Self Love and Trinkitz 💕✨

 

local neighborhood baby [00:00:00] Hello and welcome to another episode of Stressed Depressed & Anxious with your host local neighborhood baby. Today is a super exciting day, because we do have a very special guest on, if you haven't heard of her, you've probably been living under a rock. Maybe you don't have to talk or maybe you're just not cool enough. But her name is Mandy Atsuko. I hope that I'm saying your last name, right, Mandy? Feel free to introduce yourselves.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:00:34] Oh my gosh. Hi everybody. Thank you. Local neighborhood baby for even having me on here, I guess to introduce myself. My name is Mandy Atsuko. I'm a queer and non-binary Vietnamese artist. I'm twenty one. Just graduated college last year and I have my own business card trinkets, where I make handmade 3-D press on nail sets and I also sew clothing and nail charms with more to come.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:01:04] You are living the dream and I love it. OK, so first of all, it's my honor. I just want to say that it is my honor to have you on and it's just so awesome. I'm so excited about it, but I also want to get a little bit into trinkets

 

local neighborhood baby [00:01:20] because it is

 

local neighborhood baby [00:01:21] so cool now. Not everybody is into nails or nail art, but I love what you do. Like, I don't care if you're not into nail art out there, but like, I love what you do and your artistry with these nails. I think everybody needs to go check it out. It's probably important for me to spot because I felt it wrong. I know it's in my conversation with, Oh, you're fine. Like, I've spelled it wrong

 

local neighborhood baby [00:01:45] because it's trinket. But with K,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:01:47] it's

 

local neighborhood baby [00:01:48] but easy to see out.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:01:50] See what I mean. But it is so, so cool, and I think everybody has to check it out. And I think that you have. It's not just someone like sticking a bunch of like gems onto nails like it's not. It's carefully crafted. Men just want to give you a floor to talk a little bit about your vision, like what inspires you to make these beautiful creations?

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:02:13] Oh my gosh. Lily, thank you so much for everything that you just said. I guess I don't even want to give some background. Nail art or just nails has been in my life like ever since I was born because my mom was a nail tech and I grew up in the nail salon. And I've always seen her just have a lot of fun with doing nails. Or, I'm not sure, fun the exact word. But she definitely did what she had to do, and I think that really sparked a lot of my interests with nails. And I didn't start doing nails until, like, I think, senior year of high school. And then I didn't make it a business until during the pandemic in August, August 2020 was when I first released nail sets, and I was really excited because the type of nails that I wanted to see and wanted to do, I didn't really see much of. I feel like a lot of the press on sets that I saw

 

local neighborhood baby [00:03:12] were just like, like simple,

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:03:14] delicate designs, not much 3D that I saw. And I know I wanted to put like just a bunch of cool shit on top of the nails. And I'm also extremely inspired by Japanese 3D nail art. You could see that with a lot of the sets that I released at first. I feel like now I'm trying to go into a different route because I feel like everybody else has gotten to the kawaii 3D nail art

 

local neighborhood baby [00:03:40] stuff, and I'm just kind of over it now.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:03:42] But it was a really nice place to start off with, and I love extra bling like I love the impractical looking nails because it's just super fun. And I, like a lot of people, want to talk to you and say, how like, oh, like, how can you do anything with these nails? And then they always say, like, how do you wipe your ass, blah blah blah? But it's like, Bro, do y'all. You just don't do you like claw and shoot your ass whenever you wipe it with your nails? You know what I mean? Like, you just

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:04:11] you just you just

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:04:13] don't. I don't know. They just always. They always say that. And honestly, it's surprising how much nail art can, like, enrage people. I don't know if you've seen it, but I will just literally nowhere. It's just a picture of my nails and people will quote it and be just so angry at it.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:04:29] Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think that it's so interesting

 

local neighborhood baby [00:04:34] because people

 

local neighborhood baby [00:04:35] will look at someone and think like, OK, woman. And I think that people don't actually realize some of the ideology that they

 

local neighborhood baby [00:04:46] have like in their own brains. They kind of

 

local neighborhood baby [00:04:48] just spew this stuff out and don't even realize where it comes from, because I feel like the sentiment of like, Oh my god, like, how can you do anything with these nails? What do you think that I'm supposed to be doing? You know, I think that people have these ideologies about, Oh, you should probably be in the kitchen somewhere or you should probably be, you know, taking care of some children or whatever kind of ideas that they have in their head. And they think that, oh, this is so in practice. The goal with these nails, and it's

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:05:14] like, no,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:05:15] that's not exactly how I'm living my life, and even if I was, you know, women and just any gender like we're super, super, super, super dynamic, I feel like we can do so many cool things, all at the same time. People are not one dimensional. And the cool thing about presence that is that obviously like you can take them off, but also like we can do a lot of things like, I like to have my nails long sometimes and I can type. Sometimes I type better with like longer nails and I can do like all the things that I like to do with these nails, you know, I mean, so people are just weird, and they also always find a reason to get mad. And I kind of love it.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:05:55] I kind of look for it.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:05:58] I always want to stay mad at something. And I mean, I get it to a certain extent, but it's just like people don't always have to speak, you know what I mean?

 

local neighborhood baby [00:06:10] Yeah. I mean, the people who love to speak are people who do get angry, but I think that that just gives more visibility to your product because I loved seeing it on my feed. And you know what? It's not only the nails, I think with your nails, that's what I really enjoy about them is that they bring on a certain esthetic. You know, it's like, I look at your nails and it's like a package deal.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:06:31] It's like this girl.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:06:32] Like, I want to be this girl today. I want to be this vibe today. And it's just so dope because it's like, I don't know. There's so many different things that you could do with a nail that, like, inspires a whole look. And I personally kind of want to use that to Segway into your whole look because I love what you do with your makeup. It's not only her nails, guys, check out her makeup. It is so, so cool and so impressive the way that you do it and you make it look so easy through your YouTube channel.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:07:03] Thank you so much. Yeah, I feel like I just recently got back into my makeup groove because I started doing makeup, I guess seriously in high school. And then after I got into college, things just got busier and I kind of just was focusing on a lot of different other things. But right now it's been feeling really nice getting back into makeup, and I feel like I kind of have like a,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:07:29] I guess, a certain type

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:07:31] of style. I guess you could say with like my face gems and I shave my eyebrows off, which was one of the best things. I've honestly done

 

local neighborhood baby [00:07:39] this because like, I feel like I just

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:07:41] also didn't really like my eyebrow shape before. And now that I just have no eyebrows, I can just literally do whatever I want, and I feel like it's a look in itself to not have eyebrows on. So that's nice, and thank you for saying that I make it look easy on my YouTube videos.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:07:56] You really do think you really, really do I? Guys, I tried to recreate this

 

local neighborhood baby [00:08:04] while I'm going to admit

 

local neighborhood baby [00:08:05] that I was a little tipsy and it didn't come out the same way. OK, I just want to say that though you are, you make it look exceptionally easy because I was like, Look, you know, like, I did do that like wrong?

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:08:18] No. What were you doing?

 

local neighborhood baby [00:08:21] It was one of your recent videos. I think that you did like a blue shadow. See if I could find it. You did a blue shadow. And it was so cute.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:08:33] Oh my goodness. Thank you. Oh, I think I know what's up with the colored lashes.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:08:38] Yeah, it was that one. And then, oh, I also tried this one.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:08:42] Oh my god, it's shiny.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:08:44] I tried the enchanting strawberry eye makeup because I thought it was also really, really cute. But the blue one? Definitely, I do. You have you seen that me? OK, maybe some of you out there have seen it. Have you seen that meme with that girl sitting there? A little girl sitting in the back seat with all her sparkles?

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:09:00] Me, me. Yes, that was me. OK. We gave it a try, but we failed. You know what?

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:09:10] It's OK because like you can really. It just honestly takes practice and you can do whatever you want. Like, I'm sure you're going to be just fine. Just keep going.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:09:22] I love the encouragement, and that is also a perfect segue way into the topic that we'll be talking about today, which is self-love and self-care. It's speaking of your videos, your YouTube videos in particular. One thing that I noticed because I really found you to that through Twitter, you can't, you know, your nails came up on my feet and I was like, Wow, this girl is a whole vibe. And then I got onto your YouTube and I was able to. I was really intrigued by, like, the way that you sort of just express self-love and just kind of admitted that a lot. And I feel like a lot of people when they amp themselves up in a way and maybe they don't intentionally come off this way sometimes can seem a little bit conceited. But with you, I just noticed, like there was something so authentic and genuine about it that it was just super endearing. Like, you're like, you know what, I want to love myself, too. You know, like just watching your video, and I thought it was so cool and I really wanted to have you on to talk about how you got to the place where you're so appreciative of yourself and you're able to express self-love so openly.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:10:30] Oh, literally, you're so nice. Thank you so much. It's like, I'm really glad that you received me in that way.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:10:37] It really means a lot.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:10:39] I would say that

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:10:42] in middle school, I was definitely going through a lot of just dark emotions. I don't know if your middle school years are like that, too.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:10:51] Oh yeah. Oh yeah. When life hits you hard, right?

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:10:58] Like seventh grade, worst year of my life. Like, genuinely,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:11:02] I think Seventh Grade holds a special kind of reference to a lot of people, just because it's like it is such a tough time at a time when people are going through a lot of like bodily changes. Puberty, like everything, feels like a lot. And there's so much bullying in seventh grade. I mean, I don't know why they're making all these high school bullying movies because seventh grade is really where it's at.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:11:24] Like, so much

 

local neighborhood baby [00:11:26] goes on in seventh grade,

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:11:28] right? And I also had like a Tumblr during this time, which I should not have been on as a fucking 12 year old, but it definitely didn't make anything better being on like a certain side of Tumblr. Do you reorder on Tumblr?

 

local neighborhood baby [00:11:43] I am still

 

local neighborhood baby [00:11:44] on Tumblr, Tumblr, a girl that I am. Yeah.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:11:49] Right. And so I was on like the the pressing site of Tumblr, where honestly like depression, depression and sugar. Winning suicide was just really glamorized during that time. And so it definitely did not make my adolescent mind go towards a better direction. And that makes sense. And so, yeah, I was really, honestly, really depressed in middle school, and I feel like once I got to high school definitely had lots of insecurities and things I had to work through, especially growing up as like a person of color and like a predominantly white area. And so it's definitely been a journey. I feel like I didn't really start tapping into my self-love until, like,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:12:36] I guess, college

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:12:38] and just when I started to have more freedom away from like my parents, because I also do feel like a lot of my insecurities kind of stemmed from, I guess, traditional Asian culture ideology is if that makes sense.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:12:55] But yeah, I

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:12:57] just started to realize that nobody else is like me, like everybody in the world. There's nobody like you. And I feel like once I really started to tap into that and I started to tap into who I am and how creative I am and how unique I am. I started to feel a lot of power within that, and I just started feeling like I was just that bitch. And like, I feel like from then on, I just really just been focusing on myself, and I just learned that

 

local neighborhood baby [00:13:31] while you're saying that, I just also want to say that, like you saying, that gave me chills because as a kid, I remember what one of my favorite shows is Mister Rogers

 

local neighborhood baby [00:13:41] Neighborhood. I don't know if you've

 

local neighborhood baby [00:13:42] ever heard of that and like this is exact, an exact quote from him. I'll read it. It says you are a very special person. There is only one like you in the whole world. There's never been anyone exactly like you before, and they'll never be again. Only you. And I like you exactly the way that you are. And that always was like a thing that he said in every show, and it just made me like, So happy to hear you say that like that. You love the fact that you're you and you celebrate the fact that you're the only one of one. That's so cool.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:14:11] Exactly. And I feel like this could kind of Segway back into like my drinking stuff. Like I only make one one of one set, so one that will always be unique to whoever buys it. And going back to like self-love, self-love is literally what will get you through your entire life. And when you learn to truly love yourself and take care of yourself, then you'll be able to know how to truly love and take care of others as well. And one thing, whenever I think of self-love, I also think of the hooks. And she's a, if you don't know, she's a black feminist writer and she's just literally a legend like just so genius. And I have a quote from her about love and oh sorry, I'm bouncing all over the place. I'm also a Gemini.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:15:02] Oh, we love it with self-love.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:15:07] What are the things

 

local neighborhood baby [00:15:08] that is super,

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:15:10] super important to me is. Setting boundaries with people and that boundaries are just one of the ultimate tools of self-love. I know if you have anything to say about that,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:15:22] I mean go a little more into depth about boundaries because I do struggle with that and I feel like a lot of people struggle with what is a healthy boundary. Like what? What really? What does that really mean?

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:15:34] Right? So with boundaries, you have to be honest with yourself. You have to ask yourself, what do you want to accept from people and what do you not want to accept from people? And with that, you have to be honest. You can't think about pleasing other people. You can't think about what other people want. You can't put other people's feelings before

 

local neighborhood baby [00:15:53] your own because

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:15:55] you matter the most at the end of the day, because you need to take care of yourself in order to take care of other people. And there is this quote that I found on Twitter that apparently came from tick tock. I don't know who said this, but it was definitely a word. It says I would rather adjust my life to your absence, then adjust my boundaries to accommodate your disrespect.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:16:16] Oh wow. That is deep. That was. Yes.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:16:22] With boundaries.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:16:24] If you don't

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:16:25] like what somebody is doing and you communicate that to them and they hear you out, they act like they understand. But then they do the exact same thing that you just said that you didn't like. Distance yourself. That's a boundary right there, because I feel like boundaries can be very simple and easy. You don't have to accept anything from people that you feel like does not serve you well. And that's why I think that boundaries is like one of the ultimate tools of self-love

 

local neighborhood baby [00:16:55] that makes a lot of sense. I think, you know, I've always struggled with establishing healthy boundaries. What the difference with boundaries is verses like being selfish or being truly like, I don't know, not being a loving, caring person because it's so celebrated to put others ahead of yourself. And sometimes it's synonymous with what people consider to be good people. People will put everybody else ahead of them and they celebrate that so much. And so it's kind of every time somebody talks to me about boundaries or every time someone has like, I always felt like, OK, well, it sounds cool. It seems cool. But I don't know if it's a good thing to be a part of the club because I thought maybe like it was like someone who didn't care as much about other people. So it's interesting to like hear your perspective on it and see that like, it's something that really comes down to self respect in a way like if you respect your self, you won't let other people kind of walk all over you.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:17:59] Exactly. I honestly

 

local neighborhood baby [00:18:01] feel like putting

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:18:02] everybody before yourself all the time is honestly disrespectful to yourself, and

 

local neighborhood baby [00:18:09] it

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:18:09] is not sustainable like at all in the long run because it's only a matter of time before you literally will just feel drained and you won't have any energy left for

 

local neighborhood baby [00:18:20] yourself.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:18:20] And ever since I got more into like spirituality, there's a saying where it's like you have to fill your own cart before you fill other people's because your cup needs to be filled up in order to overflow into other people's cups.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:18:36] That is very true, and that's a great analogy. And I want to kind of jump back to what you were saying earlier with your early life, and I really wanted to say that I fully relate to that because growing up, there was a sense of like it was hard to figure out who I was. And I talked about this in my last episode, but it was hard to figure out who I was as a person because I felt so stifled by people's ideas of what and who I should be. So I got very confusing and it made me hate myself because I heard so much of like this type of person is not you like who you want to be. You're like a feeling that people didn't really understand me or didn't really care to understand what it was that I liked and what I didn't like and what I wanted to do and what I didn't want to do. And so that really is something that I can relate to, because the fact that you weren't able to fully start yourself left journey until you had the freedom to figure yourself out just makes so much sense to me.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:19:35] Yes, I feel like growing up, especially, I was like a pre-teen to a teenager. Just those years are just so confusing, and everything just feels like the end of the world, honestly, because you haven't had access to, like, real life yet. You're really only like in your community and like with around your school.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:19:59] Only with personally, for

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:20:01] me, I was surrounded by a lot of people that didn't look like me. And so it was definitely hard to really

 

local neighborhood baby [00:20:05] build like my

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:20:07] character and who I wanted to be. So, yeah, I.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:20:12] Also relate to that, I mean, I feel like, you know, there are so many stories like that out there with people who were surrounded by people who didn't look like them. And for me, you know, it wasn't so much of that. I had it. I was in an area where, yeah, it was predominantly white, but I did find other types of colored people, black people, Hispanic people like there was a nice little mix there, but at the same time, it wasn't so much that they didn't look like me. It was just that like, I found myself not fitting into a lot of different stereotypes that people had. And I felt like, why do I have to fit into these specific boxes like I can be this, but also be this, but also be this. Like, I just felt like my interest in things like that, like they assign them to different races, and it was just kind of like, Why can't I enjoy this and this and this and this and like, still be me and still be, you know, black and be like, I don't know, have these different interests in different things that I like to do and a different look and whatever. And that was also really confusing because I felt like, why do I have to like, be forced to fit in this box? And I can't be like my unique self that I want to be?

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:21:21] So right. And I also

 

local neighborhood baby [00:21:23] hear that a lot from my

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:21:25] friends and just whenever we're growing up, we just have like these ideologies and like stereotypes like forced upon us and even like at my school like teachers would like, just say, honestly, just racist racism to me and just say, like, Oh, are you going to be a doctor when you grow up? Or like, Oh, why don't you have good grades? Like, Why aren't you like this other Asian person? I'm just like, Bro, like, are y'all

 

local neighborhood baby [00:21:49] really like, you really have like the comfort and

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:21:52] like the

 

local neighborhood baby [00:21:53] confidence?

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:21:53] Yeah, nerve

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:21:56] to say this like, Oh my God is absolutely insane. But I feel like once we grow up and like, get out of these, I guess environments, that's when we truly get to, like, find ourselves and realize that there's no one way to be anything, especially as people of color. And so, yeah, I'm glad I'm here rather than there.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:22:18] Yeah, yeah.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:22:19] A hundred thousand percent like, it's crazy when you look back and you realize like what adults were actually saying to children. It's wild.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:22:28] Yeah. Literally. I don't know how it was allowed, but labor here. I also wanted to say another quote. I don't think I said a quote from bell hooks yet, but this one really was a word, she says. But many of us seek community solely to escape the fear of being alone, knowing how to be solitary essential to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape. And I really like that quote because it just

 

local neighborhood baby [00:22:59] emphasizes that loving

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:23:01] yourself and being OK with your solitude is the important foundation you need in order to truly love in a healthy way towards others.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:23:12] Yeah, I mean,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:23:13] it's so interesting to have that thought because I always see quotes like that about self-love being synonymous with like how you're able to love other people. It's always been something that was difficult for me to digest because I felt like there were so many periods in my life and still now where I don't have a large amount of self-love, but I still feel very capable of loving others. So those things have always been tough for me to those tough little pill to swallow. But I probably love people a lot better, and it could be a lot more than what it is if I focus on loving myself too. So I kind of I get that for sure.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:23:53] Yes. Prioritizing yourself is just honestly the key to life. And the key to living a life

 

local neighborhood baby [00:23:59] that you love and the

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:24:01] keys to a healthy life at that, too. And I know your cancer, so I can. Definitely.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:24:06] I am. Yeah, yeah, I can just see how

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:24:13] you would put others before yourself a lot. And then you also told me other Scorpio Moon, right?

 

local neighborhood baby [00:24:19] I do have a Scorpio Moon. Now I want to stress the fact that like, although I'm saying this, you know about

 

local neighborhood baby [00:24:25] putting others before yourself,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:24:26] I do have some instances of this, but mostly in my life. At this point, it's really just like sometimes I really don't. I beat myself up a lot. My last episode it was called Why are you hitting yourself? You know, that stupid thing that kids would say to each other? And you know, yeah, because I beat myself up a lot. Like, I set really high standards for myself and not really good and measurable, attainable goals, necessarily. But then I like inevitably fail because I go through a lot of different bouts of depression, anxiety and things that like tend to affect my ability to complete task and whatever it is that I'm trying to do. And then I just beat myself up like, You suck, you're the worst. You're not able to do this like whatever, whatever, and have a lot of negative self-talk going on. And so but even there was like a weird duality with that, because even with all of that going on, there are so many other instances where I'm like, I'm the best,

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:25:25] you know you, I

 

local neighborhood baby [00:25:29] think I'm the best and cancer is it's so funny, too, because the I know that you listen to my zodiac episode that, you know, it's so funny with cancer, too, because like, we really enjoy esthetics, we kind of enjoy opulence comfortability. We're very luxurious in that way. So my bathroom looks like a spa. There's a lot of pampering going on, and even when there are so much like negative self-talk. So that's what I mean to what I said earlier. It's like people can be so many different things at once, and it's kind of weird to try to like, pull them apart.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:26:02] Yeah, if it's one thing, people are very, very complex and that is something that I've really been experiencing and learning within, like the last year. And I also have some things to say about how you feel like you're very hard on yourself. And one of the biggest, biggest things that has helped me mentally is just being kinder to myself and being easy with myself and loving to myself and letting me have that space and letting me have those moments where I feel like I'm not living up to what I expect of myself. And that's completely like, OK. And I guess another thing that you could think about is, would you talk to your friends and the people you love like the way you talk to yourself in your head? And it's really good to try and catch yourself whenever you do start, like, I guess, being mean to yourself and saying, Oh, like, you suck. Like, of course, you couldn't do this like catching yourself with in those times and just changing it to OK, like, you know what? Like, you're human. You're OK, you're young. You have room to make mistakes because you learn from it

 

local neighborhood baby [00:27:10] and you're always getting better.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:27:12] Even within those moments where you thought that things couldn't get better. They did. And I'm sure that that we're in a better position than we were in the times where we thought it was going to get better. And even if you feel like they're not getting better, you just you have to keep going because like

 

local neighborhood baby [00:27:31] literally life will never

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:27:33] stop for anything. And it's all about learning how to get back up, literally.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:27:38] Absolutely. It's like, keep fighting. You know, it's my thing. It's my mantra. Keep fighting because it is like such a battle every single day, even with the voice in your head. I remember one of the things that I found through therapy was that work that they sort of give you in therapy to say, Where is that voice come from? You know, it sounds like you, but like, like, where did you get these ideas in a song? You try to trace it back to like realizing that it was really a lot of other people in my life growing up that assigned a lot of value to what I was

 

local neighborhood baby [00:28:15] able to do and

 

local neighborhood baby [00:28:17] accomplish, like being synonymous with like my self-worth, like your worth as a person is like, what are you able to bring to the table? And a lot of ways. And so like, if you're bringing nothing to the table, then you're worthless. And the voice that's in my head that's saying all these things is just like a combination of all these people and everything that they've said kind of put together exactly form one big monster.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:28:40] You know,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:28:41] it's hard to get out of that. Yeah.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:28:43] And are you still in therapy right now?

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:28:49] I was very inconsistent.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:28:53] Yeah, that's totally normal.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:28:55] Yeah, I'm very inconsistent with it. And I think, you know, the the pandemic and everything kind of contributed to that because I'm like, even when it comes to school and like education, I never am like the online class girl. You know, I've done it before. I'm not into it.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:29:11] I like to see it. Like, you know, learn things face to face.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:29:13] I just learn better. And so therapy is kind of the same for me. Like, No, it doesn't really make a difference if for over Zoom and you're talking to me as my therapist. But then again, yes, it does.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:29:22] Like, I don't know what makes it makes a difference, you know,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:29:29] and I feel like

 

local neighborhood baby [00:29:30] it's not the same. I feel a little more disconnected and I feel like I spend my sessions lying about certain things and it's like, Why am I lying? I'm paying the lie about that.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:29:39] I was about to say, Hey, you better not lie.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:29:43] And no, I I have to admit, like, sometimes it's like, you know, yeah, yeah, of course. Like, I did this and that now I just feel a little more disconnected and less like inclined to be vulnerable, right?

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:29:56] So I feel different in person. It's more real human connection, which I like. I'm definitely still you. I I remember towards the end of college whenever we had to be online, I literally despised that. But. I mean, also, it was a little easier, but also I didn't really learn as much, to be honest, like I kind of just,

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:30:18] I mean, I didn't even know I could say I cheated, which is exactly what I did in there cheating, like, you know, like, Oh no, I'm so I've been

 

local neighborhood baby [00:30:32] so happy this week. No, you've been a little manic.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:30:39] And you know what? It's OK. Therapy is definitely like it's a lifelong

 

local neighborhood baby [00:30:43] journey, for sure. And sometimes you're in

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:30:46] periods where you just don't want to

 

local neighborhood baby [00:30:47] go anymore, where you

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:30:48] feel inconsistent, where you don't want to do online sessions and like, that's completely OK. Another thing about self-love and self-care is I was going to say is to try to take their appear. I, like, tried to do it to how you want to do it and and also don't be too hard on yourself with therapy as well. Don't try to force anything. And also, I guess, try try to be honest.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:31:12] Get out of it. Yes, you're absolutely, absolutely right.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:31:19] Of course. Of course. And there's different forms of therapy, too. But I will. One thing I want to throw out there because a lot of people have this thought to like people that don't necessarily have access to therapy or maybe don't have the funds to pay for therapy because it is expensive. But like, you know, when they finally get the opportunity to do that, they do it with this idea of like, OK, I can finally go and sit and talk to somebody and be anonymous and like, get all of this off my chest and feel so much better. It's kind of like how people tell you, you know, if you go for a run and you get that runner's high and you feel great,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:31:51] I just want to say that that's maybe the

 

local neighborhood baby [00:31:53] case for some people. Not always the case, though, because I've been many times where, like because people always say, like, you know, talking to somebody, you'll feel better. And in the long run you do. But like in the moment, sometimes like getting all that stuff off your chest and like reopening these like,

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:32:09] ooh, you know, maybe they're still

 

local neighborhood baby [00:32:11] open, but like really getting into it, like can sometimes you leave therapy and you feel drained for like a week, like just, you know, you're so aware of all these things and you're exploring all these, you know, things that have gone on in your life and it can be a little draining, but you just kind of have to stick with it and keep going through that journey of self-discovery because it's better than the alternative. Let me tell you, like, it is better than the alternative, because listen.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:32:36] Healing was never meant to be easy. It is. Hey, it's also never meant to be linear as well. Like, healing is like a spiral going up.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:32:47] And so, like, whenever

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:32:48] you like, we

 

local neighborhood baby [00:32:49] should point and you think, like, oh,

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:32:51] like things feel so good right now. Like, I'm never going to go back to where it was before.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:32:55] And then all of a sudden you feel like where you were before.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:32:58] And that's when, again, you have to be kind to yourself. And I know that I wasn't in therapy for a long time because of how expensive it can get. And so I know my college, if you all are in school, definitely check out if they have therapists that do free sessions or just very like low cost sessions. Oh, the therapies that I have right now, I found them through this website. It's called Open Path Collective dot org, and you can find like a bunch of therapists that specialize in low cost sessions, and

 

local neighborhood baby [00:33:30] they also have fighting

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:33:32] skills. A lot of them do. And so I pay like 40 bucks a session right now.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:33:37] That is awesome. That's really awesome. I hope

 

local neighborhood baby [00:33:40] that people can use that as

 

local neighborhood baby [00:33:41] a resource because, yeah, I get it is expensive. And also, college was one of the first times where I was able to go consistently to therapy. Sometimes the school that you're going to does have like a, you know, psychologist or psychiatrist where that you can go to and a lot of times to place the caution there just a lot of resources that you don't necessarily look into, but that are available to you. So I would encourage people to absolutely look into it as well because it's good. It's great to start to get that out and figure that out, especially in your young adulthood. You know, you want to figure it out sooner rather than later because there are so many

 

local neighborhood baby [00:34:17] adults which some of them or your

 

local neighborhood baby [00:34:19] parents that are like walking around

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:34:21] with all of this stuff and they don't have a charmer.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:34:24] Yeah, they don't even know that it's trauma. They can't even say that they think it's

 

local neighborhood baby [00:34:28] normal and they're like,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:34:29] you know, giving it to other people, you know, spreading it. And it's just like, Oh, please do the work when you're still young. And I mean, if you are older, too, you like obviously like, you know, don't give up on yourself. And definitely the fact that you can recognize that that you have a problem or that there is something going on and that you need to address is amazing because a lot of people. Yeah, a lot of people can't even get to that. They're just like, I'm fine. And I mean, that was me for a long time. I was like, I'm fine.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:35:02] Yeah, like, I'm fine.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:35:03] Yeah, you know, like, I'm not crazy because I always thought, like, you know, the idea is that you get like when you're watching TV and like people go to therapy usually like a lot of it is. Actually, growing up for me was like, Oh, you're crazy. And so my parents felt the same way. They were just kind of like so traditional and they felt like, you know what it's like, you're crazy. Like if anybody is going to therapy like they're nuts. And so one time I was very like, therapy resistant. I was like, I'm not crazy.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:35:28] You're crazy. Like, you know, I

 

local neighborhood baby [00:35:32] just didn't want to go because I felt like a loser. I was like, Oh my God, I'm such a loser. Like, Who needs therapy? Like, I'm a young person and everything should be fine. I'm like, I'm such a loser. So I really beat myself

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:35:43] up in that way too.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:35:44] Like just for going to therapy. It was just so weird. But yeah, after a while, you kind of get into it. You know, you start to feel a little bit more comfortable, you start to open up and it's a beautiful process. And even like you mentioned with healing, healing is painful. Any of you guys never broken any bones or run into some accident. You know that healing is painful. And not only is it painful, but things don't grow back the same way. So I'm going to be exactly the same. And so beautiful

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:36:11] analogy.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:36:12] Thank you. It's a process for sure. Process for sure. And I hate it. I'm not going to lie to you. I hate it.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:36:17] I know that Lee is not you. It is not cute. Not cute at all.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:36:25] But it's definitely very much so worth it in the end.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:36:31] Now you did say you went to college. Can you talk a little bit about what you maybe majored in, like what you studied?

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:36:38] Sure. So I majored in

 

local neighborhood baby [00:36:40] media arts, which is

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:36:42] basically just like film, TV, broadcasting, radio,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:36:46] stuff like that.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:36:47] And I, honestly, if I be honest, you feel like I learned as much as I thought I was going to learn. And that could also be my fault. It could be the pandemic's fault.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:37:00] But I did come out with

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:37:03] some knowledge, I guess, with film and editing, because that is what I wanted to focus on. And after I got my degree, though, I honestly just honestly, I really just did this year for my parents.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:37:15] But it was really

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:37:15] up to me. I wouldn't have gone to. I wouldn't have gone to or finished college because of the amount of loans I have to pay back. So keep that in mind, everybody. Yeah.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:37:24] Yes. My pockets still hurt. My pockets still bleeding from that. But I feel like too with like media arts and what you talk about as film and editing and all these things. I don't know if you went to graduate school or not, but a lot of what you learn basically in those first four years really doesn't lend itself so much to like your craft. Do you know what I mean? Like, you have to kind of go the extra mile and go to the Tisch School of Arts, go to, like, really study the trade, if you will, because it's more of a trade. Of course, they're stealing your money in a sense and like putting you in debt, making you go for four years.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:38:00] It's to me, it's really

 

local neighborhood baby [00:38:01] more of a trade. It's something that you can kind of go to these acting classes, go to these classes and learn about how to actually do these things rather than like four-year traditional whatever.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:38:12] Right. And I wasn't even in school for four years. I was in school for three years because I had like a lot of credits from high school. And so I feel like my college experience in general was kind of cut short a little bit, but also at the same time, I wanted to

 

local neighborhood baby [00:38:24] get the hell out

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:38:25] of there because of how much I have to pay back. But yeah, definitely

 

local neighborhood baby [00:38:30] real

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:38:30] life experience and just getting out there and like putting yourself into the creative projects that you want to do and just starting from somewhere is going to ultimately lead you to where you want to go.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:38:42] Yeah. So is that what kind of opened you up to having a YouTube channel?

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:38:46] Yes. So after doing trinkets for like over a year now, I know I wanted to go into other things, and I feel like YouTube has always been something that I really want to get into, but didn't have the stability to be consistent and didn't really.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:39:07] I wasn't really putting all of

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:39:09] my intention into YouTube. But I feel like as of lately, now that I've been alone for a while and I've really started to because literally within like the last few months that I feel like that was when I really started to focus on self-care and self-love and being OK in my solitude. And that has done wonders for me because I feel like before I was just always surrounded by noise and always surrounded by people, always never really having a time alone. And it makes a hell of a difference when you really get to sit down

 

local neighborhood baby [00:39:43] and think about what

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:39:44] you want to do and watch and what you want to do with your life and what you like,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:39:48] what you don't like and feeding your inner

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:39:51] child. I feel like that is like a huge, huge thing. And so I think doing YouTube and just editing and making videos is

 

local neighborhood baby [00:39:58] just really as fun.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:40:00] Like I like. I like looking at myself.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:40:05] It bleeds through the screen. It really does bleed through the screen, man. It seems like you're having. So much fun in these videos. I love the editing, and I just love the energy in these videos. I really do hope that you continue to do it because it's so cool, and I guess it kind of goes back to what you were saying about your own cup being full and all these different things because your energy and a lot of times other people's energy too, when it's so positive and when it's so really self-love and all these things like it really makes you want to feel that way and feel positive and feel, you know, good about yourself as well. And so those things really do inspire other people and even me. It definitely inspires me to want to be a person who definitely loves theirselves and takes care of their selves in a great and nice way and expresses their individuality because you are original. That's what I like about you. You're very original. Everything about your style is so cool and you really pull it off, too. I mean, you talked about your eyebrows earlier and you will probably, you know, it's probably some people out there dropping their drawers like

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:41:15] shaved or eyebrows.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:41:16] Yeah, right. But like now, like guys like Marnie pulls it off, you have to go watch a YouTube video of her. It's like she pulls it off. Shaved eyebrows is a look for you that I could never do. And then a lot of people might not be able to pull off, but you pull it off.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:41:32] First of all, I say thank you again, like you just say such things. And literally, that is all I could ever want is for people to

 

local neighborhood baby [00:41:40] love themselves, like truly

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:41:42] like the world would be a very different place of everybody where to I truly love themselves and take care of themselves, and

 

local neighborhood baby [00:41:49] I'm really glad that you get

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:41:51] that type of vibe from me and that you also want to take better care of yourself too. Because as amazing and also you could always do whatever you want. So don't even say you can never because you you always could, I promise.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:42:05] That is so true.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:42:06] I mean, sometimes, like you're not, people are in situations where like they feel stifled by other people and they really can't get out of it for a while. But whenever you have that opportunity, take it and run with it because it makes you feel so good to be an individual. I remember, you know, just like as a funny antidote, I remember growing up like, I really loved listening to music, lots of different music. But one of my favorite people was the little cam. And I've talked about that

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:42:35] and I was

 

local neighborhood baby [00:42:36] like, I loved her because I thought, like, she was such a beautiful expression of like femininity at the same blueprint stuck up for herself a lot and was just kind of like her whole rap persona was just like, I'm about me.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:42:51] Get yours. Like, you know, don't

 

local neighborhood baby [00:42:53] like it was just very like doing all of that. And at the time, a lot of the female artists that were coming out, they were saying a lot of the same things in a sense, but like doing it in such like they were tomboys, they had to be the exception to the rule. They were they had to be tomboys. They had to be kind of a little bit more like, man, they were not in the very exactly the masculine. But I love that she was able to pull it off and be so feminine and sexy in any way. That whole vibe. Gotcha. Because I was like, I want to be a person like that, you know who exudes that energy. And so my poor mother, I would go to the mall and seventh grade, OK, I would go to the mall

 

local neighborhood baby [00:43:35] and she's like, OK,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:43:37] well, everybody pick like one thing that you want, like everybody pick like what you are. And my sister and brother and I, they all think normal things. And then, you know, here's me and I'm like, I want the best day.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:43:49] Like, I, I want that right there.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:43:52] Hey, you know, and I'm like, You hate me? Like, That's what

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:43:56] that's what this is about. Like, you hate me and you don't want me

 

local neighborhood baby [00:43:59] to express my thoughts. Personal, it's personal. Like, I was like, You don't get me, you know what I mean? And the whole time I was like, I want to be like him. You know what I mean? Like, I want to. I want to dress sexy and tell guys, no, when I decide, OK. And I just love that whole vibe. And so, yeah, she suffered a lot too.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:44:17] My mom is like my antics and my mom has suffered with me for sure

 

local neighborhood baby [00:44:26] and was, yeah, it's so funny.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:44:30] It was a good time, though.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:44:31] I mean, because I really did. I understood what I was trying to say, but I never really said it. I never actually got it out. That, like what I really wanted was to be able. There are so much things that so many things traditionally that people say about your body and you feel like people are trying to control what you can do and what you can't do with your body. And it was just like there were so many, like my parents, in the way that they talked about, like sexuality and like as like, Oh, this girl, you can't do this, you can't do that. And like maybe seniors this year, be seen as that. And like the names that they call people when they look a certain way or whatever, it always just disturbed me. I always wanted to just do what. I wanted to do with my body, and it had nothing to do with sex, really, it just had to do with like I wanted to find what like how I feel, you know what I mean, like about myself? So I want to express myself in like control, like how I'm received by people at the same time. You know what I mean? Like, you can only get access to parts of me that I just that you can get access to parts of me, you know what I mean? And I wanted to illustrate to like, just because I'm dressed a certain way doesn't mean anything, doesn't mean that, you know, I'm this or I'm that, or I fit into this box or like, it's I'm easy or whatever. It's just because I feel like dressing this way like I has nothing to do with you. But as you know, like a 12 year old girl, I couldn't express. I was just like, You

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:45:52] hate me, right? You don't get me.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:45:58] Yeah. And also with that being super young and wanting to express yourself within that way, that could seem sexual from an adult point of view. I also feel like that is also a complex

 

local neighborhood baby [00:46:11] thing

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:46:13] for everybody involved,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:46:14] because like as a young girl like

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:46:16] you just want to express yourself, you just want to wear what you want to wear, you want to feel good and have fun. You want to be creative and you want to

 

local neighborhood baby [00:46:24] live, you want to live.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:46:25] But also at the same time, from a parent's perspective, I can definitely see them worrying about how you may be perceived and this patriarchal society.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:46:37] And I mean, there's a reality in there is the dream world. Do you know what I mean? I'd like to be perceived like this, but like, there's the reality that the world is not a safe place for a lot of people, and it's it's just the truth. And, you know, if I think about the amount of times at that age that, like I was hit on by men that love to be my father, it would just make me sick like, you know, that happen all the time. And it's not uncommon at all until I get what you're saying exactly what the parents do.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:47:04] It's like, of course, you

 

local neighborhood baby [00:47:05] know, there's a fine line of protecting your kid and like also maybe wanting them to be able to express themselves. But like, maybe they don't even know how to say that. But I think what's missing in that scenario to me is just like, you know, how like people will just judge you and like, Oh my God, like, blah blah blah. But they never ask you, like why? I think that's why

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:47:26] it's like missing.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:47:27] Like, where's that question? Where it's like, Oh, why, though? Because that allows. Like, if you if you're someone out there, you know, sitting and you have kids and maybe you're like, Oh yeah, that's something my daughter or my son or whoever, ask, why don't just think like, OK, I have my kid. It's not like they just want to do all this stuff like whatever I do, why? And sometimes, even if they don't know, like because they haven't done the mental work to like, figure it out, it allows them to think through it and teaches them to think through, like why they want to do certain things. And like, you might find an answer and they might find an answer like that they didn't know before. You know, when you hear because I kind of like to think like if I was X Y that I would be able to get to the conclusion that like, yeah, like I feel like, you know, boys are always

 

local neighborhood baby [00:48:10] kind of coming up to me and like,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:48:12] they talk to me this in a certain way, like, I'm a piece

 

local neighborhood baby [00:48:15] of meat because I

 

local neighborhood baby [00:48:16] developed early and I had big boobs and stuff. And like, they were just it made me feel very uncomfortable and I didn't want to feel uncomfortable. I wanted to feel powerful. And I feel like if I could have dressed in a way that was really expressive and out there and still tell them no, that I had better control of the situation and it allowed me to feel like less small and more like f off, you know. I mean, I feel like if maybe somebody had asked me why, like, I might have been able to say that and we might have been able to have like a real conversation, but usually it's like a whole other conversation.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:48:50] Like it's just me feeling, yeah, right?

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:48:56] And that's the beauty of open and honest communication, which is very lacking in a lot of family situations.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:49:04] Oh yeah. Hundred thousand percent. Like most people, I find it funny during the holidays because I always hear about people like having to revert back to their childhood selves. You know, like you spent all this time in the world being an adult and like doing your thing and finally being expressive, be able to express yourself that you come back home for like whatever holiday it is. And then it's like a shed. I have to like not talk about this, not do this right? Oh my god, I'm back to being this version of my side.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:49:28] And so it's so crazy.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:49:32] Yeah, that's literally how I felt when I moved back

 

local neighborhood baby [00:49:35] home after,

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:49:37] like living away for a little while and definitely got into the same depressing like mindset that I would be in when I was younger, whenever I moved back here. So like,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:49:47] I definitely had to change up my

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:49:48] environment a little bit, definitely had to had some talks with my parents because

 

local neighborhood baby [00:49:54] it's very interesting that, like a lot of people feel

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:49:56] that way

 

local neighborhood baby [00:49:57] whenever they see their

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:49:58] parents again or like or just back into their childhood environment.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:50:02] So, yeah, very affect you. Regress a little bit. Yeah, it's so crazy. And like not only with parents, but like, honestly, people even do it with their friends. It doesn't have to be about. But like, think about like the fact, like some people hang out with, like new people and whatever you have new front, you have a new set of friends that like define our reflection of who you are right now, and then you go back and you hang out with some of your childhood friends and like, it's a different version of you again, like reincarnated. You know what I mean? Like, you're just like, I'm this person again. Like, You know what I mean? Because you're just around those people. And so it just it's so weird. It's like you leave little ghosts of yourself in the past and then you come back to them sometimes when you hang out with some of those same people.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:50:40] Right? And you literally feel how different you are.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:50:43] Yeah, you're like, I'm not even this person anymore.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:50:46] Right? You know, and

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:50:50] honestly, that's the beauty. That's the beauty of life. Like, things aren't meant to stay the same. And like, it's pretty wild, like seeing how much you can change and just how much and how quickly your life can change as well, like moving out of the

 

local neighborhood baby [00:51:02] skin in a second.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:51:04] And I you know what I love, I love. I guess that's why I like really cool esthetic things, because I love the idea that you could reinvent yourself even with with just like what you wear because people think like, you know what, you wear a surface level, but it's really not like, obviously, that's why people who love fashion and love like accessories and things like that will tell you, like, it's such an expression of yourself because sometimes changing the way that you look on the outside can really have an impact on you, on the inside, you know, I mean,

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:51:34] I love that we can absolutely like people don't realize how

 

local neighborhood baby [00:51:39] much. Or I guess I

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:51:41] also let me just say this is a personal thing. I didn't realize how much, how different I could feel and how much more confident I feel when I wear certain things or whatever. I put more emphasis or put more intentions with my looks. And because I remember the times where I did feel very lost and just did feel I felt like very dull, I wasn't really putting effort into myself whatsoever. And then whenever I started to care about that more and started to put more effort into how I look and what I wear, I feel more confident whenever I walk out into the world and like, I feel more. I feel power with that type of expression.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:52:19] Yeah, and that changes the game for you. I bet like, you know, going out into the world and being feeling more confident. It just changes the way that you interact with people, changes like what you're willing to accept in a day and like the opportunities that you have because people are really drawn to other people who are

 

local neighborhood baby [00:52:36] self-confident, doesn't matter who you

 

local neighborhood baby [00:52:38] are or what you look like if you are able to exude that genuine confidence in yourself. People are really drawn to that. Me personally, I love people who are comfortable with themselves because I feel like for me, one of the things that I truly like about myself or love about myself is that like, I'm very comfortable with letting people around me be themselves without, like trying to insert like my own thoughts or opinions on like who they should be. I love it. You could be the most degenerate mother, after all. And I'm like, I'm with you when I'm having a good time and like, I'm not doing what you're doing, but I celebrate the fact that you're you and you're in this position. I think, like a lot of my friends would say the same thing. They're like, I'm not now on the flip side, I'm not going to talk you out of anything. Don't come

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:53:22] to me like I was want to talk you out of something

 

local neighborhood baby [00:53:26] because I will not. I'm like, Yeah, buy it. Do it, whatever, right?

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:53:30] But at the same

 

local neighborhood baby [00:53:31] time, though, like you can come around me and feel like your most authentic self because I don't give a damn. I feel like it's so beautiful to see, like you said, that one of one. Why would I want to be around somebody who seems like exactly like me, like I have, you know, myself?

 

local neighborhood baby [00:53:46] Like, I don't need

 

local neighborhood baby [00:53:46] to see that replicated again. I love that. I love people who are like, so individualistic and it's like cool.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:53:53] Yeah, it's definitely it's beautiful to like, celebrate differences and to accept people for who they are. And going back to when you said, Oh, don't come to me to talk you out of anything, I feel that definitely in regards to like whenever people talk about their looks like I dye my hair this, or should I show my eyebrows?

 

local neighborhood baby [00:54:11] Should I get new shoes? Like, yeah, do literally

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:54:15] whatever

 

local neighborhood baby [00:54:15] the fuck you want to do like because the

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:54:17] answers to those

 

local neighborhood baby [00:54:18] questions too, like when you ask them like, Well, why not? It's always about someone else, like almost 100 percent the

 

local neighborhood baby [00:54:24] time, because

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:54:25] people will think like because it's

 

local neighborhood baby [00:54:28] like, who cares about those people,

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:54:30] right? Know, really? Who cares about

 

local neighborhood baby [00:54:32] like? Again, this

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:54:33] is your life like limit to how you want

 

local neighborhood baby [00:54:35] to live it, and

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:54:37] you can literally

 

local neighborhood baby [00:54:38] create the life like

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:54:39] you can exactly create the life that you want to, and you will be surprised by

 

local neighborhood baby [00:54:44] how exact you can

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:54:45] create it.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:54:46] You really, really can. If if you think about how little people think about the dead, even people who are super influential, even people who affected people across generations, if you think about I don't know how often you think about Nelson Mandela, he's dead. Although these people are notable, just thinking about it makes you realize that you truly have one life to live and you cannot live it for other. People, you need to you can live it for yourself and do the best that you can to do that every single day, and I thought, I love, like I said, you know, you were talking about how like you can basically make your own reality. I love that my art medium is like writing, if you can

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:55:26] call that type of artistry. I love that. I love inventing like

 

local neighborhood baby [00:55:31] fictional worlds and different things and different characters. And so like any time I can like, like I said, get into a certain esthetic. I remember one time in particular in my mind is like I was in Maryland. I was in like Ocean City or something,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:55:45] and I want to go visit one of my

 

local neighborhood baby [00:55:47] friends who her boyfriend was staying at this motel. No, she's like this, you know, corner motel, whatever. And I went there and we were hanging out. We had like these records on. I was wearing a leather jacket. I felt so fucking rock and roll. There was all these people in there. They were like smoking of cigarets. Like, not that I'm promoting that. Yeah, right? I don't know. It's just like the whole vibe of it was like, I feel like a character in one of my pieces. I feel so fucking, you know, like, I don't know, this is like a cool moment. And it's just like, I don't know. It just reminded me of like being able to, like, create your own reality and like being surprised where you end up because I'm like, like I had like an out of body moment and I was just thinking about my childhood self, like I just didn't. I never really thought that like, I would get to this point, like 10 year old me would be like, Damn, you know, like, you're fucking cool.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:56:37] Yeah, it's

 

local neighborhood baby [00:56:38] weird, but it's like it was one of those moments that just made me like yourself, reflect and think about, like, I don't know, like I could do this. I could do whatever the fuck. I want

 

local neighborhood baby [00:56:46] candy. OK? Yeah.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:56:49] Natalie. Yeah, because I'll you

 

local neighborhood baby [00:56:50] forget that on a daily basis. And it's like, you have those moments of remembering like, Oh yeah, I could do whatever the fuck I want.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:56:57] I like how you said that. Like when your 10 year old self would look at you now and think, Oh, you're so cool, because literally, I think about that all the time. Like, I remember when I was like 10 12 and just looking at all like these cool girls online, I'm just like, Oh, like, I want to be like that or like,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:57:11] I want to be like them and then

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:57:13] growing up and just creating my own version of who I wanted to be like, I would think I'm so cool if I was like 10 years old looking at me now.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:57:20] And another thing that I do that I've been

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:57:22] doing lately is like, I kind of just look at

 

local neighborhood baby [00:57:25] life as like just like a

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:57:26] simulation. I don't know that's healthy or not. I don't

 

local neighborhood baby [00:57:29] know. Yeah. Me and my sister talk about that all the time.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:57:31] Right, right. The other night,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:57:33] when what's his name down

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:57:36] the house? Yeah. The guy from Full House,

 

local neighborhood baby [00:57:39] the dad, the dad? Bob Saget, Bob Saget. Yes. Oh my god. Oh, he died. He died like yesterday.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:57:47] Oh well, I've been seeing some, some really bad things come up about him lately.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:57:51] Oh shit. So he died right when he got cancer death by cancelation? I'm telling you. Twenty twenty two. Death by cancelation. Oh my God. But it was so weird because like any time one of those like figures die, I'm like, It's so weird, cause I feel like a piece of my childhood is gone. So I feel so trippy. It's like I feel like I'm living in a simulation right now because I'm like, Wait a minute, you know, like right before the new year. What was her name? Nadine, Betty White, Betty White died. And I was like, What the fuck?

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:58:21] Like, what is right?

 

local neighborhood baby [00:58:23] It was random. I know, I know. She was like, ninety nine years old, literally. But it just was so unexpected in like New Year's Eve. This is so weird. Who's writing this right now? And are we on the season finale or this show finale? Because I need to know.

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:58:38] I know, right? Right. Because some things

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:58:42] I played, some things that happened in my life are just things in

 

local neighborhood baby [00:58:44] general like we have to be in a

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:58:46] simulation

 

local neighborhood baby [00:58:46] like, there's just there's no other explanation.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:58:48] Now there's really not there's really not like it's it's kind of crazy, actually. And even some of the people that we're seeing kind of, you know, what's interesting about that?

 

local neighborhood baby [00:58:58] It's really that like people who are

 

local neighborhood baby [00:59:01] terrible

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:59:04] feel so

 

local neighborhood baby [00:59:04] comfortable being themselves like, isn't that wild?

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:59:08] We can. We could actually learn a lot from the villains in this story because we can. We are fully comfortable being themselves.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:59:17] You know, there's something rebellious about being yourself, and I think that's what the secret sauce is. Is that like to be yourself? For most of us, a lot of us is that it takes, and it took a huge amount of rebellion against, like what the stranger thinks about you. What's your parents think about you? What a whole bunch of other people might think about you, and you have to like actively rebel against it. Like, Oh God, I want to dye my hair. Oh, well, what if you know people think it's I? It looks dumb. Who gives a shit like you have to mentally rebel against it all the time? And like I guess I could if someone took a wrong turn, it could end

 

Mandy Retsuko [00:59:52] up being

 

local neighborhood baby [00:59:54] a right like a true villain.

 

local neighborhood baby [00:59:56] Yeah, but I love in that. I'll just throw that out there, too. I mentioned my writing like, That's those are my favorite characters like I love. I guess not even love. Like, it's like, I

 

local neighborhood baby [01:00:07] understand too

 

local neighborhood baby [01:00:09] that. Side of things, because, you know, life can sometimes leave you jaded and you get really pissed off, you know, if you think about it, you're like, I spent like 18 years being this other person because like, you would not let me be myself, and you could get really angry about it and kind of just like, serve that to the world on a cold platter like, I'm pissed. And this is to encourage you not to take that direction.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:00:37] Honestly, honestly,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:00:38] I love this job, like a lot of people have just been saying like, Oh yeah, this is my villain origin story or whatever.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:00:44] And I, like we said before,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:00:46] we can learn a lot from terrible people and villains because the fact that they're so comfortable and just being so shitty that should give you more reason to be more comfortable and being yourself because you're not even terrible, though, like you can be yourself. And I and honestly, sometimes I'm just like,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:01:06] Do I just

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:01:07] become a bad person because I

 

local neighborhood baby [01:01:09] have setbacks? Thank God, you said that. I've said that so many times in my life. It's not even funny. I was like, I even thought that as a kid, like, it would be so much more because I watched my brother growing up. He was like, he got to

 

local neighborhood baby [01:01:21] a point in his

 

local neighborhood baby [01:01:22] teenage years that he was like super rebellious, did whatever he wanted, got in a ton of trouble, drove my parents crazy and made my house such a tumultuous place. And I was like, But damn, though like he

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:01:36] like to do I. He's living his

 

local neighborhood baby [01:01:38] life, you know, and there are some consequences involved. But like, he's living it. And I always just thought like, Oh my god, it'll be so much better if I was because I would not, I wouldn't give a shit like I would just be this terrible quote unquote person, and it would just be more fun. And I'm not saying that anybody listening should be like this.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:01:55] Yeah, but this is kind of jokes.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:01:58] This is just jokes like this

 

local neighborhood baby [01:02:00] is not advice,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:02:01] right? You cannot give me any advice.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:02:04] No, but it does. I do have those thoughts, for sure. Like, I'm like, You know what? It would be so much easier if I was a bad person, because when I look around

 

local neighborhood baby [01:02:13] the room, you know, the people

 

local neighborhood baby [01:02:15] rolling in dough and the people like living it up. Yeah, a lot of the times are these terrible motherfuckers, and I'm like, It's because they don't give a shit like they will take what they want out of this world. And maybe I'll see you somewhere. I don't want to see you like it. But at the end of the day, like, yeah, I guess they have. They're having a good time. I mean, I don't know,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:02:36] because listen,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:02:38] from my experiences of always trying to be the better person and just being a person, you don't win like you. You still

 

local neighborhood baby [01:02:46] don't win. When you're it feels like you

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:02:48] don't win when you're a good person, because now all the sudden, you're just people are just hurting and like, you're in a lot of abusive situations and like, you're just seeing the worst out of people and you're getting the shit and sick of it all the time whenever you're a good person. And so it just really makes me think, let me just enter my blood era because I'm tired,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:03:05] like I don't feel anymore. I know it sucks

 

local neighborhood baby [01:03:09] kind of does suck on this. And to be honest with you guys, like, yeah, I realize that too, like being a good person. It really is hard and it sucks. And even if you are a good person, like, I feel like the people who are the most good question themselves all the time, like, am I good?

 

local neighborhood baby [01:03:25] You know, like, am

 

local neighborhood baby [01:03:26] I good enough and stuff like that? So you're even you're even doing all of that. And it's almost for no

 

local neighborhood baby [01:03:30] reason in a world full of people

 

local neighborhood baby [01:03:32] that are, like, mostly not good. But I guess it's hilarious in a way. Like it's some sort of cosmic joke like,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:03:41] no, no, it

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:03:42] is like also, it's not super black and white as well. Like, not all people are all good. All bad people are very comfortable, like you said before. But for the most part, yeah, I've seen a lot of sides of people that I did not want to see.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:03:55] Well, I'll ask you this question, and I'll also say for me, to my then landside worst side, whatever the case may be, I feel Shahryar is itself

 

local neighborhood baby [01:04:03] a lot in

 

local neighborhood baby [01:04:05] my romantic life. That's where I make the most. OK, well, let's get into it. I those. I mean, I just I feel like those are the moments in my life where I'm the most like. I can be the most selfish. You know what I'm saying?

 

local neighborhood baby [01:04:20] Like, I've made a lot of

 

local neighborhood baby [01:04:22] bad decisions or

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:04:24] cancer. Yeah, yeah.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:04:25] I made a lot of that, but not those kind of bad decisions where it's like, Oh, I chose the wrong guy. It's like the the guy chose the wrong me.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:04:33] Like, I it's not mine. But yeah, like

 

local neighborhood baby [01:04:37] I was like, I feel like I ruined a few lives, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, unraveled a couple of people, truly, because there are so many instances, OK? And this is, I guess, this is a little bit of a cancer esthetic in a sense, like the size of the person that I a lot of

 

local neighborhood baby [01:04:54] cancers too like, they kind of exude this sense of

 

local neighborhood baby [01:04:57] nurturing to people, I think, and because of the fact that, like I do allow people to

 

local neighborhood baby [01:05:02] be like that themselves.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:05:04] But a lot of men, especially like they don't have that experience that a lot in their lives, they don't. One of the things that I do, for example, is I will basically it's almost like lying. I'll say something more like, what do you feel about like, how do you feel about like monogamous relationships? They're stupid, right? Like, can people really expect someone to really stick to like one person? I feel like that's kind of nuts. And then like, I'll make comments that like, I don't know, like, I'll just say things that like, I don't truly believe, but like, I get more and more and more outlandish with my statement to see how people like, how they react to it and like what they say. And I make it seem like I'm super, super comfortable with all of this. This is kind of a scorpion thing, too, because we don't trust anybody. But like, you get to see like what they say, it's like catch them almost and what their true ideals are, because I'm so I'm seemingly so comfortable with all of these things. They will express themselves truly like they don't have any incentive to lie because they don't think I'm going to run away from it because obviously I have this like outlandish, controversial

 

local neighborhood baby [01:06:09] view that I'm expressing.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:06:10] And so if they agree with it, they'll say it. And if they don't, they won't and they'll feel fully comfortable. And I do that in all aspects, especially in the beginning. Like, I'm like, I basically act like I'm pretty much OK and accepting of like everything because I want them to, like, tell me everything. And then they feel like, Oh my God,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:06:26] this is the best.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:06:28] Like, you're the best person I've ever talked to my life. I'm so in love. Like, This is amazing. This is great. But really, I'm just like gathering data and then I'm like exiting stage left like, I don't actually, this is not going to work, you know what I mean? Like, whatever. And they're like, Wait a minute, what? And then for me, it's I'm like, Yeah, like, I don't like you and

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:06:48] it's over, like,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:06:51] I'm gone and like, they go fucking nuts, you know what I mean? So that's happened a lot. And then there's the other part of me that's like, you know, especially from a single perspective, like, I don't know, I just

 

local neighborhood baby [01:07:02] do fucked up things like one of the

 

local neighborhood baby [01:07:03] lots of things that I've done that I've talked about on this podcast. I like

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:07:06] it. You're honest.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:07:07] Yeah, like

 

local neighborhood baby [01:07:09] like I was talking to this one guy. We were talking for a while, and one of the reasons why we're not together is because, like, I always felt like he was a lot more mature than me and like that I would ruin his life. But I also thought that he was a great person, so I didn't want to, like, wreck that too badly.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:07:24] And so like, that was the main reason

 

local neighborhood baby [01:07:26] why I like, you know, I'm like, I decided, OK, I don't want to be with this person

 

local neighborhood baby [01:07:29] because I'm not there yet. You know what I mean?

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:07:31] Not very mature of you.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:07:33] Yeah, I know.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:07:34] But then but then

 

local neighborhood baby [01:07:38] like, I went to this happy hour and there's this other guy that I work with, and he's really cute, and he reminds me of this other guy that I talked to, like, he kind of reminds me of him. And so after a couple of shots, I was like, Send a picture of this guy to the other guy, and I was like, You know what? Like, I feel like this is the person that I basically hook up with because like, if I can't hook up with you, I'm hooking up with this guy. He is this this, this and this. And he kind of looks like you, to be honest. Like, it

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:08:08] was

 

local neighborhood baby [01:08:09] like this. This is like several text you don't have, say, and it's just like reckless. And then like, very reckless that that happens. That's fucked up right next to and I invite him out like another happy hour and I fight the other guy out to come to this happy hour. And they're going to, like, basically meet each other, be sitting next to each other, meet each other.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:08:30] You're and it's

 

local neighborhood baby [01:08:32] like such a weird situation, like fucked up situation to put someone in. And actually, yeah. Tip of the iceberg. You know, I'm saying I'm so like, I feel like again, like there's a little bit of a villain role in my romantic relationships

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:08:44] because yeah, babe, I can see that.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:08:47] You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. I don't know why, but it just that's where it rears its ugly head. I'm just kind of like, This is just a side of me that just kind of comes out. I'm like, Haha, I'm going to do this. Or even like I remember, one guy asked me, like, What is your sexual fantasy? And I was like, OK, I'm about OK, I'm going to think about this, and I get really specific. And I was like, You know what? It would be like, OK, you're hooking up with a guy and he is like with another girl, and he's like, She's like the love of his life. You know, it could be his wife. It could be like whoever and you're hooking up with him and he's right about to come

 

local neighborhood baby [01:09:22] and she walks in. And so she's

 

local neighborhood baby [01:09:24] like, What is going on? And he feels so guilty and he wants to stop, but he's about to come so he can't stop. And I'm like, That is peak for me. Like, You're just like, You're Chinese. Yeah, like, you're you're like, I can't buy a cat, though, and like, it's so like that to me is like, amazing. And he's like, Something is really wrong with you. But yeah,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:09:45] I was like that

 

local neighborhood baby [01:09:46] because it's like, you know, like, I'm just is there and it's like, ha ha bitch. Like, I don't know, there's something that I kind of loved about that situation, and I was like, You know, you're actually my fantasy wasn't just

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:09:54] telling you about your truth, little fantasy,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:09:57] or was that something,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:09:58] you know, 100 percent, 100 percent like? Because I feel I don't know. It's just like a powerful situation to be in. It's like, damn like your life is getting ruined live. You can't stop. You're helpless. Stop.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:10:10] And it's just I don't know, there's

 

local neighborhood baby [01:10:12] something about that combo that's like to me chef's kiss. But yeah,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:10:16] like that is

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:10:18] definitely a villain as bad as he likes, for sure. Like the ultimate villain. Yeah. Other areas of my life,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:10:25] I feel like I'm pretty good. But like, yeah, romantic relationships. Relationships in general.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:10:29] Like, it's just it's not, you know,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:10:33] I hate to do there. So let's let's

 

local neighborhood baby [01:10:35] pivot to you where what,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:10:41] what area of your life you've

 

local neighborhood baby [01:10:43] been the most

 

local neighborhood baby [01:10:44] villainous?

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:10:45] Oh, I love that we're talking about this. OK, first off, I need to say a lot of things to what you just said to me. So let's unpack here. So I I don't know whether to

 

local neighborhood baby [01:10:56] say your

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:10:58] way of gathering data is genius or manipulative, but

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:11:02] I would say both. You know, it

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:11:04] really is genius because like, honestly, that is, yeah, like playing

 

local neighborhood baby [01:11:08] dumb. You will get

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:11:09] the most information

 

local neighborhood baby [01:11:11] out of people.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:11:12] Sure, people lie all the time, but especially in that context, like because I realize, you know

 

local neighborhood baby [01:11:18] what I realized when people are dating you,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:11:20] they really focus

 

local neighborhood baby [01:11:21] on presenting them their best

 

local neighborhood baby [01:11:23] selves to you first, and then they save the worst for life. That's a time waster. Let's spin this around.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:11:29] Let's break.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:11:31] Let's get to it right now, and the only way to make them do that is to make them feel comfortable. And yeah, OK. It's not genuine, but like you start to feel comfortable when you present your real self. To me, you're like, OK, yeah, me too. Like, This is me, right?

 

local neighborhood baby [01:11:44] And yeah,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:11:46] yeah, no, you're pretty genius for that. And may I ask

 

local neighborhood baby [01:11:49] what your sexuality is?

 

local neighborhood baby [01:11:51] Yeah, I'm straight. I appreciate other sex is I feel like women are really sexy, but I'm, for the most part, straight.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:11:59] Got it. So the fact that you deal with men and that

 

local neighborhood baby [01:12:03] you're maneuvering

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:12:04] within this way with men?

 

local neighborhood baby [01:12:05] I think honesty

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:12:06] is the way to go

 

local neighborhood baby [01:12:07] because men,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:12:09] cis men, the men that I've dealt with all my life,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:12:13] you have to play

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:12:14] a game with them like, not like genuinely like, you have to think about your well-being. You have

 

local neighborhood baby [01:12:20] to make sure

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:12:21] you're getting compensated for your time with them because

 

local neighborhood baby [01:12:25] if you are protecting

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:12:26] yourself against them, like they will run

 

local neighborhood baby [01:12:27] you over, they'll leave you for dead. Oh yeah, oh yeah.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:12:31] And you know, there is more of a I don't know. It's and I know I'm not going to say that it's their fault, but I feel like it's the way it's presented because, you know, for them, like, I feel like men and women, you know, cis men and women specifically like they have seemed to have most of them very different like ideals and like golf relationships like it's not in line with each other at all whatsoever. Like the man, it's like right now, like first and foremost, let's fuck the rest of it. We could get to it, maybe when we get to it and stuff. But like, right?

 

local neighborhood baby [01:13:02] Really what I'm about? And then like, the

 

local neighborhood baby [01:13:04] woman is just kind of like, totally OK. Yeah, like, I don't mind sex, but like, I really just like need to know that you're like a provider protector like this and that and whatever. And so I feel like the guys are like, OK, OK. So all every time I listen to this, men talk, whether it's through a podcast or like just in real life and stuff when they're really talking, they're kind of

 

local neighborhood baby [01:13:26] like, it seems like and they don't even realize it.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:13:28] Everything that they're trying to do is with the goal of getting a woman to trust him enough that they can get in her pants at the end of the day. Yeah, and manipulate them.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:13:38] And it's

 

local neighborhood baby [01:13:38] it's not. It may not even be manipulation.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:13:40] It's just like it's going

 

local neighborhood baby [01:13:41] to be like, Yeah, but sometimes a lot of times it is.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:13:44] But it's like, you know, I just

 

local neighborhood baby [01:13:46] need to like, get in the door here, and

 

local neighborhood baby [01:13:49] that's why they sit around. It's like anything that you like.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:13:51] I feel like sometimes men would just like not even have a car if it wasn't

 

local neighborhood baby [01:13:55] about a woman. A lot of men that

 

local neighborhood baby [01:13:57] I hear talk us, don't even that they love cars. It's just like, Oh yeah, this car is so nice. Like, I couldn't have women come in and like, Think that I'm cool. Like, I almost almost every aspect of their life is focused on, like revealing a woman and a little bit that they literally is. It's very primal. It's very like Animal Planet. Like, I'm just like,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:14:16] I just have these

 

local neighborhood baby [01:14:17] colored feathers so that you can, like, be attracted to me.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:14:20] I don't know what it is, literally, but I.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:14:22] For me, it's like, OK, yeah, like you said, play dumb. I want to know more about you. So I want to make you feel very, very comfortable. And it is fucked up because there are a lot of guys, good guys out there that I have met that

 

local neighborhood baby [01:14:33] have definitely

 

local neighborhood baby [01:14:35] not the stature, Matt, because I feel like when I come to the table and maybe this is like less self love, but like when I come to see what I feel like, I'm bringing the

 

local neighborhood baby [01:14:42] worst. Like, there's not a lot of

 

local neighborhood baby [01:14:44] there's not a lot of

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:14:45] like when it comes to relationships, like it's not like a lot of that come in here and

 

local neighborhood baby [01:14:51] sometimes I have a little garnish, but that's about it, like my bringing my show. I feel like it's it is to their detriment, for sure. Like, I'm like, it's a little life ruining to think like somebody totally gets you. And then at the end of it, they're like.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:15:04] And anyway, I'm gone right now.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:15:07] Honestly, I. Like, you may be doing God's work with that

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:15:13] with men, because

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:15:16] honestly, I don't feel like it's a bad thing when you're dealing with men, like I feel like with all the damage they've done to women. The scale is just way different. But anyways, also don't take what I'm saying super super.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:15:28] Literally like, I'm also just

 

local neighborhood baby [01:15:30] know a lot. Yeah, it's generalizations like based off your experiences in a lot of other people experience.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:15:38] That's what I'm saying, right? And the fact that you're a kid, sir, and

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:15:42] I just love how honest you are, truly, because the fact that like, you're this honest and you know what you're doing and you know, there may not be the best, but also I want to talk to you about about what you're doing, but also at the same time, like, you know, like you could be doing better things, but also,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:15:56] you know what I mean? You know what I'm trying to say anyway?

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:15:57] Yeah, yeah, it's it.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:15:59] And it is part of the whole Scorpio Moon thing that I always like when I dig and investigate and learn more about somebody, especially in a romantic sense, like I just I already did your background check. Like, Don't worry about it.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:16:10] Yeah, you know, like

 

local neighborhood baby [01:16:11] before we went into the day, like I did that, you know what I mean? And I did my research. I'm not going to bring it up, but I did my research and I will use it to my advantage in different ways.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:16:23] Oh my god. And then your cancer style with your Scorpio Moon together? Oh no, you villain shit for sure.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:16:35] Sure.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:16:37] And I know this personally because my ex was a cancer and Jesus Christ, like all the man.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:16:43] Oh my god, how was that?

 

local neighborhood baby [01:16:45] I need to know because they are something else babes abusive.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:16:51] I got so this lots of

 

local neighborhood baby [01:16:53] emotional

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:16:54] manipulation. Oh yeah, that's what I associate with cancers, honestly, are underdeveloped cancers. Let me

 

local neighborhood baby [01:17:00] say that underdeveloped

 

local neighborhood baby [01:17:01] tier three, Tier three,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:17:03] yeah. Oh, lots

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:17:05] of emotional manipulation and just

 

local neighborhood baby [01:17:08] there. And also definitely no loyalty.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:17:11] But to be honest, there it was just a very bizarre situation that I was put in, and I'm very glad that I got out of it.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:17:18] Yeah.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:17:19] Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's maybe it's like a little bit of like Leo in me

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:17:23] and Leo because it's like, Well, yeah, my because I'm like, I'm loyal,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:17:29] but in our relationship, they'll hold on, like, hold the phone

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:17:32] like,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:17:33] no, I. But again, like, I mean, for me, I've never been in love and I've never been, you

 

local neighborhood baby [01:17:39] know, my heart

 

local neighborhood baby [01:17:40] has never

 

local neighborhood baby [01:17:41] been in

 

local neighborhood baby [01:17:42] any of this.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:17:43] So that's also a

 

local neighborhood baby [01:17:45] thing to point out, too, is that like I was never like in love with any of these people or even like loved any of these people, it was just kind of like, I'm attracted to you physically. And maybe there's something like a little bit interesting about you that I want to find out more about. But I was that was the extent of it.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:18:02] So I guess like that also allows

 

local neighborhood baby [01:18:04] for me to be a little more reckless.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:18:07] Oh, right, exactly. Your heart. Your heart isn't

 

local neighborhood baby [01:18:09] in there through

 

local neighborhood baby [01:18:11] no end. You know what? It also it's very guarded. I think that's also a

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:18:15] Scorpio moon base.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:18:17] It's like it's very guarded, like you're going to have to scale the gate. And it's also like

 

local neighborhood baby [01:18:22] electric and there's

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:18:24] guards. There's like

 

local neighborhood baby [01:18:26] there's spikes.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:18:27] You're going to bleed getting out this gate.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:18:29] But like if you get over it, it's because you really, really wanted to. And like, I feel like there's valor in that. You know what I'm saying?

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:18:36] There's nothing persevere. It's for sure.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:18:38] Oh yeah, and I need that in person because I feel like people talk about spending their lives together. But like, can you though, right?

 

local neighborhood baby [01:18:46] Right? Like, can we please just let

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:18:48] go of the forever thing, if I would be honest.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:18:51] I mean, you know, I feel like it's such a cause I love when I hear people talk about love and they say, Oh, you know, in such poetic ways that it's like, it is this rare thing. Like, not everybody can find this, but then they're like, I was in love last week.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:19:04] Like, Bitch,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:19:07] how is this possible? I thought it was so fully rare.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:19:10] Like, you can't lie. Tell me, like every person, you know, whether you were in love with them, come on. Like, it is a rare thing because I think that there's something very selfless and very like you have to let go like, very not self-sacrificing, but you give up all control and love. I think if you're truly in love with somebody, you'll yield to them and you give them all control and they also give up all control. That's why he will talk about giving themselves to the other person in a sense. And when you both are on that same page, it's a beautiful thing because

 

local neighborhood baby [01:19:40] they are wanting everything,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:19:43] happiness and all these things for you and everything that they compromise with you with and like. It's all in favor of, like because they love you, but then you're also doing the same thing. So it's a beautiful thing. And again, it's very rare for two people to

 

local neighborhood baby [01:19:54] even feel that way or like be on that same

 

local neighborhood baby [01:19:57] page to

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:19:57] truly feel that way for each

 

local neighborhood baby [01:19:59] other. Yeah, like that's super, super rare. And like all these people that you're looking around at and like, they're married and have them fucking hate each other.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:20:09] They despise each other. It's not even that, you know.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:20:12] Right?

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:20:13] I guess I want to say that like I feel like people really treat love as a rare thing and that's like a scarce resource.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:20:20] But this also goes back into self-love.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:20:23] I feel like if we all truly learn how to love ourselves and truly learn that with loving ourselves, we can love others in a very healthy and true way. Love can be very abundant at the same time, like with our friendships, not even only romantic relationships because love should. Not only love should not

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:20:41] know the reason for romantic relationships. Right?

 

local neighborhood baby [01:20:45] Love can be friendships, for sure.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:20:48] Absolutely. Love can be very. It can be very simple and it can be very easy. It can.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:20:53] I think I think real love is like, you know what I'm saying, right?

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:20:57] And love also should not require suffering at all. I don't think that's love.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:21:02] No, I don't think there's anything. It has anything to do with suffering. If you love someone, you may sacrifice yourself for them or whatever the case may be like. Maybe they're they're burning in a building or something and you run in. That's different. But like suffering all the time, like, we love each other. That's why we fight so hard. Like, Yeah, no,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:21:19] no, that's not the truth, you. You need to get out. I think it's quite true.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:21:25] You kidding yourself? That is not love. But again, people's ideas of love. They don't realize all the time, but like it is in terms of like everybody kind of grows up assuming that their parents are in love and then they rolled their eyes. Yeah. And they build their ideals of like, what relationship should be like off of their parents and even when they don't think that they did that. When you look at your relationships and like what you're comfortable with, you realize that a lot of the same things that you hearing same kind of like fighting and noise and whatever the case may be being abused and you're recreating the same scenario over and over again, you don't even realize it. You know, like, that's why I don't know how I got here. I don't know how I became the villain because my parents are

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:22:08] I don't think they were anything like that.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:22:12] So I'm just

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:22:14] like, It's the kids, are you, babes?

 

local neighborhood baby [01:22:16] Maybe it is like a form of revenge in a sense, which would be very like scorpion,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:22:21] like maybe mixed over

 

local neighborhood baby [01:22:22] French in a sense, because it's like, you know what, I've seen my mom has to deal with and put up

 

local neighborhood baby [01:22:28] with so

 

local neighborhood baby [01:22:29] much shit, and a lot of the women around me have to deal with and put up with so much shit. And I guess that's part of my goal, too. Like, I just really, really, really do not want to spend a lot of time putting up with someone else's bullshit. And so like, I really aim to suss that out in the beginning. Now I got a lot of bullshit that I bring to the table once again.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:22:49] But that's up to them to figure that out. That's right. They can accept

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:22:54] that or not. Yeah, right. Also brings another bell hooks quote that I want to say all too often, women believe it is a sign of commitment, an expression of love to

 

local neighborhood baby [01:23:07] endure unkindness

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:23:08] or

 

local neighborhood baby [01:23:08] cruelty to forgive and forget. In actuality, when we love.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:23:12] Rightly, we know that the healthy, loving response to cruelty and abuse is putting ourselves out of harm's way.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:23:20] Oh, that is so true. A word that is a word. Because while women really do

 

local neighborhood baby [01:23:29] feel that way like, you know,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:23:31] so many women have said that like, you know, I'm able to forgive the say, we're looking at you, I'm able to forget like you don't say.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:23:39] Right, right.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:23:40] But yeah, that doesn't seem very loving or a self loving, and

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:23:45] it's not one at all.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:23:47] And so we're supposed to talk about, oh, my villain stuff.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:23:51] Yes.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:23:52] Yes, that's what I want to know is about your what aspects of your life that you feel like you're the most a villain? Tell us about it.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:24:01] Right? OK, so to let you know I'm a Gemini sign with a Scorpio

 

local neighborhood baby [01:24:05] sounds a little scary.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:24:06] Sounds a little intense because it is,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:24:09] and

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:24:11] I feel like my toxic traits, what I feel like. They definitely come out within romantic relationships as well. I think a lot of people's toxic traits come out within their romantic relationships. I also have to say I've also never

 

local neighborhood baby [01:24:23] been in love

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:24:25] as well, or I

 

local neighborhood baby [01:24:26] thought I was.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:24:27] But really, I was just loving the idea of them, and I was just projecting a fantasy onto them, which a lot of people can relate to, I assume.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:24:36] And also because I realized

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:24:37] that I'm also just not straight. So like I really did not after my first like real queer experience, I knew

 

local neighborhood baby [01:24:44] you're like, This is for me.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:24:47] Yeah, I did like the men stuff was child's play. I don't know what the fuck that was.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:24:51] That was literally

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:24:54] nothing compared to like being queer and like really living in it.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:24:59] And I want to hear a little bit about that just because if you're comfortable, because

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:25:03] I

 

local neighborhood baby [01:25:04] have always wondered about like what that dynamic is like and like, how does it? Differ from like relationships versus people, and I don't know, I don't hear a lot about it, I hear, you know, a lot of people just say, OK, I'm queer, I fit into LGBTQ and I don't know. I want to know what that dynamic is like when you're dating in that world and like.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:25:24] Right?

 

local neighborhood baby [01:25:25] Yeah, babe. Let's get

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:25:27] into it. So I came out

 

local neighborhood baby [01:25:29] last year after I ended

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:25:31] my last relationship. That's what I really started to step into

 

local neighborhood baby [01:25:34] my life and step

 

local neighborhood baby [01:25:37] into the light.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:25:38] Yeah, I've seen the light babe I really have. It's not to say

 

local neighborhood baby [01:25:43] that, like, there aren't shitty

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:25:44] people within the queer community because like, there definitely is a shitty people everywhere

 

local neighborhood baby [01:25:48] and definitely seen that

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:25:49] oh, jesus christ anyways. But compared to men, compared to just only dating cis men and only being with this man, you really you really, really get to see how your relationships with men and are just from my personal experiences. I was going through like shit and like, literally did not even know it. I thought that this is what love was. I thought that I wasn't settling with men, but like, I absolutely was like, they weren't even onto them to see what they liked me, to be honest. Like, I wouldn't get flowers. I wouldn't get cards like that unless I

 

local neighborhood baby [01:26:22] had to, like, literally like, ask them for

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:26:24] it, which is ridiculous. Don't ever do that. And from

 

local neighborhood baby [01:26:29] my first

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:26:30] queer experience,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:26:31] like I got to really see how it

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:26:34] felt to actually be taken care of, to actually feel like somebody likes you to actually to actually feel consideration

 

local neighborhood baby [01:26:42] and

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:26:42] like thoughtfulness, which is an incredible, enlightening experience. I must say it really made me realize that I've really

 

local neighborhood baby [01:26:51] never liked anybody

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:26:52] before. Like, I feel like I just like, right now, I'm talking to somebody and like, they're like the first person I actually liked in my life. And like, I thought that I liked men before, but I really again child's play. Like, I don't know what that was,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:27:07] but it was nothing

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:27:09] compared to, like, how

 

local neighborhood baby [01:27:10] fulfilling life feels right

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:27:12] now and uniform. It is really beautiful. And I also realized

 

local neighborhood baby [01:27:17] like how I don't know what you know a

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:27:19] cop hat

 

local neighborhood baby [01:27:20] is, but is a compulsory

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:27:22] heterosexuality. And I didn't realize that I was literally convincing

 

local neighborhood baby [01:27:26] myself to like these

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:27:27] men. Like I was like, I didn't realize that like, it wasn't normal to do that. Like any time that I was just the guy, I had to convince myself to like them and I had to, like, kind of sit with that discomfort and thought that discomfort was like normal.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:27:44] And just I really realized how much I did

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:27:47] not like men, and I just kind of forced myself to because I thought that I was supposed to.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:27:52] Yeah, wow. That's powerful,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:27:55] right? And even within like sex with men, I noticed that like, I really, I would space out a lot.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:28:02] Honestly, I wouldn't really.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:28:04] I never felt the love and the intensity that I feel

 

local neighborhood baby [01:28:10] when I have sex with men, if you know what I mean.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:28:13] It's just way different. Like a completely different experience. And I don't think I'd ever go back, honestly.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:28:20] I think that's beautiful. And I feel

 

local neighborhood baby [01:28:22] like even if

 

local neighborhood baby [01:28:23] you don't identify within that community, so many of us have convinced ourselves that like we like

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:28:29] them and that we don't really like, you know, because we think that we're supposed to.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:28:33] And it's just so funny. But I it took me a long time to to realize the difference as well between attraction and love and like, you know, all that stuff, because sometimes you're attracted to somebody, but you don't like them. And I've got many of those like, I'm, yeah, attracted, but like, shut up. Right? Don't say anything because you're going to. I don't say one

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:28:52] word, no, you know, like, I don't want to hear from

 

local neighborhood baby [01:28:56] you.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:28:56] And I'm like a very, very much like a get off me kind of girl. Like, if you're not giving what it's supposed to give. Get off me.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:29:03] Exactly.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:29:04] Get off me. I'm not going to continue this. You know, some people are just like, OK, finish, and I'll get up. No, get off. Get off.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:29:11] I love that for you.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:29:13] I love that you feel good enough to literally stop it because a lot of, oh yeah, absolutely. A lot of women would definitely just about being like sex with men. Like, I

 

local neighborhood baby [01:29:22] feel like it's just

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:29:22] always catered to them. Everything is about like the whole purpose of it is for their pleasure.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:29:28] And that's also

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:29:29] another thing that I realized my sex with them was just so awful.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:29:32] Yeah, yeah, that happens a lot. And anytime I get the vibe

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:29:36] that somebody is

 

local neighborhood baby [01:29:37] doing it more from them than they are for me. Get off me.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:29:42] No, right? But to go back to my toxicity. So I feel like my Scorpio moon absolutely jumps out within my romantic relationships. And I feel like the thing that really knows about myself is that I can turn cold very quickly and whenever I feel slighted or whatever in any sort of way, if I feel slighted in any sort of way, or if I feel any sort of criticism. Them towards me, I will automatically turn cold and like, want to withdraw myself,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:30:12] even though like not every

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:30:14] situation warrants that look like you don't have to react in that way, like criticism towards yourself, like doesn't mean that like the other person hates you or the other person doesn't want to be with you anymore. But I feel like

 

local neighborhood baby [01:30:24] I've noticed ever since I was like, little like I can turn cold

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:30:27] very quickly.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:30:28] And like, once I feel like there is

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:30:31] some sort of threat or something, I want to withdraw myself first so that they can't do it to me.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:30:35] How am I going to lie? That speaks to my cancer soul. I was like that whole life, drawing back in a shell and also just like all of that because

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:30:45] that, yeah,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:30:46] that is something that definitely occurs.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:30:48] And I always when I

 

local neighborhood baby [01:30:50] look into the psychology of it in my own mind, I always attribute it back to like, I've spent so much time in my life being criticized by like my parents and other

 

local neighborhood baby [01:30:59] people that like, I'm

 

local neighborhood baby [01:31:00] not going to take this shit

 

local neighborhood baby [01:31:01] from you. Like if I feel like you're

 

local neighborhood baby [01:31:03] trying to criticize me and make me feel any sort of judged. Even if you're right, go fuck yourself.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:31:08] You know,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:31:10] I don't care because I didn't ask you. That's the thing. Like, you know, first of all, that's the thing about unsolicited advice. And like Curtis, I didn't ask you. So I don't want to hear about it. Maybe I already know this about myself. Maybe it's already being worked upon, but we're not there yet. I didn't ask you,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:31:27] so I don't want to hear about it. Right? Like honestly, and especially if a man were trying to criticize

 

local neighborhood baby [01:31:33] me, right?

 

local neighborhood baby [01:31:35] Like L literally, how could they really don't even know how to be constructive or present something in a way that doesn't offend the other person? Anyway, most people don't. So it's like, I didn't ask, you don't ask. Don't tell.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:31:49] Right? Oh my god. Good luck to you, girl, who is with the whole man stuff.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:31:53] No, I have a lot of fun.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:31:55] Clearly, you, I should, as you should.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:31:58] I have a lot of fun, but it is a tough they are tough crowd. These men, any man listening. It is tough because, you know, and I'm sure men feel that way too like, you know, about women. But it is very tough because again, like I feel personally that I say colleges are totally different and what we want and what's important to us.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:32:15] A lot of between a

 

local neighborhood baby [01:32:16] lot of men and women, very, very different. And so it's kind of hard to find somebody that's on the same wavelength as you. It's kind of hard to find something that's on the same wavelength as you, period, because it's like, I don't

 

local neighborhood baby [01:32:28] know, I feel like there's

 

local neighborhood baby [01:32:30] I don't know. It's just kind of hard.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:32:32] There's a lot of things that come with cis

 

local neighborhood baby [01:32:33] men and like,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:32:35] especially with cis relationships, I could find it to be very hard to navigate through and to really find who is actually for you and what works for y'all. And to find like the real, honest communication,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:32:46] a very,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:32:47] very difficult.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:32:48] Yeah. And I kind of use those

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:32:51] relationships to like

 

local neighborhood baby [01:32:53] sometimes I noticed that about myself too. I use those relationships to vent a lot of times my anger because a lot like since men give you a lot of reasons to be angry and I feel like it's

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:33:03] so

 

local neighborhood baby [01:33:03] many, so many

 

local neighborhood baby [01:33:04] reasons. You know what? Like this is where it's wrong, and this is where I'm a villain. Is that like, I have all of this data right in a site that you've given me. So like when you piss me off as a man, I'm just like, OK,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:33:19] this is going to hurt. All right.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:33:21] Because we're about to get into it. And I really just like, tear them apart. Like, it's harder. Just like I've had men like, are crying on the phone. It's nothing to brag about. It's just it. But at the same time, like it just at the time. Like this, and this is why it's villainous, like it gives me. It gave me such a life. And maybe that's daddy daddy issues. But at the same time, be, you know, 100 percent, it is Blake.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:33:49] It's like,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:33:50] I always feel, you know, how like those villains like doing the evil laugh that was me. Like, I'm like, Right?

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:33:55] You got the power.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:33:56] I felt the power, and I was like, You know what? And so it feels so good and like, I'm not the funny part of those situations. It's like they probably think, like, I've had so many guys tell me, like as soon as I get angry, like,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:34:07] you are a

 

local neighborhood baby [01:34:09] wildly

 

local neighborhood baby [01:34:10] different

 

local neighborhood baby [01:34:10] person because you're like this soft and sweet and cuddly girl. And then all of a sudden you're like,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:34:17] It's so insane

 

local neighborhood baby [01:34:19] how you are so different. And I'm just like, Hi, I'm buttercup, it's me. It's a different vibe, but I enjoy it because I'm like, I express my anger and they just happen to be events for that. And it's horrible. But it's just also true.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:34:36] So right. And also, when you go off on somebody, there is a very nice feeling with it. I'm not good at it.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:34:42] It's yeah, it is. They're such a nice feeling about it. That's why I'm like,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:34:46] Oh, oh my gosh,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:34:49] it's

 

local neighborhood baby [01:34:49] so it is like therapeutic.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:34:51] I'm not going to lie. It feels very empowering. Oh my God, going off on this, this man. Oh my God, it's very awesome. That could, like you said, stem from daddy issues. But you know what?

 

local neighborhood baby [01:35:01] It is? What it is. Oh yeah, it is what it is like.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:35:07] Daddy is. Is are alive and well, but like I definitely have had a lot of those moments where I just kind of like, go off. It's so funny because I feel like those men in those situations probably felt like I was so invested in what I was like going off about when really like I couldn't care less. I was just is a perfect excuse right there.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:35:26] Yeah, to like, I get angry and say what I

 

local neighborhood baby [01:35:29] have to say. And yeah, it's not healthy. But this is about honesty.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:35:34] We're being honest is insane, right?

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:35:37] It's impressive that you're open and honest about this as well. I feel like a lot

 

local neighborhood baby [01:35:40] of people would always try to

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:35:42] put on the facade that like, I know I'm toxic, but not really toxic. But I know, like you've said, what you do.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:35:48] Yeah, yeah. Like, I'm toxic, but I'm the Q kind of toxic know like this is like toxic know.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:35:55] Like this is real shit.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:35:56] Yeah.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:35:58] Like, seriously. And you know, the goal of this podcast for me was once I realized that I did have a goal was to make people feel less alone. You know, when I first started this show, I had no intention to make it like I wasn't even thinking about it as a podcast. It was just like I could come on here. I was using my phone. I would just like record like my thoughts, my feelings, and there was no consistency with it. And it was just like, whatever, I didn't think anybody in the world would be listening to. I just kind of like spoke into my phone like it was a recording, but it was just like, whatever. And to me, I was like, almost like voice sounds right? And then after that, like I, there was this guy and I forget where he was from is probably Iceland or like someplace like that. And you sent me like this message, and he was telling me how he so relate it to like what I was saying and what I was talking about. And he couldn't believe that, you know, there's somebody out there that that felt the same way and it made him feel, you know what? Whatever. So it didn't. I was like, Well, I was like, Wait a minute, if you are listening this

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:37:00] way

 

local neighborhood baby [01:37:01] way, you know?

 

local neighborhood baby [01:37:02] But then after I got over the fact that people could listen to it and were listening to it, I was like, You know what? Like, Yeah, that's the goal is to make people feel less alone. Because even if you're not perfect person, guess that none of us are.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:37:15] And we're talking about

 

local neighborhood baby [01:37:16] sometimes you may go through those periods where you, you poor self-love into yourself. But also a part of that is giving yourself a lot of grace to.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:37:24] Yes. Yes. Forgiveness.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:37:27] Forgiving to yourself. Very forgiving to yourself. And I got up to forgive myself for a lot.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:37:34] Right, right.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:37:36] That's it. I mean, that's literally if forgiveness is definitely a huge part of self-love and allowing yourself to make these mistakes and allowing yourself to learn.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:37:45] Yeah, it does feel good to be able to tell somebody about your mistakes because I think like to growing up, going back to like parents and stuff like there are a lot of parents out there that will make it seem like they've never made a mistake in their life and they were like, perfect. They love to tell you that, especially those traditional types. And so that makes you feel like even more terrible for making a mistake because you feel like you're the only one making these mistakes. But in reality, you're not. Everybody makes these kinds of mistakes some more than others, and you have to give yourself some grace for that. And forgive yourself, too, because you're going to make mistakes is the only way you learn. And it's great for me. It's great to be able to tell people like what I'm doing. And while I may,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:38:27] even while I'm still in the

 

local neighborhood baby [01:38:28] midst of it and like what I've done and mistakes that I've made because I feel like not only will they feel less alone, but also like, maybe you can learn something from all of this. Like, don't sleep with somebody, man.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:38:40] Yeah. Please, let's

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:38:42] just save the mess. Let's save the mess

 

local neighborhood baby [01:38:44] for the mess. You know what I mean? Like, don't do it.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:38:48] Yes, I'm glad you're your advocate for that. You know, don't mess with people.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:38:52] Don't mess with people like you. Try to stay

 

local neighborhood baby [01:38:55] away

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:38:56] from messy stuff because it never ends. Well, ever.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:38:59] Yeah. And I will say to me, it's not about the other person meaning like, it's not like the guy that, for example, like the guy that I

 

local neighborhood baby [01:39:07] will like hook up with or

 

local neighborhood baby [01:39:09] whatever. It's not about like because some girls like, I don't know, they feel like like they feel powerful because they're able to like, take somebody who's mad or like a ruin something. And for me, it's like, that's not what it's really about,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:39:21] like, Oh, I'm

 

local neighborhood baby [01:39:23] I'm more just. First of all, I love the fact that like, you're otherwise attached, like you have no room in this, whatever it is to like, negotiate anything like you're already showing me a worst side of yourself, like, you know, you're with someone else and like, you're indulging in this, like, you have no room to negotiate anything. And then the other part of interest is like, I don't know. It's like, I feel very a lot more comfortable because like the expectations, I guess the explanation are so low that it makes oh much more comfortable and more. I don't know. It's great because I feel like I can't fail at this. I cannot fail at this because there is no criteria like

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:40:05] intuition,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:40:06] like open test like. I can't feel at this, this is, you know, whatever, and so it makes it so easy. And then of course, there's that for me, the villain again, the villain factor of like knowing that, you know, yeah, you're going to fucking regret this shit. You have to live with it and you're going to it's going to suck for you, isn't it? Ha ha ha.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:40:25] But that

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:40:27] doesn't give any more insight into your thought process,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:40:30] because I honestly

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:40:31] didn't really understand why people like doing it but

 

local neighborhood baby [01:40:33] know like you made

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:40:34] it make sense.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:40:35] I can do that. I'm a cancer.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:40:38] Right, right, right. The worst thing? Things make

 

local neighborhood baby [01:40:42] it just to give

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:40:43] some perspective.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:40:44] And again, we're not advocating

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:40:46] for any of this. We're just getting some insights.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:40:49] No, just some insight, because it's true. Like, so again, a lot of people are like, Oh my god, yeah, I'm still your man or whatever, and they feel powerful because of that. But for me, it's like who I could give a shit about who this person is with.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:41:01] It really isn't about that.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:41:02] It's about me.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:41:03] Self-love, you know, Leo, you're Leo.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:41:08] Yes, Leo shining through. It's about me. OK? It is all about me in that situation because I feel like I can just totally be free. Who cares what we do? Who cares what I explore with you? It doesn't matter. Like your opinion at this point.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:41:23] Doesn't matter. You're a cheater.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:41:26] Yeah. Like, you could do anything right now and you can't even talk about it.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:41:30] You can't be like, That girl is

 

local neighborhood baby [01:41:32] crazy in bed. Like, No, it doesn't matter because you're a cheater.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:41:36] Yeah, you're doing the wrong thing. You can't say I.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:41:39] Yeah. Like, you have no room to talk. And so we I feel

 

local neighborhood baby [01:41:42] free any any situation

 

local neighborhood baby [01:41:44] toxic or healthy, that makes me feel a sense of freedom. I guess I'm attracted to it in some way because I'm like, you know, I feel free.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:41:51] Right? Well, I'm hoping that you lean more towards the healthy freedom.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:41:55] Yeah, absolutely. If my therapist is listening. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, the

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:42:05] therapist is listening. I feel like we're doing some really good work right now.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:42:08] No, absolutely. Honesty is the first step. Admission is the first step. I don't know. The second step is, but

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:42:17] the first one, and that's what matters. That's what matters.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:42:20] Are going to stick the core.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:42:21] Stay with it. But I like what she said about turning cold and things like that that can really touch a lot of people. I don't know. People get so affected. One of the things I realize people get so affected by, like you ignoring them, like I've had people go batshit crazy.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:42:35] Oh no. About real people are harass you, my god.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:42:39] Like they email you. That's how crazy it is. Like they used to call you. Like, how did you get my email?

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:42:45] Like, first of all, like this is like they went through all mediums they call me or someone else's phone.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:42:51] They're like, I've had guys be like, You know, I was in the emergency room.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:42:55] Yeah, blah blah blah. Yeah.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:42:56] And it's like, OK, die.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:42:57] Like, if you really do that, you know you're hilarious.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:43:04] Like, for real, you're action hilarious.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:43:06] But yeah, I mean, people really get crazy

 

local neighborhood baby [01:43:09] when they feel like, you know what, men

 

local neighborhood baby [01:43:10] really especially like, you know, cis men get crazy when they feel like you no longer care because they're so stuck in that mindset of, like thinking that women really do care so much. Like exactly the quote that

 

local neighborhood baby [01:43:22] you read, they like, feel like women

 

local neighborhood baby [01:43:23] really, really care. And so like if a woman at any point in time doesn't care, like drives them nuts, suddenly they're in love with her. They can't leave her alone because she does something wrong.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:43:32] It's OK. Even women hide

 

local neighborhood baby [01:43:34] behind that trying to be the girl that like, doesn't care so much because they think that it's it's the only thing that's going to really attract the guy to catering to them. If you notice the women who get treated the best, I feel like, you know, people actually define them, though, like she's such a bitch, but she is getting catered to. And it's so funny because men really do love bitches.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:43:56] They do. They do

 

local neighborhood baby [01:43:59] like they will cater

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:44:00] to bitches.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:44:01] Yes. They're not just saying

 

local neighborhood baby [01:44:03] that in the rap song for like the esthetic of the word

 

local neighborhood baby [01:44:06] they love bitches

 

local neighborhood baby [01:44:07] specific

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:44:11] like yours. Sincerely, a woman with a bad attitude. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Be a bitch. Be a better me and

 

local neighborhood baby [01:44:19] be that bitch.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:44:20] Be back in the bed

 

local neighborhood baby [01:44:22] and love yourself.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:44:24] You know what I mean? No, but you don't have

 

local neighborhood baby [01:44:25] to do it for a man. If you're really, I don't know, just be yourself. I also like that concept of because I felt like that

 

local neighborhood baby [01:44:32] too at a time where if

 

local neighborhood baby [01:44:34] because of how people acted in, how

 

local neighborhood baby [01:44:36] not nice people can be to

 

local neighborhood baby [01:44:38] you and things like that. Even in terms of relationships, I reach parents. I'm like, I want to just be a bitch that I want to be mean. I'm good with that. But then I realize, you know what the real power is in

 

local neighborhood baby [01:44:49] no matter how this world is

 

local neighborhood baby [01:44:51] presenting yourself, it's like that soft, nurturing person, if that's who you are. I feel a power in that because I feel like, you know, I'm still going to be myself. Now, if you cross me, I have the ability enough for myself and, you know, whatever, but I still if.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:45:07] This is my the way that I

 

local neighborhood baby [01:45:08] am, this is how I want to be, I'm going to be that way. Then if you because people look at you and they start kind of size you up and think like, OK, look, she seems so nice. She seems so sweet. It's like, this is what I can probably get away with. And so they do that, and it's like, I relish in like, OK, well, you know, you can try it all day. But then like, let's see where that gets you nowhere.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:45:29] Yeah, when it comes down to it, let's fucking see.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:45:31] Yeah, like, let's see where this gets you. You know, that's kind of fun, too,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:45:35] but like, be yourself no

 

local neighborhood baby [01:45:36] matter how people may perceive it, even if you're a nice person who you think like the world is full of, mean people be nice if it's sparks showing you to be nice. If it sparks strong, you to be generous or this or that do that. And if people try to mess with you or take advantage of you, like stand up for yourself, you know, handle it. But like, still be the person that you feel comfortable being because fuck these people.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:46:00] Right? Don't let

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:46:01] the world

 

local neighborhood baby [01:46:02] turn you dark.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:46:03] Mm hmm. And I've had a lot of that. I had a lot of that right.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:46:11] And that's why people become villains. Because like, there's just so much there's so much shitty things in the world that like sometimes it's easier to

 

local neighborhood baby [01:46:17] turn out

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:46:18] that way.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:46:19] And you know what, you can even you know what the crazy part to

 

local neighborhood baby [01:46:22] with, especially with that whole villain

 

local neighborhood baby [01:46:24] thing is like, you can't even take it out on the people that you that you're really mad at.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:46:29] Right? Is that the craziest part?

 

local neighborhood baby [01:46:30] It's like every villain. They're like, they're mad at these specific people or like one person, but like, they can't take it out on that person. They can't do anything about it too. Like they express it to the entire world

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:46:41] and innocent people,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:46:43] the innocent people. And it's crazy because like, I feel that way too. Like even with my mom, I have a lot of points of contention with her. But like I also love her. It's I feel like I don't want to make her feel bad, but I also wish I could be like,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:46:56] I like you. You know, you write whatever you think.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:47:01] And so there's no way to put it in. Sometimes they just put it in the wrong places, you know what I mean? So, yeah,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:47:07] it's time to traumatize our parents back.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:47:09] Yeah, you know what nursing home for, you know? Right, right?

 

local neighborhood baby [01:47:17] Yeah, it's time to get revenge on your parents.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:47:19] No, no,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:47:20] not for

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:47:21] most jokes. Just jokes.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:47:22] Yeah. But you do wish that you can have that conversation. And you know what? So much of the time. Having that conversation with your

 

local neighborhood baby [01:47:29] parents, like leads

 

local neighborhood baby [01:47:30] to the demise of your relationship that you don't really want. So that's why it's so hard. It's like if I said this to you and expressed you how I feel, you would take it as like, still combative and like I made you feel bad and all these things. And then like, you want talks in the year like we would have our relationship would be under a strain and we'd never be able to have passed it. And so that's why you really a lot of times you can't really realistically have that conversation unless

 

local neighborhood baby [01:47:53] you're willing to let go of the

 

local neighborhood baby [01:47:55] relationship that you have. And it sucks.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:47:57] Really sad, right?

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:47:58] And I mean, and

 

local neighborhood baby [01:47:59] honestly, if it leads to

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:48:01] that, let it be like,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:48:03] so be it

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:48:05] your peace of mind, like matters so much

 

local neighborhood baby [01:48:07] more again

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:48:08] than to anybody else, even if it is your family, your peace of mind matters so

 

local neighborhood baby [01:48:12] much more.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:48:13] And that's also a boundary, like if you expressing your pain and your trauma to your parents and they want to cut you

 

local neighborhood baby [01:48:22] off or want nothing to do with you, literally so fucking be

 

local neighborhood baby [01:48:26] like, OK, but that's traumatic, too. I'm not going to lie like that. It is an evil is super traumatic, you know, like for me, even just hearing that, like the thought of that for me is like, it's very traumatic because I have like abandonment issues in that way and I'm like, Man, like that would just really suck, you know, for me, right? So it kind of sucks in that. And that way too, like, you know, you don't want to lose those relationships, but you also wish that you were able to express it. And the happy medium is like, find someone to beat up. No, I'm just kidding.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:48:58] Honestly, everybody just needs to go to therapy like single body.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:49:01] That's the real message. Like, go to therapy and work it out. Talk about it. Cry about it. I don't know. Just live in your truth and like, get it out there. And even for me, like, you know, people who don't have like the means to go to therapy, like I said earlier, there are different forms of therapy in life. This podcast, to me, is in a sense, like a form of therapy. You know, maybe trinkets is, in a sense, a form of therapy, if people were. The fact that people know seriously, I mean, the fact that people have all these judgments about, you know, the way someone looks and like even down to like something like your nails and nail art and things like that, they're so

 

local neighborhood baby [01:49:34] triggered by it. But it allows

 

local neighborhood baby [01:49:35] you to like, express

 

local neighborhood baby [01:49:37] yourself and to say,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:49:38] fuck you, world. Like, I can put all the bling that I want on my nails and outside and like, have a good time and whatever. Like, there's a self-expression in that, and there's a therapeutic aspect to that. I think, you know, and hopefully for you, there is. And that is yes. Yeah. And even in self-care, because I

 

local neighborhood baby [01:49:56] love your whole like you had

 

local neighborhood baby [01:49:58] like, I think it was like a nighttime routine that I watched. I love watching those and yours was so nice because you had all these, like, really great. Tips and just seemed like so relaxing, I loved it, I love watching those things and like it was so nice to have.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:50:13] Thank you. No, yeah. Another huge thing with self-care like after. I don't know if you can relate, but like after I was in relationships, I guess another toxic trait was I became very codependent

 

local neighborhood baby [01:50:26] and I would

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:50:27] definitely lose myself within these relationships and not really take care of myself. Like I didn't have a real skin routine skincare routine to late last year and like taking care of my body. And I do like putting on lotion like after the shower, like little things like that. Like, I really didn't not care about myself. Like, whenever I was in these relationships and just going to therapy, doing my skincare, journaling, journaling helps me so much. I don't know if you're into that.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:50:53] Oh, yeah, absolutely. I love journaling.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:50:56] Oh my God, like my bullet journaling has like, saved my life.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:50:59] Oh my god, I love it.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:51:01] Oh yeah, you do.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:51:02] I love it so much. I watch all of those videos on YouTube like a plan

 

local neighborhood baby [01:51:07] with me, like spreads

 

local neighborhood baby [01:51:08] and stuff, so I can get ideas like I just am not so like artistically capable of some of the most beautiful things that I've seen, and I wish so badly that I was

 

local neighborhood baby [01:51:18] some like, damn like that looks

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:51:20] beautiful. Yeah, these people can come up with with wild ideas, but how they have beautiful things.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:51:26] I mean, God, you watch, do you watch them interracially?

 

local neighborhood baby [01:51:29] I do. I love you.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:51:30] I've learned all of my knowledge from her. Yeah, oh my god, it looks so. There are so

 

local neighborhood baby [01:51:36] many people who like that. Another like bullets are like,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:51:40] No, it's it's

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:51:41] literally so helpful.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:51:42] Like, I would not

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:51:43] be who I am today, like without it. Honestly, like, I started

 

local neighborhood baby [01:51:46] journaling

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:51:47] in August, and I've literally been consistent with it like ever since and like

 

local neighborhood baby [01:51:51] because it's like a free formula. So for those people who are listening and don't know what bullet journaling is, you can look it up. But I'll tell you that it is a form of planning that is free form and tracking things that are free form and customizable to you because you are making the spread. So like if you want to track your mood for the year or for the month and define it by different

 

local neighborhood baby [01:52:13] colors, you can do

 

local neighborhood baby [01:52:14] that if you want to track like your health or like your budget, or how many times you are toxic today. Like you could do

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:52:21] all of these different types

 

local neighborhood baby [01:52:22] of spreads, and they're totally customizable because you're making them. And there's so many fun ways to do this. It is so creative. So that's why it's so satisfying to them. And a lot of people are just, like, really, really artistically inclined. So they make it look so beautiful

 

local neighborhood baby [01:52:37] and you just have so much fun with it. So if you guys wanna check it out,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:52:40] go on YouTube, go on Pinterest, go wherever. And like, just look a bullet, you know, like a look, a bullet journaling spreads and you will be amazed. And hopefully you require you to do that because I love that.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:52:50] Yes, because after I graduated college or just being in school in general, my life revolved around school. And so I didn't have time to really.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:53:00] My structure was school. And so

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:53:02] after I graduated, I was just like, OK, like, I don't really

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:53:06] want to do it. Like, I

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:53:09] like both your lifestyle. And so I got into bullet journaling and like, I have a habit tracker. There have a mood tracker there. I do like calendar spreads. I do weekly spreads like literally every week I write down everything I

 

local neighborhood baby [01:53:20] need to do. I do my content planning there.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:53:24] I mean, I got it going to throw. I want to throw out a request out there. Since you do have that YouTube channel, I want to see

 

local neighborhood baby [01:53:29] some of your friends.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:53:31] If you're on welfare, that'll be our goal. I was thinking about

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:53:35] it, but I was just like, like, this is just like, really personal and like, really just like for me. But like, I'll think about it like, I think

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:53:40] I'll have like before you're writing

 

local neighborhood baby [01:53:42] it, like not like you're actual like stuff, but like when you're setting it up. Like, I just want to see like, cool set, you know what I mean?

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:53:49] Oh, because I have this one thing that I do at the beginning of every month I do, I have like a little

 

local neighborhood baby [01:53:52] envelope that I like put in there

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:53:54] and I like, put in what I put in the envelope is my intentions

 

local neighborhood baby [01:53:58] for the month. And then at the end

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:53:59] of month, I open up the envelope and see, like if I accomplished, like the intentions and stuff.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:54:04] Oh, I love that. I love that. That's so cool.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:54:08] It really adds so much structure to my life, especially with the habit trackers like I write down, like my vitamins, like my skincare going to the gym.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:54:16] And you know what? It's helpful with that whole self-love theme is because it makes you feel accomplished, like when you're able to like off that boxier like, I did this, it's like, Yeah, it's so small, but it's like if it gives you like a sense of like, Oh yeah, I got some shit out of today. Like, It's nice,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:54:32] oh my god, Zoey. So help literally change my life. It is the way I like go through life now. And so, yeah, definitely just journaling really helped with self-care and like just keeping me on some sort of track, keeping me on some sort of schedule, which really helps because literally after school, I was just like, OK,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:54:50] I don't even know how to do this,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:54:52] but I feel like I have to

 

local neighborhood baby [01:54:54] structure structures

 

local neighborhood baby [01:54:55] big. So much of the time

 

local neighborhood baby [01:54:57] when I am feeling like, I don't know, I'm stable. It's because like, I have no sense of structure, right? And I'm just doing whatever like I always wake up. At any time of the day, and now, like

 

local neighborhood baby [01:55:09] I remember when I went on a

 

local neighborhood baby [01:55:10] downward spiral, the one of the first times I was living alone, it was just that because I was like, Oh, I don't have any structure because it was like one of those first times. I was like, I was like a kid. I felt like my childhood selves

 

local neighborhood baby [01:55:22] and was like, OK, wow. Like, I remember, just like

 

local neighborhood baby [01:55:25] looking around and be like, Wow, you know what? I could get up like three in the morning, I could get up and I could do whatever like I could just like this around my apartment right now, and I could just like, cook and do whatever. Because no, like, there's nobody here. And then I think I realized that, yeah, once I realized that was like the beginning of the end, I was like, Yeah, like, I don't fucking rage, you

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:55:44] know, like, it was

 

local neighborhood baby [01:55:48] nuts for a while, but then it was like, It's not sustainable. It's not good for your health, it's not sustainable, and it doesn't make you feel good in the long run. And so, yeah, a little bit of structure goes a long way for sure.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:56:00] And if you don't want to

 

local neighborhood baby [01:56:01] blow off, that seems overwhelming. One of the other things I love is glam planning. I don't know if you've heard of this.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:56:07] I feel like I've never heard of it, but I could see what it could be.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:56:10] Glam planning is like. It involves a lot of stickers. First of all,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:56:13] I love your.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:56:15] Yeah. Like, I love glam planning too, because it is more simplistic like and you're not like so much focused on the spread as you are like the decor of

 

local neighborhood baby [01:56:25] it, right?

 

local neighborhood baby [01:56:26] Because there's like custom stickers. So you could have one that says package trinkets and like you get them off of Etsy. And like, you can make these really beautiful pages in your planner. And it's just nice. Like, I love it,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:56:38] and it's it's more simple.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:56:39] So if you guys don't get overwhelmed, like I said about bullet journaling, try glam planning because it's just so cutesy and so fun and super easy to do.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:56:49] Like, bro. Yeah, I looked it up and like, What the fuck? I should have gotten to this before because I feel like this really made a lot

 

local neighborhood baby [01:56:56] of like my desires

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:56:58] with stickers and just like how pretty things are.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:57:01] Oh my god, I love. I love stickers. I love stickers. So like glam planning like this, that does it for me. That definitely does it for me.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:57:10] Wow, I literally wrote whatever I saw. I was feeding my inner child. It was literally journaling and just realizing how good if those to just like, write and draw

 

local neighborhood baby [01:57:19] and to, like, use stickers

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:57:20] as well. And like, I don't know if you feel this way, but I know, like for some people, it can be kind of anxiety inducing on like where to put stickers because you don't want to lose it, you know what I mean? And so I made like a journal where, like I specifically like just four

 

local neighborhood baby [01:57:33] stickers and like,

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:57:35] it is so fun

 

local neighborhood baby [01:57:36] as that is so

 

local neighborhood baby [01:57:38] fun that is so fun.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:57:39] And like as a kid, like, I don't know if a lot of you guys remember you are probably about to get triggered right now. It's a trigger warning, but like a you would have stickers and like you have a limited amount of stickers, you'd want to stick them on everything you can't like. There was just such like a I felt stifled by my inability to put stickers

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:57:55] where I wanted to put them. So it is for you to feel your inner child in the sense

 

local neighborhood baby [01:58:00] to sit there and like, that's even the idea of, like I remember for a while there. Couple of years ago it it probably still is popular, but it was really popular for like adult coloring books. Do you remember that trend? Yes. Yes, I think that's where it was. Like, you know, coming out of was like this desire to just do something. First of all, it's very relaxing to be able to sit there and color, but they're like, These are things that you haven't done since you were a kid, or you could just be sort of mindlessly doing something that just made you happy. And it was not

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:58:29] all that

 

local neighborhood baby [01:58:29] good. Yeah.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:58:31] And sometimes you I always find it so weird. I have friends now that like they have children, right? And I see a change in them.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:58:39] Can I ask how old you are?

 

local neighborhood baby [01:58:40] Yeah, I just turned 30.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:58:42] Not too long ago.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:58:44] Wow, that's amazing. Different bracket.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:58:46] Different brand new era of your life.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:58:48] New era. But like same old me.

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:58:51] Always and there always you. You're always you.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:58:54] But yeah, no, I love it. But it's yeah, I have a lot of friends that like, of course, they have kids, and I noticed such a change in who they are

 

local neighborhood baby [01:59:03] not like this.

 

local neighborhood baby [01:59:04] Really, what it is is like. I noticed

 

local neighborhood baby [01:59:06] that they forgot

 

local neighborhood baby [01:59:07] how to be a kid. Like, it's almost like they went

 

local neighborhood baby [01:59:10] from the into the

 

local neighborhood baby [01:59:11] role of like mom or dad. I'm like, they totally abandoned child. Like, I forgot what it was like to be a kid. They even when they start to tell their stories like, Oh no, I never did that. I'm like, Wait a minute, I was there with you. And they, like, start to laugh and stuff. But it's like, it's almost like as if they've totally forget childhood. Like, it's this magical experience that fades when you have a kid of your own, which is really sad because I know with, like my brother, I have a niece and nephew. And one of the things that's most commented by my brother and his wife is like, the kids love you so much because like, you play with them all the time, like whenever you come. Like, I don't know how you have this energy, but you're like sitting there and you're like playing with them and it's like crazy. And I'm like, Well, because it's like easy and fun, right?

 

Mandy Retsuko [01:59:54] Like, like I said,

 

local neighborhood baby [01:59:57] Yeah, I'm just sitting there and I'm like coloring with them or whatever. They're like, You're so weird. How can you just sit there in color with the kids? You know, whatever? And I'm like, How can you not like, I don't know. It's just. Easy. How did you forget this? It's like they forgot they forgot all of that. Like, it's weird,

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:00:12] and I didn't know that was

 

local neighborhood baby [02:00:13] a thing. It's a huge thing.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:00:15] It's a huge thing. Like maybe if you ever come across someone that you once you get to a point in life, maybe where a lot of your friends are having children and they get to a point where like, you know who they were before they had kids, but then observe how they are, especially around their kids. It's like they forgot everything about how to like how, how they were when they were a kid, everything. And I remember, like, I'm like, I was five. Once I was six. Once, like my brother always complain. Like, Oh my God, my my niece, she'll be like, She's so mean to her little brother. Like, I can't even I can't deal with her. And I'm like,

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:00:47] This was us. This was you. Like, Hey, remember

 

local neighborhood baby [02:00:50] what it was like to like, have your sibling like, especially when the ages are like, further apart enough to where like you're not into the same shit. Like, she's like, I'm a little bit older than you. Sometimes we could play, but like it gets so far, like your games and my games are different age level. And so I'm not interested.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:01:07] You know, and I'm

 

local neighborhood baby [02:01:08] like, How did you forget this? Like, I don't get it. Yeah, huh. That happens a lot.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:01:14] I did not know that because literally I wasn't really around kids a lot until last year with one of my friends at the time and just being around kids like they really just remind

 

local neighborhood baby [02:01:24] you, like how simple

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:01:26] life can

 

local neighborhood baby [02:01:26] be like again and

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:01:28] how hard and how hard you try.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:01:31] But seriously, you know why? Because they do. You're right. They do remind you of how simple life can be in the simple joys of life. But at the same time, like around the holidays, I was again, I was around my niece and nephew. And I observed how many little things during the day that they want to do like, for example, like they want to. Oh, yeah, right? Yeah, I do a lot of just like, run around, right? Oh, like they can, they cannot run around because like their parents know, you can't do this as so many small things that kids want to do that they're not allowed to do and they get so upset. And it's like one day

 

local neighborhood baby [02:02:07] I'm going to get older and I'm going to be able to

 

local neighborhood baby [02:02:09] run a route. I'm going to be able to go outside and play on my scooter. And it's so sad because I'm

 

local neighborhood baby [02:02:14] like, you are able to

 

local neighborhood baby [02:02:15] do that. But like, there are so many other factors that will come into play where it will get in the way of you doing that too. And so it's like, I almost wish I could tell these parents like, you know, in appearance, if you're listening, like, I'm not saying, let your kids run wild, but I'm just saying, like, have those moments in your mind, if you can, where you realize that this childhood thing is like super limited, you spend most of your life as an adult

 

local neighborhood baby [02:02:37] for most of us.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:02:38] You spend most of your life as an adult and a little bit of your life as a kid

 

local neighborhood baby [02:02:42] and is

 

local neighborhood baby [02:02:43] super important to let them do those things. Small things from time to time whenever you can that let them?

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:02:49] I don't know. Enjoy being a kid, man, you know, man, you know, like, it's miserable being an adult when how fucking

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:02:58] a horrible life can be and with how much we suffer just by living.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:03:02] Like, definitely

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:03:04] let kids be kids and let kids have fun when they can't at least let them have

 

local neighborhood baby [02:03:08] some sort of space to be able

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:03:10] to express like their childlike

 

local neighborhood baby [02:03:12] freedom and like that type

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:03:14] of energy because it's really beautiful to see like and if they are granted that

 

local neighborhood baby [02:03:19] it has, they are so happy. That's why they always love when I come around because like everything they do, like their parents will start to yell at them and I'll be like, I'm on vacation. They're allowed to do this. And you know what I mean?

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:03:31] Like, so they love it.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:03:32] So they're just like, so, so happy. They're like, Oh, I

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:03:35] got to tell you that they love.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:03:36] It's not even it has for me. It's like, it's really nothing to do with me. It's just the fact that like, I'm happy that I can

 

local neighborhood baby [02:03:43] facilitate these

 

local neighborhood baby [02:03:44] moments in time where they can do what the, you know, simple things that they want to do. A parent, sometimes you know what, parent?

 

local neighborhood baby [02:03:50] I'm calling you out.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:03:51] This are sometimes like really weird rules like I remember, like their mom was like, No, you can only like, do your art and crafts upstairs. And obviously, like,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:04:01] to some extent, I get it like she wanted

 

local neighborhood baby [02:04:03] for them to do their arts and crafts in their room because it's easier to clean up and all the stuff downstairs, right?

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:04:08] But I'm like, Your fucking

 

local neighborhood baby [02:04:10] downstairs has the biggest table. Like, Let's go downstairs. Clean up is your life is over. Clean it up after.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:04:18] Like, you're like, Oh, well, you doing anything is for me.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:04:24] Let them have this moment where they bring out their lug their shit down and like, have their fun and whatever. Like, You're miserable anyway. Just clean it up after something you like.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:04:37] You say, like you knew what you

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:04:40] signed up for

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:04:40] when you had kids, kid, like, you know,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:04:42] like, you know, like, you're going to have to clean it up. So it's like, let them be like, let them whatever. And just like, relax, like, who cares? Like this dining room table that you have? Great. But like, it's not. It's not as much of an importance as it is like your kids. I don't know having a baby, you know, sometimes. Yeah, happiness like, oh, they're going to spend a lot of time being unhappy. Like, just let me.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:05:04] They are like with the shit they got to walk out. To lie,

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:05:07] my god, yeah.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:05:09] Let them be happy and enjoy their time because they stole treasure I was with. It's so funny how kids, when you get to around a kid that you really know and they get to a certain age like my niece is now, she's

 

local neighborhood baby [02:05:21] nine years old. And so,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:05:22] yeah, we were wrapping presents together in her

 

local neighborhood baby [02:05:25] room and she's like,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:05:26] Do you remember when I was younger and we used to just

 

local neighborhood baby [02:05:30] play all

 

local neighborhood baby [02:05:31] the time

 

local neighborhood baby [02:05:32] and we would do all these fun

 

local neighborhood baby [02:05:34] things? And I'm thinking,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:05:35] like, Girl,

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:05:37] that was yesterday. Like, like, you're nine years old anyway. And I remember as a kid, sometimes I would talk like that too. Like things just saying you felt older than you were, but it was just so funny

 

local neighborhood baby [02:05:48] to hear her talk about that.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:05:49] And I'm like, Oh,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:05:50] we could do arts and crafts. Do you like we can?

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:05:52] We can. It was so funny and so cute at the same time.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:05:57] Like that they just don't have any concept of like how old they actually are. But it is funny. It's like, but the timeless fly. It really does. So layer kids, because because this is a period of time where self-love can really thrive.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:06:12] And yes,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:06:13] if you instill this idea of self-love in them at home, it's not going to matter what these motherfuckers say outside. Like I'm telling you. Exactly, exactly. Even going to penetrate. I remember my grandmother, I would say, like, she was always just like, Yeah, so you look just like me. You're so beautiful. You're so this. You're so that. And so I remember going through periods of time where, like, jealous middle school girls would always just be saying stupid shit. And I was just kind of like, I know I'm beautiful,

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:06:48] but you're just you're just mad and you're just jealous and just jealous right now.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:06:53] But like I and I get that, but like, I don't give a shit like I know like and I watch so many of my friends and like other people,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:07:00] go through things where

 

local neighborhood baby [02:07:01] they felt like

 

local neighborhood baby [02:07:02] people would say things about

 

local neighborhood baby [02:07:04] them, mean things about their appearance. And they truly believed it. Like it wasn't just like, Oh, I'm sad because like, people are

 

local neighborhood baby [02:07:10] saying this, it was like, I also

 

local neighborhood baby [02:07:12] believe this about myself. And I think some of that comes from, like not getting that

 

local neighborhood baby [02:07:16] positive reinforcement

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:07:18] definitely does.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:07:20] Yeah. Like you feel, you know, and I'm just like, now, there's no fucking way I'm ugly because like, my grandmother is miserable.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:07:27] I'm beautiful right

 

local neighborhood baby [02:07:29] now and you're just mad, bitch. You're mad.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:07:32] And also, your childhood is like literally the most critical part of your life. Like the reason why you are the way we are

 

local neighborhood baby [02:07:40] now is

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:07:41] because of our childhood.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:07:43] I know and people kind of make fun of that stereotype of therapy. It's like everything is related back to your childhood,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:07:48] but

 

local neighborhood baby [02:07:49] they're called your formative years for a reason. You can no more. As difficult as it would be for you to unlearn English and unlearn how to tie your shoes and unlearn how to do all these things that you learn in your formative years, that's how hard it is to rid yourself of these like also things that you learn that may be negative in your formative years. You know, that's why you have to be very forgiving of yourself when you want to take such a long time to make progress with these things because they are ingrained

 

local neighborhood baby [02:08:16] in you and it sucks.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:08:18] I am mad about it, but like it is true, like it is ingrained in you and you have to actively kind of on chain yourself and try to underline these

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:08:28] things, unlearn and relearning. Yeah.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:08:31] Yeah. Replace them with something else. And it is. It's tough. It's really tough. And that's why, like if you have an opportunity to have an influence over a kid in your life,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:08:39] any kid, I don't care what kid it is, you need

 

local neighborhood baby [02:08:42] to take that opportunity seriously and be a positive influence in their life. I don't really even like kids that much, but like,

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:08:53] I mean, at least

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:08:55] you advocate for them. That's but

 

local neighborhood baby [02:08:57] I do. I do a hundred thousand percent advocate for kids because it's tough being a kid, like you said, like, it's such a fun, carefree time. But it is tough being a kid because you cannot for the life of you understand why these mother at first, like will not

 

local neighborhood baby [02:09:10] let you live your life

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:09:12] what you want to do. Like legit.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:09:14] Like, you know, you don't get it. It's like, What the hell, right?

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:09:20] Right, right? Amy, always.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:09:23] I was mad. I was in my room like my mom would be like, OK, well, no, you can't do this. You have to go clean your room. And I was

 

local neighborhood baby [02:09:29] in there like Mary J.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:09:31] Blige, no drama, no

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:09:32] more pain, like I was in there. You are like I was. So you're

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:09:40] angry.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:09:40] I'm sad. I love it.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:09:42] If I ever met Mary, I would tell her that like, you are singing this song fully about like an abusive relationship that she like, physically abused a very serious subject. And I was eight years old, cleaning my room like no more pain

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:09:57] because I can't go outside and Typekit my room like this was

 

local neighborhood baby [02:10:00] related to me. You know, music is for everyone.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:10:04] So I would literally be crying at the. Dinner table, because I don't want to finish my food.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:10:08] Don't even get me started on that because trigger trigger like God, not your

 

local neighborhood baby [02:10:14] trigger like please. I did not want to finish my food because I was full, you know, not one of those things like, I want to yell at my parents if I could like I was full. I didn't want to eat. And now you know what you've trained me to in this way, where now when I have a plate in front of me, I notice and I'm like, I'm getting phone. I'm still like, I have to finish this and I have to like respectively. Stop my like, you're full. You can put this away like you can like. And it's like, no, like, you have to finish it. Like, This is what? Don't even talk to me about, like childhood obesity. Fitness Americans are fat. Like until you talk to me about the fact that you made them sit there and finish their food because that's not healthy. There's a difference between like the kid

 

local neighborhood baby [02:10:54] that like is, is such a picky

 

local neighborhood baby [02:10:56] eater and like, refuses to eat that you have to make sure they're getting their daily nutrients

 

local neighborhood baby [02:11:01] to you.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:11:02] Like basically force feeding a kid

 

local neighborhood baby [02:11:04] like that is a lot

 

local neighborhood baby [02:11:05] of parents do that, and it's not right. And you guys have no sense of portion control, so don't even come at me with that.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:11:11] Like, I have

 

local neighborhood baby [02:11:13] no sense of portion control.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:11:14] Like, How are you going to give your kid the

 

local neighborhood baby [02:11:16] same size plate that

 

local neighborhood baby [02:11:17] you have? Like, we do not have

 

local neighborhood baby [02:11:18] the same stomach. Like, it doesn't make sense.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:11:21] It doesn't make

 

local neighborhood baby [02:11:21] sense, OK? And it creates a lot of eating disorders, a lot of negative relationships with food. And it's not right. It is not right. I used to, like you said, like I would say that out loud before I finish my food. The only thing I looked forward to that I got at the end was just because I wasn't able to get juiced until I was done with my food. Right when I was living alone for the first time, like I was purchasing, just like nobody's business.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:11:48] So I was like, just just just juice. And like, you know, that's can't wait. So I think that to me, it's like, you know what is happening?

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:11:57] You got to have all the juice you wanted because

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:11:59] you can say no,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:12:00] but like, seriously, like, you look, you can't be having that much juice, OK,

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:12:04] like you overdid it a little bit. I was like,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:12:06] I went to Sam's Club, Costco. Like getting boxes and boxes of Capri Sun. And I was like, This is my moment. And it's just not right. Like, I was gorging on juice and I took me a while

 

local neighborhood baby [02:12:17] to just be like, girl, like,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:12:18] OK, you can have juice anytime.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:12:20] OK, yeah, I'll give you to me why you don't need to do this,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:12:24] but that's what happens to people like you. Always people always wonder. That's part of it. That's what happens to people. They're like,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:12:30] they are

 

local neighborhood baby [02:12:31] having to make up for this lost time are like feeling like you were so long. Yeah, and then they binge and they like overdo it, and then they have to make up for that too, right?

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:12:41] It is bad right now.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:12:43] If you're listening and your kids are eating dinner, let them get up.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:12:48] Don't force them.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:12:49] Don't force them. Let them get up from the table right now because it's not right what you guys do. It's like they don't have to finish all of the food.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:12:56] OK? Cheese. You know, I'm telling

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:13:04] you, bro. Literally everything connects back to your childhood, like literally every day.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:13:09] It does even your eating habits. It does like what you feel good about eating and what you feel bad about eating at your childhood to like.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:13:16] What the hell, you know?

 

local neighborhood baby [02:13:17] I feel good for eating this and bad for eating that. Not based on how healthy it is or how fattening it is. It's really just based on like the food groups that my parents were like, This is great and this is not like, What the hell? I choose my food, dammit. And you know what? Like, that's another part, too. Like, you guys don't even involve your kids in in anything having to do with the preparation of the food or where it comes, right?

 

local neighborhood baby [02:13:42] You know, you have

 

local neighborhood baby [02:13:43] grown people here not aware where their meat meat comes from, for example, and then they're just like, Oh my God, I should have been vegan my whole life.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:13:52] Like, Right?

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:13:54] My God. Yeah. Oh, try that out.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:13:58] How was it? Was this super hard? I feel like veganism for sure, is super hard.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:14:03] I definitely I've always had periods of my life where I would have a vegan diet, and I've honestly just accepted the fact that, like, I don't think I could ever fully stick to it just because of, like my parents cooking and also just cultural like things that are attached to me and stuff. So I don't think I could ever really stick to it. But I would ideally want to have like a plant based diet just because like you feel lighter and you feel like a lot better. Like, honestly,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:14:27] for me, my take is that the aspect of meat consumption that I don't get behind, that I fully agree with anybody who goes vegan or is vegetarian for like

 

local neighborhood baby [02:14:38] humanitarian

 

local neighborhood baby [02:14:39] purposes. Is that like, yeah, factory farming and like the mistreatment of animals and like pumping them full of chemicals and everything that they do awful in that industry is totally awful. My contribution is meatless Mondays. You know, I'm with you guys all day on Monday, OK,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:14:57] all day

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:14:59] you're doing your part, OK?

 

local neighborhood baby [02:15:00] And I feel like it's no honestly like if everybody and this is my message. You all like if everybody. Does a day a week, you know, whether it be a Monday or whatever, but like a day a week where you consciously don't consume any meat? What that will do if everybody across the world was doing it was lower the demand for meat and thus like they wouldn't feel the need to meet that demand with things like factory farming, pumping animals full of chemicals. All this because, you know, everybody's got their cash. And like, if everybody's consuming such a huge amount of meat faster than the meat can be produced naturally, then that's why they're doing all this stuff. You know, all these modifications and everything.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:15:38] Capitalism just lower our consumption and we couldn't do it.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:15:42] If we, you know, people really cared like, then that would offset the balance. But other than that, like, yeah, it's not for me personally,

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:15:50] my personal personally,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:15:52] personally, it's not for me, but I commend those out there who that's your dietary preference like, right?

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:15:57] Like an aberration towards them, for sure.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:16:00] Yeah, it's kind of weird admiration in a sense of like, I don't know, I just feel like the meals look so static like, especially when I go on like Pinterest, it's like buildable. Like, I'm like, Oh my god.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:16:11] So.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:16:12] And you do really feel good, like you feel good when, like you like, do eat plant based and like just eating fresh, like unprocessed foods like your body will definitely thank you. Like 100 percent.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:16:23] Oh yeah, I mean, right now, I feel like my body was like rage against me. Reason why I feel like it's like you're used to the chemicals now for real.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:16:31] Oh yeah, no, that's true. That's true, though that's true.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:16:33] It is because I don't like a cleanse and I did like what I did was very simple. I did smoothies, green smoothies. So I had like all this like good, delicious greens with like bananas and fruits and things like that were in it. So green smoothies for lunch, breakfast and dinner are super fulfilling. And then in between,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:16:51] I would have like fruits

 

local neighborhood baby [02:16:53] and vegetables and like maybe lean meats every now and again. So like a boiled egg, you know, whatever. And that's what I was doing and I was exposed to for 14 days and I was really into it and everything was fine. And then all of a sudden, like, I just felt like I was dying, like I had like this whole, like, I felt like I was having a heart attack. I just was like, Damn. No, seriously. Like, it was bad. I was like, I was like, Oh my God, like, am I dying? Like, what is going on in my leg? Something like, it's not celery can't be sorry. Like what is going on? And so I ended up in the emergency room. And no, seriously. And like the first

 

local neighborhood baby [02:17:26] thing they asked

 

local neighborhood baby [02:17:28] me, literally first thing was like after, you know, like they did like the testicles are like, you know, they'd do an EKG. All this stuff to figure out like, this is a heart attack. It's not right. And then they're like, Have you recently changed your diet? And I was like. So it's very turned off by that question because I was like, What does this have to do with this right?

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:17:44] I mean, good.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:17:45] Yeah. But then I did. I was like, Yeah, I recently have like and I told him, like, you know what I was doing? And they're like, Yeah, that happens a lot. That happens sometimes like, you know, you change your diet. And if it is like a drastic change, like sometimes this happens and I'm like, This is wrong. Like, this is not right. Like, I feel like I want my money back. Like, you guys kept saying all this stuff about like health, food and whatever. And it's like, No good, and I'm in the emergency room right now. I am not OK with this like it was. So and there were because it was crazy to me because there were so like it was like the first thing they immediately said, like they were like, Did you change your diet?

 

local neighborhood baby [02:18:21] Mm-Hmm. And it's like they were.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:18:24] So they were fully aware, like, this happens a lot, and I'm like, There's something wrong with what we're eating. If this is like such a common thing that happens to people like, that's crazy. Like, it's like all your body went into shock, like in a sense, like it goes into shock because you change your diet. I'm like, Yeah, but I mean, like, I'm eating good. Like you said, I'm eating good like and I'm like, Yeah, but like, your body does go into shock mode sometimes like it happens to a lot of people. And this is just like, you know what happens? But all I would say, the woman who is, you know, talking to me, she's like, all I would say is just like, go home, relax and drink some water and things like that. And then like, Yeah, you can continue it, but just kind of slowly introduce things.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:19:01] We get

 

local neighborhood baby [02:19:02] into it. Yeah.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:19:03] And I'm like, What the fuck is like? Was I an alcoholic? And then suddenly stopped like,

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:19:08] right, right?

 

local neighborhood baby [02:19:10] I wasn't eating crazy before. And it's like, what? You know what I mean? Like, it's just like, so weird.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:19:15] It's like my body just

 

local neighborhood baby [02:19:16] rebelled against me. Like, Bitch, give me sugar. Like, because we're

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:19:20] addicted like our bodies. I think so, too. I think we got to a lot of the chemicals and a lot of the process in the food that we eat. Mm-Hmm.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:19:29] And the foods like these people are drugging us so we aren't a simulation is the

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:19:34] that's the end of the story. Pretty much that's

 

local neighborhood baby [02:19:35] the end of the story. Like we are in a simulation like you're being drugged right now by the food you're eating, any of you guys eating fast food while listen to this, I have news for you. We're not even real.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:19:47] No, I'm literally like, This is real at the end of the day, but it is at the same time.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:19:54] Oh yeah, love yourself enough to detox from these chemical filled foods. And if you do it, I'm proud of you. It's not an easy thing to do. There are no. Ocean relationship that people have with food. Yes, we understand that the better.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:20:09] Like people don't get that.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:20:12] Even you gym like rats over there and like, you know, you health nuts like the thing is, it's like, that's always something that also fascinated me too, because I was

 

local neighborhood baby [02:20:20] like, You guys also

 

local neighborhood baby [02:20:22] have an unhealthy relationship with food. I'm sorry to say it like you do because you're thinking about it.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:20:26] I'm like,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:20:28] How is your whole Instagram about what you eat today? Like, I don't get it and you're so obsessed like that is also an unhealthy to me. It's unhealthy. I don't know how healthy. Yeah, how healthy you are physically. It's an unhealthy relationship. Because mentally, yeah, mentally. Because like what you do, like going to the gym and keeping up with your shape and like eating your foods like good, healthy foods and stuff

 

local neighborhood baby [02:20:51] like that, that should just

 

local neighborhood baby [02:20:52] be part of your daily routine, like brushing your teeth. Nobody's on Instagram. Like like I brush my teeth brushing

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:20:58] my teeth, right?

 

local neighborhood baby [02:21:01] You know, like, you want somebody to tell you you did a good job, you are obsessed with it. Like, there's also something unhealthy about that relationship. Just wanted to say that

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:21:10] you do bring up a good point because I feel like a lot of people don't talk about that.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:21:13] Yeah, yeah. So you you found that out there. You're not so great.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:21:17] I'm just kidding.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:21:20] A great color. And it's much better than everybody

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:21:24] gets to seek help. Oh, right, right.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:21:31] I had so much fun here with you, and this has been such a great conversation. I really. I learned a lot about self-love. I hope that everybody listening learns about self-love.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:21:41] And again, I encourage

 

local neighborhood baby [02:21:43] you to go check out Mandy's YouTube channel or check talks everything that she does because you can feel it through the screen. She exudes such a sense of self-confidence, self-love and encouragement without even saying anything about it. It's just like something that you feel, and I love it.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:22:01] Thank you.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:22:02] Yeah, everyone checks you out, and please tell everybody all the places where they can find you, where they can find trinkets, how they can get it

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:22:11] all that I got you. So for my website is WW dot trinkets. That fun

 

local neighborhood baby [02:22:18] t r

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:22:19] i and K I cheesy dot. If you earn,

 

local neighborhood baby [02:22:23] don't worry, it's in

 

local neighborhood baby [02:22:24] the show notes guys.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:22:27] And then on my Instagram for my trinkets account, it's literally trinkets that fun for my main account. It's Mandy

 

local neighborhood baby [02:22:34] Atsuko. You say you're going to put it in the thing.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:22:37] Yes, I'm going to put all your length.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:22:41] And then my Twitter is the same as ZUPCO. My YouTube, as many as you go, my Tik Tok as many years ago. And then I do have an old friends link if y'all want

 

local neighborhood baby [02:22:51] to check that out, but

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:22:53] check her out, check it out.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:22:57] You can buy my OnlyFans link

 

local neighborhood baby [02:22:58] on my Twitter.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:22:58] But other than that, that is where you can find me.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:23:02] Yes. Awesome. Again, thank you so much for being on. It was such a pleasure to have you on. I'm so honored and I wish you all the best. You are a fabulous person. Keep loving yourself. And hopefully we will too. Thank you so much, Mandy.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:23:17] Thank you so much. I hope literally everything in the same to you.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:23:21] Oh, thank you.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:23:23] It's been so fun. Honestly, I love this.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:23:26] You are. Welcome back any time.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:23:28] OK. And then whatever, because I also have a podcast. I'll definitely have you on.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:23:32] Oh, absolutely. The minute that launches, I will be out there. I will be on there. Don't forget us when you're famous, but I can't wait to tune into the Mandy Atsuko show because I'm sure it's going to be the best.

 

local neighborhood baby [02:23:48] The best.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:23:49] Thank you so, so much.

 

Mandy Retsuko [02:23:51] Thank you for bye bye. I.