Food Addiction and Recovery Strategies

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Hello, and welcome to the Call Her Cat podcast, the show dedicated to honest

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conversations about addiction, recovery, and finding the strength to break the cycle.

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I'm your host, Cat York, and this is where we get real about the messy,

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complex, and often unspoken truth of what it means to heal.

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If you are working to redefine your story, searching for connection,

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or simply need to know that you are not alone, you've come to the right place.

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My mission is to hold space for the raw, honest, and direct stories of people

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who have walked this path.

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We dive into the personal battles and the profound lessons learned along the way.

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As Helen Keller once said, keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see

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the shadow. It's what the sunflowers do.

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In every episode, we seek out the sunshine and the darkness.

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Sabrina Militello, our guest for today, is a transformational life and performance coach,

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speaker, and expert in helping high-performing women break free from the overthinking,

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perfectionism, and self-doubt so they can rise into the life and leadership they were made for.

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With over a decade of experience in 1,900 plus hours of one-to-one coaching,

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Sabrina has worked internationally with women at every stage of success.

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From entrepreneurs in the fitness and wellness space to executives in the sea

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suit, helping them move beyond mental blocks and into bold breakthrough results.

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Graduating with honors from the University of Surrey, England,

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and formally trained through the Jay Shetty Certification School,

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her work blends psychology-backed tools with her lived experience of overcoming

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self-doubt, losing over 100 pounds,

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recovering from an eating disorder and food addiction.

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Rebuilding her marriage, and building multiple successful businesses.

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Her coaching is not theory. It's transformation, tested and lived.

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And that messy journey formed the mission she lives by today.

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Sabrina believes that your success is inevitable if you don't quit.

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And just a quick note before we get started, the Call Her Cat podcast is for

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informational and entertainment purposes only.

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The content and discussions are not a substitute for professional medical advice,

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diagnosis, treatment, or therapy.

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Please always consult with a qualified health professional with any questions

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about your individual health or mental health condition.

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If you or someone you know is in crisis, please seek immediate professional help.

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So with that being said, I would like to welcome Sabrina.

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Hi, Kat. So good to be here with you.

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So did I miss anything? Is there anything you'd like to add? know

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what an introduction it makes

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me sound way more put together but

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I feel like I am most of the time so that's great what does it feel I'm always

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curious what does it feel like when you hear you know like your accomplishments

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your man it's it's wild I think especially from somebody who still considers

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herself as being deep in the work of my healing process and and you know,

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transcending all that BS that I've, I've had to walk through and experience in my life.

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It's kind of, it's a moment where you get to be like, yeah, I did that.

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And that, that feels so good. And it's one of the things that I think us women,

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especially women, but I'm sure

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some men go through it too, where we don't celebrate ourselves enough.

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And that can be something that perpetuates some

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of the negative and destructive cycles that we're

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in because we're not giving ourselves the opportunity to

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be like you're doing good you know you've you've

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dealt with this and you've overcome this and you've achieved that

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and all of the things because we're in the mess you

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know a lot of the time and this still feels like

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there's so much further to go and we can get kind of stuck in that myopic view

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and not give ourselves the opportunity to look how far we've come and that that

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can be so healing in and of itself so thank you I appreciate it you're welcome you're welcome.

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And I mean just from reading your biography I know you talked a little before I mean I.

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Recovering from an eating disorder of food addiction that's

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heavy that's hard yeah it's hard it's hard

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it's something that because you need like you said it you need you need food

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to to survive right we it's not like drugs or alcohol where you can have complete

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abstinence and that's the the fix quote-unquote for a lot of people with food

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it's something that you can't necessarily get away from and,

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and the amount of arguments I've had with people that adamant that you can't be addicted to food.

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And it's, it's, it's wild when people try and tell you about your life experience, right?

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They try and say, you know, yeah, you, you tell me about me.

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How about we go down that route?

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But I do, I, I think it's something that is not talked about enough.

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It's something that, you know people who struggle

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with food addictions don't get to discuss or

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unpack because it is poo-pooed and kind of waved and dismissed so often but

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I know through my own experience and I work with a lot of women I have a community

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of women that I work with on their health journey specifically and the vast

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majority of them probably because I attract you attract who you are, right?

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So they've come to me because they struggle with, if not food addictions.

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Then at least destructive patterns

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of behavior around food, which is problematic in its own way, right?

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So it is heavy and it is hard.

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I think it's honestly breaking those cycles has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.

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And I've been through hard things, but that is just, Yeah, there's a lot Do

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you think when it comes to food Because I don't know anything about food addiction,

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Do you think that there's.

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Like ingredients in our food that fuel that addiction?

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Well, Kat, I don't think we're ready for a political conversation,

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but the resounding answer to that is hell yes.

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I mean, if you think about just the extent of, you know, technological advancements

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that we've had and manufacturing advancements that we've had,

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the things that we label food really aren't food. You know, if you think about it,

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you've got health foods aisle in the grocery store.

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The entire grocery store should be a health food store, right?

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You've got an aisle specifically for health foods. That should tell you everything that you need to know.

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Like our foods, they're manufactured in a lab, not grown.

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A lot of the things that people do fall prey to and become addicted to is the combination of salt,

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fat, and sugar that combination is

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is like a bomb for your hormones and

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your you know some of the wiring in your brain big

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dopamine hits big cortisol kind of spikes

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and those do keep you addicted you

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know if you if you eat something and it makes you feel good once that comes

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out of your system you want more of that feel good feeling right and and so

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you continue going like one of the you know most famous chip commercials once

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you pop you just can't stop right right.

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There's a reason that that it's it's

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real so i think it is very it's something

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that people don't think about necessarily when

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it comes to what they're choosing to consume and

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how what they choose to consume actually has power and control over them as

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opposed to you know their own discernment or their own desire for health and

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vibrancy and energy should be something that prompts your decision making when it comes to food.

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But we're kind of being robbed of that ability to do that.

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I like how you brought up there's an aisle, you know, in the store and not like,

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you would think that the whole grocery store and you'd have like one junk food aisle.

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Yeah, exactly. And then it should be like healthy options, you know, nourishing options.

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And it's very interesting because somebody going to grocery store it's like

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oh there's all those other weirdos go it's like over there right and that's

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what it's kind of felt like like you're ostracized because you go over to at

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least over here like you know.

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How what was was there a turning point for you where

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you're like was there like a breaking point or

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a part where you're just like this is I gotta do

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something yeah that was a that was a big pivotal moment I

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had and it was I was going through a personal well

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professional and personal kind of I hit like

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a big kind of come to

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Jesus moment in my personal and professional life where

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things kind of hit hit head I a

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business partnership that I had fell apart I was kind of pushed out

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of a business that I co-owned with a business

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partner and at the same time my husband we've been together 17

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years at the time he turned around to me one day just out of the blue for

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me and said I'm not in love with you anymore and that

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kind of it sent me into a little

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bit of a tailspin in terms of

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the eating disorder that I thought I had kicked it

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came rearing back because it had always been the thing that I did as a way to

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like numb from the heart of the world you know and so that came rearing back

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and I remember there was this one specific day and I had bulimia so So I'd had like a binge session.

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And I was finished purging and I was sitting on the bathroom floor and I just

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looked at myself in the mirror and I was like, man, this, like you're,

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how old was I at that point?

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32, 33.

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And you're still doing the same shit you were doing when you were 17.

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Like when is enough going to be enough? When is this going to stop?

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And I had that real moment turning point

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with myself where I just looked at myself literally and

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figuratively and I didn't like what I was seeing

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and I it was very clear to me that if I didn't start

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making some different choices about how I felt

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about myself specifically that things

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were were not gonna you know I was heading for for

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a really dark terrible place and you

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know that that process of walking through

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that and then everything that I had to walk through and

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I you know reference it a lot when I

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talk about it as walking through fire because that's what

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it felt like it was a solid I know

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three four years of my life where it felt

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like I was walking through fire every day trying to not succumb

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to my basis instincts not give in to to the desire to fall back on on those

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kinds of behaviors when things were hard when confronting myself was really

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difficult when I went through a tough time and I didn't have that coping mechanism

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anymore because I decided that that was no longer available to me.

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And it really became a decision. Like I had to make a decision.

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And then for me, that meant abstinence. Like how alcoholics or drug addicts

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or sex addicts or whoever else is dealing with an addictive pattern.

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Abstinence is often the thing that they have to turn to in order to break the cycle.

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For me, that meant the foods that I would binge on, which weren't,

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I wasn't going ham on a plate of chicken and grilled vegetables, you know?

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So for me, it was, I had to, it was complete abstinence from junk food,

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complete abstinence from, you know,

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chips and popcorn and chocolate and all the things that I would turn to,

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to give me comfort and numb from all the hard things.

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That meant that I wasn't allowing myself to eat any of those things anymore.

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And it was a decision that I had to make that was really, really difficult because

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when those patterns require breaking,

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it takes a lot of discipline and courage, I think, to be able to do what is

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necessary to break the pattern.

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And so that's how I kind of walked through that season of my life was abstinence.

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And doing that showed me a lot about the woman that I am.

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I never gave myself credit for the strength that

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I had and certain things that

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I went through in my childhood had and I'd survived those

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things showed me that I had a lot of strength but I never gave myself

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credit for that but walking through that season I came out the other side and

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I was like wow I can do some really hard stuff you know and I think coming out

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of that and knowing that I was capable of coming out of that it's fueled the

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work that I do in giving women a helping hand through that process,

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knowing that they're not alone.

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They're not crazy because they struggle with this thing and it is possible for

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them to break that cycle too.

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That's heavy because you know like

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you said it's it's hard you can't fully abstain from food

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and everywhere you go that junk food is

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all around you you know it doesn't matter every every corner every grocery store

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every gas station every you know every holiday or whatever it's always it's

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always there and like when a woman comes to you you know is there like um,

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How do you gauge what she needs, where to start? Is it individual?

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Is it like a template that you use?

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I definitely take each individual on their own merit.

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I take it on a very case-by-case basis because it doesn't present in exactly

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the same way for everybody.

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But I do a lot of identity work in general.

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That's like the basis of my method is a lot of identity

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kind of discovery and and reshaping and

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so I think we we initially

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get down to a lot of self-discovery stuff why

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does this pattern exist for you what is it that you're running from what are

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you running away from when you engage in these kinds of behaviors and you know

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most of the women that come to me they know they have a problem right they know

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it's it's an issue for them either because they have weight loss goals.

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That's a lot of the women that I work with. They have weight loss or health

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specific goals and those patterns and destructive, you know,

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behaviors around food are blocking their ability to reach their goals.

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So they know that there's an issue, but they kind of, I don't think most of

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the women, in fact, it's not that I don't think, I know that most of them don't

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understand what's really going on.

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They think they have willpower issues. They

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think that if they just had more discipline if

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they were just more if they wanted it enough

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then they would be able to do it and when

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we dive into it they actually realize that these behaviors are masking something

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for them they're a coping mechanism in in some way and trying to figure out

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what what that is where that started and why and then unpacking what that means

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and then starting to create better habits,

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healthier habits, healthier ways of coping, healthier ways of,

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you know, dealing with the hard of life because life is freaking hard. Like it's hard.

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And I think, you know, one of the things that.

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Gets us in trouble as human beings is because we think we're not supposed to have problems.

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I think that's one of the biggest problems we have as humans is that we think

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we're not supposed to have problems.

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And so when a problem rears its head, it's like, we make it mean something about ourselves.

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We make it, you know, pervasive. We make it just this huge thing that says like, I'm not capable.

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I can't do it. There's something wrong with me.

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Whereas it's like, no, if you're a human being

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living on planet earth with other human beings you're going to have problems you're

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you're going to have problems there's going to be obstacles there's going to be setbacks

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there's going to be conflicts there's going to be confrontation and

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we just have to recognize that understand that

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that's part of our living experience and

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they cannot those things cannot be the the

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stopping point for your ability to

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treat yourself well because that's what it comes down to

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when it comes to addictive behaviors you're self-abusing in

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order to to get through something challenging or

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something that feels impossible you turn that like frustration or defeat that

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is outward facing you turn it in towards yourself and you abuse yourself as

00:17:57.790 --> 00:18:03.670
a way to cope or get through and so just even that understanding is something

00:18:03.670 --> 00:18:06.990
that people or it takes time for people to grapple with.

00:18:07.310 --> 00:18:12.590
It's like, so I'm supposed to have setbacks and obstacles and things?

00:18:13.010 --> 00:18:18.650
Yes. If you're living and breathing, absolutely. So how about we come to terms

00:18:18.650 --> 00:18:22.810
with that, and now that we know that life is hard, we can't pretend we don't know,

00:18:23.130 --> 00:18:33.570
and so let's figure out a different, more positive, self-revering way to deal with this stuff. Yeah.

00:18:34.290 --> 00:18:37.670
And I do think some of it is to the.

00:18:38.570 --> 00:18:45.810
We've kind of we don't connect as much as we do like as human beings like it's all a lot of it is,

00:18:46.510 --> 00:18:49.210
screen to screen or we feel like we have to do

00:18:49.210 --> 00:18:52.130
things alone like like there's shame

00:18:52.130 --> 00:18:55.430
around saying like like a woman reaching out to you like sabrina

00:18:55.430 --> 00:18:58.450
i need help you know i don't think like i need

00:18:58.450 --> 00:19:02.430
some i need support i don't know what to do yeah a

00:19:02.430 --> 00:19:05.450
thousand percent you hit the nail on the head one of the things that I do a lot with

00:19:05.450 --> 00:19:08.710
new clients because oftentimes I I've

00:19:08.710 --> 00:19:11.510
known somebody for a while whether it's through my social media

00:19:11.510 --> 00:19:14.690
platforms I'm very like active and personal with my

00:19:14.690 --> 00:19:18.270
social media followers because we talk about such deep things and they come

00:19:18.270 --> 00:19:23.950
come to my platforms for guidance or help or education or whatever about hard

00:19:23.950 --> 00:19:28.790
stuff so we get we really connect I'm in my dms a lot talking to individuals

00:19:28.790 --> 00:19:32.430
and so the women that I end up working with we they're not strangers.

00:19:32.650 --> 00:19:35.930
It's not somebody that's just popped up and said, Hey, I want to hire you.

00:19:36.050 --> 00:19:39.550
It's usually somebody that I've been in conversation and got familiar with for a while.

00:19:39.990 --> 00:19:43.810
And so I often ask them like, why now?

00:19:44.430 --> 00:19:49.630
Like what, what is it that has made this timing, this time, the right time for

00:19:49.630 --> 00:19:52.670
you to, for us to enter into this, into this relationship.

00:19:53.250 --> 00:19:58.050
And every single time I'm trying to think back to a conversation I've had that

00:19:58.050 --> 00:19:59.510
didn't have this answer.

00:19:59.610 --> 00:20:02.690
And I can't think, think of one And every single time it's like,

00:20:02.770 --> 00:20:05.250
I've been struggling for so long, enough is enough.

00:20:06.590 --> 00:20:09.810
So we do, we think that we should be able to figure it out.

00:20:10.655 --> 00:20:13.675
We should be able to figure it out alone. There's something wrong with me.

00:20:13.775 --> 00:20:17.275
If I can't figure it out alone, there's a lot of shame, like you said,

00:20:17.395 --> 00:20:23.955
Kat, around seeking and getting help with these kinds of things beyond like therapeutic help.

00:20:24.095 --> 00:20:29.875
I think there's so much as advanced in our acceptance of people having therapy

00:20:29.875 --> 00:20:34.595
and people not being judged for seeking medical assistance in that way,

00:20:34.795 --> 00:20:35.855
which I think is fantastic.

00:20:35.855 --> 00:20:38.975
But when it comes to like having a coach and

00:20:38.975 --> 00:20:42.175
having like a some like a mentor or

00:20:42.175 --> 00:20:45.175
an advocate for you in specific areas of your life that's still

00:20:45.175 --> 00:20:48.095
something that is a little bit like well I should

00:20:48.095 --> 00:20:51.655
be able to figure it out and it's like well why why do you think you should

00:20:51.655 --> 00:20:57.075
be able to figure it out you know if you're a new mom a new father you've never

00:20:57.075 --> 00:21:02.655
done that before like why do you think it's it's shameful for you to seek help

00:21:02.655 --> 00:21:05.995
for that if you're someone who's dealing with an addiction,

00:21:06.015 --> 00:21:08.955
you've never been on the side of it where you're like,

00:21:09.055 --> 00:21:14.595
okay, I'm serious about figuring this out and getting past this and overcoming this.

00:21:14.775 --> 00:21:18.715
You've never been in that place before. Like when you come to that final,

00:21:18.955 --> 00:21:24.895
this is it moment, you've never been there before. So why should you think that

00:21:24.895 --> 00:21:27.495
you wouldn't need help and guidance and assistance around that?

00:21:27.595 --> 00:21:31.495
There's no shame. And I think that there is, that's the thing that blocks a

00:21:31.495 --> 00:21:36.535
lot of people is, is because there's so much connectivity in our world now.

00:21:37.418 --> 00:21:42.218
And yet so much distance and so much isolation in our world.

00:21:42.578 --> 00:21:46.718
And social media has a part of playing that for sure. I think the proliferation

00:21:46.718 --> 00:21:53.958
of news and just how in our face, everything that is happening at every given moment is.

00:21:54.218 --> 00:21:58.618
I was reading an article and they were talking about, they polled different

00:21:58.618 --> 00:22:00.478
parts of the population.

00:22:00.478 --> 00:22:03.998
And the resounding answer

00:22:03.998 --> 00:22:07.498
to this particular poll was that there's more happening

00:22:07.498 --> 00:22:10.338
in the world like there's more that's going

00:22:10.338 --> 00:22:13.078
on in the world in general and it's just a lot

00:22:13.078 --> 00:22:16.278
right yeah and what these researchers said

00:22:16.278 --> 00:22:19.358
because they took like a cross-section of reported things that

00:22:19.358 --> 00:22:22.058
happened pre-social media and and things that

00:22:22.058 --> 00:22:24.958
happened post-social media and they said there's not

00:22:24.958 --> 00:22:28.438
actually more stuff that's happening in the world there's

00:22:28.438 --> 00:22:32.878
not more war that in fact there's less conflict than there ever has been before

00:22:32.878 --> 00:22:37.278
even though everything that we see is like it's all over the place right there's

00:22:37.278 --> 00:22:41.918
less conflict on a global level than there ever has been before there's less

00:22:41.918 --> 00:22:47.858
like in general there's less happening out there than there has been in previous.

00:22:48.698 --> 00:22:51.158
Lifetimes but we just see it all now,

00:22:51.885 --> 00:22:57.145
right? We didn't see it all before. There wasn't constant daily by-the-minute

00:22:57.145 --> 00:22:59.425
coverage of the Vietnam War, right?

00:22:59.625 --> 00:23:04.565
Whereas now, every moment in Ukraine, every moment in Iran, every moment in

00:23:04.565 --> 00:23:11.165
Gaza, wherever, there's minute-by-minute coverage if you're wanting to look at that.

00:23:11.325 --> 00:23:20.105
And so it's not that there's more going on, it's because it's just so readily available to us now.

00:23:20.105 --> 00:23:26.985
And I think that is a problem because it causes us to be overloaded.

00:23:27.065 --> 00:23:28.905
We get overwhelmed and so we separate.

00:23:29.205 --> 00:23:32.665
We distance ourselves. We isolate. We pull back.

00:23:32.945 --> 00:23:40.485
And that's causing these pockets of where people feel so alone and so separate, so isolated.

00:23:40.485 --> 00:23:44.045
Then it makes whatever hard thing you're going through feel

00:23:44.045 --> 00:23:46.905
worse because you feel as if

00:23:46.905 --> 00:23:50.405
you're the only one and not to diminish anyone's

00:23:50.405 --> 00:23:53.365
experience that you're not the only one like anybody

00:23:53.365 --> 00:23:56.565
everyone anyone who's going through loss

00:23:56.565 --> 00:24:03.425
of a child loss of loved one scary diagnosis an addiction there's millions of

00:24:03.425 --> 00:24:08.325
people that have been through that exact same thing But we isolate ourselves

00:24:08.325 --> 00:24:12.765
in these pockets so we feel as if it's only happening to me,

00:24:12.965 --> 00:24:14.585
the struggle is only mine.

00:24:14.985 --> 00:24:21.285
And that in and of itself makes it difficult to get help that you need to seek

00:24:21.285 --> 00:24:26.025
community and spaces that are supportive so that you don't have to walk through

00:24:26.025 --> 00:24:28.345
these things by yourself. Yeah.

00:24:29.785 --> 00:24:36.945
When it comes to the food addiction, say a woman struggling with food addiction

00:24:36.945 --> 00:24:40.525
sees something like negative pop up on her feed.

00:24:41.345 --> 00:24:46.565
Is it a situation where then she would just reach for something sweet or salty

00:24:46.565 --> 00:24:51.785
or fatty to combat that sadness or that?

00:24:52.365 --> 00:24:57.665
Yeah, I mean, it presents itself, like I said, in different ways for lots of different women.

00:24:58.625 --> 00:25:04.405
Sometimes it's something negative or emotionally triggering will pop up on their

00:25:04.405 --> 00:25:07.785
feed or they'll have a conversation with somebody or something will happen at

00:25:07.785 --> 00:25:10.805
work with their boss or they'll have a fight with their spouse like it doesn't

00:25:10.805 --> 00:25:14.305
necessarily have to be on on social media it can be anywhere in your life.

00:25:15.282 --> 00:25:18.962
Excuse me. And they all, it triggers this.

00:25:19.162 --> 00:25:23.282
So there's always a feedback loop in any behavior that we engage in there.

00:25:23.342 --> 00:25:24.482
There's a feedback loop, right?

00:25:24.682 --> 00:25:28.362
You have a trigger that engages a particular emotional feeling,

00:25:28.362 --> 00:25:33.402
and then how we feel dictates the response, right?

00:25:33.722 --> 00:25:36.562
And, and it just continues and perpetuates like that.

00:25:36.682 --> 00:25:41.102
So if you have something come into your, onto your feed or into your life that

00:25:41.102 --> 00:25:47.562
triggers something in you and your response to that trigger or your emotion

00:25:47.562 --> 00:25:49.482
to that trigger is something negative.

00:25:50.062 --> 00:25:58.202
And your response to that negative emotion is to hide or numb or pull away or

00:25:58.202 --> 00:26:02.562
disengage or whatever, then that's the behavior that will perpetuate.

00:26:02.762 --> 00:26:06.082
So if you recognize that whenever,

00:26:06.562 --> 00:26:09.802
gosh, I don't know, whenever you see something say you

00:26:09.802 --> 00:26:12.982
post something on social media and you get a negative comment

00:26:12.982 --> 00:26:15.882
somebody says something negative and hateful or you

00:26:15.882 --> 00:26:19.222
get zero comments right that will

00:26:19.222 --> 00:26:22.762
trigger in you i'm not good enough i'm not

00:26:22.762 --> 00:26:25.702
worthy of anything like people don't care about me

00:26:25.702 --> 00:26:28.582
i'm a bad person whatever that thing is and then

00:26:28.582 --> 00:26:31.462
your response to that emotion of i'm not good enough

00:26:31.462 --> 00:26:34.582
however however that emotion

00:26:34.582 --> 00:26:37.602
has showed up anywhere else in your life and your

00:26:37.602 --> 00:26:44.962
response has been to binge eat drink alcohol go and numb by being in bed for

00:26:44.962 --> 00:26:51.882
five days however that has manifested that's what you will do because it's not

00:26:51.882 --> 00:26:56.182
necessarily just the trigger it's that the response is attached to the emotions.

00:26:57.179 --> 00:27:03.359
So however you choose to cope with that emotion, that's the loop that continues.

00:27:03.679 --> 00:27:09.179
And so it's recognizing that the trigger can still be entering your life,

00:27:09.219 --> 00:27:14.999
but if you deal with that emotion in a different way, then you break the loop.

00:27:15.723 --> 00:27:20.743
Or you create a new feedback loop that perpetuates positive behaviors.

00:27:21.323 --> 00:27:27.203
So it's important to kind of figure that first bridge out. Like when I'm triggered,

00:27:27.223 --> 00:27:29.263
what emotion does it elicit?

00:27:29.663 --> 00:27:34.283
And get to understand that, first of all. And then we go to,

00:27:34.423 --> 00:27:36.823
when I feel this way, what do I tend to do?

00:27:37.223 --> 00:27:41.543
Figure that out. And then we can start reworking that wiring.

00:27:42.143 --> 00:27:44.823
Is there is there a time frame that it

00:27:44.823 --> 00:27:47.923
takes to like rewire or is it just a constant

00:27:47.923 --> 00:27:50.823
process of trying to figure of trying to

00:27:50.823 --> 00:27:54.343
recognize and remedy i mean

00:27:54.343 --> 00:27:58.283
i feel like i'm going to break everyone's heart and tell you that's okay want

00:27:58.283 --> 00:28:04.923
to hear but from my experience personally from my professional experience it's

00:28:04.923 --> 00:28:10.083
it's it's a it's a constant kind of work in progress depending on how deeply

00:28:10.083 --> 00:28:12.143
ingrained that wiring is.

00:28:12.623 --> 00:28:17.663
For me, I had stories from when I was a child, when I was like six,

00:28:17.763 --> 00:28:23.543
seven years old that had ingrained the belief that I'm not worthy,

00:28:23.543 --> 00:28:27.383
I'm not good enough, I don't get chosen, and I don't matter.

00:28:27.783 --> 00:28:33.263
Those are my four foundational stories. And they were kind of ingrained at various points in my life,

00:28:33.343 --> 00:28:36.723
but it started from about seven eight years old and so

00:28:36.723 --> 00:28:39.863
rewiring that or looking for

00:28:39.863 --> 00:28:42.763
not no longer looking for proof of that I mean

00:28:42.763 --> 00:28:48.423
put it that way it's it takes time and it takes repetition which takes time

00:28:48.423 --> 00:28:54.963
right and and so it's it's recognizing that when whenever you see that you have

00:28:54.963 --> 00:28:59.363
some kind of foundational story I think we all have them things happen in our

00:28:59.363 --> 00:29:02.483
lives at like three major junction points in our development.

00:29:02.483 --> 00:29:04.843
It's usually around, you know.

00:29:05.632 --> 00:29:09.872
Young years, seven, eight years old, and then another one in puberty,

00:29:10.172 --> 00:29:15.212
so around 15 or so, and then another one in your early to mid-20s.

00:29:15.492 --> 00:29:19.832
Women specifically, there's this particular junction points of things that happen

00:29:19.832 --> 00:29:24.312
that inform your identity, inform the way that you perceive yourself.

00:29:24.672 --> 00:29:30.872
And so if these junction points create a negative story for you,

00:29:31.352 --> 00:29:34.512
then you reach your mid-twenties and

00:29:34.512 --> 00:29:37.512
you have this idea of what is

00:29:37.512 --> 00:29:40.632
possible for you what kind of person you are what you're capable of

00:29:40.632 --> 00:29:44.872
and if the answer to those questions is negative like i'm not good enough i

00:29:44.872 --> 00:29:50.672
don't matter i don't get chosen anything along those lines then you're looking

00:29:50.672 --> 00:29:57.292
for proof of that all the time right i think it's i think it's brene brown that

00:29:57.292 --> 00:29:59.752
says if you look for proof that.

00:30:00.632 --> 00:30:03.552
You're not good enough or something like that you always find it

00:30:03.552 --> 00:30:06.792
yeah if you're looking for evidence that

00:30:06.792 --> 00:30:09.712
you suck then the world is going to provide you

00:30:09.712 --> 00:30:12.732
evidence that you suck yeah yeah yeah because

00:30:12.732 --> 00:30:16.432
you get what you perceive as a particular activating system in your brain that's

00:30:16.432 --> 00:30:21.952
what it does it's a literal filter for what you're looking for and so understanding

00:30:21.952 --> 00:30:26.172
that how you view the world how you view your place in the world is informed

00:30:26.172 --> 00:30:30.452
by these stories that started when you were like six years old,

00:30:30.952 --> 00:30:35.132
if you're in your 50s and you're still operating off of that book,

00:30:35.916 --> 00:30:40.296
That's an outdated, no longer relevant story for your life.

00:30:40.936 --> 00:30:45.216
But we keep it going because we're literally viewing the world through that

00:30:45.216 --> 00:30:46.516
lens and through that filter.

00:30:46.876 --> 00:30:51.256
And so oftentimes the work that I do with women is identifying those stories

00:30:51.256 --> 00:30:57.136
and then breaking them down and finding how they're no longer valid.

00:30:58.316 --> 00:31:02.136
Rewiring yourself so you're looking for the proof that they're no longer valid.

00:31:02.136 --> 00:31:04.976
And then rewrite like writing yourself a new

00:31:04.976 --> 00:31:07.896
story and hopefully the way that i've explained

00:31:07.896 --> 00:31:10.716
that will say that that's not a thing that you

00:31:10.716 --> 00:31:14.056
can do in a weekend right that's gonna yeah that's gonna

00:31:14.056 --> 00:31:19.756
take some time it's not done on spring break now yeah no absolutely not um and

00:31:19.756 --> 00:31:23.896
and for me like i don't know whether those stories will never exist for me anymore

00:31:23.896 --> 00:31:30.976
but i do know that i can recognize when something happens and it triggers that, see, you don't matter.

00:31:31.456 --> 00:31:34.136
Like the bitch that lives inside my head, that's what she says.

00:31:34.276 --> 00:31:36.056
She'd be like, see, I told you.

00:31:36.616 --> 00:31:41.116
When it triggers that, I, me, because she's not the same as me,

00:31:41.416 --> 00:31:44.436
right? She's evidence of all my past stuff, right?

00:31:44.596 --> 00:31:47.656
The me that exists today, I can say, thanks.

00:31:47.936 --> 00:31:51.736
Thank you for that. But it's no longer relevant. And I get to choose a different

00:31:51.736 --> 00:31:57.096
response and a different pattern of behavior that's not just my past being.

00:31:57.976 --> 00:32:01.176
Relived over and over and over again and that's that's

00:32:01.176 --> 00:32:06.056
the process in a nutshell but yeah it takes time and it's the willingness to

00:32:06.056 --> 00:32:12.436
go through it and and let it take that time let the process change you let the

00:32:12.436 --> 00:32:17.296
process heal you and honestly the thing that i have of because people will often

00:32:17.296 --> 00:32:18.696
say, well, how long is it going to take?

00:32:19.256 --> 00:32:21.916
That's the thing we ask about everything, right? How long is it going to take?

00:32:22.516 --> 00:32:25.796
Well, it's going to take however long it takes, first of all.

00:32:25.976 --> 00:32:27.756
And second of all, what's the alternative?

00:32:29.116 --> 00:32:35.276
Like if you're not winning to give it that time, you're choosing a life that you don't want.

00:32:36.069 --> 00:32:41.469
Right. Right. So there's all of that kind of coming to a head of understanding

00:32:41.469 --> 00:32:43.609
just how much power you have in your life.

00:32:43.709 --> 00:32:47.549
And that's one of the things that I think we let slip through our fingers a

00:32:47.549 --> 00:32:50.509
lot is understanding that we have a lot of power.

00:32:50.689 --> 00:32:53.209
You know, our choices are ours.

00:32:53.269 --> 00:32:57.729
Our decisions are ours. It's not the government. It's not your spouse.

00:32:57.969 --> 00:33:00.729
It's not the kids driving you crazy. It's not the environment.

00:33:01.049 --> 00:33:04.949
No, you're making choices and decisions that are taking your life in a particular direction.

00:33:04.949 --> 00:33:07.869
And once you understand that and take complete ownership

00:33:07.869 --> 00:33:11.309
of that things can change yeah i

00:33:11.309 --> 00:33:14.249
like like the word that you use you know ownership

00:33:14.249 --> 00:33:20.589
because the whole world can be falling apart but you still have control over

00:33:20.589 --> 00:33:25.709
how you act and how you respond to it and like what you said if you're looking

00:33:25.709 --> 00:33:29.149
through it at the same lens that you were looking at it through when you're

00:33:29.149 --> 00:33:34.009
six years old and told that you weren't worthy you weren't loved you know it's not shocking that,

00:33:34.509 --> 00:33:38.789
you're going to go for the things that you went for when you were six years old or 15 years old,

00:33:39.269 --> 00:33:44.709
you know so you're not going to fix it in like a 30-day window you know and

00:33:44.709 --> 00:33:49.449
I and I see sometimes with these it's always upsets me when I say these fitness

00:33:49.449 --> 00:33:51.809
plans there's 10 pounds in 30 days.

00:33:52.429 --> 00:33:55.229
You know I see your eyes like people can't see

00:33:55.229 --> 00:33:57.989
you but like your eyes are like wow yeah like you hate it

00:33:57.989 --> 00:34:00.629
too because it's just it's like you're not

00:34:00.629 --> 00:34:03.649
you're not taking into account so many variables in

00:34:03.649 --> 00:34:07.769
your life were you sick were you on your period did you how was the stress at

00:34:07.769 --> 00:34:11.509
work how was your sleeve how was your hydration you're not taking into account

00:34:11.509 --> 00:34:17.049
so many factors and I really hate those ads that are just like put a blanket

00:34:17.049 --> 00:34:21.689
statement over you can do this if you can't do it then you then you failed.

00:34:23.034 --> 00:34:26.774
You know, and I, and I love the way we were talking yesterday,

00:34:26.774 --> 00:34:27.734
how you approach fitness.

00:34:28.514 --> 00:34:33.874
It's not about like, you have to lift this much or, you know, run this far.

00:34:34.474 --> 00:34:38.334
And can you talk about like how you incorporate fitness, like into your life,

00:34:38.674 --> 00:34:41.034
like in a healthy way? Yeah, for sure.

00:34:41.574 --> 00:34:46.314
Those like speaking on those ads, they make me crazy a little bit because I

00:34:46.314 --> 00:34:49.474
used to like, I came from the era, I'm 43.

00:34:49.614 --> 00:34:52.474
So I was born in 1982. too i was coming

00:34:52.474 --> 00:34:55.874
up in the 90s and early 2000s and so

00:34:55.874 --> 00:34:59.194
that whole era was you know supermodel skinny and

00:34:59.194 --> 00:35:02.154
do anything to be skinny you have to be skinny otherwise you're

00:35:02.154 --> 00:35:05.954
not worthy of anything right and my education

00:35:05.954 --> 00:35:09.354
my fitness education or my health education

00:35:09.354 --> 00:35:12.774
i should say started from cosmopolitan magazine

00:35:12.774 --> 00:35:15.834
like i would say cosmopolitan magazine

00:35:15.834 --> 00:35:18.714
was the health guru in my in my little

00:35:18.714 --> 00:35:21.614
bedroom right so anything cosmo would tell me about how

00:35:21.614 --> 00:35:25.414
to lose weight how to be skinny i was like hail down i'm gonna do that which

00:35:25.414 --> 00:35:30.734
meant i did the cottage cheese diet i hate cottage cheese first of all but 30

00:35:30.734 --> 00:35:35.574
days of cottage cheese the baked potato diet yeah there is such a thing there

00:35:35.574 --> 00:35:41.174
was a big wow yes the cabbage soup diet like we all know all the diets.

00:35:41.874 --> 00:35:47.754
All the fat burning pills all the running all everything that these health,

00:35:48.430 --> 00:35:53.270
health magazines. No, their fashion magazines were telling you about how to be healthy.

00:35:53.450 --> 00:35:59.450
That's where I learned about health until I figured out that it was a scam and

00:35:59.450 --> 00:36:02.350
I had to go and get formally educated to have an opinion.

00:36:02.650 --> 00:36:07.030
But that was one of the things that pulled me into the fitness industry.

00:36:07.190 --> 00:36:12.410
Like when we moved from the UK here to the US, I got the opportunity to kind

00:36:12.410 --> 00:36:17.850
of reinvent myself and decided what I wanted my new life to be and my new career to be.

00:36:18.570 --> 00:36:21.490
And going through, you know, the weight loss issues that I'd had,

00:36:21.630 --> 00:36:26.890
I'd lost over a hundred pounds by that point, but I'd done it in a horrifically unhealthy way.

00:36:27.690 --> 00:36:32.950
And I just, I got to a point where I was like, okay, I know I have a heart to

00:36:32.950 --> 00:36:37.790
serve others and I have a heart specifically for health and all that kind of stuff.

00:36:37.950 --> 00:36:41.890
And I want to be able to show women a healthy way to do this.

00:36:41.970 --> 00:36:46.070
Because if I struggled, then I know other people have struggled too.

00:36:46.190 --> 00:36:51.090
One of my favorite concepts to have of how I live my life is what one of us

00:36:51.090 --> 00:36:52.730
goes through, we all go through.

00:36:53.510 --> 00:36:57.950
And so I knew that if I was struggling with poor information,

00:36:58.550 --> 00:37:02.210
poor mindset around this stuff, then other women were struggling with this too.

00:37:02.350 --> 00:37:06.430
And I thought, okay, let me be an advocate for that. How can I be an advocate for that.

00:37:06.570 --> 00:37:10.170
So I got educated. I started my personal training business.

00:37:10.230 --> 00:37:14.950
Then I co-owned a boutique fitness studio, was teaching group exercise.

00:37:14.950 --> 00:37:17.250
I was all in the fitness game.

00:37:18.029 --> 00:37:23.089
And that kind of evolved into coaching because one of the things that I really

00:37:23.089 --> 00:37:29.149
noticed was most of the struggle when it came to women's health goals wasn't

00:37:29.149 --> 00:37:32.429
necessarily in doing the workout or eating right.

00:37:32.429 --> 00:37:38.269
It was all the emotions or the negative mindset that was stopping them from

00:37:38.269 --> 00:37:39.749
doing the workout and eating right.

00:37:39.829 --> 00:37:45.489
So I did a lot of mindset coaching with my clients then. And so when we moved

00:37:45.489 --> 00:37:49.869
again, we moved over to the East Coast from Texas, we moved to the East Coast, we've since moved back.

00:37:49.989 --> 00:37:53.609
But when that move first initially happened, there was another opportunity to

00:37:53.609 --> 00:37:56.309
reinvent how I approached my career.

00:37:56.549 --> 00:38:01.309
And so that's when I took a deep dive into coaching and, you know,

00:38:01.449 --> 00:38:04.689
again, got educated, did my due diligence, became a coach.

00:38:04.689 --> 00:38:09.949
And now I really work with women, some men too, but on a lot of that identity

00:38:09.949 --> 00:38:13.809
work I was talking about, habits, rituals, how we see ourselves.

00:38:14.109 --> 00:38:15.969
Mindset, performance, all of that.

00:38:15.969 --> 00:38:19.549
But to to cycle back

00:38:19.549 --> 00:38:22.549
when I decided to to go

00:38:22.549 --> 00:38:25.449
down that route it became very clear to

00:38:25.449 --> 00:38:28.789
me that fitness was it was being bastardized

00:38:28.789 --> 00:38:34.549
in a lot of ways in the industry specifically because I I'm not a fan of always

00:38:34.549 --> 00:38:41.209
or never right or all like any kind anything that kind of blanket statements

00:38:41.209 --> 00:38:45.469
or includes every category or every person.

00:38:45.469 --> 00:38:49.949
I'm not a fan of that because that, like you said, that doesn't allow for nuances

00:38:49.949 --> 00:38:53.389
and individualism and all of these things that we have to consider.

00:38:53.689 --> 00:38:58.409
And there was a lot that was in the fitness industry about the best way to lose

00:38:58.409 --> 00:39:04.749
weight, the best workout for your abs, the best way to whatever.

00:39:04.989 --> 00:39:09.369
And I was like, there's no one best way to do anything.

00:39:09.769 --> 00:39:13.449
There's the best way for you, right?

00:39:14.009 --> 00:39:20.149
And if the best way for you is yoga, go and do yoga.

00:39:20.784 --> 00:39:25.784
If the best way for your health, for you, is to run, go and run.

00:39:26.284 --> 00:39:30.384
The best workout is the one that you'll do consistently, right?

00:39:30.544 --> 00:39:35.264
So there's no, unless you're like competing for a figure competition or you're

00:39:35.264 --> 00:39:38.084
an ultra marathoner, that's different, right?

00:39:38.204 --> 00:39:41.864
But people that are focused on just being as healthy as they can be,

00:39:42.124 --> 00:39:44.044
the best way is the way that you'll do.

00:39:44.344 --> 00:39:50.564
And so find something you love. And for me, fitness became, it became a route

00:39:50.564 --> 00:39:54.184
to being my healthiest, most empowered self.

00:39:54.584 --> 00:39:59.224
That's how I started to see fitness. It didn't, it was no longer a means to

00:39:59.224 --> 00:40:05.264
an end to help me get to that, you know, lose those final 10 pounds or whatever, any of those.

00:40:05.464 --> 00:40:09.784
It became, how can I show up for myself that makes me feel good,

00:40:09.784 --> 00:40:13.384
makes me feel strong and empowered, makes me feel proud of myself.

00:40:14.204 --> 00:40:18.164
And that's what my workouts do. And I do lots of different workouts. I lift really heavy.

00:40:19.224 --> 00:40:24.364
I cycle. Like I love a soul cycle session. So I've got a soul cycle bike here at home.

00:40:24.484 --> 00:40:27.424
So I'll do a little bit of a boogie on my bike. Like I love it.

00:40:27.784 --> 00:40:33.164
I also walk every single day. I don't mind doing some jog intervals.

00:40:33.424 --> 00:40:36.704
Like I'm not a runner. I will avoid running at all costs.

00:40:36.904 --> 00:40:40.484
But every now and again, a little jog interval on the treadmill. I can be down with that.

00:40:40.664 --> 00:40:43.844
I love me some Pilates. I love me some yoga. like give me

00:40:43.844 --> 00:40:47.064
all the ways in which I can move and I can incorporate

00:40:47.064 --> 00:40:49.884
those things into my routine in a way that makes sense

00:40:49.884 --> 00:40:52.664
for me right and I think that's the

00:40:52.664 --> 00:40:58.064
point of fitness like to be healthy and if you really start asking yourself

00:40:58.064 --> 00:41:02.744
that question how can be it how can I be as healthy as I possibly can not how

00:41:02.744 --> 00:41:07.864
can I lose weight not how can I be skinny not anything that has like an end

00:41:07.864 --> 00:41:11.364
goal that you cross a finish line to get to, you know,

00:41:12.044 --> 00:41:14.944
but how can I be as healthy as I possibly can?

00:41:16.024 --> 00:41:19.064
There has to, movement has to be a part of that equation.

00:41:19.184 --> 00:41:23.404
It's important for us in so many ways, for our hormones, for bone density,

00:41:23.624 --> 00:41:26.584
especially as women, as we're getting older, all of those things are important.

00:41:26.804 --> 00:41:28.344
So movement is important.

00:41:28.764 --> 00:41:31.884
What you do to kind of fill that need,

00:41:32.875 --> 00:41:37.755
Do something you enjoy. If you like to salsa dance, go and do that.

00:41:38.155 --> 00:41:40.295
If you like to swim, go and do that.

00:41:40.975 --> 00:41:44.195
Whatever it is that you're going to do on a consistent basis that makes you

00:41:44.195 --> 00:41:49.335
feel gray, that's the gap that fitness should fill.

00:41:49.835 --> 00:41:57.215
Yeah, because I think sometimes we're told you have to do, I don't know,

00:41:57.335 --> 00:41:59.315
just throwing out a number, it could be completely inaccurate.

00:41:59.315 --> 00:42:03.215
You have to do an hour a week of strength training You have to do this many

00:42:03.215 --> 00:42:07.655
hours a week of cardio You have to get your heart rate to this level And I'm

00:42:07.655 --> 00:42:10.895
not saying any of those things are inaccurate But if you tell somebody you have

00:42:10.895 --> 00:42:14.055
to start right there And hit that all the time,

00:42:15.055 --> 00:42:18.135
And you miss it one day Why would you try? Mm-hmm.

00:42:19.191 --> 00:42:24.571
You know yeah you're absolutely right I mean we set such benchmarks for ourselves and,

00:42:25.131 --> 00:42:28.011
one of my the women that I work with she

00:42:28.011 --> 00:42:31.311
talks a lot about that like her perfectionist mindset

00:42:31.311 --> 00:42:34.891
and if she she can't do it all then what's

00:42:34.891 --> 00:42:37.751
the point that's kind of her default setting and I know so

00:42:37.751 --> 00:42:40.791
many people struggle with that and so if doing

00:42:40.791 --> 00:42:43.491
it all means all of those things that you just

00:42:43.491 --> 00:42:46.251
mentioned I have to do an hour of this every single day

00:42:46.251 --> 00:42:49.371
whatever those brackets are I have to do CrossFit I have to go and

00:42:49.371 --> 00:42:52.231
run 10 miles like whatever all means to you

00:42:52.231 --> 00:42:55.971
and you don't have it in you to do it that day or you

00:42:55.971 --> 00:42:58.871
you're on your period and you're just like screw it or

00:42:58.871 --> 00:43:02.111
somebody like got put you in a bad mood and you're just like f

00:43:02.111 --> 00:43:08.111
this whatever it is that you're dealing with then not being able to do it puts

00:43:08.111 --> 00:43:11.911
you in in a position where you're like well what's the point like screw it I'm

00:43:11.911 --> 00:43:19.291
not gonna I'm not even gonna try it because I can't I can't do it we put ourselves in that bucket,

00:43:19.551 --> 00:43:19.671
right?

00:43:20.651 --> 00:43:27.971
There's a writer, his name is John Acuff, A-C-U-F-F. And he's written a book called Finish.

00:43:28.491 --> 00:43:32.751
He also wrote a book called Start, but I love Finish. It's called Finish.

00:43:32.931 --> 00:43:36.131
Give Yourself the Gift of Done is the name of the book. And it's incredible.

00:43:36.671 --> 00:43:41.571
And one of the main points in the book, and I coach my clients on this a lot,

00:43:41.751 --> 00:43:43.611
is the day after perfect.

00:43:44.151 --> 00:43:46.911
And he talks about the hardest day in your

00:43:46.911 --> 00:43:49.671
process of change whatever that process of change

00:43:49.671 --> 00:43:53.371
means for you is the day after perfect so

00:43:53.371 --> 00:43:56.331
when you've had like a streak of read like

00:43:56.331 --> 00:44:00.931
you're doing all the things maybe you've gone you know new year right everybody's

00:44:00.931 --> 00:44:04.991
on their p's and q's when it comes to their health so from january 2nd because

00:44:04.991 --> 00:44:08.391
i don't know about you but january 1st i'm hung over and i'm eating all the

00:44:08.391 --> 00:44:12.111
carbs and get all the things out of my system so my new year's day starts on

00:44:12.111 --> 00:44:13.811
January 2nd, every year without fail.

00:44:13.931 --> 00:44:16.491
And I'm not going to apologize for it. That's just the way that I am.

00:44:16.931 --> 00:44:19.471
So January 2nd, we start with all our things.

00:44:20.416 --> 00:44:24.516
And then you have a really good run of that, right? You're getting up and you're doing your workouts.

00:44:24.756 --> 00:44:27.676
You're hitting your macros. You're, you know, sleeping well.

00:44:27.876 --> 00:44:29.196
You're prioritizing your hydration.

00:44:29.436 --> 00:44:33.036
You're maybe doing dry January. So you haven't drunk and you're doing all things.

00:44:33.196 --> 00:44:38.176
And it gets to like January 12th. So you've had like a solid 10 days.

00:44:38.576 --> 00:44:44.076
And then your girlfriend calls and says, hey, do you fancy going out for drinks and dinner tonight?

00:44:44.236 --> 00:44:47.616
Like we haven't seen each other since before the holidays. Let's go out and

00:44:47.616 --> 00:44:50.316
just let loose. And I'm like, yeah, that sounds great. Let's do that.

00:44:50.416 --> 00:44:54.676
And you say to yourself, I'm just going to drink gin and tonic because it's

00:44:54.676 --> 00:44:57.936
like minimal calories and I'm going to choose the right alcohol and I'm going

00:44:57.936 --> 00:45:01.216
to choose the, you know, healthy foods at the restaurant.

00:45:01.436 --> 00:45:05.076
And then you get there and you're all caught up in the, you know,

00:45:05.176 --> 00:45:08.756
being with one of your best people and you're caught up in the fun of the night

00:45:08.756 --> 00:45:11.976
and you're like, one night isn't going to hurt. you drink all the cocktails

00:45:11.976 --> 00:45:15.476
and you eat all the chips and salsa and you do all the things.

00:45:16.416 --> 00:45:21.116
And then the next day, that's the hardest day of your change process.

00:45:21.116 --> 00:45:27.676
Because the day after you've broken your streak is the day you have to recommit to your process.

00:45:27.896 --> 00:45:32.996
And depending on how attached emotionally you were to perfect change.

00:45:34.018 --> 00:45:39.618
Will determine how difficult that day is. Because if you've made it mean something

00:45:39.618 --> 00:45:44.278
about you, your worth, your capability, that you broke, your perfect.

00:45:44.418 --> 00:45:49.118
Like I said, I wasn't going to go ham and I went ham. I suck. I'm the worst.

00:45:49.278 --> 00:45:52.078
I can't do it. I'm not capable. I don't have the willpower, whatever.

00:45:52.398 --> 00:45:56.858
Then that day becomes a falling off of your cycle.

00:45:57.018 --> 00:46:01.138
And it then perpetuates three months and it's Easter.

00:46:01.138 --> 00:46:05.878
And you're like well shit I don't know I don't know what happened I have just

00:46:05.878 --> 00:46:11.878
spent the last two months in a complete you know binge fest that I don't even

00:46:11.878 --> 00:46:14.098
know and then you try again in.

00:46:14.778 --> 00:46:21.138
April you know and people do this is the cycle that people find themselves on because there

00:46:21.538 --> 00:46:24.438
was the day after perfect became a pivotal

00:46:24.438 --> 00:46:27.718
point right and that's the

00:46:27.718 --> 00:46:30.718
day that you have to be really have to zero back

00:46:30.718 --> 00:46:33.498
in on what it is that why you made

00:46:33.498 --> 00:46:36.878
the commitment in the first place if it matters enough to

00:46:36.878 --> 00:46:39.618
deal with the sugar cravings because that's what happens when

00:46:39.618 --> 00:46:42.838
you have a big dump of sugar into your system on wednesday

00:46:42.838 --> 00:46:45.578
on thursday your body guess what wants more of that

00:46:45.578 --> 00:46:48.238
sugar so you're going to have to deal with those cravings you're going to have to

00:46:48.238 --> 00:46:51.198
deal with all of that well other people can eat sugar

00:46:51.198 --> 00:46:53.918
and don't struggle why am i the one that sucks and

00:46:53.918 --> 00:46:57.378
I struggle like your mind that's what it does yeah and

00:46:57.378 --> 00:47:00.178
so you've got to deal with all of that and be okay dealing with

00:47:00.178 --> 00:47:03.818
all of that knowing that the next day like you make the great choices on that

00:47:03.818 --> 00:47:08.198
off that day after the next day it's a little bit easier the next day is a little

00:47:08.198 --> 00:47:11.618
bit easier the next day is a little bit easier give yourself three or four days

00:47:11.618 --> 00:47:16.338
to cycle that those chemicals and that junk out of your system and then all

00:47:16.338 --> 00:47:19.898
of a sudden your mind is like yeah I'm on it. Feel good again. Let's go.

00:47:20.378 --> 00:47:22.698
Yeah. That's what it takes.

00:47:23.898 --> 00:47:30.118
It's extreme self-awareness, I think. And that might sound like...

00:47:30.526 --> 00:47:34.406
Why do I have to be so intentional about all this stuff? Like,

00:47:34.646 --> 00:47:35.966
why can't it just be easy?

00:47:36.366 --> 00:47:40.986
Well, if you want to live the kind of life that you've never had before,

00:47:41.206 --> 00:47:44.506
free from all of these things that are keeping you down, keeping you stuck,

00:47:44.926 --> 00:47:49.086
keeping you broken and fractured, you're going to have to be intentional about

00:47:49.086 --> 00:47:51.206
that. That doesn't happen by accident.

00:47:52.306 --> 00:47:55.906
So a lot of that is like letting go of it. Yeah, it's going to suck.

00:47:57.406 --> 00:48:00.186
It is. It is. i think kind of

00:48:00.186 --> 00:48:03.446
what you're saying too is like it goes back to being human you know

00:48:03.446 --> 00:48:07.566
you're gonna screw up you're gonna have struggles but you highlighted the pattern

00:48:07.566 --> 00:48:12.326
i like i like that i'm gonna look into his books that's good the day after perfect

00:48:12.326 --> 00:48:19.026
it's like you're kind of at like a crossroads do i keep going down do i punish

00:48:19.026 --> 00:48:20.706
myself for having a good night with my girlfriends,

00:48:21.206 --> 00:48:24.406
or do i just say okay it was the night i'm gonna

00:48:24.406 --> 00:48:27.306
get back on it allow myself three four days to feel better

00:48:27.306 --> 00:48:30.046
and then set like a maybe like a

00:48:30.046 --> 00:48:33.186
positive pattern in your brain okay i you

00:48:33.186 --> 00:48:36.146
know backslid once but you know it's okay it's

00:48:36.146 --> 00:48:39.246
fine i'll just go forward but like you said people

00:48:39.246 --> 00:48:42.246
put like this heavy it was like january 1st i'm gonna

00:48:42.246 --> 00:48:45.266
do all the things and i hate those ads with a

00:48:45.266 --> 00:48:49.166
passion because it's so inaccurate there's nothing special about that particular

00:48:49.166 --> 00:48:53.806
day we just put on a calendar and said that's the day and then we get people

00:48:53.806 --> 00:48:59.466
to go hard for like a couple weeks or a month and then completely lose it until

00:48:59.466 --> 00:49:02.546
easter or whenever or next january.

00:49:03.566 --> 00:49:09.146
And that's it's so awful but you like you said you have to have that extreme awareness,

00:49:09.766 --> 00:49:15.086
and committed to it or you just have to is it fair i i don't i don't know if

00:49:15.086 --> 00:49:19.746
fair comes into the game but it's it's it's necessary it's real yeah yeah and

00:49:19.746 --> 00:49:22.606
that's and that's just for people that, you know,

00:49:22.726 --> 00:49:25.546
that's like for the average person, it has to deal with that.

00:49:25.646 --> 00:49:30.146
For somebody who's dealing with addictions, then now it's like.

00:49:31.057 --> 00:49:36.177
That day after perfect, that day after you've been sober for 10 days,

00:49:36.377 --> 00:49:41.617
or you've not binged eight for two weeks, or you haven't spent excessively for

00:49:41.617 --> 00:49:43.197
a month, or you haven't had.

00:49:44.037 --> 00:49:51.317
Frivolous sex for three days or whatever, that day now becomes that recommitment

00:49:51.317 --> 00:49:53.197
to the journey that you went on.

00:49:53.457 --> 00:49:58.437
It also becomes the day that you realize, am I going to proliferate this addiction?

00:49:58.677 --> 00:50:02.657
Am I going to continue to feed into it? Or am I going to take a stance for myself

00:50:02.657 --> 00:50:04.537
right now and go in the opposite direction?

00:50:04.877 --> 00:50:09.457
It becomes a day of recommitment, of re-discipline, of not beating yourself

00:50:09.457 --> 00:50:13.977
up, not making yourself wrong, not saying that there's something innate within

00:50:13.977 --> 00:50:18.757
you that is bad or broken, and that's why you can't do it.

00:50:18.997 --> 00:50:22.017
But it gives you the opportunity to begin again, right?

00:50:22.317 --> 00:50:29.197
And that in and of itself is a power play for you, egocentrically, right?

00:50:29.277 --> 00:50:33.437
It's a moment where you get to be powerful in your process and say,

00:50:33.537 --> 00:50:36.917
okay, even when I screw up, I forgive myself and I move forward.

00:50:37.117 --> 00:50:42.417
And that's a pivotal moment for somebody who's dealing with the psychological

00:50:42.417 --> 00:50:44.857
weight of having these kinds of addictions.

00:50:45.277 --> 00:50:48.677
It's a moment where you get to forgive yourself.

00:50:49.117 --> 00:50:55.217
I think a lot of the struggle of addiction is holding on to that self-hatred

00:50:55.217 --> 00:51:00.237
or self-loathing of being in the position that you're in or the role that you

00:51:00.237 --> 00:51:02.737
played in wherever it is that you find yourself.

00:51:02.997 --> 00:51:08.537
Going through that process of being able to self-forgive is crucial to these

00:51:08.537 --> 00:51:11.597
new behaviors and this new identity sticking long-term.

00:51:13.098 --> 00:51:18.518
And I think, like, I can imagine, like, sometimes a woman, like,

00:51:18.558 --> 00:51:22.058
comes to you after one of these, you know, human moments.

00:51:22.478 --> 00:51:26.738
I can imagine even though you've been there and you're not going to,

00:51:26.738 --> 00:51:33.238
like, come down on that woman, there's still that shame that's, like, you know.

00:51:34.658 --> 00:51:37.478
And I think it's important. I think it goes back to having, like,

00:51:37.478 --> 00:51:39.758
a good, like, support system, too.

00:51:39.758 --> 00:51:45.298
You know having people who won't reinforce those negative mindsets and because

00:51:45.298 --> 00:51:49.418
no you can't you can't you know you can't listen to what everybody says but

00:51:49.418 --> 00:51:54.778
it's important to have positive people who are like okay well we'll just you

00:51:54.778 --> 00:51:57.738
know yeah but and I think sometimes you lack that,

00:51:58.778 --> 00:52:01.838
and it's um you're what you're saying is exactly

00:52:01.838 --> 00:52:05.358
right and I think it's you have to have people

00:52:05.358 --> 00:52:08.398
a circle a person that is the right

00:52:08.398 --> 00:52:11.998
blend and this is difficult which is why professional

00:52:11.998 --> 00:52:15.258
intervention can be so helpful the right blend

00:52:15.258 --> 00:52:18.038
of supportive and holding space for you

00:52:18.038 --> 00:52:21.258
to be human have those moments but then also won't

00:52:21.258 --> 00:52:24.378
let you sit in it won't let you you know won't

00:52:24.378 --> 00:52:27.278
help you hold on to that sad story because we've

00:52:27.278 --> 00:52:30.278
all got a sad story like every single person walking the planet has

00:52:30.278 --> 00:52:33.018
a sad story it's whether or not you allow that sad

00:52:33.018 --> 00:52:35.818
story to be the narrative of which the rest

00:52:35.818 --> 00:52:38.938
of your life unfolds and so having somebody

00:52:38.938 --> 00:52:44.038
in your circle you know whether it's a trusted loved one or coach or a therapist

00:52:44.038 --> 00:52:48.958
or somebody that's like yes you you did something that is against the direction

00:52:48.958 --> 00:52:52.378
you want to go let's hold space for that let's not make ourselves wrong for

00:52:52.378 --> 00:52:58.258
that forgive yourself for that we be gentle with the human but then be hard on the problem right?

00:52:58.658 --> 00:53:02.438
Be gentle with human, but be hard on the problem. So we can forgive ourselves

00:53:02.438 --> 00:53:03.738
for it, but this can't continue.

00:53:04.483 --> 00:53:08.643
And having somebody that can hold you to that greater version of yourself that

00:53:08.643 --> 00:53:11.723
you're trying to live into and be like, okay, we let that go.

00:53:11.883 --> 00:53:16.943
And now we get back to where it is that we need to go to move in the right direction.

00:53:16.943 --> 00:53:19.403
I think it's important to have that.

00:53:19.583 --> 00:53:23.563
And I think that's what a lot of people lack in their lives is they'll have

00:53:23.563 --> 00:53:30.523
people that support them, that make it okay that they continue to engage in these bad behaviors.

00:53:30.523 --> 00:53:36.903
I have people in my family and specifically health-related or weight-related

00:53:36.903 --> 00:53:42.883
that really struggle with staying on point with their health efforts to kind of turn that around.

00:53:43.143 --> 00:53:47.163
And their spouse or their best friend is just like, you're fine,

00:53:47.283 --> 00:53:48.663
you're beautiful, we love you.

00:53:48.903 --> 00:53:50.183
It doesn't matter, all of that.

00:53:50.283 --> 00:53:56.443
And all of that is true. But if it's detrimental to your health, i.e.

00:53:56.463 --> 00:53:59.683
How long you're going to be with us and your

00:53:59.683 --> 00:54:02.823
quality of life then that there's got

00:54:02.823 --> 00:54:05.743
to be a point where we love you it doesn't matter has to

00:54:05.743 --> 00:54:08.663
stop because part of I love you

00:54:08.663 --> 00:54:12.403
is I love you we need

00:54:12.403 --> 00:54:17.003
to change this so that you can have a better life and we get to live together

00:54:17.003 --> 00:54:23.443
for a long time right and so there's there's negative when it comes to just

00:54:23.443 --> 00:54:27.843
having people that are like your yes people but then there's a negative to having

00:54:27.843 --> 00:54:30.063
people that are just hard all the time.

00:54:30.423 --> 00:54:33.803
Because when you do have those human moments and you need to be held and you

00:54:33.803 --> 00:54:37.583
need to be seen and you need to just have a moment for somebody to hear you,

00:54:37.783 --> 00:54:39.223
you're not getting that.

00:54:40.348 --> 00:54:44.668
So there is that blend, and it can be difficult to do for somebody that you

00:54:44.668 --> 00:54:48.248
know personally, which is why having a coach or a therapist can be so valuable,

00:54:48.548 --> 00:54:56.048
because you can hold space for the humanity, but then have no patience or time

00:54:56.048 --> 00:54:58.688
for the perpetuation of the issue.

00:54:59.028 --> 00:55:01.288
I don't know if I explained that right, but that's kind of...

00:55:01.288 --> 00:55:04.848
I love what you said, a gentle on the human, but hard on the problem.

00:55:05.668 --> 00:55:07.208
You know, because that's so true.

00:55:08.448 --> 00:55:14.448
That's because like i i've heard something similar like in reference to when

00:55:14.448 --> 00:55:17.288
you're dealing with someone who has a drug or alcohol problem like when you're

00:55:17.288 --> 00:55:18.908
talking to them and they're,

00:55:19.428 --> 00:55:22.188
you know intoxicated or whatever you're dealing with the substance you're not

00:55:22.188 --> 00:55:29.368
dealing with the human being at that point you know and i think that goes back

00:55:29.368 --> 00:55:32.908
to your i don't know if it's like your quote or your mantra but it's like your

00:55:32.908 --> 00:55:38.888
success is inevitable if you don't quit and that word if is so important.

00:55:40.186 --> 00:55:43.566
Because, you know, it's kind of like I put it in the category of like, yet.

00:55:44.146 --> 00:55:49.366
Yes. You know? Yes. Two of my three, like my three favorite letters in combination is yet.

00:55:49.926 --> 00:55:54.486
I love it because it does. It's like the dot, dot, dot at the end of anything,

00:55:54.486 --> 00:55:56.746
you know? Like I suck at this.

00:55:57.306 --> 00:55:59.606
No, I'm just not good at this yet.

00:56:00.246 --> 00:56:03.986
Right. I've never been able to do that yet. Right.

00:56:04.186 --> 00:56:07.586
This will never happen for me. It just hasn't happened for me yet.

00:56:07.586 --> 00:56:13.506
And so it's kind of like giving yourself permission to envision something different for your life.

00:56:13.706 --> 00:56:18.066
Give yourself like a moment just to go there and be like, what could that look

00:56:18.066 --> 00:56:19.486
like, feel like, be like?

00:56:19.946 --> 00:56:26.106
And then recognize that that future, I'm not a religious person,

00:56:26.146 --> 00:56:27.466
but I'm incredibly spiritual.

00:56:27.786 --> 00:56:35.686
And I truly believe that any future that we can envision, it's meant to be ours.

00:56:35.686 --> 00:56:39.026
Right like for example i

00:56:39.026 --> 00:56:41.966
have i have no desire

00:56:41.966 --> 00:56:45.146
to be an nba star no desire

00:56:45.146 --> 00:56:48.526
to play in the nba all-star game

00:56:48.526 --> 00:56:52.026
no desire because that's not my dream but if

00:56:52.026 --> 00:56:55.026
you are a high school basketball player

00:56:55.026 --> 00:56:58.206
and that's your dream it's because it's a possible

00:56:58.206 --> 00:57:06.166
future for you if you don't quit right And so any future that you can give yourself

00:57:06.166 --> 00:57:12.066
permission to imagine is available to you if you don't give up through the process

00:57:12.066 --> 00:57:15.806
it's going to be required of you to go through to make it your reality.

00:57:16.886 --> 00:57:21.106
And again, with the ownership and the taking your power back in the process,

00:57:21.126 --> 00:57:24.506
that's something that's completely underneath your control.

00:57:26.503 --> 00:57:30.983
You've been very gracious with your time today. And I just want to ask you,

00:57:31.183 --> 00:57:36.523
if there's a woman out there who's listening and she's struggling with a food

00:57:36.523 --> 00:57:40.523
addiction, what's something that you could say to her?

00:57:42.583 --> 00:57:46.723
You're not alone. I know that sounds really cheesy, but you're not alone.

00:57:46.723 --> 00:57:50.523
And I think, especially with food addictions, I'm sure with other addictions

00:57:50.523 --> 00:57:54.283
or other troublesome kind of behavior patterns that we find ourselves engaging

00:57:54.283 --> 00:57:59.643
in, we can think that there's something wrong with us. And that's why this is happening.

00:58:00.003 --> 00:58:03.443
Because other people don't, like, how many people talk about being addicted to food?

00:58:04.213 --> 00:58:08.153
You don't. People don't talk about that, but it's a very real thing.

00:58:08.573 --> 00:58:13.153
And so if you feel as if that is something that is real for you and something

00:58:13.153 --> 00:58:17.393
that may be at the root of what you're struggling with, know that you're not alone.

00:58:17.593 --> 00:58:22.973
There are other people that are going through this too, and go and seek for a solution.

00:58:23.333 --> 00:58:27.273
Give yourself the permission to be courageous enough to seek for a solution because there is one.

00:58:27.533 --> 00:58:30.533
You'll find people out there, professionals like myself

00:58:30.533 --> 00:58:33.433
that want to help and have methods and

00:58:33.433 --> 00:58:36.313
systems to help you through that there are

00:58:36.313 --> 00:58:39.493
communities out there of people that are walking through

00:58:39.493 --> 00:58:42.633
that fire that will embrace you with open arms

00:58:42.633 --> 00:58:45.613
there's ways you can get educated on what is happening

00:58:45.613 --> 00:58:48.933
from a hormonal level to a to a emotional

00:58:48.933 --> 00:58:51.773
level when it comes to how food is affecting your

00:58:51.773 --> 00:58:54.493
body that there's so much that is

00:58:54.493 --> 00:58:57.433
available to us you know going back to what we talked about the

00:58:57.433 --> 00:59:01.533
all the information that's right here of our fingertips saying

00:59:01.533 --> 00:59:04.493
i don't know how i don't think is

00:59:04.493 --> 00:59:07.633
no longer relevant it's no longer a

00:59:07.633 --> 00:59:10.673
relevant excuse to continue to live in

00:59:10.673 --> 00:59:14.253
a life that is less than you desire because you

00:59:14.253 --> 00:59:17.133
can go and google anything you can youtube

00:59:17.133 --> 00:59:20.073
a college degree for god's sake right you

00:59:20.073 --> 00:59:23.153
can literally you can find information about

00:59:23.153 --> 00:59:29.213
everything yeah be discerning about the information you you come across and

00:59:29.213 --> 00:59:34.793
and be very very stringent on how you view it and make sure that it makes sense

00:59:34.793 --> 00:59:39.753
for you and it's relevant to you but go and seek for that solution because it

00:59:39.753 --> 00:59:42.853
is out there yeah there's always help,

00:59:43.773 --> 00:59:48.053
and your success is is inevitable if you don't give up.

00:59:49.216 --> 00:59:52.156
I love that. I love that. Thank you for today.

00:59:52.676 --> 00:59:58.776
A huge thank you to you for sharing your story and how you coach women, inspire women.

00:59:59.216 --> 01:00:03.196
I think you could write a book with all your experience. I think you could.

01:00:03.276 --> 01:00:06.196
I think you could be very successful writing a book. Thank you.

01:00:06.436 --> 01:00:08.176
I really do. I'm not under advisement.

01:00:09.796 --> 01:00:15.076
So if it's meant for you, maybe we'll see a book from you one of these days.

01:00:15.816 --> 01:00:18.816
So I truly appreciate Sabrina for joining us today.

01:00:19.216 --> 01:00:24.536
I truly appreciate everyone for tuning in and sticking in with us on this journey.

01:00:24.796 --> 01:00:28.456
For all the show links, the notes and information on Sabrina,

01:00:28.816 --> 01:00:34.516
visit my Podbean site at unity.podbean.com. You can also connect with me on

01:00:34.516 --> 01:00:36.636
X, TikTok, Instagram, all the links.

01:00:37.336 --> 01:00:41.676
If you're feeling generous and want to fuel this chaos or just fund the caffeine

01:00:41.676 --> 01:00:47.976
needed for the next episode, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com slash cat83.

01:00:49.056 --> 01:00:55.196
Thank you Sabrina again thank you everyone for listening and we'll see you on the next one take care.