#79 Own It! Leadership, Family, and the Power of Taking Responsibility, with Carlos Mendez

Gentlemen, welcome to the Formidable Family Man podcast.

I'm your host, Greg Denning, and today my guest is Carlos Mendez.

He is a retired Navy SEAL and an instructor for Echelon Front where he goes around giving keynote addresses and workshops for businesses on leadership and and ownership.

We have an awesome conversation today about what it means to be a man, what it means to lead as a husband and a father, and how to exercise grit and discipline.

He shares some really awesome practices and principles that we can begin doing today to lead our families from the front to be better husbands, better fathers, better men, and and habits that we can put in place right away to generate more energy so that we can show up for the people who matter most for us in our lives.

So jump in, enjoy this episode and be the man.

All right, Carlos, ma'am, I'm glad you're here, brother.

I've been looking forward to this conversation and, and excited to learn from you.

And, and I, I, I just kind of geek out and my mind goes crazy because you've, you've had so many experiences all over the globe in military background and of course in business and you get to work with so many people.

But give us, give us a quick background on your story, kind of what drives you and makes you, makes you tick.

And then we'll, we'll dive in from there.

And I have some great questions for you and excited to hear about your perspective about manliness and and family.

Oh, man, what makes me tick?

I'm going to say that what made me tick before I had my family, I grew up very old school, right?

Both my parents are immigrants and they raised me very strict.

So, you know, life was, hey, I came home from school, I did chores, I did my homework.

And you know, my, my stepdad, he's the one that raised me.

He was raised in Czechoslovakia when it was still called Czech, again, under communist rules.

He's a really tough, hard man.

And he raised me the same way, right?

So I love when people ask me, hey, did you play sports growing up?

And I said, yeah, chores were my sport because he always said, you know, like, hey, sports are useless, right?

And they're not going to get anything out of it.

You'll get more out of working.

So that was pretty much my my life growing up.

And, you know, there's a listen, there's a balance to everything, right?

I'm not saying that I'm going to raise my kids that way, but.

Well, I was actually going to ask that.

Let's let's go there for a second.

Yeah.

All right, let's.

Do it because it's, it's so different.

You know, my, my dad left when I was really young.

Step dads came and went.

So I didn't have anybody around.

That was a, a good example, right?

Sure.

As as a father figure and and you had a stepdad that raised you most of the way and was very strict.

So how is that playing in now as you're raising your sons?

I'm, I'm taking, listen, I'm taking a lot of the things that I loved that they did for me is in particular my stepdad, right?

I'm taking a lot of things, but I'm just being a little bit of balance to it.

Yes.

Because I do think that the way my stepdad raised me, it made me a very competent and confident young man, right?

Because as he's giving me all these assignments, as he's giving me all these projects and chores as you're completing them as a young man, I remember thinking like, I'll give you an example.

I remember he would say, Hey, you're going to paint the house, the entire house.

And I'm talking like, I'm, I'm in, I'm still in elementary school, dude.

And I'm thinking of myself, you know, an entire house for a child.

You're, you're just like, that's impossible.

And he's like, oh, you can't come inside until you start.

So I just, it's like, well, I can't go inside until I start.

So I just start right?

And then I see a, a, a, a section of it done.

And then I see another portion of it done.

And it's little by little.

Yes.

And then afterwards I would sit back and I would look at my work and I would think.

I did that, yes.

And then the next time he would do it, right.

Hey, you're going to do all the irrigation for the yard.

OK, cool.

The once again, I'm thinking that's impossible.

But then I do that and all these tasks that you accomplish little by little, right?

You the confidence starts growing and now you're yeah, I can do this.

I could do this.

Yeah.

That's so awesome, 100%.

So the way I carry it over to my older son, right?

My youngest one, he's too young right now, but the older one is I try to make, I don't want to say I want to make life difficult for him.

I don't want to solve his problems.

Exactly does.

That make sense because listen, we have a pretty good life, right?

It's not like how I grew up.

We immigrated to this country.

So we started off, you know, in fairly humble beginnings.

And my parents struggled a lot early on in life.

And I observed that my son isn't going to have that.

So my job is to make life just a little bit difficult for him and have give him a little bit of a struggle, right?

Oh, you want a car?

Cool.

Go get a job, right.

You're going to buy your own car.

You need to.

You need to have some skin in the game.

Well, how am I going to get to?

How am I going to get to work?

We have a bike, don't you?

Yeah, exactly.

Feet.

Can you walk?

You better find something that's real close.

Just those things.

Hey, oh, oh, you ran out of gas.

Oh, that's cool.

Well, you should probably find a job.

Yes.

You know, so just small things like that where I'm just like helping him along.

I'm letting him struggle, but right, he's got some boundaries Where where I'm still guiding him, if you will.

Yeah, let's let's man, we're already into it and we still got to get back to your story, but let's let's go into that a little bit more because you're exactly right.

I grew up in some tough circumstances.

You did as well.

And so because we're now living better lives, absolute lives, because we have so much going on like our kids, they're not going to experience a hardship.

And and I'm not, I'm not keen to be like out you go, go, go figure this out at 1516.

But I also realize, and I you do too, you're saying the same thing.

It's like one of the greatest disservices we can do for our children is make their lives too easy.

So and striking this balance is important.

So the people who are listening to this podcast are predominantly successful entrepreneurs, business owners, like life's good, like we got, we got lots of good stuff.

And so in this desire to not make it too easy for our kids, where, where, where, where do you find this?

And you already gave a couple examples, but let's let's dig in that a little bit more.

And, and especially what you've seen too, you've seen with people all over the world and, and people you get to work with, like where's this, where's this line where we can have success as men, but not spoil our, our children?

Yeah, listen, you're, you're exactly right.

You know, my son is never going to struggle the way we struggled growing up.

And so it but I truly feel that that was what lit fire under me as a young man, right?

Like I wanted to get out.

I wanted to do something with myself.

I didn't want to struggle that way.

And so I need my son to have a little bit of that fire.

And so, you know, just giving him chores, letting him figure things out on his own.

If he makes a mistake, like let's say, for example, let me think of another example.

He forgot something at school, right?

And he's like, well, can can you get it for me?

And I'm like.

Never forget it.

Yes, you're going to pay the consequences.

Hey, whatever they are, you got to pay the consequences.

I guarantee you next time you're not going to forget it exactly and just giving them those tasks that give them confidence.

Like for me, I'll, you know, I, I think one of the things too that that I kind of changed my mentality as time went by.

I used to be really big.

And I'm not saying that school isn't important, but I used to be really big on school.

Like, hey, you need to have straight as like my parents did, right?

My parents are like, you need to have straight as.

If I got AB, it was like, that's OK.

If I got AC, that was completely unacceptable, right?

And so I was like that for a long time with my son.

And then as he started getting into junior high and high school, I started to kind of change my mentality a little bit because now I started to be around a lot of really successful people.

And I realize that they weren't straight A students.

Exactly.

They weren't straight A students.

As a matter of fact, they were well-rounded humans.

So that's when I started saying, you know what, I'd rather you be a well-rounded human then get straight A's and that's the only thing you do at school.

So that's when I was like, hey, we need to play some sports.

All right.

So like now he, he play, he wrestled the wrestling season just closed out, but he wrestles, he has a job, he goes to school.

And then he also was part of a, a business magnet program.

You know, where they like, they learn about the economy, they learn about stock trading, they learn about supply and demand.

So yeah, he's not getting straight as.

And you know what, I'm fine with that because he's going to be a well-rounded human being because that's what life is.

Life isn't like, hey, all you do is work.

Life isn't like, hey, all you get to do is your family.

Life isn't, hey, you just get finished.

No, you got to balance those three, right?

And so giving him I think, is more important.

Yeah, so good.

I don't know if you ever had a chance to read Thomas Stanley's books.

He wrote The Millionaire Store and The Millionaire Mind and he said that exact same thing.

He studied all these successful people and he's like, good grades were not the common denominator.

It was the well-rounded skill set of understanding a lot about life and and developing those skills along the way.

I love it.

Wrestling is huge, man.

It's an individual sport where it is just tough.

I love that and my kids and I love, I love getting my kids into martial arts.

We do Krav Maga, we do some MMA jiu jitsu.

We go climb big mountains too, because when you're on a big mountain and it is just grueling, it's so hard and you get above elevation, way elevation high and, and like you just have to start seeing what you're made of.

And, and, and I know that those skills and those mindsets, the things you, you learn by doing really hard things kind of on your own.

That's not fabricated.

It's a, it's a real thing.

It, it translates back to your life.

Maybe that's a maybe that's a lead in right there, brother, to your, to your time on the, on the seal teams.

Like that's that journey of making it onto the teams.

And then how many total years were you, Marie, on the SEAL team?

So I joined the Navy in 1999, but I graduated Buds in 2003.

So from 2003 to 2021.

Wow, Yeah.

So almost 20 years and and.

Lots of countries.

Yeah, wow.

And let's, let's, let's just talk for a minute about like what you gained from the, the very famous challenge and difficulty of, of even getting into that and, and the rigorous life of, of the, the physical and mental demands of, of operating like that at those levels.

Yeah, well, listen, once again, I got to go back to my childhood, right?

The way I grew up and the way I said I saw my stepfather be gave me a lot of confidence.

Listen, like I said, he was an immigrant, didn't know a soul, came here at like 1819 years old, didn't even speak the language.

And what I saw from him, that was probably the hardest working man I've ever met in my life.

Like this guy would work all day long as a drafter.

He would do design, I think, like elevators.

I think it was right.

He went to ITT tech, graduated and got a job.

And then he would come home, take a quick nap and he would deliver pizzas all night long, come home like at 2:00 in the morning, sleep and do it all over again.

And this man would do this seven days a week, like he works seven days a week.

So watching my stepdad do that gave me the confidence.

I always have had that mentality just from watching him.

I'm going to do whatever it is that I have to do to make things happen.

I love that.

And so as a young man, you know, when I was in this, going through the training, I'm thinking like, OK, if my dad could stay up all night and work, I could stay up all night and do this too.

And I thought back a lot to what he went through.

And I was like, you know what, I've got four square meals because listen, during the whole week they got to feed you four times a week because you're burning like 12,000 calories a day.

But I'm like, hey, I'm being fed, right?

I've got a roof over my head.

And so my expectations were were small of life.

I didn't have Great Expectations, Randall.

That's such a good mindset.

Perspective, right?

Because a lot of these people, they were like, they were miserable.

They're like, I'm cool, I'm wet, I'm hungry, I'm tired.

And I remember thinking, and I'm not kidding you, dude.

I remember thinking to myself, like, man, I'm getting paid to work out, you know?

And every single time, like let's say they did put you in the ocean, right?

And you're shivering.

And I remember and, and dude, I know it sounds a little bit vain and funny, but I tell you, it's the truth.

I'd be sitting there shaking and I'll be thinking like, oh, I'm going to have an awesome 6 pack for summer, right?

Because I'm just hammering away.

I'm burning all these calories.

But that's the difference, right?

It's just perspective because then you got a guy needs to you who's literally like, this is miserable, this sucks.

So it's all about perspective, man.

But yeah, growing up the way I did gave me that perspective in the SEAL teams.

And then just going through that training just gave me an even bigger confidence in terms of like, hey, grit, Grit is what's going to get you to where you need to go.

Because listen, I'm by no means the most talented person.

If you look at the SEAL teams, I always say the SEAL teams are are filled with immensely talented people, right?

Bigger, we're faster, smarter than me.

And the thing that I saw with my time in the SEAL teams is grit will get you a very long way.

And it's one of the things that that I talked about in my workshops is grit and discipline.

Because I talk about, listen, listen, think about all the things that don't require any talent whatsoever.

Showing up on time, showing up prepared, being a good teammate, being passionate for what you do, doing what you say you're going to do, none of those things require any talent whatsoever.

All they require is a little bit of grit and a little bit of discipline.

And just that alone, unfortunately, in this world, will set you apart from your peers.

Absolutely you can.

You can begin to shine almost immediately because so few people will show up on time, though.

So few people will follow through and do what they say they're going to do.

Exactly.

OK.

So obviously not everybody can even make it on, on a seal team or go through what you went through to get there.

How do, how do you recommend cultivating the, the grit and the discipline?

Like take, take a normal guy, you and me and well, not, not you, me and, and other, you know, the listeners who maybe don't have that background, but like, how do we?

Because it's, I guess what I want to point out is it's not something you have or have not it it like we would be ignorant and naive to think, man, Carlos, you're so lucky, bro.

You have all this grit like you can do anything because you're lucky.

You got it in the, in the Navy, But that's just not the case.

It's it's something that's learnable, that's practicable.

Oh 100%.

It's a learned skill.

So one of the things I talk about my workshops because I do get that question a lot, how do I become disciplined?

And I say start by imposing small doses of discipline in your life with things that don't matter, right?

So for example, right, I get up early in the morning, if my wife is not in bed, I'll make the bed, I'll do some breath work.

I'll go take an, an ice bath, right?

A cold plunge.

And then I'll go work out and I'm done by before 8:00 in the morning.

And just just between 5:00 and 8:00, think about all the things that I just accomplished, right?

So your mind is already a condition to, to like, hey, I'm knocking things out.

I'm getting things accomplished.

Like I said, that ice bath, Listen, yeah, it never be better.

Yep.

I love when people say, well, you know, you're used to the cold.

And I say you never get used to it.

Still sucks man.

Like saying, you know what, I'm gonna I'm gonna get really good at getting kicked in the nuts.

So just kick in the nuts, right?

And I'll get used to it.

You're never gonna get used it just but your, your, your mental fortitude, right, your mindset that is growing.

So I would say for everyday life, just put yourself out of the comfort zone.

Like say, for example, some of the things that you do right, you go on these big hikes, you go out and challenge yourself.

And every time you challenge yourself, that little part of your brain is telling you who I accomplished something that I thought was going to be hard, but now I'm on the other side.

And your brain now becomes accustomed to getting over those humps.

And then like the mental reward and the sense of triumph.

Yeah.

It becomes, you know, maybe for lack of a better term, it becomes addictive, like you want to do hard things because it feels so good to have done something hard.

Or jiu jitsu.

Jiu jitsu is another great Ave. right because I always say I love.

Jiu jitsu, Do you train?

I was going to ask that.

Are you still doing some kind of training?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I love jiu jitsu.

Listen it, it'll teach you humility no matter what level you're at.

Exactly.

And so, yeah, you won't.

You're a normal everyday person.

Nothing says that you can't go ice bath and you can't go do some jiu jitsu, right.

And between those two, you start building some serious mental, mental toughness because I mean, especially at the beginning, right, you're getting tapped out, You're getting, you're just getting crushed by everybody.

But then you come back the next day and you come back the next day, and that's all it is.

Just keep showing up.

That's it.

Man, I love that.

I love that.

OK, let's, let's switch in and just kind of again, with all the, the thousands and thousands of men that you've been around that were on the team with you, that were in the Navy with you, that now in the business world with you and in your travels and, and connections you made around the world.

And, and you just been able to rub shoulders with so many men.

If you were, if you were to define your perspective, what it what it means to be formidable and particularly what it means to be a, a formidable family man, what does that look like to you from, from all the lessons you've learned and all the, all the things you've gleaned from from being around so many, so many myths.

You know, it's, it's funny you asked me that question because when I read your e-mail earlier this morning, I was like, man, those are the three pillars that I try to concentrate on, right?

Listen, I try to concentrate on being healthy because if I can't be healthy, one, I'm not setting a good example for my family.

And I've come to learn that you want to teach people how to do something.

Setting the example is by far the most powerful way.

So I got to be healthy.

I got to because if I'm not healthy, I can't take care of my family, right?

I have to provide for my family.

And then finally, what was the 3rd 10?

So, oh, take care of my family.

So I've got my family that I have to take care of.

So for me, I've always kind of had the mentality that I need to be whatever my family needs me to be for them.

I love that.

That's it.

And, and I and honestly, I got that from the SEAL teams because in the SEAL teams, when you're clearing a house, there's this saying that we have and it's, it's, it's a fine work, right?

So when you're going into a house and you're clearing a house, let's say this person picks up this door and this person picks up that door, you're looking for work, you're looking for where you can contribute.

So that kind of what I've, what I've kind of done at home, I'm going to be whatever my family needs me to be in the moment.

So if I come home, my wife's a little bit overwhelmed and she needs help with whatever, cool, I'll plug that in.

We don't have like a set like, hey, this is your responsibility.

This is my responsibility.

Cool.

You need me to do the dishes?

No problem.

Oh, you need me to mop?

No problem.

Oh, you want me to feed the baby?

No problem, right.

I'm filling in those gaps wherever they need to be.

And, and by the way, I need to be something different for my son than I need to be for my wife.

So I always like to say that I like to make my wife's.

My goal is to make my wife's life as easy as possible, but for my son, I'm going to make it a little bit tough.

Yes.

So yeah, those are the the three things that I try to concentrate on.

I.

Got to jump in there and and comment on that because you nailed something, Carlos.

Really powerful man of showing up and and the your first thing is like, how can I help?

How can I find work here?

What needs to be done?

The common complaint we hear about so often is he's just exhausted.

Moms and dad comes home, he's exhausted too.

So I want to ask you about that in a minute.

He comes home, he's exhausted too.

And he he like he wants to just sit down.

He wants to rest, he wants to check out, he wants to watch the game.

He wants to get on his phone, YouTube, social media, whatever.

He said he wants his own time.

He wants to unwind.

You know, I hear about dads just getting home and jumping on and playing video games by themselves and, you know, say I had a rough day at work and it's hard.

I got AI got a message yesterday.

Brothers broke my heart.

This mom with lots of kids and and her husband comes home and says, yeah, but but what you do at home isn't a real job.

Like I have a real job.

So I need to take a break.

And it's it's killing me to hear that so often and and hear that.

But I love, love your strategy of like, no, walk through that door and find work, go home looking for some way to help, to be an asset to your family and not a liability. 100% and that's what I do.

I walk in through that door and I have that mentality I had in the SEAL Teams.

I'm going to find some work.

What do you need from me?

I always tell my wife, hey, what do you need from me?

It's, it's funny you say that because listen, I travel, I've travelled a lot, a lot.

And something that I noticed that would kind of always sadden me a little bit is when I would go to the airport and I would see these families go through the airport and you see the mom and she's carrying like the bag and she's carrying the baby and she's got this toddler who's yelling and screaming.

And I see the dad with his noise cancelling headphones and he's got his phone or he got his laptop and he sits down, he's completely checked out.

And listen, I don't doubt that maybe he's checking some emails for I, I don't doubt that he's not doing something productive, but they saw that a lot.

And it would, it would kill me because I'm like, take those headphones off like whatever's in front of that screen right now.

Your wife is struggling right now, dude.

Like, she's got glamouring all over her.

She's carrying all this stuff.

Like, I personally don't get it.

Now, I think it might be a little bit easier for me because I didn't grow up with video games.

So I don't play video games.

You know, I like sports, but it's not on my priority list.

Like, I, I really couldn't care any less about, you know, the football game or to me.

Here's the way I look at it, Greg.

That's like two to three hours of my day that I'm not going to get back.

Right when your family's not getting back.

Yeah, and I'm extremely protective of my time with my family.

Like, listen, I pick my hobbies around my family.

There's a reason why I do jiu jitsu not work out.

You know why?

Because I could do it early in the morning and I can get back home and it's not stealing time away from my family for me to go play golf or play video games or watch the game.

Yeah, that's time away from my family.

I can't do it, man.

Yes, yes, are the same I'm, I'm.

Trying to walk in terms of the balance because you know, everything's a balance because I work a lot.

So when I am home, that's family time, all in my family.

OK, how do you, how do you stay energized bro?

Because I know, I know a lot of guys and, and these guys are running businesses or, or, or working whatever.

How do you stay?

Like how do you stay mentally, physically, spiritually energized and alive?

Where you can show up and I and I know you're going to be exhausted sometimes.

Yeah.

How, How are you mentally and physically, like, still in the game where I'm walking to the door looking to find work, to find a way to contribute instead of like, dude, I just need some downtime, Yeah.

I think it goes back to the health thing, right?

I feel like I have a ton of energy.

Like, I don't drink coffee, I don't drink caffeine and people think I'm crazy, but dude, I'm good.

I, I don't know.

I, I, I honestly think it's because I, I take care of myself.

We eat very healthy here, eat very healthy on the road.

I've become very disciplined, especially the last two years about travelling and eating healthy.

So bro, I'll take avocados, I'll take like meat sticks, I'll take fruit on my flight.

Like I don't eat airplane food.

I don't eat food at the airport.

I make my flight early enough so that I can land in time to go to sprouts and get some some vegetables, some fruits and go grab a steak and I'll get steak asparagus, right?

So I think just maintaining health and making sure that your body has the the nutrients that it needs.

I've always been a big believer that if you give the body what it needs, right?

God made you this way for a reason.

If you just give your body what it needs, the nutrients and you're feeding it correctly, you're going to have the energy.

I truly feel that people that are really always tired and exhausted, they're just not taking care of themselves.

They're just feeding their body properly.

I prioritize sleep a lot.

All right, Obviously I have a A10 month, 11 month old, but so sleep was, you know, not a thing for the first few months.

But.

Like now listen, we put, we've always put the kids to bed early.

Like I'm talking 8:00 because you know, 8 to 9 is mom and dad time.

It is my wife and I and then we go to bed early.

So for me it makes really easy for me to go to bed early and listen this is coming from someone who coming out of the SEAL teams.

I was a zombie dude.

I was a zombie because in the SEAL team sleep is not a priority.

I wasn't sleeping.

I was maybe sleeping like 2 hours a night.

I would walk along all night.

I wasn't sleeping so on the outside I looked healthy.

I looked healthy.

So if I'm being.

Major sleep deprivation.

Oh yeah.

And then I became an investment banker and, and, and I don't know if you're familiar with that, but.

That's about yeah, I have some buddies who do that.

It's about the same sleep routine.

Good job, dude.

Like you're all nighters pretty consistent.

Like if you're done by 11:00 PM, that's an early night.

At least when I was doing it, we were, we were busy.

And then I left investment banking, I went to Echelon Fraud and I remember doing a couple engagements and I felt really dizzy.

Like I felt dizzy.

I felt like I was going to pass out and I toughed it out.

Like literally I I remember grabbing the chair and putting my knee on the chair just to balance myself out and finish my talk.

Dang.

And that's when I was like, something's wrong.

And I remember going to the doctor and then the doctor was like, hey, you got really high blood pressure and I knew I wasn't sleeping.

And then he's he goes, oh, you need to do more cardio and eat less salt.

And here's some blood pressure medication.

And I remember looking and saying like, hey Sir, I don't know if you've noticed my my resting heart rate is 42 beats per minute.

I don't need, I don't need more cardio.

That's when I'm like, OK, I'm going to take my health into my own hands.

And this was like, I say, 2 1/2 three years ago now.

And now I took it really serious.

Like I really went down the path of, all right, first I need to fix my sleep because I wasn't sleeping right.

And so I'm waking up tired.

And so I would say for, you know, men out there, I would I would prioritize sleep.

The sleep is probably the to me.

This is my opinion, right?

And you take it out.

I'm spot on with you all the sleep research I've.

Done real in it air yourself, right?

Your your your body's repairing itself.

So I started taking the right supplements.

I needed magnesium, right?

I need vitamin D3 with some K2.

Like I just really went down the path of realizing, OK, what am I deficient on?

I started drunk getting blood draws.

So every six months I'll get my blood drawn from a homeopathic Dr. and then I can see, right?

You can clearly see, oh, this is what I'm deficient on.

Because how could you, how can you supplement if you don't know what you're deficient in, right?

I can take vitamins all day long, but I don't know if I'm taking the right vitamins.

Whereas if you see your blood draw, you know.

Exactly what's missing?

You know exactly what's missing, and from that point on I really started to fix my blood work.

And just like the black.

That's huge, man.

The doctor was like, I don't know what you're doing, but he's like a 25 year old would kill for your blood work.

And, and, and, and, and literally like I'm saying, Greg, it was all natural.

Like I'm just taking natural supplements.

I just my sleep.

I just prioritized, you know, working out and eating healthy, right?

We try to which listen, you're going to get seed oils because this world just there's too many of them.

Full of it, man.

We really try not to.

We avoid seed oils, refined sugars, stop drinking.

You know I'll still have a drink every now and then, but it's not like it's not like it was when I was in the seal teams, right, right.

It's like one or two and it's not very often.

So and bro, you're like you're.

Spelling out this formula of of renewable energy all the time, 100% food is fuel.

Get the toxins out, prioritize sleep and you're like, look, I have strength and stamina.

I can handle those things.

I love that, man, I love that.

Give give us some more any any more insights in there into your like daily rhythms and routines?

You you're getting up early, you're hitting your workouts, doing the the cold plunge and, you know, eating well, you're trying to get to bed early.

Anything else that you have kind of built into your life that you feel like this?

This just helps me operate at at A at a peak level consistently.

Are you reading, listening to podcasts?

Are you like?

Yeah, I listen to Andrew Huberman, obviously.

He's great, he's great.

I listen to Gary Brecca, Paul Saldino and, and, and listen, I'm not saying that you need to take everything from them, you know, just, hey, I'm, I'm picking and choosing what I think works in my life.

Let me think Also, I, I've, I've started like trying to do sauna every day.

Like as I've heard that that sauna is really good for detoxification.

So I think between the ice bath, sauna, I, I, I try to ground whenever I get a chance, right?

Try to put my feet on bare ground.

And I think, I think it feels good, right?

There's a lot of science behind that.

And then just really being disciplined about the travel because travelling is where I, it would kill me, right?

Because you're travelling, you're on the road, you're in late, nothing's open except for something fast food.

And that's what I was doing.

Like I think for my first year, maybe six months to a year at echelon front.

And I had the excuse, right?

I made the excuse.

Well, I'm travelling, I'm busy.

And then I realized, no, I'm just not prioritizing effectively right now.

Yes.

And so now, like, like I said, my whole schedule is around.

Like, hey, I'm going to fly in early.

So if I got to wake up early, I'm going to fly in early enough.

I go to Sprouts, I grab a steak dinner.

I'd go to bed early.

Perfect.

Oh man, I love that.

And that keeps me going because, listen, at the peak Echelon front I was travelling to, I was travelling three to four cities a week.

A week, yeah.

I was the top tier at every air airline, like ambassador status at Marriott.

And so I needed to take care of myself.

Now, as I was going through that, right?

You could look at those statuses and say, like, man, that's awesome, right?

I'm Platinum status, or I'm Delta 360.

And then I realized, man, that's a bad thing.

That's exactly right.

We spending a lot of time away from my family.

And so that's when I'm like, OK, I gotta, I gotta find something that's more sustainable where I could be home and help my wife out around the house, right?

Because she's got an enormous job to do.

You could basically make making our, our house a home.

And so I've slowed down to, you know, 3 engagements a month now with Echelon.

Yeah.

And now?

Let's let's walk through that for a minute, brother, because, because that, that's a, that's a very real thing that I've experienced and, and I think so many men experience because we're so driven to succeed as providers specifically is like providing financially and, and succeeding in the business world.

And there's so much to that.

And it's, and it's a great thing.

Honestly, it really is.

But when the family or the health, it is consistently being sacrificed, like how, how does a guy legitimately bring that back to where family's a priority, but not failing in business?

Like I, I just love to hear your thoughts in your own journey on that.

And obviously everyone's going to have their own journey.

It's going to be unique.

But I think there's some principles there that we could take away that that's a really powerful way to step, step back.

Like you literally just described, like, hey, this is this is kind of anti family.

I'm doing it for my family, but then I'm never with my family.

Yeah, I feel like I've taken baby steps in that direction.

So here's what I mean by that, right?

In the SEAL Teams, I was gone all the time.

I was gone, you know, deployment.

I'd be gone for six months at a time and then I became an investment banker where you're working like 90 hour weeks and and listen, like I said, I grew up fairly humble.

So for me, maybe that part of my brain might have been a little bit more than than most people where I'm like, Hey, I don't I want to provide for my family, right?

I want to give my family everything that I didn't have.

And because I grew up kind of poor, like at times I've always felt like I'm one bad decision away from being poor again, right?

And I've always had that in my head, right.

So when I retired from the Navy, I said, I I want to find a job that makes a lot of money.

If I'm being completely honest.

I went to Business School and I asked, hey, what's the job that I can get out of Business School and make the most money?

They said an investment banker.

And I said, perfect, that's what I'm going to go do.

And that's what I did.

And then I was working like, you know, 90 hour weeks, weekends, all nighters.

And well, now I'm realizing and as I'm doing that.

Can I pause there for a question, Did that play out like did you get into investment banking and and succeed kind of right away was as you get into that field, I mean, because the a military incomes not big ever.

And so then you get into investment banking about Business School and like you start winning.

I mean not, I mean some, some investment bankers are absolutely just killing it.

Sure.

I mean, I just got in a matter of like, you know, months.

So yeah, it was awesome.

Yeah.

Money wise, yeah.

But then I started realizing, like, man, I don't even have time to spend my money.

And then I'll tell you what really did it for me.

One, I, I kind of started having like some migraines sitting in front of ATV screen, you know, a computer screen for like 16-18 hour days.

And I've been blown up in the SEAL Teams a couple times.

So I knew that I had a couple of TBIS traumatic brain injuries that I was dealing with.

But I'll tell you what really did it for me.

I was sitting in church on Sunday with my family.

So I've got my son, I've got my wife there.

And I get a, a text from my managing director saying, Hey, this needs to be done by this time tonight.

And I remember thinking to myself, wow, I'm not going to be able to finish that unless I leave right now.

And so I told my wife, I'm like, Hey, babe, I got to take an Uber home.

I got to, I got to get to this and I sat in the Uber and I remember sitting in that Uber and feeling so lonely and thinking to myself, what did I just do?

I'm in an Uber right now and I just left my wife and son at church by themselves.

Wow.

What to go do a four point?

Like what am I doing with myself?

So that's when I decided, you know what, the money's not worth it.

I started looking elsewhere and I started going down the path.

I was actually pretty far down the path with a lot of different firms.

And that's when Jocko came along.

Jocko and JP came along and, and they're like, hey, you know, we, we think you'd be a great fit here.

Echelon front.

And I never really considered it, if I'm being honest with you.

And the way they got me was they invited me to go be a translator.

They said, hey, we have a client. 60% of their employees only speak Spanish and we told them that we could deliver in Spanish.

Yeah.

You did, did you?

And they're.

Like, well, yeah, which is why we need.

We got to.

So I did it as did it as a favor.

I'm like, cool, I'll do it because they're my brothers, right?

Like they're my friends.

I got you.

I will do it.

And then when I went and I did it, I realized like, oh, wow, you guys are doing something great here.

Yeah, that's.

Cool.

Right.

They're teaching like after this workshop.

I'm talking like people were like, wow, I've been a terrible leader all these years.

Or even more importantly than that, I've been a terrible husband, I've been a terrible father.

And I'm thinking to myself, wow, this is powerful stuff.

So that's when I'm like, this is what I want to do.

So I immediately dropped, you know, the other companies that I was in the process with.

I quit my job as an investment maker.

And listen, by the way, I took a really good big chance, right?

Because Jocko said, you know, hey, we, we get paid per engagement.

So there's no guarantee that clients are going to like you.

They're going to ask for you to come back.

So I'm just letting you know.

So I'm leaving this.

That was insecure.

Meritocracy.

Like you get what you earn.

Yeah, it's definitely what you kill.

And a wife was like, hey, she was a little nervous, right?

Because sure, got this great job that I worked so hard, by the way, to get to.

And now I'm going to take this chance.

And yeah, I decided to do it.

So now I'm spending a little bit more time with my family.

Now I have weekends, if I don't have any engagements, I get to spend the whole day with them.

But now I'm just taking it to the next level, right?

Like where I'm like, Hey, I, I found a, a job that I can work from home.

I still want to do echelon from, because like I said, I do enjoy it because I've really seen the impact it makes in people's lives meaningful.

Like that's my small way of contributing to the world because what we teach is ownership, right?

Taking ownership of your life, taking ownership of your family of, of, of everything in, in your world.

And if more people are taking ownership of their decisions and their life and their family, the world can't help but be a better place, right?

Absolutely.

So.

Give us some examples because you said you you've seen that where actually I got to stop.

Thank you for sharing that story about the Uber.

Like that's, that's real and that is powerful.

And I think we've all felt some version of that.

Yeah.

The and and I, I guess I want to emphasize it to anyone listening.

Like if you've had an experience like that, respond to it.

Don't just brush it off me.

Like, yeah, that sucked, but I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing.

Like when dot and his universe speak to you like that man.

Like listen up.

Yeah, anyway, that was the loneliest feeling I've ever had and I've been alone quite a bit.

If sitting in that Uber, I was like, what am I doing?

I miss my family so much right now.

Like this is my cause.

The Sundays are my day with my family.

We go to church, we hang out, we're together and I felt like that was horn for me so.

Yeah, it's good.

OK, sure, sure.

If you can think of any, share some examples.

You said, you know, you've seen you go out, you you're teaching these people business leaders and and they're saying I've been leaving poorly.

I've been showing up for my family poorly.

Like what are you seeing that you know, because you have a unique perspective to be out there working with people.

What are you seeing that that's working?

What are you seeing that's not working?

Really good question.

I think if I give you some examples, it would be better.

Great.

So I think some, some examples.

And listen, I don't even have to go that far back.

I'm going to say this.

Last month I did a couple of engagements this this in January, I finished doing a keynote and there was this gentleman that came up to me afterwards and his eyes were his, his eyes were watery.

And then he, he was, he was telling me, hey, listen, that person that you were describing, you know, the person who's always blaming other people, casting blame, nothing is ever their fault.

He said, that's me.

He's like, when you were giving that keno, I literally felt like you were talking to me.

He said, after your keno, I went upstairs.

I called my wife.

I apologized.

I told her that I have not been taking responsibility for the decisions.

I haven't been a good head of household.

I haven't been a good husband to her.

I haven't been a good father to our kids.

And he says, if I'm being honest with you, I've actually even been suicidal.

And he says just hearing that change of mindset, he's like, I realize that you're talking to me and I need to change my mindset.

And, and by the way, that's just one of the examples.

Like I've had that happen quite a bit.

There was another young man.

I just, I did a 2 day workshop with this company.

So I'd seen this young man the day before, and this young man comes up to me and gives me an envelope.

And he, he, he says, you know, just open it when you leave.

And, and I'm trying to run out the door.

I'm trying to get, you know, catch my fly and go home to my family.

So I just kind of put it in my backpack.

But then the next day I'm cleaning out my backpack and I open this envelope.

And this young man, I guess his father was EOD in the Marine Corps.

And his father had taken his life.

He succumbed to suicide and he said that the two day workshop that he had gave him a framework of how to move forward.

Yeah, because there was a part in that in that workshop where I talked about, you know, sometimes bad things happen to good people and you just don't have control over it.

So you've got a couple of options, right?

You've got a couple of options.

Option number one is you can be bitter about it.

You can complain about it.

You, you, you can gripe about it or, or you can take ownership of the one thing that you still have control over.

And that's your attitude.

That's your attitude.

And I always say like, listen, especially if you're the head of the household, if if you're the father, if you're the husband, your family is looking to you, especially in those times, right?

This.

Yes.

At you and if they see that you're just discombobulated and you're stressed out and you're you're you know you're losing your stuff because you're.

Blaming other people you're.

Complaining all the.

Time, yeah.

And so I always say that ownership is contagious.

Ownership is contagious.

When you take ownership, like, hey, you know what?

Yeah, this sucked, but here's what I'm going to do to try to fix it.

Or yeah, I made that mistake, but here's what I'm going to do to fix it.

Now you've got a pack going forward.

And now the people who are around you are getting that confidence from you.

And they're like, yeah, you know what?

Maybe maybe I could do that too.

Yes, yes, honestly, that's how it worked in the SEAL teams, right?

If you're the team leader and you came back from a mission and some things went wrong, this is how I would start the debrief off.

I would say, hey, team own it.

You know what we we missed the extract point because I wasn't I didn't communicate that properly.

That was my fault.

But here's what we could do.

Now here's the important part.

Here's what we could do next time to make sure that doesn't happen again.

And then the next mission, I'm going to do the same thing.

Now as time goes by and our relationship starts to grow and I start to use decentralized command because I'm trying to empower my team, I'm going to say, hey, Greg, next week you're going to run the debrief.

How are you going to run the debrief?

Just like you taught me.

Anyway, you've seen it done exactly, seeking ownership.

So now, now you've got this culture in the team and in the family.

By the way, I always say this applies actually more importantly with your family 100%.

Because now you've got a culture in your team and your family where we don't, we don't sweep mistakes under the rug.

We embrace them because we understand that only by embracing these mistakes can we get better.

But it has to start with the team leader.

It has to start with the father.

It has to start with, you know, the people who are on these leadership positions.

And, and I just, I, I, I see so many men and these are good men, but they just, for whatever reason, they're just so hesitant to take on that ownership of, of, of being the team leader at home, of, of being responsible for it, of admitting their mistakes, of wanting to carry the burden because it is a heavy burden.

And, and just to put it, to pick it up and say, you know, I got this.

And if and if I made a mistake, I own that and I'm going to fix it.

But you know what, Greg?

That burden, I've always seen it as a privilege.

Yes, me too.

Me too.

It's so important.

One of the things I love to teach that fits so well with what you're just saying is that the, the men need to be the lighthouse.

So when, when there's the storms, when the waves and the, the wind is blowing and even a tsunami comes in and, and the sea is crazy.

Like his dad's husband's father's leaders, we have this privilege and opportunity to be the lighthouse just to stand strong.

And, and when it's blown, when it's crazy to to be there as and modeling it like, Hey, this is this is what we do when there's chaos, when there's frustration, when there's pain, when things aren't working out, like this is how we handle storms.

Yeah, 100.

Percent so important, so, so important brother.

I love this.

Let's wrap up with just maybe last few thoughts you have for you.

You got a a good family man.

He he wants some magic in his marriage.

He wants to lead his kids.

He's busy, busy with life and business and all the stuff and things.

Maybe just the last couple of thoughts of what you'd say, the things you've seen, things that are working for you, maybe some encouragement or or even an advice, something you share that that this encourage them to to win in the, in the, this most important role of being a, a husband and a father and A, and a businessman, a leader man.

It's a big question.

Well, it's huge let.

Me think, what if there's one thing that I would say maybe more for me, right?

Because it's something that I've seen more recently that's helped me recently is I really wanted to prioritize my relationships, my relationships with my son, my relationship with my wife, right?

And I say that because there are times where let's say for example, my son messes up, right?

He's 17, he's going to make bad decisions.

He's a teenager, right?

A part of me wants to wants to start teaching immediately or, or showing him the consequences for his actions or, you know, whatever the case may be.

But what I've come to realize is you know what?

I'm going to double down on the relationship with him.

Yes, I'm going to double down on the relationship with him because if I double down on the relationship with him, especially at this age, I'm going to have a lot more influence that if I'm possibly just beating him down, right?

Or even say with my wife, there are times where I get really caught up, you know, because I've got just like everybody else in life, right?

I've got all these things that I, that I need to get to and I'm doing them and I'm doing them.

And she wants to show me something, right?

She's really excited about.

I'll, I'll give you an example, right?

She just bought like this Moss plant and she, she really did like this little home project.

It was really cute.

And and so just taking the time to say to to actually take an interest in that be like, wow, baby.

Yeah, that's really cool.

How did you do that?

Right?

I'm asking her questions.

Even though it seems like such a small, simple thing, it's important to her, right?

It lit up her day.

That's exactly what I'm thinking.

It's important to her.

Yeah, I've always been like, you know, I'm really busy right now, right?

Like, hey, I'm in the office.

Can I look at it when I'm done?

Whereas like now I'm really, like I said, I'm really, I'm really making the effort to be present in that moment.

Hey, you know what, I can come back to this e-mail, right?

I can come back to this e-mail.

That e-mail will always be there.

But right now I want to prioritize the relationship with her or I want to prioritize the relationship with my son or have a newborn right now.

He's 11 months old.

For me, even though, you know, at times it could be annoying, right?

Because he's crying, he's fussy, he wants a lot of, he needs a lot of attention to myself.

You know what, I'm never going to get this back, never going to get this back.

And so I would say just prioritize the relationships with the people that are most important in your life, primarily your family.

And I think that everything else will work out because only by having a strong relationships with them will you be able to have influence on them and how leadership is.

That is the only way because if you're not investing in the relationship, then you don't have the capital.

And like what what you're saying has so little impact, where if you you do exactly what you're saying and invest in the relationship, prioritize the relationship, then then you're playing the long game and you've got, you've got so much impact, so much influence.

Yeah.

In that in that relationship with your kids and your wife and man, you're in a you have such a cool position because your son is 17.

Like, you know how fast those 17 years flew by.

Yeah.

But now with your baby, it's like, you know, like it's right there in front of you.

Like cherish this cause.

I'm so you better believe I'm trying to soak it in as much as paw.

It's awesome, Carlos.

Thanks brother so much.

Yeah, thanks for having me.

Great.

Powerful, so many great insights.

Thanks for sharing that and thanks for well, thanks for the work you're doing, man and and and going out and and helping people take ownership and and lead and and make the improvements of life.

It's it's awesome.

So thanks for being here, Brother I.

Appreciate you.

Thank you, Sir.

I appreciate you.