April 24, 2025
#88 What It Really Means To Be Human With Carlos Whittaker
What if being human meant showing up in the mess, not hiding from it? In this powerful and honest episode, we're joined by best-selling author, speaker, and hope dealer Carlos Whitaker—a man on a mission to bring people together through empathy, vulnerability, and healing conversations.
Carlos opens up about what it really means to be human in a divided world, and how we can bridge gaps between people who think, look, or live differently than we do. He shares how his journey through anxiety, identity, and reconciliation has shaped his life’s purpose—and why being fully human requires courage, curiosity, and compassion.
We dive deep into the stories behind his viral moments, his intentional parenting philosophy, and the practice of showing up with love even when it's hard. Whether you're leading a family, a business, or just trying to lead yourself well, Carlos offers profound wisdom on how to live with more humanity and less hustle.
This episode will inspire you to live a more open-hearted, others-focused life—and to be the kind of person who helps heal rather than divide.
Don’t miss this one. Carlos Whitaker brings the kind of hope we all need right now.
Key Takeaways:
- Carlos emphasizes the importance of slowing down to reconnect with our humanity.
- The impact of technology on our lives and relationships is profound.
- Healing often requires addressing wounds from our past.
- Building relationships requires empathy and understanding of differing viewpoints.
- Writing daily helps maintain creativity and clarity of thought.
- Curiosity can lead to deeper understanding and change in relationships.
Chapters
00:00 The Journey of Carlos: From Worship Leader to Author
07:47 Discovering True Calling: Teaching and Communicating
14:05 The Essence of Being Human: Slowing Down
19:14 The Impact of Technology on Humanity
25:23 Family First: Healing Through Connection
31:19 Practical Strategies for Reducing Screen Time
38:58 The Importance of Face-to-Face Interaction
40:02 Insights from the Amish: Curiosity and Knowledge
41:58 The Power of Reading and Slowing Down
44:00 Healing: Addressing Inner Wounds
48:12 The Role of Therapy in Personal Growth
52:24 Balancing Work and Family Life
01:00:08 Launching Human School: Rediscovering Humanity
01:02:13 Walking with People: A New Perspective on Division
01:09:50 FFM Long outro .mp4
RESOURCES For Carlos:
https://www.carloswhittaker.com
https://www.instagram.com/loswhit
https://www.carloswhittaker.com/podcast
RESOURCES:
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See my Reviews
0:00
I was a leadership disaster.
If we don't live the message, then we suck as the messenger.
0:06
If we can just uncover those things and bring healing to those things, people will be able to
breathe.
0:10
Well, I think that's the perfect metaphor.
Healing can happen for all of us.
0:15
Reading has that power.
If it's uncomfortable, then it probably needs to be addressed.
0:20
How are you cranking out content running your business and still stay engaged with your wife and
kids?
0:25
How can we walk side by side with people in this deeply polarized world?
You could just say, hey, you know, people need to hear this.
0:32
What would that be?
Gentlemen, welcome to the formidable Family Man podcast.
0:35
I'm your host, Greg Denning.
Today, my guest is Carlos Whitaker.
0:38
Carlos is the author of five books.
His most recent two books, Reconnected and How to Human are worth diving into and learning about.
0:47
We, we talk about both of them and, and what it means to be more human and go back to our humanness.
What it means to slow down and reconnect.
0:56
How to be more present, more engaged, and all the amazing benefits to our relationships, to our
brains, to our bodies, to our lives of slowing down, spending more time off screen and still being
1:09
able to be productive and effective and engaged and live amazing lives being more reconnected and
more human.
1:16
He also has a documentary called Reconnected and he and I have a great conversation about him going
among the monks and living with the Amish and his ministry and his life, his journey and going from
1:27
a faith-based ministry into the industry outside of faith.
But still, you know, leading people back to Christ and to truth and the spirit and the ways that we
1:36
can be better husbands and fathers.
So jump in, enjoy this episode.
1:39
It's amazing.
All right, brother, super excited to have you on the show today and to talk about your message or
1:46
messages, right?
You got two books out, you got the documentary, you got your own podcast there.
1:53
I mean, there's a lot of wealth we can, we can tap into there.
So super happy and and excited and and grateful to have you on the show today, brother.
1:59
Thanks Greg, so glad to be here.
Actually I've I I have 5 books believe it or not that span back to I.
2:09
Wonder if there were some other ones?
Yeah, yeah, 2014.
2:12
You know that the ones I talk about are kind of the last two.
But you know, you those, those first, those first few are like my little babies that I'm like, I
2:19
don't know if I want people to read them.
Just know that I have them.
2:23
That's right.
I love it.
2:25
This is awesome.
Well, tell us, tell us part of that journey.
2:28
That's that's a little teaser right there.
Tell us, tell us your journey, man, of starting to share those messages.
2:34
Yeah, You know, I had, I kind of begun my journey in ministry as a worship leader in Southern
California.
2:41
And I was on staff at a church for 10 years called Sandals Church, where I was the worship pastor
there.
2:46
And I thought that was that's what I was going to do forever.
And it was great.
2:49
Loved it.
You know, had our babies there, you know, adopted my son there.
2:53
And yeah, it was just, it was if I feel good at it, like it was just a great community.
My best friends were there and while I was there I started.
3:03
Now this is going to date me but I started this thing called a blog.
I don't know if people remember those things before pre social media.
3:08
And I would write on that and it got really popular.
Like, like people were just like coming in to tuning in to read my 2 paragraphs a day.
3:19
And you know, I just and I loved it.
I loved sharing my message with kind of a bigger audience then maybe was in front of me when I stood
3:26
on a stage.
And so, you know, I did just kind of went at it.
3:29
And that blog led me to have some other just possibilities within my career.
And I, I got hired at North Point Community Church in Atlanta to become their service programming
3:42
director after 10 years at Sandals Church.
So I ended up working with Andy Stanley and you know what was down there and was learning just kind
3:50
of a lot about leadership and obviously like he's he's just so good at all that stuff.
And so, I mean, I was sitting with him every day in multiple meetings a day, running the yeah,
4:00
running the creative and for Buckhead Church.
And Jeff Henderson was the my boss at Buckhead Church and he's now the director of marketing at
4:08
Chick-fil-A.
So I got I was just underneath like such incredible leaders and learned so much in a few years while
4:14
I was there.
Mentored and coached right there, Right there at their.
4:18
Feet, I mean, they were and they were paying me.
It was crazy, you know, So every meeting I go in and, and every every like large kind of situational
4:28
problem that I got to watch Andy and the team unpack like in real time in front of me.
I'm just like taking notes, you know, I'm just like, I can't believe I get to watch this.
4:36
You know, I get to, I can't believe I get to be a part of this.
I can't believe I get to like have input into this.
4:41
And so while I was there, I was, you know, I kind of gone from just leading worship singing,
standing on a stage.
4:49
I had, I had one intern for 10 years at the church I was at in California.
And that's really all that I was quote, UN quote leading.
4:58
And then I get plopped into at North Point and I had like 20 staff that were reported.
And so like I was a unmitigated leadership disaster.
5:07
Like I, I was like, wait, I don't know how to do this.
I was trying to be friends with everybody and then nothing what, you know, was working.
5:13
And so like I, it was really good because I, I got to, you know, sit with Andy and Jeff and they got
to really help for me into, I think, you know, a big piece of the leader that I am today.
5:24
And so while I was there, I did quickly realize that like I missed the standing on a stage, like I
missed.
5:33
I think there was there was a skill set inside of me that wasn't being tapped into because I'd I'd
stopped, you know, like leading worship often.
5:39
I just was kind of managing and leading.
And so and he's like, why don't you lead, you know, one Sunday a month or something like that?
5:45
So I would lead one Sunday a month and then kind of lead the team the other three Sundays at
Buckhead Church and at North Point, just depending on what, where they had me.
5:52
And I'll never forget Greg, when Andy, he, he called me one Sunday after I got deleting worship.
And I was like, uh oh, like you never want to, you never want a phone call from Andy, like right
6:05
after the service.
And he said, hey, Carlos, I need to let you know something.
6:10
He said, like, you're a good worship leader.
Like you're, you're, you're good.
6:14
Like, you know, but the reason why you're a great worship leader when you're a great worship leader
isn't because you can sing.
6:23
And I was like, oh, kind of offended.
And I was like, OK, thanks.
6:26
I think he goes, it's because of when you walk on stage, you have something that everybody in the
room feels like they're your best friend.
6:36
And then what you say between the songs is much more powerful than what you're singing during the
songs.
6:41
And so and so he goes, take that, take that for what it's worth, but I just want to let you know
that.
6:46
So you know, I took that.
And then from there, my blog got really big at this point.
6:51
So like I'm working at North Point, but I've got this huge blog.
I've got a podcast now on worship leading and I get signed to Integrity Music.
6:58
So I, I get signed, I sign a record deal and I leave North Point and with the blessing of Andy and,
and I moved to Nashville and I, you know, you know, make a record, start touring, doing all the
7:08
things again while I'm on this journey of being kind of an artist.
I'm still writing everyday.
7:14
I'm still, I still enjoy my little mini sermons between my songs more than I enjoy the songs.
And it took a few years of me of, you know, I think battling maybe the calling in my life to where I
7:24
finally got to the place where I was like, I was like, you know, I am, I think maybe I'm not called
to be a worship leader.
7:30
I think maybe I'm called to speak and to communicate, teach, you know, and it didn't feel cool.
It didn't feel, you know, I was like, I want to be a rock star.
7:39
I want to, I want to stand on stages and have people, you know, like, and man, I'll tell you Greg, I
mean, that's a very fast forwarded story, but it, it got me to a place where I, I stepped into my
7:49
true calling.
And I think my true gifting, which is teaching and communicating.
7:53
And, you know, and, and, and again, this, you're getting like the Super high, you know, you know,
version.
7:58
I mean, there's been, there's been struggles in my life and in my marriage and in my, you know,
career and parenting and all sorts of things, obviously that we all have to go through and we'll get
8:09
into some of those things.
But just just to where I've landed now, what's cool is that, you know, I, I kind of stepped away
8:14
from the worship, leading the music part, started teaching, started writing.
You know, I took my love for writing my blog into love for writing books.
8:22
And now I find myself in 2025, I have kind of stepped into the non faith space.
I've kind of stepped into I'm being booked way more by marketplace corporate clients to come in and
8:36
speak.
Then I'm probably doing 90% that and only 10% in the faith space.
8:41
And I love it.
Like I've actually never felt more alive in a calling.
8:46
I just got done.
I came back from DCI did a 2015 minute talk to like 75 corporate executives in a room.
8:54
And, and I'll tell you, Greg, like, you know, I, I'm not allowed to talk about Jesus when I'm, when
I'm up there, but these men and women will come to me afterwards in tears because I'm still teaching
9:04
biblical principles, right.
And, and there's only in tears going like going like what, what is it?
9:08
Like there's something about you.
There's there's something about you.
9:11
Like I want that in me.
And I'm like, well, what they don't know is it's the power of the Holy Spirit.
9:15
So once they come to me off stage, now I can tell them, bro.
And now I'm like, and now I'm like, well, can I pray for you?
9:21
And what's going on?
And so like, you know, so suddenly I feel way more like a missionary than I've ever felt before.
9:27
And I'm having the time of my freaking life.
And so.
9:31
Yeah.
And so, you know, so I'm writing books now that are they still have my books, still have Jesus in
9:37
them, but they're I'm casting a lot wider net in my message online and in my books and on to where,
you know, the spiritually curious now are the ones that are paying attention as opposed to just kind
9:48
of like disciples of Christ, right.
So, you know, I've got a lot of people from different religions and just people that are like, yeah,
9:54
man, the, the you know, like new agey kind of people.
And I'm like, sweet, come on in, man, everybody come in and let's talk about how to be human.
10:03
And, and then they're like, yeah, I want to learn how to be human.
But then I'm like, well, the human we're going to look at is actually God Incarnate in Jesus, you
10:09
know?
And so like, it's a blast, man.
10:10
So that's where I, I am now.
Wow.
10:12
That is so awesome.
What a cool story.
10:15
Did you feel like you're kind of because you started your blog back in California?
Did did you feel like you just wanted to be a teacher?
10:24
Was teaching kind of just in you?
He wanted to you had a message, a song to sing.
10:30
Well, you were literally a singer, but the the theoretical song as well.
Like, did you have a message where you're born to teach?
10:37
I, I don't know.
I mean, I think so.
10:39
Like I see what's funny.
I think sometimes we can hear the word teacher and we automatically put up a certain stereotype of
10:46
person in our brain.
And I think that I, I pushed back against that because I'm, I'm like, well, I don't know if I'm
10:51
like, I don't know if like, I'm such a good teacher.
Like I can write out of my emotions and maybe somebody will learn something from that.
10:58
And then, you know, I'll have people be like, well, that's a teacher, bro.
Like a teacher doesn't have to look a certain way.
11:04
And so I think so because I think I started to see people pulling learnings from my writings that I
didn't even intend to teach them.
11:14
And I was like, Oh, well, I guess I, I guess I am a teacher.
And so, you know, now, you know, I, I still, you know, identity is a big thing, right?
11:23
Like, as men like, like we can have this picture of what we want our identity to be.
And so, and then it's a hard, it's hard when somebody else that's super successful in front of us,
11:32
you know, I'll, I'll go to a speaking event and have some big motivational speaker guru go right
before me.
11:39
And then what happens to me the whole time I'm listening to them is a yeah, is I'm just like, I'm
like, Oh my gosh.
11:44
Like, you know, they probably paid this guy $100,000.
He's like crushing it.
11:49
And then in my head, I'm like fighting this, like, OK, I got to be better than him.
I got to be whatever than him.
11:55
And it's like, no, Carlos, just just be you.
Like, like, who are you?
11:58
Who have I created you to be?
People will learn if you're your true self.
12:02
And so, yeah, man, I, I think, I think I was born to teach.
And you know, I'm in there right now.
12:07
It's good.
I love that.
12:08
It's beautiful.
That's beautiful.
12:10
So what would you say is now that you're really feel like you're you're leaning into the current
version of your message.
12:18
What is it that makes what makes your message in you unique?
You say what it what would what would you say is really drawing people up afterwards, after you
12:27
speak and and after you teach?
What are they drawn to?
12:30
I I.
I honestly think that they're, they're just drawn to the Holy Spirit.
12:34
Like, like, like they're not, they're, they're not drawn to me.
You know, I think they think they are.
12:38
But what I'm trying to do is continue to to take a roto-rooter and uproot any version of me that
kind of tries to creep back in, and I'm trying my hardest to just just be the hands and feet of
12:50
Jesus and I love.
It I.
12:52
Think people are just drawn to that right right Greg I mean for you right like like you would say
that that's what you're trying to do is remove any part of you yes and and then I think more and
13:02
more people are are drawn to to Christ so.
Yes, and to be, to be his messenger, to to be the the light, to be a light in the world and give
13:11
glory to God.
And yeah, people love truth.
13:16
Yeah, they love truth.
And they love to feel how a good truth makes them feel.
13:21
I love that.
Yeah, Love, love, love that.
13:23
OK, let's talk about what it means.
What?
13:25
What's your message about being human?
Well, I say be humans, see humans and free humans.
13:30
To be human you've got to lower the volume of life so that the volume of God goes up high achieving.
I think men are going too fast in 2025, like we are going 1000 miles an hour and we, we, we've got
13:48
to slow down.
So like the first step in the whole how to human pieces be human.
13:53
And what does that mean?
I think it, I think it means in 2025, lowering the volume of life, like slowing down.
13:58
One of my, my last book was called Reconnected and it's all it's all all of our phones and how, you
know, I just, I just feel like these screens have accelerated life to a speed that we weren't
14:09
created to live and we're going 1000 miles an hour and the being human pieces.
You know, I really dive into Jesus and how he did his ministry at 3 miles an hour.
14:23
Jesus walked the earth at 3 miles an hour.
Even the pace at which I'm speaking is probably driving some of your listeners crazy, right?
14:37
It it's just like, Oh my gosh, Carlos, like speed up.
We got things to do.
14:40
I got things to learn.
Like, why are you talking so slow?
14:42
Let's go.
What's going on?
14:43
Well, here's the thing, like I, I learned this whole be human piece, before we can be the hands of
feet of Jesus to other people, before we can step out in this, you know, current cultural climate
14:52
that we're living in.
And with all of the, you know, points of discontent that people are feeling, we have to slow down.
14:59
And if Jesus walked everywhere, so the average human being walks at 3 miles an hour.
If Jesus walked everywhere and he did his ministry at 3 miles an hour and we're doing our stuff at
15:11
100 miles an hour, then who is following who, right.
So that, that that's, I tell people that all the time, if Jesus wanted 3 miles an hour, we're going
15:20
100 miles an hour.
Who's following who?
15:22
So we've got to get back to 3 miles an hour.
And I'm telling you, when I've, when I've done that thing happens at 3 miles an hour, you know, I,
15:34
I'm in, I'm in a massive season of healing right now.
And, and it's, it's not happening at 100 miles an hour like it's happening at 3 miles an hour.
15:44
So that that is, you know, there's one thing that anyone can take from this.
It's like, I think that if you just slow your roll, slow your life down, you're going to get back to
15:54
a state of being able to follow Jesus again, as opposed to being in front of him.
And you're going to maybe find true healing at 3 miles an hour.
16:00
So that's, that's the be human piece.
And you know, and for me, you, what that took is kind of a combination into my next book
16:07
reconnected.
I, I didn't, I didn't experiment where I didn't look at a single screen for seven weeks.
16:13
So I, I was like, what's it really look like to live at 3 miles an hour?
So, you know, I was fortunate enough in 2022 to do an experiment where I didn't look at an Apple
16:23
phone and excuse me, an iPhone and Apple Watch, a laptop, a TVA, single screen bro, for seven weeks.
And I lived with monks, and I lived with Amish farmers, and I lived with my family.
16:34
Amazing.
And I got my brain scanned before, I got my brain scanned after.
16:39
I did cognitive testing before, I did cognitive testing after, just to see what life at 100 miles an
hour does to my head, heart, and soul, and what life at 3 miles an hour does to my head, heart, and
16:51
soul.
And obviously, as anybody, you don't, you don't even have to read my book or watch my documentary.
16:57
You just know.
And everyone's probably even thinking, Oh, my gosh, that'd be amazing, right?
17:01
Because it was, it changed everything.
And so I actually got to live it.
17:05
So it's no longer like a like, like a theory that I'm like, yeah, guys, like we should slow down and
let no, like, I did it and I saw what happened.
17:13
I mean, my brain literally healed.
My cerebellum healed in seven weeks, about five years in those seven weeks.
17:20
And then my cognitive memory score, this is crazy.
My cognitive memory score was in the 50th percentile for adult men in America before OK, when I was
17:28
on my Phone 7 hours a day, and then after seven weeks of not looking at a screen, my cognitive
memory score was in the 99th percentile of men in America.
17:37
There was only 1% of men that with better memory than me.
So I'm telling you, man, it was.
17:43
That's crazy awesome.
Yeah, yeah.
17:47
OK, so I I got to ask.
Well, I have lots of questions because it would have was a fascinating thing and I'll come back to
17:52
those other questions about pulling that off.
But what?
17:54
Because right now even my brain and I know a lot of the guys listening to this are like, wait a
minute, what about productivity, Carlos?
18:03
Like what about getting things done?
What about doing more, achieving more?
18:10
Like I, I'm driven towards productivity.
I, I feel like I, I do a decent job of, of being, of, of being in the present, in the moment and I,
18:19
and I can set things down.
I'm not one of those entrepreneurs that like, I can't sit down.
18:23
I can be still, but you're talking about really slowing down.
And even when you're talking slowly, I'm like, wait a minute, what about like getting after it?
18:34
Yeah, one of the one of the biggest, I think, tricks, that horrible tricks that society has played
on men is that we are somehow producing something with our drive and our gusto that is going to
18:51
outlive us because we're we're working so hard.
And I'm, I'm just telling you that multitasking is like the biggest trick that that I think society
19:00
has ever played on us.
Like single tasking is, is what I learned from the Amish.
19:04
Like it's like, Oh my gosh.
Like I like they are very productive.
19:07
They are very, you know, they, they are hard working.
I mean, Willis the sheep farmer, bro, I was, I've never been as exhausted as I've been in my entire
19:15
life.
Those 14 days that I was shearing sheep up with the sun, feeling the grass, cutting the hay, going
19:22
to the horse auction, right?
Like they, they work hard.
19:24
I'm not saying you, we can't work hard, but what I'm saying is like, like their, their focus on
their work was, was literally they're thinking about their family the entire time and they're
19:36
working with their family, right?
They're, they are surrounded by their family.
19:40
So yes.
So if your, if your drive and if your productivity is taking you away from family, it's, it's a lie,
19:48
bro.
Like, like you're living the lie.
19:49
You're, you're, you're chasing after emptiness.
And so like, like, if that drive is going to pull you towards family, then then that's it.
20:00
Here's another thing.
I mean, I think that the Amish can bring into this conversation.
20:05
You know I I always thought that the Amish were anti technology but what I quickly realized was that
when I asked Willis cuz he had a flip phone, it was crazy.
20:13
I'm like wait a second, Amish have flip phones?
What's happening?
20:17
This is ruining my he's like no listen Carlos, we're not anti technology.
We ask ourselves 2 questions with every piece of technology that comes into our community.
20:26
And I think as men, we need to ask ourself this, the two questions we asked.
So if there's a new piece of technology, whether it be, you know, E bikes, you know, that that was
20:33
like the latest big piece of technology that the Amish started using instead of horse and buggies.
Now they're riding E bikes.
20:39
They said, they said we had a, we had two or three years of conversations before we allowed
ourselves to have eBags because the two questions we asked with every piece of technology is, is
20:50
this piece of technology going to bring us closer together as a family, or is this piece of
technology going to take us farther apart?
20:58
And so when they asked that, they're like, they're like, that's why, Carlos, we don't have cars
because we know that if we have cars, if Miss Smith's barn burns down and I'm 400 miles away, I'm
21:10
not going to be able to rebuild her barn in 24 hours like we we can now because we never get too far
away from each other to where we can't be back together to support and to help each other in crisis.
0:00
And so again, those two questions, is this piece of technology going to pull us farther apart or
21:27
bring us closer together?
I think as men we need to be asking ourselves the same questions.
21:30
Yes, yes, yes.
Wow, that is so good and I love what you're saying here.
21:38
It has to be family focused, all the goals, all the dreams, all the ambitions, they have to be
centered around and with family.
21:51
Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely love that.
21:53
And and I feel it's, I feel that so deeply, so strongly, like it's about family.
In fact, this morning we, we have a few families staying here with us at our at our resort and we
22:03
were talking about this this morning.
It's like if we could heal the world, if we could just start healing families, and those family
22:11
relationships would then heal communities and societies.
Yeah, yeah, it's true.
22:16
It's true.
And and then I'm, I'm telling you, just just even having your kids see you chase after healing.
22:22
We got parents that are on their Phone 7 hours a day telling their kids to stay off their screens.
And I just noticed that when we chase after something, our kids are going to chase after it too.
22:31
And so one of the things I tell people is like when I, when I came home with and I didn't look at a
screen with my family.
22:36
OK, so I spent two weeks with the monks, no screens, two weeks with the Amish, no screens, and then
three weeks with my family, no screens.
22:42
I did not implement a single rule about them not being on their screens.
I said, hey, Dad's not going to be on the screen.
22:48
You guys can still watch Netflix or whatever it is you're going to do.
My family's screen time went down 50%.
22:53
Why?
Simply because I wasn't online.
22:55
So, so it just, you know, it things are, are within family, things are caught rather than taught.
And that that's just what I, you know what, again, I'm trying to help people with.
23:05
Man, I love it.
And it really goes back to this something I love to to share and teach and and live try to strive to
23:10
live by.
It's like if we don't live the message, then in a very frank way, we suck as the messenger.
23:18
Yeah.
And and if we're live that message, man, it just, it radiates and it leads.
23:23
And we can be the tide of change that comes in and lifts all the family boats.
Yeah, for sure.
23:29
Wow.
How do you think that experience in this journey has changed the way you show up as a husband and as
23:36
a father?
Well, it shows up as a husband.
23:39
You know, there's been a lot.
My father's death, my wife's mother's death within two weeks of each other.
23:45
The last few months has really, you know, tested the stability of what it feels like to walk through
trauma, you know, like together.
23:54
And I feel like because I have lessen the amount, I don't even want to call it.
I don't even want to talk about like screen time per SE, because yes, I was on my Phone 7 hours a
24:04
day before.
I mean, that's a lot, right?
24:06
But, but I think, well, I'm an entrepreneur and I'm a, I'm an author and I'm this is what I do for a
living or those are my excuses.
24:11
Well, now it's crazy.
I'm on my phone 3 hours a day.
24:13
That's my average now.
OK, three hours.
24:15
So that's four hours every single day that I've gained back to pour back into my being a husband,
being a father, all of these things.
24:24
So like, that's massive.
We're only awake I don't know how many hours a day.
24:28
And so to gain back four of those hours, One of the things that my oldest, oldest daughter said to
me when I wasn't on my screen is she said, I'll never forget.
24:38
I mean, this was to 2022 when I did this.
And so I guess she was a senior in high school.
24:42
She said, Dad, get this, this is crazy.
When I wasn't on my screen for three weeks around her at the end she's crying.
24:48
She's like, I don't want you to get your phone back.
And I said, why?
24:51
She goes, this is the purest.
She goes, this is the purest version of you I've ever had.
24:57
And I was like, holy cow, like, like she got a pure version of me, right?
She she got, she got that.
25:03
And so, yeah, it was it's, it's really crazy.
My wife cried.
25:07
Everyone cried when I had to go get it back right.
But what I've done is I've sustainably created things that I put place in my life that allow me now
25:17
for I listen, I'm just as successful, if not more than I was in 2022.
I'm getting just as much done, if not more as I was in 2022.
25:25
And I decreased my screen time by about 60% a day.
And So what that's done is it's made me more available.
25:32
It's made me more accessible again to my family.
And again, society's tricking us into thinking how we've got to, like, somehow be staring off into
25:41
the abyss and into some alternate universe as opposed to being present.
And so, yeah, you know, I've, I've applied a few kind of principles, given some handlebars in my
25:51
life that's allowed me to be a lot more present.
That's actually where I wanted to go.
25:54
I was, I was literally thinking that it's like, what are what are some strategies and principles and
practices you're using now that they're working to make that sustainable?
26:03
So you know, simple things like 1 trick that I tell people all the time that'll literally give them
an entire hour back.
26:10
OK, according to like average screen time in America.
OK, may not be the same where you're at, but I'm, I'm assume I've been to the most remote parts of
26:19
Africa and, and these homeboys are on their smartphones.
You know, like they're charging them car batteries.
26:24
Like, this isn't, this isn't an American thing, right?
It's everywhere, man.
26:28
It's, it's everywhere like, like I'm like.
And so one of the things that that I learned is that the average American spends the last 30 minutes
26:36
that they're awake and the and then the 1st 30 minutes after they wake up consuming more content
than my great grandparents generation consumed in a month.
26:45
OK, this is mind blowing.
OK, so, so just those just the the last 30 minutes and then the 1st 30 minutes after you're awake.
26:52
So what I tell people is one thing that will automatically give you a whole hour back one hour right
away.
26:57
OK, that's 7 hours a week.
That's, you know, I mean, think about it, you know, it, it starts adding up is by buying an alarm
27:05
clock.
So, so all I tell people to do is go to Target or whatever, buy an alarm clock, put it next to your
27:11
bed.
Do not use your phone as an alarm clock.
27:14
Do not plug it in another room.
OK.
27:16
What that's going to do is it's going to give you a whole hour, 30 minutes before you go to bed that
you're normally scrolling 30 minutes after you wake up.
27:22
So that's an hour, right?
And then what I do is I've done some things like, you know, I love the news.
27:27
I love to stay informed.
I love to be a part of knowing what's happening in the world and then in in America.
27:32
But I saw that my screen time on news apps and on X was like, you know, you, you get on to read 1
news story.
27:37
Next thing you know, an hour later you know it's.
It's just, it's where I'm.
27:40
Sitting.
Well, so you know what I do?
27:43
I, I, I subscribe to my local newspaper and every morning I wake up, I walk to my front yard.
There's a actual newspaper in my front yard wrapped in plastic.
27:52
Got some dude at 6:00 AM threw in my front yard.
What does that do?
27:55
I, I make my cup of coffee, I read the newspaper.
I feel like I'm like 1975.
28:00
My dad back in time.
Yeah, it and, and, and here's the thing, Greg.
28:05
I still get to read all the news, right?
But guess what?
28:09
The news isn't chasing me anymore.
And now if something else happens on planet Earth, well, let's say I'll normally finish reading the
28:17
paper by 8:30 AM.
By 8:30 AM and 6:00 AM the next morning, I guess I'll just find out tomorrow.
28:23
You know, like we don't have to know like we we've tricked ourselves into thinking that knowledge is
somehow keeping us in control of our lives.
28:31
Well, how's that going for us right?
Like the more knowledge we have, the smarter we get the ChatGPT, the grok all the things that are,
28:37
you know, making us quote UN quote more knowledgeable.
They're not making us any better.
28:41
And so I'm just kind of like I'm not the anti screen guy.
I'm just saying that life is more beautiful on the other side of the screen.
28:47
And when you start falling back in love with what's on the the other side of the screen, you just
pick up your phone less.
28:52
When you start doing things that make you feel alive, you just pick up your phone less.
And so you know, this isn't my message isn't about rules and rigidity.
28:59
It's about no falling back in love with wondering, noticing, savoring, getting lost.
I challenge every man that's listening to this right now, the next place you have to go that you
29:09
don't know how to get there, look up the directions before you leave your house, write them down on
a napkin and try to navigate and just go, you know, and there's going to be something awakened
29:18
inside of you that has been asleep for a long time.
So there's all these things that I that I relearned during this experiment that I'm trying to teach
29:25
people now love.
That bro, we drove this is crazy.
29:30
And even the people hearing this may not even know this whole story, but when we had, we had five
little kids.
29:37
Our we, we moved to Alaska for a year and my wife delivered our fifth child up there.
And while we were up there, we heard about this family that had ridden their bicycles from the top
29:49
of Alaska to the bottom of Argentina.
Wow.
29:53
That's wild.
That's wild.
29:56
Drive it like we're not going to.
We're not crazy enough to bicycle, but what if we drive it and we bought this truck, we load up our
30:03
little family and we drove super slowly, wandering, meandering for a long time.
And we did Alaska to Panama and we didn't use masks.
30:14
Wow.
We would occasionally pull up something and look and be like, OK, let's just go and we'll ask
30:20
locals.
And we just wandered.
30:21
Yes.
Yes, yes, unreal.
30:25
The connection with people and place.
Yes, yes, yes, spectacular.
30:31
And you probably felt more alive doing that than ever.
If Siri was going in 400 feet, turn left, turn.
30:37
This way, yeah, You're wandering around.
We felt, we felt so connected to each other, to nature, like we were so keenly aware of what was
30:48
happening.
The sunrises and sunsets and all the wilderness and around us, any of the cities and then the people
30:54
and the places and the smells and the culture and traditions and religions.
And it was beautiful and wonderful.
31:00
You're right, You felt so alive.
So alive and, and we're just, you know, again, again, I think knowledge is feeding a false sense of
31:09
control.
And you know, and we all want to feel in control.
31:11
I'm not saying that that wanting to be in control is a bad thing.
I'm just saying that we're not in control.
31:16
I I love your point.
It's not working.
31:18
No, it's it's like again, that's my question is how's this working for us guys?
Like like are we better?
31:23
Like like, like is, is society better or how's it?
No, it's not.
31:27
So you know, I, I do think there's a, you know, and I don't want to turn into conspiracy theorists,
but like I do feel like there's a pendulum that is swinging really fast, but that that we don't even
31:36
see that's going to bust through back to the other side.
And and there's man, there's just a desire for I think, I think there's a desire because we're the
31:46
world is moving so fast for it to come crashing to a halt to where we were forced to to live again
and be human again in ways that maybe we were created to be human.
31:58
You know, technology has forced us to really eliminate a lot of those things and.
I think all of us, if we stop and just kind of lift up our heads a little bit, if we, if we look
32:07
away from our screens, I think it's pretty easy for all of us to see that a lot of relationships are
becoming dysfunctional.
32:16
Yes, even.
Relationships with ourselves, but then you're seeing it in families, you're seeing it in communities
32:22
as people aren't able to cooperate and even disagree in, in, you know, amiable ways.
So you're right.
32:30
It's becoming so dysfunctional.
Well, there's there has to be something to shake that up.
32:36
And again, I think we're looking for what like another app or something to help us or another app to
shake those things up to fake or another piece of technology.
32:44
And I'm sitting here going, listen, Greg and your listeners, like I, I spent, I spent all this, I
spent all this time with the Amish, right?
32:51
I'm living with the Amish.
Can I tell you something?
32:53
I'm not Amish for a reason, OK?
Like, like, like I, I'm, I'm not down with, with the, you know, all the Amish beliefs and all the,
33:01
and so like that Willis, my farmer friend who I lived with and I, we, we vehemently disagreed on a
whole lot, right?
33:10
Like, vehemently disagreed on a whole lot of politics, a whole lot of, you know, societal issues all
did.
33:17
You dialogue through it.
Did you talk about?
33:18
It so this is this is what I'm this is what I'm going to tell you.
It's like, it's like we disagreed so much, but guess what?
33:25
Like we, we talked about these things face to face, breath to breath over a 90 minute shared meal.
And you cannot hate a person breath to breath.
33:37
Yeah, it's just I'm telling you it's almost impossible.
And so we would disagree about things.
33:43
But if you have a meal for 90 minutes, you can't disagree about you don't want to have a meal for 90
minutes and hate the person you sit across from.
33:49
So the conversation goes up and then it goes to somewhere else and go somewhere else.
And, and we are so close now, OK, that we, when we're together, we call ourselves willows, right?
33:58
We're like, we just combine our names like I'm like sheep farmer guy.
We're like best friends.
34:02
And the reason why we got there is because we were able to like, bro, we talked about like hot topic
issues every single day that the Amish are very opinionated on.
34:12
I'm very opinionated on.
And we, we didn't disagree to disagree.
34:16
We disagree and, and our relationship got closer and got better.
But but with these with these, we just, you know, we're, we're just like using our thumbs on a six
34:26
inch piece of LCD and, you know, there's no relationship involved.
And so, yeah, man, it's going to be face to face we're.
34:33
Getting on and and leaving terrible, horrible mean comments and, and being so rude and harsh where
you're right, we, we've lost this.
34:43
Well, no, no, let's, let's get face to face and let's be humans.
Let's treat each other like humans.
34:49
It's so easy to objectify through a device.
Absolutely.
34:53
Did did you feel like the the Amish were well informed and.
My gosh, yes Oh yeah.
34:59
I mean, it was it was really cool.
Like I thought, what was the one thing that I was like, how are you?
35:03
So I mean, no, no offense to Amish people.
I, I just didn't think that they were like educated, like, like they were, and I mean, do they read?
0:00
They read and they, they are, I mean, we were talking like quantum physics.
35:18
We were like, like they are, they are up and they are thinking and they are curious and, and you
know, I, I think that was one of the other things is, you know, they, they read the paper, They've
35:28
got their own paper.
They eat.
35:29
One of the weird things is like, you know, Willis was like, I'm a fan of the Cleveland Browns and
I'm like, well, first of all, why, why are you, why did you choose them?
35:37
But second of all, how do you, do you watch the games?
He's like, no, he's like, do you listen on the radio?
35:43
He's like, no, he reads about the games.
I like it is so crazy.
35:50
So.
Oh gosh, hold on.
35:51
I was going to tell you something else.
Oh yeah.
35:53
Just just with like how well informed they actually are.
Just it was, it was really fascinating to me that they probably, because they read as supposed to
36:00
listen, probably are even more informed than we are because we we get, we get these these 32nd clips
from a podcaster that we love about some, you know, hot Topic issue.
36:11
And then that's our new line and we're not thinking about anything, right?
Like, like they're really thinking and so.
36:17
Because yeah, that was really cool.
Reading leads to that.
36:19
Reading is so powerful that way.
So I was seeing that when you, when you said that most people on their phones, the 1st 30 minutes
36:24
and the last 30 minutes, that's probably the worst times to be on a screen of your waking hours.
Like that's got to be the worst times.
36:31
Absolutely.
Years ago I just decided I'm like I'm going to begin my day and end my day with books, good books
36:37
and literally book ending my days.
Let's start and finish the days with books and.
36:44
I'm in great classics and.
Yeah, inspiration.
36:47
What are you reading right now?
So I'm at night.
36:50
I read from Plutarch's Lives like the 12 from Plutarch.
In the morning I get up, I do Bible study and and some commentary on on scriptures or or and or a
37:01
spiritual text and then I dive into personal development and like business business books.
OK.
37:07
Wow, that's awesome.
Yeah, it's it's like I'm feeding my mind.
37:10
I'm bringing it and reminding me of all the things I want to do and how I want to live life.
And but I'm starting my day and ending my day.
37:16
Slow, deliberate, thoughtful reading has that power.
Yes, yes.
37:22
And you again, I, I need people to know this.
Like slowness doesn't mean accomplishing less slowness doesn't mean being less driven slow.
37:32
Like I actually think that the slower maybe you go, the more capable you are and the more you know
accomplished you can become when you when you slow down, when you read, when you start doing these
37:43
things that again, I think we've been tricked out of believing that they're not good for us.
And this makes me think, just coming up with this phrase by hearing you teach this message, you
37:52
know, we've heard that sometimes less is more.
Yeah.
37:55
And in some ways slower is faster.
Yeah, Yeah.
37:59
Oh, yeah, It's for you just said that.
I heard a quote.
38:05
I can't remember who said it, but they're like, what if the way to catch up with God is by slowing
down?
38:10
Yeah, I.
Love this man.
38:11
And, and I think, OK, I want to, I actually want to go back to healing because you've mentioned it a
couple times and I think you're absolutely right.
38:18
For healing to take place, there has to be this big screeching halt, either a halt or a slow down.
Like you got to slow down and do the inner work and you got to make space in your life for what's
38:30
inside to come up to be addressed.
Yeah, yeah.
38:33
And process it.
Yeah.
38:35
So let's talk about healing for a little bit because in my experience, what my own personal
experience, I, I had to heal from a lot of just junk that happened.
38:43
My parents divorced, Stepdads came and went.
I was out on my own, went through some, you know, lived in some rough areas, experienced some rough
38:49
things, right?
It was, it was just tough and I needed to process all that and I had all my own insecurities and my
38:54
own fears and issues and whatever.
I had to process all that.
38:57
But I find that working with men across 5 continents so far for over 2 decades, almost every man has
some internal wounds, maybe.
39:07
Yeah, well, some, some have wounds that need healing, some have just disturbances, obstacles,
whatever.
39:14
And I find, at least in my experience, like if we if we don't remove those inner obstacles, then we
stumble in life on the outward.
39:23
Yeah, yeah, right.
So let's talk.
39:25
Let's talk through healing.
Yeah.
39:27
Well, I mean that this is where I am like, I'm a, I'm a big I'm, I'm probably a little bit more on
the spectrum of like, I, I honestly believe that every behavior that a man or woman has in their
39:39
life that is truly a detriment to their family or to themselves has its birthplace in a wound
somewhere.
39:49
I agree.
In a wound somewhere.
39:51
I mean, dude, I mean, this is where I'm at as a man.
I spent four days in Ohio doing a therapy intensive to find some wounds in my life that have caused
40:02
people pain in my adult life.
And guess what those wounds were that were uncovered were when I was five years old, right, Greg?
40:09
A lot like 5 years old.
I had to go to back to five years old.
40:12
To talk to little Carlos who was wounded traumatically and bring Jesus into that place of wounding
and find healing in there.
40:22
And guess what these wounds are and the healing that needs to happen a lot of times are in our
childhood and and what happened is like we, we've got these moments of impact of trauma that it's
40:32
like a guitar delay pedal, right?
Like you hit it to Ting to Ting to and the rest of your life, that delay pedal just going it just
40:39
keeps bouncing.
And what we have to do is, you know, we we've tried, I've tried my hardest to like stop whatever
40:46
behavior it is, right my with my strength and my power and my grit and my self help books and all
these things.
40:52
I guess what happens if I go back to the wound and I find that one and I find healing from that
wound at the beginning, I get to tap off the delay pedal and boom, guess what?
41:03
Look, all the delays are gone now, right?
And so I, I am the biggest proponent of men going to therapy, inner healing, prayer, finding
41:11
healing.
And you know, I'm not saying everyone has to go to like 6 hours a day of intensive therapy like I
41:16
did a week ago.
But I am saying that like that, like therapy will help, you know, dig down to find the problem spot
41:23
that that I think a lot of men are avoiding.
Wow, so like I had, I, I was clueless, right?
41:29
I was just rolling through life trying to figure things out.
And I was, this is a teenager.
41:33
I was, I was so hungry, so desperate for relationships or happiness, for success.
I just, I had to get out of the, the crummy conditions I was living in, you know, sixteen, 1718
41:48
years old.
I didn't know what I was doing, but I I fell in love with books.
41:54
Like books became my lifeline.
And and I came across this term years later called bibliotherapy.
42:00
It's literally therapy from books.
Yeah.
42:03
And so as as a young man, I was spending a couple hours a day in the gym and, you know, martial
arts, hitting a boxing bag and reading books.
42:13
Yeah.
I was healing.
42:15
There you go.
And I was getting the therapy from, from the great books because I didn't even know.
42:19
I didn't know even therapy existed back then.
I didn't even know the thing.
42:22
But I went through the process and I did the inner work and then I kept doing it, you know, through,
through my late teens, early 20s and 30s, like resolving anything that came up and it's
42:35
uncomfortable.
Yeah, it is.
42:37
You know, and everybody listening knows that, but we can't avoid it just because it's uncomfortable.
Right, right, it actually.
42:46
Has to be addressed.
If it's uncomfortable and it probably needs to be addressed, right?
42:52
Like if, if, if it's if it's uncomfortable, it's like, well, Ding, Ding, Ding.
There it is.
42:56
There there's the thing that you probably need to, you know, lean into.
And so.
43:00
Yeah, man.
And the truth is, is that healing can happen for all of us.
43:05
You know, like every single person that's listening to this right now has something unhealed in
their life.
43:09
Yeah.
I mean, you can start working on it today, you know, and, and that healing is going to be able to
43:14
bring about healing not just in you, but in the rest of the people, your family, your marriage,
your, your kids, your relationships with your friends.
43:21
Like all of those things, the better I get, the more healed I get, the more healed everything around
me gets in your.
43:28
Life.
Everything in my life gets, you know?
43:31
Exactly.
And that, that wound, if you think about it like it's, it's this painful sensitivity and it's gets
43:37
easily triggered and, and it hurts and you kind of protect, you know, you, you start acting a little
awkward and you may not even be aware of it, right.
43:45
So unconsciously, you're just protecting that, that spot and like, don't talk about it, don't bring
it up, don't come near me.
43:51
And I'm, I'm feeling a little off.
And so I make maybe I'm a little grumpy.
43:55
I'm a little distant.
And it, it has this ripple effect through your whole life.
43:59
I love how you're saying that the like guitar sounds this reverberating.
Yeah.
44:03
And we just gotta go in, turn that off.
And it's like.
44:05
Yes, yeah.
Now the inner peace.
44:08
It's really it's it's really there and you know what we're I don't want to get again, too therapy
ish on everybody.
44:15
But like all of the feelings of shame, all of the all of these things that it's really based on our
feelings that we, you know, we're so hard on ourselves.
44:23
They all have a root in a single wound like that.
They all do.
44:28
And if we can just uncover those things and bring healing to those things, I'm I'm just telling you,
people will be able to breathe.
44:34
Here's here's how to explain it like so last week, So again, I can I can use my my little bit of
last week when I went to this therapy intensive, when I left, I felt like I had an inhaler to an
44:45
asthmatic right.
It's like I didn't even know I was having an asthma attack that I was living my entire adult life as
44:51
an asthma.
And then all of a sudden I was like, holy cow, is this what it actually feels like to breathe?
44:57
Like I didn't even know it.
And so I think so many of us are actually suffocating and we don't know it until you find the wound.
0:00
Yeah.
45:05
You're just too used to it.
You find the wound, you, you, you get your little inhaler of, of freedom and healing.
45:10
You take a hit and you're like, oh, wait a second.
If this is what it feels like to breathe and I didn't even know I was wasn't breathing before, I
45:16
don't ever want to go back to, to that again.
And so, you know, Yeah, man.
45:20
Bro, I think that's the perfect metaphor.
We're we're rolling along.
45:24
We don't even know.
You don't even know.
45:27
Great example, but we'll take it one step farther.
Ready.
45:30
When I moved to Nashville when I was 40, I'd never had asthma in my entire life, ever.
And I started like my wife was like, you're wheezing every night.
45:38
You sound like Darth Vader when you're sleeping.
And I was like, what?
45:41
She's like, yeah.
Now, little did I know that Nashville is in Middle Tennessee, which is like allergy capital of
45:45
America.
And so I'm breathing in tree pollen, grass, pond, all these things.
45:49
So I go to an allergist and he told me that I was only using 60% of my lung capacity.
I blew into this tube and he goes, yeah, man, the reason why you're wheezing is your lungs are only
45:59
functioning at 60%.
That's what I told him.
46:01
I go, I feel fine and he goes.
It's because you've gotten used to not being able to breathe.
46:07
There it is.
There it is, yeah.
46:10
Yes, so true.
That's awesome.
46:14
Yeah.
OK, let's shift gears.
46:15
That was so good.
I want to learn about your business strategies and writing strategies.
46:19
Like give us a day in the life of or a week in the life of.
How are you cranking out content running your business and still stay engaged with your wife and
46:27
kids?
Well, I, I did it all on my own forever.
46:33
I was solopreneur guy forever.
So like 15 years, it's just me.
46:37
I didn't have any help whatsoever.
And, and it's because I was good.
46:40
Anyone that I tried to like come in and help me.
I was like, I can actually do, I can do better than them.
46:44
Like why am I going to pay someone to edit my podcast?
It doesn't sound near as good as when I do it or edit my, it doesn't sound near as good.
46:49
Well, I actually finally gave in and I'm actually able to now be on my phone 3 hours a day instead
of seven hours a day because I got help.
46:58
And so I, I, I finally started like I brought in Whitney from Wisconsin is what we call her.
She's my assistant and she is crushing it.
47:05
She's like she and I, I hate even calling her an assistant.
She's like my second brain, right.
47:09
And so she comes in, I've got a management team now that, you know, are kind of managing a lot of
the business aspects of kind of what I'm doing in my career and where I'm going.
47:17
But individually now I'm making content every day.
I'm making videos every day.
47:20
I'm, you know, editing it on my phone every single day.
I've got a podcast, I've got books, I'm speaking.
47:26
And so I have to make sure that that if I'm not, cuz if I'm not careful, it can completely consume
my entire life, right?
47:34
There's endless ways to get our message out there now.
And so I have just made a decision that, you know, again, for me, it's ended up about 3 hours a day
47:44
on my phone.
But I write that this is what I do with my writing muscle.
47:48
I write every day.
So every single day I write 365 days a week, excuse me, a week, a year.
47:54
I'm writing and I'm making sure that that muscle, it is continually activated so when it's time to
write the book, the next book or whatever, I'm already there and I don't have to get there again.
48:04
You're in good condition.
I'm good and nobody's ever reading these two paragraphs a day that I'm writing.
48:10
So I tell people all the time, if you want to be a writer, write everyday, write 2 paragraphs a day,
keep it in your notes.
48:15
I could sit here and write about this, you know, this hat, this USS Kitty Hawk CV 63 hat that I have
sitting on my desk right now.
48:22
And I'll just, I'll write about that and I'll keep that muscle engaged.
And so everyday I write at least two paragraphs a day.
48:28
If I'm in book writing season, then I've got a goal to write like gosh, 1500 words, right?
And so I'm setting these writing goals that I'm doing with my kind of Tiktok and YouTube and
48:40
Instagram and things like that.
I know that I'm going to post maybe two or three formidable pieces of content that I've created that
48:48
I've I'm wanting people to share a week.
But then I'm also just touching, you know, a touch point in stories every single day.
48:55
You know, the people that follow me on all the places they follow me because I'm, you know, I, I
talk about my family, I talk about my parents and they're kind of learning from my life as opposed
49:05
to me being like, you know, if you want to be less narcissistic, you know, like whatever.
Again, I'm more of a storyteller teacher as I am like a point by point teacher.
49:13
And so I'm doing that, you know, when I'm travelling, that's when I could get a tendency to be, you
know, playing days or whatever you're, you know, you're on your phone, you know, a lot more.
49:22
And so, so, yeah, you know, I, I think by getting a team around me, it just changed everything, man.
Every time my wife looks at Whitney, she's just like, you gave me my husband back.
49:30
Like how, how can we make sure that you never leave, you know?
And so how did you find Whitney?
49:35
That's one of the the guys listening.
They have such a hard time finding good workers.
49:39
Yes, yes.
Well, so I spent a lot of money to find Whitney.
49:43
I tried assistance before and I'm which is again, some people can find success in it, but the
virtual route or whatever.
49:49
And for me, I literally went and found a business hiring coach and I and I hired him and he tested
me.
49:57
Like I thought I was being tested by the FBI.
Like it was mind blowing the amount of tests.
50:01
And I was like, what is happening here?
He tested me.
50:03
Then he goes out and then he pulled like he had tested all of these other possibilities.
Then he found the three.
50:09
Then I interviewed the three, then my wife interviewed the three.
And then we, because Whitney's also like she's not just my assistant.
50:16
She helped with my daughter's wedding last summer.
Like she's helping my wife just as much as she's, you know, helping, yeah kind of family.
50:22
Yeah.
And so.
50:23
That's awesome.
She's, she's, she's in, man, She's in.
50:26
And so it's funny because when I met Whitney, I think I was always looking for someone that I like
vibed with, you know?
50:33
And there was like no vibe.
That's our biggest mistake.
50:35
We go looking for people that are like us.
Yes, people that can compliment.
50:40
Us there was no vibe at all and I just was like, man, I don't know, man, I'm just not not feeling
it.
50:45
And Heather's like, oh, then I think this is the one.
And I was like, I don't know, like she's not she doesn't laugh at my jokes.
50:50
She's not like, you know, like, like like just kind of stares at me when I want some sort of
expression.
50:55
And bro, little did I know that was going to be the secret myself.
Like I can't even fathom life without this perfect hire.
51:03
So again, and maybe it's going to take a little bit more work than people are doing.
And more money that's that's more money from you is like, yeah, more work, a lot more work than you
51:12
thought and a lot of work than I thought or the guys listening is like put in more work.
Yes, yes.
51:18
What?
You get yes, high quality man.
51:21
Oh my gosh.
And people want to steal her all the time.
51:24
Every everyone she ends up talking to working on behalf of me, they're like, dude, she's like, where
did you find her?
51:28
I was like in Wisconsin.
She was working at her parents coffee shop.
51:31
Like I moved her to Nashville.
So yeah, she's awesome.
51:34
Very cool.
OK, so first thing in the morning is when you're fresh.
51:38
Is that when you're writing?
Yep.
51:39
So I write especially if my book, if I'm writing my book like I, I'm writing, yeah, probably 6:00
AM.
51:47
So I'll, I'll go from 6:00 AM to to 9:00 AM if I'm in book writing zone when I'm writing just to
write like by daily writing, sometimes that'll be in the afternoon, sometimes it's in the morning.
51:58
That that's pretty short those two paragraphs.
So I can kind of fit that, that wherever.
52:03
But if I'm writing for a project and I just launched a course called human School.
And so, you know, it's 12 modules, like tons of content.
52:11
So when I was writing for all that, that was in the morning as well.
I just feel like again, I'm the, I'm the most fresh.
52:16
I'm not exhausted.
If I've gotten a good night's sleep, I can do that.
52:19
So.
Inspiration, folks, is that is human school you're going on right now or you were going on a new
52:24
project.
Yeah, so human, right?
52:26
Now.
Yeah, Human School just came out like, yes, or two days ago, actually.
52:30
Actually, it comes out.
It comes out on Monday, this coming Monday.
52:33
The cart closed on Thursday, so we're talking on Friday right now.
And so like I spent the last seven days launching this community called Human School, where again,
52:41
I'm, I'm helping people rediscover the lost art of being human, which in turn is going to help them
be on their screens less and all the things.
52:47
And so yeah, dude, I've never done anything like this before.
And I'm trying to travel less.
52:51
So, you know, I'm trying to create some sort of sustainable income with it.
Again, I built a large Instagram following and a large YouTube following but now I'm like OK do I?
53:00
How can I not get on airplanes and fly to DC every week that.
Was my other question because because now, yeah, when you moved it to the speaking gig, like you're
53:07
all over the place.
Like in a month?
53:08
How often are you traveling?
Last year, I think I did nighty events.
53:14
I mean, do the math, bro.
Like it's, it's a lot.
53:15
You know, the year before that I did a book tour.
So that, so I was doing like an event, a night like I'm on a bus and like we're like, you know, kind
53:22
kind of grinding like that.
And so man, I'm 51, I'm kind of over it.
53:26
And I've had some buddies that have been really successful with online communities and courses and,
and so they kind of helped me, you know, get the idea behind this.
53:32
And bro, I'm really excited about it.
Like this is something that I'll relaunch again.
53:37
I put a lot of effort and money into it.
And I think it's going to help people, man.
53:42
I think it's going to help families.
I think it's going to help businessmen, business women, leaders, entrepreneur.
53:47
I think it's going to help people again.
I'm just into helping people rediscover the lost arts of being human again.
53:53
Noticing, wondering, savouring, you know, solitude, boredom, all of these things that we've
forgotten how to do, you know?
53:59
So yeah, man.
So that's, that's been, I'm taking a big breath because I just got done good launching that.
54:04
Yeah.
Congratulations, brother.
54:06
Thank you.
Let's just wrap up with kind of this one last idea You have this opportunity to share, you know one
54:13
of the things you feel like is the most important messages for right now.
Yeah.
54:19
And you shared already so many great things, but you just say, hey, you know, people need to hear
this.
54:24
What would that be?
Yeah, yeah.
54:26
There's a phrase that in 2020 I started using that I heard from a friend of mine that I felt like
kind of was a realignment for me when it, when it came to living in this really polarized world that
54:39
we live in right now.
You know, people tell me all the time that Carlos, the world's more divided than it's ever been,
54:44
right?
That that's what they say.
54:45
And I'm like, actually, if you go to the library and pick up a history book, the world's not more
divided than it's ever been.
54:51
Like I, I know that that's what we feel and that's what we see.
The truth is we just have more access to other people's opinions than we've ever had before.
55:00
So what do we do with that?
How can we walk side by side with people in this deeply polarized world?
55:05
There's a phrase that my buddy Mike taught me.
He said, Carlos, when people want me to make a stand on an issue, where do you stand on this issue
55:13
like that?
But all they're wanting me to do is become polarized in their life.
55:16
So I say, I don't stand on issues, I walk with people.
I don't stand on issues.
55:21
I walk with people.
And so for me, what I think implementing that in our lives is like, you know, we we can all be
55:28
opinionated on tariffs and politics and all you can have an opinion on an issue.
But what I don't think we need to do is solidify our feet into the ground and not walk alongside
55:40
people that have differing viewpoints and opinions than us.
And so I think my example with Willis, my example with, you know, some of the monks, you know, like,
55:49
like that's what it looks like to not stand on an issue, but walk with people.
Willis has very strong beliefs and issues.
55:55
I have very differing beliefs and issues.
But guess what?
55:58
We were farming together and we were walking together side by side.
I, I think that's the last thing I'd say to people is like, Hey, listen, within your business,
56:06
you're going to find that you're going to have to walk with people that you vehemently disagree
with.
56:09
Within your families, you're going to find that you have to walk with people, children that have
made decisions to dis to, you know, your kids are going to grow up and become adults and they're
56:17
going to make up their own minds and they're going to make up their minds differently than your mind
has been made-up and teaching them their entire life.
56:23
So it's going to be your kids you're going to have to walk with that you vehemently disagree with.
So I think that phrase don't stand on issues.
56:29
Walk with people has grown a little bit on me to include more than just like hot topics.
No, like this is going to be every single day.
56:35
What does that look like?
It's not the.
56:37
Marriage it's it's right with your own your wife and she's like, she's you're such a different human
being.
56:43
I, I can't pick a fight with her all the time.
I can't let the issue be this dividing thing.
56:48
It's like I got to learn to walk with her, hold her hand and and even disagree and and yeah, with
with your kids, with everybody.
56:55
I love that brother.
And I've, I'm, I'm finding I've been thinking about recently because we have, we have so many good
57:02
friends as we've travelled all over the world, like we've taken our kids to 60 some odd countries.
You just connect.
57:09
If you're open and you have an open mind, an open heart, you just connect with humans all over.
Absolutely, Absolutely.
57:16
I love it.
I love having friends and and close connections with people who think and live very, very different
57:25
than I do.
I deeply appreciate that.
57:30
When I was younger, I didn't I I wanted to surround myself with people that were like me.
Now I'm finding like I want to with people that are not like.
57:38
Last phrase, sorry, I do have one more, one more, one more thing I want to say.
It's and and it's, it's pretty fresh as far as scaffolding that I'm building.
57:48
I'm starting, I'm actually teaching this to HCA, which is a healthcare agency here in Nashville in a
few weeks.
57:53
Then I'm kind of building based on this kind of polarization world that we live in.
And you just said it like you use the word curious, like, oh, just to be curious about other people
58:01
that aren't like me, right?
And I feel like that word curiosity literally can be the thing that leads to change if so many
58:10
people want change, but they don't want to be curious.
And so the the kind of framework that I've built is curiosity leads to empathy, right?
58:18
Empathy leads to trust.
Trust leads to relationships and relationships will lead to change.
58:25
But people want to skip the empathy, the trust and relationship and go straight to the change.
Well, guess what?
58:30
It's going to take being curious, building trust, having empathy for the person that you disagree
with, and then you have a relationship and at that point maybe somebody's mind will change.
58:41
But guess what?
It may be your mind that changes and not even theirs.
58:44
Yes, well, I think it was Lincoln that said if you would win a man to your 'cause you must first
convince him that you are his sincere friend.
58:52
That's good it.
Makes me think I, you know, I've read a lot of World War Two books.
58:55
Well, just a lot of books I've read averaged a book a week for over 2 1/2 decades, right?
They just keep reading and keep learning.
59:02
And you read across time and space.
And there were so many times in history when people became so divided.
59:10
And, and my guess is it wasn't, it wasn't the bulk of the people, but they were just too quiet.
They kind of went along.
59:15
They were too complacent.
The extremes got so divided and, and they would go up to people and they had to know are, are you on
59:22
this side or this side like your friend was suggesting?
You're like, well, I'm not on either side.
59:26
But they want, they want to force you there.
They want you put it in a box.
59:29
And in the extreme situations, they would go and be like, are you this or this?
If you say this, I'll literally kill you.
59:34
They would just kill them right there or throw them in a, in a, in the gulags in, in Russia or in
concentration camps or just murder you.
59:42
And, and they want to force you that way.
And I'm, I'm saying let's with you.
59:47
No, no, no, let's, let's be human.
Yeah, yeah, let's.
59:52
Be connected.
Yeah, let's talk about the issues.
59:55
Let's be intelligent wise enough to realize it's not always black and white.
Totally.
1:00:00
It never is.
Right, right, right.
1:00:03
There's always exceptions and and there's so much to it.
Like, hey, let's let's get way past the superficial surface level thinking.
1:00:12
Let's really start to understand things and understand each other totally and and live together.
Yeah.
1:00:19
Yeah, wow brother, what a what a great, what a great message you have for the world, man.
What a great work for you and thank you for doing it.
1:00:25
How can people keep learning from you, connect with you and and find you?
Yeah, you know, Instagram's where I hang out most of the time at Loswit LOSWHIT, when school is
1:00:36
something that maybe they'd be interested in.
So if you go to my website, carloswhitaker.com, there's a wait list for when we hop into human
1:00:43
school next.
And then yeah, in my books, I'd say if you really want to get to know me, pick up a copy of
1:00:50
Reconnected or How to Human.
Those are my last two books and all of the messages we've been talking about today will be unpacked
1:00:57
even more in those.
So I.
1:00:59
Love it.
How much of a difference did those books make in your business in just connection with people and
1:01:05
audience?
I was just on Mike Rose podcast dirty Jobs, you know, like, like he he he's like top 15 podcasts in
1:01:11
the world.
They flew me to LA because he was like, I want to talk to this guy that didn't look at a phone
1:01:16
screen for seven weeks, right?
So it made a tremendous difference, right?
1:01:20
Like these books.
But here's the thing.
1:01:21
That was book five.
OK, So like I'm, I try to tell authors all the time, like, hey, you want to write your first book
1:01:27
and become an instant bestseller and like, no listen like that.
But this book was my first book that hit like, I hit the USA TODAY best sellers list.
1:01:35
I still haven't hit the New York Times best sell list.
I'm five books in.
1:01:38
I've, you know, I know I have friends of mine with half the amount of Instagram followers I have
that are hitting.
1:01:42
And I'm like, OK, guess what?
I have to write a better book.
1:01:44
It's like I have to keep getting better and keep getting better.
And so.
1:01:48
So yeah, you know, like, like, just keep going, man.
Don't give up.
1:01:51
Oh, I love that brother.
Thank you.
1:01:53
Thanks for being on here and thanks for what you're doing.
Thank you, Greg.
Carlos Whitaker
Carlos Whittaker is bringing hope to humans all over the world. And he’s pretty good at it: he’s an author, podcaster, and global speaker backed by the power of a massive Instafamilia, his enthusiastic social followers who tune in daily to join forces with Carlos to find connection, do good, and be in community.
When Carlos enters a room, he makes people feel seen. His super power is creating spaces—online and in-person—where people are safe to engage in conversation about the topics that matter most but are often avoided. His motto: don’t stand on issues, walk with people. That’s the professional stuff—but all day every day, Carlos is a family man.
He and his wife Heather live in Nashville, Tennessee, with their three amazing children, where you can find them working on the family farm, planning trips around the world, and dancing to Single Ladies (seriously, Google it).
