Hard Truths About Male Loneliness

How do you react when people tell you things you wish you’d never heard?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O’Malley and Dr. Liz Powell are joined by Evita Sawyers for a conversation about emotional responsibility, connection, desire, and what happens when people treat others like solutions instead of human beings.

First, they wade through a toxic mess where a man learns that his married father is considering buying a house with a woman he’s only been seeing for four months. Then, they chat about a post from r/Relationships, where a woman’s best friend confesses he’s been in love with her for years… even though she’s a lesbian.

Highlights of the episode:

• Why the patriarchy harms men, too

• The line between ethical polyamory and cheating

• The solution to the male loneliness epidemic

Emotional intelligence and good communication aren’t things we’re born knowing. They take self-awareness, practice, and a willingness to grow. If you’re ready to build healthier relationships, this episode is full of practical insights (and maybe an open call to make the Golden Girls for men).

Who Is Evita Sawyers and How to Connect

Evita “Lavitaloca” Sawyers is a black, queer, femme, ethical non-monogamy coach, speaker, educator, and author. She is the creator of “Today’s Polyamory Reminder,” which has inspired over 60,000 followers. She is the author of “A Polyamory Devotional-365 Daily Reflections for the Consensually Nonmonogamous". Evita is also the subject of the groundbreaking polyamorous documentary “Poly-Love”.

Website: https://www.evitasawyers.com/

Threads: https://www.threads.com/@lavitaloca34

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lavitaloca34

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/LavitalocaSawyers

Substack: https://lavitalocasawyers.substack.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lavitalocasawyers/

Time Stamps

00:00 - Welcome & introducing guest, Evita Sawyers

02:32 - Rebuilding life in your 40s

05:41 - Finding gratitude and joy even when it’s hard

09:36 - Optimistic nihilism and what we should expect from each other

14:24 - Wanting a “$1 experience for 15 cents”

16:00 - Modern dating advice, emotional intelligence, and healthy masculinity

18:37 - Patriarchy fails men, too

23:23 - Reddit story #1: r/TrueOffMyChest: “Are my parents in an open relationship?”

28:34 - Ethical non-monogamy vs cheating

34:53 - Self-abandonment and the myth of the midlife crisis

46:38 - Opening a relationship isn’t always the answer

51:15 - We’re all going to age

54:06 - Men, make friends

01:02:53 - Reddit story #2: r/Relationships: “My male best friend confessed his love, but I’m a lesbian”

01:07:19 - Nice Guy thinking and hidden agendas in friendship

01:13:34 - Unrequited love is yours to grieve

01:18:04 - Can this friendship be saved?

01:26:04 - Stop reading the teal leaves

01:27:25 - “I am worthy of unambiguous desire”

01:31:27 - You don’t need to earn love

01:33:38 - Your feelings are your responsibility

01:37:32 - If it isn’t a clear yes, it’s a no

01:39:43 - Final thoughts: Human beings just want connection

01:43:14 - Where to find Evita, Dr. Liz, and Harris

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