TOP #3: Is Masturbation a Sin? Answers For Singles & Marrieds ft. Ashlyn R. Watkins

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Welcome to head to Heart
podcast.

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I'm your host Jenny Markham.
This Bi weekly podcast is

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designed to be a safe space to
admit where we truly believe in

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our hearts.
There's a huge difference

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between having biblical
knowledge floating around in our

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heads and actually believing
that it's true.

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Until God's truth makes its way
into our hearts.

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Nothing changes will be doing a
mix of solo episodes and

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interviews with friends.
Those who have experienced the

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freedom that comes, when head
knowledge becomes heart.

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Knowledge will talk about
overcoming lies in our

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relationships, mental health
struggles and the way we see

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ourselves, the truth will set
you free so that you can walk

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every day in the freedom.
God desires for you.

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It's time to let go of those
pressures insecurities and

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burdens.
That's not yours to carry.

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Thanks for joining us.
Welcome back to head to Heart

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podcast.
I'm your host Denny Markham.

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It is a joy to be back in
recording and thank you so much

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for tuning in to this episode.
I pray that it blesses you in

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ways that you can't even imagine
right now before we start this

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episode.
So I have such an amazing guest

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with me Ashland, why don't you
introduce yourself what you do

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family and one fun fact, yes.
Hi, everyone.

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And thank you so much Jenny for
having me, it's an honor.

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Honor and a pleasure and I'm so
thankful.

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I am Ashland are Watkins and I
am a podcast host of spiced wife

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podcast, as well as a business
owner and a coach.

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And most importantly, my first
Ministry, I am a wife and a

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mother of three children.
A fun fact about me.

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Let's see.
I used, I do you know what I was

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on?
Family Feud.

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That's a random fun.
Well, I did not see that one

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coming.
That's a random fun fact.

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I guess that's just totally
random but, you know, long ago

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was that so we recorded in 2014
but they didn't release it until

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I want to say almost 2016, I
believe and it still comes on

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today.
So that's why I mention it

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because I get I get people Who
will message and say, hey, your

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episode, your guys's episode is
on.

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And so, it just seems to just
keep playing.

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So I said, well yeah, that that
was like, a bucket list type

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thing and it was a lot of fun
and we went out and recorded

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with Steve Harvey and it was
just really, really fun.

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It was a great experience and so
we did not win.

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That's when a question.
I get all the time.

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We did not.
It was a fun experience for

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sure.
Wow, that tops.

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All the fun facts, I've hurt so
much.

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That's, that's incredible.
I'm sure that everyone who sees

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a re-run of that is just enjoys
it to the fullest.

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Yeah, it's I put like a little
clip on it on my my personal

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Instagram page.
Like if you scroll all the way

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to the bottom, I believe it's
still there.

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I don't think I took it down but
it's like a little clip of what

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we what was released and so it
shows some funny parts in there

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but yeah that was a fun.
Fun thing.

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Wow.
Okay.

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Well, if that's your first
little story, I can't wait to

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hear the next one, but Ashland
what has the Lord set you free

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from?
That is a great question and I

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would have to say, you know, I'm
still growing, it's so true that

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God wants to take us from glory
to glory, because I am

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definitely learning how our life
can be like an onion and how

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there are so many Things that
once you cross over into another

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season of your life, it's like,
oh, shoot.

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There's another layer.
And yet, something else that God

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is delivering me from.
So if I were to pinpoint like

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the top two, things that are
major deliverances in my life, I

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would have to say a Deliverance
of sexual immorality and the

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Deliverance of religion,
actually.

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And when I say religion, I mean
the Performance Based Lifestyle

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the A performance-based walk
with God, where it's kind of

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just performance-based.
I'm you wear a mask.

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You're not really living a true
relationship with God.

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It's about rules and and just
not really having that Oneness

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with god.
That actually was Major

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Deliverance for me.
And that is how God led me into

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doing and starting spiced wife
because in my younger life, I

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definitely was Hiding in a life
of sexual immorality.

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I was hiding.
I was leading, praise and

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worship.
I was the teacher of a teen

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class in church.
I grew up in church as a

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pastor's kid and so I was doing
all of the right things, but in

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private I was just really living
a very just immoral life as far

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as just sexual addiction and
fornication.

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And then once I got married and
I was like, you know, No, I got

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to know God for myself.
I know that's not proper

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English, but that's how I was
thinking at the time, I was

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like, I just got it.
I got to know him for myself.

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I experienced a lot of church
hurt, and a lot of things that

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started to stir in my spirit,
that just didn't seem right.

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And so, one day, I just picked
up the Bible and I said, I'm

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reading this whole thing for
myself and I met Jesus for the

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first time growing up in church.
It's like you meet church first

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and you meet The second.
And so for me I was like it's

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time for me to meet Jesus.
I mean, I know enough about

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church, I know enough about the
rules and the and, you know, the

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all of the documents that
denominations and all of that, I

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needed to meet Jesus.
And when I did that, totally

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just radically, changed my
heart, radically Changed My

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Mind, Set Me Free.
And when I got married, this was

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already when I got married.
But as I got married, my first

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year of marriage, I and that I
have been having sex in the dark

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and immorally.
And now that I've really safe

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for real is what I call it now.
That's now that I'm really

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living for Christ.
How do I get these thoughts out

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of my mind?
How do I learn to do it the

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right way without becoming stiff
and like legalistic and boring?

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And what what is what is okay
for me?

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Do what is not okay for me to do
and there was nobody that I

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could ask these questions to
because again, it's such a taboo

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subject about sex and so that
led my heart into being stirred

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into.
I know that there's other women

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out there who want to know and
have questions about the

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bedroom.
But there's nobody to ask, who

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will be completely honest and
just raw and straight to the

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point to the truth, but keeping
Christ in the middle of it.

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And so, that's what stirred me
into it.

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It and how it became spice wife
was.

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I was at a bachelorette party
and I was sitting there watching

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the wife open up all of her
lingerie, and she was so excited

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and I sat there and I was like,
you know what, this is something

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that needs to be done, even
after you're married.

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Like this needs to be there.
Needs to be a boost for us.

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And so long story short, I went
home and God just begin to

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download all of these ideas and
I drew out the logo.

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Got all of this stuff and
started reading the Bible about

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sex and everything.
And then it just all came to

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pass.
I mean it's such a long story.

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I don't want to take it up but
it just all a it all came to

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pass that way.
That's how it all came about.

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Yeah.
Wow.

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I I love hearing the stories of
what God has set people free

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from because he redeems so much
of it, in the midst of it, he's

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Our Redeemer.
So at one time in your life you

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were sexually immoral in
different ways.

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And then now God has redeemed
your story that you can Minister

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into people's sex lives and
their sexual struggles because

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God is a good, a good God, who
redeems things?

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Yes.
Yes, absolutely!

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It's so true!
It's so true.

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I one thing that I like to say
often is, you know, when I was

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living in the life of Hell on
Earth like when God pulled me

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out of that, it's not for me to
be selfish.

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It's not for me to keep this to
myself.

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I gotta Go back and pull others
out.

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I got to go back and say, hey,
you don't gotta live like this

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it doesn't have to be this way.
I was pulled out to come back

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and pull you out through the,
through the blood of Jesus

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Christ because you're right, he
is a redeemer and what what the

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devil meant for evil God will
use that and turn it around for

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our good.
So, you're right now.

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The enemy wanted me to be
drowning in sexual immorality,

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but God said, no, now she's
going to use that to go reach

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those who are Are in that steel.
And that is a Redemptive story.

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Absolutely.
That now for my glory, these

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women and these bedrooms are
going to be set free in the name

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of Jesus even single women as
well to like I speak to single

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women as well.
My book is actually called sex

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before marriage, a church girls
truth.

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And so even though my Ministry
is for wives, my heart, a rigid,

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my heart is always liked, but I
remember being that single girl

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and I got to just tell the truth
that I wish I had.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you're completely right.

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Sex is such a taboo Topic in the
church.

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And so, I don't know if this
would be in the same category,

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but if you want to go by topics,
I think sex would be one of the

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most taboo topics in the church
and then masturbation would be

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another one of them.
Yeah, so why do you think

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there's such a lack of
conversation about it?

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I actually, honestly believe
that there has been like a

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spirit of timidity and fear that
has fallen on so many Believers,

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and so many Ministries.
And so many churches, and

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because of that, anything that
is controversial, anything that

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is uncomfortable becomes this no
Zone and they have so much

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discomfort.
Comfort in talking about

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masturbation, it's just so
awkward.

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But to let that rule you and to
not speak on, it means that you

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have fallen subject to that
spirit of fear and timidity and

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you're fearful of the world.
What is the world going to say?

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What are people going to say?
A lot of times people are like,

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oh well, I don't want my
Ministry to look bad and we

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forget that this is not about
us.

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It's not our ministry.
It's not our church, it's not,

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it's the Lord's.
And if there is a topic that

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Keeping people from God, we have
to develop the boldness, God

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told Joshua be bold and
courageous be bold and

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courageous.
That is what we are supposed to

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be doing.
We're supposed to be bold and

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courageous and so with these
types of topics, any type of

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discomfort, I believe they just
shy away from from because of

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those reasons.
You know, they're worried about

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their image.
They're worried about what

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people might think, or also, I
also believe that, because, All

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sex has become so perverted in
the world that it's like

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Believers feel that, oh, well,
you know, they've taken it and

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run with it.
That's the end of that know, we

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can take it back sex, belong to
us.

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First, you know, sex belongs to
God's people, it belongs to God

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just because Satan took it and
try to distort.

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It doesn't mean that we just
leave it as a lost cause

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absolutely not.
We cannot fear the perversion

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that has entered the world.
We have to come and stand

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against Shine the light on it so
that people will stop drowning

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in these hidden areas.
Yeah, that's really good.

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I okay.
And I just want to say this as a

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disclaimer for all the rest of
the questions that I'm going to

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ask you.
I know that some of those

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questions are going to be posed
like they are yes or no

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questions but I know that these
questions will will, they'll

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need so much more than just a
yes or no.

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And it's something that some of
them will Be well sometimes or a

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gray area so you can feel free
to expound on these questions as

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much as you want.
It's definitely not as simple as

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yes or no.
Absolutely, thank you.

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That's true.
So true.

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So first question is
masturbation a sin for single

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people?
So yeah, let's go ahead and

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expand.
Let's go ahead and let's dive

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into that, and let's unpack that
for sure.

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Because first of all, the thing
that I think of like, Say, is it

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a sin when when anyone ask
themselves that question whether

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it's about masturbation or
anything else, we have to really

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know.
Okay, well what is this?

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You know, what, what, what is
saying and am I?

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So it might easily prone to sin.
I think that that's a really

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good question for every person
to ask like a my prone to sin.

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And the reason why I ask that is
because first John 3:6 says that

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whoever abides in Christ does
not sin.

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And that's what the word says.
And I'm like, okay, so if I

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abide in Christ I will not send.
So if you start from there, you

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have to ask yourself the
question.

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Am I abiding in Christ?
Am I walking with Christ?

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Am I living in Christ?
Is he my everything?

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Do I live breathe?
And and constantly submit myself

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and Crucify My Flesh, a my
abiding in Christ because if you

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are abiding in Christ, then you
won't be fearful.

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Of falling prone into these
types of, if any type of thing

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because it just won't be in you
to have that type of a desire.

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And so then when I read first,
John, three and four, it says

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sin is lawlessness.
That's the definition sin is

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lawlessness.
And so lawlessness for us is

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pretty much any behavior that
goes against God's law, so

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whether we're talking about sex
or anything.

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It's key one to know, what type
of relationship you have with

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Jesus Christ because that's
always going to be the best

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individual answer about any type
of sin question.

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And then it's like, okay, am I
walking with God if I am then

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I'm not going to be a lawless
person.

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Therefore, I'm going to start
thinking deeper about the

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concept of masturbation because
I am not prone to falling into

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sin.
So then that takes you to the

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00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:30,200
next question where it's Well
okay I got that down.

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00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:33,600
I got the thin part down but
what about masturbation is

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masturbation a sin?
Well what is masturbation?

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You got to start asking yourself
these questions while you're

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walking out a life with Christ.
So then you understand saying

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then you take the topic of what
you're concerned about to the

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Lord and you're like okay what
is masturbation?

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When we look up masturbation the
literal definition is the

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stimulation of genitals with the
hand for sexual pleasure.

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So then I'm like okay Jesus well
what does the word say about

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sexual pleasure since that's
what masturbation is?

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Well the Bible tells us clearly
that sexual pleasure is only for

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marriage and you can read about
that in First Corinthians 7

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where it's telling us that any
type of sexual pleasure should

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be done within the Covenant of
marriage.

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It tells us clearly that okay,
if you have these sexual

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desires, then you should go get
a husband, you should go get a

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wife.
Now, that doesn't mean that you

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get anybody, you know you you
definitely want to make sure

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that they are submitted to Jesus
Christ and they will be a mate

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that you are equally yoked with
as Believers.

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But that is what sexual pleasure
that's where it's permitted in

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marriage.
And outside of marriage is

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considered, Fornication.
And so for an occasion, we know

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is the works of the Flesh and
it's having sex and sexual

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pleasure outside of marriage and
Galatians. 5:19 tells us that

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anyone who is practicing such
Works will not inherit the

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kingdom of God.
So, based on all of that, like,

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if I just some all of that based
on all of that, I'm asking

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00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:27,800
myself.
Am I living Lawless Lee?

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Masturbation is I always like to
say think of the word itself

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00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:37,400
masturbation nobody is my master
but Jesus Christ I should not be

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00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:40,700
mastering myself.
My Midas sexual desire should

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00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:44,200
not be mastering me if I'm
letting anything Master me.

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00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:47,900
I am living outside of God's law
which says I am the only God.

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00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:51,700
That's the first.
That's the first commandment

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like have no other God before
me.

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I am the only God.
So if anything else is mastering

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00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:59,800
me, I've let that become my My
God, I'm now living in

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00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,900
lawlessness outside of God's
law.

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I'm now sinning.
And then it's like, okay, am I

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doing this outside of marriage?
Well, the word just told me

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sexual pleasure is only for
marriage.

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So in all of that I would say my
calculation would be yes outside

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of marriage, sexual pleasure of
any kind, including masturbation

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is sinful I love how your
answers are like rooted in the

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00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:30,500
word of God.
You're not just trying to say

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it.
Well, in my experience or, you

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00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:36,600
know, well this is what my
pastor said, but you're looking

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00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:38,500
in the word for yourself.
So I think that.

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00:18:38,500 --> 00:18:43,100
Yeah, even as any listener
listening to this is hearing

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00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:45,800
that well like, okay.
Well, is it really simple?

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00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:50,000
We just encourage you listeners
to also go to the word of God

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00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:54,200
and study it for yourself.
Don't just take my word for it

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00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:58,500
and even though Ashley And her
answers are firmly rooted in the

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word of God.
Please go ahead and also study

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00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:05,600
it and we're yourself as well.
Yeah, absolutely.

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Absolutely.
So, I common argument to this is

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that people say, well, you know,
the word masturbation, it's not

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00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:21,200
referenced in the Bible and so
Paul's never specifically

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00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,400
talking about it.
Jesus never specifically,

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00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:28,400
mentions masturbation.
So, some people say, like, well,

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00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:32,600
if I'm able to masturbate
without lusting without having

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00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,700
sexual fantasies in my
imagination, or without using

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00:19:35,700 --> 00:19:38,400
pornography is that Still
simple.

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00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,300
Uh-huh.
Yeah and I it is true.

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00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:44,800
There are a lot of subjects that
are not mentioned in the bible

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00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:48,500
at all sex toys.
That's not in the Bible lingerie

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00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:51,200
that's not in the Bible.
There's so many things that are

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00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:55,000
not in the Bible, which is why
the word says that if you lack

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00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:58,400
Wisdom, ask me.
The Lord says, asks me and I

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00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,600
will give it to you freely
freely.

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00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:04,600
I'll give it to you without
without punishing you like

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00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:07,200
without you getting in trouble
for asking, you know, like I

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00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,800
will Really give you wisdom.
And so when you ask God for that

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00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:14,500
wisdom and you approach the
Bible with a humble spirit and

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00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:18,000
when I say humble spirit, I
mean, like realizing that, you

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00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:21,000
know, nothing, none of us.
I don't care how many degrees we

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00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,800
have, I don't care how much
experience we have outside of

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00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:28,100
the knowledge of God without
outside of his grace outside of

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00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:30,800
his Mercy.
We know nothing.

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00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:34,100
And so when you approach the
Bible that way and say, God I'm

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00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:38,100
a child, if the if God is
telling me that it's Okay, then

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00:20:38,100 --> 00:20:42,200
I'll feel that as I'm studying
the word of God if he says, it's

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00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:42,900
not.
Okay.

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00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:45,800
I will not feel like it's okay
as I'm studying the word of God.

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00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:50,200
And so you have to really,
really just like you said, have

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00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:51,900
a heart to want to study the
word.

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00:20:51,900 --> 00:20:55,900
A lot of people are, you know,
very lazy and complacent.

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And I've heard a lot of people
say, well, the Bible is just too

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00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:02,600
big and the thing is, if you
just open it, you'll read one

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00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,000
thing.
And then you again, if your

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00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,300
heart is crucified before God in
your, huh?

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00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,400
Great.
The Bible will read you.

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It will read you as you're
reading it, and it will be.

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So it you won't leave without a
new knowledge, and you won't

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00:21:15,700 --> 00:21:18,400
leave without new understanding.
And you'll be able to understand

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00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:21,700
these topics that are not
mentioned in the bible.

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So when it comes to someone
saying, well, you know, I'm able

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00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:31,200
to masturbate without lust, I
mean I first of all, I never

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00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:34,100
argue with people's hearts.
Like, I'm not in your heart, you

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00:21:34,100 --> 00:21:36,700
know, I'm not I'm not in your
heart II.

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00:21:36,700 --> 00:21:41,200
That would be Be me, placing
myself in, in God's shoes.

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00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:45,400
And I'm the only God knows God
says that people judge by the

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00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:48,800
outside but that he alone judges
by the heart.

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00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:52,600
So that I often say, look,
that's between you and God, I am

360
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,800
not called to control anybody.
I'm called to warn you and teach

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00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:57,900
you about the word of God, but
you're an adult.

362
00:21:57,900 --> 00:22:01,800
You're you're capable of making
your decisions, but I will in

363
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:07,300
love really lead you to the word
of God, to really see how you

364
00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:10,700
Can check your heart because the
word against and tells us that

365
00:22:10,700 --> 00:22:13,100
the heart is deceitful above all
things.

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00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:16,500
We cannot trust it.
We have to take it to the Lord.

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So if somebody says, well, I can
masturbate without lusting, I

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00:22:19,408 --> 00:22:22,100
again I would ask them well, are
you married?

369
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Are you single?
And again, being engaged because

370
00:22:25,100 --> 00:22:27,200
people said, well, I'm engaged
to be married, that's still

371
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,800
single because if you are filing
your taxes, there's not an

372
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:36,100
Engaged bubble, it's either.
You agree, it's either married

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00:22:36,100 --> 00:22:39,200
or single.
So So you're single, you know.

374
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:45,000
And so you cannot act in married
ways if you're single and I

375
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:49,600
would again point it back to the
definition, the definition, like

376
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,500
you said, masturbation is not in
the Bible, so then what you have

377
00:22:52,500 --> 00:22:53,900
to do, you have to break it
down.

378
00:22:53,900 --> 00:22:56,100
You have to break it down.
What does masturbation mean?

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00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,600
And when you find out that it
means sexual pleasure.

380
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:01,400
Well, that's all in the Bible.
The Bible does talk about sex

381
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:03,600
and it talks about sexual
immorality and talks about all

382
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,300
of that.
So, you would have to break it

383
00:23:05,300 --> 00:23:07,300
down.
I am not going to argue with

384
00:23:07,500 --> 00:23:09,100
Buddy, Clark.
I'm going to point them to the

385
00:23:09,100 --> 00:23:12,200
word and and I can show them
that it doesn't align with the

386
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:14,900
word.
But I'm going to ask the very

387
00:23:14,900 --> 00:23:20,400
important question of why, why
do you want to masturbate?

388
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:24,500
Why are you doing it?
What is that root in you?

389
00:23:24,700 --> 00:23:30,300
That's causing you to want to
fulfill this very strong sexual

390
00:23:30,300 --> 00:23:33,900
desire.
So that's how I would really

391
00:23:33,900 --> 00:23:37,000
answer that question it, you
have to ask the person a why,

392
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,200
you know, Know what why why do
you want to less?

393
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:42,000
Why do you want to and and do
you understand the definitions?

394
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:43,800
And then based on the
definitions.

395
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:45,100
Okay.
Now let's see what the word of

396
00:23:45,100 --> 00:23:48,700
God says about that to be able
to answer that question.

397
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:53,000
Yeah, it's so essential that we
ask.

398
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:55,400
Why?
Because most of the time

399
00:23:55,600 --> 00:24:00,700
sometimes it's like well because
I had a hard day or because I

400
00:24:00,700 --> 00:24:04,700
feel lonely.
And the thing is anything that

401
00:24:04,700 --> 00:24:10,000
we try to heal, Selves with,
it's not going to work.

402
00:24:10,100 --> 00:24:14,300
The only one who can help you
like Truly Deeply, help, your

403
00:24:14,300 --> 00:24:18,700
soul on a hard day or in your
loneliness, is the Lord and he

404
00:24:18,700 --> 00:24:21,800
provides, you know, the
community around you that home

405
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:26,900
minister to you through.
But most of the time, it's some

406
00:24:27,300 --> 00:24:31,800
sort of human symptom of
existing that is not going to be

407
00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:34,600
healed or fixed by masturbation
in the first place.

408
00:24:34,900 --> 00:24:36,400
That's right.
That's so true.

409
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,600
What whole are you sure?
Going to fill with that because

410
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:42,900
you are absolutely right.
Especially you know, not being

411
00:24:42,900 --> 00:24:46,400
married, having that sexual
desire.

412
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:50,300
Knowing that the word says, you
know, if you can't contain that

413
00:24:50,300 --> 00:24:52,600
lust thing you need to be
married.

414
00:24:52,700 --> 00:24:55,500
So in, knowing that you're
right, what am I trying to

415
00:24:55,500 --> 00:24:59,900
fulfill by doing something?
That is only for married people

416
00:24:59,900 --> 00:25:01,500
now.
Whoa, now, we'll talk about.

417
00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:04,800
We can we can talk about married
people because that's becomes

418
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,300
different, but you're absolutely
right, what?

419
00:25:07,500 --> 00:25:09,300
You try to feel, is there a
void?

420
00:25:09,300 --> 00:25:11,100
Is there.
Anything is flesh?

421
00:25:11,100 --> 00:25:14,700
Mastering you at all?
And we have to be very careful

422
00:25:14,900 --> 00:25:19,800
trying to rationalize our flesh.
We can't we can't we can't

423
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,100
compromise with our flesh, we
have to crucify it.

424
00:25:23,300 --> 00:25:30,200
Yeah, so let's jump into married
people category, is masturbation

425
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:34,200
a sin as a married person and
this is going to be maybe a

426
00:25:34,208 --> 00:25:37,900
complicated answer.
So in what cases is it Okay.

427
00:25:37,900 --> 00:25:39,900
What cases is it not?
Okay.

428
00:25:40,300 --> 00:25:45,000
Uh-huh, it all again.
Stems down to the Y.

429
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:51,800
So now mayor, sex, sexual
pleasure is permitted in

430
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:58,100
marriage, sexual pleasure with
the hand and your spouse is

431
00:25:58,100 --> 00:26:02,300
permitted in marriage.
But again, it's all come it.

432
00:26:02,300 --> 00:26:05,100
All comes down to the how and
the why?

433
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:11,500
And the what So the why, for
instance, there are some couples

434
00:26:11,500 --> 00:26:16,400
where maybe their spouse is
deployed and so they're not able

435
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:19,800
to have physical sex with one
another and fulfill that urge

436
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:22,900
that they have.
And so some spouses might do

437
00:26:22,900 --> 00:26:27,500
like video calling with one
another and their able to like

438
00:26:27,500 --> 00:26:32,800
virtually be sexual and sexually
pleasuring themselves with their

439
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:36,100
spouse.
In that moment for them.

440
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,800
That is permissible.
Belen their marriage, it's not

441
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:41,200
immoral.
They are right there, with one

442
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:45,800
another, they're using the
technology, and they are being

443
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:49,500
for a lack of better words, just
keeping it practical turned on

444
00:26:49,500 --> 00:26:54,900
there, being turned on sexually
by one another who they are

445
00:26:54,900 --> 00:26:59,600
permitted to be sexual with the
word says in First Corinthians

446
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:03,300
7, that the husband is to
fulfill his wife sexual needs.

447
00:27:03,300 --> 00:27:06,300
And the wife is to fulfill her
husband's sexual needs.

448
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:12,100
And so There is more permission
within marriage of what you can

449
00:27:12,100 --> 00:27:14,600
do sexually.
That doesn't mean that

450
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:18,100
everything goes, because there
still are some immoral sexual

451
00:27:18,100 --> 00:27:21,000
acts that even in marriage
should not be done, you know.

452
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,600
Like for instance you can't
bring in a third party into your

453
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,800
marriage or you can't you know
we can't do things like that.

454
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:33,600
You can't do anything.
That is contrary to loving God

455
00:27:34,100 --> 00:27:37,200
in your marriage bed.
So that's one example.

456
00:27:37,300 --> 00:27:40,300
Another example is when you
think about like masturbation

457
00:27:40,300 --> 00:27:44,700
and the stimulation of the hand
for sexual pleasure, there are

458
00:27:44,700 --> 00:27:50,500
some couples where and I hope we
know that this is a very adult

459
00:27:50,500 --> 00:27:53,700
episode.
Yeah I will be writing this

460
00:27:53,700 --> 00:27:59,100
explicit.
Okay it's Holly but it's very

461
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:06,000
you know I mean the world is
teaching it and they have no

462
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:10,100
shame so I'm not going to You
know, like try to be tame it

463
00:28:10,100 --> 00:28:12,400
with it.
I absolutely want to address it

464
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:17,500
head-on but there are marriages
where the husband and wife are

465
00:28:17,500 --> 00:28:22,000
pleasing one another and actual,
you know, regular sex where it's

466
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:26,100
the husband penetrating the
wife, but the wife will try to

467
00:28:26,100 --> 00:28:28,200
reach orgasm and maybe she
can't.

468
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:34,400
Because of just she can't reach
that goal in regular vaginal

469
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:38,500
penetration.
And so what is Possible for her

470
00:28:38,500 --> 00:28:43,800
is to be able to maybe rub on,
you know, like her clitoris and

471
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:47,600
while her husband is there, and
so that in itself is

472
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:52,300
stimulating, sexual pleasure
with the hand, which would be

473
00:28:52,300 --> 00:28:55,200
considered masturbation, even
though her husband is there,

474
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:58,500
however, that is permissible in
that marriage and in that

475
00:28:58,500 --> 00:29:01,800
moment.
And so, I would also ask the

476
00:29:01,808 --> 00:29:06,000
question of why, in the sense of
if you feel like your spouse is

477
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:09,300
not fulfilling your Sure needs.
And then you're taking

478
00:29:09,300 --> 00:29:13,100
masturbation as a way of
replacing your spouse.

479
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:18,000
That is crossing over into
dangerous territories, because

480
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:20,300
that's not what marriage is
about.

481
00:29:20,300 --> 00:29:22,500
Your supposed to be fruitful
with one, another, in the

482
00:29:22,508 --> 00:29:27,200
bedroom, and it's a blessing to
be able to talk to one another

483
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:31,600
and get help to where you guys
can pleasure one another without

484
00:29:31,700 --> 00:29:35,900
excluding the other or omitting.
The other person you have to be

485
00:29:35,900 --> 00:29:37,200
careful at all.
It all comes.

486
00:29:37,300 --> 00:29:42,000
Down to your why and you also
have to have permission from

487
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:45,000
your spouse as well.
The Bible says, in First

488
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:50,000
Corinthians 7, again, that the
husband has authority over his

489
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:53,300
wife's body.
The wife has authority over her

490
00:29:53,300 --> 00:29:56,700
husband's body, so you would
need to ask your spouse for

491
00:29:56,700 --> 00:29:59,200
permission.
Like, say the spouse is away at

492
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:03,700
work on a business trip and you
just have a strong sexual urge.

493
00:30:03,700 --> 00:30:08,400
Now we as Believers should also
make sure that we Are exercising

494
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:10,800
the fruit of the spirit, one of
the fruit of the spirit.

495
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:12,100
We know that it is love.
Joy.

496
00:30:12,100 --> 00:30:14,100
Peace, patience.
Kindness goodness, faithfulness.

497
00:30:14,100 --> 00:30:18,300
Gentleness self-control
self-control is a major fruit of

498
00:30:18,300 --> 00:30:21,900
the spirit that we should
absolutely be watering.

499
00:30:21,900 --> 00:30:25,400
We got to be, we got to be
cultivating the soil of the tree

500
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:28,800
that is producing these fruits
and so there are going to be

501
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:32,800
times where look you're going to
have to exercise self-control if

502
00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:35,300
it's leading you into immoral
thoughts.

503
00:30:35,300 --> 00:30:37,300
If it's leading you into
emotions.

504
00:30:37,300 --> 00:30:40,900
Moral behaviors, you're going to
have to really exercise that

505
00:30:40,900 --> 00:30:43,500
self-control.
But if you if it's not leading

506
00:30:43,500 --> 00:30:47,200
you in those ways and you really
just have a strong good just

507
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:50,300
sexual desire.
You can ask your spouse, am I

508
00:30:50,300 --> 00:30:55,200
okay to relieve this myself and
thinking about you and having a

509
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:58,900
picture about you you can't
think about other people or

510
00:30:58,900 --> 00:31:02,000
things like that so when it
comes to marriage it's

511
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:06,800
definitely not just this yes or
no black and white and I've

512
00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:11,000
heard Many pastors say
automatically will masturbation

513
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:14,200
is less than it's wrong and even
for marriage it's wrong but you

514
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:17,500
got to ask questions.
It's you can't you can't base

515
00:31:17,500 --> 00:31:20,900
teaching People based off of
what you have permitted into

516
00:31:20,900 --> 00:31:26,900
your marriage and there are so
many even ministers who actually

517
00:31:26,900 --> 00:31:30,300
are suffering in their own
personal sexual life, with their

518
00:31:30,300 --> 00:31:33,600
spouse, their suffering in that
way, because they put on this

519
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:39,000
mask, they put on, you know,
this whole I'm so Above and

520
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:42,000
dignified.
And oh, masturbation is so wrong

521
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:45,500
and beneath me, wait a minute,
but you're silently suffering in

522
00:31:45,500 --> 00:31:48,600
your bedroom as well and your
silently secretly doing these

523
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:51,000
things as well.
And it's like, instead of just

524
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:54,700
having the conversation in
addressing that uncomfortable

525
00:31:54,700 --> 00:31:58,500
thing, we can get to the root of
some issues, and then you'll be

526
00:31:58,500 --> 00:32:03,800
able to maybe help somebody into
Deliverance, where they realize

527
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:07,100
the truth about masturbation.
They realize wait a minute, the

528
00:32:07,300 --> 00:32:09,700
Real issue here is not that I
want to masturbate.

529
00:32:09,700 --> 00:32:15,500
The real issue is that I have a
problem with soul ties that I

530
00:32:15,508 --> 00:32:18,200
need to get off of me that I
have.

531
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:21,600
I have some residue of
fornication of my past that is

532
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:24,500
still overtaking me.
And I really need to repent,

533
00:32:24,500 --> 00:32:27,800
and, and refresh my soul in mind
from these things.

534
00:32:28,100 --> 00:32:30,400
And it helps with their
marriage.

535
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:33,900
So, we have to be able and be
comfortable to ask these why

536
00:32:33,900 --> 00:32:37,500
questions?
And to not assume that it's Just

537
00:32:37,500 --> 00:32:39,200
a one size fit.
All that.

538
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:41,600
Oh well, this is what I do in my
marriage so you should be doing

539
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:43,100
it in yours.
That's not how it goes.

540
00:32:43,100 --> 00:32:46,600
Jesus knows us individually and
we have to go to him

541
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:51,100
individually for these types of
issues right now.

542
00:32:51,100 --> 00:32:55,300
That's a really good answer and
I mean there may be some cases

543
00:32:55,300 --> 00:33:02,600
where a one of the spouses has a
history of using masturbation in

544
00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:07,100
a sinful lustful way, right?
They could say you know, I'm not

545
00:33:07,300 --> 00:33:09,700
Trouble doing that in marriage.
I never really want to go back

546
00:33:09,700 --> 00:33:11,100
to that.
Alright happen.

547
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:14,700
I'm tation again.
So consent is just so important.

548
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:20,000
Absolutely.
So single or married, what are

549
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:24,200
some steps that a person could
take to overcome the habit or

550
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:28,000
addiction of masturbation if
they're struggling with it?

551
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:31,000
Using it inappropriately.
Mhm.

552
00:33:32,700 --> 00:33:37,500
One thing that I believe the
devil uses to his advantage Is

553
00:33:37,500 --> 00:33:41,300
shame.
And I believe that, if the, if

554
00:33:41,300 --> 00:33:45,400
they can overcome the fear of
Shame and condemnation, the word

555
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:49,200
says that there are, there is no
condemnation in Christ Jesus.

556
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:55,600
So we can not allow ourselves to
be bound by our struggles.

557
00:33:56,100 --> 00:34:02,500
You have to really seek someone
who is a trustworthy servant of

558
00:34:02,500 --> 00:34:07,100
God to be open with, to expose
it.

559
00:34:07,300 --> 00:34:11,100
Because if it's left in the
dark, the dark is kind of like

560
00:34:11,100 --> 00:34:15,600
this false security where people
feel like, oh, if nobody knows

561
00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:17,699
that I'm good.
But no, that is not true.

562
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:21,500
You have to expose the darkness.
So the first thing that I

563
00:34:21,500 --> 00:34:26,100
definitely would say is don't be
bound by embarrassment and shame

564
00:34:26,100 --> 00:34:30,900
and condemnation but get with
somebody who you can expose this

565
00:34:30,900 --> 00:34:35,699
to and talk to and really just
get some scriptural.

566
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:39,800
Just help with it.
And so, that would be number

567
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:41,800
two.
Number two would definitely be

568
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:45,400
searched the scriptures
concerning your thought process

569
00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:48,800
when masturbation comes into
your mind, so there's always a

570
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:51,900
route thought, there's always a
trigger, there's always

571
00:34:51,900 --> 00:34:56,900
something that brings about the
desire that you have to hone in

572
00:34:56,900 --> 00:35:00,200
on that thing right there.
Like whatever set the bail off,

573
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:03,200
whatever blew the whistle in
your heart, in your mind.

574
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:06,100
That's the thing right there
that you have to say, let me

575
00:35:06,100 --> 00:35:10,400
search the Sure is about what
this feeling is.

576
00:35:10,700 --> 00:35:15,300
If oh my goodness, I if I get
anxiety and because I'm stressed

577
00:35:15,300 --> 00:35:19,500
over a big project that's coming
up and then that leads me now

578
00:35:19,500 --> 00:35:23,100
into wanting to escape.
And so, oh I just want to have a

579
00:35:23,100 --> 00:35:25,400
feeling of feeling good.
So I want to get away from this

580
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:26,900
anxiety so I'm gonna go
masturbate.

581
00:35:27,100 --> 00:35:29,900
Okay.
Well it starts at you having

582
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:32,700
anxiety over and of
presentation.

583
00:35:32,900 --> 00:35:34,800
So you need to go to the word,
you can something.

584
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:37,100
So practical, you can Google.
What does the Bible say?

585
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:42,600
About anxiety and you have to
put those scriptures in your

586
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:46,800
home in your car where you can
speak it out, our words,

587
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:49,800
literally our life and death,
and I think that sometimes we

588
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:53,500
say that as like a cliche thing,
but that is actually the truth.

589
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:57,500
If you're constantly speaking
doubt, and doom, and gloom, and

590
00:35:57,500 --> 00:36:00,800
frustration, well, I can
probably bet that there's a

591
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:05,200
pattern in your life of lack
that, there's a pattern of, you

592
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:06,800
know, not having self
discipline.

593
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:10,700
I can Almost point out what's
going on in your life based on

594
00:36:10,700 --> 00:36:12,900
the words that you are commonly
speaking.

595
00:36:13,100 --> 00:36:15,900
So if you get these scriptures
and you declare them and you

596
00:36:15,900 --> 00:36:18,900
speak them and I'm going to tell
you, you're going to feel

597
00:36:18,900 --> 00:36:21,000
awkward at first.
Because I remember when I

598
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:22,700
started doing this in my life, I
did.

599
00:36:22,700 --> 00:36:25,100
I feel awkward.
I'm walking in my house and I'm

600
00:36:25,100 --> 00:36:27,500
declaring these scriptures.
And I'm saying it out loud.

601
00:36:27,500 --> 00:36:29,900
Like I'm saying, I am the head
and not the tail.

602
00:36:29,900 --> 00:36:33,600
I am above and not beneath.
I Am A lender and not a

603
00:36:33,608 --> 00:36:37,900
borrower, but it's because I'm
going to be A follower of the

604
00:36:37,900 --> 00:36:38,700
word.
I can't.

605
00:36:38,700 --> 00:36:41,800
Just say I'm A lender and at the
borrower, but I'm not following.

606
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:44,000
What is going to get me to that
Deuteronomy?

607
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:48,400
28 tells us, if you obey my
commands, then you'll be the

608
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:50,800
lender and the borrower.
So I have to start walking that

609
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,800
out in my house.
I will my, I commend my spirit.

610
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:56,700
I command My Flesh, to obey the
word of the Lord.

611
00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:58,700
I am going to be the head and
not the tail.

612
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:01,900
I am going to be a strong solid
foundation.

613
00:37:01,900 --> 00:37:05,000
I am righteousness in Christ
Jesus.

614
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:07,000
I am seated at the right hand of
the father.

615
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:10,900
And I begin to say these words
out loud or any type of specific

616
00:37:10,900 --> 00:37:14,300
things that I'm going through.
It does almost at first feel

617
00:37:14,300 --> 00:37:17,600
awkward, because it's like
that's the devil though.

618
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:19,900
That's the devil telling you.
This is so silly.

619
00:37:19,900 --> 00:37:22,900
Like, you really think this is
gonna work, but yet you're so

620
00:37:22,900 --> 00:37:27,300
comfortable in speaking -, but
yet we're it's awkward to speak

621
00:37:27,300 --> 00:37:30,300
the word and speak positive.
So that just lets, you know,

622
00:37:30,500 --> 00:37:33,200
like okay, there really is power
in my words and I got it.

623
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:35,900
I got to start speaking the
right thing, so do that, that's

624
00:37:35,900 --> 00:37:39,300
next start.
Declaring the word against the

625
00:37:39,300 --> 00:37:45,000
thing that's causing you to want
to masturbate or to want to be

626
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:48,100
live in some type of lawlessness
come against that thing and

627
00:37:48,100 --> 00:37:51,500
start to see your life change.
Based on the words that you are

628
00:37:51,500 --> 00:37:54,100
declaring out of the Bible every
single day.

629
00:37:54,500 --> 00:37:59,200
And then the third thing that I
would that I would say is

630
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:01,600
actually going to say, one more
thing shortly and then I'll go

631
00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:04,800
to the the fourth thing.
The third thing I would say next

632
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:07,000
is talk back to that urge like
talk back.

633
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:11,600
It really stand up against it.
No, I am not going to do this.

634
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:13,500
No, I am not.
No, I am not.

635
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:14,600
I am not.
I am not.

636
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:16,500
I will not.
I rebuke this in the name of

637
00:38:16,500 --> 00:38:19,400
Jesus, I will not be overcome by
this temptation.

638
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:21,600
I won't talk back to it
destroyed.

639
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:23,500
The Bible tells us God says
that.

640
00:38:23,500 --> 00:38:25,800
He will provide a way of
Temptation.

641
00:38:25,900 --> 00:38:27,600
He will pass away out.
Sorry.

642
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:30,000
Excuse me.
He will provide a way out of

643
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:31,500
Temptation.
Take it.

644
00:38:31,500 --> 00:38:34,500
Say God, you said God, your word
says God.

645
00:38:34,500 --> 00:38:36,500
You were not a liar.
Your word says, you're going to

646
00:38:36,508 --> 00:38:38,900
provide it.
A way that I can get out of this

647
00:38:38,900 --> 00:38:42,100
temptation and I need you to do
it and it's so funny.

648
00:38:42,100 --> 00:38:44,500
I've seen it happen where my
phone will ring.

649
00:38:44,500 --> 00:38:46,400
If I'm if I'm tempted in any
way.

650
00:38:46,500 --> 00:38:53,100
My phone ring or like a really
practical examples, like if, if

651
00:38:53,100 --> 00:38:57,100
I'm around people that began to
start gossiping and I won't even

652
00:38:57,100 --> 00:38:58,600
realize that that's what they're
doing.

653
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:02,000
Like we're just in a general
conversation and then it just

654
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:04,800
takes a quick turn and I don't
even realize it.

655
00:39:05,100 --> 00:39:09,000
And the only way I realize it
is, Something in that moment,

656
00:39:09,100 --> 00:39:12,100
shifted this literally just
happened to me, wear something

657
00:39:12,100 --> 00:39:15,900
in that moment, shifted either
somebody came and interrupted

658
00:39:15,900 --> 00:39:19,900
the conversation and we totally
forgot about it and went another

659
00:39:19,900 --> 00:39:23,300
way and I was like, oh god, I
didn't even know that.

660
00:39:23,300 --> 00:39:26,100
That person asked me a question.
That was getting ready to lead

661
00:39:26,100 --> 00:39:28,500
in a gossip.
I didn't even realize that until

662
00:39:28,500 --> 00:39:32,200
I noticed that God sent away out
of Temptation so he'll do that.

663
00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:35,100
He will absolutely do it all at
all times.

664
00:39:35,100 --> 00:39:38,400
And in all situations.
And then lastly just have

665
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:41,400
accountability.
Have a friend who is close to

666
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:45,500
you, who you can say, look, I'm
doing, even if your you don't

667
00:39:45,500 --> 00:39:48,300
want to really be detailed with
what they're struggling with,

668
00:39:48,300 --> 00:39:52,300
although I encourage that if
it's somebody you trust, I would

669
00:39:52,300 --> 00:39:54,300
say have a person and you let
them know.

670
00:39:54,300 --> 00:39:57,600
Hey, I'm struggling with an
addiction that I really want to

671
00:39:57,608 --> 00:39:59,700
overcome.
And I just want you to know that

672
00:39:59,708 --> 00:40:02,500
if I just call you randomly or
if I shoot you a text or

673
00:40:02,500 --> 00:40:06,600
something, just just talk to me
like let just about anything.

674
00:40:07,100 --> 00:40:10,100
Nothing on TV something about
anything or let's just pray

675
00:40:10,100 --> 00:40:12,700
together.
Let's let's laugh, let's go.

676
00:40:12,700 --> 00:40:17,100
Grab a coffee or something like.
Have an accountability person to

677
00:40:17,100 --> 00:40:20,100
really walk out life in the
struggle with you.

678
00:40:21,300 --> 00:40:24,600
Yeah.
I know a couple people

679
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:29,400
personally who every time
they're tempted to do something

680
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:32,800
sexually immoral, they
automatically go out on a run

681
00:40:32,900 --> 00:40:35,700
like yeah, that's their escape
is like okay.

682
00:40:35,700 --> 00:40:40,000
I'm literally going to flee from
Temptation and just go on a run

683
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:42,300
and just run it out instead.
Exactly.

684
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:44,100
Exactly.
Run from it.

685
00:40:44,100 --> 00:40:46,200
That's what that's what the word
says run.

686
00:40:46,500 --> 00:40:49,800
Right and get to delete from it
at all.

687
00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:51,800
Cause even If it makes you look
silly.

688
00:40:51,800 --> 00:40:56,300
So what I'm saving my soul, I'm
out of here, I'm saving my soul

689
00:40:56,300 --> 00:40:59,900
and getting really good legs in
the process, right?

690
00:40:59,900 --> 00:41:04,100
Yeah.
Do you have any resources you

691
00:41:04,100 --> 00:41:05,800
would recommend about this
topic?

692
00:41:06,100 --> 00:41:09,700
My number one resource is
fasting praying and reading the

693
00:41:09,700 --> 00:41:11,600
word.
That's the best resource I can

694
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:16,300
give you, and that's the most
secure and safe, you know, that

695
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:18,300
won't that, I know won't change
later.

696
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:22,300
So that's that's it.
Resources that I can trust to

697
00:41:22,300 --> 00:41:26,700
give with this type of atopic is
definitely stick to the word of

698
00:41:26,700 --> 00:41:28,900
God hands down.
Stick to the word.

699
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:32,000
One thing that I always say like
okay if you think that this is

700
00:41:32,008 --> 00:41:35,100
something that's okay to do,
have your scriptures to back it

701
00:41:35,100 --> 00:41:36,900
up.
Tagging scripture to back it up.

702
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,600
Most people, if they can't find,
if you cannot find a scripture,

703
00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:41,200
don't do it.
Don't do it.

704
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:43,900
It's too dangerous for your own
skull is too dangerous for your

705
00:41:43,900 --> 00:41:45,500
own spirit.
It's just too dangerous.

706
00:41:45,500 --> 00:41:47,300
Don't do it.
I mean what you're not going to

707
00:41:47,300 --> 00:41:49,700
lose out on life, you know.
Like come on there's so many

708
00:41:49,700 --> 00:41:52,200
other things.
Don't be overcome by it.

709
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:55,400
But that is a lie that we that,
we believe like that fear of

710
00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:58,900
missing out, you know, like that
fear of, oh, I got to do this.

711
00:41:58,900 --> 00:42:00,900
I want to do this.
No, you don't have to you.

712
00:42:00,900 --> 00:42:03,200
Absolutely don't have to.
If you cannot find a scripture

713
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:09,000
to back it up, don't do it.
Yeah, I mean, when we get a book

714
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:13,700
or something, that's about the
topic of lust or pornography, or

715
00:42:13,700 --> 00:42:17,000
masturbation.
Like, how do we know that's good

716
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:19,100
advice?
Well, we always go back to the

717
00:42:19,100 --> 00:42:22,800
word so it's like, Just start
with the thing that you would

718
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:27,000
cross reference anyway, right?
Yeah, yes.

719
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:33,100
So I do want to recommend a book
called a call to Purity, living

720
00:42:33,100 --> 00:42:38,300
a lifestyle of Purity and that
is by Richard and Brittany De La

721
00:42:38,300 --> 00:42:44,300
Mora and it is on Amazon to buy.
And again, it's called a call to

722
00:42:44,300 --> 00:42:47,700
Purity.
So I don't know if they speak

723
00:42:47,700 --> 00:42:50,500
specifically to any
masturbation.

724
00:42:50,700 --> 00:42:54,600
But I know just the topic of
Purity itself covers, you know,

725
00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:57,200
the masturbation mindset and the
root.

726
00:42:57,200 --> 00:42:59,900
And I do know this couple
personally, I know that they

727
00:42:59,900 --> 00:43:02,400
walk with the Lord.
I know that they are strong,

728
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:08,500
powerhouses in the word of God
and so I can recommend their

729
00:43:08,500 --> 00:43:11,600
book on that.
Okay, great.

730
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:21,700
Well in all of this like when
people are tempted to To take

731
00:43:21,700 --> 00:43:26,300
their sexual desire and then use
it in an immoral way.

732
00:43:26,700 --> 00:43:30,900
It doesn't mean that their
sexual desire is the bad thing.

733
00:43:30,900 --> 00:43:36,400
It's just what they turn to that
would make it bad or good and so

734
00:43:37,100 --> 00:43:40,800
this is can be really hard for
just any singles.

735
00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:46,300
So what advice would you give to
singles to Steward their

736
00:43:46,300 --> 00:43:48,600
sexuality?
Well, in this season of their

737
00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:53,700
life That's a good question and
that's a really good point that

738
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:58,800
you said right there that the
sexual desire is not a saying,

739
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:02,800
it's how you go about fulfilling
that sexual desire.

740
00:44:03,300 --> 00:44:06,000
Because if we didn't have sexual
desire, the world would be

741
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:08,400
populated and God wants people
in the world.

742
00:44:09,700 --> 00:44:13,300
God wants people in the world so
he's the one who gave us that

743
00:44:13,300 --> 00:44:17,300
sexual desire so that his
purpose and His glory could be

744
00:44:17,300 --> 00:44:22,200
fulfilled in the Earth, but it's
about How you go about that

745
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:29,200
sexual desire.
So you know as a single woman

746
00:44:29,300 --> 00:44:33,800
stewarding their sexuality, I
definitely would say, make sure

747
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:40,000
that they heal from whatever
they're hiding heal from the

748
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:43,800
inside with whatever feels
awkward to you heal from that.

749
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:48,100
And what I mean by that is
there's so many wives who I talk

750
00:44:48,100 --> 00:44:50,600
to and they say, you know, when
I was Single.

751
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:54,900
I was told that sex was just so
dirty and so I would just just

752
00:44:54,900 --> 00:44:57,500
hide the thought of sex.
I would just ignore it.

753
00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:01,000
That right there is what you got
to heal from and being single

754
00:45:01,300 --> 00:45:03,300
whatever.
Makes you uncomfortable with the

755
00:45:03,300 --> 00:45:07,000
topic of sex and sexuality,
learn about it, through the word

756
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:11,200
of God, get around wise counsel
and learning about that topic.

757
00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:16,400
Learn also what a godly man is
supposed to be or well if I'm

758
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:20,800
speaking to a woman sorry.
So if it there Single just man

759
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:23,700
or woman.
Learn exactly what it looked

760
00:45:23,700 --> 00:45:25,400
what.
It's supposed to be to be a

761
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:30,800
Godly person, so that when you
are ready to get married, if

762
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:33,000
that is your desire, not
everybody wants to be married,

763
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:38,100
but if it is your desire to have
a spouse, be so committed to

764
00:45:38,100 --> 00:45:43,000
Jesus in your singleness that
you are not that you're not

765
00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:47,900
deceived by somebody who looks
good, but really they're like,

766
00:45:47,900 --> 00:45:53,500
rotten on the core because Can
cause problems in your sexuality

767
00:45:53,500 --> 00:45:58,000
as a married person, develop the
confidence of your sexuality.

768
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:02,900
Now knowing who God says you are
in it, knowing God's purpose for

769
00:46:02,900 --> 00:46:05,900
it, knowing that it's not really
dirty completely.

770
00:46:05,900 --> 00:46:09,400
Exposing the hidden thoughts
that you have about sexuality,

771
00:46:09,700 --> 00:46:13,500
exposed them and address them
with the word of God.

772
00:46:13,500 --> 00:46:16,000
Do it with a group because I
will say that when you are

773
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:19,700
studying sexuality, it can cause
sexual feelings.

774
00:46:19,800 --> 00:46:26,100
It absolutely can and you have
to be honest with yourself in

775
00:46:26,100 --> 00:46:31,300
that and be careful with how
much know your boundaries, don't

776
00:46:31,300 --> 00:46:33,100
study too much.
Don't study too long.

777
00:46:33,100 --> 00:46:36,100
Don't study with the opposite
sex, don't fall into temptation,

778
00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:40,000
don't you know, be very guarded
with what you're studying, but

779
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:45,000
hands down address, what it is
that you're uncomfortable with

780
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:48,600
as far as sexuality.
So that once you are married,

781
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:52,100
you're able to behold.
In that, and you're able to know

782
00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:54,000
what's right.
What's of God, and you're

783
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:57,900
confident and you're not weighed
down by what you were hiding in

784
00:46:57,900 --> 00:47:02,200
your singleness.
Yeah, that's really good advice.

785
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:08,900
Because I I've been married for
almost a year and a half and I

786
00:47:08,900 --> 00:47:14,600
just keep thinking like how
little difference there is in me

787
00:47:14,900 --> 00:47:16,700
as a married person and a single
person.

788
00:47:16,700 --> 00:47:21,100
Because when I got married, the
only thing That changed was who

789
00:47:21,100 --> 00:47:25,300
I was living with and my last
name and like, I'm still the

790
00:47:25,300 --> 00:47:29,500
same exact person.
And so if I didn't start working

791
00:47:29,500 --> 00:47:33,200
on my issues as a single person,
I would have brought every

792
00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:35,200
single one of them into marriage
as well.

793
00:47:35,300 --> 00:47:38,600
Yes.
Yes, if you could leave the

794
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:42,500
listeners with any
encouragement, what would you

795
00:47:42,500 --> 00:47:45,900
just be your final words of
exhortation for them?

796
00:47:48,300 --> 00:47:51,300
That's it, that's good because I
was thinking well if I was

797
00:47:51,300 --> 00:47:54,800
speaking to the married ladies I
would say stay holy and sexy,

798
00:47:54,900 --> 00:48:01,200
you can't, you can do have both
e in the word of God and not

799
00:48:01,200 --> 00:48:05,700
feel shame about that.
But you know I'm actually just

800
00:48:05,700 --> 00:48:08,900
going to this.
It sounds cliche.

801
00:48:08,900 --> 00:48:12,200
It really does but it's so not
and its really what opens the

802
00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:16,400
doors to so many blessings in
our lives that if we could just

803
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:21,900
focus on On what it means to
love God, with all of our heart,

804
00:48:21,900 --> 00:48:26,900
all of our soul, all of our
mind, everyday focus on that, as

805
00:48:26,900 --> 00:48:30,900
well as learning how to love
others, as you love yourself.

806
00:48:31,100 --> 00:48:34,400
If you do those two things,
you're able to fulfill all of

807
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:36,500
The Commandments, just those two
things right there.

808
00:48:36,500 --> 00:48:40,400
Love God with everything in, you
love people as you love yourself

809
00:48:40,700 --> 00:48:43,900
and that's it.
And when you do that, the whole

810
00:48:43,900 --> 00:48:48,700
Bible is in your heart.
Literally, because that is what

811
00:48:48,700 --> 00:48:51,500
Jesus tells us sums up the law.
Oh God.

812
00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:54,200
And that right there is what
opened.

813
00:48:54,300 --> 00:48:59,500
So many doors of blessings of
prosperity, of healing, of Peace

814
00:48:59,500 --> 00:49:02,800
of Joy.
Just those two things right

815
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:05,600
there, unlocked, all of that,
you even sexuality,

816
00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:10,800
surprisingly, even sexuality.
So, love God, with all of your

817
00:49:10,800 --> 00:49:13,800
being every day.
That doesn't mean be extreme.

818
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:16,500
It just means to be in love with
him, being in, love with him,

819
00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:19,200
walk out.
The life with him and love

820
00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:21,200
others.
As you love yourself, and that

821
00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:25,100
right there is like gold to
everybody's life, it will open

822
00:49:25,100 --> 00:49:30,000
up everything for you.
Well thank you so much for being

823
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:32,200
our guest today.
Ashland thank you for sharing

824
00:49:32,200 --> 00:49:35,400
all your wisdom and part of your
testimony with us now.

825
00:49:35,400 --> 00:49:37,300
It's been a pleasure and an
honor.

826
00:49:37,300 --> 00:49:39,200
Thank you so much.
Thank you.

827
00:49:39,700 --> 00:49:40,900
Yes.
And all listeners.

828
00:49:40,900 --> 00:49:44,600
Just know you can go listen to
Ashland's podcast called the

829
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:48,100
spiced wife on.
I think it's On Apple podcasts

830
00:49:48,100 --> 00:49:50,100
and Spotify.
Is it on anything else also

831
00:49:50,100 --> 00:49:51,700
YouTube?
Yeah, it's not.

832
00:49:51,700 --> 00:49:54,700
Yeah, it's on everywhere.
I have a mobile app as well and

833
00:49:54,700 --> 00:49:58,000
so, if you can't find it on any
of those, you can Google, spiced

834
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:01,100
wife, and then it'll like, pull
up all of the different places

835
00:50:01,100 --> 00:50:03,400
on the website as well.
But if you download the spice

836
00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:06,100
wife, mobile app, if they're
too, so it's right there at your

837
00:50:06,108 --> 00:50:07,900
fingertips.
Great.

838
00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:10,400
Oh, thank you so much, Ashland's
has been.

839
00:50:10,400 --> 00:50:16,500
Thank you.
Thank you so much for listening

840
00:50:16,500 --> 00:50:18,700
to this episode of head to our
podcast.

841
00:50:18,900 --> 00:50:21,000
It's a joy to record them and a
joy to have you.

842
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:25,300
Listen, I love hearing from you.
So if any part of this episode

843
00:50:25,300 --> 00:50:28,300
was helpful, go ahead and share
it on your Instagram story and

844
00:50:28,300 --> 00:50:30,700
tag us.
The handle is head to Heart

845
00:50:30,700 --> 00:50:34,800
underscore podcast and if you
would be so kind, leave us a

846
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:37,800
rating and review on Apple
podcasts or our website.

847
00:50:37,900 --> 00:50:39,900
It helps out the show so much
when you do.

848
00:50:40,700 --> 00:50:43,400
We'll be releasing episodes to
you every other Friday.

849
00:50:43,600 --> 00:50:45,700
So stay tuned and thanks for
joining us.