Why Trying Harder Isn't Enough (And What Actually Works)

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Speaker 1: Life audio picture her for a second. I'll color Sarah, but honestly, she could be any of us. Maybe she is you. Sarah wakes up. In the first thing she does, before her feet even hit the floor, she reaches for her phone, and in the first ninety seconds of her day, before she's even had a sip of water, she's already absorbed six contradictory instructions about how she should take care of her body. One reel tells her that seed oils are slowly poisoning her and she needs to switch to tallow. The next tells her that that's fear mongering, nonsense, and as long as she hits her protein goals, she's fine. A third says protein chasing is a diet culture trap and she should just be doing gentle nutrition. A fourth says, intermittent fasting changed this woman's life, and we'll look at her. And then a fifth says, fasting is going to wreck your cortisol and it's going to give you cortisol face, and that's why she looks puffy. Six is a doctor, an actual doctor, we think, but wearing a white coat and everything, telling you that the doctor in yesterday's video was wrong. By the time Sarah stands up, she hasn't done anything yet. She hasn't eaten, she hasn't moved, she hasn't looked in the mirror. But she's already behind. She's already failing at a version of right that she didn't choose, and it keeps rewriting itself so that every day, no matter what she does, no matter who she follows, she's always falling short. Here's what I want to say to Sarah and any of you who feels her exhaustion in your bones today. You're not failing to get it right. There is no right to get not one that hundreds of people are actually agreeing on anyway, And no amount of trying harder is going to let you win a game with rules that change every time you open an app. Stick with me, friend, I think this one might set something down in you that you've been caring for a long time. I'm Heather Creak MOOREG. You're listening to the Compared Day podcast. I'm glad to here. Well, hey there, thanks for listening to the Compared To podcast today. This is like episode five hundred and thirty or something like that. I've been podcasting for seven years now, and if you're new to the show, welcome. I'm glad you're here. This is a space for anyone who's tired, and today I specifically want to talk to you if you are not just tired, but exhausted. And it's a certain kind of exhausted. It's the kind of exhausted that comes not just from one bad day, but from years of trying to be I don't know, let's call it the straight a student in a class where the professor keeps changing the syllabus every single morning. Because here's what I don't think it's said enough. It's not just that body image issues are hard. It's that we're being asked to build our sense of am I doing this right on a foundation that was never designed to hold still. Fitness influencers disagree with nutrition influencers who disagree with doctors, who disagree with other doctors, who disagree with what your grandmother told you, And honestly, sometimes what grandma told you holds up better than everything else. And somewhere in the middle of all of that noise is a woman like Sarah or maybe like you, who is genuinely, sincerely and exhaustedly trying. She's trying to eat right, she's trying to move right. She's trying not to think about her body too much. She's trying to think about her body in a biblical way. She's trying to serve Jesus. She's trying to love God. She's trying to take care of her family. She's trying to be good at work. She's trying to be a good daughter. She's trying to be a good wife. She's trying, she's trying. She's trying, trying so hard to get it all right that there's a limited availability of capacity left to just actually live yet alone enjoy life. So today we're gonna talk about why just trying harder to get it right was never a good solution. It was never gonna work. Like, honestly, it's not because you're not trying hard enough. It's because this idea of right, and I'm using that in quotation marks right was never a fixed target to hit in the first place, at least not according to culture. Let's go back to our friend Sarah for a minute, because I think her Tuesday is gonna sound may be painfully familiar to some of you. So by ten am, Sarah has already changed her mind about breakfast twice. She initially she meant to skip it because someone she saw on one of those reels said that sixteen eight fasting, So a sixteen hour fasting window eight hour eating window, of course, is the way to do it, and so she tried it, but then she started feeling shaky, and so she ate anyway, and now she feels guilty, and she's convinced that she's already blown it for the day. But somehow she makes it to lunch, probably thinking about food all morning, and she stands in front of the fridge for four full minutes, not because she doesn't know how to feed herself, but because she's trying to remember which foods are inflammatory and which oil is toxic, and how much protein she's already had, and whether or not it's okay to count protein grams when you're doing intrutive eating. And she's just trying to follow all the philosophies, and sometimes it feels like they want opposite things. By that afternoon, oh goodness, she's found herself scrolling again. She didn't even mean to, but she just had five spare minutes in line and starts scrolling, and what does she see? She sees a woman with a flat stomach explaining the one thing she stopped eating to fix her menopause belly. Sarah doesn't even fully trust this woman, but some tiny, small, tired part of her thinks, hmm, what if she's actually the one who got it right? What if she's showing me the way I'm the one who's been getting it wrong the whole time. I just need to stop eating that. And that's the trap right there. It's not that Sarah lacks conviction. It's that she's been handed hundreds of competing convictions, all delivered with complete confidence, all clipped for fifteen seconds, all landing in the part of her that already wonders if she's doing the right thing, or doing enough. She isn't undisciplined, She's just exhausted from trying to be disciplined toward a target that keeps moving. And here's the part that breaks my heart. A little. Sarah would probably just tell you she has a will power problem. She just can't stick to the program, that she needs to just pick a plan and be more determined to stick to it. But her actual problem isn't willpower. It's that she's been conscripted into an impossible, unwinnable competition, and nobody even told her the game was rigged. So let's talk about why just trying harder to get it right will never work, and we'll do that right after this quick break. Just trying harder is always going to fail for a couple reasons. Reason one, there's no it to get right. This is the piece that I think is buried under all the noise we talk about body image and food and finis like there's a hidden correct answer. I'd call it in my book. Compared to you, I call it a unicorn or it's lost treasure, and we are Indiana Jones trying to find you know, the the what does he try to find? The goblet? I think it's the chalice of Jesus. Right, It's like this, this treasure, this mystery, this unicorn, and we just haven't found it yet. And if we could just find the right thing, if like Sarah, we could just do all the research and finally land on the truth, will find this thing and it'll unlock everything for us, and suddenly we'll be able to eat right, and our body fat will just melt away and will be fit. Will be the best versions of ourselves. It will unlock a heaven on Earth unlike we've ever experienced. Right, It's like it's just hidden out there and my goal is to find it. But here's what ends up happening. You get open, follow ten different accounts on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, your choice of poison, and you'll get ten different truths, each one presented with the same amount of conviction, the same amount of certainty, like each of them will imply that anyone who disagrees with what they're suggesting is misinformed, or lying or just trying to sell you something, as if they're not trying to sell something, trying harder to get it right. Assumes that the right answer is out there, it's findable, it's stable, but it isn't not in this arena, which means the striving itself is like chasing a mirage. Okay, reason number two. The goalposts are being moved on purpose. Yes, there is an agenda behind this, Like I'm gonna be honest about this. A lot of this content isn't neutral information. It's marketing wearing a costume of concern. The algorithm rewards whatever you keep watching, and nothing keeps you watching like a little jolt of wait, am I doing that wrong? Influencers, even sincere ones, often build entire platforms on identifying a new problem you didn't know you had, because the solution is usually attached to something they're selling, a program or a supplement, And it's not conspiracy theory. That's just how it works, which means some of what feels like I'm just staying informed is actually just repeatedly opening yourself up to a fresh wave of manufactured inadequacy. You've got it wrong, You're not up to date, you haven't heard. That's so twenty twenty five. Now we do it this way right, Oh, it's so frustrating. Reason three, Trying harder just treats our heart issues like research problems. Here's the phrase I want you to remember from this whole episode. Remember this, Your body mistruggle is not really about your body. I don't know how many times I've said that, hundreds of times if you've listened to this podcast for a while, But it's one thing that's just really hard for most of us to believe. But underneath our I need to finally figure out the right way to eat is usually something more like I need to finally feel Okay, I need proof that I'm disciplined enough, or good enough, or in control enough, or worthy enough. Remember our friend Sarah, she's not actually looking for her correct macro split. She's looking for permission to stop feeling like a failure. And no influencer, no matter how confident, can actually give for that. Because that was never a nutrition problem. That's a heart problem. So if trying harder to find the right answer isn't the actual answer, what is well? I want to take you to a passage that changed how I think about this whole thing. In John chapter four, Jesus meets a woman at the well. She's alone at the well and the hottest part of the day, when nobody else would be there, because she's carrying shame she'd rather nobody see. She's been married five times, is currently living with a man who isn't her husband, and Jesus doesn't hand her a better relationship plan or a stricter set of rules so she can finally get it right. He goes straight to the root. He says, essentially, everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but the water I give will become a spring welling up to eternal life and she kept going back to the well, like she kept trying the next relationship, trying the next fix, trying the next thing to finally make her feel better, make her fe feel whole. And that's not just a story about marriage friends. I mean that's Sarah's story too, and probably yours and mine. We keep going back to the well, the next plan, the next fill in the blank, the next influencer, the next thing, the next piece of finally the real truth, and we keep being shocked that we're thirsty again by next Tuesday. There's a phrase in Colassions that I think nails exactly what's been happening to Sarah and to you and to me. Paul writes about rules and regulations don't handle, don't taste, don't touch, and he says something almost startling. He says, these rules have an appearance of wisdom, but they're of no value in checking the indulgence of the flesh. In other words, even a technically correct rule followed perfectly cannot touch the actual thing under the struggle. You can win every single rule you find online, every rule any influencers ever mentioned, and you can still be just as hungry, just as anxious, just as unsettled in your own skin. Rules are never the mechanism for heart change. They weren't built for that job. So here's the reframe I want to offer you. The goal was never to finally find the right thing that works for you. The goal is to stop asking any plan to be your will. So let's camp out just for a second here on one more piece of this, because I think it's what finally makes lasting change possible. Instead of just like theoretically nice, I think it's what Sarah needs most. Almost every voice competing for Sarah's attention and yours and mine is built on a hidden posture of earning. Get the right plan and you'll finally earn the body, the confidence, the permission to feel okay, and even our spiritual language around trying harder can quietly run on the same fuel. If I'm disciplined enough, informed enough, obedient enough, I'll finally feel like I'm enough. And that's not really all that different from chasing the fitness and food trends. It's just chasing it with a Bible verse taped on top. But listen to what Jesus actually says in Matthew chapter eleven. It reads, come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, And I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Listen to that again, slowly. My yoke is easy, my burden is light. I will give you rest. I want you to pick share yourself. Sitting on the couch scrolling, Jesus isn't saying try harder, sort through more reels? Can you get through more content? Like, stay online longer so you can see more reels, and then you'll finally find the right answer, and then you can earn rest because you'll have it figured out. You'll find like the magic key that unlocks all the happiness, and then you can ah exhale. Now what is he saying? He's saying, Colm, and I will give you rest first, before she's found the right plan, before Sarah's sordid facts from marketing, before she's fixed anything at all. Rest isn't the reward of getting it right. Rest is the starting place the whole thing is supposed to grow out of. And this flips the order that most of us live by, we think, once I finally figure out the right way to eat and the right way to exercise for my body and for my seasonal life, and the right way to manage my day and manage my schedule and manage my family, like, once I can just be consistent and get all these things right, then I'll see the results I want. And once I see the results I want, then I'll be able to rest. I'll be able to stop striving. I'll be able to feel like I'm enough. Then I'll be able to go to Jesus and say, Okay, I'm good. Now, what do you have for me? Friend? That's not how it works. Jesus offers us the rest first. The rest is a gift, not something we earn. The rest isn't a prize for winning an impossible information war. The rest is the starting line, not the finish line. He Bread chapter four says that there remains a Sabbath rest for God's people because whoever enters God's rest also rests from their own work. The way God rested from his word. Work isn't only about religious effort. It's about every form of self salvation, every version of If I can just figure out this well, enough. If I can just do this right, then I'll finally be okay. But Hebrews says, stop laboring for what's already been finished and just rest in it instead. Paul, writing to Galatians, asks something almost ridiculous. He says, are you so foolish? Having begun by the spirit? Are you now being perfected in the flesh? Did you actually think you could finish by your own research, by your own effort? What only grace ever started? At Sarah's trap and that's my trap. In one sentence, she began, we all begin in a place of being loved by grace, and then what happens? We quietly switched the engine to self effort, as if right information could finish what only Christ began. Oh, thanks for your grace, Lord. Okay, now click, I'm going to try harder and get it all right, and I can do it. Thanks No, So what does this mean for you and your body and your body image? Practically, it means that the goal isn't to finally win the algorithm and find the influencer who's right and finally earn a body you can feel good about. It means resting in the truth that you're already fully known, fully loved, fully accepted in Christ. Not because you've found the correct plan and are doing it all right, but because of what Christ has already accomplished. And from that rested, secure place, that's where you make decisions. That's where you can make decisions about food and movement and how to care for your body. And you can stop trying to win an impossible contest and start being simple in this respect. You can ask God to help you, ask him to lead you. And God, you, friend, he created your body. Do you think he doesn't know how it works? Do you think he's unsure about whether or not you should eat more protein or less protein? Friend, Like, we have AI now, and it's amazing in so many ways, but we have something even better than AI. Friend, you can go to the God of the universe, who created you in everything around you, and say, lead me, Lord, show me how can I steward this body? Well? Show me what to do, and in seeking him, you can truly care for your body in a healthy and RESTful way, instead of seeing your body as a project that you're just desperately trying to fix. So you can finally feel okay and you're taking everyone's advice and you're just feeling confused and overwhelmed. Man Jesus invites us into something else, which is rest. Tewod Corinthians three says it beautifully, we with unveiled faces beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into his likeness. Notice the verb not we are researching ourselves into transformation. Isn't that what a lot of us do all day long? No, we are being transformed. It's something that happens to you as you behold him, not something you're scrolling your way toward. Producing. That's rest fueled change, not fear fueled striving. And it's the only kind of change that actually lasts. Okay, so let's make this really practical, because I never want to just give you a nice idea for you to think about. What actually inspire change is when we can take the next step and do something, not just think about something. Okay, So thing one I think first you have to name the noise for what it is. Next time you are scrolling and you feel that familiar jolt of I'm doing this wrong? Should I be doing this? Oh? Is this actually right? And what I was thinking was right is wrong? I was just pause and ask yourself, is this actually new, trust worthy information or is this just another real Is this just another voice competing for my attention and honestly kind of trying to make me feel behind or like I'm doing something wrong. You're allowed to let ask that question before you decide to let that information in. You can be discerning. Not every influencer is created equally. Okay, second, pick a few trusted voices and let that be enough. Friend, if you are spending I'm going to say more than ten minutes a day scrolling reels from random people that the algorithm has served to you, You're not doing yourself any favors. You're just making everything more difficult and confusing. Instead, what I would do is pick just a few trusted voices and let that be enough. The whole internet doesn't have to consult you on what to eat for lunch. Find maybe a doctor you actually trust or a dietitian. I can name a few wisdom from people maybe you know in real life. Now there's a crazy idea, and give yourself permission to just stop there. Like, not knowing what everyone says about everything is not a loss, that's a gain. Closing the tab is not laziness, it's wisdom. And Third, replace the I'm gonna try harder prayer with a truer one instead of praying, God, help me finally figure out the right way to do this. Try this, God, I've been asking the right answer to give me the peace that only you can give. Will you be my peace instead? Will you be my leader, my influencer, my guide. God? Will you show me what is true? Show me what is best for me and this body you created for me. Redirect where you're actually looking for rescue. You're not looking for rescue from finding the right reel. You're looking for rescue from the real God. Fourth, build actual. I'm gonna call it scaffolding, not just resolve. Okay, So, like you said, you can listen to this and be like, ok hey, yes, I'm determined, I'm going to do better. And what are you doing? Just trying harder again? Friend, don't try harder to do what I'm telling you to do. To not try harder? Do that makes sense? Friend, You need to take some action here. You need some people in your life. If you don't have people in your life who can support you around these issues, then I invite you join us on the next forty day journey. It's not because I'm trying to sell you something, man, I'm offering it so cheap. It's fifty nine dollars, it's ten bucks a week. Like you can't find counseling or coaching that cheap anywhere. But we do that because we want to give you community that can be your scaffolding for these issues, where you can go someplace and find a little grounding. You can have honest conversations with real women who are struggling in the same way you are. Real women who maybe feel a little odd or upset or frustrated because they couldn't do it on their own, because we all just want to do it on their own, but have decided humbly to come to community and admit they need some help and friend That's when the change happens. That's how change was designed to happen in community. You're not struggling because you need more information. You're struggling because you're trying to sort a heart level ache with research, problems, tools, and what you need are people to tell you the truth. People to speak God's truth into your life, into these issues, into your struggles. People who can address these issues at a heart level, not a try harder. Here's what you need to do level and fifth practice starting from rest instead of striving, and before your next meal, before your next scroll, before your next attempt to this week, I'm gonna finally get it right. I'm gonna get myself together. It's September now, I'm gonna get all the things in order. I just I want to just pause. I want to stop. If I deal with me right now, just take a nice big inhale and exhale, inhale, exhale. Maybe do that one more time inhale, exhale. I think one third time will help you really calm down inhale, exhale. Oh man, we all need to just tell our bodies they're safe and calm them down, and then pray this prayer. I already have your rest, Lord. I'm not doing this to earn my worth. I already have it in you. And then make your choice. You can make a practical, ordinary choice. Any single choice is not life our death. You can take the same action perhaps you were gonna take before, but take it from a completely different posture, from a posture of I'm enough because I'm enough through what Christ did, I'm okay. Because of Jesus, I'm safe and I can do this from a place of rest, because getting this right or wrong does not determine my acceptance. So let's go back to our friend Sarah one more time. Her turning point wasn't finding that one content creator who finally had the right answers. It was one ordinary evening with her phone in hand, about to open that app one more time to see what new rules she could add to her life. But instead she just sat there and she asked herself this question, what am I actually looking for right now? And the honest answer was she wanted someone, anyone to tell her she was already okay without having to earn it first. She still open the app that night. If you're wondering, this isn't a story about instant willpower, Remember we said willpower not effective. But she said that was the first time in years that she'd ask the real question instead of chasing one more piece of advice. And asking that question over and over over the course of months is what actually started to change something. Not overnight, not perfectly, but for real. Our coaches were able to help Sarah get through all the noise, examine the actions she always takes and get to the heart of the issue, and that's what we'd love to do for you too. The best way to get started is with our forty day Journey. It starts September fourteenth, and this is just really your chance to start looking at the heart is use beneath the whole of the issues you've perhaps been trying to solve with information, tips and advice from the Internet front, let's cut through all that noise and get real. I Oh, by the way, in case you're worried, Sarah's name has been changed, we do protect the privacy of all of our clients. So hey, friend, as we close today, I just want you to hear this. You're not behind, You're not missing something. More information is not going to solve anything in the long run. If you're looking for these other wells to satisfy, it just never works. So turn to the only one who does and approach even your body change goals. It's not bad to have body change goals, but approach them from a place of rest, from a place of enoughness, from a place of peace, from a place of security, and tune out all of those clamoring, competing voices that are just keeping you striving and chasing and confused. This episode landed for you, man, I'd love to hear about it. Drop me a note, Heather at compared to you, Dot me and tell me what you thought of it. I would also just be honored if you'd consider leaving a review of the show. Those reviews are what help other people find the show, and I can see my data and I know I've got thousands and thousands of you listening and not that many reviews. So if you would just take a moment and leave a review, that would bless us so much. Also consider sharing it with a friend who you know is also exhausted and trying to keep up with one hundred contradictory voices as well. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for someone else is just give them permission to close the app until next time. From You're not a project to be perfected. You're a person who's deeply already loved more than you can now. I hope you'll stop comparing and start living. Oh bye bye