The Truth About Jealousy in Polyamory

Have you ever set yourself up to get hurt, but you just couldn’t help yourself?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O’Malley are joined by the brilliant Jessica Daylover. Polyamorous since 2013, co-author of “Polyamory & Parenthood,” and founder of Remodeled Love and the Nuclear Fusion Network, Jessica brings all the insightful commentary on two poly relationship stories that…let’s just say aren’t exactly set up for success.

First up, they hear from a woman devastated to learn her husband called his girlfriend his best lover…which she only found out by going through his phone. Then they get into the weeds of age-gap relationships when they read a post from a 25-year-old whose 49-year-old partner is struggling with jealousy over her 34-year-old partner.

Buckle up for:

• How the Nuclear Fusion app is helping people learn how to build community

• A painful reminder that you should never go through your partner’s phone, even if you have an “open phone” agreement

• Building self-worth instead of centering yourself around your partner’s relationships

• How jealousy can get quieter when you get yourself some business

If you’re a professional self-saboteur, or you find that the things you’re intellectually okay with don’t always match up with what your nervous system says, grab a snack, get comfy, and listen up.

Who Is Jessica Daylover and How to Connect

Jessica Daylover is an educator, producer, entertainer, mystic, and mother who practices Relationship Anarchy in every area of her life. An entrepreneur since 2008, she is the founder of Remodeled Love, an online platform that helps polyamorous and poly-curious people build relationships that feel safe, sustainable, and free; and Nuclear Fusion Network, a community-building app dedicated to helping people create real, local, interdependent communities rooted in care, courage, and accountability.

Jessica’s work is rooted in expanding the cultural narrative on love, family, and parenthood—an expression of her Sagittarius Sun paired with a Cancer Moon and Ascendant, and a deep belief that connection is the true elixir of life.

Website: https://www.remodeledlove.com/

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/remodeledlove

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/remodeledlove/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/jeswiith1s

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RemodeledLove

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@remodeledlove

Time Stamps

00:00 - Welcome & introducing Jessica Daylover (Remodeled Love)

04:06 - Nuclear Fusion: an app for building community online

10:28 - The importance of learning how to be part of a village

14:19 - Mental health, nervous systems, and emotional regulation

21:39 - Building community

36:30 - Reddit story #1: “My husband said his girlfriend is his best lover”

39:57 - Best lover doesn’t automatically mean best partner

41:52 - Setting yourself up for pain in a relationship

54:45 - How different partners can meet different needs

56:41 - Emotional Aikido

01:00:27 - Reddit story #2: “My 49-year-old partner is jealous of my 34-year-old partner”

01:06:34 - First impression: red flag or not?

01:10:04 - Why age gaps aren’t always bad, but they can create problems

01:16:37 - When your values support polyamory, but your nervous system doesn’t

01:22:02 - Parallel polyamory vs kitchen table polyamory

01:23:48 - You don’t need to be perfect

01:27:53 - Taking accountability as the older person in age-gap relationships

01:36:30 - Where to find Jessica Daylover and Remodeled Love

01:39:07 - Where to find Harris and Liz

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