Starting Over After Trauma: Healing From Gaslighting & Rebuilding Life After Divorce

Welcome to another episode of Bent Not Broken. Heartbreak and trauma may feel like the end of your story, but here it's the beginning of a bold new chapter. I'm your host, Coach Deborah Griffiths, and this is the space where women rise, rebuild, and rediscover their purpose. Remember this truth. You are bent not broken. Welcome back to this Bent Not Broken bonus episode. I'm Coach Deborah, and today I want to take a few moments to go deeper into the powerful conversation I had with award-winning author and survivor Mia J. Hanks. If you haven't listened to the full episode yet, I encourage you to go back because Mia's story is one of courage, clarity, and the quiet strength it takes to walk away after nearly three decades with a covert narcissist. Today's bonus episode is about understanding what we often can't see while we're in it, and what survivors need to know as they begin their healing. I'm breaking this down into several segments with some coaching tips thrown in. Segment one, when love feels like ownership. One of the most striking things Mia said was, I hadn't been courted, I had been acquired. That line hits so many listeners because it reveals a truth survivors often feel, but they cannot name. Covert narcissists don't choose their partners, they collect them. They love the idea of you. They love what you can provide. They love how you make them look. But they do not love in a way that honors connection. Tip number one Name the dynamic, not the emotion. Instead of asking, why wasn't I enough? Ask, was this love or was it control? Reclaiming your narrative starts with telling the truth about what really happened. Segment two, the perfect partner illusion. Mia showed how her ex-husband could be charming, generous, and almost overly complimentary in public, yet cruel, cold, and degrading behind closed doors. This is textbook covert narcissism. It's also why survivors often stay silent. Tip number two Trust the version of your partner you see in private. The mask is for everyone else. The real behavior is what they show you when no one is watching. Your healing begins the moment you trust your own perception again. Segment three. The physical toll of emotional abuse. Something many listeners resonated with was Mia's physical decline, the panic attacks, the chronic pain, the stomach issues, and the headaches. Your nervous system cannot live in fight or flight forever. Tip number three, don't ignore your body's warning signs. If your body is breaking down, it's speaking the truth your mind may not be ready to accept. Ask yourself, if my best friend were living with these symptoms, what would I tell her? You deserve that same compassion. Segment number four, rebuilding after the escape. After 30 years leaving wasn't simple, it wasn't quick, and it wasn't painless. But it was possible. Mia found strength through therapy, support groups, and unexpectedly writing her memoir, Bridesmaid, which became an award-winning book and a lifeline for survivors. Tip number four healing happens in layers, not milestones. Give yourself time. Find people who believe you. Let yourself rest. And celebrate every small step because each one is an act of freedom. If you are in a relationship where love feels like fear, confusion, or walking on eggshells, hear this. You are not stuck. You are not alone. And there is a better life on the other side of abuse. As Mia said, narcissists rarely change, but your life can. Your future can. And you can. Leaving is not the end. It's the beginning of your story. Thank you for joining me today. And remember, you may be bent, but you are never broken. And if you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, please contact the Domestic Violence Awareness Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. Thank you for listening to today's episode of Bent Not Broken. I hope that this episode reminded you that even through life's toughest moments, you are bent, not broken. If this message inspired you, please share, rate, review, and subscribe, as it helps us reach more women who are ready to rise and rebuild. And until next time, keep living bold and walking in your purpose.