Overcoming Comparison, Identity in Christ, and Confidence with Nicole Renard (Nicole the Nomad): From Pageants and Next Level Chef to Motherhood

00:00:02
Speaker 1: Life Audio, Hey, their friend, Welcome to the Compared To Podcast. This is the podcast for you if you've ever struggled with comparison, and that's what we're talking about today. My guest is Nicole Renard. You might know her as Nicole the Nomad. She's a super interesting lady who competed in pageants and was on Next Level Chef and has quite a following on social media. But today she's here to talk about the ways she's struggled with and overcome comparison. And she's another one of our interviews. This is done in conjunction with our partner this month, who is we Share Christian Medical Health Sharing. If you don't have insurance, or if you're just looking for a better way to do insurance, check out we Share, we Share, dot Org, backslash Heather. We'll save you one hundred and forty nine dollars application fee, and we'll get you a free no obbligation quote. So we're so grateful to we share doing these episodes, and I think just I don't know if you loved the last two episodes I did. I've gotten a lot of great feedback on the episode we did with Anne Byler and with Sherry Garcia, this one is just as good, so I'm glad you're here for it. Hey, we just opened registration for the next forty Day Journey, which is coming up this January, so make sure you grab your spot. January is always so busier group, so grab your spot. Just go to improve body image dot com and look for the forty Day Journey tab. You can find everything you need to know there. Scroll to the bottom of the page and you can save your spot if you're not sure. If you'd like the forty Day Journey, throw a copy of my forty Day Body Image workbook into your card on Amazon. Grab the book. You can start reading on your own, but I think soon you'll see it would be so much richer to go through this content with me and a group of like minded Christian women. But go grab the book at least take a first step towards finding body image freedom. You don't have to wait till the new year. Like this is better than any new plan you could start. Check out that book, the forty Day Body masurec Book, and all of my books today on Amazon. Nicole Renard, Welcome to the Compared to You Podcast.

00:02:16
Speaker 2: Hello, thank you for having me.

00:02:18
Speaker 1: Well it's so fun to be with you. I mean, our partners that we share set us up. But when I read your bio, I got super excited for a number of reasons.

00:02:28
Speaker 2: Yes, this is so fun.

00:02:29
Speaker 1: Reason one, so you and I have something in common. I was also on a cooking show, although mine was not. Shall we say, maybe it's prestigious. That's the when you were on, because I was on nailed it. Yeah, that's awesome, but you were right right where like it was, we were set up to fail. I oh, my cake was so bad, Nicole that they were They filmed our episode as episode three of the first season. They moved the show up to episode one because my cake was so epically awful.

00:03:06
Speaker 2: That actually an error.

00:03:07
Speaker 1: Message on Netflix. It used to be that you saw like my cake for a four error message. So anyway, that's my claim. That's amazing. But you were on next level chef. Yes, and I have to confess, like I'm a huge Gordon Ramsey fan.

00:03:22
Speaker 2: Oh who is it? I feel like everybody loves Gordon and Ramsey.

00:03:25
Speaker 1: That was that.

00:03:27
Speaker 2: It was life changing, truly. I mean I feel like I could write a book and maybe I will one day about my experience. But it was one of the coolest things I've ever done. It also was the hardest, probably most stressful thing I've ever done.

00:03:38
Speaker 1: I don't think I've.

00:03:39
Speaker 2: Ever been so scared in my whole life because and I don't even know if a lot of people know this, but that if you follow me, you do that. I just I felt like I shouldn't have been there. I was the least experienced, the least qualified person to be on that show. I'm not a formally trained chef by any means, and I had just started my culinary journey. So when I got the call that I was on the show, I was convinced they had made a mistake. I was like, You've got the wrong girl. And I was so scared. But I'm so glad, I said, yes, I'm so glad I had the experience because I learned so much through that journey.

00:04:10
Speaker 1: Well, Nicole, can we go there? Because yes. What I wanted to talk about today was comparison. And it kind of sounds like what you're saying underneath your what you're saying is that you were comparing yourself to who all the other contestants would be in their credentials.

00:04:25
Speaker 2: I mean, in an environment like that it's hard not to. And I know, I mean, you go into every day think, you know, don't compear yourself to other people. But when I was in a green room with that we started, I think we started with twenty four and all of them had way more experience than me, and we had to go through the audition process, and I just it took everything in me to remember that I was there for a reason and that God had called me to something unique. And again, it felt so random that I was there that I'm like, there's got to be a reason, and so I had to hold on to that and truly leaning on the Lord for everything during that experience beca I could not do that on my own.

00:05:02
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. I love that, And I get it when you say it was scary. I mean my show was not scary in the same way, But I don't know if it was that I would assume it was this way on next level chef, I mean, the producers are kind of adding a level of intensity, and so we were kind of getting like yelled at to the point where I had frozen to the like my hands were covered in like funet and cake ball materials and all the things and I didn't. I could not see the sink, Like I was like, there's no sink. I was just blind to trying to help my hands. But like it is, it's so intense.

00:05:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is, And I had to keep reminding myself at the end of the day, this is a TV show. They're producing a television show, so there has to be that leve ful of drama and excitement and pressure, which is why the stakes are so high on Next Level Chef. But it truly was one of the most intensive I've ever done, and I tell people all the time that it's fifty percent of mind game. Sure, you have to know how to cook, and you have to be a good chef, but at the end of the day, you also have to play the mental game of not psyching yourself out or I think a lot of the people that went home early on in my season they checked out in their brain first, and I started to notice that. I'm like, oh, it's the people that are losing confidence or who are doubting themselves or comparing themselves, and it's getting to them to the point that they end up getting eliminated. So it's such a crazy thing.

00:06:32
Speaker 1: Interesting, Okay, but you are not a stranger to intense competition because you did pageants, right, Yes, I mean, how are the situation similar in.

00:06:42
Speaker 2: A lot of ways. I mean a lot of what I did growing up, My extracurriculars were competitive by nature. I grew up as a dancer, and so my company competed across the country and across the state, and I was I just grew up used to either being on stage or being in front of judges and having my performance being critiqued or just and the award or level of placement was determined by that. And so from a young age, especially before I knew who I was, before I was really solid in my identity and who you know, who I was in Jesus, it was hard for me to just know what to do with that. When you know you're trying your best, you've trained, you've put in hours, and you want to do well, and then maybe you get a placement that was lower than what you wanted, or you didn't place at all. Like those things were really hard for me, and then it's it's only natural to look at the girl next to you or the world the girl who did place higher, and say, well, I guess I'm not as good as that, or I guess I must not have been as pretty or smart or eloquent or you know, well spoken, and those things don't also always necessarily mean that, but it's hard to not equate it to that in the moment. So it took me years of going through not only the competitions, but just the mental work and the heart work of understanding that at the end of the day. And I didn't figure this out until like the end of my journey competing and when I stopped. But at the end of the day, if all of that was stripped away, whether or not I win, whether or not I don't place it all. Nothing I do or don't do, or achieve or don't achieve changes the fact that I'm a human creative with purpose and that I have value that is given to me through Christ and that cannot take that away. Nothing can. And when I realized that, it unlocked something within me that then moving forward, when I would compete, like let's say what's on next, old chef. Yes, it was scared, but I still I had that confidence of like, Okay, if I do get eliminated today, I'm going to be okay because God still loves me and I still have value and I'm scared out of my mind, but it's gonna be okay.

00:08:45
Speaker 1: I love that. That's a good word. So is that what you say to yourself in your head? Like you're at next level chef, you want to freak out? What are you saying to yourself? God still loves me. I have value, like do you have any?

00:08:55
Speaker 2: I so many things, so many things. I feel like I was in prayer the whole time I was there. I was just constant conversation with the Lord because every moment I felt like I didn't know what to do and maybe I'm not giving myself enough credit, like I really it built my confidence in so many ways, and I really did my best. I feel like it was just stretched beyond what I thought I was capable of, and my capacity grew in that season, but I still, I think internally was freaking out, like it just internally screaming the whole time. And so I would say, like, Holy Spirit, highlight what I'm supposed to grab on the platform and tell me what to do because I'm so out of my element right now, and my hands were doing things that I've never done before. I don't know how I was pulling off some of these dishes, but I just kept repeating, like God, I trust you, God, I trust you. Jesus helped me, like every just little breath prayers throughout the day, I truly think is what sustained me.

00:09:42
Speaker 1: That's amazing. Now I need to go watch I don't know that I watched your season.

00:09:47
Speaker 2: Season it's season three. It's really great.

00:09:49
Speaker 1: How far did you make it?

00:09:51
Speaker 2: I made the top seven, which is way harder than I thought. My goal was to make it through the first episode, and then once I made it one, my goal was top ten. So the fact that I made it three episodes past top ten, it feels like a huge accomplishment to me.

00:10:04
Speaker 1: Oh that's fantastic. I can't wait to check it out. Well, man, I mean, you're not that old Nicole, but I got a solid grip on this identity thing, which is super impressive. Thank you your new mom. Did that add any new layers to the tendency to compare yourself to others or the identity? Yeah?

00:10:31
Speaker 2: Yeah, I definitely still struggle with that in different ways. Now that I'm a first time mom, I think, well, I don't know if anybody can relate to this, but one thing I've always struggled with. Sometimes it's not so much comparing myself to other people, but comparing myself to my past self. It's like I'm comparing maybe on a load day or a medium day, I'm comparing myself to my peak. And because I have done so many I mean, this is all relatives, so I don't even want to say, like so many big things or so many cool things. Because I've achieved so many, like outwardly big things in my young adult life. It's really hard for me in my thirties now to look back and not believe the lie that I've peaked and that that's the best or coolest that God's gonna do in my life, and that it's kind of over, like I'm just washed up goods. I don't believe that, But I would be lying if I said that voice doesn't come in my head a lot. And I have to be careful to not compare myself to seasons that I'm not in, because I can just as easily look back and see God's faithfulness and hand in my life over the last fifteen years, and all of those things are stepping stones. Like at the time when I was twenty two and had just stepped off the Miss America stage. I thought that was it. I was like, I've peaked twenty two. That's the coolest thing I'll ever do. That's the biggest thing. That's the biggest way God's ever going to use me. Never even had it in my brain that I would be on Gordon like Gordon Ramsey Cooking Show. And it's not even to say that that's cooler, bigger, better, or that's even the point. It's literally not the point. But I think sometimes I'm quick to give up on myself and say, well, I don't know what else it could be, and I compare myself to that. So I definitely struggle in that area. But certainly social media and being in social media for my career doesn't help. How easy it can also be to compare myself to other moms, whether their first time moms or moms who have more kids than me. I have to be really careful about that and keep my heart in mind in check.

00:12:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, so you're on there all the time, You've got a very popular account. Tell us a little bit about like what you're posting about. But then I want to hear, so what do you do like, what's your regular strategy. Are you taking a day off? Are you what do you say to yourself?

00:12:33
Speaker 2: Yeah, I definitely have more boundaries than I used to to protect my piece and to protect my energy because it can get out of hand really quickly, and I try to take at least one day off, if not more. I prioritize rest a lot differently now than I used to, because my capacity is a lot smaller with so many extra responsibilities. Now as a wife and a mother, it looks so different than it did when I was single. And that change in my life happened very quickly, and so I say this all the time, but I feel like I'm recovering from the whiplash of how suddenly my life pivoted. And it's all good things. I just was so used to my pace and my stride as a single, you know, self employed girl on Instagram and social media doing all that to like, now I'm married. Now, now I'm a mom and I have to slow down. That was hard for me. But I started in the travels food space and I've always faith has always been kind of the foundation and pillar of what's behind my content. But now I post a variety of lifestyle things. I still do recipes on my page. I do a lot of motherhood stuff. I do a lot of family stuff. And so I tried to be led by the Holy Spirit and truly just ask God, like, what do you want me to do today? What do you want me to create? Because at the end of the day, I am here because of you, and I want to steward this well and I need that divine wisdom or else to me. I don't I want to just keep adding to the noise. You know. I wanted to have meaning and I wanted to have significance.

00:14:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's I mean, that's so important. And I hear what you're saying too. You know, I remember my transition to motherhood. It was like, oh, the most important thing I'm going to do today is change eight diapers or phil a sippy cup. Like really, like this is where it ends. And I can say now as a mom of much older kids, it's like, oh, no, that's not where it ends at all. Right, that's just the beginning. But it is such an important season, and I think it's just vital to have that kind of perspective like wow, like okay, this might not feel as exciting but I'm really investing something here and it's more important than any of those other things I've ever done.

00:14:46
Speaker 2: Arguably, one of my mentors just said something that really encouraged me in a very specific context, but I think it can be applied to a lot of situations in life. Is like to always look at it from an internal perspective and when you think about what this looks like for eternity, the eternal deposits that you're making when you know you choose to be selfless and you know, serve your husband first, or serve your kids first, or serve your friends first, Like those things are going to matter in the end. And that helps me in moments where it can be easy to give into my flesh or be like, well I just want it this way or this feels good in the moment, that I think is helping me have a better perspective about those things too.

00:15:25
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, that's a good word. The Miss America pageant or the whole pageant world. Did you watch the documentary that came out? It had it come out last year? The Miss America documentary?

00:15:39
Speaker 2: Oh I don't think I did.

00:15:40
Speaker 1: Huh as always right? To make it interesting, it had to expose things or whatever behind the organization. I'm not really interested in that. But you know, the pageant world is to some degree, I know it's tried to change over the years to some degree about how you look and the pressure on women girls even in the pageant world around that it is so intense, Like what did you see around you? And I mean, did you feel like you were able to shine light there?

00:16:15
Speaker 2: Yeah? Absolutely, And that's one thing I love about the Miss America organization. Obviously, I only have my experience, and I know every girl has a different experience who goes through the program, And I just want to note that it's so different based on where you are in the region. Like the pageant world in Washington, where I grew up is very different than the pageant world in Texas, and is very different than the pageant world in Tennessee or Alabama. So I honestly, I think if I grew up in the South, I would have not competed.

00:16:40
Speaker 1: I'm too scared. That's fair.

00:16:43
Speaker 2: The wombdom pagets.

00:16:46
Speaker 1: In full makeup, yes, and that just.

00:16:48
Speaker 2: Wasn't my experience, and I'm grateful for that. I was always involved with organizations before I did Miss America that focused on building confidence in young girls and developing life skills that were going to help you get a job one day. Learning how to interview, learning how to introduce yourself and speak in public, and you know, how to have table etiquette, those kinds of things which I think are very helpful. And some you know, people will grow up in a family where you don't get taught those things. I think that is so vital. And so that's why my parents allowed my sister and I to compete. And then the Miss America organization was kind of an extension of that, with the main goal being to give young women scholarships to go to college. And so one of my main reasons for competing is because I wanted to go to Chapman University and it's expensive, but the scholarship money I could receive through competing and not even winning, but just you know, placing help pay for my college. I received sixty thousand dollars through my ten years of competing that allowed me to graduate college debt free. So for that, I am forever grateful. And I think, although you're going to hear the horror stories, and yes, there are these stereotypes when it comes to pageants. I tried to keep my blinders on and remember why it was there and focus on those life skills that I was building. So the times that I didn't walk away with the crown, I would always ask myself, Okay, but what else did I win? I won more public speaking skills, I made so many new friends, I got a little bit of scholarship money, and I nailed my interview or whatever it was, if that makes sense. I always tried to think about those things because now that I'm out of it and I'm an adult, and I look back at the opportunities I've had because of you know, connections I made or relationships I have in that world and the jobs it brought me or whatever it is it was. Again, it's all stepping stones. They were all things that were laying a foundation to help me get to where I am now and almost serve as a launching pad. So I don't know if I answered your question. I feel like I kind of went down a rabbit trail right there. But for me, it was a very positive experience and that outweighed the negative.

00:18:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that, and I can just hear and every answer you give just a tremendous amount of gratitude, Like you really have a heart of gratitude, Nicole. Do you know where they came from? I mean other than the Lord?

00:18:51
Speaker 2: Yeah, really, I mean I think it's just the years of Man. I feel like I have so many random life experiences, high ones, low ones, everything in between, and I always come back to this concept and idea and truth really that I don't deserve any of it. All of it's a blessing I as a human who was born into sin, like, I don't deserve what I'm getting in eternity. I don't deserve that. And so there's reason to be grateful for literally everything. And we all know that gratitude cannot exist at the same time as complaining. And when I struggle with complaining, I have to go back to, Okay, well what am I grateful for? And that might seem silly, but it helps and it works, and I just try every day to not fall into that trap of grumbling and complaining, to just be joyful and be gracious and be thankful.

00:19:46
Speaker 1: I love it. That's amazing. You are wise man your years. I mean, that's I think if you can master that right life.

00:19:55
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not easy. I'm not perfect that I don't want to come across the I'm just break all the time. I'm not. I definitely catch myself daily being like hmm, there I was complaining again.

00:20:06
Speaker 1: It's catching yourself that's important. Yeah's absolutely. Oh that's awesome. I love it. I love it well. So we share was kind enough to sponsor these episodes, and you know their goal is really to promote health, mind, body, and soul. Yes, Like, what would you say your like best health tip is mind, body, and soul.

00:20:32
Speaker 2: Ooh, that's a great question for me. I have seen a lot of success in my health holistically when I have consistency in my life And that doesn't mean being a slave to routine or you know, being so rigid that there's no flexibility or joy. But I will say when I established a morning routine that worked for me, or or or night routine, like just some type of structure to my life helped me feel more motivated, helped me feel better about myself, helped me be more productive. And again, once you established the structure, it can then it can evolve, it can work, it can even change in seasons, Like my routine now looks very different than it did a year ago, but having some kind of structure that helped me because I knew what to expect and my body just kind of got in the rhythm of almost like muscle memory of like Okay, what are we doing today? And it changed the game for me. So I think that can be applied to a lot of different things in your life, whether that comes to like your diet or your exercise habits, or even just like having a good sleep routine, getting enough sleep, drinking enough water, whatever it is. Having structure helped.

00:21:40
Speaker 1: Me a lot. Yeah, yeah, that's really good, really good. How about spiritually, what helps you thrive?

00:21:51
Speaker 2: I think a little more kind of what this is same. I was just talking about being consistent, having time every day that I plan to spend with the Lord, and for me, that works best when it is like a specific time of day. Otherwise it doesn't happen. I've tried, like, oh, I didn't you know to do it at this time of day, but I'll do it later and then it normally doesn't happen. I'm not saying that like I hit that every day, but for me to have it planned helps me to succeed. And so I just got in a habit of reading my Bible every day, trying to be inconsistent prayer throughout the day, whether it's folding laundry or unloading the dishwasher or running to target, like talking to God and bringing him into those moments and doing life with him. That it's that concept of abiding and staying connected to the source made it less intimidating. Because I'm a first time mom. My daughter just turned one. I don't have time to sit, you know, in my comfy chair drinking coffee, reading the Word for an hour in journaling.

00:22:44
Speaker 3: I wish I did I miss those days. If you're single, or if you are in a season of life, for that as possible for you, soak that up anything, But my reality is.

00:22:54
Speaker 2: Not that right now, and so I do it when I can, and I do it when she's around because I want her to see that. I want my daughter to remembering like, oh yeah, my mom had her Bible open on the kitchen counter, like we were reading as we were making breakfast, we were praying as we were walking to the park, Like I want that to be part just ingrained in who she is, that she can talk to God wherever.

00:23:13
Speaker 1: I love that. I love that well Christmas is like just right around the corner. What is Nicole the Nomad going to be treating us too during a Christmas season?

00:23:25
Speaker 2: Oh, some yummy holiday treats. This is a baking season for me. I love baking in general, but during the holidays it just feels extra magical. So hopefully some yummy holiday recipes. Actually this weekend, I have five new holiday recipes, desserts that you can make in under ten minutes, and so people that are non bakers or don't love the oven, these don't need to go in the oven, and they're going to be fun and easy. But yeah, this time of year two, I try to just scale back and slow down because my year is just already so busy and I want to rest well and well so that I can start well in the new year.

00:24:03
Speaker 1: That's a good word, Nicole. Tell everyone where they can follow you.

00:24:07
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, I'm Cold and Nomad on pretty much every platform. So whatever you're on, Instagram, TikTok you to. But I'm also on Snapchat, Pinterest, Facebook. If you type into Cold and Nomad or just google the Cold the Nomad, my website will pop up, or you can find all my recipes and travel guides, but hopefully fingers crossed a cookbook in the future. I post daily and weekly on all the platforms, so I'd love to connect.

00:24:29
Speaker 1: Awesome on the call. Thanks so much for being on the show today.

00:24:32
Speaker 2: Oh thank you for having me.

00:24:33
Speaker 1: This is lovely and thank you for watching your listening. I hope something today has helped you stop comparing and start living. Bye bye, then compared to you podcast. It's prasby part of the Live Audio Podcast Network. For more great question podcasts, I hope you go to life audio dot com and hey, have you left a review yet? The nicest thing you do for us a sleek review On whatever platform you're listening, Your five star reviews help other people find this show. Thanks very much for the blessing of that