#51 The SIMPLE Reason Most Men Fail to Consistently Achieve The Results They Want

Gentlemen, welcome to the bee man podcast.

I'm your host.

Greg Denny.

I am the Creator and Coach inside the be a master class in tribe.

And as of the time of this recording, we just did a major major upgrade to the be, the man masterclass and tribe, and is now an intensive year-long coaching program going all in.

This is part of my life's work and my life's Mission.

I've known about it for years and really leaning in just dialing it up and just did a a massive, massive upgrade to it.

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Consistently, if you want the accountability, you know, the tools in the taxes and strategies now is the best time to get in.

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And I've been doing coaching for years now and helping men all over the world.

Get incredible, rule, holistic results.

Whole life results.

Help me get the things they want.

And now I just need to bring that into to the mouse across tribe.

Even more.

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Turn it on, make it bigger and better.

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All right, let's dive in.

This is why most men fail to consistently.

Get the results they want.

It's as simple habit, that can produce the greatest outcomes.

But first, let me back up and tell a story which I'm sure you guys can relate to, as I'm going through life and roll it along as a young man before I met Rachel and then after right after.

So, you know, when I was single and then newly married, I was going through this journey.

I like I wanted to be a better person and early on.

Fortunately, I had Realized like nothing will get better in my life until I get better and that when I get better, everything else gets better.

So it's all hinging.

Every ask my life, aspect of my life was hinging on me, that I was the most important factor, and that's good news.

It's sobering news, sometimes painful, but it's good news.

And so I was desirous To be better, I wanted to be better, I wanted to change, I wanted to make Transformations, and I had grown up with a very fixed mindset, a very limited mindset.

I had a scarcity mindset.

I'm massively lacked social skills.

Definitely lacks speaking skills and teaching skills fact, I was terrified even raise my hand in class in high school.

And share something.

I'm reading out loud.

No way, man.

I'd rather have some teeth pulled like I just did not want to do that.

So I'd grown up with all these these Limited skill sets, limited mindsets, limited heart sets.

I was just in a small space.

I was confined.

I was restricted.

I was very limited and I wanted to change those things, intensely.

So I started reading voraciously and I started paying attention to everything.

And I noticed people that I admire like man, I want to try that and I'd make an attempt at it and it'd be okay, but I would forget or it's man, I really come across something in a great book, think I?

Want that?

And I work on it for a few days, but then, I forget.

And so I get intense and then go away and then, usually a few days or a few weeks later, I would remember be like, oh man, I wanted that.

I wanted to be that, I wanted to have that and I remember feeling, I'm my suspicion is, you can relate to this, you feel this intense desire, this drive to have something to be something to achieve, something and have, It consistently and predictably not just sporadically, not just every once in a while not like it shows up in your just fantastic but then it goes away and you're like, what is going on?

Sometimes it works.

Sometimes it doesn't.

In fact, I had a coaching session with a gentleman yesterday and he was expressing the same thing.

Like, sometimes things are good and sometimes they're not, and I don't know.

What's the difference?

What's what's making the difference?

What's happening?

And so as I was getting into this, I would come across these these great books.

And there was a few that really hit me with great power.

And so I would read them and then reread them a few months later and then read them and reread them.

And I was trying to work on it, but I just couldn't get it to happen.

And finally, I just determined like, you know what these these ones matter?

These ideas the skill, says, mindsets matter so much, I'm just going all-in.

And one of those books was as a man thinketh by James Allen.

Somehow, I knew a man, how in the world ever figure this out.

I don't know.

But somehow, as a young man, you do actually one of the reasons why is because one of the very first book, somebody gave me when I left home at 16.

I don't know how I did it, actually.

I think it might have been my brother, somebody and red and then giving me their copy of The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman.

Vincent Peale, that's how this idea started.

And so I just kind of from reading that I think about just like yeah, okay, I've got to change my thoughts.

If I'm going to change my life has changed my thoughts, then I found James Allen and was like, oh this guy is The man I want to think like that.

So, I read the book.

Loved it, reread, it loved it.

Memorize parts of it love that, but it still wasn't.

There wasn't consistent.

Wasn't solid.

I didn't have this Rock Solid Warrior, manly mindset that I wanted and and he's a great thinker and philosopher and poet.

So ultimately, I'm like, I want to be the poet.

Philosopher, warrior king.

I want it all.

And I want to think like that.

So I thought you know what?

I know how to remember it because I what I noticed about myself and I hope you'll notice this too.

And that you've heard me say this before input determines output, right?

What we put in is what we get out.

You guys know that it makes makes perfect sense, and I realized it on the days that I read those things, I felt better I felt more empowered.

I felt clearer.

I had the mindset and the heart set that I wanted fact, when I read specific books that had skill sets and I'm like, oh yeah, like I got to do that.

And that's the second book that I did this with was How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, which I, you know, I desperately needed.

I didn't, I didn't know how to relate to people.

I don't know how to talk to people, especially talk to strangers.

I didn't know how to carry on conversations.

I had And taught how to do any of that stuff.

So there were there were specific skills and tactics and they're like, here's how to carry on a conversation.

Here's how to be interested, sincerely interested in others and how to engage.

And so I decided, you know, I'm going to read from those two books every single morning that way I start my day getting in the right mindset.

And reviewing that morning some particular element of social skills of having influence in a making friends.

And I did that every single day for well over two years and it transformed my life.

In a very real way, it can't not the things we do day in and day out week in and week out month in and month out like become a part of us and we're doing it all the time.

Right now it's already happening but most of us aren't very strategic or deliberate about it.

And So eventually what James Alan taught in his thinking?

They're became my thinking.

It just got absorbed into my head.

I I went through that books because it's a small book.

I went through it so many times.

And it just became a part of me and then I went through those principles of how to win friends and influence people and it just changed the way engage with Humanity.

I just because I had the, the repetition and the frequency, it just got absorbed, right?

And that's that's the idea.

Gentlemen were absorbing strategically and deliberately the things we want to keep in us and almost pushing the other things out, right?

If your mind is a stage, Age, you fill it in or maybe there's a void or a vacuum ever.

You want to see it but you fill it with the things you want.

So there's no space left for the things.

You don't.

Another thing I had to do was read books, like, Think and Grow Rich, by Napoleon Hill, and the science of getting rich by Wallace wattles because I had overcome a scarcity mindset and my my relationship with money.

So as I did that it began to transform everything.

So now we're getting into this.

The main thing I want to talk about today, which I wholeheartedly believe after working with men across five continents for over two decades.

This is why most men failed to consistently.

Get the results they want is because they are not sharpening the skills.

The tools, the mindset, the heart set in the skill set, they need for each role.

So your job brother and my job, your responsibility and my responsibilities.

For each of your roles is to keep the tools of your trade Sharp.

That means every single day you and I learn review and practice something that helps.

You do your job.

Well, let me illustrate and we'll Circle back to that.

Let me illustrate.

We totally get this.

And we understand this Principle as it pertains to other important roles, but we rarely do for our own most important roles.

So an example is, would you want your surgeon?

To be years behind on new procedures and best practices, because he's been so busy right?

He's like, look, I'm busy.

I'm running my practice, I got my family, got all this stuff going.

I just, I just haven't been able to review the procedures for this this surgery.

I've been able to keep up on the new technology and the new equipment and that, you know, the new things they've discovered about this whole process.

So I've just been so busy I'll figure this out.

Would you want that guy doing your your surgery or for example, he doesn't quite remember all the things he supposed to do because, you know, it's a lot to remember.

There's a lot there and he didn't quite review it.

He was quite busy didn't have time.

So he doesn't doesn't really remember all the things he supposed to do.

Once he gets inside of you, but he'll figure it out, right?

He's done surgeries before.

Like no way.

You would want to have a sir.

Surgeon.

It's going to open you up to have his this the skills of his trade, the tools of his trade.

Sharp very, very sharp.

Let's another example is the pilot of your next flight.

So you got a flight scheduled and you got a pilot?

Would you be comfortable?

If he was trying to just remember off the top of his head, all the things on his pre-flight checklist instead of actually using the checklist.

Do you guys know this that every before every single flight, those pilots and there's two of them, they both have to go through.

They have to go through every single item on the checklist and they learned that through sad experience that, you know, they've done it so many times like, yeah, I'll just check it.

They know, they know this stuff backwards and forwards.

But it's easy for whatever reason.

It's easy to forget.

It's easy when you're distracted or tired or hungry or frustrated or irritated or whatever it is.

You just miss one little thing and sometimes it's critical and missing that one thing can make all the difference.

And so they have to go through a checklist.

I can't remember the total number, maybe 200 or 300 something.

There's a lot and maybe maybe I'm even off on that.

But there's a very specific checklist have to go through or what if this pilot hadn't flown, this particular plane before, or he had used the new instruments, right?

Most of you would say, no way.

There's no way that surgeons operating on me and there's no way I'm getting on that plane and yet, that's exactly what many of you are doing your behind.

On some of the strategies and tools and tactics.

You need as a husband, as a lover as a father, as a mentor, as a businessman, a leader and investor, or your you're unaware.

Of tools and tactics of strategies and systems.

I see that so much, really good men with really great desires and this was my experience too.

I wanted it so desperately.

I wanted to have all the great results.

I was absolutely clueless that there were strategies and systems that would make it so much easier and so it was unnecessarily hard for me to figure it out and sometimes impossible until I got the right tool in place.

Then we get this with so many things if you're trying to build a house with a hammer and a screwdriver, it would be infuriating knowing that there's always power tools sitting right there and they're available and you're not using them or you don't even know they exist.

Some of you are just really rusty on the best practices for listening.

In fact I would dare say some of you like was the case for me had never been taught how to really listen.

I thought I was listening, I thought I was a good listener but I didn't know.

Until finally we work through this and it was, you know, it was challenging, it was very challenging but Rachel and words, he's just struggled through it just like know when I when I want you to listen this is what that looks like and I was like wow okay I had no idea.

It's a very specific thing.

She and I just did a podcast all about that.

How to listen to your wife, which you got to go.

Listen.

That's fantastic.

So you might be rusty.

You might be a little rusty.

You're behind are unaware with specific strategies, for guiding your children teaching them, correcting them, disciplining them modeling for them, how to use persuasion and influence the absolute.

Best tool for parenting is persuasion.

And yet, most men use force or because I said, so, because I'm the dad, or the yell, or they use thread or the threat of force or, you know, I'm bigger than you or do it or else like always consequences, they use the carrot and the stick and all these things that really don't work and sometimes you get a, you get a reaction but it's not actually working.

And if you don't know or you're behind that you forget I know I know I've forgotten a lot, I would do things and then I'm like oh man like I forgot that I wanted to be more gentle or more patient, more persuasive.

Remember times getting after my when they were little getting after my kids, because they were, you know, squabbling over something fighting over something or doing, you know, they broke something or spilled something made a mess and they went out and just did what kids do and I could explode, right?

And then afterwards like I felt so bad and I knew I like I remembered then like God I wanted to act differently.

But I didn't.

And so I realized I get circling back to like sharpening the tools every single day.

Was what eventually kept me from doing things.

I didn't want to do because I was reviewing every day, I was sharpening the saw so to speak and staying in my best and I can't emphasize this enough.

It's so simple.

It's so Elementary you might be hearing this and think well yeah does no-brainer but how many of you actually do it in my experience?

And I get to work with lots and lots of men and meet people all over the world?

Extremely few men, do these things every single day and that is precisely why they struggle to consistently and predictably get the results they want.

So are you Rusty or behind are unaware about the best practices for household management, for family, lifestyle for finances, for increasing, your finances, for controlling, your expenses, for your take care of your Investments, right?

You have a lot of roles.

You have important roles like being a provider and a protector.

And the teacher.

And the disciple and a contributor servant, right?

You've got so many important things do and there's a lot going on and you're experiencing all the things in life and just like a pilot or just like a surgeon.

And I would dare say your roles as a husband and a father, ultimately, are more important than that.

And you might say, well, you always, you know, if a surgeon and a pilot life's on the line and to that, I would say, yes, the lives of your wife and your children are on the line, not in that.

They could die in that moment, but you and your engagement in your skill, set in determining.

In a major way, how their life will be.

That's huge.

So that ignorance meaning we don't know or the forgetfulness, meaning we knew but we forgot is making it so much harder than it would be otherwise.

So one of the greatest things we can do gentleman every single day and I know some of you are crazy busy and sometimes you have to travel for work or you go on vacation or you get sick or whatever.

Man, I'd still say even with all that stuff you can still be 95 98 percent of the time.

Still do it.

Even when things are crazy every single day to read, or listen to something that helps you be a better husband.

Father protector, provider businessman, investor, and ma'am and you're doing it right now, so kudos to that.

And it, you know, in an ideal situation, you know, we might be an hour where you spend Chunk of time reading and learning or listening, but it doesn't have to take long.

I mean, if you did five, five minutes on the worst days and you can squeeze that in, you can squeeze that in like, while you're getting ready, you can easily do it while you're exercising or driving, you can fit this in.

But, you know, somewhere between 10 to 30 minutes every single day would make a gigantic difference. because the sharpening of your Knowledge and Skills has a really powerful magnifying effect on your thoughts, actions and outcomes, That's worth repeating right there. 10 to 30 minutes.

A day can have a huge effect because the sharpening of your Knowledge and Skills has a powerful magnifying effect on your thoughts, actions and outcomes throughout your day and then it compounds into the weeks months years and decades.

But now you might be sitting there thinking well what do I read or listen to and that Fellas is exactly what my wife and I've been doing now, for almost two decades, literally compiling for you for years.

We did it for ourselves, and then we started sharing it.

We've been sharing it for a long, long time, but compiling the best stuff.

We've averaged a book A Week for well over two decades.

I still I'm still on that course, right?

And Going through podcasts and reading journals and reviews and studies.

And we are constantly consuming massive amounts of content from from some of the best people out there and filtering through that.

And saying, we know what works, what doesn't and our advantage is that we get to work with thousands of people from different backgrounds, different religions, different socio-economic, standards and across the world.

I'm like right now I'm over in In in Turkey, we're all over place.

So we've compiled, I compiled mine into the be the man master class and tribe, right?

Obviously, that's I mean, that's that was one of the greatest reasons, I compiled that was to have the tools, the strategies, the techniques, the systems, all in one place and have it for each of those important rules.

The whole, the whole trip will Trifecta, right?

Is the system is strategy in there.

That has Fitness you guys know this but it's worth reviewing and hitting again.

And again and again Fitness in mind, body and spirit family, which is marriage parenting and family Legacy and finances which is your income, your expenses and your Investments, right?

If you cover those nine areas and your consists I'm talking every single day.

Gentlemen, just picture this in your head just see it clearly with me.

If you touch one of those, you learn something study something.

Listen read something review.

Something a lot of you already know but you just review it.

You touch on one of those things every day.

Preferably in the morning think about the positive trickle effect in the Cascade effect will have through your whole life.

If you review something that makes your knowledge or skills sharper in one of those important roles.

Now this stuff is absolute power and it has transformed my life and helped Rachel.

I have the the genuinely phenomenal marriage.

We have where we're best friends.

We're we just love spending all of our time together and traveling the world together and raising our kids together.

And we work in our businesses together.

Go on dates all the time.

Make love all the time and like, we have a phenomenal.

Eyes and our kids rock solid.

And I'm not boasting here, I'm telling you like this stuff works and we've been doing it for so many years.

It has been so consistent with it.

It's like this magic formula, the kids don't fight with each other.

They have a great relationship with each other.

They have a great relationship with us.

They are learning and study and pushing their limits and doing hard things.

Chasing big goals.

It's incredible.

Who's genuinely incredible.

It's such a privilege and a blessing and we get all this.

Like it's it's awesome.

And we're living our unique life dream which includes travel all over the world.

In all comes back to the fact that we realized early on like no, we have to do this every day, it has to be done every single day we don't miss.

And we until we until we miss, in fact, we will talk to each other like that.

Like hey if you had some input you got to get some good input.

Like if you're feeling stress, you're still an Elm you're feeling off.

Like let's just pause and get some good input.

And we have habits of, we read in the morning, I read.

And I kind of book in my days.

I read in the morning and I read in the evening.

And I listen to podcasts during the day, and I highly recommend to everybody in the be a man, mask last tribe.

Just log in and go through one piece of the content every day.

It's just a reminder, some of it will be new things you didn't know before and so will be a reminder a review, but you're sharpening the skills.

Now, I think this is a good place to share a warning.

To not listen to the wrong stuff.

And I've spent over 150,000 dollars in courses and classes and masterminds and, and books and learning.

I mean, I've done so much stuff and I've been in this industry for a long time.

And I started, I really started deep diving in a personal and professional development at 16.

And I've learned to notice who knows what they're talking about and who doesn't, and who has whole life results and who has single skill results.

For example, a guy who's giving you his best advice about life but doesn't have children is definitely going to miss some things like so much of what He suggests goes right out the window.

Simply because he lacks personal experience with a wife who is pregnant or breastfeeding or whose body and emotions have gone through the carrying and delivering of a baby.

And he doesn't realize that all the best laid plans are completely wrecked by little children because they could care less about your agenda and your schedule and all your important meetings, right?

Do you think infants and toddlers?

Think about what you need at that moment.

Ah, right.

That's laughable and so you have to, you have to have those experiences.

You have to walk that road and get whole life results.

And you also have to worry about the guy tells you how to build and grow your business.

But doesn't simultaneously give you a very honest.

Portrait of his marriage and parenting and family Legacy.

There's a lot of business advice that harms family.

It's everywhere.

And we have to watch for it.

And so much of the business of I have the it actually works.

It works to grow the business, but they don't talk about the wreckage behind the scenes.

How?

Yeah.

It, grew the business, but it actually ruined the family or the marriage or the health, or the well-being.

Right?

So for me, it's always been absolutely critical.

It's family.

First, I want to be a family man with a business, not a businessman with family.

And any advice you're looking for has to be whole life, it's got to come, it's got include health and well-being, right?

The spiritual, the mental, the emotional physical and definitely, including all those relationships and all of it.

And what's interesting, if you go into the bad advice, if you follow it, you're likely to get what they did.

And it's tempting to lie to ourselves sometimes and think that we might be the exception.

That's actually a very foolish mistake gentlemen.

I've done that like I like I can do this and it'll work out for me and you go down the road you like Dad does.

I should have known if I follow that advice.

I'm going to get similar results.

I can't even tell you how many times I've heard that sad story and now I get to hear all the time because of the work I'm in, right?

Men come to me.

Families.

Come to me all the time I get here.

That story how they went down, this road, you know, telling themselves they were doing it for Their families, for example, but it really was to the detriment of their families.

And really good man with really good wives thinking, somehow they can follow that, destructive formula without the destructive consequences, it just doesn't work.

So circling back gentlemen, the number one way to consistently and predictably get the results you want is so simple.

It's so Elementary and it literally is just to spend Time every single day, 10 to 30 minutes is recommendation on your worst days.

It'll maybe five, but don't skip and miss a meal.

If you have to skip something else, if you have to don't miss out on this, it makes a huge difference and on your best days, get 60 Minutes or 90 minutes in.

And if you if you listen to a book or a podcast or one of the trainings inside the master class while you're running or working or driving, you can actually get massive amounts of great Tim put in, If the solution to your problem is readily available and you don't use it, that's on you, brother.

That is on you and there's no excuse.

And again, I'm like, I'm, I understand this because I struggled with it before and I get it.

It's easy to forget who you want to be and how you want to live.

It's easy to forget all the things you need to know.

Remember and have that review.

I had a coaching session last week where they said that very thing is like, hey look.

Like, I know these things.

It's just that I forget to do them.

I get I get going, I get in the groove, I get in the zone and I'm moving along and I just forget these other little elements that make such a massive difference.

And, so, A big part of it is just remembering and being accountable.

That's why the tracking inside the be the man app is so powerful.

That's why the accountability with the tribe and the Brotherhood is so powerful.

It's why, you know, we're checking in and being transparent and sharing what we're working on this stuff just works.

So as simple as this sounds it has unbelievable power compounding and sighing throughout your whole life. if man, if you did nothing else, this would have that power every single day Learn something, read?

Something, listen to something.

Go through.

One of the trainings inside of the event masterclass and tribe that will help you sharpen your skills and sharpen the tools you use in each role to make sure your Knowledge and Skills are dialed in so that you can be your best.

That is the simplest formula and yet it is unbelievably transformative and Powerful to help you get the results.

Results that you want.

Do it start today.

Make it happen.

Be the man.