S4E7: Feeling Behind In Life? How To Stop Measuring Your Life By Your Accomplishments

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Welcome to head to Heart
podcast.

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I'm your host Jenny Markham.
This Bi weekly podcast is

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designed to be a safe space to
admit where we truly believe in

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our hearts.
There's a huge difference

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between having biblical
knowledge floating around in our

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heads and actually believing
that it's true.

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Until God's truth makes its way
into our hearts.

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Nothing changes will be doing a
mix of solo episodes and

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interviews with friends.
Those who have experienced the

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freedom that comes, when head
knowledge becomes heart.

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Knowledge will talk about
overcoming lies in our

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relationships, mental health
struggles and the way we see

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ourselves, the truth will set
you free so that you can walk

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every day in the freedom.
God desires for you.

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It's time to let go of those
pressures insecurities and

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burdens.
That's not yours to carry.

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Thanks for joining us.
Welcome back to head to Heart

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podcast.
I'm your host, Danny Marcum and

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it is my joy to be bringing you
an episode.

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And this episode, I am
interviewing the second

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International guests.
I've ever interviewed the first

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guest that I interviewed was
Kate Petrie.

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She's from Canada and now we
have Mary Ellen with us.

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Who is in Australia?
Correct.

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Mario that is right.
I'm in Sydney Australia.

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Well, I'm I'm so honored to be
your second International guess

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that is so awesome.
It's a Like no for me too.

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Would you mind?
Just introducing yourself.

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Tell us a little bit about who
you are.

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What you do, family, fun fact.
Anything else you want to add?

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Yeah, sure that's all.
Thank you so much for having me

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on today.
I'm it's such an honor to be

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here.
So I am Mary Ellen.

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I live in Sydney Australia with
my husband.

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Josh, it's just the two of us.
No kids yet, but yeah, I work as

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a freelance writer and
illustrator from home.

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That's My main thing mainly
works like Christian

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organizations and nonprofits at
this point, but the other thing

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I do is I'm an artist.
So I paint pictures share like

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words and poetry on my Instagram
and I also like to dabble in

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YouTube.
You said like a fun fact about

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me.
Yeah.

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Right.
Anything you want to help?

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Um, well, let me say I have
owned close to 200 cats in my

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lifetime.
What?

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I know random people always
like, what the heck?

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That's amazing.
Yeah, my when I grew up my

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family bread Ragdoll kittens.
So I'm a big cat person, not

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that I'm like against dogs.
But yes, love cats and have

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grown up with a lot of kittens
around.

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So, yeah, fun fact, I literally
was doing math in my head of,

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like, how could this be?
That's not possible.

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Yeah, granted it is over about a
20-year period so like you know,

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it kind of evens out but uh,
yeah.

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Okay.
Wow, that's a good one.

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I will say it one of the better
fun facts I've heard actually, I

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think you very much.
Okay, so Mary Ellen, what have

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you been set free from?
I love this question so much I

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think is just so to the point
just to answer that in a

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question I would say that I've
been set free from the work

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equals worth equation.
That's so many of us get caught

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up in to I guess elaborate on
that leg.

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We live in a post industrial
capitalist Society to use all

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those big fancy words.
But in our society, like people

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are praised for their
productivity for how hard they

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work, you know, we get
promotions.

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The workplace was just
structured on that basis.

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And I grew up with a lot of
anxiety around this.

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When I was, for example, in
primary school.

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I think you call it Elementary
School in the states, I guess.

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Cool.
I was a big fish in a small,

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More pain.
So I went to a small Christian

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School, beautiful school, but I
developed this kind of a and

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it's funny what things we
develop from childhood that we

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like carry into our adult lives.
Hey, but yeah, I developed this

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kind of complex where I had to
be the best and I had to be

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perfect and I was always praised
for like getting A's or you know

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coming first in the class that
kind of thing.

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So yeah I sort of had that
complex and because of that I

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was really anxious and all
Throughout high school as well.

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I had this desperate need to
prove myself, you know, to work

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hard and get the accolades and
the rewards that came with that.

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And as a result, I sort of
developed social anxiety because

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I felt like all of my
friendships were like shallow

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surface level.
Like they only liked me because

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I could give them stuff for
because, you know, I was that a

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grade student sort of a thing
and I even carried us into uni

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or college and by you Dude, I
want to feel free.

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I mean, it's all yours.
Yes, sir.

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In in University I studied
something that I didn't really

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enjoy.
I studied law because I wanted

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to prove my, you know, work
equals worth equation.

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I wanted to show off.
How intelligent or capable I was

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whatever but for those five
years that I study that I did

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finish but I have never used
that degree and hated.

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Every minute of it.
No hate to lawyers out there.

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I so admire what you do?
I think it's amazing but it's

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just not for me.
And so, yeah, I was kind of

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depressed, had a lot of anxiety
around it and then God sort of

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carried me out of that.
And here I am, like, five years

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later and I'm an illustrator and
a writer.

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So like go figure.
But yeah, it's been a journey.

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Definitely.
Well, those are completely

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opposite things to be an artist
and a price and yet you studied

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law.
Yes.

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And when I would like, reflect
on how that kind of happens,

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like, I was always into art.
I was always a creative and

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going from high school into uni.
I really wanted to study art and

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graphic design and that kind of
thing.

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But I was sort of advised.
No, no.

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You've got the good grade, you
should do something more

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difficult.
So I It's like, prove myself but

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then I sort of failed things and
there was one point in that

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experience during you anywhere.
I just got out of like a

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four-year relationship just
broken up with someone.

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I just lost my job, I just found
out that my uni had like stuffed

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up my degree.
So I had to like, do another six

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months, I was miserable had no
friends.

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And so it's funny how God uses
like, our really low points to

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bring us out and teach us.
And so, there was sort of a

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six-month period during my uni,
like, Toward the end of it.

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Where I was really low.
I did a lot of journaling and

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God just met me where I was at.
He came so close and I had just

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this most intense beautiful
relationship with him and ever

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since then I've sort of just
yeah walked in my true identity.

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Who I Am Not Who everyone else
wants me to be.

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So you graduated uni if what
we'll call it that your

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university around age, 23 and
then in those two years, how old

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are you now?
Mary Ellen.

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I'm 26 now.
Okay, so in between 23 and 25,

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what did your life consists of?
If it changed so much between

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what you studied and what you
actually did?

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Yeah.
And I got man, God is so good.

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He led me in so many ways.
I guess the main thing that

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consist my life consisted of in
those two years was I was

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working at a magazine Christian
magazine as a writer graphic

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design, I kind of just because
the thing is, I'd always dabbled

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in those things on the side
during uni.

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So for example, I was part of
the Law Society on campus, but I

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was there like graphic designer
Communications specialist.

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So I was, you know, doing all
the designs and stuff.

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So I always knew I wanted to do
it and one of my best friends.

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And mums actually worked at this
magazine, and she said, hey,

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we're hiring, you should apply
because I know you've got these

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skills, and I was like, okay,
cool.

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So I did and I got the job and
then, yeah, I spent it was close

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to three years.
Actually working there, look, I

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loved it.
I eventually sort of realized

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that God had bigger plans for me
and that I was sort of yeah

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stagnating there a little bit.
But it taught me so much and

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it's really the reason that I've
been able to launch into my

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freelance kind of cool.
A quote-unquote now.

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Yeah, that's what I was doing.
Yeah, and so when you turn 25,

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yeah I know from just the
content you've created, that's

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on YouTube and blog posts.
So when you turn 25, you

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mentioned feeling kind of a
quarter life crisis in a way.

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So can you define what quarter
life crisis is first for any

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listeners?
Who not familiar with that term?

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Okay.
And then talk to us, a little

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about what that felt like.
Like for you.

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Yeah, sure.
So I guess a quarter life crisis

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for those, I mean, feel like
everyone can kind of into it,

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what that means, but there are
sort of a set of unspoken rules

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that we hold as a society every
society probably has different

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rules but typically when you're
in your 20s you're meant to

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study something.
Get a job, you love and money.

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Maybe get married or be in a
long-term relationship.

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Hopefully get a place to live
somewhere.

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There's just all these check
boxes that we like to to take

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off, right?
And a quarter like quarter, life

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crisis can happen when you take
some time and look at your life

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and realize, hey, I haven't
ticked off as many of these

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things, as I should have by.
Now, a society deems normal by.

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Now, I'm looking around it on my
friends and they're all, they're

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all in relationships or they're
all got jobs that they love.

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I don't know what I'm doing, so
I'm having a quarter life crisis

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and so when I was going through
mine, I guess.

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It's sort of difficult to even
Define it as such because you

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could have multiple quarter.
Life crisis, right?

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It's not just like this one
intense period.

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It can be an extended thing to
be repeated thing.

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But yeah, when I was having my
own I felt just really anxious.

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I think, generally speaking
because I didn't know what I was

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really doing, which sounds so
dumb because at the time I I

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just got married.
I just moved into a new place.

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I was working full-time at this
magazine job, but I just felt

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unsettled like there was more
for me and that I hadn't sort of

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Load.
What?

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I felt God?
Deep down, was calling me to,

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sorry?
I was this, this unsettling time

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of life.
I mean, you're right, it doesn't

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have to happen.
Just when someone turns 25, you

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know, it's like quarter of your
life if you want to say.

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But I relate to those feelings,
I think last.

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Okay.
I'm going to turn 24 really

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soon.
I think, when I was 22, I was

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feeling those things.
And my life had just taken a

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really big shift, like, I got
married.

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We moved into an apartment and
then I started like two new jobs

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so I relate to that unsettled
feeling of like I'm doing these

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things and they're all new.
But is this what I'm supposed to

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be doing or am I really like
fulfilling my purpose and but

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we're still so young so it's a
lot of pressure to put on us.

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Definitely and this is the thing
as well because it's actually

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not even about the things that
you have achieved or not

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achieved.
I think the reason that we

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Variance this feeling,
especially in our mid-20s is

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because for all of our life up
until that point, we've been in

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primary school high school
University.

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So, all of those things, you
know, they're very structured.

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You've got your cohort, your
peers, they're all the same age

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as you that all doing the same
things as you even at Uni which

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is like a bit more flexible a
bit more you got a bit more

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Independence and choice you're
still in a 4 year, 5 year,

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whatever it is degree that
you're completing.

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So you've got exams, you've got
things to tick off.

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And then suddenly you turn 20
something, right?

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And you're sort of spat out into
the real world and suddenly

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realize, hey, like there are no
rules anymore.

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I might have a boss who's
telling me what to do, but I can

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go home and stay up whenever I
want.

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I can eat cereal for dinner.
Like, it's just, it's wild,

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right?
Yeah.

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And so, you sort of you freak
out, and you like, is this

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normal?
I need someone to tell me it's

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normal, but there's no one to do
that.

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Because the only people doing
that of the people around, you

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going through the same thing
because they used to define what

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normal is and now.
The ones doing their own thing.

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So yeah, it's it's weird.
Huh, you're right, you're right.

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And then we're surrounded by,
not just people who are our

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exact age and in our exact
grade, but we may be surrounded

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by people who are 30 40 to a
little bit older than us.

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Maybe a little bit younger than
us.

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No one's doing the same exact
thing.

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It is whole nother thing.
Absolutely.

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Yeah.
And it's also kind of unsettling

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sometimes because there's not
only the people in real life.

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If but then there's the people
on social media that you're

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looking at as well.
And you see these you know 18

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year olds with 20 million
followers on Tick Tock and

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you're like, I'm such a failure.
What is my life?

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You know, there's that kind of
pressure as well which is

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probably not fair.
Yeah.

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Yeah.
A lot of pressure so I think

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that's one of the things we can
identify.

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Okay.
That social media for sure is a

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contributor contributor for this
feeling of not being good

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enough.
Enough for the stage in your

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life.
Can you identify anything else

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that was causing you to compare
your life paste to other

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people's life Pace?
Yeah, totally I would say if I

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want to get deep about it, like
social media is totally one that

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we can all take off the
listening.

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Everyone struggles with that.
But for me, personally, when I

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look deep down at the root cause
of it, it was just a lack of

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trust in God's plan for me.
Because again, when I At this

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work equals worth equation.
I felt only valuable when I was

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productive and I was achieving
things and like yes, I've

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overcome that to a large extent,
but I feel like I will always

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struggle with that.
Just a little bit got to set me

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free, and he will always be
setting me free from that.

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But yeah, I felt like I had to
do all the heavy lifting, God

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might have a plan for me, but I
have to get up off the couch and

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like, work hard and do this and
hustle here and and whatever.

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And God's been teaching me.
That actually, in order for me

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to use you Marilyn you Have to
say no to things, you have to

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rest, you have to take time
away.

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So that's been one lesson.
But yeah, a lack of trust in

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God's plan for me, specifically,
was causing me to compare my

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life.
And then the other thing I think

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and I think actually a lot of
Christian girls struggle with

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this.
I see a lot in my own Circle

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struggling struggling with this
is that I didn't recognize my

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own unique characteristics, my
own special personality, and who

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I was because growing Up in the
church I think.

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And like not even just the
church, just in society in

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general we have rules about who
we should be and what we should

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look like.
But especially in the church

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girls are meant to sort of be
people pleases and it's meant to

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act a certain way and look a
certain way and be gentle and

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00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:29,400
this and that and the other I
tried to fit into a mold that I

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thought was appropriate that I
thought God would be proud of,

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you know, like the people at
church would be proud of this.

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00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:40,100
Good little Christian girl and I
didn't acknowledge or take up

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00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:42,900
the the space that I think I was
worthy of it.

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00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:47,200
The time I was trying to, for
example, you know, get a

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nine-to-five job and now I look
at myself and I'm like, but I'm

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00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:54,900
a creative I'm like this spastic
person who's just always, you

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00:15:54,900 --> 00:15:57,100
know, got different ideas and I
just don't work.

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Yeah, timeline kind of things.
So I didn't recognize the gifts

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that God had given me in the
personality that God had given

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me.
And I didn't yet allow myself to

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take up the space that I had the
right to if that makes sense.

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Yeah.
Yeah, that makes perfect sense.

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00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:17,500
So how did you start to
cultivate joy and contentment

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00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:19,700
with right where you were at at
the time?

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00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,700
Yeah, great question.
I think and this is a bit of a

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00:16:23,700 --> 00:16:26,700
buzz word thing.
It has been, I think especially

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00:16:26,700 --> 00:16:29,600
like during the pandemic I saw a
lot of content about it on

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00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:33,100
social media and stuff but
gratitude, right being grateful,

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00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:35,900
focusing on what you do have
rather than what you don't and

303
00:16:35,900 --> 00:16:39,000
it sounds way simplistic and I
was always a bit skeptical of it

304
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:43,700
before I started Practicing it.
But now I do a lot of journaling

305
00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:46,600
and gratitude is a big part of
that.

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00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,800
So I sort of nurture myself and
I'll leave in like right to

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00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,100
myself, be like Mary Ellen.
I'm so proud of you be and we

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00:16:52,100 --> 00:16:54,600
can be so grateful for this.
We can be so grateful for that

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00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:59,100
but when it comes to Joy, I
think yeah gratitude is one

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00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:01,600
thing.
But the Bible talks a lot about

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Joy coming from the Lord
directly.

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00:17:04,700 --> 00:17:08,400
Nehemiah 8:10 talks about the
joy of the Lord is my strength,

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00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:12,300
some 16 talks about, God's
presence being the fullness of

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00:17:12,300 --> 00:17:15,800
joy.
And when I was really caught up

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00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:20,700
in this whole work equals worth
thing, I was exhausted, I was

316
00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:24,000
burnt out, I always felt like
every single spare minute of my

317
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:29,400
day had to be filled with
something productive but since

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00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:33,700
then I've learned to keep the
Sabbath as kind of talked about

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00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:37,300
in The Ten Commandments, right?
And I actually grew up like in a

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00:17:37,308 --> 00:17:40,100
denomination where we do quote
on quote keep Sabbath but like

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00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,800
Like, I never understood what
that was.

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00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:47,200
And so now I keep it and I spend
24 hours every single week, just

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00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,900
being just like resting sitting
on the couch, being out in

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00:17:50,900 --> 00:17:56,500
nature, whatever it is.
And I'm no longer kind of afraid

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00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:59,300
of spending that quiet time
because I used to have all these

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00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:02,200
intrusive thoughts come in and
like I used to get anxious being

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00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:06,200
in my own company or like, even
communing with God, but now that

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00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:11,000
I am, keeping Very much more joy
because I've realized like yes,

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00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:14,800
I can work as hard as I want to,
but I can't save myself.

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00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:18,100
You know, I can't, I might be
able to earn a salary but at the

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00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:20,100
end of the day, God is the one
in control of that.

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00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,300
God is the one giving that to
me.

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00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:25,100
So when I spend that 24 hours
with him, I sort of remember

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00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,600
where my joy comes from where my
hope comes from.

335
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:30,800
I can spend time in nature and
like, just absorb the beauty

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00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:32,400
that is around me, be in the
moment.

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00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:35,300
So, yeah, Sabbath has been a
really big thing for me and

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00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:37,400
cultivating Joy.
Mmm.

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00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:41,600
Have you read the book?
The ruthless elimination of

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00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:44,300
Harvey.
Yes, Don, my karma like this

341
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,200
one.
It's so good.

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00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:51,600
I just read it in November and
right now we're recording this

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00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:56,800
in January, it was life-changing
and his story is so compelling

344
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,800
as well.
Like being a megachurch pastor

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00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:02,200
and being burnt out and stuff.
Like I know, totally recommend

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00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,600
that book to any listener.
Who wants to be set free from

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00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:06,300
this like work equals worth
thing?

348
00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:09,200
It's yeah, it was like Changing
from 0 to totally?

349
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,500
Yes, it was so good.
Yeah, before reading that book,

350
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:16,500
I thought I had a Sabbath.
Okay.

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00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:20,000
After reading that book, I was
like, wow, I really need to

352
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:24,300
change how I do have us.
Yeah, yep, totally curious.

353
00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:29,300
What do your Sabbath now?
Look like, that's an interesting

354
00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:32,600
question.
So I am a young adult leader at

355
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:37,000
my Liquid Church sir during its
funny during the pandemic.

356
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:40,400
When we were older Harem and all
kind of like not able to go to

357
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,300
church.
I really learned what Sabbath

358
00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:45,500
meant because I didn't have any
obligations or like things that

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00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:50,000
I had to do.
Now, I really just try and spend

360
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,800
time with God in the morning, I
try and get out in nature as

361
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:56,200
much as possible and it's
there's a lot of social time,

362
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,500
right?
So Sabbath is like, my social

363
00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:01,400
day to spend, with friends, we
laugh, we have food together.

364
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:04,300
We just commute and just, you
know, do life together because

365
00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:07,600
so often my Sunday to Friday is
just full of work.

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00:20:07,700 --> 00:20:10,100
And I don't have time to do
that, so I love Sabbath that

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00:20:10,100 --> 00:20:13,900
reason, but yeah, I think my
ideal Sabbath would probably be

368
00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:17,600
a lot slower, a lot more just
like feeding the grass, you

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00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:21,500
know, picking my tomato plant,
making a nice salad, whatever it

370
00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:25,200
would be, really, really slow.
But I just keep Sabbath as best

371
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:28,600
I can in the situation that I'm
in my suppose, how about you,

372
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,300
how did your service look, I'm
so curious.

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00:20:30,700 --> 00:20:37,200
Well, my Sabbath originally
looked like kind of spending the

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00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:40,800
day at Home.
And it looked like I had I

375
00:20:40,808 --> 00:20:43,200
couldn't do it on Sundays.
How to do it on Saturdays?

376
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,700
Because some days, I was like, I
go to church.

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00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:51,000
So feels kind of like a little
bit of an obligation, not saying

378
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:54,000
it's not restful, but I am
saying, like, I do have to be

379
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,900
somewhere at a time.
A certain time, you know?

380
00:20:56,200 --> 00:21:02,100
Yeah, so on Saturdays, I would
just kind of do relaxing,

381
00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:07,500
quote-unquote things, but I'd
still be on my phone a lot.

382
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:11,100
I would not necessarily make it
a priority to go outside and

383
00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:14,100
enjoy nature.
I would just kind of take a

384
00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:18,300
break, it was almost like I was
removing myself from home work

385
00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:23,700
from my job but I wasn't like
replacing that time with

386
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:26,600
anything super life-giving.
I say yep.

387
00:21:26,700 --> 00:21:31,700
And so after that book by John
Mark Comer I decided I was like

388
00:21:31,700 --> 00:21:35,000
I have to like fill that time
with things I really deeply

389
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:38,100
enjoy.
So now I make sure I'm not My

390
00:21:38,100 --> 00:21:41,700
phone on my Sabbath.
That's a huge stressor removed

391
00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:43,500
right there.
Yes, yep.

392
00:21:43,900 --> 00:21:50,400
And then make sure I'm going
outside and I just try to think.

393
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,900
Okay?
What maybe life-giving for me.

394
00:21:52,900 --> 00:21:55,900
One week, may not feel
life-giving to me the next week

395
00:21:55,900 --> 00:21:59,900
depending on the week I've had.
So that could be having a meal

396
00:21:59,900 --> 00:22:05,600
with friends or it could be just
being by myself and spending

397
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,400
most of my days in solitude, it
could be either one of those

398
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:15,000
depending on the week.
Can I ask you a question?

399
00:22:15,700 --> 00:22:19,700
What's holding you back?
Do you have a fear of failure or

400
00:22:19,700 --> 00:22:23,000
rejection in your career?
Are you burnt out?

401
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,300
Or do you have conflict in your
marriage that you can't seem to

402
00:22:25,308 --> 00:22:28,100
get past?
Do you need to be discipled?

403
00:22:28,100 --> 00:22:31,800
As you go through life,
transition Kate Petrie was a

404
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:35,700
guest on this podcast and she's
a coach that helps leaders be

405
00:22:35,700 --> 00:22:38,700
transformed in Christ.
So they can serve others with

406
00:22:38,700 --> 00:22:41,700
clear, strategy and confidence.
Those are two things.

407
00:22:41,700 --> 00:22:45,200
We all need a little bit more.
Right, you may be wondering, she

408
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:47,500
coaches leaders.
So how do I know if I'm a

409
00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:50,500
leader?
A leader is just simply someone

410
00:22:50,500 --> 00:22:54,900
who serves others so you could
be a mom and employee and in

411
00:22:54,900 --> 00:22:58,200
turn a Ministry.
Volunteer, any role that serves

412
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:01,400
other people.
Take coaches, our clients to

413
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:05,300
evaluate their fears and shift
their mindset to follow God's

414
00:23:05,300 --> 00:23:07,200
word.
So they could overcome whatever

415
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:10,100
is getting in the way of their
goals and dreams because

416
00:23:10,100 --> 00:23:12,500
transformation doesn't happen
alone, right?

417
00:23:13,100 --> 00:23:15,900
You need to have the right
people around you to support you

418
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:19,000
and ask you the right and
sometimes difficult questions.

419
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,400
I know.
I would not be who I am or where

420
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:25,300
I am today without the right
people and coaches in my life.

421
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,700
You can book an absolutely free
Discovery call with Kate today,

422
00:23:29,900 --> 00:23:32,500
where you'll find clarity about
what's holding you back,

423
00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:36,400
strategic steps to start moving
forward, and a lot of

424
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:40,200
encouragement in your god-given
purpose, so you can go to Cape

425
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,600
Petrie.com coaching to book your
free.

426
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:46,000
Call today and don't worry, I
already put the link in the show

427
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,800
notes for you.
So go ahead book, your free call

428
00:23:48,900 --> 00:23:50,900
and we'll jump right back into
your episode.

429
00:23:54,900 --> 00:23:56,200
Yeah.
Actually, when it comes to

430
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,900
Sabbath, there's a metaphor I
would love to share if we have

431
00:23:58,900 --> 00:24:03,200
time once like I grew up,
keeping Sabbath but I never

432
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:06,400
understood what that meant as I
and I said and I once had this

433
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,700
pasta talk about it in a sense
that imagine that there are two

434
00:24:09,700 --> 00:24:14,300
brothers and both of them grew
up, surfing, they living in

435
00:24:14,300 --> 00:24:16,500
Byron Bay, they like loving this
surfing Life.

436
00:24:17,300 --> 00:24:20,800
One of the brothers, goes and
becomes an accountant, but the

437
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:24,200
other brother goes and becomes a
Sessional Surfer, right?

438
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,900
He's in competitions he's like
winning all the medals and

439
00:24:26,900 --> 00:24:29,700
stuff.
Now a Sabbath comes around and

440
00:24:29,700 --> 00:24:33,500
both of these brothers, go to
the beach and the accountants

441
00:24:33,500 --> 00:24:37,400
brother is like yes the surf.
It's so replenishing for me.

442
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:39,800
It brings back all these
wonderful childhood memories of

443
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:42,700
find it.
Relaxing I'm going to go out and

444
00:24:42,700 --> 00:24:45,500
praise God in the surf.
I'm going to go surf am going to

445
00:24:45,500 --> 00:24:50,300
have a great time whereas the
other Competitive Surfer.

446
00:24:50,500 --> 00:24:52,900
He's like, hmmm.
See when I go out into the surf,

447
00:24:52,900 --> 00:24:55,000
I find it a stressful
experience, I'm trying to

448
00:24:55,008 --> 00:24:56,800
perform.
I'm trying to like affect my

449
00:24:56,800 --> 00:25:01,300
craft, so I'm going to stay in
worship on the sand and so just

450
00:25:01,300 --> 00:25:03,100
to illustrate that like you're
so right.

451
00:25:03,100 --> 00:25:06,200
Some weeks we've had like an
accounting job we can we just

452
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:09,100
want to get out in nature and we
just want to shred some waves or

453
00:25:09,100 --> 00:25:11,500
whatever.
But other weeks, we've had a

454
00:25:11,500 --> 00:25:13,600
really busy week all out in
nature and we just want to stay

455
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:16,500
at home and drink a cup of hot
cocoa or something, you know.

456
00:25:16,900 --> 00:25:20,000
So it's just What about doing
something that brings you Joy

457
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,900
that you don't get to do during
your normal week?

458
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,700
Yeah, so good.
That is so good.

459
00:25:28,100 --> 00:25:31,100
Especially for extroverts and I
love people but maybe I need a

460
00:25:31,100 --> 00:25:33,500
long time ago.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

461
00:25:34,700 --> 00:25:39,300
So I am so curious what your you
want to expound on for this next

462
00:25:39,300 --> 00:25:43,900
question, because I've been
trying to articulate this in my

463
00:25:43,900 --> 00:25:49,500
own life, but how can we balance
being Content in the present

464
00:25:49,500 --> 00:25:54,100
being you know cultivating
gratitude like we mentioned not

465
00:25:54,100 --> 00:25:57,500
striving to be somewhere else of
moment but be content where

466
00:25:57,500 --> 00:26:01,700
we're at in life while
simultaneously working towards

467
00:26:01,700 --> 00:26:06,100
our desires or goals that we
have for the future man.

468
00:26:06,100 --> 00:26:08,000
Say you just all such good
questions.

469
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:13,200
I always I'm so impressed by the
depth of your questions so yeah,

470
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:16,000
this is something I used to
struggle with a lot like being

471
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:19,200
content right now.
Now, but like seeing where I

472
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:23,000
could be an even like trying to
be happy for other people who

473
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:25,800
are achieving all their goals.
When I'm not like you want to be

474
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:29,300
happy for them but you're like
oh like I wish I'm so jealous,

475
00:26:29,300 --> 00:26:31,900
that kind of thing.
The first thing that really

476
00:26:31,900 --> 00:26:34,800
really helped me in that process
was as I sort of mentioned

477
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:40,200
before.
Recognizing my own uniqueness in

478
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:43,400
Christ, recognizing that I'm not
like anyone else.

479
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:45,100
I'm going to move at my own
pace.

480
00:26:45,100 --> 00:26:50,600
Life is not a competition.
I have Unique voice and I'm just

481
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:52,700
beautiful to God.
I'm uniquely crafted, right?

482
00:26:52,700 --> 00:26:57,100
Sir just living in that reality.
Frees me up so much to just live

483
00:26:57,100 --> 00:27:01,000
life at my own pace.
However, when it comes to, like

484
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:03,800
setting goals for the future,
but also being content with.

485
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:07,100
Now, this sounds really like
morbid.

486
00:27:07,100 --> 00:27:14,100
Maybe, but when you be, when you
become, when you become aware of

487
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:18,600
your mortality and your need for
Christ to literally like Put

488
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:21,500
breath in your lungs.
Every single day to make your

489
00:27:21,500 --> 00:27:25,400
heart beat like life is a
miracle, right?

490
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:27,900
Every day that we wake up, it's
like a gift.

491
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:32,400
And so, beginning to operate
from that mindset, I'm like,

492
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,500
well, my goals for the future,
fantastic bit.

493
00:27:35,500 --> 00:27:37,700
Like I can't control any of
that.

494
00:27:37,700 --> 00:27:41,000
Like God forbid, any of us could
be hit by a bus tomorrow, you

495
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:42,400
know.
My life could be over.

496
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:46,000
So I'm happy to plan toward the
future and that's fine.

497
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:49,500
That's a good thing but I have
to be content and happy and what

498
00:27:49,500 --> 00:27:53,400
I'm doing now and if for
whatever reason what I'm doing

499
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:56,600
right now is not enjoyable at
all, in order to get to that

500
00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:58,400
goal.
I'm going to revisit that

501
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:02,200
because I want to be enjoying
the process because again, life

502
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:04,100
is transient.
Who knows what's going to happen

503
00:28:04,100 --> 00:28:06,300
tomorrow?
I want to be enjoying as many

504
00:28:06,300 --> 00:28:10,300
movements as I can in my day and
like, adjust my goals

505
00:28:10,300 --> 00:28:13,300
accordingly.
So, yeah, that's that's, I guess

506
00:28:13,300 --> 00:28:15,900
what I would share.
But you said, you've wrestled

507
00:28:15,900 --> 00:28:17,500
with this question of it as
well.

508
00:28:18,500 --> 00:28:22,400
Yeah, I like what you said it
because it implies that our

509
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:26,900
goals are not something.
We have to keep with a death

510
00:28:26,900 --> 00:28:30,300
grip.
You know, we, if we like you

511
00:28:30,300 --> 00:28:34,100
said earlier, genuinely trust.
That God has good plans for us.

512
00:28:34,500 --> 00:28:38,300
We can hold our goals with Open
Hands knowing that, no matter

513
00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:42,800
what happens, we will be okay.
I love that open hand, but such

514
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:44,900
a beautiful picture.
Yeah, definitely.

515
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:49,500
For me, I literally been
thinking to myself, you know,

516
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:53,000
I'm so happy.
The Lord has cultivated

517
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:57,700
contentment within me and taught
me how to do that and that I've

518
00:28:57,700 --> 00:29:01,300
grown so much but then I've been
thinking.

519
00:29:01,300 --> 00:29:05,600
Well, is it wrong for me to have
goals or how do I know that I'm

520
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:11,200
I'm not holding on to those
goals and dreams too tightly but

521
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:15,100
yet still moving towards them.
So I've just been thinking about

522
00:29:15,100 --> 00:29:18,400
that and God's been reminding
me, you know, like I never said

523
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:23,700
to not have goals.
I started running do not dream

524
00:29:23,900 --> 00:29:29,700
and to not want more, but it is
possible to be content and yet,

525
00:29:29,700 --> 00:29:32,400
still want more in the future.
Yep.

526
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,200
Absolutely.
And I love what you said as

527
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:37,100
well, because something that
I've learned is that God

528
00:29:37,100 --> 00:29:41,200
actually on has our desires.
I think a lot of the time at

529
00:29:41,208 --> 00:29:43,800
least for me personally I saw my
desires.

530
00:29:44,300 --> 00:29:47,100
Like I want to be an artist.
Store, I want to, you know,

531
00:29:47,100 --> 00:29:50,700
write books.
That is not being like helpful

532
00:29:50,700 --> 00:29:53,100
to anyone and not like
glorifying God as much as it

533
00:29:53,100 --> 00:29:56,500
should.
But actually, when you are happy

534
00:29:56,500 --> 00:30:00,000
and you were seeking after the
things that you desire, that's

535
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,000
like the best expression of
God's love, right.

536
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:04,500
God's joy in you because you're
just living your best life.

537
00:30:04,900 --> 00:30:08,300
And so, yeah, just realizing
that God cares about what you

538
00:30:08,300 --> 00:30:10,600
want and he wants you to have
goals is also a freeing thing as

539
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:13,200
well.
Yeah, you're right.

540
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:15,400
Good point.
So what fine.

541
00:30:15,500 --> 00:30:18,000
Little encouragement.
Would you give to a listener?

542
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:21,400
Who is currently feeling
discouraged with where she's at

543
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:23,600
in life right now?
What would you just say to her

544
00:30:23,900 --> 00:30:26,100
to give her the best pep talk of
your life?

545
00:30:26,300 --> 00:30:29,500
Yeah, totally.
Well, first of all, you're not

546
00:30:29,500 --> 00:30:33,000
alone, I have been there.
I will be there in the future

547
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:36,000
like this is a universal
experience and it's totally

548
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,100
normal.
So don't feel like you can't

549
00:30:38,300 --> 00:30:41,900
share with someone or like
quote-unquote burden them with

550
00:30:41,900 --> 00:30:44,800
what you're going through
because yeah to be able to

551
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:47,300
connect about this.
Because just such a cathartic

552
00:30:47,300 --> 00:30:51,400
experience, right?
But I guess, what I would say is

553
00:30:51,700 --> 00:30:55,900
like, you may not believe it,
and it may feel wrong for you,

554
00:30:55,900 --> 00:30:59,600
even say this, but you are
exactly where you need to be.

555
00:31:00,300 --> 00:31:03,400
You're exactly where you need to
be because God's timing is

556
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:06,400
perfect.
And the Bible is very biblical.

557
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:08,800
The Bible says that almost word
for word and Daniel, I think it

558
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:12,000
is.
And so, we don't understand that

559
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:14,600
and we can't comprehend that
like God lives in probably

560
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:18,200
infinite dimensions.
We live in for and so God is

561
00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:21,100
going to use whatever experience
you're going through, whatever

562
00:31:21,100 --> 00:31:23,600
disappointment or even good
things that you're going through

563
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,700
to grow you and teach you and
like, life is not a competition.

564
00:31:26,700 --> 00:31:29,100
So you are exactly where you
need to be.

565
00:31:29,900 --> 00:31:33,100
But the other thing I would say
is like, as a very practical

566
00:31:33,100 --> 00:31:35,600
tool.
Something that helped me was

567
00:31:36,100 --> 00:31:40,500
thinking about how proud my five
year old version of me would be

568
00:31:40,500 --> 00:31:45,200
of me, right?
So just the fact that, you know

569
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:47,500
where, Most of us probably in
out 20s, maybe graduating

570
00:31:47,500 --> 00:31:50,800
college, whatever and we have
two adult now, but that's a hard

571
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:53,700
thing, right?
And you'll five-year-old self

572
00:31:53,700 --> 00:31:56,600
would be like, well, this is
this, girl, this guy, he's so

573
00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:58,600
cool.
Like I want to be there when I

574
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:02,400
grow up and there's actually
like it's a fairly low barrier

575
00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:05,500
to entry for that sort of things
I've year old think well I guess

576
00:32:05,500 --> 00:32:09,800
so cool.
But also like, you know God

577
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:12,600
loves you more than you could
ever conceive or imagine

578
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:16,700
regardless of what you do but
also So what you don't do,

579
00:32:17,100 --> 00:32:19,800
whatever your desires or your
dreams are like there's no

580
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:22,100
hierarchy here.
Nothing you can do or do or make

581
00:32:22,100 --> 00:32:24,400
God love you any more or any
less.

582
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:28,100
And so I think when you truly
internalize that and like that's

583
00:32:28,100 --> 00:32:29,900
a journey I'm still on that
Journey.

584
00:32:29,900 --> 00:32:33,100
So like I don't think we can
ever finish that Journey but

585
00:32:33,100 --> 00:32:37,300
that gives you the freedom to
pursue whatever your dreams are

586
00:32:37,300 --> 00:32:40,100
no matter what anyone thinks.
So yeah.

587
00:32:40,100 --> 00:32:41,800
So I was probably a bit of a
long pep talk.

588
00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:48,000
Great pep, talk it.
Like what you're saying in some

589
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:53,400
of that is that it is normal for
us all to go at our natural

590
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:55,300
Paces.
Yeah.

591
00:32:55,500 --> 00:32:59,400
Absolutely.
We will all do different things.

592
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:03,900
Probably.
So it's normal that you're not

593
00:33:03,900 --> 00:33:07,000
going to be at the same place as
the person next to you.

594
00:33:07,700 --> 00:33:10,300
Yeah.
And again just your 20s or the

595
00:33:10,300 --> 00:33:13,000
time where you have to learn
that and that's a tough thing to

596
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:14,800
learn because you've been
programmed your whole life to

597
00:33:14,808 --> 00:33:18,100
think differently.
Only but I think yeah the more

598
00:33:18,100 --> 00:33:21,800
that time goes on and the more
that you just adults, basically

599
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:25,300
the easier it gets because you
realize that you know you can be

600
00:33:25,500 --> 00:33:28,300
35 and living in your parents
basement and then suddenly you

601
00:33:28,300 --> 00:33:30,500
have like a multi-million dollar
business and overnight like your

602
00:33:30,500 --> 00:33:33,000
life changes and like the
opposite can also be true.

603
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:36,200
You can be totally successful in
the next day, you can lose your

604
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:39,500
job or bad things can happen.
So like life is transient, we

605
00:33:39,500 --> 00:33:42,300
should never compare to anyone
else because we don't know what

606
00:33:42,300 --> 00:33:43,800
struggles.
They're secretly going through

607
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:45,400
what they will, go through in
the future as well.

608
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:46,600
Sir.
Yep.

609
00:33:46,700 --> 00:33:48,100
What's your point?
Yeah.

610
00:33:48,100 --> 00:33:50,200
Mary Ellen.
I cannot thank you enough for

611
00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:53,000
being our second, International
guests, on head to heart.

612
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,200
It was so fun.
It was such a privilege.

613
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:57,400
Thank you so much.
This was a great chat.

614
00:33:57,400 --> 00:33:59,000
I could chat about this for
forever.

615
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,800
So yeah, thanks Jenny.
And I'll make sure to link

616
00:34:01,900 --> 00:34:06,000
everything social everything on
the internet where people could

617
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:07,400
find you, I will link those on
the show.

618
00:34:07,900 --> 00:34:13,800
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for listening

619
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:15,900
to this episode of head to our
podcast.

620
00:34:16,100 --> 00:34:18,199
It's a joy to record them and a
joy to have you.

621
00:34:18,199 --> 00:34:22,500
Listen, I love hearing from you.
So if any part of this episode

622
00:34:22,500 --> 00:34:24,900
was helpful, go ahead.
Share it, on your Instagram

623
00:34:24,900 --> 00:34:27,900
story, and tag us.
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624
00:34:27,900 --> 00:34:31,400
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625
00:34:31,500 --> 00:34:35,000
leave us a rating and review on
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626
00:34:35,100 --> 00:34:37,100
It helps out the show so much
when you do.

627
00:34:37,900 --> 00:34:40,600
We'll be releasing episodes to
you every other Friday.

628
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:42,900
So stay tuned and thanks for
joining us.