The Assault I Don't Discuss - A Personal Story
In this episode I share my experience of anal rape, discuss the dangerous myth that boys/men/AMAB people can't control themselves, discuss consent, and talk about some of the reasons why it was so difficult for me to identify this particular assault as valid and as a rape.
Sexual Assault can happen to anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. Women and AFAB people experience anal rape too and it is not discussed enough. Because anal sex continues to be taboo in out culture there is an extra layer of shame and stigma that survivors of anal rape face on their path to healing. I hope that by sharing this story I can help others feel less alone.
The Episode Cover
The episode cover is an actual photo of me and my abuser that was taken the year this assault took place. It is run through a filter to protect identities. Without context the photo looks innocent enough, but within the context of an abusive relationship the image changes. I was standing tall and confident and he is seen pulling at my arm to spin me around, or pull me to him. It was a moment I know must have appeared charming or romantic to outsiders.
Episode Notes:
Resource for Survivors
https://www.rainn.org/
The Myths
http://www.consented.ca/myths/perpetrators-cant-help-themselves/
TW: This article contains graphic details of sexual assault
https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/07/01/my-own-rape-shows-how-badly-we-stereotype-perps-and-victims/
Listen On
New to Finding OK?
Let Me Prey Upon You - Healing After Clergy Abuse
Sandy Phillips Kirkham is a survivor of clergy abuse and the author of, "Let Me Prey Upon You". Sandy was very active in her church growing up, her faith was the center of her life. When she was 16 her …
Escaping Fundamentalism and Speaking Out - Part 1
Andrew Pledger was raised in a fundamentalist Christian cult and realized in his youth that he was gay. He attended Bob Jones University, which is a fundamentalist Christian college with a chilling history of abuse. While the...
Raising Yourself
Alice Cottonsox joins me to talk about recovering from childhood abuse, battling Agoraphobia, and facing online hate with humor. Alice is very open about her mental health struggles in her viral videos and she's helping many ...
Broken vs. Wounded
Do you think of yourself as "broken" because of your trauma? What about "wounded"? My sister Chie and I discuss how the language we use to talk about our trauma intersects with our healing. This episode is an invitation to …
Personal Update - Witches, Crows, Art, and Growth
I'm back! Welcome to Season 5! Today I'll be sharing some of what I got up to over my break, letting you know what's new in Season 5, and talking about what's alive for me in my personal healing journey …
Gratitude and Personal Updates
This is the last episode of Season 4! Today I'll be taking some time to thank everyone who made this season possible, updating you about how I'm doing, and what I'll be getting up to over break! New episodes will …
Letters for the Fire
Letters for the Fire is a listener participation project. Listeners were invited to write a letter to their rapist or abuser, and I promised to read them before burning them in a ritual. The goal is to create a community …
Did The Best I Could & Doing The Best I Can
Ruth is a survivor who has been facing her past and doing the work. She's a listener who is sharing some of her story and discussing some of the steps she's been taking in her life to heal. She's been …
Self-Care and Emotional Regulation
My sister Chie joins me to talk about our evolving understanding of self-care and emotional regulation. We are both survivors navigating life and CPTSD. I hope you'll join us for some laughter and real talk. Chie has a BA in...
The Recloseted Lesbian - Processing Trauma Through Art and Storytelli…
Obelis is a Lithuanian Fantasy and LGBTQ+ comic artist. Her work includes War & Tea, Meow Are You?, and The Recloseted Lesbian. Obelis tried to come out as a lesbian but was forced back into the closet by her ultra-religious,...
Claiming Freedom - Letting Go of Shame and Blame
Kalpashree Gupta joins me to share her journey in healing from childhood sexual abuse. We discuss letting go of shame and blame, what forgiveness means to her, breaking cycles of family trauma, and where she's found strength,...
Reclaiming Power - Talking Shit With P
Paula Mulamula is the host of the Mental Health podcast, Talk Shit With P where she focuses on real talk and breaking the stigma surrounding mental health issues. Today Paula is breaking her silence and sharing her story of s...
Healing After Family Abuse
Emi is a survivor of family sexual abuse; she was molested by a family member over a long period of time as a young kid. After spending over a decade hiding from her past she decided to try to heal …
Start By Believing
Hollis Brown's platform as Miss Wisconsin USA is focused on survivor advocacy, and she’s a part of End Violence Against Women International’s “Start By Believing” campaign. Today Hollis speaks about her assault in college, ho...
Purity Culture is Grooming - Part 1
Kaitlin Bellamy shares what it was like for her growing up in the Mormon Church and discusses the ways that purity culture contributed to the abuse she experienced in her marriage. Purity Culture grooms people to enable, acce...
Letters for the Fire
Earlier in Season 3 I invited listeners to participate in a project called Letters for the Fire. It was an invitation for communal catharsis and healing. I invited listeners to write a letter to their rapist or abuser, and I …
The Assault I Don't Discuss - A Personal Story
In this episode I share my experience of anal rape, discuss the dangerous myth that boys/men/AMAB people can't control themselves, discuss consent, and talk about some of the reasons why it was so difficult for me to identify...
Thriving After Sexual Abuse
Denise Bossarte is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and now she is helping others heal. Join us for a conversation about Denise's healing journey as well as her beautiful book, "Thriving After Sexual Abuse: Break Your Bo...
Deconstructing Religious Abuse
Anna grew up in a fundamentalist Christian family as part of the Quiverfull movement. She and her six siblings were not allowed to attend school and were very isolated from the outside world. Everything about her childhood wa...
Coercion Isn't Consent - A Personal Story
This is a personal and raw episode where I share the story of one of my assaults. Coercion isn't consent. Two Hundred "No's" and one "Yes" is still "No". If you have a similar story, you are not alone and …
Healing Affirmations ~ Season 2
Welcome to Season 2 ! In this episode I revisit the Healing Affirmations that started the podcast in Season 1 and I introduce some new ones. I'm so grateful for all of you! Support the show