0:00
Create a life where they just grow up thinking this is what we do.
And it's like, oh man, I wish I knew this stuff sooner.
Like I tell people all the time, you tell me your habits, I'll tell you your.
Future that sounds crazy, but all of your life is habits it.
Creates part of their identity.
0:15
It becomes so normal and natural.
A sudden one day you wake up and it's like you've shot away from whatever you were.
Once you get into it, then you get on that side where you're like your body physically misses it.
Really wish that I had learned this when I was younger.
I wish that, you know, my dad would have done these things.
0:31
It build it into their identity and their way of being and it makes it so much easier for them to to follow that path.
Gentlemen, welcome to the formidable family man podcast.
I'm your host, Greg Denning and super stoked today to have Nate Feathers back.
He's become a friend and and I reached out to him and said, brother, let's let's get on and have more conversations about the journey to be in the the best dads we can be.
0:59
So super stoked to have you back brother and have a fun conversation today.
Yeah, man, glad to be here for sure.
So I, I thought today, man, that we would share just some like the simple stuff, the, the daily things, daily routines, daily rhythms, daily rituals.
1:15
I, I'm sure for you As for me, like some of the things we get into maybe even years ago, they'd become automatic and we just kind of forget.
It's like, oh, those are things that keep me happy, keep me sharp, keep me focused.
And, and so I'm, I get a question all the time.
You probably do too.
It's like, you know, what should I be doing or how do I, how do I that?
1:34
That's what I get.
I'm like, how, how do I remember to do that?
Of course I want to do it.
How do I actually do it?
And it's just been on my mind last couple weeks.
Like these rhythms make all the difference.
Yeah, absolutely, man.
I, I totally agree.
I think that if you can make like everybody, everything we do is habits, right?
1:52
So I mean, really, if you can, if you can just change the habit to the things that benefit you or benefit your family, that's really what you're looking to do.
It's like maybe just pick one and and just hone in on it.
I'm going to do, I'm going to get up at this time of the day and that's all I'm focused on at this moment.
2:09
That sounds crazy, but I mean, all of your life is habits.
If you really took take one week and just sat and looked at yourself and tried to be aware, you're like, Oh my gosh, I go to the same place.
I do the same thing.
Like, you know, and I mean, the, the thing I'm thinking is the guy who gets up at the last minute, this is the stuff I used to do in college, get up at the last minute, throw some clothes on, run out the door.
2:32
That's still a habit, right?
You're still in, you're still in habit mode because that's just your habit is that you get up as late as possible because you want to sleep and you sleep in.
You hit the snooze and then and then you're springing out the door.
It's like a maybe you kiss your wife goodbye, maybe you say bye to your kids, that kind of thing.
2:48
That's still all habits.
So really, I mean, I feel like just figuring out how to change, all right, I'm going to move my, my clock back at 6:00 to 5:30 and I'm just going to, I'm going to not hit the snooze.
I'm going to, I'm going to move the, the clock or move my phone, whatever it is, so that I have to get out of bed.
3:08
That's all I'm going to do.
And that way at least I can get some coffee and sit down and be awake for a minute and not feel like like the whole day just is coming crashing in on me, you know?
Exactly like I'm just chasing and always behind.
Yes, well, I love that even even 30 minutes of just just be still, just take some breaths, just chill, just like like, OK, I'm alive and I'm not chasing something.
3:32
Just that would be amazing.
And then like working into maybe reading something, do some prayer, meditation, some breath work, you know, move your body if you if you move into that.
But those kind of, I love how you said that, brother.
Those kind of habits that we automate, like they become a powerful force to move our lives in the direction we wanted to go.
3:57
Yeah, and, and I do love, I love the slight edge how it talks about like you can have habits that will get you like that kind of it's like a hockey stick, right?
It doesn't seem like it's moving very the needle very hard.
And then all of a sudden one day you wake up and it's like you've shot away from whatever you were and those work both directions.
Like you could spiral down and you spiral up.
4:14
It's not like both work and both are slow like that.
Slow progress.
Not working out today doesn't change your body composition, you know.
But not working out every day for a year.
It's going to hit you and you wake up 1 morning and be like crap.
4:32
I'm really.
The world, you're like, I'm jiggly.
I don't want to be this way.
Or, or even worse, you try to pick up a kid or something or try to help and you can't.
I had AI had a friend.
He, he, I have a friend and a coaching client.
4:50
But he, you know, he went hiking, he came over here to visit us in Portugal and he went hiking with us along his Cliff.
It was gorgeous.
There was just one, you know, there's one hillside, we're out there with our families and he had to stop like 3 or 4 times on the way up and, and he hadn't been tested because he was so busy running his business.
5:05
You run the family and stuff.
It's good dude, great businessman.
But he's like, he was mad, he was mad.
He's like the fact that I had to stop like 3 or 4 times on that, it pissed him off.
So he went home and got in shape.
Dude, it's, it's awesome.
5:21
Now he's like running hills.
He's like, and besides his new habit, he, he did exactly what he's saying.
He started getting up earlier and just walking out the door and running.
And so that's the new norm.
Yeah, no, it's amazing.
Everything it does.
I feel like even just I feel like maybe it is just the the getting up early, like the quiet time.
5:40
I know, I know it's coming down to the end of the day for you, but for me, it's like the start.
It's still dark out right?
But it's like when no one's awake.
I love it.
It's not because I don't want anybody around.
It's just because there's no one asking for anything.
There's you're just at peace.
5:55
And honestly, for guys who are just starting, even if you fall back asleep in your chair because you just sat there, I think it's OK.
Like suggesting just start it and then go go to sleep again.
But like, if you were to get up and just breathe, if you drink coffee or tea or whatever you do, make it, just sit for a minute, you're going to feel different.
6:16
And then, like you said, add in something, maybe send some gratitude text, like text your buddy man, dude, I'm just glad we're friends.
Whatever.
You're just starting.
And I mean, I definitely agree with you on the, the working out thing.
That has been a, that's been something for me for the past, what, 8-9 years.
6:33
That's really been a big time thing that I feel like changes.
It changes so much.
So if you start getting up, do that, you're really going to start to see a major shift.
And do you work out in the mornings?
I try to yeah, yeah, I've had these.
It's weird.
I've had these weird headaches that I get real bad recently.
6:51
And everybody talked to, they're like, you should probably go get that checked.
And I'm like, yeah, I can't figure out what it is.
It's like, it'll be like water.
I didn't drink enough water the day before.
Now I have a headache in the morning.
Or I didn't get enough rest.
Now I have a headache in the morning.
Maybe I didn't eat enough, whatever it is.
And so working out, it used to be like every day, I would barely take days off.
7:11
But I will say that that started, it caused me to be like, OK, you got to dial that back.
And then I started working out a little bit late in the day.
I will say if I don't work out, I feel it.
It's become so part of me that I can't not do it.
It drives me crazy.
Yes, yes, yes.
7:27
That's, that's for the guys who are like trying to get into it.
Once you get into it, then you get on that side where you're like, I like your body physically misses it, your mind, your brain misses it when you, you miss your workouts.
But you got to earn that.
So our family and, and I used to go to the gym and I actually loved going to the gym.
7:46
But then, you know, the more kids we have.
So for new listeners I have 7 kids and and they how many kids you have bro?
I have six.
Yeah, this is definitely a podcast for for guys who want to have babies.
You keep adding kids, you're like, bro, I got to find time here and I know right, 15 minutes gym, 15 minutes back.
8:07
I'm 30 minutes.
I'm like, I can't get a workout in a 30 minutes.
So I started buying my own equipment And now, now we have our place here.
We have a phenomenal gym, but we work out as a family and, and, and I didn't, I didn't just start doing that once we had a gym.
I did it when we had no equipment and I'd drop down push ups and the little ones would crawl over and crawl on me like.
8:30
OK, I'll do push.
Ups with kids on my back, I'll do air squats with kids on my shoulders, I'll bicep curls these little ones and they just are giggling and I'm I'm burning like because I wanted it to be a family, like a family culture.
Yeah.
8:45
I wanted my kids to have those habits because, like, you were talking about earlier, man, like, I tell people all the time, you tell me your habits, I'll tell you your future habits are literally the building block of your life.
So we look at our own habits as men.
But then, like, wait a minute, What are the ones?
I want my kids to still start them early.
9:03
Used to have little ones, and my youngest just turned 9.
But she's out there every day with us in the gym.
And it's just like, this is how life is.
Yeah.
I mean, you get them involved.
That's awesome.
So tell me a little bit more about that, because the one thing that I because I started doing that and I I feel the same way.
9:20
Like my I was really big in the CrossFit.
I was coaching and and and then the box moved, which is totally like.
I love the people there.
I love the community like, but it was a 20 minute drive there, 20 minute drive back and I felt the same way.
And every time I went when there, because I had, I, I had keys to the box because I was one of the coaches.
9:39
There were times where I would go in the middle of the day when they didn't have class and if the kids were home, they wanted to go.
And we're talking now you got free rein of an entire gym.
So they loved it.
Yeah, dude, they loved it.
And I mean, I have video of them doing dead lifts like and all this fun stuff.
9:57
They may have, may or may not have been doing exactly what I was doing, but they were, you know, they were working out and they would say like every time they'd ask like, so can we go to the gym with you?
They would, they would ask, is anybody going to be there?
Because if somebody's there, then they have to go to the kids room and they can't really be part of it and all that.
10:14
But it, and if it was a class, but when I would go alone, they wanted to be in on it.
So I, I did the same thing.
I mean, I, I, I basically last year I built the gym in the garage.
We painted it all and got it all set up.
And then, I mean, I, I bought a rig and I got a rig and I got the weights, all the things and I started working out.
10:32
The one thing that got me nervous was that they like working.
The younger they are, the less they pay attention.
And so sometimes I'm doing heavyweight and they are like, the youngest will come up and be underneath me.
So what did you do to like really the safety part of that to keep, keep, keep them safe because they, my kids really do want to do that.
10:51
But it makes me nervous at times.
Let off all four of them into the garage at the same time.
Absolutely.
Yeah, I would do that.
Same thing and, and to be honest, like you'll be doing curls and they start running when it's up and they happen to get there when you're going down.
11:07
You're like, Dang.
So, so we learned about that.
Like the way we have our gym setups, like the, the heavy equipment is in one section and I'm constantly reminding the little ones.
It's like, hey, guys over here, like the running, the playing, the roughhousing, the goofing house.
11:23
Like the goofing off is not over in this section.
And so then then they're over on the mats and they're like they're playing their games and then doing the push ups and pull ups, all that stuff.
But where we have the heavyweights, yeah, we just kind of, I just keep reiterating until they realize, hey, this zone is not for kids and not for goofing around.
11:42
Yeah, I will say like I love that because it be it, it helps.
It helps get them in the mindset of that this is, this is fun and good, but also there are things we have to do to make sure every everybody stays safe.
Like self-awareness, like a situational awareness.
11:59
I love that.
I will say the youngest, he's just under 2.
He'll be two in February.
And he is, no, he ain't getting that.
Yeah.
So I will say I'm like, OK, back up buddy, because I'll like go to deadlift or like do some RDLS or whatever.
12:14
And his whole thing is I'll grab the bar, but you know, you lean down.
And so he leans up to give me a kiss.
So before I start a set like I, I usually get a kiss from the little one and then we start.
Then we start.
Every set is that way.
Exactly.
So at least he knows there's something situational there that he's like, OK, dad's about to start.
12:33
And, and it like you guys, for those of you listening, like, and I'm sure you've experienced any like it creates part of their identity.
It becomes so normal and natural that they grow up.
And, and here's here's what for at least for us, is what has absolutely worked.
Create a life where they just grow up thinking this is what we do.
12:53
We we read great books, we eat good food, we work out, you know, five days a week.
These are the things.
So it's built in automatic.
And it's funny, your kids get older and they start meeting people and they're, and then then they're like, wait, what?
You guys don't work out as a family?
Like, like, wait, what?
13:11
How's that even?
You don't read what's going on.
And so you build it into their identity and their way of being.
And it makes it so much easier for them to to follow that path towards their their their own greatness.
Yeah, absolutely.
Gosh.
And it I, I don't know about you, but it's so funny because the more the older I get and the more I want to learn myself and the more I look back and go, wow, really wish that I had learned this when I was younger.
13:34
I wish that, you know, my dad would have done these things and now I'm doing them, but now I'm doing them as a dad.
So I'm, I'm learning them while my kids are growing.
Like I'm not learning fast enough to give them all the things I want to have them have.
I want them to have, you know, I'm, you know, and it's all sorts of stuff that I think it matters, but it may not matter as much as I I make it matter in the sense of like, oh, I want to know jiu jitsu and I want to know how to, you know, clean guns and put take them apart, put them together.
14:01
I want to know how to shoot, Probably should learn how to use a crossbow or a or a bow and arrow.
I'm like, I need to be able to do all of these things.
I need to be this as I mean, you're, I want to be a formidable man and then I'm like, but I need my sons to be that way.
I haven't learned that yet.
14:16
Now they're watching me learn, and it's like, oh, man, I wish I knew this stuff sooner.
Yeah, you know.
What, what you and I are both doing because yeah, I grew up the same way.
Like when my dad split, stepdads came and went like I didn't nobody taught me any of that stuff.
So I'm, I'm with you.
14:32
I'm in my 30s, my 40s.
I'm like, gosh, I'm just picking this crap up.
But now watching our kids, 8 year old, this is 21 -, 23.
Watching our older kids.
There's already comfortable with those things.
Oh yeah.
Like they already have this awareness even around like mindsets, business skills and ideas and and you know, self-defense.
14:54
They're already.
There it's it's awesome.
Tell my grandkids they're going to have the advantage.
Tell the truth yeah, no, I totally agree, man.
It's like and I I this is not in a bad way.
I totally envy my I totally envy my oldest right now.
15:11
Not in a not now.
I wish I wish I had what you have.
I just mean, he is, he's at this point where he's like, all right, I'm, I'm trying to learn this.
I'm trying to learn that I'm going to do this business.
I mean, it's so funny to feel like, and I will say this for the guys who have kids that are in their teens, it didn't feel like he ever wanted to be anything like me.
15:30
I actually told him yesterday.
I was like, I kind of feel like sometimes you didn't like stuff because I liked it and.
I'll be like.
You just didn't want to like what Dad likes.
And now we are so similar that he's and and he's he's got to that point where he's like, Dad, you're right.
And I'm like, finally we we're we're to the point where we're not.
15:49
Yeah, right.
We got to win because he wants to do, he doesn't want to be like me.
He wants to do his thing.
But he still has all of those things that he's like you said, comfortable with.
The other day he was like, he was like, yeah, I'm so sick of my friends only like they have to have the weekend off.
16:06
He's like, I don't get it.
Like what is this weekend off thing?
Like it's today, like Saturday's just another day.
He's like, yeah, maybe we go to church on Sunday, but but Sunday's just another day.
He's like, why wouldn't I work out?
Why wouldn't I do my thing on those days?
And I was like, Oh my gosh, I love this so much.
16:23
That's proud moment, Yeah, when it starts to click.
Yeah, it's so it's huge.
It's.
Really.
And kudos to you brother for earning respect.
Like, that's one thing I don't, I could never get tired of talking about that as, as fathers.
16:41
Yeah.
Earn respect by our results because results don't lie.
Yeah.
So we're getting the results.
And we're not being losers or jerks or unpleasant people, but we're getting the results and we're striving to be good men.
The kids notice, bro.
16:57
They're watching it, paying attention.
And then they come back.
And like, so like you said, he's like, like, I don't have to be exactly like you, but I want to be like you.
I want to get the results you're getting.
You want to do the things that you're doing that work.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
17:12
That's the biggest win as a as a dad.
Yeah.
And I think the thing about our daily habits and I, I just clicked is that if you think about what, if you think about what a lot of guys want specifically, when I think about this, I think a lot of times about sons and I have so much more connection to them just because I know the life they're living even at their, in their youth.
17:31
You know what I mean?
Like we, we, we grew up as boys.
So we get it.
And so I have that.
But I remember thinking like I, I grew up watching Michael Jordan.
You want to be be like Mike, you want to be able to do what he can do, right?
But you never ever saw what he did to be able to do what he could do on the court, right?
17:49
You didn't see all the work behind the scenes.
I wanted, I wanted to have, have lots of money and you'd look at rich people and see their cars and you'd be like, I want, I want that car and and my son is still talking just like that.
But you didn't see what it, what it took to get there, right?
18:05
You didn't.
The reason we don't have what certain people have is because we didn't do what they were willing to do.
We didn't sacrifice, but they were willing to sacrifice.
And as dads, they get to see all of the work, all of the daily stuff that makes like makes it makes us have what we have, right?
18:22
So you don't know, everyone talks about like the Cinderella's, I think about fights because I used to fight, but it's like fighters are up.
Like they just come out of nowhere.
No fighter ever just came out of nowhere.
That fighter was in the gym, in the dark, constantly doing his work.
And when the opportunity came, he had done all sorts of work to get to that point, to win that fight, to be the guy who just showed up out of nowhere.
18:45
And our and our kids get to watch the other side of that with us, right?
I think that's what earns the respect you're talking about is they get to watch the daily mornings where they wake up and Dad's already in the gym or the daily mornings where they get up and Dad's already reading books.
He's already sitting there doing things or they're seeing his nightly routine and they're like, that's how and when they when they're like, why do you always do this?
19:06
You can be like, well, this is what makes the champion.
The champion just doesn't show up.
It is you don't get to just have it.
You have to work for it.
And this is the work that you do.
And I think that's the great part about being a dad is that they see your habits.
And if they see your results, they're like, oh, those habits give me these results.
19:23
And that's what makes them want to follow, I think.
Yeah, exactly.
They.
Start making that connection.
The, the temptation is that like these good men who are out working hard, they, they want to come home.
And when I hear they're like, I just need some downtime on, I want to unwind.
19:43
I just need to check out.
And unfortunately, like, that's like prime time when your kids are awake and your kids are watching and you're like TV, you know, video games sitting around.
And and so that's when we, man, we lose a lot of influence and a lot of respect if we give into those temptations to just take it easy.
20:04
And even if we're like, Oh no, I you know, I was up real, I was doing hard things.
But then then they see you and experience you.
Just when I say leveling, leveling off, right, very often guys get in their late 30s, early 40s or 50s and instead of continuing to level up, they start leveling off.
20:20
And so right when your kids are becoming teens and starting really notice, they're noticing you, you know, entertain yourself more and put on weight and take it easy.
And it's the opposite of what you were just talking about.
Exactly, exactly.
20:37
And how sad though, that we, we have a tendency to blame that on age.
You know, I, I don't know how long ago it was.
It wasn't that long ago.
I mean, maybe a year or two ago I heard that our like we always blame the metabolism.
Oh, my metabolism slows down as you get older.
And I heard that it's total bunk.
20:53
You know, like your metabolism hits at 20.
And that makes total sense because when you're watching kids grow between the age of like birth and one kid changes like crazy and then they're growing and they're, and they're getting taught like that's where their metabolism is, is on fire.
That makes total sense because their body is always growing and figuring it out.
21:09
Once you stop growing, that's kind of where your metabolism like levels off.
That's at 18, Not, not not you don't like it doesn't keep slowing down, you know, no, you got more sedentary, which means that your body doesn't need as much energy consuming the same amount here's.
21:25
Your habits exactly, yes.
Exactly.
It's totally that and you're right, you like right about the time people start to get comfortable and I love that leveling off, that's when the kids are watching the most.
It's like.
And then that's things really sink in for the kids because they've, they become cognizant now, like their awareness of life is right there.
21:49
And, and you never want that to be that point where they start paying attention and you start levelling off just leads to disaster.
OK, so let's let's share it like at at the beginner beginner stage, just get up 30 minutes earlier.
Just sit there and be peaceful.
22:06
Some guys I know listening to this are like, Hey, I already, I'm already hitting it.
I'm going like, how can I, how can I optimize?
Let's let's share, I'll share some things.
You share some things like what are you reading?
What are you writing?
What are you listening to while you're driving?
22:21
Like what are some of the things you're you're implementing that just help you stay sharp and and stay on your A game?
Yeah, so the number one thing I've been reading most recently, this is crazy because I mean, I grew up in the church is the is the Bible and I, I've turned back to reading it, understanding that God's like, Hey, I made all this so I can tell you how it works.
22:42
And that's how I'm reading it is this is God.
Just tell me this is how it works.
And so I'll read and just I, I'm a I'm big into the history of it and, and the culture at the times and stuff like that.
So there's a lot of stuff I'll, I'll try and understand from that aspect of it.
But just reading the Bible as this is, I heard a song back in the day.
22:59
It was called basic instructions for before leaving Earth the Bible.
And it was like that acronym.
And I'm like, that's I love that God's like I'm not just telling you about me and telling you about what I did.
I'm telling you how I created things to work.
And if you follow that things work, that doesn't mean you won't have hard times.
23:17
So Bible's been the number one, the number one.
Move on this one.
I tend to not listen to music anymore.
In my 20s and even 30s, music was all I listened to when I was driving.
And now it's all podcasts.
It's all, it's all.
There's so much out there that you can listen to that can make you so much better and give you insight into something new.
23:38
And so there's this guy, I think he's in his 30s, but he isn't.
It's Chris Corner, the corner office.
That's been the podcast I've been listening to the most.
He he does like side hustles and businesses and then starts them.
But we're talking like this isn't a side hustle where you make a couple 100 bucks.
23:56
It can be.
But he's turned side hustles into main hustles and into like all of that.
And I love that because I don't want to be a guy that goes into AI.
Don't want to do a nine to five.
I was saying, right, I was saying before we started that this is my busy season because I do Christmas lights, but I own the company and I started it with three clients and now we're at 150 and it's a full on, like it's a full on show man.
24:21
And we're talking, you've got you're, you're looking at big end clients wanting lots of things, spending, spending days at at I was at a house for two days.
You know, stuff like that is huge.
And so I love that.
And so I'm listening to this because that's a seasonal business.
24:37
How else can I add it?
I listen, I was listening to him.
This is crazy.
I was listening to him on September 5th and by September 21st I had started another business that kind of matched in on the Christmas lights and I'm like, I was already doing delivery.
I'd already like reached out and started it and you know, success loves speed.
24:54
So it was like, let's just go and do it.
Like I've already got the connections to some level.
And so I've I've been listening to the corner office a lot recently just to kind of gather ideas on how to how to I'm a starter.
I love the starting of the of businesses.
I love pushing it and see what we can get.
25:09
So, you know, I connect with him a lot enough.
I got a just extra emphasis on what you said there because input determines output.
And so if we have a regular flow of input, you'll catch that spark like what happened to you in September.
25:28
Whoa, I could do that.
I could add this, I could pivot, I could make a new offering, or I can improve what I'm doing and and boom, you start it, execute, and there there's another stream of income.
It was, it's crazy.
And the number one thing I would tell people on that is I did not have any, I didn't have the product.
25:45
I mean, we start it, it coincides really well with Christmas lights.
It's it's porch decoration for like fall, right?
So like pumpkins on your porch and things like that.
And, and so it coincided really well and it so it made it easy, but I had no idea where to get any of the stuff.
I'm not a pumpkin farmer.
26:01
Like it's not like I had all this stuff on hand.
I just was like, I'm going to do that.
And if someone says yes, I'll figure it out.
And that's literally what happened.
Like I had people say yes.
And I was like, better, better find a farm.
Awesome, I love that.
26:17
Yeah, tell me a little bit about what you're doing as well.
Well, that's what, and I want to, I'll share what I'm, what I'm doing in, in this, this habit I have.
But you guys, this, I, I can't emphasize this enough.
This regular flow of books, podcasts, ideas, conversations, makes all the difference.
26:38
And, and I, and I've had, and I remember going through this process myself and I've heard lots of guys say, well, well, how do you, you know, if I want to, if I read a book, how do I implement it?
I don't want to read too fast.
I've gotten to a part where I'm like, just have a steady flow every single day.
Like miss a meal if you have to, but never miss some input every day.
26:57
Like listen to something and, and they're doing it right now by listening to this.
So kudos to you guys, but listen to something every single day because it's just sparking ideas and reminder and so many cool things that we already know.
We just forget out of sight, out of mind.
You're going along, you get busy and you just forget.
27:13
So constantly listening to something is like, Oh yeah, I got to, I got to, I got to take my wife out every week.
I can't miss taking my wife on a date, right.
And it's these reminders of those things.
I, I, I read, I read business books in the morning.
27:29
Well, actually, I'm, I'm with you.
I do Bible study, yeah, in the mornings.
And I'm, I'm, I'm geeking out about the history and the culture and like the, the layers of meaning.
And we share with my kids and, and we, so we do our little morning devotion.
We talk about it and I just I just restarted a book called The Genius of Jesus.
27:50
It is so good.
So I'm going for that one again.
I love it.
I saw this in books like that.
And then I'll get into business books, personal development.
And then at night I so I book in my days.
I start my day with some input from a great book and I finish my day in bed reading a great classic.
So I'm reading Plutarch's Lives, a great classic.
28:10
I live a little bit every night and then I'm I started.
So my all time favorite book is Les Miserables, the Victor Hugo.
OK.
But forever I wanted to read it in the original French, and so I've been working on French and I've gotten there enough where I'm reading Les Mis in French as he wrote it.
28:29
Dude that's awesome.
I love.
That man challenging me mentally for the language but also it's one of the best books ever written.
Now let me ask you something on that because a lot of people, a lot of people are like, Oh, I can't learn languages.
And I'm like, well, you speak English, so that's like a a you can learn.
28:46
And I, I haven't, I have an affinity for four language.
So a lot of times I'll pick stuff up and it just sticks.
I speak Spanish and people are like, where'd you learn that?
I'm like, Oh, well, 20 years ago I lived in Costa Rica and that's where that's where I learned it.
And they're like, and you still took like, I'll be out on a job site or whatever and I'll say like, I'll say something to somebody in Spanish.
29:06
And they're like the gringos speak Spanish, you know, that kind of thing.
And I'm like, oh, yeah, like that's what I did.
But it's just sticks.
So I, I have to sometimes say maybe that's the case.
Maybe I just have an affinity for it and that's OK.
But I, I feel like, and you tell me based on your experience, you feel like learning French.
29:23
Do you feel like it's horribly hard or you feel like you just putting the time in, doing it and making it work?
Yeah, it's just the I, I, it's an effort thing.
It's a focus thing.
So I, I, I made this commitment years ago that every five years I'm going to become fluent in a new language.
29:39
Dang, it's.
Awesome.
So I'm just, I'm just going to just crank through the languages because I love connecting with humans and cultures and ideas and, and their way of being.
And so 100% I love language.
It really comes down to to effort.
29:56
And so here, here's my strategy.
Well, I'm with you.
So I went to Peru and that's where I learned a la Fuerza, right?
And you and Costa Rica, like you go, go and merge yourself.
You'll learn it's power.
Truth.
Yeah, Yeah.
The other thing is, and you guys, this is mind boggling awesome.
30:14
There's, there's about 1000 words in every language that are the most repeated and most used words.
And if you memorize 1000 words, soon as you get to that spot, you can comprehend, you may not be able to speak it really well, but you can comprehend 60 to 70% of what's going on.
30:33
Like let that sink in. 1000 words, 70% comprehension.
Like it blows your mind.
So then, so then you push the limit.
You're like, well, how quickly can a person memorize 1000 words?
And you're like, well, so if I came to you and I was like Nate $1,000,000, bro, if you can memorize 1000 words in the next 10 days.
30:53
Could you do it?
That's happening, yeah.
That's right.
You're like, done.
That happens.
Yeah.
And so you could be at 70% comprehension in 10 days.
Yeah.
So it's not powerful to know we don't have to go with that intense.
But you say, man, what if I do that over the next year?
31:10
Just memorize 1000 words.
And I use I use those apps and flash cards and I label everything in my house and I make it fun with my kids.
Boom, It's totally doable.
And it is one of the coolest ways to develop that part of your brain.
Like learning another language is so unique in in mental development and it's great for kids too.
31:30
And.
And adults.
Yeah, we don't have to stop.
We do not.
No, you don't.
Yeah.
You know, at this it's the same complacency you get with your own body, right?
You do with your mind.
And I, I question so much like people.
And that sounds awful because obviously there is a point at which life ends, but I wonder if our life ends early just because we just, we just quit.
31:48
You know what I mean?
We just, we just stopped doing anything and all we do is like consume, consume everything and not produce anything. 100% In fact, they found they did this study watching for years and years.
There was over several decades and they watched these these people in their lives.
32:04
The the more they slipped into doing the exact same things the same way all the time, the the probabilities of going into dementia and Alzheimer's and and those kind of things and earlier death just skyrocketed.
32:20
That was like this whole study was like, keep doing new things, learning new things, trying new things because it keeps you alive.
Literally, yeah.
I love that.
And you what's fun is this is a great example I was in.
So I was learning Spanish and I will say I I picked up Spanish real easy.
32:36
So when I was in high school and, and junior high, we started learning.
By the time I got to college, I had friends that were Latino that were like, how do you do this?
And I'm like, I don't know, I just learned in school.
It just stayed.
And so then I would talk with them, but that would like solidify it more.
But I was in, I was in Japan and they were having that.
32:52
We, we were doing some work there and there was, there was, they were trying to have a conversation and the Japanese.
Wait, what?
Instantly she's like, Oh my gosh.
She had lived in Mexico for three years.
And so I'm in Japan speaking more Spanish than than anything else.
And we were able to like circumvent the language barrier simply because she popped out of word in in Spanish because she was trying English.
33:15
And I've noticed that when you're and, and like little kids will do it.
They can learn 5 languages simultaneously up to the age of 5 because the brain is just wide open for it.
But the crazy part is you'll, you can tell they they move so fluidly between them that they'll be speaking one language and out outcomes a different language because they can't think of the word or whatever.
33:34
Like I want milk and then leche comes out instead whatever.
And that's what happened.
What you'll find is that languages have very similar like similarities.
And so you'll be speaking another language or learning a new language and be like, wait, I know that because of another language I learned, especially if you're learning like, I mean, there's the romantic language is like if you're learning French, I know Spanish, Portuguese and Italian, those all four of those have very similar.
34:02
Well, they all come from Latin.
So you can learn 4 languages based off of what you're doing in French.
What I'm doing in in Spanish, you could learn all four languages out of that and be able to learn them faster just because you're like, oh, I know that word.
I know what that is.
I think that's what.
34:19
Yes, yes, yes.
It increases vocabulary, comprehension, ideas.
It it it allows you access to more people and and more authors, more experiences, movies, music.
Yeah, it is.
It is a cool, cool thing to do in in.
34:36
Yeah, just part of, I don't know, if you're like me, it seems like you are like this whole idea of the Renaissance man of Leonardo da Vinci.
And it's like, bro, let's, let's try all the cool things.
Yeah, right.
Experience as much as we possibly can, and language is one of them, and martial arts is another.
34:57
I don't know, flying an airplane and driving a boat and operating a skid steer, I love all that stuff.
Yeah.
And, and shooting guns and, yeah, learning archery.
I just, I just went hunting for the first time with a crossbow.
Their experience is crazy.
35:15
So it's, it's just, yeah, it's, it's that expansion that makes all the difference, man.
I love that.
So.
So how far into French are you?
That's amazing.
I love it.
So yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm reading Les Mis and understanding most of it.
35:32
That's true.
You're doing well.
Watching movies, I'll pick specific movies to watch.
That's harder.
Movies and music are tough to to get, but I try to have as many conversations I can.
I'm close.
What I need to do is go spend a month in France.
35:50
And you're in Portugal, so you're not too far, right?
We're close, man, and we go to Morocco.
We go to Morocco every year and they speak French as a second language.
So I get AI, get a practice down there.
We actually are.
We were down there last time and our car died in the middle of nowhere.
And I didn't speak any Arabic and nobody around spoke any English and it was because of French.
36:08
Like, we are able to get through the whole thing and get it resolved.
Yeah, let's go.
That was so useful.
It was so useful.
That's good stuff.
OK, let's.
What other things you're doing with your family, brother?
36:24
Do you guys have weekly monthly rhythms that just work for you to keep?
Yeah, you know.
And your wife close.
And you and your kids close.
Yeah, I will say that I think we we started doing we started doing a club soccer and I think that actually showed me the rhythms that we have that I don't want to lose is to be honest is because we would literally have to go pick up kids And and we don't we don't homeschool.
36:54
We we have a school that is, we, we have a private school we send our kids to that is we call it like a farm school.
They, they get to do a lot of cool stuff on there.
And it's not it's definitely a shift from public school because my older 2 went to public school.
I wasn't there yet.
37:09
And so now I'm like, can we just get them home?
Like just have them around us all the time.
But when we would pick them up from school and go directly to the soccer field and I would take snacks with us and, and I'd pick, I'd basically pick up the boys and do that and they would practice.
Both boys were on two different teams.
37:25
So it was like practice and then the other one would practice.
So dude, I'm telling you my #1 complaint about it.
And I know like you get into the weekend and you see all these families and it's like the same exact vehicle.
Everybody's got the same exact wagon that they're pulling with all the stuff for the kids in it.
37:43
And you're out on these fields and you're there all day.
And I don't know how many dads are out there being like, this is insane.
Why are we doing this?
But I mean, it took away two nights a week where we had family dinners.
And that is huge to me.
Family dinner is huge.
38:00
So it took away family dinner 2 nights a week.
It took away the weekend.
It took away the connection.
Just the normal like slow down of connections.
And then we're, we're all, we were running everywhere and there were good things they were learning.
38:16
But I think the number one thing it showed, it exposed the way we live.
That's so different from the world around us.
And the number one things I could say is that it took all of our, it took so much time that we weren't cooking dinner together on the weekends.
38:33
We weren't cooking dinner together two nights a week.
That was is so bothersome.
This weekend is their last set of games.
And I love what they've gotten in the sense that they've gotten better at soccer and things like that.
But I'm really struggling with with letting them do it again.
38:49
And they're going to want to, but I'm really struggling with it only because I'm like, yes, but it takes away from the things that I say and I believe are Uber important over and above soccer.
And I'm not saying I'm not the guy that goes MO.
My kids are they're they're not going to do like I'm not going to be the guy that's going to say, Oh, they're not going to be the next Messi because it could be.
39:07
But if they were out in the backyard like doing headers and like juggling and like dad, I just juggled 1000 times at like outside of soccer, I'd be like this kids probably going to want to play soccer, right?
But they're not doing that when they're done.
They want to go do normal kid things.
And so they don't say they just don't have the drive to play like that, which is totally fine too.
39:27
But it's telling me that why am I putting time, effort, money and giving away things that are important to me to that when I know that it's not really going to take them where they where I want, where I want them to go.
You know what I mean?
Yep.
Yes, yes, yes.
What's every example?
Yeah, yeah.
39:42
So I would say the the things that we do that are rhythmic we're are dinners together.
That is huge.
The dinner table is so important to me.
I think there's too much that we can lose if we just, if we, if we, I shouldn't say this way, there's too much you can gain if you just eat dinner together.
40:00
That's massive for us.
And well, you, you can have breakfast too, if your schedule allows it.
Schedule allows it like meals together and just time together is a game changer.
The, the way that that hit me years ago.
One time a similar situation to you is like, Hey, wait a minute, Everything we're we're saying yes to has an exchange rate.
40:21
It has a cost.
And, and so he's like, what's the exchange rate of the kids being soccer?
Because there are benefits.
There's great things.
You're like, hey, if this starts or whatever, it could be ballet or art or whatever it is.
It's like it's when it starts to pull away too much from the family, when the exchange rate or the cost gets too high, we've got to start saying no.
40:42
And, and it's interesting, we live in such an interesting time.
I think one of the biggest problems that families are facing is they're saying yes to too many things.
I totally agree with that.
We got we got to start putting stuff on the chopping block and just get big back down to time together, just living and being.
41:02
Yeah.
Absolutely so, but too busy.
Way too busy.
Yeah, it's a keeping up with the Joneses thing.
And that's, I think that's the part that's hard is that, you know, it's not keeping up with the Joneses isn't just your house and your car.
It's it's kids playing soccer on and the weekend.
41:19
It's all of that and there's AI think that there's a massive feeling that we're supposed to fit in to this idea of culture.
But if that's, I mean, do that if you want to be average, I guess.
And I, I don't say that to be mean, but if you want to be average, do the average things, right.
41:35
Exactly.
If you want to be like everybody else, do what everybody else is doing.
If you want the same result, just keep on that path.
Yeah, yeah.
And I think that when you, when you look at it, there's again, this whole soccer thing has had me and my wife has had to deal with me being like, yeah, I don't like this.
41:51
This is not, this doesn't work for me.
Like she's had to deal with it the whole season.
And we paid for the whole year.
So there's another season.
We're supposed to do it.
I'm just going.
I think I'm I'm willing to let the money go.
I'm willing to let the money go.
It's OK because I just, I don't like it.
And, and I felt like a big baby, to be honest, because I every time we're there, I'm like, this is this is ridiculous.
42:10
I'm here for, I'm, I'm here at the fields for, for basically like 5 to 6 hours.
It was a 5 to 6 hour run between picking the boys up from school and getting home and then they're not getting the right sleep.
With your boys.
No, no, I will say this when when one's practicing, I, I get to pass the ball around or whatever with with, you know, like I played soccer back in the day.
42:32
So we'll pass will shoot whatever with the other one and then it switches.
But the truth is, once the one practices, he doesn't really want to keep playing.
So it doesn't it doesn't it doesn't translate as well.
And I don't know, man, 6 hours of just being out there and not really seeing any, any kind of like connection and whatnot.
42:53
It's just that's a that's a fourth of your day, isn't it?
That's crazy.
I mean, I sleep that much.
That's that's. 100% with you on that.
We got to say, Morris, we have more family time and, and you're even saying that, you know, effects their sleep and then it affects all kinds of stuff and it can have a ripple effect.
43:10
So again, it's just for everybody listening.
What a great reminder.
Like look at everything that's in your life and, and I would say get, get really intense, man.
Get, get, get really clear about what needs to be chopped out and, and I guess I feel confident with all the guys I've worked with, I feel confident saying the vast majority of men need to say no to more things and.
43:31
Totally.
Yeah, totally agree.
To many things in your life, it's just wasting time.
Yeah, absolutely.
Well, and I've heard it said if you say yes to one thing, you're saying no to everything else.
Well, if you keep saying yes to a lot of stuff you're saying, you're probably starting to say no to all the things that are actually important to you, right?
43:47
I mean, that's what's happening is you're you're saying yes to all the things that your neighbors are doing are the people you're trying to keep up with are doing.
You're saying no to actually all the things that in here are saying I need to be doing this, I need to be doing that.
You're saying no to those things.
And you'll wake up one day and you'll regret all of that.
44:03
Exactly.
There's this really cool decision framework.
It's like we start on on this scale of bad, right?
You say no to the bad things so you can say yes to the good things.
And that's obvious, right?
Yeah.
OK.
Yeah.
Well, I'm, I'm not just going to drink myself stupid here because what a waste of life and ruins my family.
44:20
Everything is like, I'm not doing that.
So like I'm going to say no.
And and I'm I'm an advocate like no alcohol.
OK, here here's my craziness.
I don't even drink carbonation, bro.
I'm like no, no soda.
I'm like, I'm not doing anything like I'm not sit around doing Mountain Dew.
44:38
So I'm, I'm hardcore, but I'm like, get get the junk out.
So let's say, OK, it's clearly bad.
Don't do that.
Now you move to good.
This is where it gets more challenging because you start getting good results.
You're like, this is really great.
But the next step of the scale, it goes from good to better and then from better to best.
44:55
So at some point you have to start saying no to good things so you can say yes to better things.
And eventually in the real refinement part, you even end up saying no to better things because there's a few best things.
45:11
And that that's a hard part right there.
Because you look around, you're like, dude, her life is good.
Like things are good.
Like this is great.
But if you want to keep levelling up, you have to even even be more intense and more deliberate about that.
45:28
It's like, hey, here are these good things.
But I know if I say yes to good things, I'm saying no to better and best things.
Yeah, totally.
And it's a tough scale.
That I think you're right.
I think that's that's people get lost right there.
They get lost at the the good to better and very few go from better to the best.
45:46
I think that's a yeah.
And you're whittling down the things like you said, you're whittling down the things you're saying yes to as well, right?
That's really what it is.
You get down to.
I only say yes to like 4 things.
It's something like that.
It's crazy.
And then you do when you and, and I think that this takes a lot of intestinal fortitude because if you if you do that, you're going to be weird.
46:09
You're the weird guy.
You know what I mean?
Like.
You're the outside.
Yeah, you are on the outside.
But again, when you come back to the whole what people look at what they want, you have the body that they want.
You have the finances and the and the relationship and the family that most people want.
46:26
They're just not willing to do the things you do to have what you have.
And that's the difference.
Exactly, dude, you nailed that.
And it goes right back to you were saying before, like you want to be like the masses, just keep on that path and you'll get those results.
But if you want to be like the masters, contrast the the masses and the masters.
46:45
It's going to be few and you're going to be on the outside and people are looking weird, but you will have the results that don't lie.
Exactly, exactly and.
They'll come back and go, how did you do that?
And you're like, well, back to my daily routines, baby, I have.
It I do.
Exactly.
47:02
Love it.
OK, let's wrap up, bro.
That was fantastic.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You're spot on with all this.
And I, I know you agree it gentlemen, it literally comes down to what we're doing day in and day out.
47:19
Like those are the building blocks for life.
That's where the results are earned and kept.
We, we want to do some grandiose thing.
We want to be like, you know this once a year big.
It's like, Nah, man, bring it back and build it into your daily rhythms.
47:38
Make it a way of being.
And then watch how quickly things turn and, and move upward towards the, the life you want to live.
It's so powerhouse.
So build it into the day or the week and, and try this replacement thing.
47:54
If something's in there now you're like, this isn't serving our family.
Replace it with something that will and, and right away you'll start feeling a difference.
It's it's so cool.
Cool, That's awesome.
Any last thoughts brother it?
Was that's fantastic.
I love, I love your mind.
Such a smart human, such a good guy.
48:11
So thank you so much for having me.
On well and and thanks.
Thanks well for what you're doing.
What you share is awesome stuff.
What do you let's share again?
Like where people can connect with you and what are you?
What are you working on?
What are you building?
What are you?
How are you up and down?
So right now I have so you can catch me, Dad's don't babysit.
48:30
That's where you'd find me on Instagram.
I have that on TikTok too, but it's very similar.
So a lot of my work is on Instagram, like now Jack Knoefall and I have been doing a podcast called Dad's Against the Narrative.
That's really, it's been interesting because we started it as a more of a conspiracy podcast where it's like talking about the conspiracy theories that are out there that end up being, they end up coming true.
48:53
So it's not like it's a conspiracy theory anymore.
It's like the truth.
But I, I'm, I'm in the spot where I'm like, yeah, there's no more theories like.
Yeah, no, it's just all.
Conspiracy, and it's bad and it's deep.
Right.
I told him I was like, we need to share this like batting 1000 since 1863 kind of thing, you know, like I think, but but at the time, what I've noticed is that a lot of it comes back to we really are focusing on dads questioning the narrative and and creating the narrative for our children in the sense that we're not just going to sit and just take spoon fed whatever is given to us.
49:28
Don't believe everything you read or everything you see.
Question and be the skeptic and be OK with being skeptical because it creates critical thinkers and then teaching our children to be critical thinkers.
And so we've kind of come from that line.
So it's really, it's been interesting to watch.
We had Kyle Carnahan on and it was, it was not about conspiracies at all.
49:47
It was about fatherhood and the pain of watching your children make decisions and, and, and watching them do things that you don't want them to do and then trying to help them through problems.
It was so good, I had to highly recommend it.
But that's been the number one project we've been working on right now.
50:03
And again, I'm currently in the busy season of my, of my company.
So I'm really like, as the sun comes up, I'm like, all right, we're getting ready to head out and it's time.
So it is literally dust the dawn to dusk for, for the next month.
50:19
And then then it'll die back down.
And I live my life in seasons, but my whole family knows that this is the season we get into.
So when this is over, I'll spend, I'll spend all of December like making Christmas cookies and hanging out with the kids and doing all that stuff.
OK, so, well, I got to, I got to bring that to attention because we, we get tempted like, oh, this will just be busy temporarily and 10 years later, like, yeah, it's, you know, I'm going to get no man, it has to be temporary.
50:47
When you grind that hard, it has to be temporary.
And you have to load up on family before and after.
So you're hearing you say December, like family time.
We're baking stuff together.
Like that's how we we refill and redeposit in those relationship accounts.
51:10
But I have a curiosity for you when you're grinding for the next 4 weeks, like super hard sunup sundown, how do, how do you stay like healthy and strong with like for without burning out?
Because Burnout's burnout's super easy.
51:26
Yeah, no, I totally agree.
Yeah, it's funny because I'll be on roofs and I'll be like, Nope, I'm I'll feel tired.
Like I'm to to a level where I'll get into a valley and I'll lay there for a second, be like, I'm going to it's going to be OK.
You're going to be all right.
So there are times where like it comes from the CrossFit and, and from that kind of mindset of just like I can do this, like these are things I can do.
51:47
I've I can do hard things and I used to get in the shower, like cold showers or I'd get in the the cold plunge and be like, we do hard things until they're not hard anymore.
We do things and I'd be like shivering like we could do that.
I do the same thing.
It's like just do hard things.
I sleep a lot like we, we basically like when I get home, we eat.
52:06
I like put the babies down.
It's like that routine is pretty minimal.
And then, and then I noted like last night, this is rare for me, but last night I think I fell asleep with the little guy at like maybe 8:30, you know?
And so I got a full 8 hours, even though I got up to like got up early.
52:24
So it's, you have to really focus on those things to stay to keep from getting sick.
Because that's the thing your body will, that's where burnout hits, right?
Burnout hits.
And then and then you get sick and then it's like your body's like, no, you didn't shut down and now I'm shutting you down.
We're shutting it down now.
And so I try to pay attention.
52:41
I take food with me.
I, I, we will eat here and there out and the guys I work with are like, can we go here?
Can we go there?
And I'm like share whatever because they ride with me, but I take food with me.
So I mean, I'll, I just eat all the stuff that is, is normal for me to eat anyways.
52:56
And I think that's a huge deal too.
That's a game changer.
It makes a big difference getting a good feeling and, and this is true obviously mentally, spiritually, emotionally like we can, we can get overwhelmed or collapse or sick and all those things if we don't maintain that stuff.
53:13
Totally true all.
Right, brother.
Love it.
Thanks, man.
Gentlemen, be formidable and be the man.