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Ah Caloroga Shark media that low and welcome to Palace Weekly.
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I am in post Mark Francis. It's been a week
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in which almost nothing happened and a truly heroic quantity
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of words were spent describing it. Prince William was reported
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to be furious about a tiara, Meghan was reported to
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be ordering Harry to stop tipping so generously. A memoir
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confirmed that Prince Edward is and I quote definitely not gay.
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A former housekeeper revealed that the secret to landing a
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royal job is spotting a dead fly on the carpet,
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and a branding expert offered Meghan's strategic advice she did
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not ask for the summer as ever delivers. So here's
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the question I want to hold on to for the
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rest of this show, because it's the one the week
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keeps circling back to. When the Royals do very little.
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What exactly are we talking about? And the uncomfortable answer
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most weeks is ourselves. The Palace has finished quietly rewriting
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the description of the King's role. Last year, the Sovereign
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Grant Report called him Head of the Church of England
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and defender of the faith. This year, he is Supreme
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Governor of the Church of England, a man who protects
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the space for faith within the multi faith nation. Those
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two phrasings sound like a small edit. They are not.
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The title Supreme Governor was deliberately chosen back in the
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reign of Elizabeth I, precisely because it avoided implying the
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monarch held spiritual authority over the Church. The sovereign guards
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the church's constitutional position, while the bishops handle the actual religion.
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So this is old, careful language, and Charles has spent
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his whole life poking at its edges. You may remember
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that in a nineteen ninety four documentary with Jonathan Dimbleby,
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the then Prince amused that he might prefer to be
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defender of the divine rather than defender of the faith.
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Not a missing word, a different word entirely. To most listeners,
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it sounded like gentle royal philosophy. To institutional scholars, it
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sounded like someone quietly suggesting the whole arrangement might be negotiable.
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The whole arrangement might be negotiable given that the coronation
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oath is fixed by an Act of Parliament dating to
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sixteen eighty eight and cannot simply be updated on a whim.
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Charles always insisted he'd been misunderstood that he wanted to
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be a protector of faiths alongside defending the established Church,
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not instead of it. His coronation in twenty twenty three
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formally settled it. He took the oath, he was proclaimed
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Defender of the Faith, and the Archbishop of Canterbury added
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a careful little preface about fostering an environment where people
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of all faiths may live freely. The words stay the same,
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the frame around them shifted just slightly to acknowledge the
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country that now exists rather than one. The oath was
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written for a very British solution. Nobody entirely satisfied, nobody
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entirely displeased, And that really is the same question England
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has been quietly arguing since Henry the eighth was first
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handed the title Defender of the Faith by Pope Leo
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the tenth and fifteen twenty one. Who defends the faith?
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Which faith? And what defending it actually requires? Even the
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Week's most substantial story was on inspection five centuries old
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now to the manufactured version of exactly the same activity,
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the tabloids deciding what the royals mean royal insight of
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deep Crown said, the quiet part out loud this week,
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and I want to give it room because it is
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essentially this show's entire thesis articulated by someone else. If
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you gathered every story published about the Prince of Wales
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in the last three years in which an unnamed source
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described his emotional state, Deep Crown wrote, you would picture
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a man in a condition of near perpetual white hot
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volcanic fury, pacing the corridors of Kensington Palace at midnight,
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rattling the wainscotting, frightening the staff. The English language, he noted,
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offers a magnificent range of words for human displeasure, vexed, agree, peaked,
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put out, rankled, And the tabloid press has surveyed all
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of it and decided unanimously and apparently forever, to pitch
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its tent on furious and never leave his theory, And
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it is not a flattering one for the press. Is
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that furious keeps Harry relevant. If William is furious, it
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means Harry got to him. The wound is fresh, the
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drama is live. But what if the truer word is
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that William has with some discipline, simply moved on. That
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is a far less exciting story, that is almost no
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story at all, and so we get furious instead. Deep
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Crownd says, the people who have actually been near William
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lately use different words indifferent, detached, and from one who's
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known him for years, he's moved on. He's genuinely moved on,
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right on. Q the Weak supplied exhibit a Radar Online
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reporter that William was yet furious this time because Queen
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Camilla allegedly refused to let Peter Phillips bride Harriet Spurling
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borrow a tiara from the royal vault on the ground
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that she isn't royal by blood. An unnamed sore said
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William was disgusted Camilla would stir up trouble to show
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off her power. For context, Peter's first wife wore one
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of Princess Anne's tiaras in two thousand and eight, and
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Zara borrowed another of ants for her wedding in twenty eleven.
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So there is a genuine precedent buried in here somewhere,
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But the claim is anonymous, unconfirmed, denied by nobody, because
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it was put to nobody and arrives pre loaded with
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the only adjective the press permits itself. Harriet, in the
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end married without a tiara, and the world kept turning.
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Even the advice columns joined the in. Nadine Dorries in
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the Daily Mail suggested William consult his mother in law,
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Carol Middleton, on the grounds that Carol has her own
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wayward younger sibling, naughty uncle Gary Goldsmith four times married
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a man of some tabloid history, and did not banish
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him from the family when Kate married in Gary attended
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the twenty eleven wedding. Put your pride aside, Dorries advised
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the future king, and you may just get your brother back.
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Sound counsel. Perhaps also an entire national newspaper column instructing
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a man on how to feel about his family based
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on nothing he has said or palancing just a moment.
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Which brings us to the Sussexes, who this week generated
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an enormous amount of coverage and almost no actual facts,
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a distinction that, as we've established, rarely slows anyone down close.
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It reported that Megan is pushing Harry to cut away
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back on his trips to Britain on the reasonable sounding
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grounds that the bills are huge and there's nothing to
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show for it. The same unnamed source extended this into
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a general austerity drive. Harry is apparently a very generous
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man who loves to leave outrageous tips and lend money
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to friends no questions asked, and is now in district
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orders to think twice about opening his wallet. I have
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no idea whether any of this is true. Neither, i'd
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wager does the source. But it is a tidy little
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story because it lets you picture and Megan confiscating the
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credit card, and the pictures of what these stories are for. Meanwhile,
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Duncan Larcom, Writing and Woman Magazine reported that Harry's estrangement
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now reportedly extends past his father and brother to the
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wider cousinhood that this one's close friendship with Zara Tyndall has,
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in Larcom's phrase, almost entirely evaporated. This is the man
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who is often credited with introducing Zara to Mike Tindall
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at the two thousand and three Rugby World Cup, and
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who was, apart from a student cousin with university commitments,
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the only royal cousin absent from Peter Phillips Recent's wedding evaccurate.
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That's genuinely sad if sourced the way everything else this
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week was sourced as a shrug in dinner jacket. Then
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the recycling bin Radar Online revived speculation of a documentary
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that has not been announced about a Diana anniversary still
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a year away, that Harry is second Megan might feature
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in any thirtieth anniversary tribute to his mother, and that
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women is deeply irritated by Harry's habit of comparing his
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wife to Diana. The comparison is real. Harry did say
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back in the twenty twenty two Netflix series that so
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much of whom Megan is echoes his mother's compassion and warmth.
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Everything built on top of it. This week was anonymous,
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and Hello offered the tender code of that Archie a
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little bit. Reportedly, don't grasp who the Royal family are
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at all, being raised as normal kids, though young Archie
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apparently loves that his granddad lives in the castle. Broadcaster
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Kirsty also predicted that in about twelve years these children
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will rebel and bitterly resent the British life taken from them,
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which is a bold forecast to make about the interior
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lives of a six and a five year old. If
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you want the sober version of all this, Tessa Dunlop
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supplied it in The Independent, and it's worth hearing because
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it cuts against the sentiment. Harry, she wrote, is on
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a losing streak that may get worse, and the naive
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among us who hoped Childs would give his stubborn, grieving
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son a soft landing are misreading the institution entirely. The
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monarchy has survived revolution, regicide and abdication precisely by not
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taking risks with the leaky prince who will very soon
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be yesterday's news. She's harsh about it. She notes the
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relationship between Charles and Harry was never especially close by
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ordinary standards, given the boarding schools and the legions of staff.
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But she's making the honest point that the family is
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not obliged to be a soft touch, and the conservative press,
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the monarchy's lifeblood, is frankly enjoying the spectacle. And here's
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the line that ties the whole Sussex circus back to
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the top of the show. A friend of Diana told
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Rob Shooter this week that the late princess would have
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handled the press very differently from her youngest son, that
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Diana never saw every journalist as the enemy, that she
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built relationships with correspondence, she trusted and played the long game,
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that she'd been disappointed by the path Harry has chosen,
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declaring war on the media rather than learning to manage it.
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Whether or not that friend exists, the observation lands because
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it's the difference between someone who understood she was inside
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a story and someone still trying to sue his way
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out of one. Catherine Mayer put the broadcast frame on
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it in Iron News, arguing provocatively that Britain actually needs Meghan.
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Throughout history, she wrote, Royal women have been pitted against
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each other and Blim versus Catherine of Aragon, Diana versus Camilla,
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and now the cartoon Kate versus the cartoon Megan, each
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strapped to a set of values she never volunteered for.
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An entire economy of hate has grown up around the Sussexes,
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Meyer argues, and the monarchy, which can only add to
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its balcony through marriage or birth, has just lost Andrew
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and it's putting short of working. Royals might one day
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regret failing to keep the people who saw themselves reflected
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in Megan, you needn't agree with a word of it
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to notice it's the same machinery deep Crownd described viewed
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from the other end, more palace in just a moment,
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Now to the good stuff, because the gaps between all
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that invention a handful of genuinely real moments slipped through,
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the ones where you actually glimpse a person rather than
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a narrative. Start with the King laughing. Dame Elaine Page
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received her damehood at Windsor this week, and, being, as
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she put it, particularly short, she found the King up
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on a dais, leaning down beside her ear to murmur
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keeping your hand in, are you? She shot back that
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she's working on a new album and would send him
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a signed copy, and Charles, by her account, roared with
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laughter loudly enough to break the choreography of an investiture.
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She shared the ceremony with David Beckham, collecting his knighthood.
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Camilla separately has sent her a message for the Olivier Awards,
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calling her a defining figure in musical theater. It is
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a small thing, and it's also the most human the
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monarchy got all week, and speaking of the marriage at
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the center of it, the King, according to Giles Brandreth
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sometimes calls Camilla Mebuba, an Urdu word meaning my beloved,
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a nod to his decades of visits to India and Pakistan,
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and he's used it in public at a British Asian
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Trust event no less. Robert Hartman adds that friends have
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jokingly called Camilla Lorraine the Punton la Rain the Queen,
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a joke she found funny and Charles parent did not.
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The sister Annabel Elliott describes them as Yin and Yang,
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polar opposites who work brilliantly, and calls Camilla his rock.
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Camilla's own explanation for a marriage that took a very
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long and very public road to get here is disarmingly plain.
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It's just sort of friendship, really laughing at the same things,
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getting on with life. Two memoirs opened the same window
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from further back. Ruthie Henshall, the West End Star, has
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written about dating Prince Edward from nineteen eighty eight to
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nineteen ninety three, and her account of a bow moral
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weekend is all removable, washable sofa covers and dogs everywhere,
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and the Queen, the actual Queen, perched on the arms
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of her sofa like any other mother face lighting up
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when Edward walked in, throwing her arms around him to
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talk about horses and wildlife. Henschell was struck by how
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informal they all were, right down to sneaking into palace
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cupboards for biccardi and coke. She also felt the need
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to record for the historical Archive that Edward was romantic gentlemen.
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Her capital is not mine, definitely not gay, noted Former
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Royal chef Darren McGrady offered the same contrast in dessert form.
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When young William wanted chocolate ice cream at Buckingham Palace,
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the Queen would press a button some of the page
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in seat of a twenty minute relay through the head chef,
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the pastry chef, the silver pantry, the glass pantry, and
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the linen room. At Kensington, William would wander into the
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kitchen and ask McGrady directly, be told, help yourself and
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go sit on the windowsill, eating Hagan dance from the tub.
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The Queen loved dark chocolate sixty percent and up. Charles,
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for the record, doesn't like chocolate at all. He'd rather
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have an orange olive oil tea cakeer, a slice of
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banana bread. The whole institution in one freezer. The most
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quietly affecting thing this week came from a new biography
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by Tom Quinn, and it belongs right under Deep Crown's
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argument about Furious. A former Kensington Palace maid claims Kate
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had to teach William some of the ordinary business of
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parenting out of the children a piggyback, and that William said,
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very quietly, my father never gave me a piggyback. The