#74 The Next 4 Years: Being The Leader in Your House -- What & How

Gentlemen, welcome to the Formidable Family Man podcast.

I'm your host, Greg Denning.

Today is the day after the US election for president and looks like we're going to have a new president.

In fact, no matter what happens, we're we're getting a new president.

It looks like Trump will be winning.

And as important as it is, who's in the White House and who's in the Senate, who's in the House of Representatives, who's in the Supreme Court?

Those are all important.

More important than that gentleman is who is leading in your home or you got a, you got somebody in the White House leading, but who's leading in your house?

And I think my observation is that many good men are not leading in their homes, or at least not leading like they could, should, and even as they themselves want to.

The most important leadership in the world is the leadership that happens in your home and family.

And I get it right.

It's, it's easy to go get thinking about and worrying about and all worked up about what other leaders are doing and what they're not doing.

Now we can get so caught up in in what what business leaders are doing, what's happening in the economy, what what politicians are doing, local or federal or even global.

And we can spend so much time, effort and energy ranting and raving and discussing and getting all worked up and fighting over what others are doing to the neglect of what we are doing.

So how are you going to lead your family and your home?

What are you going to do in the next 4 years?

Oh man, let that sink in, fellas.

What are you and I going to do in the next 4 years?

OK, The, the president is going to come in and, and they're going to do their thing.

And there really isn't a lot that we can do about that.

So much of that is out of our control.

And, and it's, it's, it's frustrating and actually really saddening to me to watch people put so much time, attention, focus, energy, emotion into things that are out of their control to the total neglect of the things that are in their control.

So the bigger question is not what's going to, you know, what, what the administration's going to do for the next 4 years.

It's what are you and I going to do for the next 4 years?

How are we going to lead our families?

That is the question.

So let's talk about that.

And, and I hope you're asking those questions.

I hope you're thinking about, and I hope today with this episode that you really start to chew on that.

Like what am I going to do differently?

How am I going to leave my family for the next 4 years?

How I'm going to leave my house?

How am I going to govern?

How am I going to protect?

How am I going to provide?

So we can get caught up in what's happening in the economy, but much more important is happening what's happening in your economy.

And you have way more influence than most of you think you do.

Instead of asking the nation to protect us, what are you doing to protect yourself and your family?

Man, this is so powerful.

And you know, there's a lot of talk about the health of the nation and, and make America healthy again.

How are we going to make your family healthy?

Are you truly leading or have you been just kind of going along, drifting, coasting, letting things happen, hoping things happen?

Hope is not a strategy gentleman.

He just doesn't work like that.

We have to leave our homes.

This morning.

It was interesting.

My my daughter, she's almost 18, voracious reader, sinker, just a just an amazing person.

And she was just expressing her frustration.

He's like, why?

Why can't people be good, truly good?

And of course, she's, you know, reading and studying the greatest thinkers and leaders of all time.

And, and she was referencing them.

It's like, why?

Why can't why can't men be and women be more well read, more educated?

Why aren't they better philosophers and leaders?

And it's a great question.

Why does it seem so hard?

Why is it so hard for people to be good?

Why do we have such a dearth of truly great leaders, especially in politics?

And, and maybe we have to back up from there, fellas, and ask, is it actually that hard?

Is it hard to be good?

I used to think so, but now I've come to the point where I think life is, is just challenging.

That's just the way it is.

And it's hard on whichever path you choose.

So becoming wealthy is hard, but living in poverty is hard.

Choose your heart.

Earning a world class education is hard, but living in ignorance is really hard.

I, I think harder.

So you choose your heart.

I mean, having a world class, extraordinary marriage, it's hard.

But going through a horrendous divorce or living in misery with your spouse, that's hard.

Raising great kids is hard.

Having your kids just fall off the path and destroy their lives and your family, that's hard.

Choose your heart, right?

Being in fantastic health and shape, that's hard.

Being unhealthy, it's harder.

Choose your heart and we, we could go down this path again and again and again.

Being a protector and a provider and a leader, that's hard.

Failing to protect your family, failing to provide for your family, failing to lead your family, that's harder.

Choose your heart, you with me.

And so, you know, we, we want to use as an excuse.

It's like, oh, it's so hard to do this.

No, it's not.

To me.

It's much, much harder to be on the wrong side of life, to be on the the path that's going down so much harder, infinitely harder than on the path that's rising to greatness and health and happiness and success.

So we all get to choose our heart.

Which one are you going to choose?

Are you going to choose to lead your family?

You're going to try to coast because no one has ever coasted to the top.

Just doesn't happen.

So how are we going to lead our families?

We have a lot of great friends and new friends coming to stay with us at the World School Family Resort.

And we're working out together and we're doing studies together and we're having great conversations and discussions together and, and creating these amazing experiences for our whole families.

We have some somewhere around 20 kids here right now.

It's amazing.

Between the ages of 1 and 19, it is, it is so awesome.

It's so much fun and there's so much going on.

And we're, we're getting to watch the creativity and the play and the inspiration and the energy and the drive and the push where they're all striving to make each other better and stronger and, and amazingly miniscule amounts of disagreements or, or fighting or not getting along fight for the most part, they're getting along wonderfully well.

And it's because the way we're leading our homes and leading our families and the, the way we've set up our home here to host people and the, and the culture, the dynamic we, we establish.

So how do we lead our families?

Gentlemen, you are the king in your Kingdom.

You are the president, right?

So you know there's going to be a new president of the White House, but more importantly, is the president in your house who's going to be the president?

Now, some of you might be married to a woman who wants to be the president.

And in that case you just work with her.

But my wife and many of the wives, if not most of the the couples we get to work with and the men I get to work with the the wife actually doesn't she doesn't want to be president.

She's happy with a kind of a Co president or a vice president role.

My wife doesn't want to be, you know, the president, so to speak, just going with that metaphor.

She loves the vice president role and, and my wife's a leader and she's a thinker and she is strong and thoughtful and independent and confident and competent and awesome.

But she doesn't want that role.

She wants me to take lead and the wives we hear from because she she coaches a lot of women and I get a coach couples as well.

And then the wives we hear from, they want their husbands to lead the family.

Many of them wish that their husbands would be more proactive and take on more leadership and more responsibility in their home and family.

That they would lead out more in the health and fitness.

It would lead out more in planning and dating their wives that they would lead out more in helping the kids be ready for adulthood, be ready to launch and learning the life skills in the education in the faith, right, leading their families in faith and across the board, right?

And, and you, you men are doing a good job.

Like you're doing a great job, especially those of you listening to this, like your, your good husbands, your good fathers, your good businessman, you're doing a great thing.

That's fantastic.

Celebrate that.

It's amazing.

But if we are truly leading, what does that mean?

What does that look like?

Where, where are you doing well in your leadership?

Acknowledge that, write that down, get clear about it and, and continue to do that.

But then we all have to ask ourselves, where am I failing to lead my family like I know I could, like I know I should?

Where am I lacking in leadership?

And as is always the case for men, a formidable family man, we have to lead in fitness.

That's mind, body and spirit.

And I know you guys have heard me talk about this before and I will never stop talking about it because these are the fundamental things that we always have to revisit and we always have to work on.

All right.

So are we leading in our fitness?

Are we leading in our family?

And we, are we leading in our finances?

And so as, as we just think through it and reflect on it, you know, and, and sometimes we're, we're doing well and things are going well, they're good or OK.

And I, I guess today the invitation is for you just to reflect on your own leadership role, leadership style, leadership responsibilities and just see how you're doing.

Again, not beating anybody up, you're not beating yourself up, not throwing anybody under the bus here like this isn't this isn't this huge reprimand.

It's like this call to arms invitation, this chance to say, yeah, let's do this, let's be better.

A chance to say, you know, taking the, the whole election of the, of the United States with the, the new president and, and take that as a reminder to lean into the leadership in our own home and how I want to do better.

And so if I were doing this and, and I do this all the time.

So I guess I'll, you know, really what I can share fellas, is what works for me, what has worked for me for almost 24 years of marriage and seven children and multiple businesses and an extensive travel all over the world because that's our, that's our family lifestyle and our family dream.

So here's how I've done it.

I will evaluate myself on how I'm performing in each of the important roles.

You know, let's say, let's say a protector.

How am I doing as a protector?

Well, sit down and I'll think through what it means to protect.

And it's not, I mean, obviously it's physical protection, but it's not just physical protection.

It's protecting my kids from, well, any, any kind of negative force from, from toxic things and toxic people and scams and poisons.

And it's, it's from horrible media and, and online garbage and, and all the addictions that are possible from easy, from the drug addictions to the alcohol addictions to screen addictions, even to food addictions.

It's protecting them from limiting beliefs a a broken identity about themselves or scarcity.

Thinking of fixed mindsets, right?

That's part of my role as a leader of my home is to protect him from all those things.

So I'm, I'm evaluating all of that.

What does it mean to protect him?

And the only way I can truly protect my kids is if I'm leading from the front, if I'm ready to protect them.

No, I, I found it challenging and that maybe you have to, to know like really, truly know where I'm at.

And it's easy for us to think we're better off than we are.

Well, it's also easiest easy for us to think we're worse off than we are.

But to be honest, is can be challenging.

And so it's important, at least for me in in my journey, it's important for me to test my limits.

So if I want to be a physical protector and I think, yeah, you know, I'm, I'm in good fighting condition, then I need to go out and I need to spar, I need to grapple.

I need to get in with some some other people and see if I really AM.

And then then you have this, the reality check, rude awakening.

You jump in the ring, you're like, OK, I'm nowhere near where I thought I was.

I thought I was pretty tough.

And I guess I'm not.

Or you go out and test your fitness, right?

We've got to be in fantastic shape.

There's no way in the world we're protecting our families if we are not healthy and fit and strong.

Put on the energy and the stamina and the vitality to even stay in the game.

So you do some kind of competition, sign up for a race, do a triathlon, go climb a mountain, see where you're at.

And it exposes the weaknesses, which is great, right?

I don't.

And, and here's here's what's important.

Maybe, maybe this will be helpful for some of you.

When I realize I have a discrepancy, when I have a weakness, when I have a limitation, when I when I measured and I come up short, I am firm with myself.

I'm hard on myself, but I am not mean to myself.

There is a difference and it's important difference, right?

I acknowledge where I'm not doing what I could and should be doing.

And usually I know that too.

I don't, I don't.

It's not like some shocker to me that I am living below my potential.

I think we know that.

So I don't be myself.

I don't say mean things to myself.

I don't tear myself down.

I don't, you know, you're a loser, you're a failure.

You're, you're not even lovable or likable.

You're a disgrace.

I never ever say any of those things.

I don't say them out loud and I do not say them in my head.

It's strictly forbidden.

I don't allow that crap because it doesn't help.

Now I will be hard in myself, talk and say, hey, that's that's unacceptable.

You're better than that.

You've got to do better than that.

They're counting on you.

Step it up.

You got this.

Let's go.

Don't slack off.

Don't take it easy.

Don't make excuses.

Don't play the victim.

Get up, make it happen.

Let's go.

And so I'll measure myself.

So we go through protecting, we go through providing and providing obviously isn't just the finances.

I know many men kind of slip into that.

Like what I I pay the bills, there's money in the accounts, what's the problem?

I'm providing.

That's just one aspect of it.

We also have to provide mental support, emotional support, social support.

We have to provide a listening ear.

We have to provide some motivation and inspiration and, and some pushing and discipline.

Sometimes we have to provide correction and guidance and mentoring and coaching.

There's so much we get to and have to provide gentlemen as, as real providers, as leaders in our home.

Man, it's so much more than just money.

So that I, I would go through all that then like what, what do I need to provide?

How, what am I doing?

Well, celebrate that, keep that going.

Where am I falling short?

Where do I need to provide more?

And then walk through it all.

So fitness mind, how's your mind doing?

How's your mental fortress spirit?

How's your faith?

How's your spiritual strength and health?

Because that's part of leadership.

It's a very, very important part of leadership.

And then how's your marriage?

Where can you be a better husband?

How can you bring back more magic and romance and passion in the marriage?

And then I'm going to go through that.

I'm going to look at how my wife is feeling, how she's doing, how am I doing?

I'm going to take an honest evaluation of like, am I truly dating her or am I just going to emotions checking the boxes?

Am I hoping she kind of carries that load and that she plans the dates and she makes sure they happen because, you know, I'm busy doing other stuff.

That's a cop out, man.

How am I doing with my time and my attention?

Where's my focus?

And, and you guys know this, I've shared this before.

My favorite evaluation for myself is the silent film.

If my life were a silent film, if my leadership as a man in my home and family were a silent film, would it be blatantly obvious that I'm leading my family?

Not by what I say, but but what I'm consistently doing.

And then the second, you know, part of that I love to ask myself is would this hold up in court if I had a judge and a jury, would it be easy to prove in court that I am leading my family?

Well, yes, good one.

How about with each child?

And, and this is what I do, my own evaluation.

I think through my relationship with each kid.

Am I spending enough quality time with them?

Am I mentoring them?

Coaching them?

Am I loving them?

Have I been too stern, too hard, Too indifferent?

How are my feelings towards them?

How much love do I have for them?

How much love am I regularly expressing?

Do they know I love them?

What's their opinion of me?

Do they like me?

Do they want to spend time with me?

Who am I fully engaged and present with each of them.

And then as a whole, like my family legacy, my family culture, family dynamic, that's all me.

That's my leadership role.

I love this stuff, man.

I love this stuff.

So what else like we go through?

And of course, finances, right?

And we, we are talked about that like I'm, I'm leading the income.

Am I, am I working on my income?

Am I bringing in the money my family wants and needs for their dreams and goals and and necessities?

How about expenses?

Am IA good steward with the money?

Is it going toward the things that add real value to my family?

Am I leading my nation, my Kingdom well in, in what we're spending and how we're spending it?

And then of course, investments.

Am I preparing for the future?

Am I preparing for generations to come?

Am I setting up great investments stuff?

I love it and I so I just go through, I go through the whole thing.

This is just my process and I do it very regularly and even in a, in micro levels, I'll do it daily.

Like, OK, how am I doing there?

And I make adjustments.

So again, I'm firm with myself, but I'm not mean to myself.

I'll notice where I'm falling short and then I'll say, OK, I got to step that up.

And so it turns into daily habits and daily practices.

That's where the rubber hits the road and that's where we get results and consistency.

And that's where we can overcome this obstacle.

My daughter was talking.

I was like, why is it so hard to find good men and good leaders?

Why does it seem so hard to actually do what we're supposed to be doing?

And it's not that we just have to switch our mindset.

And so every day you and I get to wake up and we can struggle to get out of bed or we can just get out of bed and do it.

We can work out or skip the workout.

We can eat well or eat garbage.

And and either way, it's there's going to be challenge.

It's going to be tough.

Sometimes it's tough to, to resist the junk food, but man, the junk food will accumulate and then you're going to see what, what tough is suffering in that sickness and and low energy terrible man.

So I want to be happy and I am, I want to be healthy and I am, I want to be fit and I am, I want to be prepared.

I am, but I, I want to be more fit and more prepared and more dialed in.

Like for me, I'm on this never ending journey of personal development and growth.

I love it.

I love growing.

It's not a burden, it's not some terrible thing.

It's not like I'm just confined to personal development for the rest of my life.

Also so terrible.

It's actually fantastic.

I love it.

I love working out.

I love educating myself and working on my mind, love reading from the great classic books and devouring all the the great teachings and lives of the greatest men and women have ever lived.

I love I love working on languages, learning new languages.

I love expanding myself, working on my skills day in and day out, so I'm more valuable in the marketplace and I'm more useful to my family and to humanity.

That's that's ultimately where I want to be.

I want to be a useful man and true leaders are extremely useful.

So brother, I hope, I hope this has been helpful and, and it's sharing what's worked for me.

This worked for for over 2 decades.

It's working like a champ.

We have an incredible marriage.

We have great relationship with our kids.

We're living up fantastic life, we're living our dream life as a family.

And ultimately it comes down to my responsibility to lead to be the king in my Kingdom.

So how do you want to lead and respond?

You know, connect to me.

Connect to me on on social media if you haven't already.

I'm on LinkedIn at Greg dot Denning.

No, I'm on LinkedIn, but I'm on Instagram at Greg dot Denning.

So LinkedIn, YouTube, Facebook, jump on there, connect me, shoot me an e-mail, leave me a message here.

Like, how can I help?

How can I help you lead?

What are the things you're doing well?

What are the things you want to do better?

Where are the things that you're like?

You know what?

I need some help with that.

If you have questions, you want specific things, I'll do a podcast.

I'll make videos for you.

And if you want or need, when you're ready, sign up for coaching, join the formidable family man tribe, get in a great community of men.

And we're where we meet together twice a week, every week to discuss and share tools, strategies, tactics, tips, principal systems that just work to lead our families.

And it's a lot, Phyllis.

Admittedly, it is a lot to lead your Kingdom.

And yet what, what alternative do we have?

None.

We got to lead in, In my mind, there's no other option.

I'm leading my family, period.

No, no excuses, no rationalization, no justification, no victimism.

I'm leading my family.

And so if that's the case, I'm committed.

I'm in.

I'm going to make this happen.

I'm going to figure it out.

And it's it's awesome.

Then you get the results that are worth every effort that we make to lead our family.

So I hope this has been helpful.

Thanks for listening.

Love you guys, gentlemen, Be the man.

Be formidable, Be a family man, be the king in your Kingdom and make your Kingdom absolutely excellent where you can wake up every day super excited about the life you get to live with your family.

It's possible.

It is challenging of course, but failing will be much, much worse.

Be the man.