May 19, 2026
Forgiving Clothes? The Gospel of Good Bodies and Combatting Body Shame by Exposing a Misuse of Religious Language
Why do we want our clothes to be forgiving? In this thought-provoking episode, Heather Creekmore unpacks the deeper meaning behind the fashion world’s favorite words—like "forgiving" and "flattering"—and explores why so many of us feel pressure to make our bodies fit a narrow standard. Do our clothes really have the power to absolve us, or is there something bigger at play?
Join Heather Creekmore as she examines the surprising links between fashion lingo, theology, and our sense of self-worth. How does the language we use about our bodies sneak shame and judgment into our closets? What does it mean to break free from the idea of having "problem areas," and where can we look for true acceptance?
Whether you struggle with body image or have ever hesitated in the dressing room mirror, this episode will challenge what you believe about your body, your clothes, and what it truly means to be "good enough."
Tune in for powerful questions, real-life stories, and a fresh perspective that might change the way you get dressed tomorrow. Don’t miss it!
Ready to transform the way you think about food and your body? Join us for the next 40-Day Journey starting June 3rd. Learn more here.
Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
00:00:02
Speaker 1: Life Audio. Hey there head their creek war here. Thanks for listening to the Comparati podcast. Let's talk about the word forgiving, the word we use constantly around our clothes, isn't it We want a forgiving waistband, forgiving silhouettes, forgiving fabrics. But forgiveness is a theological word, isn't it. It presupposes an offense, that there's a judge and then there's an act of mercy. So what exactly have our bodies done wrong? And why do they need a certain kind of pants to find forgiveness? That's where we're going today. I'm glad to hear for it.
00:00:45
Speaker 2: We are in a series.
00:00:47
Speaker 1: On essentially religious language that we use without even thinking about it in regards to our bodies and food. And we looked at diet plans and how they kind of mimics salvation stories and even you know, what the church is supposed to do. We looked at what the Bible really says about food versus the words we use around food, like I'm guilty for eating that, and don't tempt me to eat that, those sorts of things. But today we're gonna look at clothes. I mean, if you're anything like me.
00:01:22
Speaker 2: You've got a closet full of clothes.
00:01:24
Speaker 1: And some of them fetch you, and some of them don't, and it's kind of hard to think about getting rid of the ones that don't. And we do some funny things in our heads regarding clothing size and keeping clothes as kind of a maybe someday I'll be worthy of that again sort of mind game. But today we're gonna talk about that for goodness aspect.
00:01:49
Speaker 2: I'm glad you're here for it. Let's go.
00:01:58
Speaker 1: Forgiveness. We all need for given us, right, But here's some examples from fashion writing. Okay, this is a forgiving a line skirt, or this fabric is incredibly forgiving, which I'm guessing means it's like thick, so like rolls and lumps and stuff don't show through. I don't know, That's all.
00:02:19
Speaker 2: I can figure out.
00:02:20
Speaker 1: Or how about this said, the rap dress is universally flattering and endlessly forgiving. Wow, what a sweet dress to have you just endlessly forgive you for all your flaws and your sins. Okay, when did we start needing our clothes to forgive us? And what's the transgression? What's the offense? Note that the word is used without irony in virtually all fashion contexts. It has become so natural, like no one pauses over that word. But that's exactly what makes it worth pausing about. You see, the language of forgiving clothes is the endpoint of a long theological journey, and it reveals that we have come to experience our bodies as inherently offensive, requiring management, concealing, and ultimately forgiveness. And when human bodies require forgiveness, something has gone wrong with our anthropology. Have we forgotten that God called our bodies good and that we're made in His image? That's where we're going today. Let's start with this question, what's a body supposed to be?
00:03:45
Speaker 2: Right?
00:03:45
Speaker 1: Because implicit in the language of fashion is you need forgiveness, So there's something wrong right. Forgiving implies that there's a standard from what you have deviated. So the first question is what is the standard body that clothing is designed for and why does deviation from it require forgiveness rather than just say, different clothes. The fashion industry's standard body is what you know. It's narrow, historically, very specific. It's achieved by a very small percentage of the population, some say less than one person, and yet it functions as the norm. The very thin heroin chic from the nineties back to ozembic chik from the twenty twenty six is the template from which all other bodies are variations. Is shown in front of us everywhere. But this is a theological move. It's the ideal has become the real, and the actual has become the fallen. Flattering is the companion word to forgiving, right, like it's flattering on you. But think about that word too, it's kind of equally strange. To flatter something is to make it appear better than it is. Right, So if someone's flattering you, you know they're kind of schmoosing you. They're saying nice things, maybe too nice, Like if you ever watch to Leave It to Beaver back in the day, it's Eddie Haskell, like what a lovely dress you have on, missus Cleaver, Like it's going above and beyond to say things about you that aren't they're a little overstated. So when we say a dresses flattering, we mean that maybe it makes the body appear closer to that standard from which we're all afraid will deviate. But again, flattering implies that the actual body without the disguise of the flattering dress is insufficient. I quoted Robert Capone, an episcopal priest who wrote a book back in the nineties called Health, Money, and Love and Why we Don't Enjoy Them. I quoted him a lot in our first episode in the series. But he pushes back against any anthropology that treats the body as a problem, and I think his points are good. I mean, his theology is incarnational. The body is the sight of meaning. It's not an obstacle to meaning. And he talks about how food and pleasure that we're supposed to get from food weight, these are not enemies to be managed, but these are gifts to be received. The forgiving clothes frame is kind of anti incarnational, right, it says to thing different. It treats the actual body as an embarrassment that grace in the form of maybe elastic or when draping must cover. And then we gotta draw a line to shame. Oh body shame. I write about this in my forty day Body Image workbook Goodness. I mean, most of us rarely stop and think about the shame we feel around our bodies. Like we know we feel it, we know we have those constant voices in our heads telling us we should look better, do better. You know, we feel the pressure of the shame, We feel the embarrassment of the shame, but we don't often stop and say, oh wait, this is shame. We forget. You know. Romans A one that there's no condemnation for those who love Christ Jesus, right, we listen to the condemnation. We accept the shame and think about it like this. I mean, a body that requires constant forgiveness is a body that we're experiencing as shameful. And shame theologically is that experience of ourselves is unacceptable to the gaze of another. What gaze are we imagining when we dress ourselves? Who do we think is watching? Who do we believe is judging the way our bodies look? Now? Note in Genesis right, the consequences of the fall. In Genesis three, writers Adam and Eve notice that they are naked and they cover themselves, right, and so the experience of the body as exposed and insufficient requiring covering is the oldest shame story, right, So forgiving clothes are in this reading a thoroughly post fall kind of garments. If naked means shamed, then we must cover our naked with things that will make us feel less shameful. But while we know scripture from scripture that Jesus's death and resurrection on the cross covers all of our shame, like, we are not trying to do that through clothes anymore. Like the work has been done, the fashion industry hasn't let it go, And there's a large theology and grammar of body shame all through fashion. And we'll explore that more right after this quick break, So I'll never forget. I was, like, I don't know, twenty six, twenty seven years old, single and it was about to be my friend's wedding, and so I'm with her at the bridle shop. I'm trying on bridesmaids dresses. I think I was the only local ones. So I had the pleasure of trying on the bridesmaids dresses and being sized up as to whether or not those dresses would look good on the other bridesmaids as well. And I'll never forget the bride looking at me and saying, oh, I like that one.
00:09:49
Speaker 2: It covers your problem areas well.
00:09:55
Speaker 1: I wanted to run screaming out of that dressing room problem areas.
00:10:02
Speaker 2: The body has areas that are.
00:10:04
Speaker 1: Problems, and problems requires solutions, and fashion provide solutions. And there is a therapeutic model with a religious structure. You have a diagnosis problem area, it was my thighs. You have a prescription that dress which I think had a wide skirt, and then management just continue to dress in such a way that your problem areas are hidden, and then you will be free from shame and I don't know, maybe guilt too. We also use words like hiding and minimizing, right, I think I bought a stomach minimizing swimsuit last summer.
00:10:40
Speaker 2: We speak of clothes that will.
00:10:42
Speaker 1: Hide body parts, minimize body parts, camouflage body parts. The body is something to be hidden, minimized, made less present unless it matches a certain standard, of course, but contrast this with showing off, which is reserved only for the parts of the body that conform to that standard. The ideal body is to be displayed, while the deviant body is to be hidden. Then there's this whole language around work with your body versus work against your body. And this phrase is interesting because it implies that the body is an adversary. Your body is the enemy, and you must negotiate with it, and fashion rules will tell you how to achieve a truce with your own flesh, work with your body to have lines that elongate and make you look how more like that standard. And then there's this concept of being universally flattering. Examine the logic here. A rap dress is universally flattering because its design makes anybody look more like that standard. The standard is still the standard. The dress is just more effective at creating an illusion. This isn't about body acceptance. It's just sophisticated body management. So remember I quoted David Zahl in our first episode in the series. He wrote several great books. One of them is called Seculosity. But Zaul writes about the way performance anxiety migrates into appearance. When we can't achieve righteousness through behavior, we try to achieve it through the way we present ourselves. We try to look the part friend. This is us managing our image, Zaul says. The fitting room becomes the confessional, the mirror becomes the judging gaze. The ideal outfit promises that today you will pass, you will be acceptable, and it's a promise of fashion, just like all law based systems. Can't ultimately keep because there's always another season, there's always another standard, there's always another body part to address or fix or to make conform to the standard. And friend, I mean, let me just confess to you, like I struggle here too. I had to be up on stage with my husband last Sunday at church and I had a really difficult time deciding what to wear. And I knew the right things to say to myself. I knew ultimately it was my words that were going to matter more than what I look like would matter. But man, the judgment in our heads comes and the lies come. They will listen to you unless you look a certain way. You know, they're going to judge you for the way you look. They're not going to like you. They're not going to accept you. I mean even the cruel thoughts, like women are going to think that you're not good enough for your husband and they're gonna try to cut in. I mean, the spirals can't go anywhere and everywhere. Friend. But ultimately, the underlying presupposition that I was accepting as I have my little stress out over what I was gonna wear, is that my body is not a representation of me or good enough for me or good enough period because it doesn't match the very narrow standard set by one percent of women that the fashion industry follows. And I just kind of bought right into that, like I'm not good enough. I should not be anywhere close to his stage unless or until I am good enough, right, And I don't know, you've probably had those thoughts too, But I want us to notice here that looking the part isn't God's standard. That's the world's standard, or that's our own standard, right, But that's not something He's a of us. And is this language that we're using around our clothing keeping us stuck believing the lie that our bodies really aren't good enough? Our bodies really weren't made in the image of God, our bodies really weren't called good by God. Our bodies really weren't given to us intentionally by God. Or maybe I really messed up my body because I did this thing with food or I did that thing with food, or I did this thing with exercise, or I have never exercised. And I was supposed to look a certain way and be a certain way, and I let perimenopause get me, or I let pregnancy get me and I've failed with my body and I'm not doing well enough, and I should be.
00:15:41
Speaker 2: I should be. I should be. I should be. I should be, I should be, I should be.
00:15:45
Speaker 1: Like, friend, I've felt it too, But I hope what you'll take from today is that ninety nine percent of us have bought in and are trying to make not just standard that only applies to one percent. Okay, Now we're in a zobic world right now, so maybe there's more than one percent that are getting it done. And we'll see what happens with that, right I mean, it's yet to be proven whether or not they will stay that size or whether their bodies will rebel and ultimately want to be a bigger size again. We'll see, we'll see. But friend, we don't have to live under that shame and condemnation anymore. We can do what God asks us to do in terms of making why decisions reasonably, stewarding our body reasonably without the obsession that would be required to meet culture standard. So let's go back to this concept of forgiving, and the question is who is doing the forgiving. There's an invisible judge here, and there's also a promise of acceptance in Chianity. Right forgiveness is very personal right. It comes from God right, and it requires a subject right, someone who is forgiving us. It is God forgiving us of the many ways that we have sinned against him.
00:17:18
Speaker 2: But who forgives you?
00:17:21
Speaker 1: When you wear a waistepand that's so tight it leaves a mark around stomach and the answer is unstated, but it's implied. Right. Who forgives me is other people's eyes, like it's the social gaze, it's the judgment of others that I am free from and forgiven from. Or it's the internalized version of the judgment of myself. I am forgiven by me. Forgiving clothes make us acceptable to that gaze. They allow us to pass without penalty. But friend, in this there's a profound loneliness. H We don't need forgiveness from a gaze that is never actually looking at us that closely, for an offense that we didn't actually commit through a mechanism clothing that can never actually forgive us of anything at all. Back to Robert Capone, he talks about the idea of grace and unconditional reception. You are received just as you are, not as you manage to appear right. We know from Samuel God looks at the heart, not of the outside. The forgiving, closed framework inverts this completely. You must manage your appearance to be accepted. And that acceptance, oh man, it's going to keep us so insecure because that acceptance is always conditional, it's always provisional, it's all always depends on wearing the right thing. That's a lot of pressure when you go in and out of the house. Right am I going to be wearing something that is going to allow me to be accepted? Or am I going to wear something that risks rejection? And there's a psychological cost to this. The research on appearance based self evaluation shows that people who heavily base their self worth on their appearance have higher rates of depression, anxiety, and disordered eating. This is the fruit of a law based anthropology. It produces guilt and never righteousness. And then there's the absurdity, which we've mentioned a couple times. But fabric can't actually forgive you an elastic waste band is not making a moral judgment and then withdrawing from it. The entire framework is a category error. I've attributed to cloth. The function of grace and in doing so, we have revealed perhaps how desperately hungry we are for real grace. I wrote a book called The Comparison Free Life, was originally titled The Burden of Better, but it's really a book about grace because I thought I knew what grace was like. You know, I'd sang amazing grace, and you know, I knew I could define it for you, but I hadn't really experienced it. And I think my image issues and managing my body and managing my appearance and focusing on those things were outward examples of how much I struggled with grace. I did not deserve grace until I got my food and my body just right. And that is actually just antithetical to everything that grace is because grace is undeserved and it's not based on me and what I do. It's based only on Jesus and what he did. I respond and obedience to him because He's offered that grace, but I'm not earning it myself. So if you've struggled with grace too, and really feeling God's grace as it applies to the way you look and your body and the story of your body, everything your body's been through. Like, go grab my book The Comparison Free Life, and it may encourage you as well. Okay, as we close here, what does it look like to have a different vocabulary? What would non religious fashion language actually sound like? I think it would be free of shame? Right. We would be able to prioritize how our clothes feel, rather than uber focusing on how they appear to others. We would be able to put on a pair of genes that fit us and think, yay, I'm so glad they fit. I think they'll be comfortable, they're not cutting off my circulation. And we would be free from worrying about what the number is inside that size tag, and we would be out of our heads obsessing over I can't believe it's that number. I can't believe it's that number. I mean, frience, You know that there's no universal sizing. What's a size ten at one store, is a size two in one store, and it's probably a size twenty two on Amazon. You've been there, you know what I'm talking about. Right, there's no universal sizing, and yet, and yet the shame and condemnation around our clothes, around fabric that can't forgive us it's real. What would it look like to just think about clothes as a utility to serve our body, versus thinking about how to change our body to serve clothes and maybe be even ultimately to serve a fashion industry with a super narrow standard. Right. I think that's where we've gotten it confused. Back to David Zol, his book Seculosity ends with this concept of one way love, and that takes us right back to grace. It's grace that comes toward you without conditions. And the question for fashion and body image is where does that kind of grace, that kind of warm welcome, that kind of reception, Where does it come from? Friend, You're not gonna get that from your mirror, even if you look dang good in it. Your mirror is not going to reply, oh, I love you so much more, thank you, thank you for doing that, thank you for looking so good. You are my favorite. I love you. Your mirror is not going to say that. In fact, I would suggest the longer you stare in your mirror, the more your mirror is going to find something to pour. It could be like, yeah, you look pretty good except for that spot on your face, or except for the way your arms look in that, I mean, the mirror will find something wrong if you look in it long enough, And the same with the case of others. Right, You're never gonna find the warmth, the grace that one way love from having others look at you and approve. It's not gonna be enough, and they're fickle. They might approve one day and disapprove the next day, even if you're wearing something even better. It's so unstable and uncertain, and it makes us so insecure. We cannot look to others for approval and still be serving Jesus. Right. Scripture tells us that explicitly Galatians one ten, for am I now seeking the approval of Man or of God? Or am I trying to please Man? If I were still trying to please Man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Yikes, friend, so hear me. This doesn't mean fashion is bad. Wanting to look nice is a pathological problem or a sin problem. That's something I'm saying. But what I mean is that the words we use, the grammar we use, is affecting us more than we know. And so what would it look like to swap where it's like forgiving for words like comfortable or roomy or you know what, this feels good and fits well on my body without all the shameful language, And then what would it look like to accept God's grace and actually believe that God's opinion of me matters the most, Actually believe that God is looking at my heart and not my gene size, Actually believe that I am not standing in front of God every day waiting for him to tell me whether or not I look good enough or look acceptable, That that's not how he's looking at me, that's not how he's judging me. I am free to live for him and not to try to get everyone else's approval of my outfit of the day. And that's a hard, hard thing to consider, but there's so much freedom there. So we spent the last three episodes talking about the ways our language reveals that there's deeper things going on when it comes to our food and our bodies and the way we eat and the plans we follow. And we started by talking about words like guilty, pleasure, and being bad in the first episode, and then we moved to talking about like the institutions and how they structure salvation for us, like Optavio or Gwen Shamblin's Way Down. And then today we talked about really the most intimate, perhaps of the way we think and speak about ourselves, like what happens with the mirror in the fitting room and what are we actually believing about our bodies? And here's the through line. We have an inherent need for righteousness. We need to be right, acceptable, good enough. But in our secular age we relocated those needs into getting food right, or getting the right size, acceptable body, or getting an appearance that's good enough. They all promise the same thing, and they all fail to deliver. But what we all really long for, and I think why we all try to get it right as we long for rest, We really don't want to worry about our food, or our bodies, or appearance or clothes anymore. Right, We just want to get to that place where we don't have to think about it anymore. And most of us have believed the biggest live of die culture is that once you do get to that thin point, then you're free. Then you don't have to think about it anymore. You've arrived. That's heaven, because you've earned your rest. Oh, friend, I've said, there's one hundred times on the show. Anyone who has a before and after picture knows that you don't actually achieve rest. Then. In fact, the studies show that most women who lose a significant amount of weight actually become more obsessed with body image. They have a bigger problem around body image after the weight loss. That's one of the big concerns around the GLP one's ozembic craze right now is that there's higher rates of suicide associated and whether or not it's actually something the GLP one is doing to your system, I'm not sure, but a interesting.
00:28:51
Speaker 2: Theory is that you've waited your whole life.
00:28:55
Speaker 1: To have a smaller body and believe that having a smaller body will give you that rest, that freedom to just not think about your body and food and clothes anymore. And you think you've arrived, and you haven't. And for some, especially those without the hope of Jesus, it's so discouraging, it's such a letdown. It's such a tragic revelation when you find that everything you hoped and dreamed it would be was not connected to having a thinner body. You actually have thoughts of ending at all because you don't have any hope anymore. That's what your hope was in And friend, that's why I just don't want us to lose sight of what our true hope is, where our real salvation is. It's not in optovia working. It's not in clean eating making us pure. It's not in finding the right outfits who were acceptable for everyone else's gaze. Friend, A real hope is in Christ alone, period end of sentence. Through his grace, we can wrestle through these issues we have with our bodies, these issues we have with food, these issues we have with clothing. We can wrestle through them without shame and condemnation, without fear of not being accepted or loved, because we know we are already accepted and loved in Him. And what other people think, it really doesn't have to matter that much, Oh friend, There's so much hope, But it's in the Cross of Jesus Christ and real forgiveness, real sanctification, real reconciliation, real restoration from our sinful fallen state. Don't be confused. Hey, thanks for listening today. I hope you've enjoyed the series. If you have, drop us a review on where we get your podcast. Really, those reviews help other people find the show. The amount of reviews I have is really crazy small compared to how many listeners there are, And so maybe if you're one of those people who hasn't left a review yet, would you just consider doing that? Greatly appreciate your consideration there. Coming up next time with an interesting episode on how the Aura Ring versus the Apple Watch gives us a picture of how God treats us around food and body versus how we treat ourselves. I hope you'll tune in for that one. And if this series has been of interest to you, maybe it'd be interest of interest to a friend, so consider sharing it. Hey, thanks for listening. I hope something Todays helps you stop comparing and start living.
00:31:38
Speaker 2: Boy, Bye bye
Speaker 1: Life Audio. Hey there head their creek war here. Thanks for listening to the Comparati podcast. Let's talk about the word forgiving, the word we use constantly around our clothes, isn't it We want a forgiving waistband, forgiving silhouettes, forgiving fabrics. But forgiveness is a theological word, isn't it. It presupposes an offense, that there's a judge and then there's an act of mercy. So what exactly have our bodies done wrong? And why do they need a certain kind of pants to find forgiveness? That's where we're going today. I'm glad to hear for it.
00:00:45
Speaker 2: We are in a series.
00:00:47
Speaker 1: On essentially religious language that we use without even thinking about it in regards to our bodies and food. And we looked at diet plans and how they kind of mimics salvation stories and even you know, what the church is supposed to do. We looked at what the Bible really says about food versus the words we use around food, like I'm guilty for eating that, and don't tempt me to eat that, those sorts of things. But today we're gonna look at clothes. I mean, if you're anything like me.
00:01:22
Speaker 2: You've got a closet full of clothes.
00:01:24
Speaker 1: And some of them fetch you, and some of them don't, and it's kind of hard to think about getting rid of the ones that don't. And we do some funny things in our heads regarding clothing size and keeping clothes as kind of a maybe someday I'll be worthy of that again sort of mind game. But today we're gonna talk about that for goodness aspect.
00:01:49
Speaker 2: I'm glad you're here for it. Let's go.
00:01:58
Speaker 1: Forgiveness. We all need for given us, right, But here's some examples from fashion writing. Okay, this is a forgiving a line skirt, or this fabric is incredibly forgiving, which I'm guessing means it's like thick, so like rolls and lumps and stuff don't show through. I don't know, That's all.
00:02:19
Speaker 2: I can figure out.
00:02:20
Speaker 1: Or how about this said, the rap dress is universally flattering and endlessly forgiving. Wow, what a sweet dress to have you just endlessly forgive you for all your flaws and your sins. Okay, when did we start needing our clothes to forgive us? And what's the transgression? What's the offense? Note that the word is used without irony in virtually all fashion contexts. It has become so natural, like no one pauses over that word. But that's exactly what makes it worth pausing about. You see, the language of forgiving clothes is the endpoint of a long theological journey, and it reveals that we have come to experience our bodies as inherently offensive, requiring management, concealing, and ultimately forgiveness. And when human bodies require forgiveness, something has gone wrong with our anthropology. Have we forgotten that God called our bodies good and that we're made in His image? That's where we're going today. Let's start with this question, what's a body supposed to be?
00:03:45
Speaker 2: Right?
00:03:45
Speaker 1: Because implicit in the language of fashion is you need forgiveness, So there's something wrong right. Forgiving implies that there's a standard from what you have deviated. So the first question is what is the standard body that clothing is designed for and why does deviation from it require forgiveness rather than just say, different clothes. The fashion industry's standard body is what you know. It's narrow, historically, very specific. It's achieved by a very small percentage of the population, some say less than one person, and yet it functions as the norm. The very thin heroin chic from the nineties back to ozembic chik from the twenty twenty six is the template from which all other bodies are variations. Is shown in front of us everywhere. But this is a theological move. It's the ideal has become the real, and the actual has become the fallen. Flattering is the companion word to forgiving, right, like it's flattering on you. But think about that word too, it's kind of equally strange. To flatter something is to make it appear better than it is. Right, So if someone's flattering you, you know they're kind of schmoosing you. They're saying nice things, maybe too nice, Like if you ever watch to Leave It to Beaver back in the day, it's Eddie Haskell, like what a lovely dress you have on, missus Cleaver, Like it's going above and beyond to say things about you that aren't they're a little overstated. So when we say a dresses flattering, we mean that maybe it makes the body appear closer to that standard from which we're all afraid will deviate. But again, flattering implies that the actual body without the disguise of the flattering dress is insufficient. I quoted Robert Capone, an episcopal priest who wrote a book back in the nineties called Health, Money, and Love and Why we Don't Enjoy Them. I quoted him a lot in our first episode in the series. But he pushes back against any anthropology that treats the body as a problem, and I think his points are good. I mean, his theology is incarnational. The body is the sight of meaning. It's not an obstacle to meaning. And he talks about how food and pleasure that we're supposed to get from food weight, these are not enemies to be managed, but these are gifts to be received. The forgiving clothes frame is kind of anti incarnational, right, it says to thing different. It treats the actual body as an embarrassment that grace in the form of maybe elastic or when draping must cover. And then we gotta draw a line to shame. Oh body shame. I write about this in my forty day Body Image workbook Goodness. I mean, most of us rarely stop and think about the shame we feel around our bodies. Like we know we feel it, we know we have those constant voices in our heads telling us we should look better, do better. You know, we feel the pressure of the shame, We feel the embarrassment of the shame, but we don't often stop and say, oh wait, this is shame. We forget. You know. Romans A one that there's no condemnation for those who love Christ Jesus, right, we listen to the condemnation. We accept the shame and think about it like this. I mean, a body that requires constant forgiveness is a body that we're experiencing as shameful. And shame theologically is that experience of ourselves is unacceptable to the gaze of another. What gaze are we imagining when we dress ourselves? Who do we think is watching? Who do we believe is judging the way our bodies look? Now? Note in Genesis right, the consequences of the fall. In Genesis three, writers Adam and Eve notice that they are naked and they cover themselves, right, and so the experience of the body as exposed and insufficient requiring covering is the oldest shame story, right, So forgiving clothes are in this reading a thoroughly post fall kind of garments. If naked means shamed, then we must cover our naked with things that will make us feel less shameful. But while we know scripture from scripture that Jesus's death and resurrection on the cross covers all of our shame, like, we are not trying to do that through clothes anymore. Like the work has been done, the fashion industry hasn't let it go, And there's a large theology and grammar of body shame all through fashion. And we'll explore that more right after this quick break, So I'll never forget. I was, like, I don't know, twenty six, twenty seven years old, single and it was about to be my friend's wedding, and so I'm with her at the bridle shop. I'm trying on bridesmaids dresses. I think I was the only local ones. So I had the pleasure of trying on the bridesmaids dresses and being sized up as to whether or not those dresses would look good on the other bridesmaids as well. And I'll never forget the bride looking at me and saying, oh, I like that one.
00:09:49
Speaker 2: It covers your problem areas well.
00:09:55
Speaker 1: I wanted to run screaming out of that dressing room problem areas.
00:10:02
Speaker 2: The body has areas that are.
00:10:04
Speaker 1: Problems, and problems requires solutions, and fashion provide solutions. And there is a therapeutic model with a religious structure. You have a diagnosis problem area, it was my thighs. You have a prescription that dress which I think had a wide skirt, and then management just continue to dress in such a way that your problem areas are hidden, and then you will be free from shame and I don't know, maybe guilt too. We also use words like hiding and minimizing, right, I think I bought a stomach minimizing swimsuit last summer.
00:10:40
Speaker 2: We speak of clothes that will.
00:10:42
Speaker 1: Hide body parts, minimize body parts, camouflage body parts. The body is something to be hidden, minimized, made less present unless it matches a certain standard, of course, but contrast this with showing off, which is reserved only for the parts of the body that conform to that standard. The ideal body is to be displayed, while the deviant body is to be hidden. Then there's this whole language around work with your body versus work against your body. And this phrase is interesting because it implies that the body is an adversary. Your body is the enemy, and you must negotiate with it, and fashion rules will tell you how to achieve a truce with your own flesh, work with your body to have lines that elongate and make you look how more like that standard. And then there's this concept of being universally flattering. Examine the logic here. A rap dress is universally flattering because its design makes anybody look more like that standard. The standard is still the standard. The dress is just more effective at creating an illusion. This isn't about body acceptance. It's just sophisticated body management. So remember I quoted David Zahl in our first episode in the series. He wrote several great books. One of them is called Seculosity. But Zaul writes about the way performance anxiety migrates into appearance. When we can't achieve righteousness through behavior, we try to achieve it through the way we present ourselves. We try to look the part friend. This is us managing our image, Zaul says. The fitting room becomes the confessional, the mirror becomes the judging gaze. The ideal outfit promises that today you will pass, you will be acceptable, and it's a promise of fashion, just like all law based systems. Can't ultimately keep because there's always another season, there's always another standard, there's always another body part to address or fix or to make conform to the standard. And friend, I mean, let me just confess to you, like I struggle here too. I had to be up on stage with my husband last Sunday at church and I had a really difficult time deciding what to wear. And I knew the right things to say to myself. I knew ultimately it was my words that were going to matter more than what I look like would matter. But man, the judgment in our heads comes and the lies come. They will listen to you unless you look a certain way. You know, they're going to judge you for the way you look. They're not going to like you. They're not going to accept you. I mean even the cruel thoughts, like women are going to think that you're not good enough for your husband and they're gonna try to cut in. I mean, the spirals can't go anywhere and everywhere. Friend. But ultimately, the underlying presupposition that I was accepting as I have my little stress out over what I was gonna wear, is that my body is not a representation of me or good enough for me or good enough period because it doesn't match the very narrow standard set by one percent of women that the fashion industry follows. And I just kind of bought right into that, like I'm not good enough. I should not be anywhere close to his stage unless or until I am good enough, right, And I don't know, you've probably had those thoughts too, But I want us to notice here that looking the part isn't God's standard. That's the world's standard, or that's our own standard, right, But that's not something He's a of us. And is this language that we're using around our clothing keeping us stuck believing the lie that our bodies really aren't good enough? Our bodies really weren't made in the image of God, our bodies really weren't called good by God. Our bodies really weren't given to us intentionally by God. Or maybe I really messed up my body because I did this thing with food or I did that thing with food, or I did this thing with exercise, or I have never exercised. And I was supposed to look a certain way and be a certain way, and I let perimenopause get me, or I let pregnancy get me and I've failed with my body and I'm not doing well enough, and I should be.
00:15:41
Speaker 2: I should be. I should be. I should be. I should be, I should be, I should be.
00:15:45
Speaker 1: Like, friend, I've felt it too, But I hope what you'll take from today is that ninety nine percent of us have bought in and are trying to make not just standard that only applies to one percent. Okay, Now we're in a zobic world right now, so maybe there's more than one percent that are getting it done. And we'll see what happens with that, right I mean, it's yet to be proven whether or not they will stay that size or whether their bodies will rebel and ultimately want to be a bigger size again. We'll see, we'll see. But friend, we don't have to live under that shame and condemnation anymore. We can do what God asks us to do in terms of making why decisions reasonably, stewarding our body reasonably without the obsession that would be required to meet culture standard. So let's go back to this concept of forgiving, and the question is who is doing the forgiving. There's an invisible judge here, and there's also a promise of acceptance in Chianity. Right forgiveness is very personal right. It comes from God right, and it requires a subject right, someone who is forgiving us. It is God forgiving us of the many ways that we have sinned against him.
00:17:18
Speaker 2: But who forgives you?
00:17:21
Speaker 1: When you wear a waistepand that's so tight it leaves a mark around stomach and the answer is unstated, but it's implied. Right. Who forgives me is other people's eyes, like it's the social gaze, it's the judgment of others that I am free from and forgiven from. Or it's the internalized version of the judgment of myself. I am forgiven by me. Forgiving clothes make us acceptable to that gaze. They allow us to pass without penalty. But friend, in this there's a profound loneliness. H We don't need forgiveness from a gaze that is never actually looking at us that closely, for an offense that we didn't actually commit through a mechanism clothing that can never actually forgive us of anything at all. Back to Robert Capone, he talks about the idea of grace and unconditional reception. You are received just as you are, not as you manage to appear right. We know from Samuel God looks at the heart, not of the outside. The forgiving, closed framework inverts this completely. You must manage your appearance to be accepted. And that acceptance, oh man, it's going to keep us so insecure because that acceptance is always conditional, it's always provisional, it's all always depends on wearing the right thing. That's a lot of pressure when you go in and out of the house. Right am I going to be wearing something that is going to allow me to be accepted? Or am I going to wear something that risks rejection? And there's a psychological cost to this. The research on appearance based self evaluation shows that people who heavily base their self worth on their appearance have higher rates of depression, anxiety, and disordered eating. This is the fruit of a law based anthropology. It produces guilt and never righteousness. And then there's the absurdity, which we've mentioned a couple times. But fabric can't actually forgive you an elastic waste band is not making a moral judgment and then withdrawing from it. The entire framework is a category error. I've attributed to cloth. The function of grace and in doing so, we have revealed perhaps how desperately hungry we are for real grace. I wrote a book called The Comparison Free Life, was originally titled The Burden of Better, but it's really a book about grace because I thought I knew what grace was like. You know, I'd sang amazing grace, and you know, I knew I could define it for you, but I hadn't really experienced it. And I think my image issues and managing my body and managing my appearance and focusing on those things were outward examples of how much I struggled with grace. I did not deserve grace until I got my food and my body just right. And that is actually just antithetical to everything that grace is because grace is undeserved and it's not based on me and what I do. It's based only on Jesus and what he did. I respond and obedience to him because He's offered that grace, but I'm not earning it myself. So if you've struggled with grace too, and really feeling God's grace as it applies to the way you look and your body and the story of your body, everything your body's been through. Like, go grab my book The Comparison Free Life, and it may encourage you as well. Okay, as we close here, what does it look like to have a different vocabulary? What would non religious fashion language actually sound like? I think it would be free of shame? Right. We would be able to prioritize how our clothes feel, rather than uber focusing on how they appear to others. We would be able to put on a pair of genes that fit us and think, yay, I'm so glad they fit. I think they'll be comfortable, they're not cutting off my circulation. And we would be free from worrying about what the number is inside that size tag, and we would be out of our heads obsessing over I can't believe it's that number. I can't believe it's that number. I mean, frience, You know that there's no universal sizing. What's a size ten at one store, is a size two in one store, and it's probably a size twenty two on Amazon. You've been there, you know what I'm talking about. Right, there's no universal sizing, and yet, and yet the shame and condemnation around our clothes, around fabric that can't forgive us it's real. What would it look like to just think about clothes as a utility to serve our body, versus thinking about how to change our body to serve clothes and maybe be even ultimately to serve a fashion industry with a super narrow standard. Right. I think that's where we've gotten it confused. Back to David Zol, his book Seculosity ends with this concept of one way love, and that takes us right back to grace. It's grace that comes toward you without conditions. And the question for fashion and body image is where does that kind of grace, that kind of warm welcome, that kind of reception, Where does it come from? Friend, You're not gonna get that from your mirror, even if you look dang good in it. Your mirror is not going to reply, oh, I love you so much more, thank you, thank you for doing that, thank you for looking so good. You are my favorite. I love you. Your mirror is not going to say that. In fact, I would suggest the longer you stare in your mirror, the more your mirror is going to find something to pour. It could be like, yeah, you look pretty good except for that spot on your face, or except for the way your arms look in that, I mean, the mirror will find something wrong if you look in it long enough, And the same with the case of others. Right, You're never gonna find the warmth, the grace that one way love from having others look at you and approve. It's not gonna be enough, and they're fickle. They might approve one day and disapprove the next day, even if you're wearing something even better. It's so unstable and uncertain, and it makes us so insecure. We cannot look to others for approval and still be serving Jesus. Right. Scripture tells us that explicitly Galatians one ten, for am I now seeking the approval of Man or of God? Or am I trying to please Man? If I were still trying to please Man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Yikes, friend, so hear me. This doesn't mean fashion is bad. Wanting to look nice is a pathological problem or a sin problem. That's something I'm saying. But what I mean is that the words we use, the grammar we use, is affecting us more than we know. And so what would it look like to swap where it's like forgiving for words like comfortable or roomy or you know what, this feels good and fits well on my body without all the shameful language, And then what would it look like to accept God's grace and actually believe that God's opinion of me matters the most, Actually believe that God is looking at my heart and not my gene size, Actually believe that I am not standing in front of God every day waiting for him to tell me whether or not I look good enough or look acceptable, That that's not how he's looking at me, that's not how he's judging me. I am free to live for him and not to try to get everyone else's approval of my outfit of the day. And that's a hard, hard thing to consider, but there's so much freedom there. So we spent the last three episodes talking about the ways our language reveals that there's deeper things going on when it comes to our food and our bodies and the way we eat and the plans we follow. And we started by talking about words like guilty, pleasure, and being bad in the first episode, and then we moved to talking about like the institutions and how they structure salvation for us, like Optavio or Gwen Shamblin's Way Down. And then today we talked about really the most intimate, perhaps of the way we think and speak about ourselves, like what happens with the mirror in the fitting room and what are we actually believing about our bodies? And here's the through line. We have an inherent need for righteousness. We need to be right, acceptable, good enough. But in our secular age we relocated those needs into getting food right, or getting the right size, acceptable body, or getting an appearance that's good enough. They all promise the same thing, and they all fail to deliver. But what we all really long for, and I think why we all try to get it right as we long for rest, We really don't want to worry about our food, or our bodies, or appearance or clothes anymore. Right, We just want to get to that place where we don't have to think about it anymore. And most of us have believed the biggest live of die culture is that once you do get to that thin point, then you're free. Then you don't have to think about it anymore. You've arrived. That's heaven, because you've earned your rest. Oh, friend, I've said, there's one hundred times on the show. Anyone who has a before and after picture knows that you don't actually achieve rest. Then. In fact, the studies show that most women who lose a significant amount of weight actually become more obsessed with body image. They have a bigger problem around body image after the weight loss. That's one of the big concerns around the GLP one's ozembic craze right now is that there's higher rates of suicide associated and whether or not it's actually something the GLP one is doing to your system, I'm not sure, but a interesting.
00:28:51
Speaker 2: Theory is that you've waited your whole life.
00:28:55
Speaker 1: To have a smaller body and believe that having a smaller body will give you that rest, that freedom to just not think about your body and food and clothes anymore. And you think you've arrived, and you haven't. And for some, especially those without the hope of Jesus, it's so discouraging, it's such a letdown. It's such a tragic revelation when you find that everything you hoped and dreamed it would be was not connected to having a thinner body. You actually have thoughts of ending at all because you don't have any hope anymore. That's what your hope was in And friend, that's why I just don't want us to lose sight of what our true hope is, where our real salvation is. It's not in optovia working. It's not in clean eating making us pure. It's not in finding the right outfits who were acceptable for everyone else's gaze. Friend, A real hope is in Christ alone, period end of sentence. Through his grace, we can wrestle through these issues we have with our bodies, these issues we have with food, these issues we have with clothing. We can wrestle through them without shame and condemnation, without fear of not being accepted or loved, because we know we are already accepted and loved in Him. And what other people think, it really doesn't have to matter that much, Oh friend, There's so much hope, But it's in the Cross of Jesus Christ and real forgiveness, real sanctification, real reconciliation, real restoration from our sinful fallen state. Don't be confused. Hey, thanks for listening today. I hope you've enjoyed the series. If you have, drop us a review on where we get your podcast. Really, those reviews help other people find the show. The amount of reviews I have is really crazy small compared to how many listeners there are, And so maybe if you're one of those people who hasn't left a review yet, would you just consider doing that? Greatly appreciate your consideration there. Coming up next time with an interesting episode on how the Aura Ring versus the Apple Watch gives us a picture of how God treats us around food and body versus how we treat ourselves. I hope you'll tune in for that one. And if this series has been of interest to you, maybe it'd be interest of interest to a friend, so consider sharing it. Hey, thanks for listening. I hope something Todays helps you stop comparing and start living.
00:31:38
Speaker 2: Boy, Bye bye
