RELAUNCH TEASER: How To Parent Without Fear in a Sexually Broken World / Laurie Krieg

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Welcome back to Head to Heart
Podcast.

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And yes, I really do mean
welcome back because this

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episode that I'm releasing, I
recorded with Laurie Creek.

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This is her third time on the
podcast and I'm not just

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recording this as a one off
episode.

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This is actually your little
teaser into what will be season

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6 of Head to Heart podcast.
It will relaunch in September

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2026 and this is the episode to
just get you excited and warmed

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up for September when we have
regular scheduling going on.

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You'll continue releasing
episodes every other week

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starting in the end of September
going throughout until June of

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2027, which is so crazy to say.
So this is the official

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relaunch.
Please enjoy this episode.

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As I recorded with Laurie Krieg,
she wrote a wonderful book

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called Raising Wise Kids in a
Sexually Broken World and I

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talked to her about that book in
this episode.

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Please enjoy and I'll see you in
September.

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Welcome back to Head to Heart
podcast.

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I'm your host, Jenny Markham.
Today we're bringing Lori Krieg.

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This is her third time on the
podcast, which is so crazy to

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think about because I the first
time I interviewed Lori, it was

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like July 2022.
And now here we are in March

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2026 recording the third one.
And we're recording because Lori

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has written this wonderful
resource.

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It's a book called Raising Wise
Kids in a Sexually Broken World.

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And I, I'm sitting here with my
book that has all my sticky

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notes in it.
And all the sticky notes are

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like, I have to ask Lori about
that.

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I have to reference that.
I have to mark pumper later and

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I need to talk to my husband
about this one later.

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And it's just such a practical,
helpful resource that gives.

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And I'm not just going to say
parents.

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It's like parents and Christians
because we all make disciples,

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gives us hope and confidence as
we go forward in this crazy

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world we live in.
So Lori, take some time to

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introduce yourself or anyone who
hasn't heard those previous two

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episodes and tell us what have
you been set free from?

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Oh, thank you so much, Jenny.
It's great to be back.

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Repeat.
Hey, I'll take my punch card or

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something like that.
Yeah.

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So I have been set free from
Let's think about what theme

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award wants me to focus on
today.

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I think maybe self hatred for
being a Sinner and I like it.

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There's things he's still
setting me free from, but that's

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a big one that I'm like.
I feel like that one is pretty

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OK in the sense that in previous
podcasts we talked about my

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wrestling with same sex
attractions, hated myself,

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thought about ending my life,
thought I needed to come out as

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a lesbian atheist or end it.
And God had me meet with a

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Christian mental health
therapist who really knew God as

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well as therapeutic
interventions and she helped me

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really to understand and
experience like Ephesians 3

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talks about experiencing the
love of God and my boy Tim

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Keller, rest in peace.
He's he says the normative state

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for a Christian is to not
experience the love of Jesus.

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That's normal.
That's why Paul said pray for

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it.
May you experience the love of

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God, though it is so great,
you'll never fully understand

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it.
Show me to like just not just

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know it in my head, but
experience it in my heart and

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that love expels other loves.
It really is like a deeper love.

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It's not just like just say no
to sin.

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It's say yes to deeper love and
it was really letting God love

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even the parts of me that I
hated and needed to surrender.

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It just is so gloriously
uncomfortable to be loved when

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you don't deserve it.
That's some of my story, and

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that's how He's been setting me
free.

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That is a great way to summarize
it.

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That's gloriously uncomfortable.
Right.

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You know what I'm talking about.
Great.

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You're like for real.
He's like for real.

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But I want to like hurt myself
because this I feel so horrible

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and he's like, well, let me hug
you.

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How about?
Exactly.

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So, Lori, this was the verse
that was popping in my mind as I

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read your book.
It was Proverbs 23.

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Verse 24 says the father of the
righteous will greatly rejoice.

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He who fathers a wise son will
be glad in him.

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And I would love if you just
shared a little bit about how

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God invited you into writing
this book because that's what

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you claimed it was.
It wasn't like, I think I have

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some good ideas and I think I'll
write them down.

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It's like God invited you into
this.

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Thank you, Leon.
It's so, like, humbling to talk

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about this.
So I really wanted to write a

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book on identity.
Like, I had a lot of notes on

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that.
And I was sitting there

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journaling and watching my kids
playing on the floor and my

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husband sitting on the couch
just like, I don't know, playing

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Wordle or something.
And I was just like praying.

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And I was like, God, what's
next?

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And it literally was like a
burden from him.

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I was between semesters getting
my masters, our Wheaton.

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And again, like hoping he was
like the identity book.

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Yeah, let's read that.
And he was like, Lori, you see

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your kids, what a gift they are,
huh?

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Like, yeah.
And then he just had me think

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about the last 12 years now of
engaging this human sexuality

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space, primarily teaching
leaders and pastors.

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And he's like, do you see this
gift I've given you?

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You've gotten all this training.
Well, you have your kids.

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And at the time, my oldest was
10 and I've been 10 years in the

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conversation.
And he's like, look at what

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you've been workshopping.
You've been digesting this and

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workshopping it in with your
kids.

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And, and here's the other thing
with this burden.

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It wasn't just like what a
privilege he was like, what have

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you learned in your training?
And I'm like, well, I've learned

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like, you know, purity culture,
this legalism wasn't helpful.

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But then neither is like, you
know, the the liberalism of

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decades ago of like, just throw
a condom at a kid and be like,

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there's your sex talk.
Don't have sex chlamydia and die

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as they quote Mean Girls, right?
Like neither is good.

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And so then the last 10 years,
we've just been ripping apart

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purity culture.
And I'm like, I still have human

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children who are gonna go
through puberty.

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I still have human children who
are sexual creatures because

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they're human.
I'm like, what am I supposed to

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say?
I know what not to say.

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What do I say?
And so that was a burden the

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Lord put on me is like, speak to
the void.

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Speak to the void with what you
know.

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And I was like, OK, not this
much.

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It's the void.
It's it's, yeah.

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I think this book is how to not
just be on the defense all the

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time.
Dude.

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Fear puts us on the defense, but
the gospel puts us on the

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offense.
Yeah, it really does.

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And not in the offense, like
punch your neighbor in the face,

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but offenses and like, oh cool,
God invented this.

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Like he like told us what to do.
It's like remembering that the

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world started off as perfect and
good.

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Yeah.
And then remembering, Oh yeah,

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then sin came in.
We didn't like start out with

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sin and try to make it good.
That's right, Jenny.

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How could this pure, genuine
desire that people have to

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protect their kids end up
backfiring?

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Because when we look out in the
world, there's a lot of scary

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stuff and that we haven't had to
deal with, you know, before the

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last 20 years, before the last
10 years.

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It's all new.
So how could those attempts kind

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of backfire, even though parents
and disciples were trying so

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hard?
There is a term called anti

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fragile.
Nassim Taleb.

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I talk about him.
This is Jonathan Heights anxious

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generation quotes him.
Anti fragile means that there

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are certain things in the world
that are not fragile that

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actually require resistance to
grow.

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For example, your muscles, you
took a little person and you

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just like protected guitar out
of them and they're like, no,

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you don't stand up, you could
get hurt.

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You don't run around, you could
get hurt.

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You don't go outside, you could
get hurt.

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What's going to happen to that
kid?

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You're going to get very, very
weak and it's actually going to

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hurt them.
So the same is true for kids

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when it comes to their souls,
when it comes to bumping into

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the world.
That's how we grow.

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Kids are anti fragile.
They require bumping into the

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world in order to go grow
strong.

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Now the analogy I like to use is
that of trees, that kids need

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good soil like trees, and they
need wind in order to build

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strong roots.
If you don't give a tree wind,

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they're also antifragile.
Don't give a tree wind.

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They'll not fall over from their
own weight.

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Kids need the right amount of
age appropriate wind and good

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pouring in soil or in nutrients
into soil in order to build

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strong roots, but they don't
need a hurricane.

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I think this is what we're
afraid of and we don't always

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know what's like a age
appropriate wind and what is a

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hurricane.
And like when we look at LGBTQ

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stuff, we look at porn, we look
at AI, everything looks like a

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hurricane.
Is it a hurricane?

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Do we need to protect them from
every inch of it?

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Or is there like an age
appropriate way to talk about

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these things that actually
builds their muscles?

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Yeah, when you gave the example
of trees needing wind, needing

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resistance, it just like
shatters any idea that we have,

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like, if I just do this
perfectly, my kids are going to

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be OK.
I I can do this.

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Like if I really just try hard
enough, I will create kids that

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aren't tainted by the world.
And that's just setting yourself

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and everyone else up for failure
around you, even though it comes

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from like the best intentions.
Yes, what if I can add one more

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thing?
Another concept I talk about

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throughout the book and video
series that I've done, I talk

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about all the time is the
anchoring bias is that we, the

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1st place we learn about
something becomes the gold

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standard in the anchor to which
we compare everything else we

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hear about that something.
But like, let's say we don't

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talk about sex.
Let's say we don't talk about

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LGBTQ.
Let's say we don't talk about

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porn.
We don't talk about any of it.

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I'm like, I don't know if that's
going to help them.

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Your kids will run into it
somewhere.

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They're going to run into it.
It's going to be on the Internet

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when they're 18 and they
actually get a smartphone.

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It's going to be on the
playground.

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It's going to be with a cousin.
It's going to be somewhere.

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And then whatever they hear out
in the world is going to become

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the anchor.
And then everything else they

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hear about that, even if it's
from you later, is going to be

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compared to that.
So that's not cause for panic.

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That's just cause for
encouragement.

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Focus on courage is like hey
parents, bite the bullet and

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start saying some age
appropriate things because I

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want it to be through imperfect,
beautiful you instead of the

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world.
And I felt like you took a lot

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of pressure off of people by
saying it doesn't always have to

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be 1 huge long lecture
conversation.

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This moment you have to nail
perfectly.

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It's like these tiny little
conversations that just happen

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along the way of life.
Yes, Jenny, it's so true.

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It's really that helps me, that
helps me yesterday, that helps

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me today where I'm like, OK, my
goodness, this was a weird thing

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that they saw and I've already
talked about it and I'm tired

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this minute, but we can have
this much of a conversation.

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We'll talk about it later, like
little bit of it.

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It's great.
That takes the pressure off from

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having to be on all the time and
just just say, I can say one

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sentence about it in this moment
and then we can follow up later.

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Get it girl.
That's the layers of soil layer

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layer layer, little bit at a
time.

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So what are some practical ways
that we could try to explain

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broken sexuality to our kids
without being explicit?

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You know, it depends on the age,
but let's say you're driving in

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the car and, and you see rainbow
flags outside of a church, you

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know, and your kids are like,
what is that?

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What's up with that?
Yeah, so let's let's give an A

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drink.
Let's say your kids are like

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469, OK, in that moment, because
usually you got like a gaggle

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and they're all in various ages.
Hey.

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And you couldn't even bring it
up.

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They either say it or you bring
it up.

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She's like, OK, this crazy lady
on this podcast told me to talk

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about this.
I'm going to be the anchor.

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Come on, wind.
OK, you're going to be like,

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hey, have you noticed that or.
Oh yeah, isn't that a pretty

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flag?
You know that flag stands for?

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And this is my basic version
that I actually say in real

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life.
There's other things you can say

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again on our video series,
different things, other people

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say different things.
What I say in real life is, hey,

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that that means that boys, do
you know what some boys like?

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Like other boys or heart eyes
them.

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That's what we say in our house.
Or like, because it's like crush

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on want to marry.
Like if there's just some of

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these verbs, whatever verb your
family understands, use that

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00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,880
one.
Do you know that some boys like

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like other boys?
What?

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00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,120
Yep.
And or girls like like other

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girls.
Yeah, I was like, so that flag

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means that that's what we affirm
and believe.

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Now people listening who are
like, no, I believe in God's

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sign for marriage and I just
wear the flag because I want to

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be an ally.
That's another conversation.

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This kid is 4.
So we're going to do basic one O

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1 here and you.
So what I would say then is, you

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00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,120
know, so I start with the
question.

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What I just did was answer the
question, What does that mean?

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00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:45,160
Means boys hard eyes each other
or or hard eyes other boys.

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I have a crush on them or girls
do answer the question.

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00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:50,920
Next thing, compare it to God's
good design.

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Keyword is good because when we
focus on the negative and the no

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and the theology of no, not only
is that not how the Bible is set

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up, it starts with a yes.
Then there's the distortion.

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We're supposed to look through
the distortion to what's the

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good and focus on the good.
Not only is it how the Bible's

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written, that's how our brains
are wired.

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Our brains are wired for
positivity.

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Our brains are wired to learn
with a theology of yes, it makes

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us like open up, be creative and
be able to understand.

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And when we explain the why,
this is a series on

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authoritative parenting.
When we explain the why

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underneath something, our kids
actually follow the rules

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00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:30,320
better.
You can listen to them.

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00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,440
You can have this dialogue, but
when you explain the why, they

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00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:35,200
actually follow better.
OK, so answer the question,

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what's God's good design that is
not?

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And in our country, you could
say people can get married to

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each other.
You could say that if it's a

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00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:47,200
marriage conversation, but you
could say, but that's not God's

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00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:50,240
design.
God wants marriage to be between

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00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:55,120
a mommy and a daddy, two people
whose bodies are different, two

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people who are different
keyword.

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00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:01,400
There's different because when
mommies and daddies love each

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00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:04,360
other, even though they're so
different, they show you a

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00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:08,040
picture of how much God loves
you even though he's so

289
00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:12,160
different from us.
That's Ephesians 532 yo.

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00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:15,160
That's like, this is a picture
of God's love for the church.

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00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:17,880
That is what marriage is.
So that's the basic thing.

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00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:20,040
And then the third step, So
answer the question compared to

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00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:21,920
God's good design, The third is
how do we love?

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00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:26,760
So this is for your kids who are
like, oh, our neighbor, that's a

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00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:30,080
girl married to a girl.
They're not following Jesus and

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00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,440
they're like ready to run over
there and we'll tell them that

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00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:35,800
they're not following Jesus.
I've talked to parents.

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00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:38,680
Those kids do this.
So this doesn't have to be in

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00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:41,320
this like 1 chunk of a
soliloquy.

300
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:43,960
They're going to get bored, but
it could be later.

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00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:48,240
Like, and how do we treat people
who heart eyes each other, boys

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00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,080
to heart eyes boys.
You might talk to people or see

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00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:51,320
people.
If you know someone that's your

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00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:54,200
uncle, that's your cousin,
they're struggling with that.

305
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:58,080
All right, I'm going to give you
that one more.

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00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:01,200
Sorry, I'm, I'm, I'm running on
here, Jenny, But here's another

307
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,520
piece of this conversation
because I think it's really

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00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:08,240
helpful to have as a tool in
your toolbox.

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00:17:08,599 --> 00:17:12,880
Is this language of struggling
because the how do we love our

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neighbor?
People have been asking me

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00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:16,119
lately to like talk more about
that.

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00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:21,040
What's the point of that?
Part 3 is I don't want my kids

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00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:25,000
to be a little self-righteous
judgmental poop stains.

314
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I really want them to be lovers
of God and lovers of their

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00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:36,960
neighbor which which we are
supposed to judge other

316
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:39,280
Christians.
What's judge mean eye to eye,

317
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,120
heart to heart.
I don't want them to be

318
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:44,480
judgmental look down on people.
So this is a little like, let me

319
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:48,480
give you this for whomever needs
it, language we use around our

320
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:53,360
house and the how look we love
section is they are struggling.

321
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:57,240
Some people struggle, your
cousin, your neighbor with like

322
00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:00,280
liking other girls or like
liking other boys or boys

323
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:03,360
looking boys.
But we all struggle with things,

324
00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:05,040
don't we?
Yeah, we do.

325
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,440
What do you struggle with?
Son, daughter.

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00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:10,000
We all go around the horn and we
all say what we struggle with.

327
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:13,200
Literally we say it and they say
and what are we supposed to do

328
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:16,440
with our struggle?
And this is a conversation we

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00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:21,760
have on the regular in our home
apart from rainbow flag.

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00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:25,000
What are we supposed to do with
our struggles?

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00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:29,280
We're supposed to take them to
God and have our family help us.

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00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:32,240
Our family help us is like
another word for community.

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00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:36,160
What a beautiful picture of what
Christians are supposed to do

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00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:37,480
is.
We struggle with stuff and we

335
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:41,520
take it to community and to God.
Now, our friend, our neighbor,

336
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:44,400
our uncle, our cousin, they're
not doing that.

337
00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:47,560
No, they're not.
So we're going to love them and

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00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:50,280
pray for them.
We're going to say, how are you

339
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:53,440
not?
You're going to hell or

340
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:56,680
anything.
We're going to love them and

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00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:59,320
pray for them to go and love
Jesus just and bring their

342
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:03,080
struggle to him, just like we
want to bring our struggle to

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00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:06,360
Jesus.
So I could have just said 5,

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00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:08,320
like you said, can be little
bite sized things.

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00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:11,120
I could have been five different
conversations, but that's the

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00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:13,520
section.
Those are the sections to having

347
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,520
a conversation with your kids
about people who don't walk in

348
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:18,720
the way of Jesus.
Well, that's.

349
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:22,440
Great, because I can definitely
picture young kids going like,

350
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:25,080
well, why not?
Well, but why?

351
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:29,760
Well, but why is it a mommy and
a daddy or but, but why not?

352
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:31,880
And those are honest good
questions.

353
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:35,760
I think that little kids just
model that so well for us as

354
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:39,320
curiosity.
And so if we're not afraid of

355
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:42,680
those questions and we're
prepared, even if it's in just

356
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:45,120
little bite sized chunks, you
like give a bite sized chunk,

357
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:47,120
then you go study, do some
research.

358
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:50,480
And then you go.
Back with another bite sized

359
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:55,600
chunk even that.
So you talked some in your book

360
00:19:55,600 --> 00:20:01,760
about these key ways.
Well, the main statistics that

361
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:06,400
say these are the five things
that usually produce kids that

362
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:12,080
graduate and then eventually
continue in their faith and one

363
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:16,960
of those things that that
promotes their faith being the

364
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:21,000
most sticky to them.
Is creating a team of a of

365
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,000
trusted adults around them that
also disciple them that's not

366
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:28,680
just their parents?
And yeah, I wanted you to talk

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00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:32,840
about how to create this team of
people because a lot of people

368
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:36,040
just feel like they're doing
this all alone and it's all up

369
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:38,480
to them, and if they fail, then
everyone's screwed.

370
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:42,000
So what would be your
encouragement of creating a team

371
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,920
of trusted adults around your
children?

372
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,120
OK, start with prayer for
railsies.

373
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:50,240
Start with praying like God,
Hey, I read hear this research.

374
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,880
I read this.
You care about my kids more than

375
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,800
me.
These are actually your kids and

376
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:56,400
I'm just stewarding them.
So start there.

377
00:20:56,440 --> 00:21:00,040
Prayer's not nothing is a great.
It's like all of it's glue.

378
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:04,800
So then I think what's so hard
is 'cause like, I know the

379
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:08,840
sexual abuse stat, we can freak
out about people trying to groom

380
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:14,240
our kids slowly and patiently
get to know other adults.

381
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:17,320
That could be an aunt, an uncle,
a godparent, a cousin, you're

382
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:21,120
close to, a sister, a
sister-in-law, a neighbor who

383
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:24,840
has like, you know, I talk about
this idea of like trust marbles.

384
00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:28,480
You know this like there's this
metaphorical jar that shows up

385
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,240
when you meet another person and
they when they walk in the way

386
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:34,120
of Jesus, they are dependable
and they do both for a long

387
00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:35,840
time.
They like get a little marble in

388
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:39,760
the jar of trucks.
People who have a full trust jar

389
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:43,200
between you and them and you see
them acting in a way that like

390
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,280
resembles Jesus.
Just start including them in

391
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:51,920
your family stuff and then kind
of get awkward a little bit.

392
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:55,440
Like at some point you're gonna
be like, I really appreciate you

393
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,320
and it seems like you appreciate
us and our family.

394
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:02,560
I love if you're willing, you
know, to have conversations with

395
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:05,240
us, to talk to my kids.
I read this research.

396
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:08,880
Any chance you're willing to
reach out to our kids and just

397
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:12,400
say it in a like, OK, when our
kids are little, 'cause it's

398
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:15,320
like, well, you're not having
adults mentor your little kids.

399
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:19,720
I'm not.
When they were 9 and under, I

400
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:22,880
was praying for these people and
I was inviting them into our

401
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:27,080
real family life, dinner, life
building, putting in the trust

402
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:29,200
marbles.
And then now, like my oldest is

403
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:31,400
11.
There's been a couple of times

404
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,400
in the last two years I said to
one girl, Cassie, who I talk

405
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:39,760
about in there.
I was like, listen, Cassie, some

406
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:44,000
point my kids, my girls are
going to think I'm Christ and

407
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,680
think I'm the worst and I need
you.

408
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:50,480
Will you be willing to just talk
to them?

409
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,040
Sometimes and they don't want to
talk to me, and I have.

410
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:54,960
Mom is not totally crazy all the
time.

411
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:59,200
That's what I said, like mom is
not actually a psycho witch and

412
00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:03,600
she loves Jesus and you, you
know, so it, it hasn't come to

413
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,440
that yet.
We're not in like teenager

414
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:08,800
fights, but they're having
sometimes like where my oldest

415
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:10,160
is like, I don't talk to you,
mom.

416
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:13,440
And I'm like, I hear you.
Would you like to talk to?

417
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:16,080
And I named like my sister who's
their aunt who lives on the

418
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:20,080
street or Cassie.
And she wanted to talk to Kathy

419
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:23,240
and I like had to fight.
You know, there's a little bit

420
00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:25,000
of like, oh, no, I'm not good
enough.

421
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:28,360
Like just shut that noise down.
And then I had to fight the

422
00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:30,440
like, oh, I want to hear every
single detail.

423
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:33,720
And I was like, no, trust it.
Like let them have a

424
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:36,080
conversation.
And I do really trust Kathy.

425
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,240
So that's how it's begun.
And that's like where we're at

426
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:43,200
right now, 11, very chill.
And it sounds like these would

427
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:46,520
be the type of people that like,
of course you don't need to know

428
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:50,120
every detail, but if there was
something serious.

429
00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:52,920
And trusted one people.
That would tell yes.

430
00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:55,240
That's and that's what I've
said, like if it's something

431
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:59,000
that's like a real, hey, it was
hard for me to like even say the

432
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,520
specific line, like if it's harm
to herself or someone else, of

433
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:05,320
course, tell me.
If it's, you know, something

434
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:09,680
that she would see like a 7 to
10 on the like Richter scale of

435
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:13,520
Sirius, she would tell me.
So it's just hard though to make

436
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:17,560
that line, isn't it?
Of course, and you obviously

437
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:20,680
don't want to like promise to
keep secrets before you know

438
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:25,160
what they are.
You know, I mean, I'm thinking

439
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:29,360
of, like, people in my life that
it's like, just such a beautiful

440
00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:33,800
way that no matter what your
calling is to be single or to be

441
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:36,680
married, whatever God's calling
you to, it's like we work

442
00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:40,000
together.
We can't do this by ourselves.

443
00:24:40,360 --> 00:24:45,760
And I find who is single, and
she's, like, my oldest favorite

444
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,360
person in the world.
My oldest is only two years old,

445
00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:51,360
But oh, my gosh.
Loves Mackenzie so much.

446
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:53,840
Yeah.
I love that.

447
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:57,560
Mackenzie's this person that's
like, I just know you're so

448
00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:01,160
trustworthy.
And it's, it's so beautiful

449
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:03,680
because it's not like I just
asked her to babysit.

450
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:09,840
It's like she's involved in our
life and we go on prayer walks

451
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:14,440
every week and this is so fun.
My daughter learned to say the

452
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:17,200
word Amen because of Mackenzie.
What?

453
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:19,400
It's her favorite word.
It's like.

454
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:20,760
That's so.
Cute, right?

455
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:22,400
She goes.
Amen.

456
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,520
Oh, Danny, that's really sweet.
So.

457
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,880
And it was just like, oh, I
don't know if she would have

458
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:32,800
caught on to the word Amen so
fast if she wasn't, like,

459
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:35,080
joining us in her stroller on
prayer walks.

460
00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:36,160
Yeah, it was.
Really.

461
00:25:37,360 --> 00:25:40,320
So good.
And you mentioned the phrase

462
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:44,160
like entrust our kids to the
Lord because He loves them more

463
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:49,160
than we do, which I know in my
head is totally true, but it

464
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:53,760
also sounds a little cliche.
But it's only cliche because

465
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:57,960
it's completely true.
But what does it look like in

466
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:01,520
some practical sense to entrust
our kids to the Lord?

467
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:05,200
Like genuinely believing He
cares for them even better than

468
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:10,960
we do?
Like it's in those fear moments,

469
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,680
so you're picturing whatever
you're picturing.

470
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:18,760
And it's like, I don't know, but
I can't.

471
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:20,520
It's like I can look inside of
my heart.

472
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:22,920
I'm like, what are my hands
doing with my kids?

473
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,000
And I see them like gripping
them so tight.

474
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:29,920
And some of that's good Mama
bear, like mama's sheep sort of

475
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:33,360
instinct.
But it's like the eyes of my

476
00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:38,680
heart have to see be like giving
them to Jesus being like Lord,

477
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:44,680
you hold them and you actually
hold all of us better than I can

478
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:49,200
because just me and my kids,
like that's terrifying.

479
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:54,840
But when I see him like I've got
them and I've got you, that

480
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:59,360
helps me.
I don't know, it's like I feel

481
00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:03,160
more serious about my parenting
and I also feel more chill at

482
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:08,880
the same time.
Like, OK, I have a, a gift here.

483
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:14,040
I'm also not ultimately like
responsible for it all.

484
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:19,200
I gotta just steward this
imperfectly.

485
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:24,240
Yeah, stewardship is a feels
like a very different concept

486
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:29,840
than ownership.
Ownership it's like truly only

487
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:33,560
on your shoulders.
Yeah, stewardship is like I am

488
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:38,200
returning this someday.
Yeah, it's so true.

489
00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:44,000
It's so true.
There might be some some people

490
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:46,960
out there who have like, I have
really messed up.

491
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:51,080
Like is it too late?
I'm not doing this right now.

492
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:54,480
My kids already 14.
What am I going to do?

493
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:58,080
What encouragement would you
give any parents who like lay

494
00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:01,320
down at night wondering if
they're doing any of this right?

495
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:06,520
Oh, every parent feels that.
So like the film series I was

496
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:09,920
talking about that is similar to
the book called Raising Kids.

497
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:11,960
Go to centerforfaith.com You can
find it there.

498
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:15,240
We interviewed John, Mark Homer,
John Tyson, Jackie and person

499
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:19,280
parent Kirk Thompson every like
Christian famous people.

500
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:21,920
Every single one of them was
like so insecure about their

501
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:25,960
parenting and I'm not kidding,
not like 1000%, but they all

502
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:28,520
were like, Oh my gosh, like I'm
still like figuring this out.

503
00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:30,760
No, my word is such like a grace
gift of God.

504
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:33,920
It was so encouraging to me as a
mom to be like, no one is

505
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:38,160
nailing this.
Everyone feels like they need

506
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:40,400
Jesus.
And I think that's kind of the

507
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:45,120
point now if you're like, no,
like legit Laurie, my kid 16 and

508
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:47,280
they're addicted to porn and I
never gave him a sex talk.

509
00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:52,400
Here is the facts that is going
to be harder for you than if you

510
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:55,040
had started talking about this
when they were 78910.

511
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:58,880
Well, it is going to be harder.
It's just truth.

512
00:28:58,880 --> 00:28:59,960
They're already addicted to
porn.

513
00:28:59,960 --> 00:29:02,360
They're already looking at stuff
they've already done things like

514
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:06,840
that's true.
What's also true is that God's

515
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,720
grace is sufficient and his
power works best in our weakness

516
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:15,600
and that he can redeem anything.
So it maybe harder.

517
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:17,680
I just keep thinking of my
daughter the other day she

518
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:20,560
waited until the very last
minute to do a huge project for

519
00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:23,080
school.
And I was like, I did remind you

520
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:29,240
about this like 6 times today
and here we are now is this, is

521
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:31,560
there grace for you starting at
this at 8:00 PM?

522
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:34,880
At that time there sure is
grace, but is this gonna be

523
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:37,080
harder?
It's gonna be harder.

524
00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:41,320
So I think that's OK to like say
out loud is that maybe this

525
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:43,840
wasn't wisdom, but is God's
grace enough?

526
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:46,600
Absolutely.
So after I just said that I

527
00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:48,680
could just tell there could be
some toxic shame, little self

528
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:51,800
hatred, no self hatred.
That's not the thing.

529
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:58,400
It's shoot, Lord, OK, I feel
conviction, which is a pinprick.

530
00:29:58,400 --> 00:29:59,840
This is the thing we need to
work on.

531
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:04,680
Toxic shame is self hatred.
Conviction is a pinprick and

532
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:09,120
godly shame is weightiness is
like I feel the weight of this.

533
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:11,840
So feel weightiness, feel
conviction.

534
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:16,600
And then God's top top name is
Redeemer in my book.

535
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:18,880
And so let's just giddy up and
start talking.

536
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:24,800
I think you also mentioned Becky
Kennedy who's AI think

537
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:26,360
psychologist.
And.

538
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:30,560
She talked about how repair is
the most important thing.

539
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:34,960
And I remember watching, I think
Becky Kennedy did some Ted talk

540
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:37,800
that I watched.
And I remember crying as I

541
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:45,160
watched that, Ted, because he
gave an example of, like, just

542
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:48,360
think, oh, you don't think your
apology is going to go a long

543
00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:51,200
way.
Let's imagine your parents

544
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:53,920
calling you on the phone,
mentioning, oh, there was

545
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:57,000
something in your childhood that
I did wrong, and I just wanted

546
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,600
to apologize for it.
Everyone in the whole audience

547
00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:03,040
gets weepy.
Oh, yeah.

548
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:08,760
An apology and repair does go a
very long way, even more than we

549
00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:10,600
realize.
It does.

550
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:14,680
It does statistically,
psychologically, like truly just

551
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:17,200
it's huge.
I know I think about that with

552
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:18,640
my parents.
They're almost 80.

553
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:21,360
Anytime they've apologized for
things they've done when they

554
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:26,640
were younger, it's it ministers
to my soul and it gives me hope

555
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:31,960
as another imperfect mom.
So do you have any last

556
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:36,440
encouragement, little pep talk
for anyone who not only has kids

557
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:40,320
of their own, but also who are
just discipling others?

558
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:48,000
Yeah, it makes sense that we
don't know how to lean into this

559
00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:50,400
void.
We started this conversation

560
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:53,720
talking about the void that we
weren't trained.

561
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:56,880
Like not only is there like a we
ripped apart purity culture, but

562
00:31:56,880 --> 00:32:02,600
like only 8% of us got a good
sex talk, five, 8%.

563
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:06,560
And so we don't have the muscle
memory from our parents.

564
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:10,320
We don't have the cultural
memory from the church, whether

565
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:15,200
or from our liberal upbringing.
We don't our muscle memories

566
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,640
broken at best.
And then we've got our own

567
00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:21,880
addictions and stories.
So we don't, we don't know how

568
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,480
to do this, but God does know
how to do this.

569
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:29,280
And it starts with us.
I mean, I keep talking about

570
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:31,960
prayer, but like going before
the Lord and just talking to him

571
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:33,200
about it.
I don't know what I'm doing.

572
00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:36,480
Jesus help me.
And like the three things I've

573
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:40,400
been thinking about, pray, study
and wing it.

574
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:44,200
Pray, study, wing it and do that
like 1000 times until you die

575
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:46,480
and like say I'm sorry and I
forgive you.

576
00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:50,880
Make her 1000 more times.
Your kids will be fine.

577
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:56,560
Yes, it is just pray study.
Like there are resources because

578
00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:58,920
it's not just a matter of like,
OK, well, I don't know.

579
00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:00,840
And so whatever, I'm going to
punt this.

580
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:01,960
I'm never going to talk to my
kids.

581
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:04,880
No, that's not it.
There are resources.

582
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:08,360
So whether it's mine or another
one, like find out how can we

583
00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:11,520
talk about porn and gender and
sex and puberty, like at a

584
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:16,240
minimum puberty, but hopefully
the whole gamut and these little

585
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:20,200
ways, these little 1100 minute
or 101 minute conversation.

586
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:25,440
So pray, study, wing it and then
as single friends in particular,

587
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:29,080
like we stinking needs you.
And if you're studying too and

588
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:31,640
you're learning the same
language as us as parents, like

589
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:35,960
what a blessing because as much
as we look sometimes like we got

590
00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:38,640
it together, we do not have it
together.

591
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:42,240
No one has it together.
We're all struggling.

592
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:45,320
We're all going to bed being
like, goodness, I just failed

593
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:49,400
another day and good night.
Let's hope I wake up and ask

594
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:50,920
Jesus for more grace because
he's got it.

595
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:53,720
But truly, none of us, none of
us feel like we're nailing it.

596
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:56,360
So we need you.
Please help.

597
00:33:56,960 --> 00:34:00,280
And then I'm sure we can help
with all whomever you're

598
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:04,640
disciple to with our own.
Yeah, let me just say that for

599
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:08,360
20 more seconds is the single
friend I mentor and walk

600
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:11,120
alongside who walks inside me.
It's really fun to, like,

601
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,960
compare to.
And they're discipling people

602
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:16,880
and I'm parenting and they're
also like walking with my kids

603
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:19,239
home.
And it's just like the metaphors

604
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:22,360
back and forth where it's like,
oh, yeah, I can see that.

605
00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:25,400
Like, oh, God uses the metaphor
of parenting to talk about

606
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:27,679
discipleship.
It's just we need each other.

607
00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:31,120
And that just takes a lot of
pressure off.

608
00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:33,120
So it's not on all on your
shoulders.

609
00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:37,360
And I feel like you writing this
resource, you know, it is a

610
00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:40,360
literal resource that is like,
here's evidence you're not

611
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:44,880
alone.
And then also this book in like,

612
00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:49,960
shows you how to create that
community right where you're at

613
00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:53,560
and be equipped.
And so, yeah, I just thought I

614
00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:57,760
felt like this book took so much
fear out of the equation.

615
00:34:57,760 --> 00:35:01,520
And then, when we remove fear,
we can be who were truly created

616
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:03,800
to be.
Yes, that's so good.

617
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:05,480
That's good, Jenny.
Yes.

618
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:09,160
Thank you so much for coming on
for 1/3 time, Laurie.

619
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:11,440
It was an honor.
Thank you so much for writing

620
00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:13,880
this book.
Where could people get this

621
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:15,840
book?
And then you also mentioned your

622
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:17,280
video.
Teaching.

623
00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:21,280
Yeah.
So the video series is Center

624
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:25,080
for faith.com.
Just look for Christian

625
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:29,360
sexuality colon raising kids.
It's the raising kids series.

626
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:31,960
You can always DM me on
Instagram will send it to you.

627
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:35,920
You can also ask me questions on
Instagram and then you can find

628
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:38,160
our raising wise kids is the
book.

629
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:40,560
You can find it on Amazon.
Yeah.

630
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:44,880
And it's such a colorful cover,
too.

631
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:47,480
Yeah.
Little kids just love looking at

632
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:49,760
it.
Oh, that's so cute.

633
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:54,320
Oh, I love it.
Thank you so much for coming on

634
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:56,800
1/3 time, Lori.
You're so welcome, Jenny.

635
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:59,320
Sorry.
God bless.

636
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:00,840
OK, I'll.