Voice Memo Guy: Consent, Coercion, and Boundaries

Have you heard about the infamous TikTok Voice Memo Guy?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O’Malley and Dr. Liz Powell fill you in on all the details, some questionable twists, and their thoughts on how weird it is to schedule getting laid via voice memo.

A few months ago, a guy sent a voice memo to a woman he’d gone on a date with, saying that if their second date wasn’t going to end with them in bed together, there was no point in going at all. His message points out a larger problem in our dating culture: we teach men to center their own pleasure over their partner’s pleasure, comfort, or even safety. What initially might sound blunt and straightforward starts looking a lot more like coercion when you listen closely.

Get ready for:

• Why wanting to get laid early in dating isn’t inherently wrong (and neither is wanting to wait)
• How to talk about physical compatibility without pressure
• The FRIES model of consent
• Why being upfront about what you want gets you better matches

Before you start sending thinly veiled demands to get laid, listen to the episode and take some notes. You’ll get so much further with curiosity than entitlement.

Time Stamps

00:00 - Welcome!
01:11 - TikTok’s “Voice Memo Guy”
02:15 - “If I’m not getting laid, what’s the point?”
04:37 - The FRIES model for consent
07:45 - You can’t pre-consent to intimacy
12:05 - Wanting to get laid isn’t wrong; the approach can be
13:57 - Don’t dangle dating as a reward for getting laid
20:24 - Men aren’t the only ones into casual hookups
23:00 - Our culture teaches men to center their own pleasure
24:30 - How to talk about physical compatibility in a healthy way
25:27 - There’s a difference between boundaries and ultimatums
27:45 - If you want a casual hookup, just say that!
30:14 - Do you want a hookup or a conquest?
32:20 - How “boundaries” can turn into manipulation
36:02 - A twist! Was the voice memo guy using a script?
43:49 - Physical safety and communication is hot
47:45 - Can you keep flirting after someone says no?
50:56 - Curiosity vs entitlement
54:34 - How to talk about wanting a physical relationship
01:02:08 - It’s okay to be upfront about what you want
01:05:03 - Where to find Dr. Liz and Harris

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