June 23, 2023
TOP #1: Same-Sex Attraction Meets The Gospel: How To Respond, Love & Care For The LGBTQ+ Community ft. Laurie Kreig
There are so many questions about gender and sexuality demanding answers in our culture today. Does the Bible affirm same-sex marriages or not? What do you do if you're just not attracted to the opposite gender? Who do you talk to about your same-sex attraction? What should you say when your sibling comes out? How should the church respond to the LGBTQ+ community? Laurie Krieg is an author, speaker, and host of Hole In My Heart podcast whose mission is to train the church with a Gospel-centered approach to gender and sexuality. She shares her story of experiencing same-sex attraction from a young age, yet feeling unsafe to talk about it in any church setting. After graduating from a Christian university, her life was interrupted when she encountered God's love. In this episode, Laurie explains: - how God designed the mystery of marriage to be - how to be a safe person - why we should not compare our different brands of sexual brokenness - the advise she would give her 22 year-old self & anyone else who is struggling with same-sex attraction - that God loves LGBTQ+ people just the way they are Resources: Website - https://lauriekrieg.com/ An Impossible Marriage by Matt and Laurie Krieg - https://www.amazon.com/Impossible-Marriage-Mixed-Orientation-Taught-Gospel/dp/0830847936/ref=sr_1_1?crid=32EIQ3FAD5SYH&keywords=impossible+marriage+krieg&qid=1641316967&sprefix=impossible+marriage+krieg%2Caps%2C87&sr=8-1 The Center for Faith, Gender, and Sexuality with Preston Sprinkle - https://ondemand.centerforfaith.com/ Hole In My Heart Podcast - https://open.spotify.com/show/7lanhpj9eRbEoVpt13G7dI
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Welcome to head to Heart
podcast.
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I'm your host Jenny Markham.
This Bi weekly podcast is
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designed to be a safe space to
admit where we truly believe in
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our hearts.
There's a huge difference
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between having biblical
knowledge floating around in our
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heads and actually believing
that it's true.
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Until God's truth makes its way
into our hearts.
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Nothing changes will be doing a
mix of solo episodes and
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interviews with friends.
Those who have experienced the
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freedom that comes, when head
knowledge becomes heart.
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Knowledge will talk about
overcoming lies in our
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relationships, mental health
struggles and the way we see
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ourselves, the truth will set
you free so that you can walk
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every day in the freedom.
God desires for you.
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It's time to let go of those
pressures insecurities and
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burdens.
That's not yours to carry.
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Thanks for joining us.
Welcome back to head to Heart
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podcast.
I'm your host Jenny Markham.
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If you're listening to this
episode, thank you so much for
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tuning in today.
I have a guest here with us, and
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I'm going to let her introduce
herself, but I am so thrilled to
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be sharing this episode with all
of you listeners.
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So we have Lori Krieg with us
today, Lori.
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Why don't you go ahead and
introduce yourself?
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Tell us a little bit about what
you do, who you are.
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And maybe a fun fact.
Aw, thanks.
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So much Jenny.
So nice to meet you and your
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audience.
So glad you guys are here.
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Yeah.
I want a Ministry called
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impossible Ministries and I'm a
podcaster also, although we're
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taking a break this year and I'm
a speaker, and I'm a writer and
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I'm currently getting my masters
at Wheaton and praying about a
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doctorate.
I don't know.
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That's jury's out on that one,
but the mission of our ministry
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and our podcast and pretty much
everything I say.
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To is to equip the church with a
gospel centered approach to
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marriage and sexuality.
We wrote that mission years ago
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and I feel like I just keep
learning more and more about
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each word of it, and it just
grows in deepens in my own heart
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and life.
So, yeah, I've been doing that
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since 2015 and married for 13
years.
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I have three little kids who Who
are seven, six and three and
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huge hundred-pound saber.
Don't say, Bernard Labradoodle
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are Labrador.
No poodle.
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We're the labrador come from.
I know things.
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I should definitely get that
doctorate.
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And I am a fun fact is I'm one
of 12 kids.
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So my mom and dad birthed.
Well, my mom birth First, 12,
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humans who look and sound enact
similar to me and I am the ninth
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oldest.
Wow.
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I had, that's crazy.
I now write did when they would,
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like, talk about the younger,
the younger kids, did they like
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group you in with the youngest
three?
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And they're like the babies or
the younger ones.
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So it's kind of like because
there's 12 if you divide by 3
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Well by four, there's three
different families and pretty
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much.
So the oldest for four girls and
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there's the middle for and then
I so I'm technically you know,
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birth order books tend to stop
at about number four.
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Okay.
So like but I act like an oldest
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firstborn so I'm like the oldest
of the youngest group.
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So yeah, yeah the older the I
think they call us like the
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youngers who I don't know,
whatever they call us, probably
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the privileged ones.
That's a good fun, fact.
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Well Lori.
I just want to ask you what have
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you been set free from?
That's a good question.
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I have been.
Wow, that's hard to put in the
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past tense, isn't it?
Yeah, because it's an ongoing
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process.
Yeah, I think one of the biggest
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things I'm in the ongoing
freeing journey of is to be set
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free from self-hatred.
You can also categorize that is
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shame or toxic shame.
I think God is really setting
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and it's in the process of
setting me free from self-hatred
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after I graduated college.
So I was 22.
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I was really wrestling with huge
decision of was I going to come
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out as a lesbian atheist and I
say atheist.
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Cuz I actually believed what the
Bible said about marriage, I
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just didn't think I could live
it out without wanting to die.
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So I was either going to come
out as a lesbian atheist and I
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say lesbian because I've been
attracted to the same sex since
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I was young.
I am married to a man.
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Now feel free to Circle back.
And ask about that.
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How that happened later because
it's a good story.
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But I was and still am attracted
to women again.
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Still, well married to a guy but
I didn't know how to live that
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out.
There's I didn't have congruence
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between my mind, heart and body
and spirit the my Theology.
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And what I was really
experiencing inside of myself
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and so it's either going to kill
myself or come out.
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And I prayed in that moment, God
if you Get me through this.
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Would you help me to be a voice
of Hope and encouragement for
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even one other person?
And I honestly like that wasn't
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like I have an idea.
I'm going to tell this story on
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a podcast in 15 years, that
wasn't in my head.
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It was, I have no idea if I'm
going to make it through this
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and there was no no books out
yet, like, Wesley Hill.
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My friends like Preston
sprinkle, or You know, Jackie
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OPEC.
Nobody was talking about this
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yet.
Nobody was like saying, oh yeah,
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you could experience this and
still follow Jesus either.
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They, it was like, you're either
gay and you find a wife or
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you're not in your straight.
So this was 2008 or you become
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ex-gay.
That was a thing.
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So it's basically like you go
from gay to straight and I was
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so baffled.
You guys, my dad was a pastor at
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that time and I was like, The
annoying Christian leader.
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Girl on my Christian campus,
like the one that did all the
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stuff that was me.
And I was I was very sincere
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about it too.
Like I wasn't like I'm gonna
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perform.
It was truly.
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I loved God, the best, I knew
how.
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And so I was pretty baffled, you
know, I wasn't chasing after
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these same-sex desires.
It just would kind of be, like,
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flickering thought growing up,
and I tried dating Guys and it
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just never understood why I
didn't really want to get close
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to them at all.
And then I met another Christian
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woman who felt the same way
about me as I did about her.
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And I found myself in a secret
same-sex relationship, and the
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fissure in my soul was brutal.
And I hated myself as we're
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talking about self-hatred.
And I felt as if I deserved it.
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I mean you'd hear this this was
in the era of what I call porn
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and pancakes.
What is corn and pancakes just
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bear with me?
Okay, so early 2000s there was a
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good I always say good it seems
like it was really helpful Kind
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of Revolution where with the
dawn of the internet a lot of
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guys discovered pornography and
got addicted to it.
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My And now, that was his story
starting at age 11.
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I know a lot of women wrestle
with that etcetera.
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Okay.
But early 2000s, there was a
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movement going around from
churches where they're like,
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let's talk about porn addiction.
Let's call it.
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Let's make it sadly.
So guys want to come.
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So let's make Saturday, morning
porn and pancakes.
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While pancakes, we're going to
talk about our pornography
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addiction.
Oh, my just get real.
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Yeah, I'm not kidding.
That was everywhere.
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There's lots of time.
Come on.
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He's up front and I'm grateful.
I really am.
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But I will be honest.
It was so brutal to be sitting
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in the Pew or rows of chairs
that are stackable as I was at
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with a Church Plant.
It'd be, it was so brutal to
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hear.
Elders, pastors, share their own
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stories of recovering from or
experiencing maybe even ongoing
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progress the addiction
heterosexual.
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Biography diction.
And then the next sentence could
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be.
Oh, that's so gay or total
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abject discussed, lgbtq people.
So, sexual Brokenness, and
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sexual Brokenness, right?
It's like, we're comparing
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apples and apples, right?
But for some reason, mine was
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worse than theirs.
And here I was lost in wanting
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to die going to church every
week hearing sermons about
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idolatry and how we did.
Surrender, these things we put
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before, God and recognizing, my
girlfriend was this Idol.
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That I was unwilling to let go
of because in a lot of ways, she
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felt like she scratched the itch
of my heart.
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And so I was looking for a safe
place to land.
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I was looking for somewhere for
someone to tell me that the
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self-hatred, I felt inside
wasn't what was the right cure
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quote-unquote.
I don't believe in a daycare.
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I'm just saying that's what I
felt like, I deserved because I
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was wrestling with what I felt
like was the worst then.
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So there I was wrestling with
that and I graduated from
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college and I was on my own.
I was a newspaper.
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Reporter I got it.
Journalism degree and I was
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like, I can do whatever I want.
He'll like I'm not I'm not a
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Christian College anymore, I had
broken up with my girlfriend, I
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tried dating.
This one guy and I was like, I
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really my heart connected to him
and then we broke up and it was
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as if we never dated I was like,
24/7.
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A girl is what I need.
And I start seeing a therapist
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who, because of me Suicidal
ideation.
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One of my friends was like,
yeah, you should probably not
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want to kill yourself.
That's like, that's fair.
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That's a good idea.
Smart.
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So I start seeing her and gods
will had it.
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That she was not just a
therapist, she was more like,
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Dumbledore Yota.
Jedi Master of spiritual
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amazingness.
Now she wasn't actually
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Dumbledore.
She wasn't actually magical, but
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she just isn't new God, ever
meet those people who you like,
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it seems like they're floating
so holy that was her but she
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didn't come off the way.
It also didn't hurt that, she
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was like 61 and very tall and
knew, and loved God.
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And she started using language.
That was so helpful for me, in
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my, self-perception to remove
some of that shame and
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self-hatred.
First of all, if you study any
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of Kurt Thompson's work, the
soul of Shame, the antidote to
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shame or self-hatred is to have
to be seen in your mess and
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loved in your mess.
That's what God did in the
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garden with Adam and Eve.
They were hiding.
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And he's like, where are you?
And he didn't ask, where are you
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because you lost them?
He's God.
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Like he's looking for them.
And so here's Adam and Eve and
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it was like, why are you hiding?
We were shamed because not
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because of the sin, they did but
because of their nakedness, they
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didn't have to feel that same
until they felt this whole body
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self-hatred that God.
He saw them in their mess and he
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called him out, he sought to
them.
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Carolyn, that was my counselors.
Name.
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She sought me out and she didn't
talk to me about Leviticus 18 or
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20 or First Corinthians 6 or
Romans want or any of the other
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homosexuality quote-unquote, you
know, clobber passages.
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She started using heart
language.
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And she'd ask me questions like
Lori, when you envision the
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ideal.
Perfect woman.
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What are you hoping for?
I was like gasp, no one's ever
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asked that before.
No, and it feels awkward to say,
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I actually don't even know what
I'd say.
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Like it's gonna be an awkward
like sexual words.
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I'm about to say and I was
shocked because the words that
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came out of my mouth were not
sexual in nature at all.
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They were heart words.
I want to be seen and known and
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loved.
And I have been looking for
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being seen, no one in love.
Since I was a little kid and our
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parents.
Ideally are the perfect
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00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:28,300
representation of God who see us
and know us and love us just as
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we are and show us.
God, they're the perfect
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00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,300
reflection of God, but of
course, they're in perfect.
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I'm imperfect as a parent now.
But I was like, she was like,
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those are good needs Lori.
You're just looking in the wrong
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place.
Now the right place was not to a
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dude.
And I also said to her and my
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00:14:54,900 --> 00:14:59,900
sassy self they State.
They said well the answer
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00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:03,100
shouldn't isn't going to be
Jesus because I've tried him and
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he doesn't work and she said,
well, it is Jesus.
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And it was Jesus, of course,
he's the answer.
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Ideally, our parents are these
perfect representations of God
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who see us and know us and love
us but they can't ever scratch.
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Those issues of our heart.
We call them these this hole in
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our heart Augustine.
Referred to it that he said, you
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made us for our yourself.
O Lord, our heart is restless
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until it rests in you.
And so we have these good needs
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inside.
It's not always okay to say that
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you're needy.
It's not how we usually.
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Okay, to say I want to be
chosen.
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I want to be safe, I need to be
safe.
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I want to be sought, but we all
go to the wrong places and we
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all have barriers between these
good needs of our heart.
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00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:03,900
And the need neither of our soul
needs barriers are trauma, their
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sin.
We've done.
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They're just things, we've
learned in correctly.
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And so Carolyn my counselor, she
really helped me to remove some
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00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,900
of those barriers between the
good needs of my heart and the
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00:16:16,900 --> 00:16:21,500
need M of my soul and that did
not take me from gay to straight
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00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:26,100
but it really did make room for
God's.
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Love more of his love.
I actually experienced it.
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00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,600
Actually I like I usually say
like that's when I fell in love
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00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:39,500
with Jesus and as such an eye
Rowley sentence but true It
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00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:42,100
isn't like the best.
I know how to say it.
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00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:47,600
Like, I was like, oh my word,
I'm looking for Jesus, like, are
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00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:50,400
you kidding me?
The whole time?
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00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:55,900
Yeah, he can actually scratch
the edge, even though it's not
253
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permanent.
Like that's, that's Heaven.
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00:16:57,900 --> 00:17:01,200
Talk that we will experience,
but we could have these glimmers
255
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of it now.
And so, if Asians three talks
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00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:09,700
about what his love does, so
then you'll be filled with the
257
00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:15,800
fullness of life and power that
comes from God, when you know
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this love that surpasses
knowledge.
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So it fills us, his love fills
us with his power, his power for
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what I would argue it's the
empowers US to die to self to
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not just my same-sex, desirous
default, but also my
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00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:40,200
perfectionism default to to feel
OK by being perfect to feel OK
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00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:44,900
by performing enough to feel.
OK, by trying to be one of the
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00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:48,400
best kids of The Twelve.
Tell me siblings.
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00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:58,000
So that really helped me.
To remove the self-hatred and
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00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:03,000
again, it's in process but to
feel empowered enough to know.
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00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:07,400
God loves me right now.
When those pastors, say things,
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when there is the hypocritical
statements and sentences.
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00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:17,100
I am loved by God, now the
opposite of homosexuality or
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same sex.
Desire is not heterosexual
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00:18:19,900 --> 00:18:25,800
desire.
Its It's Jesus completion in
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00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:29,200
him, so I wasn't interested in
men.
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00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,200
So it wasn't a matter of me
being like, men versus women.
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It was a matter of like this is
what I'm drawn toward this.
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00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:39,100
Seems like it's going to scratch
the itch of my heart and I
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00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:45,400
realized, she couldn't.
Women can't men can't either.
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00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:50,000
But then that's another question
over his old, in a way that men
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00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:53,200
and women in marriage.
Why am I married to a dude now?
279
00:18:54,700 --> 00:19:00,800
Really the way I see the world
from my world view is, we are
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00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:04,000
all created for an intimate
relationship with Jesus.
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00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:10,000
We all have broken sexuality and
some of our defaults are toward
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00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,200
the same sex and we get to
surrender those.
283
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:16,800
And some of us who are attracted
to the opposite, sex is we have
284
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:20,600
to surrender that and we all
need to ask the Lord Jesus.
285
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:24,300
What do you want with my life?
What are you?
286
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,900
What do you want with my life?
It's not.
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00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,000
Can you help me find my person?
It's what you got for me.
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00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,400
Jesus!
Mmm.
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00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,900
And so he's got this kingdom of
God thing that he's doing.
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00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:39,500
He wants us to be a part of it.
And so, married and single.
291
00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:43,100
Those are equally valuable
modalities or modes.
292
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:47,600
We can fulfill the mission to
make disciples Equally valuable.
293
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:53,300
Thank you might be saying, oh
well I really sense the Lord the
294
00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:56,800
way he wants me to mode and this
is what I start sensing.
295
00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:01,200
So I married to a guy, the mou
that he wants me Lori, not
296
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:04,800
everyone liked me, he could have
called me to single this, but he
297
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:07,900
wants me to fulfill the mission
to make disciples as a married
298
00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:12,300
woman and I go, all right, well
then what's marriage.
299
00:20:13,700 --> 00:20:15,600
It's not like a oh it's too
dude.
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00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,000
It's what.
All, what is it why is it to do?
301
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:23,500
And this is where the second
half of my story comes in which
302
00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:26,300
I won't elaborate on, but you
guys can read about it in our
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00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:29,400
book, my husband and my book
impossible marriage.
304
00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:33,400
We are married almost ended
about seven years in because I
305
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,200
really had to confront the
Theology of marriage.
306
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:38,400
Why is it male and female
marriage?
307
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:41,900
I'm a little confused.
If you start talking to anyone,
308
00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:46,700
who's married gay straight,
especially straight marriages in
309
00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:49,400
the church.
Many of them are hurting very
310
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:54,200
deeply and I Confused.
You know, if you're like a lot
311
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:59,800
of the language you here is like
the old ball and chain, you
312
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,100
know, you really want to have,
isn't it?
313
00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:05,000
Hilarious, how you want to have
sex before you get married, but
314
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:09,900
then, you get married and oh my
gosh, she just hate them like
315
00:21:10,700 --> 00:21:14,100
truly.
That's, that's a lot of the
316
00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:19,600
jokes, is I roles so where I had
to look?
317
00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:22,400
Sure.
Sure sure you can look up you
318
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,900
know Leviticus 18:22
blahblahblah Romans 1 First
319
00:21:25,900 --> 00:21:30,100
Corinthians 6 which matter
against prohibitions against
320
00:21:30,100 --> 00:21:31,400
same-sex marriage but I was
curious.
321
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,900
Why is it?
What's the yes of marriage?
322
00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:36,100
This is what I think everyone
needs to ask.
323
00:21:36,100 --> 00:21:39,200
If God is calling you to
marriage, what's marriage about
324
00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:41,900
and this to me is the strongest
argument.
325
00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:47,400
For God's sign for marriage is
Ephesians 5:31 32.
326
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:51,600
For this reason a man shall
leave his mother and father, and
327
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:54,400
the two shall be United to one.
This is a profound mystery.
328
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:56,000
I'm talking about Christ and the
church.
329
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:02,000
So, male and female.
United into one, what's the
330
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:05,800
mystery?
What's the mystery?
331
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:07,800
Well, okay mail.
It is it is it that men and
332
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,500
women fall in love and it's just
a mystery.
333
00:22:10,500 --> 00:22:13,800
I don't know.
Boo-boo on the nose, they just
334
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:17,700
fall in love and I feel like
yeah, I'm very confused about
335
00:22:17,700 --> 00:22:19,200
that.
Tell me about that mystery.
336
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:25,700
Please for someone like me.
So guys, know the mystery is the
337
00:22:25,700 --> 00:22:28,500
illustration of Christ.
In the church.
338
00:22:28,500 --> 00:22:30,700
Hold up.
I never heard or I never
339
00:22:30,700 --> 00:22:32,700
understood this.
If I heard this growing up, I
340
00:22:32,700 --> 00:22:33,800
did not.
Understand it.
341
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:37,300
So I'm a throw it out for you
all listeners and you dear Jenny
342
00:22:37,300 --> 00:22:39,900
and K.
So you haven't heard, this is
343
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:44,100
men and women are called if
they're called some marriage.
344
00:22:44,100 --> 00:22:46,700
It's supposed to be male and
female because it's an
345
00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:51,000
illustration of the way Christ
and the church are one, how
346
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:56,100
different are men and women
pretty different.
347
00:22:56,400 --> 00:23:02,400
So they're pretty different but
how different is God from the
348
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:03,400
church.
Church.
349
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:08,300
But like ontologically
different, it says, in Ephesians
350
00:23:08,300 --> 00:23:10,600
1.
He is far above every ruler,
351
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:13,300
power and authority.
Not only in this life, but in
352
00:23:13,300 --> 00:23:17,100
the life to come, it doesn't
Isaiah 58 that he lives in
353
00:23:17,100 --> 00:23:20,000
eternity.
What the heck does that even
354
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:26,200
mean?
Get rid of the whole Arc plot of
355
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,100
the Bible, from the beginning,
there's a marriage in the end.
356
00:23:29,100 --> 00:23:32,400
There's a marriage.
Is this is Christopher West says
357
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:35,700
this, T is a Pope, John Paul the
second Theology of the Body
358
00:23:35,700 --> 00:23:39,400
student.
He says, the whole Bible can be
359
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:43,700
summed up in this one.
In three words, four, words God
360
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:50,500
wants to marry us.
Marriage is a picture of the
361
00:23:50,500 --> 00:23:55,900
Gospel.
When my kids ask me, why is it,
362
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:57,800
why can't two girls marry each
other?
363
00:23:59,700 --> 00:24:04,100
I say, well, they can legally I
said but it's not God's best
364
00:24:04,300 --> 00:24:09,300
because when Mommy and Daddy
love each other we show you a
365
00:24:09,300 --> 00:24:14,000
picture of how much God loves
you.
366
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:21,000
Marriage is a metaphor.
It's a gospel picture in our
367
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:25,600
neighborhoods, in our homes and
in the grocery store of how very
368
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,100
different we are from each
other.
369
00:24:27,100 --> 00:24:32,900
How very different God is from
us, but how he will, he will and
370
00:24:32,900 --> 00:24:37,200
wants to marry us.
So, this is why it's such a
371
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:41,300
significant question and why it
matters is, it's not, you know,
372
00:24:41,300 --> 00:24:44,300
well it's not Adam and Steve,
it's out of it, not without any
373
00:24:44,300 --> 00:24:48,500
of its kind of know, it's, if
we're choose saying yes, to
374
00:24:48,500 --> 00:24:50,500
marriage.
Gay straight or otherwise.
375
00:24:50,500 --> 00:24:54,000
However you identify however
your your broken sexuality is if
376
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,400
you're saying yes to marriage
then I believe you're saying yes
377
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:59,800
to an opposite-sex marriage.
What you're saying yes to a
378
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:07,700
gospel picture that's not Yeah,
I love that because it's it's
379
00:25:07,700 --> 00:25:12,400
like sometimes the question
that's going through our heads
380
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:19,100
is like who am I attracted to?
But that's not necessarily the
381
00:25:19,100 --> 00:25:22,600
key question.
It's it's like what what did God
382
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:28,100
designed marriage to be like?
Yeah yep and then those
383
00:25:28,100 --> 00:25:30,700
attraction questions can factor
in you know?
384
00:25:30,700 --> 00:25:34,900
Like it can be a part but I
don't think they should be the
385
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:36,500
primary.
Mary Park.
386
00:25:36,700 --> 00:25:44,200
It's yeah, we've really lost.
I think a lot of the theological
387
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:46,700
beauty of marriage in my
opinion.
388
00:25:46,900 --> 00:25:52,200
Mmm, that's a beautiful picture
of what the actual like key
389
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:56,800
question is, and that's not
exactly.
390
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,800
That's a question that people
are wrestling with just
391
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,000
everywhere in the states right
now.
392
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:07,500
It's obviously legal to marry
someone of the The same sex, but
393
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,700
Christians are there on
different sides.
394
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:14,300
There are Christians who are
affirming of that?
395
00:26:14,300 --> 00:26:16,900
And there are Christians, who
would say, they don't believe
396
00:26:16,900 --> 00:26:24,200
that's what the Bible meant, but
as you just wonderfully, put The
397
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:29,700
design of marriage has to be man
and woman and it's to primarily
398
00:26:29,700 --> 00:26:32,200
look to Jesus whether you're
called be married or single.
399
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:41,100
So, if someone is comes out as
gay or or transgender or
400
00:26:41,100 --> 00:26:43,900
bisexual or however, they're
identifying their self or
401
00:26:43,900 --> 00:26:47,200
struggling with same-sex
attraction, what do you think
402
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:54,200
that the church's response needs
to be Oh man, nothing but love.
403
00:26:56,600 --> 00:27:00,100
I mean, I recently posted and
I'll say this when I speak and
404
00:27:00,100 --> 00:27:03,700
I'll say we love songs that come
on the radio that say things
405
00:27:03,700 --> 00:27:10,800
like you love me just the way I
am and we love to sing that
406
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:16,300
about ourselves.
As we consider our own pet sins,
407
00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:24,300
can lgbtq people saying that
just as much as we anyone can,
408
00:27:24,500 --> 00:27:26,900
as you can, can I sing?
That too.
409
00:27:27,500 --> 00:27:29,900
Now the pushback will get within
one point.
410
00:27:29,900 --> 00:27:32,000
Two seconds is yes, but God
loves us enough.
411
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:35,500
Not to leave us there.
I hear you people.
412
00:27:36,300 --> 00:27:41,100
I know but let me reference for
you.
413
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:48,100
The last several decades, I grew
up over hearing all the war on
414
00:27:48,100 --> 00:27:51,300
marriage talk.
There's a war on marriage.
415
00:27:51,300 --> 00:27:54,700
This was during Moral, Majority
80s and 90s and if you are
416
00:27:54,700 --> 00:27:58,100
younger than 25, You might not
have grown up without, but maybe
417
00:27:58,100 --> 00:28:00,300
you did.
But it was basically a lot of
418
00:28:00,300 --> 00:28:03,800
talk about the quote-unquote
homosexual, agenda is going to
419
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,300
destroy America.
Unlike murder babies in their
420
00:28:06,300 --> 00:28:11,900
cribs, that was the essence of
it and I grew up with that as a,
421
00:28:11,900 --> 00:28:15,400
not straight kid.
I heard that on the radio and do
422
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:19,500
you think I felt safe to share
my anything?
423
00:28:20,300 --> 00:28:22,600
Absolutely not.
Nope, no.
424
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:26,200
And this suicidality rate of
lgbtq kids.
425
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:32,300
Two to four times more likely
and 41% of trans people are more
426
00:28:32,300 --> 00:28:38,100
likely to attempt, suicide 41%,
like one out of two.
427
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:42,700
That's too much.
So here's when I share
428
00:28:42,700 --> 00:28:46,100
statistics like that, something
that Grieves my heart and my
429
00:28:46,100 --> 00:28:50,500
spirit is there's like a third
layer of people's Consciousness.
430
00:28:50,500 --> 00:28:53,200
I'm not assuming this about your
listeners now, but I was some
431
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,900
people's Consciousness when they
hear the suicidality right to
432
00:28:55,900 --> 00:28:58,300
self.
Hatred rate, etcetera.
433
00:28:58,300 --> 00:29:03,500
The self-harm is they think?
Yeah, well, they're Sinners.
434
00:29:04,100 --> 00:29:09,300
Don't they deserve it?
And I implore you, if that's
435
00:29:09,300 --> 00:29:11,800
something that's going on in
your own head, as you're
436
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:15,500
listening or someone, you know,
is raise your hand if you
437
00:29:15,500 --> 00:29:20,800
deserve life.
All have sinned and fallen short
438
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,500
of the glory of God.
And so, I would say, the first
439
00:29:23,500 --> 00:29:29,900
thing we need to do is Love
people where they are as they
440
00:29:29,900 --> 00:29:32,600
are.
I wished.
441
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:38,100
That I could have at least heard
more of the ground is level at
442
00:29:38,100 --> 00:29:42,800
the foot of the cross in that
people at from the pulpit would
443
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:49,200
share here is some list of sins,
lgbtq stuff porn stuff and
444
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:53,100
really like put it on the same
playing field.
445
00:29:53,300 --> 00:29:55,300
I actually would help me feel
safe to name.
446
00:29:55,300 --> 00:30:00,400
My stuff is sin, but put it on
the same plain film and ask your
447
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:03,300
sin.
So love, we love.
448
00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:08,200
Everyone the same and then when
he talked about Sin included, if
449
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:10,600
you're talking about a sermon,
don't not include it, but also
450
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:13,900
don't isolate it right?
And this is the worst one.
451
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:17,300
It doesn't help me feel safe.
If you don't say, it doesn't
452
00:30:17,300 --> 00:30:20,200
help me feel safe.
If you do only say it, I want to
453
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:23,200
hear all the sexual sins if
you're if it's the sexual sin
454
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:29,300
sermon, let's get em all and so
I think that's a huge thing and
455
00:30:29,300 --> 00:30:34,200
then I, you know, I do out seven
our talk and a two hour Or talk
456
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,600
on how to be safe.
But I'll say one other thing is
457
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:38,900
I would encourage you to use the
language of the day.
458
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:46,100
And so instead of demanding, you
know, people, I use your
459
00:30:46,100 --> 00:30:51,000
language being missional.
If you were to fly to a foreign
460
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,600
country and didn't speak their
language and you jumped out of
461
00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:56,100
the airplane and you screamed,
you need to know Jesus.
462
00:30:56,700 --> 00:30:58,800
Mmm.
Yeah, I don't think that go
463
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:02,900
over.
Well, I would encourage you to
464
00:31:02,900 --> 00:31:05,700
speak.
The language in order to earn
465
00:31:05,700 --> 00:31:11,700
the relational currency or
Equity to be able to speak at a
466
00:31:11,700 --> 00:31:16,000
heart level.
So those are my two things love
467
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:21,100
and speak the language.
I feel like what you said makes
468
00:31:21,100 --> 00:31:26,200
so much sense and that like
let's take if you're you know
469
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:29,800
just being a safe place for a
friend sometimes.
470
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:35,000
You know, if someone says, well,
I'm struggling with making out
471
00:31:35,008 --> 00:31:37,900
with my boyfriend too much or we
have bad boundaries, you're
472
00:31:37,900 --> 00:31:41,500
praying, make yourself like
available to talk whenever they
473
00:31:41,500 --> 00:31:43,400
want.
Like how can we set these
474
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:45,100
boundaries?
Yes.
475
00:31:45,300 --> 00:31:48,200
And how they're doing?
But maybe, on the other hand if
476
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:52,800
they were like I am attracted to
women and I'm a woman, you know
477
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:54,000
sometimes?
Yeah.
478
00:31:54,100 --> 00:31:57,600
I feel like we need to prove
like that is wrong but there's
479
00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:00,700
no need to to shove that in
their face right there.
480
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:02,600
And this is not the place for
it.
481
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:08,100
Yes, yes that's so good.
I will say, if a doubt switch it
482
00:32:08,100 --> 00:32:11,700
out, if you really like have
some big issues with lgbtq
483
00:32:11,700 --> 00:32:15,400
stuff, switch it out in your
mind, don't say it out loud for
484
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:18,300
a sin.
You can more easily understand
485
00:32:18,300 --> 00:32:21,800
and empathize with, hmm.
So, what if this woman was
486
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:24,200
sleeping with her boyfriend?
How would I talk with her?
487
00:32:24,700 --> 00:32:28,400
Oh, like a normal person?
Yeah.
488
00:32:28,500 --> 00:32:30,300
Yeah.
What am I talks?
489
00:32:30,300 --> 00:32:33,900
I'm like, I say that like least
five or six just be a normal
490
00:32:33,900 --> 00:32:36,500
human doesn't talk.
That's good question.
491
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:42,100
Yeah, yeah, that's so good.
So let's say there are people
492
00:32:42,100 --> 00:32:45,200
listening who are in that same
boat as you were when you were
493
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:50,400
22 and they're just like what
advice would you give them if
494
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:53,500
you were talking to?
Let's say yourself as a 22 year
495
00:32:53,500 --> 00:32:57,400
old coming out of college.
Yeah one advice that I give her.
496
00:32:57,500 --> 00:33:01,700
Oh my word.
I probably just sit with her and
497
00:33:01,700 --> 00:33:08,200
just cry for a while at how
misunderstood she feels and is,
498
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:12,300
and how lonely and isolating
this spaces.
499
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:18,200
And then I would say, you know
what, a lot of people do really
500
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:23,200
stink at this conversation,
you're not wrong and I really
501
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:25,300
want to try and be a safe place
for you.
502
00:33:26,100 --> 00:33:29,000
Will you please help?
Teach me and tell me if I say
503
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:32,800
something wrong?
And will you help me to to hear
504
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:38,800
you?
I was dying almost literally for
505
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:43,500
just someone to hear me and to
just put all the questions on
506
00:33:43,500 --> 00:33:47,600
the table and sort through it.
Then want to argue on to think.
507
00:33:48,900 --> 00:33:51,900
And I and people were so uptight
and anxious.
508
00:33:51,900 --> 00:33:55,800
They were unwilling to pause
there.
509
00:33:56,400 --> 00:34:01,500
Truth swords daggers to just
hear me.
510
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:07,200
So I would really listen, which
there's a Harvard study that
511
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:11,300
says, if you simply listen to
people who are in completely
512
00:34:11,300 --> 00:34:17,800
opposite ends of you in your
beliefs, that I think it
513
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:22,199
decreases, Anxiety and helps
them to actually come to even
514
00:34:22,199 --> 00:34:26,800
your side a little bit more by
like 46% song, a 40 and a 41:46
515
00:34:27,100 --> 00:34:28,699
just listening.
Wow.
516
00:34:29,199 --> 00:34:32,300
Calms the down them down.
Instead of being like I love you
517
00:34:32,300 --> 00:34:36,300
but I don't you know, it like
you were saying just be normal.
518
00:34:36,300 --> 00:34:39,500
So I think empathy sitting next
to and then.
519
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:41,000
All right, let's throw it on the
table.
520
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:43,500
Let's look at this together.
What do you think about this?
521
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:49,100
Okay, I'm going to switch tracks
a little bit here and I think I
522
00:34:49,100 --> 00:34:54,800
wanted to include this because
it's becoming more and more of a
523
00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:59,400
prevalent topic to talk about,
and we know that it's becoming
524
00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:02,500
illegal in certain States.
It probably will become illegal
525
00:35:02,500 --> 00:35:07,600
in more states in the future.
But I wanted to know about your
526
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:11,800
thoughts on conversion therapy.
First of all, could you define
527
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:13,700
what that is for any listener?
Who is not familiar?
528
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:16,800
Earlier with it, sure conversion
therapy.
529
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:20,100
I think different people will
Define it differently but
530
00:35:20,100 --> 00:35:22,700
essentially, the way I
understand it is, you are trying
531
00:35:22,700 --> 00:35:29,200
to convert someone from gay to
straight and this happened a lot
532
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:31,900
in the 80s 90s.
There's like a lot of promises
533
00:35:31,900 --> 00:35:35,800
of straightness when I was
Googling things even in the
534
00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:38,000
early 2000's.
That was a lot.
535
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:41,100
It was like, here's all the
testimonies of people who are
536
00:35:41,100 --> 00:35:43,600
snorting, crack and sleeping
with the same sex, and then
537
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:47,500
they, He became straight and you
Christian hey Greg Johnson's
538
00:35:47,500 --> 00:35:51,500
book, still time to care.
Greg Johnson, he talks about the
539
00:35:51,500 --> 00:35:54,500
history of that.
It's really valuable valuable
540
00:35:54,500 --> 00:35:59,500
book.
And I think there was a, let me
541
00:35:59,500 --> 00:36:02,500
know if you've seen this, there
was a Netflix documentary.
542
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:05,500
Oh yeah, it was called pray
away.
543
00:36:05,900 --> 00:36:10,000
Yeah, trying to get away.
If you see that Rogers, I
544
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:13,800
couldn't watch it.
I was in a rough emotional state
545
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:17,600
but I read a lot about it and
Julie I've met her Julie Rogers
546
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:21,800
several times as she's kind of
walked, she's like kind of the
547
00:36:21,808 --> 00:36:26,900
star of that documentary.
I've Walked and walked the
548
00:36:26,900 --> 00:36:30,800
followed her journey from, you
know, shoot the Exodus.
549
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:34,600
So, that was an ex-gay movement
to being at Wheaton and she was
550
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:37,800
side B, which means she
identifies as gay but holding to
551
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:40,900
a traditional view, then she
became a firming and then she
552
00:36:40,900 --> 00:36:43,100
married your wife.
So if kind of watched her.
553
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:48,500
Okay, so watching that
documentary I can you came out
554
00:36:48,500 --> 00:36:53,100
last summer that was the first
like exposure.
555
00:36:53,100 --> 00:36:57,100
To what conversion therapy was?
I We know this was a thing but
556
00:36:57,400 --> 00:36:59,500
it was talking specifically
about exodus.
557
00:36:59,900 --> 00:37:03,600
Yes and how harmful that was.
And I was like, oh my goodness,
558
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:08,100
is this like still going on?
Are there Street like this?
559
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:12,700
So what are your thoughts?
Do you think that conversion
560
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:17,100
therapy is biblical at all?
Oh, yikes.
561
00:37:17,100 --> 00:37:25,200
No I I don't I I think it is
there like that.
562
00:37:25,300 --> 00:37:28,400
The ant, some of the arrows of
it, it would like, from what
563
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:30,700
I've heard.
Now, maybe this is only Legend
564
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:33,500
at this point but from what I
understand, I was even like,
565
00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:37,300
layers of shock therapy, like
they would have you watch porn
566
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:39,100
either gay or straight, I can't
remember.
567
00:37:39,100 --> 00:37:41,600
But try and like, shock you out
of your gayness.
568
00:37:41,700 --> 00:37:44,500
So that seems, like, I don't
know evil.
569
00:37:46,500 --> 00:37:51,300
So I, I used to ask the Lord to
change me.
570
00:37:51,700 --> 00:37:55,700
I don't know if I know any gay
people who didn't have a None of
571
00:37:55,700 --> 00:38:00,000
that at least like who grew up
in the church and then I
572
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:01,800
realized it was a waste of a
prayer.
573
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:05,000
I don't need to become straight
as that's.
574
00:38:05,100 --> 00:38:06,700
I don't know anyone who's
straight.
575
00:38:06,700 --> 00:38:10,500
I've never ever met you like so
you are you praying to never be
576
00:38:10,500 --> 00:38:12,900
tempted in that version of
sexuality again?
577
00:38:12,900 --> 00:38:15,000
Like, where in the Bible?
Does it say you're never going
578
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:19,400
to be tempted ever again?
Never, it's when you are
579
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:21,500
tempted.
God will provide a way out, so
580
00:38:21,500 --> 00:38:25,600
you can stand up under it.
So, if I became a raging
581
00:38:25,700 --> 00:38:28,400
heterosexual, my husband
wouldn't love that.
582
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:33,800
He would be like, well, ah,
these guys now, like that's
583
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:36,100
somehow better.
Do I want?
584
00:38:36,100 --> 00:38:41,200
I want my sexuality to be
submitted to the lordship of
585
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:46,100
Christ, that's my prayer.
It's and then if he's if he's
586
00:38:46,100 --> 00:38:50,200
called you to marriage, whatever
your default Brokenness is of
587
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:55,200
your sexuality, then ask the
Lord to make you one with your
588
00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:59,800
spouse so that you are a
beautiful gospel picture.
589
00:39:00,900 --> 00:39:05,500
To both your spouse and yourself
as a world of how much God loves
590
00:39:05,500 --> 00:39:10,100
you and them and everybody.
So I really think it's a waste
591
00:39:10,100 --> 00:39:12,900
of a prayer.
I'm so I think I think
592
00:39:12,900 --> 00:39:18,300
conversion therapy is fruit of a
marriage idolatrous World.
593
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:22,500
Wow, it's yeah.
That makes a lot of sense as you
594
00:39:22,500 --> 00:39:27,500
put it like that but yeah it is
only focusing on literally what
595
00:39:27,500 --> 00:39:30,100
we can see, not on the other
side of you.
596
00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:33,700
Eternity at all.
Yep, it's just focusing on who
597
00:39:33,700 --> 00:39:36,700
you marry right now.
Conversion.
598
00:39:36,700 --> 00:39:42,100
Therapy is fruit.
Yes of a marriage idolatrous and
599
00:39:42,100 --> 00:39:46,700
sex-obsessed world.
We, yeah, we are like what you
600
00:39:46,700 --> 00:39:48,500
need to find them attractive.
Why?
601
00:39:48,500 --> 00:39:50,500
Because that's what your life is
about.
602
00:39:50,500 --> 00:39:53,500
Is making Christian babies and
tithing and dying.
603
00:39:53,700 --> 00:39:56,500
Hmm.
Yeah, at all, it's about the
604
00:39:56,500 --> 00:39:59,400
kingdom of God and he may
actually want to honor.
605
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:04,500
You may get more glory to God
through your daily submission,
606
00:40:04,500 --> 00:40:07,600
of your version of bro.
Sexuality, then if you're the
607
00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:09,600
straightest person, all day
every day.
608
00:40:10,300 --> 00:40:14,800
Yeah it's that's not the point
of life, such a cheap and boring
609
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:19,500
life to focus on only sexuality.
Well I'm glad we square that
610
00:40:19,500 --> 00:40:22,600
away.
It is not biblical in my
611
00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:27,400
opinion, most experts in this
field would agree.
612
00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:34,700
Yeah, so if we have that, okay,
this doesn't align with what the
613
00:40:34,700 --> 00:40:38,100
Lord is.
Leading Believers to live by.
614
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:43,100
Is it at all, in any way,
helpful or do they have any,
615
00:40:43,100 --> 00:40:47,600
like technically successful
stories of?
616
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:51,500
Yeah, it actually did work.
I mean, again, Greg Johnson is
617
00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:54,300
still time to care.
He'll quote, some things if you
618
00:40:54,300 --> 00:40:59,700
want like a nice summary of some
of the quote-unquote research,
619
00:40:59,700 --> 00:41:06,400
but it He all to borrow.
My dad's words hogwash, like it
620
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:09,800
really hits.
The research is shoddy and and
621
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:13,800
then anecdotally, I've talked
with hundreds of submitted to
622
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:19,100
Christ lgbtq people who identify
as SSA or same-sex attracted or
623
00:41:19,100 --> 00:41:22,800
lgbtq.
At some level I do have not yet
624
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:26,700
met someone gone from gay to
straight like and because even
625
00:41:26,700 --> 00:41:29,900
if they say they do ask them.
So you never struggle with lust
626
00:41:29,900 --> 00:41:31,800
for the same sex.
Yes, I do.
627
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:36,500
Okay, so you got great light and
then again, won't be the next
628
00:41:36,500 --> 00:41:37,400
question.
Oh good.
629
00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:39,500
So you struggle with less toward
the opposite sex?
630
00:41:39,500 --> 00:41:41,700
Like and then we say what?
Good job.
631
00:41:42,300 --> 00:41:44,900
Congratulations scratch.
Like what?
632
00:41:45,900 --> 00:41:49,000
What is that conversation?
That makes a lot of sense.
633
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:58,100
So Lori if people listening want
to do more research or dive into
634
00:41:58,100 --> 00:42:02,500
the word themselves, are there
any Resources that you would
635
00:42:02,500 --> 00:42:06,500
recommend about this topic.
Any aspect of it to Artisan?
636
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:12,600
Yeah, I think I'm good starting
point is Center for Faith.com.
637
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:15,400
That's my friend.
Doctors Preston.
638
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:18,100
Sprinkle and Greg Coles and some
other friends there.
639
00:42:18,100 --> 00:42:21,500
I'm on the board of directors.
They're so full disclosure, but
640
00:42:21,500 --> 00:42:24,200
it's just a really solid not
cheesy.
641
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:28,400
And like, weird, I don't know,
just where you get a bad Vibe
642
00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:30,700
and maybe you may, you may buy
badly.
643
00:42:31,100 --> 00:42:33,300
But it's just theologically
grounded.
644
00:42:33,300 --> 00:42:35,800
You can look up his pastoral
papers if you're like, okay.
645
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:39,000
Well, what about pederasty?
I thought it was just like, you
646
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:42,300
know, all these arguments that
you here look up, you know, 15
647
00:42:42,300 --> 00:42:44,800
reasons for the affirming View
and 15 responses.
648
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:47,600
If you want to look up specific
arguments back and forth from
649
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:49,900
with that, you're affirming
friends, or you yourself may
650
00:42:49,900 --> 00:42:52,600
have feel free to read them but
he's really gracious and its
651
00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:56,000
tone and tries his best to
engage this.
652
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:59,900
Well, you can also check out our
podcast again, Ron a Hiatus this
653
00:42:59,900 --> 00:43:02,400
year.
It's called hole in my heart
654
00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:04,900
podcast.
We've interviewed everybody, a
655
00:43:04,908 --> 00:43:08,000
lot of people who are in this
conversation, we talked a lot
656
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:11,400
about trauma to my husband's a
therapist.
657
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:14,600
And so we engage that, you can
also read our book.
658
00:43:14,600 --> 00:43:17,200
If you want to know more about
the marriage metaphor, they
659
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:21,600
talked about and not how we got
married, and how we're staying
660
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:25,300
married.
It's called an impossible
661
00:43:25,300 --> 00:43:27,500
marriage.
Did that with ivp in 2020?
662
00:43:27,500 --> 00:43:31,700
So yeah, those are a few places.
Start.
663
00:43:32,300 --> 00:43:35,600
I will make sure to link all of
those in the show notes.
664
00:43:35,900 --> 00:43:39,800
So any listener who wants to
just click on any of them?
665
00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:42,800
They can easily access them and
Laurie.
666
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:46,100
I cannot, thank you enough for
being our guest today.
667
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:49,200
Thank you so much for sharing
your wisdom and your experience.
668
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:52,900
I think that the world needs
more of what you can offer,
669
00:43:54,300 --> 00:43:56,800
okay?
Grayson being a safe space for
670
00:43:56,800 --> 00:44:00,000
people.
Thanks so much so glad you're
671
00:44:00,900 --> 00:44:03,700
Putting these messages out
there, Jenny, thanks for your
672
00:44:03,700 --> 00:44:09,900
doing too.
Thank you so much for listening
673
00:44:09,900 --> 00:44:12,100
to this episode of head to our
podcast.
674
00:44:12,300 --> 00:44:14,400
It's a joy to record them and a
joy to have you.
675
00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:18,700
Listen, I love hearing from you.
So if any part of this episode
676
00:44:18,700 --> 00:44:21,100
was helpful, go ahead.
Share it, on your Instagram
677
00:44:21,100 --> 00:44:24,100
story, and tag us.
The handle is head to Heart
678
00:44:24,100 --> 00:44:27,600
underscore podcast.
And if you would be so kind,
679
00:44:27,700 --> 00:44:31,200
leave us a rating and review on
Apple podcasts or our website.
680
00:44:31,300 --> 00:44:33,200
It helps out the show so much
when you do.
681
00:44:34,100 --> 00:44:36,700
We'll be releasing episodes to
you every other Friday.
682
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:39,100
So stay tuned and thanks for
joining us.
00:00:03,700 --> 00:00:05,500
Welcome to head to Heart
podcast.
2
00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:09,500
I'm your host Jenny Markham.
This Bi weekly podcast is
3
00:00:09,500 --> 00:00:12,800
designed to be a safe space to
admit where we truly believe in
4
00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,600
our hearts.
There's a huge difference
5
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:18,400
between having biblical
knowledge floating around in our
6
00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:21,300
heads and actually believing
that it's true.
7
00:00:22,100 --> 00:00:24,800
Until God's truth makes its way
into our hearts.
8
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:29,600
Nothing changes will be doing a
mix of solo episodes and
9
00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,000
interviews with friends.
Those who have experienced the
10
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:35,100
freedom that comes, when head
knowledge becomes heart.
11
00:00:35,100 --> 00:00:38,400
Knowledge will talk about
overcoming lies in our
12
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:41,600
relationships, mental health
struggles and the way we see
13
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:45,800
ourselves, the truth will set
you free so that you can walk
14
00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:48,400
every day in the freedom.
God desires for you.
15
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:52,100
It's time to let go of those
pressures insecurities and
16
00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:54,500
burdens.
That's not yours to carry.
17
00:00:55,100 --> 00:01:03,000
Thanks for joining us.
Welcome back to head to Heart
18
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,400
podcast.
I'm your host Jenny Markham.
19
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:08,500
If you're listening to this
episode, thank you so much for
20
00:01:08,500 --> 00:01:12,300
tuning in today.
I have a guest here with us, and
21
00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:15,900
I'm going to let her introduce
herself, but I am so thrilled to
22
00:01:15,908 --> 00:01:18,300
be sharing this episode with all
of you listeners.
23
00:01:18,900 --> 00:01:21,900
So we have Lori Krieg with us
today, Lori.
24
00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:24,000
Why don't you go ahead and
introduce yourself?
25
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,700
Tell us a little bit about what
you do, who you are.
26
00:01:27,700 --> 00:01:30,400
And maybe a fun fact.
Aw, thanks.
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00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:32,800
So much Jenny.
So nice to meet you and your
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00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,500
audience.
So glad you guys are here.
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00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:36,600
Yeah.
I want a Ministry called
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00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:40,600
impossible Ministries and I'm a
podcaster also, although we're
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00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:45,500
taking a break this year and I'm
a speaker, and I'm a writer and
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00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:50,100
I'm currently getting my masters
at Wheaton and praying about a
33
00:01:50,100 --> 00:01:51,700
doctorate.
I don't know.
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00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:57,200
That's jury's out on that one,
but the mission of our ministry
35
00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:00,500
and our podcast and pretty much
everything I say.
36
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:06,400
To is to equip the church with a
gospel centered approach to
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00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:12,100
marriage and sexuality.
We wrote that mission years ago
38
00:02:12,100 --> 00:02:14,700
and I feel like I just keep
learning more and more about
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00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:19,600
each word of it, and it just
grows in deepens in my own heart
40
00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:22,600
and life.
So, yeah, I've been doing that
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00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:28,500
since 2015 and married for 13
years.
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00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:33,800
I have three little kids who Who
are seven, six and three and
43
00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:37,600
huge hundred-pound saber.
Don't say, Bernard Labradoodle
44
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are Labrador.
No poodle.
45
00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:45,600
We're the labrador come from.
I know things.
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00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,800
I should definitely get that
doctorate.
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00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:55,600
And I am a fun fact is I'm one
of 12 kids.
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00:02:56,100 --> 00:03:01,300
So my mom and dad birthed.
Well, my mom birth First, 12,
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00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:06,300
humans who look and sound enact
similar to me and I am the ninth
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00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:09,200
oldest.
Wow.
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00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:16,300
I had, that's crazy.
I now write did when they would,
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00:03:16,300 --> 00:03:22,500
like, talk about the younger,
the younger kids, did they like
53
00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:23,900
group you in with the youngest
three?
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00:03:23,900 --> 00:03:26,800
And they're like the babies or
the younger ones.
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00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:31,200
So it's kind of like because
there's 12 if you divide by 3
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Well by four, there's three
different families and pretty
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00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,400
much.
So the oldest for four girls and
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there's the middle for and then
I so I'm technically you know,
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00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,600
birth order books tend to stop
at about number four.
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00:03:45,900 --> 00:03:50,100
Okay.
So like but I act like an oldest
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firstborn so I'm like the oldest
of the youngest group.
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So yeah, yeah the older the I
think they call us like the
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youngers who I don't know,
whatever they call us, probably
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the privileged ones.
That's a good fun, fact.
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Well Lori.
I just want to ask you what have
66
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you been set free from?
That's a good question.
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I have been.
Wow, that's hard to put in the
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00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:19,200
past tense, isn't it?
Yeah, because it's an ongoing
69
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process.
Yeah, I think one of the biggest
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00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:30,100
things I'm in the ongoing
freeing journey of is to be set
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00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:35,300
free from self-hatred.
You can also categorize that is
72
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:40,000
shame or toxic shame.
I think God is really setting
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00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:44,500
and it's in the process of
setting me free from self-hatred
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00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:49,100
after I graduated college.
So I was 22.
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00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:57,900
I was really wrestling with huge
decision of was I going to come
76
00:04:57,900 --> 00:05:02,500
out as a lesbian atheist and I
say atheist.
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Cuz I actually believed what the
Bible said about marriage, I
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just didn't think I could live
it out without wanting to die.
79
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So I was either going to come
out as a lesbian atheist and I
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00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:20,400
say lesbian because I've been
attracted to the same sex since
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I was young.
I am married to a man.
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Now feel free to Circle back.
And ask about that.
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00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:30,500
How that happened later because
it's a good story.
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00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:38,000
But I was and still am attracted
to women again.
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00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:41,700
Still, well married to a guy but
I didn't know how to live that
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00:05:41,700 --> 00:05:43,900
out.
There's I didn't have congruence
87
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:49,400
between my mind, heart and body
and spirit the my Theology.
88
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,800
And what I was really
experiencing inside of myself
89
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,600
and so it's either going to kill
myself or come out.
90
00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:03,800
And I prayed in that moment, God
if you Get me through this.
91
00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:09,200
Would you help me to be a voice
of Hope and encouragement for
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00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:14,500
even one other person?
And I honestly like that wasn't
93
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:17,900
like I have an idea.
I'm going to tell this story on
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00:06:17,900 --> 00:06:22,400
a podcast in 15 years, that
wasn't in my head.
95
00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:25,100
It was, I have no idea if I'm
going to make it through this
96
00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:30,100
and there was no no books out
yet, like, Wesley Hill.
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00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:35,700
My friends like Preston
sprinkle, or You know, Jackie
98
00:06:35,700 --> 00:06:37,600
OPEC.
Nobody was talking about this
99
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,500
yet.
Nobody was like saying, oh yeah,
100
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,400
you could experience this and
still follow Jesus either.
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00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:46,600
They, it was like, you're either
gay and you find a wife or
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00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:52,000
you're not in your straight.
So this was 2008 or you become
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00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,700
ex-gay.
That was a thing.
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00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:58,200
So it's basically like you go
from gay to straight and I was
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00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:01,100
so baffled.
You guys, my dad was a pastor at
106
00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:06,700
that time and I was like, The
annoying Christian leader.
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00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:10,800
Girl on my Christian campus,
like the one that did all the
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00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:15,000
stuff that was me.
And I was I was very sincere
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00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,200
about it too.
Like I wasn't like I'm gonna
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00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,300
perform.
It was truly.
111
00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:22,600
I loved God, the best, I knew
how.
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00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:28,300
And so I was pretty baffled, you
know, I wasn't chasing after
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00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:31,000
these same-sex desires.
It just would kind of be, like,
114
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:35,800
flickering thought growing up,
and I tried dating Guys and it
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00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:39,900
just never understood why I
didn't really want to get close
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00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:43,200
to them at all.
And then I met another Christian
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00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:46,500
woman who felt the same way
about me as I did about her.
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00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:51,300
And I found myself in a secret
same-sex relationship, and the
119
00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:56,800
fissure in my soul was brutal.
And I hated myself as we're
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00:07:56,808 --> 00:08:00,400
talking about self-hatred.
And I felt as if I deserved it.
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00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:09,800
I mean you'd hear this this was
in the era of what I call porn
122
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:15,100
and pancakes.
What is corn and pancakes just
123
00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:19,600
bear with me?
Okay, so early 2000s there was a
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00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:23,600
good I always say good it seems
like it was really helpful Kind
125
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:27,100
of Revolution where with the
dawn of the internet a lot of
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00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:30,200
guys discovered pornography and
got addicted to it.
127
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:33,100
My And now, that was his story
starting at age 11.
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00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:35,000
I know a lot of women wrestle
with that etcetera.
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00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:38,600
Okay.
But early 2000s, there was a
130
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,100
movement going around from
churches where they're like,
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00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:44,700
let's talk about porn addiction.
Let's call it.
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00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:47,200
Let's make it sadly.
So guys want to come.
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00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:51,400
So let's make Saturday, morning
porn and pancakes.
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00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:54,000
While pancakes, we're going to
talk about our pornography
135
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,400
addiction.
Oh, my just get real.
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00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,700
Yeah, I'm not kidding.
That was everywhere.
137
00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:01,100
There's lots of time.
Come on.
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00:09:01,100 --> 00:09:04,800
He's up front and I'm grateful.
I really am.
139
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:09,100
But I will be honest.
It was so brutal to be sitting
140
00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:14,000
in the Pew or rows of chairs
that are stackable as I was at
141
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:17,600
with a Church Plant.
It'd be, it was so brutal to
142
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:21,900
hear.
Elders, pastors, share their own
143
00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:28,200
stories of recovering from or
experiencing maybe even ongoing
144
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,600
progress the addiction
heterosexual.
145
00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:33,500
Biography diction.
And then the next sentence could
146
00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:37,700
be.
Oh, that's so gay or total
147
00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:45,300
abject discussed, lgbtq people.
So, sexual Brokenness, and
148
00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:47,700
sexual Brokenness, right?
It's like, we're comparing
149
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:51,600
apples and apples, right?
But for some reason, mine was
150
00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:55,700
worse than theirs.
And here I was lost in wanting
151
00:09:55,700 --> 00:09:58,700
to die going to church every
week hearing sermons about
152
00:09:58,700 --> 00:10:02,000
idolatry and how we did.
Surrender, these things we put
153
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:05,100
before, God and recognizing, my
girlfriend was this Idol.
154
00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:09,400
That I was unwilling to let go
of because in a lot of ways, she
155
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:12,100
felt like she scratched the itch
of my heart.
156
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:17,400
And so I was looking for a safe
place to land.
157
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,900
I was looking for somewhere for
someone to tell me that the
158
00:10:21,900 --> 00:10:26,400
self-hatred, I felt inside
wasn't what was the right cure
159
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:28,100
quote-unquote.
I don't believe in a daycare.
160
00:10:28,100 --> 00:10:32,200
I'm just saying that's what I
felt like, I deserved because I
161
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:35,000
was wrestling with what I felt
like was the worst then.
162
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,600
So there I was wrestling with
that and I graduated from
163
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:41,300
college and I was on my own.
I was a newspaper.
164
00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:44,700
Reporter I got it.
Journalism degree and I was
165
00:10:44,700 --> 00:10:50,400
like, I can do whatever I want.
He'll like I'm not I'm not a
166
00:10:50,408 --> 00:10:53,700
Christian College anymore, I had
broken up with my girlfriend, I
167
00:10:53,700 --> 00:10:57,000
tried dating.
This one guy and I was like, I
168
00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:00,500
really my heart connected to him
and then we broke up and it was
169
00:11:00,500 --> 00:11:04,600
as if we never dated I was like,
24/7.
170
00:11:04,700 --> 00:11:09,800
A girl is what I need.
And I start seeing a therapist
171
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:13,800
who, because of me Suicidal
ideation.
172
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:16,500
One of my friends was like,
yeah, you should probably not
173
00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:19,900
want to kill yourself.
That's like, that's fair.
174
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:24,100
That's a good idea.
Smart.
175
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:30,100
So I start seeing her and gods
will had it.
176
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:34,600
That she was not just a
therapist, she was more like,
177
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:40,800
Dumbledore Yota.
Jedi Master of spiritual
178
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,300
amazingness.
Now she wasn't actually
179
00:11:43,300 --> 00:11:45,200
Dumbledore.
She wasn't actually magical, but
180
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:49,800
she just isn't new God, ever
meet those people who you like,
181
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:58,400
it seems like they're floating
so holy that was her but she
182
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,700
didn't come off the way.
It also didn't hurt that, she
183
00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:07,200
was like 61 and very tall and
knew, and loved God.
184
00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:13,900
And she started using language.
That was so helpful for me, in
185
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:17,800
my, self-perception to remove
some of that shame and
186
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:21,400
self-hatred.
First of all, if you study any
187
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:25,800
of Kurt Thompson's work, the
soul of Shame, the antidote to
188
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:32,100
shame or self-hatred is to have
to be seen in your mess and
189
00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:37,700
loved in your mess.
That's what God did in the
190
00:12:37,700 --> 00:12:41,300
garden with Adam and Eve.
They were hiding.
191
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:47,800
And he's like, where are you?
And he didn't ask, where are you
192
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:51,500
because you lost them?
He's God.
193
00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:55,300
Like he's looking for them.
And so here's Adam and Eve and
194
00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:59,800
it was like, why are you hiding?
We were shamed because not
195
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:03,600
because of the sin, they did but
because of their nakedness, they
196
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:07,000
didn't have to feel that same
until they felt this whole body
197
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,500
self-hatred that God.
He saw them in their mess and he
198
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:12,300
called him out, he sought to
them.
199
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,500
Carolyn, that was my counselors.
Name.
200
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:21,700
She sought me out and she didn't
talk to me about Leviticus 18 or
201
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20 or First Corinthians 6 or
Romans want or any of the other
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homosexuality quote-unquote, you
know, clobber passages.
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00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,200
She started using heart
language.
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And she'd ask me questions like
Lori, when you envision the
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ideal.
Perfect woman.
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00:13:44,100 --> 00:13:50,200
What are you hoping for?
I was like gasp, no one's ever
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00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:54,200
asked that before.
No, and it feels awkward to say,
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I actually don't even know what
I'd say.
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00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:59,300
Like it's gonna be an awkward
like sexual words.
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00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:03,500
I'm about to say and I was
shocked because the words that
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came out of my mouth were not
sexual in nature at all.
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They were heart words.
I want to be seen and known and
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loved.
And I have been looking for
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00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:21,900
being seen, no one in love.
Since I was a little kid and our
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parents.
Ideally are the perfect
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00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:28,300
representation of God who see us
and know us and love us just as
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00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:32,400
we are and show us.
God, they're the perfect
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00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,300
reflection of God, but of
course, they're in perfect.
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00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:40,300
I'm imperfect as a parent now.
But I was like, she was like,
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00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:45,700
those are good needs Lori.
You're just looking in the wrong
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00:14:45,700 --> 00:14:50,400
place.
Now the right place was not to a
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00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:54,900
dude.
And I also said to her and my
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sassy self they State.
They said well the answer
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00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:03,100
shouldn't isn't going to be
Jesus because I've tried him and
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00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:09,200
he doesn't work and she said,
well, it is Jesus.
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00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:13,300
And it was Jesus, of course,
he's the answer.
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00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:18,100
Ideally, our parents are these
perfect representations of God
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00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:22,800
who see us and know us and love
us but they can't ever scratch.
229
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:26,000
Those issues of our heart.
We call them these this hole in
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00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,600
our heart Augustine.
Referred to it that he said, you
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00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:31,200
made us for our yourself.
O Lord, our heart is restless
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until it rests in you.
And so we have these good needs
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00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:38,500
inside.
It's not always okay to say that
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00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:42,000
you're needy.
It's not how we usually.
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00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,700
Okay, to say I want to be
chosen.
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00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:48,000
I want to be safe, I need to be
safe.
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00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:54,100
I want to be sought, but we all
go to the wrong places and we
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00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:58,900
all have barriers between these
good needs of our heart.
239
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:03,900
And the need neither of our soul
needs barriers are trauma, their
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00:16:03,900 --> 00:16:05,100
sin.
We've done.
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00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:08,600
They're just things, we've
learned in correctly.
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00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:14,000
And so Carolyn my counselor, she
really helped me to remove some
243
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,900
of those barriers between the
good needs of my heart and the
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00:16:16,900 --> 00:16:21,500
need M of my soul and that did
not take me from gay to straight
245
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:26,100
but it really did make room for
God's.
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00:16:26,300 --> 00:16:31,000
Love more of his love.
I actually experienced it.
247
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,600
Actually I like I usually say
like that's when I fell in love
248
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:39,500
with Jesus and as such an eye
Rowley sentence but true It
249
00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:42,100
isn't like the best.
I know how to say it.
250
00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:47,600
Like, I was like, oh my word,
I'm looking for Jesus, like, are
251
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:50,400
you kidding me?
The whole time?
252
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:55,900
Yeah, he can actually scratch
the edge, even though it's not
253
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,900
permanent.
Like that's, that's Heaven.
254
00:16:57,900 --> 00:17:01,200
Talk that we will experience,
but we could have these glimmers
255
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:05,500
of it now.
And so, if Asians three talks
256
00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:09,700
about what his love does, so
then you'll be filled with the
257
00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:15,800
fullness of life and power that
comes from God, when you know
258
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,400
this love that surpasses
knowledge.
259
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:23,500
So it fills us, his love fills
us with his power, his power for
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what I would argue it's the
empowers US to die to self to
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00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:35,200
not just my same-sex, desirous
default, but also my
262
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:40,200
perfectionism default to to feel
OK by being perfect to feel OK
263
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:44,900
by performing enough to feel.
OK, by trying to be one of the
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00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:48,400
best kids of The Twelve.
Tell me siblings.
265
00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:58,000
So that really helped me.
To remove the self-hatred and
266
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:03,000
again, it's in process but to
feel empowered enough to know.
267
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:07,400
God loves me right now.
When those pastors, say things,
268
00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:11,200
when there is the hypocritical
statements and sentences.
269
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:17,100
I am loved by God, now the
opposite of homosexuality or
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00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:19,900
same sex.
Desire is not heterosexual
271
00:18:19,900 --> 00:18:25,800
desire.
Its It's Jesus completion in
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00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:29,200
him, so I wasn't interested in
men.
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00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,200
So it wasn't a matter of me
being like, men versus women.
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00:18:32,300 --> 00:18:36,200
It was a matter of like this is
what I'm drawn toward this.
275
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:39,100
Seems like it's going to scratch
the itch of my heart and I
276
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:45,400
realized, she couldn't.
Women can't men can't either.
277
00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:50,000
But then that's another question
over his old, in a way that men
278
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:53,200
and women in marriage.
Why am I married to a dude now?
279
00:18:54,700 --> 00:19:00,800
Really the way I see the world
from my world view is, we are
280
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:04,000
all created for an intimate
relationship with Jesus.
281
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:10,000
We all have broken sexuality and
some of our defaults are toward
282
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,200
the same sex and we get to
surrender those.
283
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:16,800
And some of us who are attracted
to the opposite, sex is we have
284
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:20,600
to surrender that and we all
need to ask the Lord Jesus.
285
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:24,300
What do you want with my life?
What are you?
286
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,900
What do you want with my life?
It's not.
287
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,000
Can you help me find my person?
It's what you got for me.
288
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,400
Jesus!
Mmm.
289
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,900
And so he's got this kingdom of
God thing that he's doing.
290
00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:39,500
He wants us to be a part of it.
And so, married and single.
291
00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:43,100
Those are equally valuable
modalities or modes.
292
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:47,600
We can fulfill the mission to
make disciples Equally valuable.
293
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:53,300
Thank you might be saying, oh
well I really sense the Lord the
294
00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:56,800
way he wants me to mode and this
is what I start sensing.
295
00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:01,200
So I married to a guy, the mou
that he wants me Lori, not
296
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:04,800
everyone liked me, he could have
called me to single this, but he
297
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:07,900
wants me to fulfill the mission
to make disciples as a married
298
00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:12,300
woman and I go, all right, well
then what's marriage.
299
00:20:13,700 --> 00:20:15,600
It's not like a oh it's too
dude.
300
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,000
It's what.
All, what is it why is it to do?
301
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:23,500
And this is where the second
half of my story comes in which
302
00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:26,300
I won't elaborate on, but you
guys can read about it in our
303
00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:29,400
book, my husband and my book
impossible marriage.
304
00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:33,400
We are married almost ended
about seven years in because I
305
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,200
really had to confront the
Theology of marriage.
306
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:38,400
Why is it male and female
marriage?
307
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:41,900
I'm a little confused.
If you start talking to anyone,
308
00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:46,700
who's married gay straight,
especially straight marriages in
309
00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:49,400
the church.
Many of them are hurting very
310
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:54,200
deeply and I Confused.
You know, if you're like a lot
311
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:59,800
of the language you here is like
the old ball and chain, you
312
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,100
know, you really want to have,
isn't it?
313
00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:05,000
Hilarious, how you want to have
sex before you get married, but
314
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:09,900
then, you get married and oh my
gosh, she just hate them like
315
00:21:10,700 --> 00:21:14,100
truly.
That's, that's a lot of the
316
00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:19,600
jokes, is I roles so where I had
to look?
317
00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:22,400
Sure.
Sure sure you can look up you
318
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,900
know Leviticus 18:22
blahblahblah Romans 1 First
319
00:21:25,900 --> 00:21:30,100
Corinthians 6 which matter
against prohibitions against
320
00:21:30,100 --> 00:21:31,400
same-sex marriage but I was
curious.
321
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,900
Why is it?
What's the yes of marriage?
322
00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:36,100
This is what I think everyone
needs to ask.
323
00:21:36,100 --> 00:21:39,200
If God is calling you to
marriage, what's marriage about
324
00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:41,900
and this to me is the strongest
argument.
325
00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:47,400
For God's sign for marriage is
Ephesians 5:31 32.
326
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:51,600
For this reason a man shall
leave his mother and father, and
327
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:54,400
the two shall be United to one.
This is a profound mystery.
328
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:56,000
I'm talking about Christ and the
church.
329
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:02,000
So, male and female.
United into one, what's the
330
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:05,800
mystery?
What's the mystery?
331
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:07,800
Well, okay mail.
It is it is it that men and
332
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,500
women fall in love and it's just
a mystery.
333
00:22:10,500 --> 00:22:13,800
I don't know.
Boo-boo on the nose, they just
334
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:17,700
fall in love and I feel like
yeah, I'm very confused about
335
00:22:17,700 --> 00:22:19,200
that.
Tell me about that mystery.
336
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:25,700
Please for someone like me.
So guys, know the mystery is the
337
00:22:25,700 --> 00:22:28,500
illustration of Christ.
In the church.
338
00:22:28,500 --> 00:22:30,700
Hold up.
I never heard or I never
339
00:22:30,700 --> 00:22:32,700
understood this.
If I heard this growing up, I
340
00:22:32,700 --> 00:22:33,800
did not.
Understand it.
341
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:37,300
So I'm a throw it out for you
all listeners and you dear Jenny
342
00:22:37,300 --> 00:22:39,900
and K.
So you haven't heard, this is
343
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:44,100
men and women are called if
they're called some marriage.
344
00:22:44,100 --> 00:22:46,700
It's supposed to be male and
female because it's an
345
00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:51,000
illustration of the way Christ
and the church are one, how
346
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:56,100
different are men and women
pretty different.
347
00:22:56,400 --> 00:23:02,400
So they're pretty different but
how different is God from the
348
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:03,400
church.
Church.
349
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:08,300
But like ontologically
different, it says, in Ephesians
350
00:23:08,300 --> 00:23:10,600
1.
He is far above every ruler,
351
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:13,300
power and authority.
Not only in this life, but in
352
00:23:13,300 --> 00:23:17,100
the life to come, it doesn't
Isaiah 58 that he lives in
353
00:23:17,100 --> 00:23:20,000
eternity.
What the heck does that even
354
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:26,200
mean?
Get rid of the whole Arc plot of
355
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,100
the Bible, from the beginning,
there's a marriage in the end.
356
00:23:29,100 --> 00:23:32,400
There's a marriage.
Is this is Christopher West says
357
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:35,700
this, T is a Pope, John Paul the
second Theology of the Body
358
00:23:35,700 --> 00:23:39,400
student.
He says, the whole Bible can be
359
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:43,700
summed up in this one.
In three words, four, words God
360
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:50,500
wants to marry us.
Marriage is a picture of the
361
00:23:50,500 --> 00:23:55,900
Gospel.
When my kids ask me, why is it,
362
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:57,800
why can't two girls marry each
other?
363
00:23:59,700 --> 00:24:04,100
I say, well, they can legally I
said but it's not God's best
364
00:24:04,300 --> 00:24:09,300
because when Mommy and Daddy
love each other we show you a
365
00:24:09,300 --> 00:24:14,000
picture of how much God loves
you.
366
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:21,000
Marriage is a metaphor.
It's a gospel picture in our
367
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:25,600
neighborhoods, in our homes and
in the grocery store of how very
368
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,100
different we are from each
other.
369
00:24:27,100 --> 00:24:32,900
How very different God is from
us, but how he will, he will and
370
00:24:32,900 --> 00:24:37,200
wants to marry us.
So, this is why it's such a
371
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:41,300
significant question and why it
matters is, it's not, you know,
372
00:24:41,300 --> 00:24:44,300
well it's not Adam and Steve,
it's out of it, not without any
373
00:24:44,300 --> 00:24:48,500
of its kind of know, it's, if
we're choose saying yes, to
374
00:24:48,500 --> 00:24:50,500
marriage.
Gay straight or otherwise.
375
00:24:50,500 --> 00:24:54,000
However you identify however
your your broken sexuality is if
376
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,400
you're saying yes to marriage
then I believe you're saying yes
377
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:59,800
to an opposite-sex marriage.
What you're saying yes to a
378
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:07,700
gospel picture that's not Yeah,
I love that because it's it's
379
00:25:07,700 --> 00:25:12,400
like sometimes the question
that's going through our heads
380
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:19,100
is like who am I attracted to?
But that's not necessarily the
381
00:25:19,100 --> 00:25:22,600
key question.
It's it's like what what did God
382
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:28,100
designed marriage to be like?
Yeah yep and then those
383
00:25:28,100 --> 00:25:30,700
attraction questions can factor
in you know?
384
00:25:30,700 --> 00:25:34,900
Like it can be a part but I
don't think they should be the
385
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:36,500
primary.
Mary Park.
386
00:25:36,700 --> 00:25:44,200
It's yeah, we've really lost.
I think a lot of the theological
387
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:46,700
beauty of marriage in my
opinion.
388
00:25:46,900 --> 00:25:52,200
Mmm, that's a beautiful picture
of what the actual like key
389
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:56,800
question is, and that's not
exactly.
390
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,800
That's a question that people
are wrestling with just
391
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,000
everywhere in the states right
now.
392
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:07,500
It's obviously legal to marry
someone of the The same sex, but
393
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,700
Christians are there on
different sides.
394
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:14,300
There are Christians who are
affirming of that?
395
00:26:14,300 --> 00:26:16,900
And there are Christians, who
would say, they don't believe
396
00:26:16,900 --> 00:26:24,200
that's what the Bible meant, but
as you just wonderfully, put The
397
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:29,700
design of marriage has to be man
and woman and it's to primarily
398
00:26:29,700 --> 00:26:32,200
look to Jesus whether you're
called be married or single.
399
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:41,100
So, if someone is comes out as
gay or or transgender or
400
00:26:41,100 --> 00:26:43,900
bisexual or however, they're
identifying their self or
401
00:26:43,900 --> 00:26:47,200
struggling with same-sex
attraction, what do you think
402
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:54,200
that the church's response needs
to be Oh man, nothing but love.
403
00:26:56,600 --> 00:27:00,100
I mean, I recently posted and
I'll say this when I speak and
404
00:27:00,100 --> 00:27:03,700
I'll say we love songs that come
on the radio that say things
405
00:27:03,700 --> 00:27:10,800
like you love me just the way I
am and we love to sing that
406
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:16,300
about ourselves.
As we consider our own pet sins,
407
00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:24,300
can lgbtq people saying that
just as much as we anyone can,
408
00:27:24,500 --> 00:27:26,900
as you can, can I sing?
That too.
409
00:27:27,500 --> 00:27:29,900
Now the pushback will get within
one point.
410
00:27:29,900 --> 00:27:32,000
Two seconds is yes, but God
loves us enough.
411
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:35,500
Not to leave us there.
I hear you people.
412
00:27:36,300 --> 00:27:41,100
I know but let me reference for
you.
413
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:48,100
The last several decades, I grew
up over hearing all the war on
414
00:27:48,100 --> 00:27:51,300
marriage talk.
There's a war on marriage.
415
00:27:51,300 --> 00:27:54,700
This was during Moral, Majority
80s and 90s and if you are
416
00:27:54,700 --> 00:27:58,100
younger than 25, You might not
have grown up without, but maybe
417
00:27:58,100 --> 00:28:00,300
you did.
But it was basically a lot of
418
00:28:00,300 --> 00:28:03,800
talk about the quote-unquote
homosexual, agenda is going to
419
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,300
destroy America.
Unlike murder babies in their
420
00:28:06,300 --> 00:28:11,900
cribs, that was the essence of
it and I grew up with that as a,
421
00:28:11,900 --> 00:28:15,400
not straight kid.
I heard that on the radio and do
422
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:19,500
you think I felt safe to share
my anything?
423
00:28:20,300 --> 00:28:22,600
Absolutely not.
Nope, no.
424
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:26,200
And this suicidality rate of
lgbtq kids.
425
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:32,300
Two to four times more likely
and 41% of trans people are more
426
00:28:32,300 --> 00:28:38,100
likely to attempt, suicide 41%,
like one out of two.
427
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:42,700
That's too much.
So here's when I share
428
00:28:42,700 --> 00:28:46,100
statistics like that, something
that Grieves my heart and my
429
00:28:46,100 --> 00:28:50,500
spirit is there's like a third
layer of people's Consciousness.
430
00:28:50,500 --> 00:28:53,200
I'm not assuming this about your
listeners now, but I was some
431
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,900
people's Consciousness when they
hear the suicidality right to
432
00:28:55,900 --> 00:28:58,300
self.
Hatred rate, etcetera.
433
00:28:58,300 --> 00:29:03,500
The self-harm is they think?
Yeah, well, they're Sinners.
434
00:29:04,100 --> 00:29:09,300
Don't they deserve it?
And I implore you, if that's
435
00:29:09,300 --> 00:29:11,800
something that's going on in
your own head, as you're
436
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:15,500
listening or someone, you know,
is raise your hand if you
437
00:29:15,500 --> 00:29:20,800
deserve life.
All have sinned and fallen short
438
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,500
of the glory of God.
And so, I would say, the first
439
00:29:23,500 --> 00:29:29,900
thing we need to do is Love
people where they are as they
440
00:29:29,900 --> 00:29:32,600
are.
I wished.
441
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:38,100
That I could have at least heard
more of the ground is level at
442
00:29:38,100 --> 00:29:42,800
the foot of the cross in that
people at from the pulpit would
443
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:49,200
share here is some list of sins,
lgbtq stuff porn stuff and
444
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:53,100
really like put it on the same
playing field.
445
00:29:53,300 --> 00:29:55,300
I actually would help me feel
safe to name.
446
00:29:55,300 --> 00:30:00,400
My stuff is sin, but put it on
the same plain film and ask your
447
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:03,300
sin.
So love, we love.
448
00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:08,200
Everyone the same and then when
he talked about Sin included, if
449
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:10,600
you're talking about a sermon,
don't not include it, but also
450
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:13,900
don't isolate it right?
And this is the worst one.
451
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:17,300
It doesn't help me feel safe.
If you don't say, it doesn't
452
00:30:17,300 --> 00:30:20,200
help me feel safe.
If you do only say it, I want to
453
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:23,200
hear all the sexual sins if
you're if it's the sexual sin
454
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:29,300
sermon, let's get em all and so
I think that's a huge thing and
455
00:30:29,300 --> 00:30:34,200
then I, you know, I do out seven
our talk and a two hour Or talk
456
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,600
on how to be safe.
But I'll say one other thing is
457
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:38,900
I would encourage you to use the
language of the day.
458
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:46,100
And so instead of demanding, you
know, people, I use your
459
00:30:46,100 --> 00:30:51,000
language being missional.
If you were to fly to a foreign
460
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,600
country and didn't speak their
language and you jumped out of
461
00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:56,100
the airplane and you screamed,
you need to know Jesus.
462
00:30:56,700 --> 00:30:58,800
Mmm.
Yeah, I don't think that go
463
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:02,900
over.
Well, I would encourage you to
464
00:31:02,900 --> 00:31:05,700
speak.
The language in order to earn
465
00:31:05,700 --> 00:31:11,700
the relational currency or
Equity to be able to speak at a
466
00:31:11,700 --> 00:31:16,000
heart level.
So those are my two things love
467
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:21,100
and speak the language.
I feel like what you said makes
468
00:31:21,100 --> 00:31:26,200
so much sense and that like
let's take if you're you know
469
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:29,800
just being a safe place for a
friend sometimes.
470
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:35,000
You know, if someone says, well,
I'm struggling with making out
471
00:31:35,008 --> 00:31:37,900
with my boyfriend too much or we
have bad boundaries, you're
472
00:31:37,900 --> 00:31:41,500
praying, make yourself like
available to talk whenever they
473
00:31:41,500 --> 00:31:43,400
want.
Like how can we set these
474
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:45,100
boundaries?
Yes.
475
00:31:45,300 --> 00:31:48,200
And how they're doing?
But maybe, on the other hand if
476
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:52,800
they were like I am attracted to
women and I'm a woman, you know
477
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:54,000
sometimes?
Yeah.
478
00:31:54,100 --> 00:31:57,600
I feel like we need to prove
like that is wrong but there's
479
00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:00,700
no need to to shove that in
their face right there.
480
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:02,600
And this is not the place for
it.
481
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:08,100
Yes, yes that's so good.
I will say, if a doubt switch it
482
00:32:08,100 --> 00:32:11,700
out, if you really like have
some big issues with lgbtq
483
00:32:11,700 --> 00:32:15,400
stuff, switch it out in your
mind, don't say it out loud for
484
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:18,300
a sin.
You can more easily understand
485
00:32:18,300 --> 00:32:21,800
and empathize with, hmm.
So, what if this woman was
486
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:24,200
sleeping with her boyfriend?
How would I talk with her?
487
00:32:24,700 --> 00:32:28,400
Oh, like a normal person?
Yeah.
488
00:32:28,500 --> 00:32:30,300
Yeah.
What am I talks?
489
00:32:30,300 --> 00:32:33,900
I'm like, I say that like least
five or six just be a normal
490
00:32:33,900 --> 00:32:36,500
human doesn't talk.
That's good question.
491
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:42,100
Yeah, yeah, that's so good.
So let's say there are people
492
00:32:42,100 --> 00:32:45,200
listening who are in that same
boat as you were when you were
493
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:50,400
22 and they're just like what
advice would you give them if
494
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:53,500
you were talking to?
Let's say yourself as a 22 year
495
00:32:53,500 --> 00:32:57,400
old coming out of college.
Yeah one advice that I give her.
496
00:32:57,500 --> 00:33:01,700
Oh my word.
I probably just sit with her and
497
00:33:01,700 --> 00:33:08,200
just cry for a while at how
misunderstood she feels and is,
498
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:12,300
and how lonely and isolating
this spaces.
499
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:18,200
And then I would say, you know
what, a lot of people do really
500
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:23,200
stink at this conversation,
you're not wrong and I really
501
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:25,300
want to try and be a safe place
for you.
502
00:33:26,100 --> 00:33:29,000
Will you please help?
Teach me and tell me if I say
503
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:32,800
something wrong?
And will you help me to to hear
504
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:38,800
you?
I was dying almost literally for
505
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:43,500
just someone to hear me and to
just put all the questions on
506
00:33:43,500 --> 00:33:47,600
the table and sort through it.
Then want to argue on to think.
507
00:33:48,900 --> 00:33:51,900
And I and people were so uptight
and anxious.
508
00:33:51,900 --> 00:33:55,800
They were unwilling to pause
there.
509
00:33:56,400 --> 00:34:01,500
Truth swords daggers to just
hear me.
510
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:07,200
So I would really listen, which
there's a Harvard study that
511
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:11,300
says, if you simply listen to
people who are in completely
512
00:34:11,300 --> 00:34:17,800
opposite ends of you in your
beliefs, that I think it
513
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:22,199
decreases, Anxiety and helps
them to actually come to even
514
00:34:22,199 --> 00:34:26,800
your side a little bit more by
like 46% song, a 40 and a 41:46
515
00:34:27,100 --> 00:34:28,699
just listening.
Wow.
516
00:34:29,199 --> 00:34:32,300
Calms the down them down.
Instead of being like I love you
517
00:34:32,300 --> 00:34:36,300
but I don't you know, it like
you were saying just be normal.
518
00:34:36,300 --> 00:34:39,500
So I think empathy sitting next
to and then.
519
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:41,000
All right, let's throw it on the
table.
520
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:43,500
Let's look at this together.
What do you think about this?
521
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:49,100
Okay, I'm going to switch tracks
a little bit here and I think I
522
00:34:49,100 --> 00:34:54,800
wanted to include this because
it's becoming more and more of a
523
00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:59,400
prevalent topic to talk about,
and we know that it's becoming
524
00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:02,500
illegal in certain States.
It probably will become illegal
525
00:35:02,500 --> 00:35:07,600
in more states in the future.
But I wanted to know about your
526
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:11,800
thoughts on conversion therapy.
First of all, could you define
527
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:13,700
what that is for any listener?
Who is not familiar?
528
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:16,800
Earlier with it, sure conversion
therapy.
529
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:20,100
I think different people will
Define it differently but
530
00:35:20,100 --> 00:35:22,700
essentially, the way I
understand it is, you are trying
531
00:35:22,700 --> 00:35:29,200
to convert someone from gay to
straight and this happened a lot
532
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:31,900
in the 80s 90s.
There's like a lot of promises
533
00:35:31,900 --> 00:35:35,800
of straightness when I was
Googling things even in the
534
00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:38,000
early 2000's.
That was a lot.
535
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:41,100
It was like, here's all the
testimonies of people who are
536
00:35:41,100 --> 00:35:43,600
snorting, crack and sleeping
with the same sex, and then
537
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:47,500
they, He became straight and you
Christian hey Greg Johnson's
538
00:35:47,500 --> 00:35:51,500
book, still time to care.
Greg Johnson, he talks about the
539
00:35:51,500 --> 00:35:54,500
history of that.
It's really valuable valuable
540
00:35:54,500 --> 00:35:59,500
book.
And I think there was a, let me
541
00:35:59,500 --> 00:36:02,500
know if you've seen this, there
was a Netflix documentary.
542
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:05,500
Oh yeah, it was called pray
away.
543
00:36:05,900 --> 00:36:10,000
Yeah, trying to get away.
If you see that Rogers, I
544
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:13,800
couldn't watch it.
I was in a rough emotional state
545
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:17,600
but I read a lot about it and
Julie I've met her Julie Rogers
546
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:21,800
several times as she's kind of
walked, she's like kind of the
547
00:36:21,808 --> 00:36:26,900
star of that documentary.
I've Walked and walked the
548
00:36:26,900 --> 00:36:30,800
followed her journey from, you
know, shoot the Exodus.
549
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:34,600
So, that was an ex-gay movement
to being at Wheaton and she was
550
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:37,800
side B, which means she
identifies as gay but holding to
551
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:40,900
a traditional view, then she
became a firming and then she
552
00:36:40,900 --> 00:36:43,100
married your wife.
So if kind of watched her.
553
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:48,500
Okay, so watching that
documentary I can you came out
554
00:36:48,500 --> 00:36:53,100
last summer that was the first
like exposure.
555
00:36:53,100 --> 00:36:57,100
To what conversion therapy was?
I We know this was a thing but
556
00:36:57,400 --> 00:36:59,500
it was talking specifically
about exodus.
557
00:36:59,900 --> 00:37:03,600
Yes and how harmful that was.
And I was like, oh my goodness,
558
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:08,100
is this like still going on?
Are there Street like this?
559
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:12,700
So what are your thoughts?
Do you think that conversion
560
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:17,100
therapy is biblical at all?
Oh, yikes.
561
00:37:17,100 --> 00:37:25,200
No I I don't I I think it is
there like that.
562
00:37:25,300 --> 00:37:28,400
The ant, some of the arrows of
it, it would like, from what
563
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:30,700
I've heard.
Now, maybe this is only Legend
564
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:33,500
at this point but from what I
understand, I was even like,
565
00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:37,300
layers of shock therapy, like
they would have you watch porn
566
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:39,100
either gay or straight, I can't
remember.
567
00:37:39,100 --> 00:37:41,600
But try and like, shock you out
of your gayness.
568
00:37:41,700 --> 00:37:44,500
So that seems, like, I don't
know evil.
569
00:37:46,500 --> 00:37:51,300
So I, I used to ask the Lord to
change me.
570
00:37:51,700 --> 00:37:55,700
I don't know if I know any gay
people who didn't have a None of
571
00:37:55,700 --> 00:38:00,000
that at least like who grew up
in the church and then I
572
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:01,800
realized it was a waste of a
prayer.
573
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:05,000
I don't need to become straight
as that's.
574
00:38:05,100 --> 00:38:06,700
I don't know anyone who's
straight.
575
00:38:06,700 --> 00:38:10,500
I've never ever met you like so
you are you praying to never be
576
00:38:10,500 --> 00:38:12,900
tempted in that version of
sexuality again?
577
00:38:12,900 --> 00:38:15,000
Like, where in the Bible?
Does it say you're never going
578
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:19,400
to be tempted ever again?
Never, it's when you are
579
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:21,500
tempted.
God will provide a way out, so
580
00:38:21,500 --> 00:38:25,600
you can stand up under it.
So, if I became a raging
581
00:38:25,700 --> 00:38:28,400
heterosexual, my husband
wouldn't love that.
582
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:33,800
He would be like, well, ah,
these guys now, like that's
583
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:36,100
somehow better.
Do I want?
584
00:38:36,100 --> 00:38:41,200
I want my sexuality to be
submitted to the lordship of
585
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:46,100
Christ, that's my prayer.
It's and then if he's if he's
586
00:38:46,100 --> 00:38:50,200
called you to marriage, whatever
your default Brokenness is of
587
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:55,200
your sexuality, then ask the
Lord to make you one with your
588
00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:59,800
spouse so that you are a
beautiful gospel picture.
589
00:39:00,900 --> 00:39:05,500
To both your spouse and yourself
as a world of how much God loves
590
00:39:05,500 --> 00:39:10,100
you and them and everybody.
So I really think it's a waste
591
00:39:10,100 --> 00:39:12,900
of a prayer.
I'm so I think I think
592
00:39:12,900 --> 00:39:18,300
conversion therapy is fruit of a
marriage idolatrous World.
593
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:22,500
Wow, it's yeah.
That makes a lot of sense as you
594
00:39:22,500 --> 00:39:27,500
put it like that but yeah it is
only focusing on literally what
595
00:39:27,500 --> 00:39:30,100
we can see, not on the other
side of you.
596
00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:33,700
Eternity at all.
Yep, it's just focusing on who
597
00:39:33,700 --> 00:39:36,700
you marry right now.
Conversion.
598
00:39:36,700 --> 00:39:42,100
Therapy is fruit.
Yes of a marriage idolatrous and
599
00:39:42,100 --> 00:39:46,700
sex-obsessed world.
We, yeah, we are like what you
600
00:39:46,700 --> 00:39:48,500
need to find them attractive.
Why?
601
00:39:48,500 --> 00:39:50,500
Because that's what your life is
about.
602
00:39:50,500 --> 00:39:53,500
Is making Christian babies and
tithing and dying.
603
00:39:53,700 --> 00:39:56,500
Hmm.
Yeah, at all, it's about the
604
00:39:56,500 --> 00:39:59,400
kingdom of God and he may
actually want to honor.
605
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:04,500
You may get more glory to God
through your daily submission,
606
00:40:04,500 --> 00:40:07,600
of your version of bro.
Sexuality, then if you're the
607
00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:09,600
straightest person, all day
every day.
608
00:40:10,300 --> 00:40:14,800
Yeah it's that's not the point
of life, such a cheap and boring
609
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:19,500
life to focus on only sexuality.
Well I'm glad we square that
610
00:40:19,500 --> 00:40:22,600
away.
It is not biblical in my
611
00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:27,400
opinion, most experts in this
field would agree.
612
00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:34,700
Yeah, so if we have that, okay,
this doesn't align with what the
613
00:40:34,700 --> 00:40:38,100
Lord is.
Leading Believers to live by.
614
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:43,100
Is it at all, in any way,
helpful or do they have any,
615
00:40:43,100 --> 00:40:47,600
like technically successful
stories of?
616
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:51,500
Yeah, it actually did work.
I mean, again, Greg Johnson is
617
00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:54,300
still time to care.
He'll quote, some things if you
618
00:40:54,300 --> 00:40:59,700
want like a nice summary of some
of the quote-unquote research,
619
00:40:59,700 --> 00:41:06,400
but it He all to borrow.
My dad's words hogwash, like it
620
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:09,800
really hits.
The research is shoddy and and
621
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:13,800
then anecdotally, I've talked
with hundreds of submitted to
622
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:19,100
Christ lgbtq people who identify
as SSA or same-sex attracted or
623
00:41:19,100 --> 00:41:22,800
lgbtq.
At some level I do have not yet
624
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:26,700
met someone gone from gay to
straight like and because even
625
00:41:26,700 --> 00:41:29,900
if they say they do ask them.
So you never struggle with lust
626
00:41:29,900 --> 00:41:31,800
for the same sex.
Yes, I do.
627
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:36,500
Okay, so you got great light and
then again, won't be the next
628
00:41:36,500 --> 00:41:37,400
question.
Oh good.
629
00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:39,500
So you struggle with less toward
the opposite sex?
630
00:41:39,500 --> 00:41:41,700
Like and then we say what?
Good job.
631
00:41:42,300 --> 00:41:44,900
Congratulations scratch.
Like what?
632
00:41:45,900 --> 00:41:49,000
What is that conversation?
That makes a lot of sense.
633
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:58,100
So Lori if people listening want
to do more research or dive into
634
00:41:58,100 --> 00:42:02,500
the word themselves, are there
any Resources that you would
635
00:42:02,500 --> 00:42:06,500
recommend about this topic.
Any aspect of it to Artisan?
636
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:12,600
Yeah, I think I'm good starting
point is Center for Faith.com.
637
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:15,400
That's my friend.
Doctors Preston.
638
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:18,100
Sprinkle and Greg Coles and some
other friends there.
639
00:42:18,100 --> 00:42:21,500
I'm on the board of directors.
They're so full disclosure, but
640
00:42:21,500 --> 00:42:24,200
it's just a really solid not
cheesy.
641
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:28,400
And like, weird, I don't know,
just where you get a bad Vibe
642
00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:30,700
and maybe you may, you may buy
badly.
643
00:42:31,100 --> 00:42:33,300
But it's just theologically
grounded.
644
00:42:33,300 --> 00:42:35,800
You can look up his pastoral
papers if you're like, okay.
645
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:39,000
Well, what about pederasty?
I thought it was just like, you
646
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:42,300
know, all these arguments that
you here look up, you know, 15
647
00:42:42,300 --> 00:42:44,800
reasons for the affirming View
and 15 responses.
648
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:47,600
If you want to look up specific
arguments back and forth from
649
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:49,900
with that, you're affirming
friends, or you yourself may
650
00:42:49,900 --> 00:42:52,600
have feel free to read them but
he's really gracious and its
651
00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:56,000
tone and tries his best to
engage this.
652
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:59,900
Well, you can also check out our
podcast again, Ron a Hiatus this
653
00:42:59,900 --> 00:43:02,400
year.
It's called hole in my heart
654
00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:04,900
podcast.
We've interviewed everybody, a
655
00:43:04,908 --> 00:43:08,000
lot of people who are in this
conversation, we talked a lot
656
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:11,400
about trauma to my husband's a
therapist.
657
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:14,600
And so we engage that, you can
also read our book.
658
00:43:14,600 --> 00:43:17,200
If you want to know more about
the marriage metaphor, they
659
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:21,600
talked about and not how we got
married, and how we're staying
660
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:25,300
married.
It's called an impossible
661
00:43:25,300 --> 00:43:27,500
marriage.
Did that with ivp in 2020?
662
00:43:27,500 --> 00:43:31,700
So yeah, those are a few places.
Start.
663
00:43:32,300 --> 00:43:35,600
I will make sure to link all of
those in the show notes.
664
00:43:35,900 --> 00:43:39,800
So any listener who wants to
just click on any of them?
665
00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:42,800
They can easily access them and
Laurie.
666
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:46,100
I cannot, thank you enough for
being our guest today.
667
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:49,200
Thank you so much for sharing
your wisdom and your experience.
668
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:52,900
I think that the world needs
more of what you can offer,
669
00:43:54,300 --> 00:43:56,800
okay?
Grayson being a safe space for
670
00:43:56,800 --> 00:44:00,000
people.
Thanks so much so glad you're
671
00:44:00,900 --> 00:44:03,700
Putting these messages out
there, Jenny, thanks for your
672
00:44:03,700 --> 00:44:09,900
doing too.
Thank you so much for listening
673
00:44:09,900 --> 00:44:12,100
to this episode of head to our
podcast.
674
00:44:12,300 --> 00:44:14,400
It's a joy to record them and a
joy to have you.
675
00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:18,700
Listen, I love hearing from you.
So if any part of this episode
676
00:44:18,700 --> 00:44:21,100
was helpful, go ahead.
Share it, on your Instagram
677
00:44:21,100 --> 00:44:24,100
story, and tag us.
The handle is head to Heart
678
00:44:24,100 --> 00:44:27,600
underscore podcast.
And if you would be so kind,
679
00:44:27,700 --> 00:44:31,200
leave us a rating and review on
Apple podcasts or our website.
680
00:44:31,300 --> 00:44:33,200
It helps out the show so much
when you do.
681
00:44:34,100 --> 00:44:36,700
We'll be releasing episodes to
you every other Friday.
682
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:39,100
So stay tuned and thanks for
joining us.
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