.

It's amazing.

And now you're starting your own family.

I can't wait to be a grandpa.

I mean, I'll wait.

I'll wait.

But wow.

And and we just start your own family now and carry on the the pieces of the legacy that you guys want to take into your family and the things you're doing with your lives and it's fun.

Anything else comes to mind that stands out as important or do's or don'ts that dads might appreciate?

I think also it's kind of with everything else but knowing.

Like, I know my dad's a very busy man.

But when he takes time out of his day to spend time with our children, with his children, I think like, he used to read to us every single night as children.

And now, like, that's what's blossomed into that.

All of us love to read.

We love books.

Like, it's one of my favorite things is just to read a great book and to knowing that you're busy working, that you take time off to kind of like plant a seed into us.

Like.

And now, now that I'm older, I recognize that that you spent like hours all together, like just reading to us, that now we love reading on our own.

Those are some of my all time favorite memories, all time favorite memories and we read thousands and thousands and thousands of pages together.

Do you guys remember I used to fall asleep like mid sentence?

You guys, you guys are wide awake.

Dad wake up and I was like mid sentence.

I'm like, just fall asleep.

If someone asked me like my first memories with you, that's probably what I think of like, Oh, my dad's falling asleep while he's reading to us.

Oh, it's all the Betsy Tacy, all the Little House on the Prairie, The Wizard of Oz and Narnia.

Yeah, like long series.

And we went through all of it, and it was that was, I cherish that so, so, so much.

And and there was never, you know, oh, if we went to bed, you know, in this house like I remember the IT didn't matter where we were.

We could be camping in our car.

It'd be on side of a trip like a side of you know anywhere, anywhere.

And we and you did it everywhere and you made it super consistent.

You just were very you're you're very consistent.

And I think that's another thing is whatever kind of relationship you want to implement or to start to have with your daughter make it consistent.

Because I think also women like consistency and they.

Make feel safe and.

Secure.

And so I think if you're trying to improve your relationship with your daughter be consistent and whatever you decide like if you're going to do daddy daughter dates, be consistent about it.

Because again, that's such a core memory of all of ours, but especially mine, at least of you reading to us.

But it was never, oh, if I felt like it or if I wasn't tired, it was like every single night I knew that I was gonna, Dad was gonna read to us and we were gonna finish this book and we had these series.

And, you know, I like my.

I always remembered that.

Do you guys remember what we read last?

Because I forgot because I was sleeping.

And then we have to tell him what happened.

And then he would read it.

But you were so consistent.

And it didn't matter if you were tired, if we were camping, if we were all, you know, at someone else's house.

It's like we all knew that that was what's going to happen and we weren't going to miss out on.

That it was such a great way to end every day together.

And then every single morning we deliberately greeted you guys with smiles and hugs and excitement starting with you.

Kaya like like first sign of consciousness from you.

We adopted you.

I would always like and I remember thinking this I like, I want my kids to be happy and energize excited for a new day.

And so I'd go in and smile really big.

And I used to squint.

When I smiled, I'd smile really big and squint.

And you started doing that.

And where I was like, look at Rachel.

Like, why did she squint when she smiles?

And then I realized it was me, Like, you were just mimicking my face, just doing this every time like me, like, so every time she woke up, she'd wake up and see me there, like squinting with a big smile.

And you started doing.

It was so funny.

So I'm like, OK, I got a smile without squinting, but every morning, greeting, greeting you guys with excitement for life.

And then finish the day by reading and thinking and spending time together.

It's just been awesome.

I love like what you said, Kaya.

It's like consistency.

Because I think women are more oriented of like they need reminders, they need consistency.

Whether men that you can do is 1 big thing and I'll kind of remember that.

But women they need.

And I was just thinking of all like all the things I love doing with my dad.

They're consistent, every single one of them.

And like the adventures we've had facing fears, reading books, training dogs, working out together, it's all consistent.

And so I realized that my dad actually loves me and he loves spending time with me because we do this all the time.

And like, that's so powerful to me.

It's just the consistency and knowing that my dad values my time with him.

Yep, absolutely.

Gosh, I have.

I have such awesome exercise memories with both of you.

Yeah, like that.

Especially the time when you and I were doing the martial arts class.

Actually, you too, I we did martial arts.

I did OK separately, We did martial arts classes with each of you for a long period of time.

It was just awesome.

And then I just remember hard, hard workouts where we were just like, oh man, if I don't puke in this class, I was gonna be happy to get out of here without vomiting or this.

I love those memories.

Yeah.

It's hard workout.

So it's it's doing things that we love to do, things that are good in life, exercising, making food.

I've made amazing food with both of you and I've eaten a lot of amazing food that each of you has prepared because you both love cooking so much.

But.

Wait, can we talk about that?

First, yeah, go.

That's something that I've actually thought a lot of.

I love cooking.

And one of the things I love is when I would make something every, like, I've been cooking for a really long time, like since I was little.

And I know I would make things that weren't good, 'cause I tasted and I was like, this is not it.

But I spent so many, like I remember being like, I don't know, like 10, like when we lived in Guatemala and I'd like make this bread.

And I like, I was like, but I tried and you weren't be like, oh, this isn't the best thing.

Be like kind of good job for trying.

And you realize the effort that I put in, you know?

Or if I wrote you a note, you'd be like, Oh my goodness, thank you so much for this note that you left me or whatever it is like you found.

And again, kind of what we were saying at the beginning, like you found ways to be interested, 'cause I don't know if you have a huge passion for cooking, but that's been a big part of things that you've done with Ali and I and.

Celebrating the effort like you said, that's huge.

I love that.

Oh man, so good.

Books that we've read or listened to together.

Beautiful places we've gone and served people together.

Have special memories with each of you like helping and loving and challenging ourselves, pushing our limits, facing our fears.

I have very vivid memories with each of you doing scary things and Kaya.

Kaya loves to just like scream and it's like she just freaks out.

And I we have so many fun memories.

You like and then Leah, you just kind of get quiet in there, but then you do it.

I mean, it's awesome.

So I.

Remember the Via Ferrata in France?

That was.

I think that was a time where I was scared the most I've ever been in my life.

But I was just doing it.

My dad behind me and I just looked down at him and I was just just breathe, knowing my dad's there, like and I just kept going and at the end my dad was like, I'm so proud of you.

That was amazing.

I just, I felt, I felt amazing, like I felt like I achieved something awesome.

I'd face my fears and that my dad is proud of me for doing that, even though it was uncomfortable.

Yep, that and that was that was terrifying.

That was that was the most scared I've been quite a while.

That was a doozy.

And then Kaya went bungee jumping when she was four.

Yeah, it was wild.

It was a big, huge bungee jump.

It was so fun.

So again, like all these cool memories.

So I guess I mean the there's been lots of big takeaways.

Thank you for your insights.

But like we we're trying to to really live and and knowing full well that.

Well, the book Little Women, right.

That's what she's saying.

They're they're little women.

What, What are girls?

They're little women.

And they grow up so fast to become women.

So now, I mean, I never saw this day coming.

I couldn't see that far off sitting in my office reporting a confidence with my two daughters who are women.

And it's just been an absolute joy to be your dad and to love what you do and who you are and celebrate the the differences, the uniqueness, the the fun, the the commonalities.

It's just been awesome.

It's been awesome.

Love it.

Any last thoughts?

Anything else that you think of it comes to mind.

Yeah, I think it's important as a father because really you're you're the first man.

That she never say that like you say that you.

Will be what she looks for in marriage.

You will be what she sees the world half what half the world is their men and she will see that in you and kind of cast a shadow of kind of how men should be or.

How she doesn't or how she doesn't want her vanity, Because I have a lot of friends.

They do that.

It's like they either want someone like their dad, or they're looking for someone that's a complete opposite of their dad and they decide that based off of their relationship with their father.

Exactly.

Sorry.

No, that was good.

And I think, Dad, you've done an absolutely amazing job of what a man should be and like, hope that there is other men out there that I would want to marry.

And like, it's just inspiring the kind of man you are.

And you like your toughness and your grit and your encouragement.

It's just, I think it's so important to show your daughter what a man should be and what she should want in her future spouse.

Yeah.

Josh Right.

And when you when you stop to think about it, you're right.

It's the first man that your daughter gets exposure to but it's the man she will know the best for years.

I mean, Kai, you moved out.

You're 1818 years with me.

Like that's you get to know and see and and that's the perception of of men and it has to be done well.

Because, I mean, think about it.

It's 18 years of your entire life from your first memories till like you leave, that's you're seeing how he does business.

You're seeing how he interacts with, you know, your, your wife.

Like I saw, you know, how you interacted with everyone else, how you showed up for work, how you did everything that you've done.

And so that's my frame of reference.

And so I leave.

And then you see other guys and you're like, I think unconsciously people are comparing that to their dad or the other men.

And they're like because you know, a lot of times there's a sometimes who are people don't have a dad that they look up to or even a father figure, but they're looking for someone else.

And it's really sad because it a lot of times people go, my dad didn't do this, didn't do this, didn't do this, didn't do this, didn't do this.

And so then they marry the complete opposite of who their dad is or was because they don't like their dad or they don't want their relations.

Or like, well, my dad treated my mom like my dad didn't love my mom or they didn't get along.

And so guys just don't get along.

They're not agreeable.

So if I'm fighting with this guy and it's never working out, well, my dad always fought with my mom.

Like, that's what I saw so consistently.

That's what to expect.

And it's going to create a lens or a paradigm through which they see life.

Yeah, well, and how you like how you'd see your father treating your mom.

Like how if you don't, if it's not a good relationship and you just always see conflict and just not treating so well, like how is the daughter going to it's it's a lot harder to see what kind of relationship you want, like 'cause if that's what you see, you're like, oh, that's just how men treat women.

And so then how are you going to find the man that's going to treat you well, like you have the father has to treat the the wife?

Like a queen.

So then the daughter grows up like, I want a man like that.

And then you figure out and know what you want in your relationship.

Yeah, 'cause what?

What's a little girl doing almost her entire life to accept future forecasting to being a woman and and so seeing that the marriage relationship she's seeing like this close up, it's the how do you say it?

It's the closest close up you'll ever see of a marriage and and what to do, what not to do.

That's huge.

And so I think, yeah, it's so insightful.

A little girl is almost always seeing it herself in her mother.

Like I'm going to be a woman married to a man and and if that's off that her whole reality is, is trying to make sense of that.

But if it's on, then she's like, I want that.

And you know something I'd say the other men is if if you don't have a really good relationship with your daughter, I think you should ask yourself, do I want my daughter to marry someone like me?

And then because a lot of times that's kind of what ends up happening is they or they meet.

They're just, they don't even know who their dad is.

Like sometimes fathers don't even know who their daughter is.

And I know a lot of girls that don't like, I'm like, Oh my gosh, tell me about your dad.

Like, what's your relationship with that?

And they have nothing.

And so it's just that's like, really sad because like you said, we have this opportunity as children, especially as daughters, to see a really successful marriage.

We can see that.

And we should be able to see that.

And they think that that that's the responsibility of a man is to lay down the path for us to model our lives off of.

So when I see you showing up for Mom, you're so consistent with Mom, You do all these things for you, work with her.

And one of the things I love about you and Mom's relationship is that you guys can talk about anything and you grow and learn together.

And so that's something that I really love about my fiance is that I can read something and I can talk to him about it.

And I know that we can just keep talking about it and keep learning and growing and changing together because that's something from that's something I've always seen with your relationship with mom.

And I love that so much.

And so I I take things that I love and I've seen that worked and you've been so consistent.

I'm like, OK, I'm going to look for that and the kind of guy that I'm going to marry and date.

And I just breaks my heart to see other people that don't even know their dad.

Because when I when are you going to have this chance to see?

That's the great thing about growing up is you get to see how other people live their lives and then value the outcome of it and then make your own decisions of it.

It's beautiful.

Build that relationship.

So priceless.

Awesome.

OK.

Thanks.

Anything else?

Nope.

Good.

Thanks you guys for being here.

Love it.

I love.

I love being a girl.

Dad.

It's the best.

And there's something spectacularly unique and special about having daughters.

I mean, having boys is great.

Having sons is great, but it's it is so not the same.

And having daughters is is an awesome privilege.

And and I've just been so grateful.

What a blessing.

So gentlemen, if you have daughters, what a blessing, what an absolute blessing.

Well, this was awesome.

It was great, insightful.

And then there's so much to do and we have to keep levelling up and keep doing the difference.

And, and that's literally, gentlemen, why I created the tools and compiled all the stuff into the be the Man master class and put in the tribe.

It's on the Be the Man app.

It's all there just for those reminders and the tools, the tactics, the systems, the strategies, so we can be optimized.

Because we've got to be on our game consistently in order to love and cherish, inspire and raise our daughters.

So thanks, fellas, for listening.

Love you guys.

Be the man.