#27 Building a business empire while raising a family, with Shawn Villalovos

Gentlemen, welcome to the Be The Man podcast.

I'm your host, Greg Denning the Creator and Coach inside the vitamin masterclass and tribe which is a community of genuinely awesome.

Men seeking to be their best selves.

Right?

We just recently had another life training is just so good to get together with these men and share our struggles and challenges in our triumphs and to open up and get clarity about Our mission and purpose in life, and lean towards meaning, and fulfillment.

And to fill all the important roles we have as husbands and fathers, and leaders and businessmen and men.

And it's just so awesome today.

Gentlemen.

My guest on the show is Sean Villalobos and he has such a cool story that you're going to hear of being totally broken coming from a blue-collar family and getting into Financial Services, knowing nothing about finances.

And then, Really building an empire and what's so cool is.

He started having tremendous success and his future wife was having tremendous success in the same industry and then they got married and kind of joined their forces to build a great Empire and we talked about working together and when you know, what to do, when your wife is working and how to support her and what she's doing.

Now, Jamie just wrote a book called happy and strong and started a whole movement around that.

And we talked about their move and we talked about working together, What it takes to win and how to be uncomfortable, and push beyond the limits and be hypercritical.

Talk about how business is like baseball, and I'll let you listen in to that.

And, and not focusing on the money.

But like, digging into autobiographies and learning massive lessons and how to face difficulty and trial and how to get mentors.

Sean has is connected with some of the biggest names in the industry, cash in the world.

And how they They were mentoring them and leading him and and then working together and raising a family and just so many great lessons about faith and family, and finances, and fitness, and fun, and all that good stuff.

So, you are going to enjoy this interview as much as I did.

There's there's so much here and and Sean is a great example of being a husband a family man and a great businessman and really you know leaning into tremendous success in business but also in life.

So enjoy the show.

Be a man.

Hi Sean man.

Super grateful to have you here with us today, brother.

What do you start by giving us just a background kind of story.

What you what you got into, how you got into it?

What you're doing?

Yeah, glad to be here.

Thank you for having me.

My name is Shawn Villalobos, and my background is, I started in financial services. 23 years ago, prior to that, I grew up in a family that knew nothing about money.

I have no college degree.

We made it through High School, everyone in my family's blue-collar.

I'm the first guy to not do blue collar work, and my family and grew up in a family that you could call Jenner.

If you were being generous, lower middle class, but we always struggled, I my parents split up when I was two or three and so I lived with my mom.

She remarried had a couple kids divorce that guy and say so brother.

No waves story.

Yeah.

Wow.

Early on divorces.

We're broke my whole childhood.

Des came and went that's fascinating.

Okay.

Keep going.

Yeah, she married a second time.

That guy was fantastic.

That was second half of high school for me.

They got married told he was changing her life.

Quit smoking, quit drinking and they were on this great path.

And then on my 18th birthday, he got shot and so that messed that one up.

He didn't die, but he got shot.

And it changed.

Everything started drinking.

Again that got bad and they ended up getting divorced, it's just crazy.

And all of it was wrapped around.

I mean mostly finances, right?

When you grow up without money and you grow up in an environment like that, you see the effect, everyone says money, can't buy happiness, but I see lack of money affecting people more negatively than any other thing.

So, having it, knowing what to do with it.

More importantly, it makes a big difference in people's lives.

And so, when I came across my financial business, at 22 years old, I saw a place that was educating people on fundamentals, that could be taught in Middle School.

Cool.

And so I thought well at the very least, I'm going to learn this financial stuff and be able to get my own life on track financially.

Maybe make some better decisions at a younger age.

Help people in my family with that stuff and got excited about that, and that's what I pursued.

So, I started doing that from basically being a laborer, my whole life up until that point.

And my dad was a contractor.

My step one of my stepdads was a contractor.

I was around construction, my whole life that I Be more in that kind of industry and got in financial services and do nothing.

And as I started really struggled because I wasn't good at really anything that you need to be good at to do financial services but especially talking to people, which is funny because it's what I do for most of my day now is talk to people but I couldn't I wasn't good at caring conversation, I'm an introvert.

I I will not to this day.

I still won't go to marketing events where you're like mixers where you're supposed to go now, you know, networking events, things like that.

I I can't, I'll be if I go if I get talked into one somehow, I'll just sit off to Aside and meet a person and work.

My hardest to just talk to that one person the entire time so I don't have to go meet anybody else love it.

So no natural tendencies to do really well and sales or anything that has to do with speaking to people.

And so I had to learn and get good at that.

But I struggled in the beginning, I lived in my car for five or six months.

I was homeless.

I was meeting with guy earlier today and I actually It was funny because he has storage units, and he owns, I think four locations.

Now, of storage facilities.

And as I was talking to him, I remembered that during that time, I had all my stuff in storage, because the reason I was homeless is because I got rid of everything.

I moved out of the place I was running from, I tried to move back in with my mom.

And that didn't work.

Worked for like a month and then I moved out.

And put everything in storage, but I remember when I put it in storage at that, you know what I'd temporarily.

I'll just sleep in my car to save money and I'll put my bed in here.

I got a bigger storage unit than I needed just so I could lay my bed down in there, just in case and I forgot all about that part until I was talking to the guy this morning and it reminded me if I remembered that I while I was sleeping in my car and homeless during that time, there was a bunch of nights that I went to that store.

Or G-Unit and just laid the bed down fell asleep.

And, and spent the night in that storage unit during that time and the, but those two are stories.

Amazing, I slept in my eye was so I left home at 16 because a broken family and there was there's a lot of time guys.

I slept an old pickup truck I had.

Wow, that's told that is crazy, how our own?

I was so shy and so timid.

I couldn't talk to people and same as you.

I like Ike.

This is what I do.

I talk to people all day every day now.

And so I'm curious.

How did you like overcome those barriers?

You get into this industry, where it requires all kinds of personal and professional development stuff?

How do you get over that?

Because a lot of people bump against it and then back away.

It was wanting it bad enough.

It's the only thing I can attribute it to it was having a Big Y which for me was my mom, wanting to give back to everything, she did for us and watching her struggle.

She was struggling pretty badly.

When I started my business, and she was the most negative for me, starting the business, because I was leaving a steady paycheck and getting into something that was no salary, was only commission-based where I had to get licensed.

Back then it took the average person 10 months to get all the licenses you needed to make any money.

And so I went almost a year and a half of making nothing and she literally thought they were stealing my clients and taken advantage of me and lying to me and I was never going to get paid and and she just thought I was totally out of my mind and so I had with no support from her but she was the one I was doing it for and that's incredible.

It drove me, it too.

To the point where I had to stay away from her and not listen to her and a bunch of other people, but just stayed focused on and fortunately had good mentorship and good people that I trusted and believed in and ironically at the same time, there was a lot of people in our, in our business and in the company that were pretty shady actually.

And I think that's why my mom part of why my mom was so negative is because there was a guy in the company that she knew of That was really shady who is actually in jail now.

And I used to try and tell her like the business itself has nothing to do with that guy, he just happens to do the same business.

So the I'm not that I'm not, I'm going to do it, different actually it's been good for me because I know what not to do, but she never heard that.

She just knew of that guy and attached it to what I was doing industry.

Exactly.

Yeah, and so that made it more difficult, but Because I also didn't have another alternative.

I mean, what was I going to do?

Go back to work in 70, 80 hours of week to take home a few grand a month and never be able to help her financially because that was my other option.

I had no other alternative to put me in a position where I wear forget about even retiring her, which I did do.

But I couldn't even help her in any way financially.

If I kept doing what I was doing.

So because I didn't have an alternative and this was something that the upside potential was so large.

It was, I was just so driven to somehow make it happen and through that process, it made me willing to be uncomfortable.

It made me willing to Push myself beyond my levels of skill set.

And Be hypercritical, I guess you could say of myself and what I was doing.

But also To monitor it.

So, I would record myself.

I would literally have like a little recorder.

I'd record myself in appointments and listen to how terrible I was.

And I couldn't to this day when this comes out where ever comes out.

I'll listen to it and I'll hate it.

And say, that was stupid.

I said that word too many times.

I said this fellow word.

I did that.

I, my tonality was awful, my, whatever it is.

I'm super hyper critical but it made me better and, and What happened was I started getting results anyways and then that just helped my belief of well if I'm this bad and people are still giving me their money results.

Yeah.

And it wasn't instant results but it was enough.

I think it also helped that I grew up my sport of choice was baseball and in baseball, you know, if you bet 300, you end up in the Hall of Fame so you're failing seventy percent of the time and you can still be A Hall of Famer so business is like that you're failing most of the time so I was okay with that.

And I just figured hey if I can, if I can at least be 10% 20%, but still enjoying the process, still feeling like I'm making a difference and that's the thing when I did get results, people were appreciative, they've I was helping people that are typical industry wasn't helping and so they were excited about it.

They were thankful.

They were grateful, they wanted me to talk to everyone.

They knew.

And just, I could do that one out of every 20 people, and it keep me energized through the 19 people.

That didn't want to do anything.

So and then my numbers weren't that bad but it was still, it was close right?

And, and I don't, man, I don't know if we can emphasize that that last Point enough, like you can tell you are serving them.

Like there's meaning there there was purpose and when you show up and you're genuinely trying to help somebody Like they're, they're all in there.

Like yeah, here's my money and here's my list of friends.

Like that's that's a game changer, you know, I hear this all the time to now from people because they'll make an excuse, before they even try sometimes and I have people in my own business that's a minute must be so easy for you to talk to people and convince him to do this because you're the proof.

You're the proof that it works.

I'm like no.

Actually, it's harder because they didn't see me 23 years ago.

They only see me now.

And so they think it's easy, they think it's and then they also use the excuse of and and you don't have to worry about making money.

So it's easier to talk to people when you're not worried about the money is, there's no risk.

Yeah.

But I have to remind them know.

When I was sleeping in my car.

I wasn't worried about the money either, and that was the different.

I think that's why I've done.

Well, yes, when I knew I could do it without making money and still feel good about it.

That's when it was game over for me.

It wasn't when I started making the money it wasn't what?

I hit six figures for the first time or seven figures for the first time or whatever it was it when I became financially independent it didn't get easier.

It got easier when I got passionate about serving people and making a difference in their lives regardless of the money and then the money came along with that, right?

The money's just kind of a symptom a side effect of Of a passionate purpose, a clear a noble Target, right?

Yeah.

I was a byproduct and that n that focus on self improvement, I tell people all the time that when they get in business with us, at the very least, you're going to be part of one of the best self improvement.

Programs, you've ever been a part of, we just happen to have this, massive Compensation Program attached to it.

Which if you come in with the right intention, you can get the best of both worlds.

And it's it's worked for me fan.

Asik.

It's almost like we've monetized.

Nonprofit work.

This is awesome.

And again, so much my journey where I just, I was so desperate out of my own eyes.

I just, I was voracious, I had to find the answers.

So I started reading like crazy and inadvertently got led into personal development.

I'm like, okay, I could see clearly and I think you're saying the same thing is like I'm only limited here by my own limitations and if I chase through and break through, Those things it's it's going to change the whole outcome.

Well, you mentioned reading and that was the key for me because I didn't read, we're not reading Harry Potter and stuff like that.

Not that Harry Potter's bad.

But I can't tell you the last time I read a fiction book and that was my favorite growing up.

I was always a reader but I read fantasy the Tolkien books and, you know, a lot of fantasy and stuff like that.

I just loved I think because he kind of pulled me out of the what was actually happening.

In my real life.

And so I got super into that, but then I stopped reading After High School.

I didn't read which most people don't read a book at a high school.

I think if you read a book a year out of high school, it puts you in like the top one or two percent in the country, which is crazy.

Yeah, it's mind-blowing.

It's insane.

So, I am not boasting here, but just we connect, I've averaged a book A Week for over the last two decades.

I just, yeah, I love reading.

I'm just a costly reading.

So I'm with you and personal development, professional development, and buyer result of my arms.

I'm all over place because there's so much to learn and I love it, especially with inaudible.

Yeah, exactly.

Can drive around and listen these, you know, it's funny before audible.

We used to just by happenstance in the Office hours in in California, in the San.

Fernando Valley is town called Tarzana.

There was this store and it was a books on tape store and it was Not even.

A block of it, probably a half a block away from the first office.

I was in when I started this journey of personal development and they just happen to have this books on tape store and they just started coming out with some on CD.

And so I headed CD annotate player in my car and I it was a subscription kind of like a Blockbuster Video but for books on tape.

That's awesome.

And so I just started listening because In our business, had to drive around to do appointments all day every day.

And just spent 12 13, 14 hours in my car, all day and turned it into a library and would start losing this, all pre Audible.

And so it was like, man, I got so much good information, put into my brain.

But in reading all these stories, what I started reading was not only personal development things because really when you Whittle it down, most of that are the same things.

They tell you, But was what was also really powerful for me was reading autobiographies and listening to the stories of people that had done something in their lives and starting to realize.

Number one, anybody who's done anything great with their life, went through massive struggles along the way.

And so it made the things I was going through my quote, unquote struggles, and the things that seem difficult not seem that bad and then, amen.

I remember you.

And thinking like my problems are like Mickey Mouse problems.

Like these people went through, through hell and back like concentration camps or whatever.

Yeah, you're you're spot-on with that, it's unreal and you can pick anybody in any industry.

You would any background, anybody you're interested in, and just read their background and starting.

It's almost like The harder, the struggle, the harder they would push to do something great with their lives.

And so I just built up this Mantra of nothing worth having comes easy.

As a matter of fact, I just we have this Barn right now that I'm feeling, I'm turning it into.

I was calling it the man cave, but I was talking to a buddy the other day.

He's like, that's not a cave.

That's a cavern, that thing's huge.

So I got these big giant like four foot by six.

What canvases with all these big sayings on it, that's one of them so cool.

And you know, it's just but that that reading those stories built my belief and faith and everything.

Also because number one, I had this expectation that it was going to be hard and never to, I was able to compare my struggles with real struggles.

And and then it also made me think as I was going through, tough things, no matter how tough, they seemed it reminded me that, you know what, one day this is going to be a great story to tell of overcoming.

And so, for whatever reason, I used to attach to some of those things as I was growing and building.

But I think that's one of the things as people get into personal development that they tend to overlook, they just read the things that give them all the tips on how to succeed.

Their industry or their business, but then they still somehow think it's going to be easy.

They haven't, they haven't gotten themselves around people or ideas that emphasize the struggle struggle and where you operated from that expectation just set you up to like, okay.

Yeah, okay, because I think what happens is, people are wrong and they want it to be easier, expected to be easy.

So when it's hard, The, the impact there is like, guess, I guess this isn't meant to be, I'm not supposed to do this.

I didn't think it was gonna be this hard.

Yeah, well and everybody's looking for a sign and they take those difficulties as this sign.

You're not supposed to do it, where in reality, that's the sign you're supposed to.

Yes.

And being a Christian.

I my belief is that every difficulty that were given were given from the adversary and the greater.

We're trying to do something the Our impact is going to be for good, the harder he pushes against us.

And so as those difficulties happen, that means we're, we're on track, we're close to doing something great that this was meant for us, where most people, it's kind of the opposite.

They're looking for the excuse to not have to work so hard.

And so, when things get tough, well, there's might sign.

This is hard, I just wrote that down my notes, like difficulties are not your sign that's that's another thing to go on a big canvas.

Thing is like Like, no man.

The difficulty is not your sign.

The obstacles is.

Well, you know, this, the obstacle is the way the obstacles the opportunity.

Yeah, it's it for me, one of the most difficult things that happened to me was, I would sweat a ton when I would do presentations, and I would app for, like, six or seven years, I averaged seven to eight presentations had a one-on-one with people, which in sales is a Some out presume.

When you had to drive around and I'm driving around the LA area.

And I was, I was based in the San Fernando Valley in La so like Northern LA county, and I was driving on a weekly basis down to San Diego.

At least once or twice a week, up to Bakersfield at least once or twice a week and out to Indio once or twice a week, which if you don't know, is a two to three-hour run to each of those places from where I was based.

And so every week, I'm like I said in the car, literally 12 13 14, In hours a day and then doing 728 appointments on top of that.

And every appointment and this was, whether it was one-on-one or a group presentation, I would to this day, I still have no idea if it was anxiety or what it was.

I just start sweating sweating, like it's and then as I started sweating, I would ruin shirts, completely ruined shirts and no matter what?

Sure I had to, I had to stop wearing shirts with color.

So I couldn't wear it like the gray shirt you have on.

Now I couldn't wear that because if it was a light gray and be a dark gray except for like a little strip of light gray up here, you know, and maybe light gray up here, but dark gray everywhere else, and I just ruined shirt, so I couldn't wear anything with color in it.

While I was sweating, the all the heat would leave my hands, my feet, my ears, my nose.

And so, they'd be free.

Using cold.

So at the end of every presentation, especially one-on-one presentations.

I'd be leaving people's homes and you got to shake their hand, just like this cold roast.

I felt so bad for those people, every time it happened and I could never come up with the thing to make that less embarrassing.

You know there's no joke I could come up with it.

There was nothing I could say that was going to make that.

Not embarrassing.

I just accepted that it was going to to suck every time and that I was going to be embarrassed seven, eight times a day and that lasted for about five or six years.

And then just one day it went away still to this day in explainable.

No idea why it happened because I wasn't not confident i-it's not that I didn't believe in what I was saying, it's not that.

I didn't know what to say.

It's not that I wasn't knowledgeable in my field.

I I had all of those things.

Just as I started.

Every time I became this sweaty.

Messy.

Logical response.

Yeah.

What's awesome.

As you knew it was going to be embarrassing and you got up the next morning and did it seven or eight times again?

Yeah, so if you could call that a struggle like a real, I don't view that as real struggle, but for most people, they're just not willing to be embarrassed and I would it was to the point where I just thought it was going to do that my entire life.

I didn't know it was going to shut off after five or six years.

I mean, most people wouldn't go five or six days, right?

It's kind of the point, but I just resolved to, oh, well, It's if that's what it takes and that's what it's going to take and if that's what it's going to be like I guess that's the price.

I have to pay.

That's awesome.

And it what point in this journey did you get married and start a family?

We got married in 02 so a few years and I met my wife in our business.

Okay.

So we started separately in our company around the same time.

I think I started five or six months before her, maybe for maybe 45 in that range.

We started separately doing our own thing, both becames, brokers in our organization running our own agencies but we were young.

We were both 22.

When we started and the youngest by far in the office we were in, we just happen to be in the same office.

Totally different teams everything but we happen to be in the same office and because we were the youngest ones in there.

They kind of naturally, we have a lot of friendly competition in our business and they just kind of Of pitted us against each other with this friendly competition, because we were the young ones and I think honestly, they probably didn't have much expectation for long-term success because most young people don't do it.

And at least at that time in our company.

There weren't many younger people that did it, especially Financial Services.

You look at, I mean, it's a, it is an older industry especially now, and it's even worse now than it was back then.

But back then, it was still bad.

And and then we ended up literally, we passing up everyone there independently and then we started dating and it real quickly after we started dating and got married and we got married in 02 started.

Our business and 99 got married in 02 and started having kids in 05.

And yeah, it was.

But I went from in 2000 is when I was sleeping in my car.

My wife is actually the one who figured out.

I was sleeping in my car and she was living with her mom at the time to save money and she made me go sleep on the couch there.

I don't even, we weren't even dating yet.

Whoa, and I was sleeping on her mom's couch, and her mom likes to rescue animals.

And so, every day, I'd wake up with this, these like pugs breathing in my face, you know, on the couch and then her house.

And yeah, that was a crazy part of that story, but then we started dating combined our businesses.

I was that sounds and ask you, did you?

Combining business and did you both keep up this kind of work schedule?

Oh yeah, yeah, even after having kids because we as independent contractors we just we have a very family-friendly environment as a matter of fact, one of the things I tell anybody who wants to get in business with us is that we are and always will be a family focused company.

So because of that culture, it's fine to bring kids around.

So as we started having kids, our daughter was at the office all the time, had our Second Son.

A few years later and when they were small, it was real easy.

And then right after my son right away, my wife wanted to have another one.

So, 18 months later had our third baby and then my wife got sick and she got diagnosed with lupus and then we were forced into cutting back, which was a blessing in disguise in my wife's book.

She actually talks about that the process and that time of our lives, how sick she got.

And what happened was I mentioned how I was out driving around.

I'd been doing that the entire time, even with our kids, I was out on the road all day, every day doing those appointments and stuff and and if I had local appointments, then I drop in, and I do stuff with the kids and whatever we still made it work, but I was still Wanted to make sure I was getting all those appointments done.

When my wife got sick, I couldn't anymore because she was incapacitated she literally couldn't get off the couch a bunch of days physically could not move her body.

Yeah.

Because it she had an autoimmune disease and her muscles wouldn't function.

During that time, I was also her here to that was not to take the drugs that they doctors want to give you.

She just deep delve into healing herself between Western and Eastern medicine, doctors diet, a bunch of different things and changed her diet in the diet that she got on to heal her gut, which was going to open up a lot of the sensory issues causing her autoimmune stuff.

It required for 26 hours a day of food, prep and cooking.

Wow, what she can do for yourself.

So say which fell on you that fell on me and all the kids stuff and then the kids started getting into sports and ballet.

And that kind of stuff with my daughter.

As she started getting into more school and sports activities and other things.

So, I became kind of missed her mom.

She My wife would do, is she still made phone calls?

So she was still.

She could at least let her know, like this couch, calling him and non-stop.

She almost died on another.

Another Story.

Another note we had only had my daughter.

She had a internal bleeding something ruptured inside.

Her had internal bleeding almost died.

When had emergency procedure.

We were down in Laguna, That's a whole other story and she's literally about to go into this emergency surgery and she's telling me make sure you call.

So, and so and do this and follow up with this person and do that.

I'm like, you're good, like, how about you not die right now?

Please do that.

Can we focus on that neck through the list here for me?

Yeah, after surgery.

Post-surgery.

She's like, where's my phone and wants to get every day she's in labor for, I think every baby during labor.

The hospital.

She's just on the phone call and people leaving messages.

She's just a maniac that way.

Your focus isn't saying what lets her drive.

What's as she always been like that?

He's always just been driven High achiever as long as I've known her.

Okay, so she's going, she has seeped in in her book.

She talks about that too that when she was in Girl Scouts, she was ultra competitive High achiever.

Want to be the best.

Every job she's had, was that way.

And yeah, it's she's awesome.

She's one of the most remarkable people I've ever met in my life and I know a lot of real high power people to in the self-development space and Executives.

And we have friends that are billionaires and they I mean, some of those guys call her for inside on things, she's really remarkable.

So let's well this is a perfect spot to jump in.

How do you guys nourish your marriage and your Relationship raising families together, working together, being super high Achievers, the two of you.

It's if one of the couples in that both of you just going after it.

What works for you guys to keep the marriage alive and strong, it evolves its really changed over time but the one common denominator and all of it through the last 20 Man, what's it been out?

Trying to 21 years almost of being together. 22, if you include dating and the thing that's been consistent, the entire time is being on the same page, knowing what we want.

Communicating that with each other and being on board with what?

Needs to happen to get that done.

We've, we're we've gotten really good at communication and a lot of different ways, where we were very good.

We got very good early on, on setting goals, I think both of us, got it from a combination of the mentoring, and the coaching.

And the people that helped us in our business, on the front end with the book, Think and Grow Rich.

And I love that and on page at the old one, whatever the old version was for me, it was page, 38 of Think, and Grow Rich, which is where it The outline of write down exactly what you want, no, write down the date that when you want it, how much you want to have, you need to be able to feel it and imagine yourself in possession of whatever it is, just the whole steps, write it down, read it out loud, twice a day, all those things and both of us got really good at that and really evaluating it at least at minimum on a quarterly basis.

So Evaluating those goals long term midterm, short term, we got really good early on in putting it into quadrants, which for us.

It's Faith, Family, finances and fitness and on the fitness one, it's Fitness, / fun, and now with our, with our happy and strong company, we all four of those things lead into fulfillment.

So it's all FS is our favorite F words since we don't curse.

Now, it's only a So which wasn't the case when my in my previous life?

Before I start our business but but we would have those quadrants and each of us would write down what we want to achieve, whatever the time frame was.

Okay, for this quarter, what's what are we want to do and our faith?

What are the goals there?

What did what about our family stuff?

What about finances business, what?

Our Enos goals are trying to achieve and then fitness-wise what do we want to do with our bodies?

And each quadrant write down what that was and then we compare and most of the time they're almost totally in sync.

We have the same goals and then obviously, for each of us, there's individual things in certain spots that we need to work on, but we've always done it that way and then it's okay.

Now these are our goals.

What do we need to do to get there?

so, what are our I don't want to say roles going to be but kind of what's our schedule going to need to look like to achieve that.

And the reason, the only reason I don't say what are our roles is?

I think one of the mistakes couples make is that they they assign roles to each other and then they get mad when one or the other or not doing those things.

Keeping up with the expectations.

Yeah.

And worse is having covert expectations, right?

This, these covert Exactly.

And not saying anything.

Yeah, you have an expectation that you haven't voiced.

Any other person, they don't meet that, which is what most couples.

Do it forget about business.

That's just what most couples do to each other.

Anyways, they don't communicate and they really don't communicate expectations and then they get mad because you're not meeting expectations that they didn't know you had of them in the first place, actually, and but making the expectations of each other.

First certain things.

That are rigid or bad too and so we never did that to each other.

It was like okay steps going to come up throughout the day.

Here's your list.

If you can get this, this this, this and this done.

Awesome.

But if a couple days go by and it doesn't happen, then she would just do it.

Or I would just do it or man, this happened with the kids and I gotta run.

I gotta jump and do this.

Now I'm going to go do that but because we're both High Achievers, I think what's worked Well for the both of us is neither one of us wants to sit in and around and wait for anybody.

So we're just going to stay busy so if we see stuff that needs to get done, we'll just go do it.

And now we've evolved into for me, that's become more on just household stuff.

The kids other things that are going to make things easier for her on running, some of the business things and everything else because she's so good at the cause she's so organized.

Has she's her brain works so much faster than mine.

She remembers things that I don't.

I mean, I 10 times a day, I'll walk out into my garage to get something or do something and forget why I was there which she doesn't do, she's just on it.

And so it, we stopped and this was a challenge early on where she would kind of tally that and be like, I'm doing this, I did this many things, I got this many results.

Called this many people.

How many people did you cause I'm like, well, you called 42 people.

And I called for But my conversations I was having were different.

Yeah, hers were like, boom to the point this and mine were deeper Dives.

How you doing, how's the family house?

You never feel competitive like that, as you guys were growing, absolutely.

Yeah, it definitely did and, and honestly, I struggled with the value, I was bringing, but then I had to shift it to okay.

We have all these quadrants and yeah, she's real heavy here, but I'm also doing This with the kids and that, and it doesn't, maybe, maybe it's not moving the needle in our business, but shoot, it's keeping the stuff in, in line with the family, you know.

Now in saying that, I still 30 minutes of nurture, not even that 10 minutes of nurture from her is worth more of, you know, hours spent with me with our kids, so I can't.

I'm still as a man, not going to give the nurture that they need that she does, but But she never misses those opportunities, so she can still be working all day long and on her phone all the time, but she's still having meaningful conversation with our kids on a daily basis.

She still has a magnifying power.

There's an incredible.

There's some kind of thing, and I can't explain it, but there's moments in a day like that, whether it's even your own Stillness or reading, something or engaging with someone or just feeling love for someone, those moments have this magnifying power throughout the day in the Ship, that's huge and you can't.

The thing is, when we're on the same page, it doesn't bother you when you understand, what's happening to see that, with couples to wear will sit with the couple of this happens, a lot in our business.

And now, with our, our coaching company, where the instant thing that happens, they sit down.

While they're working all the time, they're doing this, they're they can't get off their phone, then you have to ask him.

Is that true?

Can he not get off your phone yet?

Pretty true.

Okay.

Well, what are your date nights?

Look like?

What are your what when do you spend time with your kids?

Well, I'm just so busy.

I don't really okay, we'll get your planner out right now.

I'm assuming you use a planner is most especially High Achievers, they plan most of their day.

Okay now what are the non-negotiables from you and then you ask the other spouse, whether the non-negotiables, what do you, what do you wish they were at or or turn the phone off during how often it you want to be all the time because that's not reasonable?

That is kind of just give and take, right?

Every the whole time they're home, they're not going to have their phone off, that's just not reasonable when you're running a business, but what time would you like it off?

And usually, it's only a couple hours if you look through the whole week.

Well, you know, during this or when we're at this, for the school, this, our family night or whatever it is, maybe during dinner, we could just turn off the phone for 20 minutes during dinner so we could have a conversation.

Whatever it is.

It's usually not much you say, okay.

Is that that's reasonable, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

Now write it in your planner, so now you have no excuse.

You can't do it, man.

Another meeting on top of a meeting that you already have and treat it like one of your meetings and just make that your habit and Men, you're going to be amazed at how much better life gets.

And now when you are at the restaurant and you're on your phone, you already have an agreement that that's going to be okay.

Because you're off the phone and these other non-negotiable times, but and then that spouse is maybe it does make a mad, but they're going to have to remind themselves.

Okay?

That's our agreement.

And this is for the betterment of our family.

This is 4, this is going to increase our business.

This is helping us achieve our goals.

This is going to help us do the things that we want.

This is going to pay for that vacation, whatever you attach it to.

And now as you have those Agree.

Feelings you?

Because you're on the same page, you can say, all right, it's no big deal and now if the kids complain about it which is going to happen to then you can have their back instead of being like yeah you're right.

They shouldn't be on the phone that's you know, your dad.

Just sometimes cares.

More about his business than he does about you.

Well, how does that serve your family when you undermine each other?

Yep, it's too many couples do.

And so instead, it's like what if that?

Happens with our kids.

They know better now because they know if they come at either, one of us about the other one and if it's being on the phone or whatever, they're going to get hit hard with its support.

Yeah.

Well.

And in a way, like one of the examples is we had a party that we were we are having at the house and we were inviting a bunch of people in our business over and we were turning it into kind of like a just a retreat for our top performers in our business.

And we are having a 70 or 80 people come over to the house.

And in it was going to be a fun time.

We are telling the kids, oh, we got the team coming over and they're like the team's coming over again and this is my daughter and we were like yeah, the team's coming over while you have a problem with that.

I just I was hoping it was just going to be us in the family and be like, look, what did you want to do with the family?

Well, I wanted to swim, I want to do this.

I want to go on the hike and I want to do it.

And we were Like all those things you just said you want to do you know why we're able to do those things with you because of the team?

Because of our business because of the efforts that these people have put in our, why you have this magnificent swimming pool in these water slides, and the things you get to enjoy with us as a family on a regular basis and we're just asking that you share that with the people who made that possible for you.

We don't think that's a hard thing to ask.

So don't don't forget that all of these people are in Intricate part of the things that you get to enjoy on a regular basis and we're never going to not share that with that.

We're never going to not share our success in the things we enjoy with them.

And so if your inconvenience for a day, it's not a big deal because you get a lifetime of enjoying the things that they've helped provide and the an example that open communication.

Exactly.

And they also know that through that through the entire Success of our business.

We're also serving and helping families.

So we remind them of that to remember these people qualified to be here.

They did extra so that they can enjoy themselves at our home.

But they had to do a bunch of.

They had to go and help a bunch of families to be able to do that.

And so these are people who really care and it's I don't want to say we pour guilt on them but it's it's not guilt.

Its understanding, right?

Its perspective, this perspective, And and then they're on board.

It's like yeah they need reminders but we all need reminders.

And that's been a significant Advantage if you want to call it that to working together.

But like, I talk to people all the time, they're like how you guys do it your together all day?

Every day.

It's, I couldn't do that with my husband.

I couldn't do that with my wife and we all could do it.

If it's important and it as long as you communicate and I think that's the key, exactly.

Yeah, I'm bored.

A couple of questions come to mind.

What do you guys Outsource?

Because you can't do it all, especially where both of you are working both of your high Achievers.

You got so much going on, what what works for you guys and Outsourcing we do people.

So that's that's how I say we do people it, we Outsource everything else, paperwork operations, anything and anything that involves people, that's what we do.

So for me, on the business end, I'm not doing day-to-day operations, most of the time.

I'll do it with clients with clients who need help with things they call.

But when they call me, I've tell them my assistants going to call you back with the information will get it, you know, as long as it takes and then for some of the clients they want to talk to me.

So I'll talk to him.

So that gets out source for and then I'm having leadership conversations with people in our business.

So I tend to get into the longer in-depth things, how things going there, anything I can help you with what's the next goal.

When you going to hit it by that kind of my wife does a lot of that stuff, too, but she also does a lot of like, day-to-day follow-up type things in our business.

Events coming up on the horizon, agendas planning.

She's a planner.

She actually loves me, we will go to Fiji and I will be like, it's a dream destination for me.

I because I Surf and all I want to do is surf all day long.

You give her a couple notepads and stick her in a lounge, chair, overlooking the ocean, and she's in heaven.

Just planning her next thing.

That's what my wife is do, man.

Which I think is crazy, and she thinks I'm crazy for just Go surf.

But it, you know, it works and we know that but if she, she does that, but she does know paperwork.

I don't know if either one of us knows how to do any paperwork, like, right now, if you told me to pull up to get somebody started with me in my business, which I do almost every day with people, I couldn't tell you where I need to go right now.

I could I'm sure I could figure it out but I couldn't tell you exactly right now where I'd have to pull it up on the website where I'd have to go, what I'd have to push, and what I'd have to enter to get somebody on board with us because every time, I just that, that goes to my assistant.

So I can do, zero paperwork, zero stuff.

I'm only doing people stuff and house how soon into building your business, did you start Outsourcing things?

Because I know this this is a this is a point of conflict.

A lot of people that's a good question.

Like, what point do I start Outsourcing?

Because you, you get to the spot where you feel like you can't afford it but you can't afford not to.

Yeah, that was at the point when We were just getting into a position.

To not worry about paying bills.

And and and to that to that point we had become experts in all that operation stuff.

So, and this is also, when you're involving Securities, license is so we were doing the supervisory stuff with our Securities license as well.

So, we are actually brand supervisors and branch managers of our own office and branch which is entails, a whole other layer of compliance and paperwork and quarterly.

Cruising back then there was even monthly interviews.

We had to do with all our reps and everything and and and we are growing at significant agencies.

So that was turning into hundreds of people, you know, now it's thousands and which is why we Outsource it, but we were doing all of it.

And then when we got to where we weren't worried about paying bills anymore, and I shouldn't say any more because maybe in the very back of our mind.

And it was still there, so it wasn't totally comfortable to bring on step.

But, but we started with someone part-time that was also in our, they either they were in our business or their spouse was in our business.

So they were still attached the businesses.

Yeah, and they cared.

So it wasn't just some, you know, minimum wage, part-time person, or, or whatever.

Someone that could come in.

That could care that we could.

We Still pay them.

Minimum wage basically very little but a lot of them liked it because they could be around the business and they could learn it faster.

They can learn the operation stuff, they could get better at that, they could be closer to us and learn from just watching us, run the business.

And so that's how we started and it was I think we would pay them on like a salary for like 20 hours a week to start.

Give them like a SLP of here's their expectations for those hours on a per week.

You just I don't care how you do it.

Get this this this and this done every day and your Wish isn't awesome way to have team members.

Yeah, look.

This is what's expected with what we need done.

Go.

Yeah.

And, and, and then that just grew from there very quickly.

The it's we jumped into full-time and then, as quick as we could, it didn't take more than a couple of years to get totally out of operations completely and, and now even like will do events and we found the dynamic where, like, my wife will plan the whole agenda, and she'll do the agenda and she'll get the speaker and she'll come up with kind of who's going to talk about what we're going to do and then I focus on the recognition.

And the entertainment.

That's my wheelhouse.

And I'll have fun with that, and we'll make it super fun.

And we'll do a bunch of awards and we'll, it's like, we want people to leave just not only did they learn about inch but they just, they had an experience, I think.

So, we wrap into that.

I put a bunch of effort into that, but still even with the entertainment, all that stuff, it's we put together teams now, okay?

You're in charge of this and we're going to have, you know, This dance routine.

We're going to have this crew.

We're going to have this company come in, and we're going to have this Cirque du Soleil thing.

We're going to whatever it is, you know, we bring in all of that to achieve the result, but we put the effort into the feeling that our people are going to get, right?

So building a culture, what about around the house?

Just maybe some Logistics.

I know people are thinking like because this comes up a lot with with our audience, like what do you Outsource around the home and the family?

The house.

Like they're always curious of how to manage a household to when you're when you got your hands and all kinds of things.

He has the yard, how involved with the kids, you know, taking a house cat.

Your people come clean, you shopping, all that stuff?

Yeah, in California, we had, we had a gardeners.

We had our landscapers, we were on like almost eight acres in California and needed it landscaped.

So that was I had guys doing that.

We've always had Housekeepers at one point early on, we used to have nannies, we don't do nannies anymore it for a couple of years when we needed it.

We had a live-in nanny who was fantastic and that Dynamics kind of changed depending on our kids needs.

You know, we've had kids in private schools, we've had them in public schools, we've had them one-on-one virtual learning.

We, I mean, it just all the kids are different too and their needs and stuff like that.

So it kind of Ebbs and flows or What the family needs.

But our main ones are, I think we'll always have a housekeeper because I'm anti dishes and I am make my bad right?

Like I hated vacuum is it wasn't mcraven.

Was it mcraven's book?

Make your bed.

Yeah.

Forget one of those General.

Yep, that's not me.

I got somebody else to take care of that.

No, it's huge.

And we've had the live in Danny's before, too, and we've always had help and it makes a difference.

And then in a year, right?

It changes, as the kids get older and change like the dynamic changes, you have to keep adjusting.

But man, I think it's so important that the things that can be outsourced ought to be outsourced so that you can only focus on the things that that matter most to us.

Yeah, and the same thing, there's not we're not Outsourcing nurture for kids, right?

That's part of why we don't have a nanny anymore, why we don't go that route and we don't have people do those things.

We don't have even people helping them with their schoolwork.

I try and help them with that but But I will say this about our kids knock on wood.

They're all even our seven year old since he was four or five are completely independent, where they part of it is just because we make them we don't baby them.

We don't know Tommy man.

Like you you figured out, you get the homework done.

It needs to be done and you don't turn it in.

You're going to be.

Oh, it's so hard.

Oh man.

Is it really hard?

Well, then your teacher must have lied to me because they told me it was going to be pretty simple.

Only take you, like 10 minutes, they are a liar.

You know what don't do it.

That's fine.

I bet they'll give you extra time during recess tomorrow and I'll call the teacher.

I'll send him an email and you just do it during recess tomorrow.

Don't worry about doing that homework tonight.

No, it goes over.

No, I'll do it, right, but they're all super independent that way.

But we also, we are careful not to to let work get done for them in other ways to.

So since we moved here, I have my boys doing the yard work.

Now we're on 10 acres here and there's tons of grass, but I got a giant zero-turn lawnmower and that was kind of like that.

Got my 14 year old excited actually that's a toy for a teenage boy.

And so I told him like, hey, here's what it's going to cost for landscaper for me to pay him or you can do it and I'll pay you a hundred bucks a week or whatever it is.

Yeah.

And he's all pumped really.

And I'm like yeah and then you can use that for your Then to save her Mission and for your first car, let's make that your two big goals that you say for.

And then I'll match you dollar for dollar for everything, you say is a fantastic.

We do that same thing, like, hey, this is what I would pay.

If you guys want, we do the focus like hey, we would pay this and we're willing to if nobody wants.

It will pay somebody else if you guys want the money.

Here it is.

Yeah, start planning.

Yeah.

So now, my boys are my landscapers.

My one boy does all the edging and leave blowing and all that stuff.

And when we need extra things done and edged in cut, he does all of that.

And then the other one, Does just the Mowing and and then they have their regular chores, on top of that, obviously, picking up stuff around the house.

It's not, we don't have housekeepers here every day, they come a couple times a week and the rest of the week is they do dishes.

They.

Yep.

You know, each meal we do almost every dinner together.

Same.

Where were together as a family and then they all have their big take turns.

Okay.

You're going to load your going to unload.

Your going to do you have a table?

No, we don't have a code.

We tried.

Don't know if you do you have them.

Could give your kids cook sometimes.

Yeah.

Sometimes I do most of the cooking, really?

Yeah.

I enjoy it though.

I liked it.

And then that all started with my wife getting sick, when that all happened and you had, and I evolved into that and I kind of stayed there.

Nice.

You gotta get beyond the mac and cheese at some point or yours.

Yeah, everyone's Gonna Hate.

I mean, everything.

We have is pretty much everything's organic.

Nick make a lot of stuff from scratch, do a lot of really healthy meals and think we've gotten really good at that again, at first from necessity and now it's just our habit.

So yeah, that leads me to another thought.

Like how do you, how do you feel like success has you feel like you've changed much as individuals couple of family as you've grown in success?

Is it for sure we've changed and too many people are unwilling to accept or say that.

And the reason I'm willing to say and accept it is because that's what we're supposed to do.

Yeah.

And it's so weird that I think it's weird, that that stops at some point in our lives.

You look at most people, especially these kids as an analogy.

You look at your kids, how excited to people get when they're kids starts to walk.

Oh yeah, like oh my gosh until after you've had a few kids and you figure out that's when it gets hard thinking like oh no, they're walking, but that's so you you know, when they start trying to walk and they fall on their face, you not like well, that was stupid.

While you're trying to walk.

Just stay sitting and crawling around.

You get around, well, crawling around.

Just keep doing that.

We encourage them, we get excited, they start learning things at school, they start playing sports.

They start, they hit their first base, hit, and They get their first basket and Batman.

You're awesome.

Go do it.

Try harder, work harder.

Do it more and then at some point.

Usually in the middle school, high school realm, that changes.

And we level off, man.

Yeah, it starts to level off and you say yeah, no, you can't do that.

That's going to be too hard.

Don't, that's too much risk.

That's to man.

Don't put yourself out there like that.

Just get a steady job, just in, even her own parents.

Do it.

Our families do it.

We culturally We do it, and we don't even realize it's happening.

So we go from encouraging our growth and taking risk and trying new things to know, you just, it's got to be steady.

Got to be the same.

And then before, we know it 10, 20, 30, 40 years goes by and we'd got that.

Al Bundy thing going on where we were talking about how great high school was because that's the last time we went for something that crazy, the way you're articulating that you're right, we encourage it for so many years and then it almost flips and we discourage it.

Yeah.

Right.

Go, go, go, go.

Go now.

No, don't go, don't slow down.

Stop.

Just stay stay where you are kind of get in a rut.

And why are you trying to get out of the rut?

Yeah, it's a, that's an excellent point.

Yep.

And so that's, we're supposed to change and yeah.

So yeah.

I've changed a ton and I'll keep changing.

I'm not going.

If I'm the same guy a year from now, smack me.

I said the same thing you and I have no business being the same person next year, that we are this year.

Every year out of find us, green and growing.

Yeah but it's I mean I think I said it earlier it's evolved.

We as life hits us and different things become important.

One thing we've gotten really good at is the evaluated because we communicate so much to the point where literally every Sunday night's our family night.

We do family Council and we plan our week and what's going?

Well, what's not what you guys have or their important things and if things start getting hard and any, It's we adjust.

Okay, I'll do this more.

I'll do this.

Last, I'll put more effort here if you need help with that, I'm here to support whatever it is.

And that's constantly changing.

I love it.

It's fantastic.

And this has been so good.

There's so many nuggets here and so many insights in you, and your guys story, is there something that the stands out kind of 11, maybe last thought, is there something that really stands out that you wish you had known?

Sooner or done differently.

Maybe done it sooner, done, it better.

Just kind of looking back over over your journey.

That may be something there.

That people would be like man, that that would have made all the difference or maybe something.

You did do that made all the difference.

One last piece for the men who are listening like what what something that that would have or did make a big difference for you.

I'll say, you know, I think what did make, and I couldn't imagine our life without it is real.

Early on in our marriage, somebody explained our personality types to us so that we could understand each other and how we communicate.

So that we wouldn't get mad at each other when we said certain things a certain way to each other.

Wow, and Dad has been probably the most valuable thing in our marriage is our understanding of each other and our personality types in the way we communicate and without that piece it honestly I don't know if we'd still be married.

I think what happens is so many not I think I know what happens to people is that and this isn't just in couples is in business.

This is in any relationship you're going to have with any Person or any group of people is that if someone can, you know, that old term treat people like you want to be treated, the Golden Rule do unto others as you want them to do unto you.

That's not necessarily true.

Because I mean, number one, what if you're a masochist that's not going to work?

Well, for most of the people you deal with but that's it's an extreme example.

But it's an example.

Sample of the way I would tell somebody to do something compared to the way, my wife would tell somebody to do something.

If I'm trying to get something done, we different, totally different.

I'd be waiting nicer about it and she in the pursuit of just trying to get it done, would be a little harsher but they, they're more likely to get it done because of that and so she's more effective in it.

And she's not going to spend any time beating around the bush, trying to find an angle, trying to make it feel warmer fuzzier.

Any of those things.

She's Going to get it done, she's going to do it more often, she's going to get more done, but along the way that could devastate the people who are close to her in her life, if they don't understand that, there's no ill intent and any of it.

She's not trying to be mean.

She's not, she's not telling you you're stupid because you didn't get it done yet or any of those things but her tone might sound like that if she were you.

Right.

Does that make sense?

Absolutely.

So what I hear you saying is like, don't don't Treat people the way you want to be treated treat people, the way they want to be treated, or you have to operate from that understanding of that individual right?

Yeah, yeah.

I love that where.

And the same was true for us.

When I started to understand how my wife operates, like, I didn't expect her to operate, like, I operate.

Yeah, it's so many, don't get mentioned.

Here's the thing.

You still naturally will get mad in the moment for a second when they speak to you a certain way or vice versa, they met when you speak a certain way.

But if they And the meaning behind how you set it because of your personality.

Then that can do you won't stay there.

Exactly.

And you won't dwell on it and then so that it doesn't become the what I call the death of a Thousand Cuts, which gets most couples, they just stored in the memory bank.

It's like I read a book.

I think it's, I think it was the ABCs of building a business team that wins.

It was a business book, but there was a term in there, he called stamp collecting We're somebody does something.

Yeah.

You didn't like being.

Yeah, you stack it.

You just collect that Snowman and then when you get mad at him that you did this and this and this and this I mean that gets most couples, right?

It's not the one time.

Like all of a sudden you don't file for divorce because they got on your nerves.

It's you know that thousand little things that you let it bother you that you dwelt on and and it became an issue.

So because early on we understood each other.

We don't live in that space of having this collection of things, we've done wrong to each other, in the past.

Yeah, it's huge.

Jordan Pederson and some of his colleagues put together personality test and my wife and I did it and it's just the spectrum of the big five, right?

And on a couple of things we are, we're like Lily opposite sides of the Spectrum by Massive differences and you're right, it's just such an Insight, you like, okay.

And we'll bring it up now.

We're like Going like, oh, that's, that's why you're doing this.

That's why I'm doing this, and we get each other.

And so you're gonna laugh about it too.

Oh, totally.

Yeah, we do that.

When we catch each other in it, sometimes I'll just start cracking up.

Yeah.

Yeah, we told you but it makes a big difference.

That's a great Insight man.

I did not see that one coming.

Not that's a, that's a good thought because early on the sooner you do it, the sooner, you understand the people you're close to and what makes him tick and why they do what they do.

And it unlocks so much and prevent so many problems.

When you understand that, just think of how many couples or past couples that have been divorced, that have gotten divorced that, you know, that if they could have gotten to the root of that early, they would have never gotten to the point of separation or divorce or any of those things.

And I think that's what gets most people.

Yep.

So, true and is awesome.

Thanks brother.

How can people get in in find you guys in connect with you?

And the work you're doing and what you have going on because you got all kinds of stuff going on, we do my Instagram's at Sean.

Vmd I don't post a lot of stuff, I Minds more like messing around but Jamie's heard stuff is out since she has some of the best content out there especially for women and families and entrepreneurs.

But hers is at Jamie dot Villalobos and Jamie spelt ja ime.

Villalobos is what it sounds like.

I'm just kidding.

It's be like Victor.

I was like, yeah, L OV like Victor OS, like Sam.

So Jamie dot Villalobos, where's the heritage of that?

Man?

Where did I come from?

A Mexican, okay, probably Spanish originally, like most of those Mexican names.

But yeah, my dad family's from Mexico.

That's a whole other story in itself.

I always joke, I'm the only Irish Mexican you're going to meet that doesn't That's awesome.

And then our our websites happy and strong.com and that's my wife's book to is happy and strong.

A lot of this stuff we talked about my wife talks about in that book, a lot of the balance stuff, a lot of De techniques.

And some of the things I'm talking about, communication, things are in that book too.

And so, that's a good one to get.

Okay?

Thanks brother.

Thanks for being here, man.

Really appreciate this has been awesome.

Thank you, Chef.

Thanks for having me.

It's been fun.

It's been a great conversation.

Mmm.