EP 163 | Why It's So Hard to Explain Deconstruction

In this episode, I dive into one of the most challenging aspects of deconstruction: trying to explain it to others who haven't experienced it themselves.

I respond to a thoughtful question from a follower about how to remain committed to the church while being honest about its limitations during deconstruction. But as I share, this question itself reveals the gap between those observing deconstruction from the outside and those living through it.

What I explore in this episode:

* Why deconstruction can't be fully understood from an intellectual or conceptual level alone
* How trauma plays a central role in the deconstruction process
* Why it's impossible to "hold onto the good" while deconstructing—and why that's okay
* The difference between critiquing the church and actually deconstructing your faith
* Why deconstruction feels like drowning, like having your entire container of faith fall apart
* How my own journey with family trauma mirrors my faith deconstruction

A note on this episode: I'm less polished and articulate than usual here. The messiness itself is part of the message—deconstruction is disorganised, chaotic, and impossible to neatly explain. If you're going through this process, I hope you feel seen. If you're trying to understand someone who is, I hope this gives you compassion for how difficult it is to put into words.Follow my Podcast: https://www.becomingmepodcast.com
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Chapters:

0:00 Introduction
6:22 Unpacking a Follower's Question
11:21 Reading the Question
16:25 Deconstructing the Container, Not Just the Content
18:18 Seeing the Harm in Church Structures
37:22 You Can't Hold On While Letting Go
45:13 My Family of Origin Story
55:39 God Wants Freedom for Us
57:47 External Critique vs. Interior Journey
1:02:00 Closing Thoughts