#25 Q&Q — What Are You Unwilling to Feel?
In this question-and-quote episode, Arnold Beekes asks a question that cuts deeper than it first sounds: what are you unwilling to feel? He draws a careful distinction from simple suppression — this isn't about emotions you don't even know you're avoiding, but ones you already know are there, deep down, that you're actively choosing not to sit with. He gives two grounded examples: knowing your work has stopped challenging you and you want something different, but refusing to feel that because of the mortgage and the kids' university fees standing in the way; and a 20-year friendship that's turned into constant complaining and blame, leaving you tired and frustrated every time, while you keep telling yourself loyalty means staying anyway. He pairs it with a quote — "A fast food mentality will not bring you three star meals" — using the appeal of fast food's instant gratification (tastes good, arrives fast, followed by a stomach ache and hunger two hours later) as a literal example, then widens it figuratively to anything worth having: fast results at the gym, a new language, or an early promotion. His point: three-star outcomes take time, effort, and discipline, and expecting the fast-food version of anything worthwhile will only work against you.
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Welcome, I'm Arnold Beekes and this is the question and quote version of the Between The Ears podcast. The goal is to enable you to unleash and use your uniqueness. Question.
What are you unwilling to feel? What are you unwilling to feel? You might say, well, it's a bit weird question. Well, it actually is a very powerful question, because there are things we, well, often we suppress our emotions or feelings. And we've done it so often that we don't even know that we're doing.
That's not what I mean. Sometimes we have a feeling, but we don't want to have that feeling. So we know deep down inside what we're feeling, but we are unwilling to feel it.
Let me give you an example. Maybe you think that in your work, there's not enough challenge. You cannot grow more.
And you really would like to grow more and do something completely different. But then you start thinking about your mortgage and your kids going to university and everything else. So what you're doing, you feel like, hey, I really should find some new paid work.
But you're unwilling to feel it. Or another example, maybe you have a friend, maybe already since you went to school together. Lately, it's always negative.
He's always criticizing people. He's always complaining about something, but he creates nothing himself. So it's always blaming other people.
So when you spend time with him, after you've done that, you feel tired and frustrated and not happy at all. And you know it. But you tell yourself, well, he's been a good friend for 20 years and I should still keep seeing him.
Or that for you, that feeling is really important. So what are you unwilling to feel? Quote. A fast food mentality will not bring you three star meals.
A fast food mentality will not bring you three star meals. Unfortunately, there's a huge growth in people eating fast food. Why is that? Because it seems to be tasting good.
It's fast. You can just go somewhere and a few minutes later you get your meal and it tastes good. And that supports your drive for instant gratification.
But maybe a little bit later you get some stomach ache. And two hours later you're hungry again. And you've been noticing lately that you're gaining some weight.
Something which will not happen with a three star meal. Because maybe the products are organic and they're prepared with your health in mind. This example is literally, but I would like you to consider this example as a matter of figuratively.
As something like, what if I expect fast results in the gym? If I expect fast food results by learning a new skill, a new language. If I expect to be, I get a new job and after six months I expect to get the promotion. No, this is not going to help you.
Actually, it will hurt you. So be aware that three star meals take time and effort and discipline. Remember, we need your uniqueness.
Be a better maker. For yourself, for others, for the world.
