#40 Getting Your Business to Work For You, with Skylar Lewis

Man, I love this stuff.

Get to do this every day, it's amazing.

All right, gentlemen, today's guest is Skylar Louis.

He is the founder of rise up Kings.

He's a CEO of some 7 and 8-figure come He's, he's a Christian coach and speaker and author and he helps men rise up to their god-given potential, it, man.

We have an awesome conversation today.

They just moved out to Texas.

Got a couple boys are there homeschooling now and he has just figured out some amazing systems for life and business.

And he's got a business that's really running itself.

He just checks in with it each week, but it was he talks through the strategies are and it's true for business and is true for life.

Life where we can set up systems these habits these patterns, and we track them.

And then, you know, every time he stepped away, you're going to love a story of tiny steps away.

There was something that would slip and so you have set back in and figure it out, get it totally dialed in and then track it right?

And get everything going.

So that it worked without him and then he could focus on the things that matter most in his passion and his life purpose, just just an incredible story.

So many great principles in here of how we can get our lives.

Just really, I'll then we can simplify it and document and then duplicate and not leave things to chance.

Like so many of us do and we talked about was skills to gain and how to implement them how to get them in place and how to make them happen we we talk about rewriting your goals and seeing more reality and and then even leaning into your new reality and being prepared for you know the war of life we talked about some of the most common problems alms among men right now and the underlying causes and what to do about it, you're going to love this episode.

Let's jump in.

All right.

Skyler super excited to have you here brother and to hear kind of your journey.

You, you got a cool story and your book behind you will talk about your book too.

But this cool story of move and building your life and your business, all we can dive into a bunch of it.

But why don't you want to start by just giving us a bit of your background in kind of your story where you, where you started?

My story.

Yeah, I got a, I got a lot of stuff in there, so, I mean, I guess, I guess I'll start out.

I grew up in a place, called Hemet, California, and small town, and kind of grew up on the other side of the tracks.

And, yeah, I just kind of always had a desire to be successful.

I don't know.

There's I feel like some people have that and they just underlying desire they have that ambition to go create or to go to go prove themselves.

And so I felt like I had to Prove myself.

A kind of I had a my parents got divorced when I was when I was four years old and yeah, man just kind of yeah, struggled, struggled, finding my identity and who I was as a kid and got bullied in school and hey yeah.

Yeah.

Ernie, what do you think?

Looking Back Now from from this perspective can you see something that was that it was it a driving factor to prove that you could do it or to try to stop it.

What what he felt like was part of the Writing Factor.

Yes, what I found is I mean I work with a lot of entrepreneurs and for entrepreneurs especially most of them have an underlying need to prove themselves for significance.

Right there searching to prove their significant like hey this is why I'm significant I'm going to go build a big business or I'm going to go have a cool, right?

I'm going to go be an influence on social media.

I'm going to go have a big house, a nice car.

I'm going to have these things.

And so what happens is they just learn to they strive to prove themselves this tried for significance, but what most of them don't realize it all stemmed from some childhood situation or instant something that came up for them were they didn't feel worthy, they didn't feel secure in themselves and so they decided hey, you know what?

I'm going to go show the world.

I'm going to go I'm going to go prove myself and it may be underlying like for many people they don't even know that's driving them but it's a beautiful thing.

When you can get to a place where Proving your significance, no longer drives you, and you're driven by purpose instead and that's a powerful place to live in because then you're not, you just have free choice at that point.

You're not, you're not being chained to having to do something for your significance.

Yeah.

And so, it's almost like kind of the chip on your shoulder thing.

You kind of can take the chip off your shoulder and Chase greatness, right?

With a purpose and a vision.

And there's this, the Um, instead of it's almost I totally get it because I was saying thing, right?

The the divorce early on with my parents divorce and we were just broke and I just was I have this desperation as hunger to get out of it.

But then you're right, once you transition over, then there's this this freedom in this piece, where you can still Chase it but it's a different driving force.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure and you meant you mentioned greatness.

It's interesting.

The My personal purpose statement, which I came up with about, maybe seven years ago is to inspire others to reach for the greatness that exist in themselves through personal development in a closer relationship, with Jesus.

And so, like, I'm all about pursuing greatness, and it was interesting.

I met with a pastor one of the largest churches out here in Texas, like two days ago and I shared that with them and I haven't really sat back and reflected on that a lot on that statement, any kind of called out the the greatness side of it.

He's like interesting greatness.

He's like, it's like, do you believe you believe that greatness is inside each person and so, because if you're a Christian, you inherently believe that.

Hey, there were not there is no greatness inside of us.

We Christ is what brings that in.

And so, anyway, he actually checked me, he was, he was probing kind of digging in.

It was funny.

The first time, first time, everybody's real anybody's really dug into my right, my life purpose, right?

And so I may be shifting that word around right to Excellence because greatness has become Kind of a word.

I feel like everyone's pursuing greatness.

I mean it's a cool word but it's gotten, so the term, right?

It's like we're all trying to be great as opposed to love, right?

And go and go serve, right and go and then and tap into that.

So I maybe I maybe exploring shifting.

My my statement, that's good, it's good to think through that.

My thought has been like we were God created us.

With that spark of divinity.

And so that's kind of been my definition around.

Chasing greatness has is chasing that potential that that God has put in us with the intent to be a great force for good in the world.

That's good, man.

This is, It's good to think through that.

Yeah, yeah, it was interesting because, right?

Because if Christ is in us, like he's the greatness, right?

These.

The all right, in the Bible talks about there's no goodness in us right without Christ.

And so he's he is the goodness, he's the Greatness like so we can pursue being the best versions of ourselves without Christ.

But I think with with with Christ we that that's where truly we get a tap into a whole nother, level of power and yeah yeah yeah, and so much more for good.

Totally.

Yeah.

Yeah and I think back on that living on purpose that I feel like so many so many of us are just yeah against striving and not not understanding where and there's people probably listen to your podcast that It's like so what I've learned to do with my purpose statement.

As I've learned to check all the opportunities at the door of that statement.

Yeah so if anything doesn't align with that statement, right then I will not do it so I get business opportunities all the time but if they're not in alignment with what I'm supposed to be doing and where should be spending my time, like all cut them out because I know, I'm only have so much time.

So I'm going to use my time fulfilling like why I'm here as opposed to finding these offshoots.

That give me excited.

You know, and so that's just a little nugget.

If somebody does decide to tap in and search out, like, hey, why am I here?

What?

And then if I could isolate it to a sentence school, now, you have something that can be your filter on what opportunities you take like is it in alignment with what you were designed to do?

Or is it just a good money making opportunity or or something fun, like a go do stuff that's in alignment with why you are here and that's a genius framework to operate from because it makes decision making that much Easier.

So where you can let you use it like a filter like every opportunity that comes to the door, so I will just.

Does this fit with who I want to be, how I want to do life, the standards I've established.

And if it doesn't it's a no right?

And if it is great.

Let's let's consider it.

Hmm, totally yeah.

That's a big one.

Okay, let's let's Circle back more to your story.

We barely made it across the tracks.

So you get in, like, get it and you became an entrepreneur, a businessman yourself where you always did, you always want to do that?

Yeah, yeah, I talked about it in my book, but yeah, I've met I've always and I feel like a lot of entrepreneurs, they've started small businesses, kind of early on, like a lot of them, not all of them but for me, I started, I started selling candy like in high school but before that I was, I was doing lawn work and I was I mean I had I probably had 10 different businesses before I was 18, that I had started and launched tried to make successful.

And so yeah, I kind of have that in my blood.

I just love creepy, I love Love providing value.

And so I yeah, yeah.

So I've ever since I can remember I've loved my mom actually.

I've always I always loved to compete now that I'm thinking about it.

I grew up in a little mobile home and the way I'd bring my friends over, it's just the memories coming back to me.

And I would we'd we'd play cards.

We played cards and I would always bet and I always get them to bring pennies so that they could, I was probably like eight years old so that we could actually bet for pennies.

And so I like I was oh I just loved.

I loved the hustle.

I guess I love the I loved, I don't know.

I don't yeah.

I just I enjoyed well actually maybe I enjoyed winning so maybe winnings in my blood too.

Yeah, it's interesting that I've had I've had some awesome conversations with with coaching clients and friends about that.

Like there's something there's something about winning and and achieving right and we these high Achievers he just gets Get hit in seven.

It's, it is.

It's, it's for well, can be fulfilling and gratifying and exciting.

So when when did things finally just really take off for you and just hit it?

Yeah, it didn't, it didn't happen.

I mean, I'll tell you when things really got messed up and then I'll share with you when you were in that when they took off.

But I was yeah, I kind of hit, I hit rock bottom.

So I started a couple businesses.

I got my real estate license when I was 18.

So all my friends were out partying.

I was studying for my real estate license.

God, when I was eight Teen tried to sell real estate for a year.

Didn't sell one house.

Nobody wants to buy a house from a from a little punk, 18 year old kid.

But but so yeah, just struggled and so got into Financial Services.

Did loans did a bunch of stuff related to that and then I ended up to struggling, man.

I was trying to find my way ended up losing all the money that I had, I filed for bankruptcy and lost everything.

I remember I was renting a room.

For my friends, not even my friend.

It was a couple college kids.

I was renting a room from them and man they would save money on electricity by shutting off the heat to the whole house.

Like during the nights, the cold nights and so I'd be sitting in my room freezing and I remember one day I told my dad about that and then a week later he shows up knocks on the door shows up to this house the kids show them where my room is and he shows up and he's brought me a little space heater when he knows a little space heaters you can kind of plug-in.

So he Gave me one of those and I did I remember just the joy that I have.

Like, I'm so thankful for this space heater, like this is like the best gift ever guy because I had sold everything I had.

I all I had was a bed in there and that was actually about the time I met my wife.

Jessica was at that time so I met her, my future running wife.

I met her at my rock bottom, like bottom struggling, lost everything.

And and then I think I feel like when I met her stuff really shifted and they Say hey, your women, women really bring out the best in man.

I feel like they they completely do it.

So accurate unless you got a crazy woman they could bring out the worst in me.

So yeah, yeah.

So it depends on who you're working with but a good woman, right?

A good woman.

My my uncle always said, if you can find a woman that like wouldn't even kill a bug.

That was like, that kind hearted like just that kind hearted.

You got to Merrier.

And so Jessica happened to be one of those women that was like, just really kind like just a genuinely authentic kind person.

So when I first met her out on the Dance Floor, I could tell immediately that I was in love, not just because of her outfit.

But I could tell she was a kind person, also.

And how old were you when I was 20?

I think it's about 22 23.

Okay, yeah.

And where you were you in?

Church then where you Christian where, you know.

Yeah, I grew up a Christian but I would know man, I was out party.

I was out hooking up with women as much as I possibly could.

I mean all, I mean as much as I could, yeah, just on a bad path, really bad path.

And so I wasn't really going to church at that time.

I walked away, I grew up Christian but then I just found myself being pretty hypocritical by the way, I acted.

And so I figured hey, you know what?

I don't want to give God a bad name, so I'm just gonna not even talk about God and kind of do my own thing, right?

And so I just walked, I walked away.

I said yeah, it's a distance myself.

Yeah, because I'd be at, I'd be in my high school gym, you know, Jam getting girls to flash me.

But then, I'd be carrying my Bible around the high school.

Like, I was the kid that carried his Bible around and so I was just, it was just a bad deal, all around, just a bad deal.

So, so yeah, so anyway, so not when I, when I met Jessica like she, she had just found Jesus.

I knew who Jesus was It was.

And so, we started going to church and tastic.

So it was really she was a big Catalyst.

Yeah.

For a major turning point.

Yeah.

I'd like to say it was something else but no, it was, it was finding an amazing woman and wanted to correct my path.

Okay.

So then from there, what happens, what?

What starts to change?

Yeah, yeah.

I just gotta, I mean, we I was doing there was a I started looking for different opportunities to make money.

I remember I was driving and I was driving with Jessica.

I was dead broke.

She had a nice BMW, she had her own condo, she was actually very successful and then and I was I had an opportunity had.

I was at a Crossroads and I could either go get a job.

I haven't had a job in years.

Like I mean, since I was like 16 or I could go borrow some money from somebody and go start.

Little business and I believed, I knew a good marketing method to start doing low modifications when they were starting back in the day.

And so I asked her while we were driving in the BMW.

I said, hey, can I borrow a thousand bucks?

Like, we were probably, like three weeks in to dating and she hid it up, lending me a thousand bucks.

And I found out later, she had told all of her friends, she would never date a guy that would ask to borrow money from her.

So I guess I had the Charisma or the charm or something, or I got lucky or she was desperate one.

It's 2 or 3.

Mm.

So so anyway so I borrowed a thousand bucks and yeah started bought some mailers started sending out.

Mailers had a really good Law Firm that was back that I would be able to send these loan modifications through and then bought 1000 mailers.

And then closed one low modification, send more Out, close to Morse and more I can reinvesting.

All the money and within, I mean, within three months, we had moved to from Temecula to Carlsbad San Diego.

And hired.

Our first employee she was Helping out hired our second and then we scaled it within a year all the way to 2020.

We had 20 reps at our call center.

So I was about 24 with 20 reps.

We're doing a little over, like a million and a half in Revenue, that that year.

And so, so I had the skills, I had a new market, and new sales.

I just hadn't found the right place to, to be able to do that.

We ended up selling that business and then move back to Temecula and started a started a carpet cleaning company because my dad had been in the industry and I believed I knew how to That some tastic then, what if I love emphasizing stories like this because where you were to them where you got within 12 to 18 months or even 24-month, the like, it doesn't take long to totally turn around a life.

It doesn't know.

It doesn't when you have concentrated effort.

Yeah, it does not.

That's so cool.

So then, this new business is that the business that you still own this carpet cleaning business.

The, as I launched a launch support, Pure cleaning in Temecula and then we we scale that fast.

I mean, a bond within it, within 3-4 months.

We had a couple of Vans within a year we have, like, we have five Vans going.

We grew at a couple million in Revenue, like very, very quickly and ended up.

We had, we had one of our.

So my, my Visions always be that my vision has always been to have a company that could run itself.

I always wanted to have a business that could run on its own without me.

And so I thought I got the Into that place, where about two years in, and we were two years in and we're we've, I was like cool, we're here.

And so what we're like, hey, let's go on a cruise.

And so we decided to go on a week and a half long cruise.

And while we were there, I felt this urge that one of our, my office manager.

Just I didn't fully trust her and so I told Jessica, I said, hey babe, do you trust do trust Nicky like our office manager like I trust her mostly but there's something about I don't trust And she said, I have that same Vibe and so I said okay well here's the deal.

I don't I don't want anybody working for us that we don't completely trust and so we need to move on from her so we got back and then we fire her on the spot when we got back and then about a week later or two weeks later, my office manager came in my new one, Stephanie who I promoted.

She was the assistant promoter to office manager when we let Nicky go and then she came into our office and she had this distraught look on her face.

And she was just Okay, I need to talk to you guys.

I've been calling to collect money from the clients and all of them have said they've already paid us but there's no account for any of the money that they paid.

And so, I guess Nikki had been embezzling for almost a year from us right under our nose.

I can, we had trusted this lady.

We let her watch our kid, a certain point.

I mean, we like put a lot on her and so it was just a huge lesson.

Man, that a keep your eye on the ball and be Be like don't work with people.

You don't trust, like, if you don't trust them.

And there's some Vibe you got to figure out.

Hey, what's the reason I don't trust them, or if you don't trust them, don't do business with them.

Huge Learning lesson for us.

And also, make sure you have proper checks and balances and your company right for with accounting and bookkeeping and everything tied into that.

So we ended up shutting the whole carpet cleaning division down and we just launched Superior restoration which was a water and fire restoration company and we've had that for now about 12 years.

Fantastic.

And that's the company that.

Yeah.

So that companies in, I'm in Texas, out here in Dallas and that companies in California that runs on its own.

So that's what the book was based off of.

When I wrote that book, two years ago, I was doing two days a week and now we've now I've gotten I moved to Texas this year this last year.

And so now it's about an hour a week.

I meet with my executive team over zoom and then I go out there once a quarter.

I was just out there last month, once a quarter to meet with the team for a day and the thing fully raised even more More profitable.

Actually without me like when you find the right team members, and you get the right processes in place.

If your company can run many times better without you, then with you present.

Like it seems crazy to even think that but it's a totally a reality.

Like if you do that right, I know you do a lot of, you know, you teach different things, kind of tied into that.

And so it's just if you do it there, if you take the time to build it right, it will Thrive.

But most people spend more I'm working in the business and they do on it and they're out watching Netflix and their BS and doing all this stupid stuff.

I don't we don't watch TV.

So I'm out studying and learning and developing my craft.

Yes.

And we're going to get into all that because you become a master of systems and obviously you've got some habits in place that facilitate all that.

I want to Circle back to this trust thing.

How do besides just like sensing it?

Like how do you measure trust?

How do you, how do you, how do you have some kind of process?

Is like because you're right.

Trust trust is the key element especially if you're trying to walk away from you, step out of your business and let it run or in any any any business relationship?

Any relationship you have.

You have a process for Feeling out, trust.

Yeah, that's great.

Well, it's interesting.

We talk about our intuition, right?

So the intuition how that works in relation to trusting people is our brain, our subconscious brain stores, little bits of information.

Every time we have an interaction with somebody, it's storing where they're looking their facial expression.

If they're smiling or not, if what what they're doing, if their shoulders are down and what happens is, if we get betrayed even as a kid by somebody, our brain subconsciously locks in The patterns of that person and so over tens of thousands of interactions through a lifetime, your intuition can become pretty strong.

Like, there's something about this person, I just don't know what it is.

Most of the time you won't know, but your subconscious is like, the way that guy looked the way you talked.

It's, he's lying, right?

Something's off.

And so our mind knows our conscious mind.

Doesn't.

And so so I but you have to be careful because sometimes there could be a trustworthy person that maybe has Some mannerisms that they picked up when they were untrustworthy before.

And so you got to be careful.

Your intuition may not always be right?

But we have to learn.

So I've learned to trust my intuition that if there's something about the person more often than not, I can feel something's up.

Chances are either that person's untrustworthy or that relationship, maybe won't serve me.

So I trust my intuition when it comes to interacting with people and then I also don't give them too much right out if I'll start small and just not dump everything.

As an example, I just hired a new assistant.

I'm not going to, I'm not going to give them everything.

I'm Gonna Keep a short leash and make sure that person, make sure I can fully trust them because there's, there's a couple different versions of trust.

There's immature trust, which is like what a kid has.

Hey, you're my dad.

I'm going to trust you that you're going to do everything the right way.

Chances are you're going to have your trust broken by your parents.

So there's an immature trust and there's a mature trust.

So mature trust is Ting.

Mature, trust is different mature.

Trust says, you will betray me.

At some point you're going to let me down.

I know it's a fact at some point.

You're going to let me down.

That's a mature trust, right?

To believe the immature says, oh, if they told me they'll never lie to me, they'll never lie to me.

That's immature, that's not reality, right?

Life situations happen, people.

People shift, people change their most likely will be a time that your best friend will hurt you.

Right, right.

And so it's not like hey, you broke my trust.

It's what level of trust are you at?

Are you Immaturely trusting people that you just go by the word or mature, trust stays in close contact with people and can gauge, you know, what this person starting to become untrustworthy and watching their behavior.

I'm watching the interaction with me.

There's a chance that guy may break my trust, right?

So, I'm mature in my relationships, with trust.

I know I know with you, right?

Even if we had a tight relationship at some point, you could break my trust.

I'm not going to be distraught, but I'm going to keep a close enough I in our relationship to make sure.

I'm showing up you're showing up and we can have that that's solid relationship and I'm not thrown off guard.

When you lie about something, or something happens right.

Here is paying attention.

Exactly.

And a lot of people, they once they once they feel like they trust someone, they take their eye off like okay, I can trust him.

I'm not going to verify anything anymore.

No be mature about it, like people will break your trust.

Yeah, that's awesome.

And in the way, one of the things I love to look at with trust is this the idea of both?

Tense and character.

It characters likes.

Good person to try to do the right thing and then competence of like the ability to do the task.

Can you trust them in both of those areas and with both of them?

Yeah, you're watching it and have that that maturity in the relationship.

I love that.

So break that down one more time.

That was, that was good.

So it's character and competence.

So like I totally trust my wife's character, but I wouldn't trust her to do.

Surgery on my shoulder, right?

Just like now you do have the confidence to do that but if I know she's good at A thing and she's a good person that for me is like that's that's that perfect Venn diagram of like boom.

Got it character and competence so each person has their role what they're what they're capable of doing well and then just character is a genuinely good person.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's good.

Okay then then I know you become a master of systems.

Walk us through that man.

How did you?

I'm sure there was some trial and error in that and you and I figured out but like systems for everything.

They are everything.

What I realized is that early on is that if I, if I left it up to my team members to be able to remember everything and to make sure all the little pieces of my business Thrive.

Then I'm it just, I was let down so many times and so many of my businesses that I realized people are imperfect, they're going to forget to do things.

So then I started to put guard rails in place like uh how do I make sure this happens?

We single time, right?

And so I started to build these processes to make sure that my team members could fit inside of them and that they could follow the same process, right?

They talk about McDonald's all the time and it's funny McDonald's is a restaurant, right?

In a restaurant.

I mean, they're one of the hardest businesses to run.

And so, like they've they've mastered processes.

Can it can a 19 year-old, right?

They get 19 year-old managers that run the entire restaurant can a 19 year old kid.

Run your business.

It's like, well, no then you are no.

Like you have a lot of work to do around processes, how do you take a 19 year old and run a multimillion-dollar restaurant?

And yet we're struggling to have somebody show up on the it's just it's kind it's kind of a mess and so we're yeah, I'm all about processes and so what does that mean?

Though it means anything that you can do that, you can find a way to simplify oh kind of a formula, simplify right?

The first part of developing a A process is to simplify the process.

So if you have an incoming call or ask build simplify what set on that incoming call that first called your client, or maybe it's an incoming marketing call, simplify what the person says, then document it right simplify then document and then duplicate it.

So documented with Sops and then duplicate that same process over and over again.

That's how you scale that is the process to scaling is Hugo.

Hugo, duplicate you duplicate, what processes you have?

And then you go scale.

Those processes over either regions or locations or inside your business.

That's awesome.

So it's simplified document and duplicate.

Yeah.

And is this something like you?

You personally would go through and went through dis got it dialed in.

And then you train train, the people take over.

Is that cool?

Yeah, so, that was one of the, first things I did was a in my business.

Was, I wanted to find a way that I could start stepping out of it, and so I, but every time I stepped out of the business processes kept breaking down and so I realized they weren't actually processes.

They were, they were just people doing tasks.

It was, it wasn't like a duplicatable process.

And so, I would just say, hey, make sure right.

Make sure you fill out this checklist after every job.

That's not a complete process because then when I leave and I'm not paying attention, then they're like I'm not going to do that.

So, part of having a good process, Is having oversight over the process so that like that like is the bow on top that that encapsulate, it encapsulates, the whole process, you got to have some type of oversight.

And so I use a lot of dashboards in my company.

So how dashboards that?

Show me to make sure all the, all the processes are still running.

Hey, did we get all the checklists from all the jobs today, right?

I want one report, I can pull that shows all the checklists for all the jobs are now in the folder with the jobs.

So, like I make sure That that I have the all of the processes have a report to see and to make sure the process is are being followed.

And so I started building that because my wife, she wanted to live by the beach and so we ended up moving to the beach away from the company.

And so we were an hour away.

And so I decided to only work four days a week instead of five days.

So that for that fifth day, I had to have some type II need to be able to see and make sure everything was still running.

And so I started to have Ports and kind of what I call dashboards to check in on the processes in tastic and imagine you still do that today.

There are no yeah no so I log in it.

Yeah Dallas I got I got a scoreboard.

I can pull up right now that has every part of the whole business, I can tell, we're cash flow is where sales around where Business Development activities are.

I see every piece of the whole company on one on one document.

That I can one Cloud spreadsheet that I can see everything so essentially in a moment, because you've trained yourself, And you know what?

You're looking for in a moment you can put a finger on the pulse and see where it's at.

Yep, exactly.

Yeah, it's even color-coded.

So if one of the numbers is low, it turns red.

And then that way, I know, okay, I got to check in with the hey, shoot a little email, hey, what's going on with this and then that process restarts again and, you know, and so if it's slow down, or if it stopped, if it's not working properly, it's a machine.

So, we're really building a machine that's what in business, that's what we're doing.

We're building, I think of it as a gearbox, right?

We have all these gears.

Yes.

And then the the machine is all these gears and they're all running smoothly and right and normally they'll people are hand cranking each each gear.

But if you do it right, you can hand crank one gear, right?

Which is a CEO or your team and then all the gears move and that's the way like each gear.

Those a process, you have to take the time to go build each gear and to make sure your sales process, your your cash collection process works.

Well, write it, it's all, it's all a process.

This is not just something people do one off.

Like and I tell my team, if you're going to send an email to a client, don't just send one email.

Make sure if you're going to, if it's not if it's different from what you would normally would send Don't send it.

Turn it into like a process where we can use that same email every time.

Now, that's all that's all building the processes.

If we take it in the simplest form, like as an example we put on events here at the property and I was emailing, we had our assistant that or our event assistant, that would constantly email people to verify, they had their hotel booked, she shoot an email out.

Hey, just want to make sure you got your hotel booked and I told her to hey stop.

How do we make sure that email?

Goes out automatically to everybody every time and so now when someone signs up for our event they get an automatic email has your hotel booked if they don't respond back?

Yes.

They get another email a week later and until they have to respond.

Yes.

It actually goes into our system and then it goes to another email, how you finish your intake form?

And then, so now, we've like automated all the processes to where it's just not one off emails that can because we can forget, I will forget.

And actually, that's one of the reasons I built this stuff.

I'm I'm I'm not I we used to not be that detailed.

I would miss details and Miss stuff.

My wife is amazing but I would miss detail.

So I started building guardrails around myself like how do I make sure I don't miss that detail.

Yeah right.

I think about what we're bowling right on the bumper, right?

You got to put the bumpers up so it just, it's like, how do you make it?

So you can't fail.

And I even do that with team members.

If I have a team member, that's a quality guy, but that sucks it in details, I'll go build bumpers around him and to make it so he can be successful.

I won't just fire the guy because he's missing details.

I'll build processes around him, right?

Take take the right guy in the right seat and build a processes to help him succeed.

Hmm.

So you can't feel.

I love that.

Totally, that's awesome man.

And then, well, just that I want to emphasize that that just that simple email example.

So instead of having a team member doing that every time for every person that signs up again, and again, again that adds up that's just turns into wasted money, down the road over.

Years ago, doing that, and where you just take it to a process automated, man.

Now, they free up time and space and energy, and resources for all kinds of other stuff.

Hmm, huge exactly.

How does this mean?

You get to work with men every day all the time from all different kinds of backgrounds?

How does this, this this idea of processes and systems in business?

How does that play over into the life of a man?

Like physical mental, emotional, spiritual Real social Financial.

How's great fit into life?

Yeah, I love a great question.

So, yeah.

At our, we have our events right at rise up, kings are three day events.

And what we do is with these events, we teach them kind of our philosophy, and I've seen all the guys coming up with different different things.

And so it's so we've taken process in business and we've built it into a man's personal personal life.

Yeah.

And so I have I looked it up.

I looked it up in 2014.

I started tracking on a spreadsheet for areas of my life.

I think I called it spiritual business social, there's a couple of couple and I started every single day.

I started tracking the daily behaviors.

That would get me results in those lives in those areas and so I have the spreadsheet from 2014 all the way till the last six years until until I build my app two years ago.

And so I so basically what we do is we teach Teach man.

Hey you, if there's a system to showing up with power, there's a system to growing closer with God.

There's a process.

There's these daily disciplines like, working out daily like reading, your Bible, daily investing in your marriage daily, like doing these things every single day.

And so, we have something called the four pillars, which I think you may have something kind of similar to that.

But it's Faith, Family, Fitness, and finance.

And so we've narrowed them down to four and so we have different ways to invest in those every single day.

And it's proven to be very fruitful.

We have about 250, guys, in our Mastermind, we after the event, we got an opportunity to invite him to a mastermind.

And these guys do it every day, we have a whole lap, there's a whole leaderboard.

There's a whole process for all this stuff and no joke.

Like I get guys regularly, that text me and say, hey, just just the four pillars of investing daily has changed my life.

Like I'm more, I'm a better husband.

I'm more physically fit, I'm closer with God, like, I'm showing up Up.

And so that is huge.

And the reason I built this was because I was I was so inconsistent like I would work out three or four days but then I'd go take a week off.

I would read the Bible three or four days and then I'd fall off.

Like I was just so inconsistent that I started to have to track track these things.

And so I started tracking these everyday, like if I could get one skill in an inn for your listeners, right?

If you can get one skill and build one habit, Or two, I would say wake up.

Early is one of the waking up.

Early is one of the best habit you can possibly have, and then tracking your habits, like opening up a spreadsheet or a nap or whatever you have every day.

But, but making that a lifelong commitment with the cool thing is, like, whatever you track improves like anything.

And so the right now, I'm not even kidding.

So if you're not working out at all, And you start tracking working out and you don't stop tracking it though.

Even though you do a 0000 like you're not working out.

It's a zero, every day.

I do zeros and ones ones.

If I work out eventually you'll be like this is freaking stupid.

I'm just going to go work out today.

I'm tired.

It's been two months since I put zeros, right.

So as long as you have the habit of tracking, you can pretty much add anything on there and it will improve like you will anything.

Anything.

So in my business, anything I start tracking it starts improving any metric and start tracking just by the fact of tracking it.

Yes, exactly.

Now, I met with this.

This he was a sports psychologist but he was working with, like, the most elite military forces in the world.

And we were talking, this is years ago and he's like, look, I tell my guys to read literally rewrite, their top goal every single day, he says, because only one of two things will happen, either your stop writing your goals.

Or you'll achieve it every morning you just so good.

Touch it.

Touch it, right?

And that's exactly what I'm about there.

The zero of the one every day and it's gonna do something either going to stop tracking or you're going to start getting results.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's interesting on that know, regarding run your goal down.

We, it's the subconscious mind very powerful.

They can go achieved a lot.

If we just tip, if we directed our subconscious mind, like it sees things, we don't see, I got we do some stuff at our event where we show the guys.

They don't actually see reality.

Like, there's stuff in the room, they don't even know is in the room, but they're like, yeah, no.

I see everything.

Actually, you see, like, 20% of the world or 10% of the world, you're not seeing the entire world.

And so what happens is when you write down your goal or you reread your gold daily, it helps your sub.

Cut your subconscious forgets daily.

So every single day your subconscious forgets, what?

It's supposed to go after.

And so if you were, you have to remind the daily, you have to remind your mind.

Daily of what Supposed to go conquer but it's supposed to be going after and so writing it down is a great.

That's a great way to do that.

Highly recommend that you keep paying attention to the Target.

So let's let's dive in a little bit more like what's, what's early for you personally?

And I know everyone's going to have kind of a different schedule, a different different set of what's early for you and do you have do you have some specific routines?

You follow rituals maybe yeah yeah I'm a huge.

I mean, huge virtual guy when it comes to morning routines.

So, I wake up at either four or five.

I was doing 4:00 for like years, I just switched over to 5:00 for a couple months.

I'll probably go back to 4.

So, I wake up at either four or five.

So, I wake up, I go, grab my coffee, I sit on the couch.

I Bible's right there, I read the Bible, I pray my laptop.

Sara opened after that.

I opened, my laptop.

I review my goals for the day, I review my affirmations and then I check off a couple things on my, on my app.

And so, I'll go through.

That whole process.

It takes me.

It takes me about 45 minutes and then I'm ready.

And then I'll usually go do something for my wife.

I'll make her coffee or I will prepare her Keurig right.

I'll get because she's not awake and so I'll go get a copy set up.

I'll clear out the water.

I'll put a little love note.

I'll do something for her in the morning.

And then by by 5:00, if I woke up at 4, it's about an hour and I'll have I'll go work out.

So I'll go do my my workout and then I'm done by six, usually.

So I'm you accomplished, usually the Four.

Pillars by about 6:00 6:30, every morning.

So that's my that's my exact routine.

I do every single every single day though gold, you've already addressed mind body and spirit before most people who can wake up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's just nice because when you I got ya now I've been doing that maybe about five years now like every day so it's yeah.

So that's that's my routine at the end everybody.

And I used to push a specific routine but pick a routine and just go for it, right?

That's like what each person's a little different.

Those things though will.

Hope you show up with more power, but yeah, yeah, it to each their own, right?

Find something that works and just go with it.

Yeah, it turns the power on out of curiosity give you have a favorite place you like to read in the Bible?

Yeah, it's on my couch I said on my couch in the morning so that's awesome to wear at school and you have it all set up, right?

Your system set up there but like in the Bible you have a certain section of favorite book.

Yeah, well I love ya.

I used to love Proverbs I'm still that's one of my Favorite books, but Proverbs is great.

And I think I think just the The Gospel, Matthew Mark, Luke and John, I love, I take that back.

It's definitely acts and Romans are my favorite and favorite books.

I can spend.

I can spend a lot of time in there and really there's just so much wisdom and just just watching how the early church got started and the struggles they had and the trials and also James one of my favorite Bible verses is James 1, 2, 3 & 4.

It's consider it pure joy.

My brothers, whenever you face Trials of many kinds for, you know, that the testing of your faith, develops perseverance, and perseverance.

Must finish its work.

So you may be mature and complete not lacking anything, right?

Consider it pure joy.

When you have Trials of many kinds like it's just so it's just so backwards backwards to what society says societies, like it be comfortable.

Go for retirement, like this in your life up.

So it's Easy, no, consider it Joy.

Actually, when you have trials as made, that's what that's what the Bible is telling us.

And so, like, I want to, I just got these things hold on.

I don't know if you've seen these, like, I just tried these out last week.

Oh man, this is intense.

It's probably one of the most painful things I've done it for you.

They are Nate.

These are very sharp nails you stand on them so I did three minutes ago.

Thanks, you're standing up all your body weight on, like y'all, your body weight on these?

Yeah.

Very painful.

Very, very painful.

And so I did 10 minutes, like three days ago and and you have, it's no longer I'm preparing my mind for Warfare.

I am preparing my mental.

My mental.

I Be strong.

I need to be prepared.

I don't want to be soft when I run into a trial and I'm like, why God?

Yep, why did you give me this trial of, you know, my wife struggling or maybe cancer in my family or, I mean, you could name anything.

So I want, I'm mentally and emotionally preparing myself like, hey, I can take it and physically, you start with a physical Catalyst to get the mental emotional, spiritual strength.

Yeah.

Because they were quite, it's all, it's all like, yeah, it's physical pain, right?

But it's all mental, like you do too.

Cystic past 1 minute on these things is a mental is a mental battle, I guess.

I gotta be the guy though, so you gotta try them but they're pretty bad.

Like I yeah.

My video guy, he brought him and he's like, you gotta try these and I'm like, shoot.

Okay, here we go.

That's what held?

Yeah, that's cool.

No, but it's right and I love that you were quoting from that and you committed those things to memory.

We actually have a little book.

Same thing with our kids, we memorize poems.

Quotes scriptures getting those things as a family in our family devotionals.

You memorize those with one things.

So I committed to learn a new language every five years, just become fluent in a new language.

And as soon as I get a base, I go and I go through the gospels in that new language, many times, I can't, oh, wow, helps so much to get, get a fluency increase.

So, I just went through, I went through the gospels like four or five times in French, all right, it's just it.

It's one of the steps in language.

So I was just curious, you gotta go, learn some Latin, heavy chose Latin, yet that be a that be, that would be an incredible to read the Bible right in that order.

And then you know, in the dream world, you're even studying the original Greek or something that.

Yeah, yeah, we were in Greece.

Like I said, a couple weeks ago and they're just just, it's just incredible to.

Yeah, yeah, we went saw Mars Hill.

Yeah.

And got to see where Paul spoke and acts and it's just a really amazing.

You've done a lot of traveling, I think a lot more than I have, but we how we want to go to Turkey and then we want to go check out for ends and there's a few different places.

Obviously Israel is on our list, Israel's amazing, turkeys amazing.

Is it?

Yeah yeah, yeah.

I can't wait.

Yeah.

And it's so fun when you can have that connection to a place and In this instance, the Bible or a book or some lesson or something, you're learning and then connect it and do it, the kids.

So pre-recording fellas, we were talking about traveling with the kids and and like home education and stuff like that.

And it's just when you can connect that mental framework in the scaffolding for kids.

And for us, when we're learning, and then be in the ground and like, touch the place, it's a man is transformational where have you traveled with the kids?

So we've been a week, taking our kids too. 35 countries so far, but here's the crazy thing we asked the kids I'm like, hey, what do you want to do Christmas this year?

And there they just were like, let's do Norway.

Like Norway and critics like you to be cold and freezing their yeah, let's go.

So then we're going to Norway and then after that, we're like okay, well let's do something and my daughters had this crazy idea.

She's all video, one time of some guy just hitting all these countries and she's like, let's just do 15 countries.

I'm like that's exhausting, she's like, I don't want to do it but we figured out.

So right.

You train trip, from Norway through, Scandinavia down through Eastern, Europe on trains, backpacks and then all across Western Europe all the way over to Portugal and so it'll be 15.

More countries will add Melissa.

Like we're going to do that in January.

But how how old is your youngest, she's five.

Wow, that's that's intense.

That is intense.

It's awesome.

But she, she's already been she didn't like 20 countries, man, the little one.

It's just so sad that the extra So when we took him to Greece, yeah, the and then Budapest and they just got to see the different cultures.

It was it was pretty amazing.

Like we're I feel like we're hooked now.

That was it that was our first time doing an international trip with with both the kids.

So it's wow.

I'm a virgin compared to you.

Check that out. 30 35 countries.

This is cool.

You just experience right?

Take your boys there and they have that experience of seeing it whatever the food's the parks.

Would we go to the coolest places in the world and their kids be like Did have a park here like yeah.

Let's let's go to the park man.

Yeah, it didn't catch all of it but its formative and and it's such a cool experience to do that.

Yeah.

So alright, let's I want to, I want to shift back like, what are you seeing that?

That's not working for men.

What's what are some of the problems in the underlying causes?

Is your is your working closely with with all kinds of good men?

Like, what do you see?

Not there.

Well, what are men struggling with?

What's causing problems in their lives?

Yeah, yeah.

I would say.

I would probably say lack of authentic community.

For sure, like there's not a community that they're connected with, and a group of brothers, are they're connected with, or they can be very real with and share their darkest deepest, fears and concerns my God.

One of our one of our intake sheets.

We have a question.

Do you feel like anybody truly knows you and on the surface?

It's like, yeah, people know me.

In general, many men.

Don't feel like people truly know them.

The thing is we wear Yeah, we have these Mass, we have the nice guy mask, or we have the dick dick head mask.

Or we have these different masks that we wear that protect who we truly are.

And so if we never truly share our deepest fears and insecurities with our wife, our wife doesn't actually know us.

I was, I was in Greece and I've been making an effort to be as transparent.

I want to be, I want Jessica to see To know who she who she has as her man, right, I don't want to, I don't want any fakeness, I want full transparency.

I'm talking full transparency and so I was I was out at the beach right Europe all the freaking European bikini.

So everybody's walk on tons of women tiny thongs.

I mean I mean just a couple nude nude ladies and I noticed myself looking like I just kept I kept catching myself like wanting to look and looking and it sort of bothering me.

I feel like the second Third day.

It was, it was like really bothering me and so I ended up sharing with Jessica.

I'm like, hey, by the way?

Or she asked, she asked, if I asked her, if I could pray for anything that she asked, if there was anything that she could pray for, for me, and I said, yes, I'd love it.

If you prayed, I'm, I'm noticing myself looking at other women and, and, and look at them.

And that's not, obviously, that's all why I'm saying is I don't want to do that.

Yep.

And so, I've made it a point to be very transparent with her and share, if I look at porn, I mess up on something or and there's consequences to that, right?

It causes damage in the relationship.

It can.

It can hurt her feelings.

I mean, she took her a couple days to recover just from even that however, was going to ask about that because when you, when you have that kind of authenticity, it's not without consequence.

Yeah.

I know.

It's, you have, like, you have to have your relationship in a spot where he can handle that.

Yeah, you have to have your relationship in a spot and you have to be willing to risk, Risk your relationship to get it to the next level.

Mike and so the question is are you willing to risk your relationship to get it to the next level in your friendship?

Are you willing to call shit out the way it is, or do you not address those things?

So are you willing to risk have the relationship?

No longer be there to be authentic and a step in and to be real.

And to, with the intent of getting the relationship to the very next level.

And so, most relationships, never get to the next level because they're not willing to risk it.

Very scary when you talk about an intimate relationship, like a marriage and so when I, when I first met Jessica, I fell in love.

I knew she was the woman, like, I knew she was the woman.

I mean, everything I wanted and I committed to her that I would only date her like probably three or four months in the relationship, like, we were going fast and I made a huge deal out of it.

I got her all these flowers, I put one, white rose, all the red.

I said you're the only one for me.

I made this huge deal commit like overcommitted and then got a text message, one night when Jessica was away at an event, got a text message from my ex-girlfriend and she said, hey said, hey, do you want to meet up?

Crap.

Right.

Felt that initial adrenaline rush and dude made the stupidest decision and it up meeting with her having sex with her on the side of the road in our car and freaking dude, bad news, super bad news, but I was out, I was at a, I was at an event about an event.

I was doing something we're doing our marriage counseling.

Before we were about to get married, we're about to get married about a was about two months and the Pastor said you have want, here's your chance.

You have one opportunity to get Out on the table.

If you do not get everything out on the table, you're going to hold something inside.

It's going to take from the marriage.

Like you will you that will take up energy inside of you so I'm like damn it.

That's huge.

And so I ended up I ended up.

Yeah, so I said okay, like here's the deal, like, they can go 50/50 right now because she was very, I mean, did you cheat on her?

She was successful, I mean, could have easily meant the end of the marriage, but I remember sitting there as I shared and I'm like, here we go.

Like, this could literally mean the end of my dream.

My dream relationship were about to get married, but I was willing to risk.

Now, that I've never shared that part, tying it to willing to risk that relationship, I was willing to risk the relationship.

So I could be the best husband for her, right?

And so, I did, I saw I didn't have any energy inside of me.

Any guilt and shame that was holding me back.

Dude, that's huge.

Well, it just fits with the wording.

Like what?

You hold back in that way.

Will naturally hold back your marriage.

There are levels of love and connection that can't be had if you're if you're hiding something.

Hmm and it just the Fester's Andros there.

It does and it doesn't and I can imagine that had some consequences to oh, yeah, I know it's lasted, our entire marriage.

The consequences are done it.

Since I was 12 years ago.

So now, every time I bring something up, it triggers the the wound, right?

So it's, it's kind of just some, some on were both willing to live with it.

Just I mean we have an epic marriage.

I mean like I would call level 12 out of 10, it's fun and hard, and we go through the pain, but we just work through it quick.

Right.

Like it.

We're going to bring stuff up.

It's going to hurt.

We're going to hurt each other and then we're going to move on quickly and so it's yeah, yeah, it's they did know it did damage, it did a tremendous amount of damage to her heart, her soul, sharing that, and our marriage is probably better because of it.

Like, I don't know if our marriage would have this level of depth and transparency and honesty and vulnerability.

If that wouldn't, if it that would have not happened especially if you're trying to hide it all these years?

Yeah.

Hoping it doesn't come out of it.

Yeah, exactly.

Okay, what else?

What else is working in marriage, man?

Working in marriage.

You guys date.

Oh yeah, we do date nights every week, but today, not yesterday.

Yeah.

So we do date nights and we actually got to fight yesterday on our date night.

It was regarding that thing that in Greece, it came back up because I could tell she was unsettled, right?

And I wanted to address because I wanted her to get, I could tell there was something still there.

So, I brought it up again at dinner.

Ended up, we ended up going to bed at 8:00.

We're both tired and just the date.

I was shot and died.

Today, we woke up.

Up totally reconnected.

She wrote a long message.

And so, so what's working?

I would say communication is huge, right by being willing to, to have the hard conversations, it takes balls, it takes courage, it takes courage to have these really challenging conversations and then also, yeah, date nights.

Danites hundred percent danites.

We've been doing danites ever since.

We had our kids, right oldest is 10.

So 10 years ago we were doing I mean we We get it all the time before, but yeah, every single whole week, we've missed weeks, but in general every week, we do date night and connect.

It just allows we're so busy.

It just allows for that emotional intimacy and a lot of guys are craving sexual intimacy.

But guess what precedes sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy.

Talking real conversation with your wife and that conversational intimacy on a percent.

You happy because of that conversation, we had the night, wasn't it?

Actually we didn't do date night.

Last night was a night before because of that are we were kind of opened up that intimacy.

We ended up having sex that later that night, not the night that we had date night but the night before, we just it just brought it all together.

Right?

And but I could have avoided it and said, hey let's just move on, right?

Let's just move on, but no, it's having the hard conversations, rips US Open and create exposes us and creates emotional intimacy.

That that's what intimacy is into me.

I see intimacy so into me so we she wants to see inside of me.

She wants to know my darkness, my depth and I want to see inside a heard that's what intimacy is is like you see inside of them.

But most people have their walls built on and even have it from themselves.

They won't even face their own Abyss like well that we can get into like Carl Jung in the psychology, right.

Just walking up and facing the abyss and looking into the darkness and the void.

Boyd.

I think one thing that works so well for you.

I'm hearing you and definitely for us is quick recovery.

Like that's one thing we have just mastered.

Like, if something comes up, let's address it.

How do you guys do it?

What's your, what's your strategy around that?

I'm always love hearing that mine.

Mine came in early on.

So like, I had, I was out of my own at 16.

Well, you know, parents divorced stepdads came, when I was out of my 16, crazy temper, brother like crazy temper.

And I realized luckily like late teens early twenties.

I'm like, I cannot, I can't, there's no way I can bring this craziness into a marriage and raising kids like this, just won't work.

And so I made this personal commitment to let go of the temper and stop playing the victim and get rid of the anger.

Because like, if I get, but now I'm like, look only small people are bothered by small things.

Like, let's go, I'm being small here and so I learned this process of like I'm not going to let things bother me because somebody would cut me off on the way to you.

University right in the morning.

I'd still be pissed at night and I'm like, well, I just gave up my whole day because somebody and maybe they were on the way to hospital.

So I don't even know, like, what am I doing old man to stuff.

So personally, I just started let go through these quickly, as I'm like, I'm not going to let people sabotage my day.

I'm not handing over my power and so something, get in.

I'm like that process and I'll bury it.

The process.

It, I'm like, I'm going to bring it up, walk through it and let it go.

So, I came into marriage kind of already.

Doing that.

And then two of us is realized like we don't like being upset at each other but don't like being upset at all.

We don't like just going through the day or you're missing out on an amazing experience with our kids or this beautiful situation with somebody else because we're distracted by our own emotions or on pain or whatever.

So we learned how to process quickly, like let's talk about this.

We're not and my wife's awesome about it.

She will not let something go man, which is perfect.

Like we're not just going to cause a lot of couples, they Just play this like will get to will get to or they just didn't bring it up.

I'm sure you see this to like something happens.

Nobody brings it up.

This is there with them for years or decades and we were just side like nah man, we're going to talk about it.

We're going to work through it process it and we're letting go of it and that yeah, it's interesting.

That's interesting, yeah.

Jessica, she tends to be the one that all address stuff quicker and she'll it's a it's funny to Dynamics and relationship.

Right on.

How the how that works.

I'll be the one.

Like now we need to talk about this and she's she likes to sit on it a little bit more and kind of think through it or she's.

Yeah.

It's and again, it's kind of a pattern.

It's a habit.

It's and it's I would say it's also.

It's a standard where we don't, you just have.

We've decided, hey, we just will not let this ruin our relationship.

We won't let this get in the way of of our connection like and so we got to just go through the pain right now.

Like let's And sometimes it's a couple might be a day or two.

I've just kind of feeling a little awkward, or a little bit funny about it or a couple days.

Or, and I've learned, I've also learned to take my hands off that.

I'm a controller.

So, I like to control things and try to get her to not feel too much pain or like adjusted.

Hey, let's work it out as figured.

I've also learned in this last probably a year to hey, allow her to go through her feminine journeyer, feminine journey is up and down and it's the flow.

It's the flow.

And so she's going to be super happy.

She's going to hit some deep lows, most women.

Some women are amazing.

They got blessed.

They don't have the highs and lows, right.

Jessica will have our highs and do she'll have her lows for like two, three days.

And so I learned a not micromanage.

I just love on her while she's in that low.

Nothing I can do, maybe, right?

And so, I kind of just, I'm just I'm just going with the flow of this and just letting her move through and then she'll pop back out.

And then it's the way.

It's it's just the way I think is made.

If we realize that like it's not you just Just Go With It Right and just like, keep loving on her through her tension and her tenseness and I just keep keep loving on her, even if she's being a little difficult, like just what can you do to love honor even more like it, like, that's what happened.

Like she had a even last night it was just or the night before like I ended up.

Sending earlier, I wrote her a love letter.

Yeah.

Hey, I love you, are the only one I want.

Like, I'm like, I'm in this for the long term, like a wrote out this whole thing, and so, But that was after we had the bad date night.

So what I've made a habit of doing any time we fight the next morning, always do something to make make it up, even if it was not me at all.

I'd say it's never my fault.

I'm just kidding.

So anytime now, so anytime, anytime we're fighting, right, it's always all write a letter and like a lush.

I'll show as much love as I can, and it softens her because she's she's in her defense mode, right?

I want to break through that, otherwise, we're going.

I'm nowhere, right?

So I'll like do something to break right through and then that way like and then give it space and she'll usually come and she'll write a message back or do something and that's kind of our little little nugget there of total awesomesauce writing.

Seems to be it's so powerful.

My wife like a handwritten note from me is like a treasure box man and she'll hold on to them and save them.

So writing something else I'll text message and email, something like that it doesn't take much.

Batman.

I found it and you have to it makes a huge difference.

Yeah, it wasn't.

I want to Circle back to something.

You said that I thought was so profound.

It's because you've set a standard and we feel the same way.

It's like, we want an absolutely extraordinary marriage and and there's a standard that like, what, why settle for good?

Good isn't good enough when when excellence and extraordinary as possible and so because of the standard you guys and we are willing to like no, we're not going to let this Stir or not going to let it stay, like we're gonna dress it.

We're going to work through it because we have this standard we want to live by.

And and I think that's that's true just across the board right?

With your four pillars, you set a standard and that kind of sets the tone for how you're going to deal with things that come up.

Yep.

Yeah, we'll live up to our standards that are set for us or the ones we set for ourselves, right?

So we live up to that in our marriage, like we do have that standard and Yeah, yeah.

And like, we talked about because we talk about level ten marriages, right?

So how do we get our mirrors to a level 10?

And the thing is, once you get to a level 10, there's a whole nother level 10.

Like, there's multiple level 10 switch.

Really, really means you don't get to level 10, but there's multiple level tends.

Not only an emotional intimacy, but also sexually like, man, there's a whole nother level, 10 of fun and playfulness.

And erotic, doesn't just cool stuff that can happen in marriage sexually, when you go do, All the other stuff, right?

When you take care of your queen, when you love honor when you're you you practice opening yourself up to her.

Like there's there's a lot of there's there's a whole nother level 10 and so we're all about the level tense but to have a level 10 to get to the next level 10, you have to be willing to let go of the current level that you're at.

And most people are not willing to rock the boat.

Like one of the things I did to get to the our sex life, to a level 10, was I had a conversation with her and I said, hey babe.

So I love our sex life and I was just, uh, I was thinking about it, just wanted to know what you would rate our sex light at life at it.

I knew this conversation would throw her off like hardcore and she's like, well, why do you want to know that?

I'm like, well, I just come curious and I'll share what I would rate it at, you know, because I'd like to know where you're at.

And I'd like to How to get to the next level you know.

So she read it out like a seven.

I think I really like an 8 and but any got super weird man.

She got really like I mean she started crying, she went her a bed, we didn't talk for like a died. 2 days is like eight years ago, but in talk for like two days and then she came back.

So I was willing to risk.

I knew that was going to like bring major tension talking about sex and then basically saying I want it better, right?

I want to have a better sex life was what I was saying, right?

And go tell that to your wife.

Hey, I'd like to have A better sex life is just gonna, it's gonna throw a wrench but on the other side of that as an opportunity to get to the next level.

And so from that she came and she said, hey actually, yes I would love to have an improved sex life.

Also like I want to get to a level 10 also he's like I just triggered, me a triggered, all the pain, it triggered, all this stuff and you know, and so I we got to be willing to risk it, you know?

So it's it's not.

Yeah.

And that process is perfect.

Actually like I've even done that with my kids.

I'll just call him say hey On a scale of 1 to 10, where would you relate?

Radar relationship?

Right now.

It's great.

Then the golden question is afterwards.

They come back.

They're like haha you know, 78 whatever.

And then the key question is what would make it a 10.

Hmm, thank you, jet with your sex life, with dating with listening with conversation, communication, kids work like whatever.

Just where's it at?

What would make it a 10 and, and just pursue that, man?

That's awesome, love it.

Yeah, so powerful All right, any any last thoughts something's been on your mind that zombie experience you'd like to share with, with guys, like what's, what's been standing out to you recently?

That's just feel so important for you to experience yourself and Chase or share with others.

It's definitely the topic of transparency and authenticity, I But if we were to shift, I we talked about that.

But if we were to shift to something else that's very important.

I mean, I don't know how Interfaith your listeners are, but man, I've been on a journey of just reconciling my soul with Christ and so what happens is there's our soul is compromised of you're inside of a circle that begins the first circle inside.

There is your will or your heart, or your spirit.

It's all like one.

Your will your, your Decision to be able to make a decision that that's our god-given gift.

And then on the outside of that is our thoughts, all of our thoughts that we have.

And then on the outside of that is our emotions, the emotions we feel on the outside of that as our body or bodily functions.

And then, on the outside of that is our social relationships and on the outside of that is our sole.

So our soul encompasses all of that.

Now what happens is, why many people don't feel peace, is those things are disintegrated, their emotions are off there.

W are off, they're not in alignment under Christ.

Exactly.

And so God is not at the top.

And so what happens is he our souls?

There's this in a state of chaos man internally.

And so we think it's if we Journal more or if we do this more, or if we do that it's like no man.

We need to have us some spiritual formation.

That's done in our soul and we do that through Reading and studying scripture, and having the intention for him to bring all of those things in alignment under Christ.

So we can be like Christ Iced.

And so that's been what I've been really journeying through.

And there's a really good book called renovation of the Heart by Dallas, Willard goes into that in varied.

It's a very deep book, but ma'am.

If we can have more men that are Live Like Jesus and we're at peace, it'll change the world that love like Jesus did.

It'll change the world but we have so many broken men, complete, just Brokenness.

Even if it's their anger that they give at, they show to their wife or their kids, It's that it's stemming from a soul.

That's not been need some spiritual formation right now, which I'm on that journey.

And so I think that I think it's, hey, if you're going to spend time doing anything, you jump in the word, spend 15-20 minutes.

Don't just do a verse of the day.

Don't just do a little, a little three minute thing.

Like, go spend 5, 10, 15 minutes, 20 minutes a day, and spend time, and that will shift, you completely.

I had that same experience and it just Priceless spending time in the word.

And then taking it and and really trying to be it right to exercise it to live by it because it's, you know, it is possible to go through the motions of it.

But to let it to sink in again.

Like I like to say is like don't worry, the goal isn't to get through the book, it's to get the book through you.

Especially in this case the book.

Hmm.

To get it to go through you and and I love the renovation of the Heart, Right?

The spiritual formation to bring things back into alignment and get that inner peace for the soul.

Dude.

Love it brother.

Love it.

Then you flip on the power from the inside out.

Exactly.

Right.

And just just radiates live with that peace and love.

That's awesome.

Okay.

Where can people connect with you, brother?

Yeah, why my book on Amazon just launched that a couple months ago, two days, CEO tells my whole store and how we scale and grow companies.

Really cool.

Interesting stuff in there, I get pretty real and then rise up.

Kings.com put on events for men, really intense, intense events that kind of do a lot of that soul level work, I would say.

And so, yeah, we that book the book is great and then you rise up, kings.com a neuron social media Skylar with the Aask, why lar Louis lewisn01, tastic love that.

And these events you do.

Are they what would you say percentage-wise is business personal, or do you do different events, you have some that are strictly business, some that are personal, is that the mix of the, we have about six different events that we run.

I include in marriage retreat.

But the first event, which is like our, it's called the refinery in the whole process is to develop and to refine a man.

And so we have it's emotional its Sure, it's physical.

Like, you don't have to be fit to go through it but we'll push you a little bit physically and then it's business.

So we do we do I teach some of the two-day, CEO content and training.

And so that's only for business owners.

And then we have the Awakening, which is a very similar event for non business owners.

We just launched that we have our second one coming up next.

I think next week and then we have The Crucible which is a similar event but for 18 to 26 year old.

So now we have a full series to cover this because it's been so transformational like A lot of events you go learn stuff like this is all about inner transformation.

I want a guy to leave differently than he did when he when he came like not just have had knowledge but I want him to be a different human being when he walks out with God's present.

The holy spirit, that every event dude is wicked.

It's just like he is present at these events and so he's doing his work in their heart and so it's a really it's a really neat experience so I love it.

Likewise, Skyler, thanks man.

Thanks, thanks for, thank you for like your transparency and openness even here, man.

Just sharing who you are and your mission, and your work and your story, it's inspiring and thanks for.

Thanks for doing good in the world and thanks for coming on the show and I really appreciate it.

Yeah, 100%, you.

Thanks for having me on board.

This is fun.