Jan. 18, 2024

Healing Past Mistakes

Healing Past Mistakes

As we start to do some spiritual work - we can become more aware, awake and sensitive to our previous words and behaviors - when we weren’t at our best.

If we don't have any tools or resources in place when our past mistakes come up for our attention, they can become all-consuming.

They’ll often play on repeat in our mind — leaving us overwhelmed with guilt or regret and eventually sucked under from the undertow of our own self loathing and hatred.

Today on The Karen Kenney Show, we’re looking at past mistakes and discussing how the ego-mind likes to keep us feeling guilty and wrong about all the things we did or didn’t do.

This habituated pattern of looking for or obsessing over what we think we screwed up, can keep us stuck in a place that is without healing.

Leaving us feeling separate from ourselves and the Divine, and unable to remember our goodness.

This mindset is not loving or helpful and in the long run, really doesn’t do us or anyone else any good.

Instead, we can remember that we’re all beautifully imperfect works in progress.

If you're seeking a way to practice forgiveness and self-love, tune in for insights and tools that have helped me and my clients on the path to healing!

KK's Takeaways:

• Spiritual Awareness + Self-Realization (05:56)

• Healing from Past Mistakes through Self-Compassion (09:42)

• Making Amends When Unable to Apologize to Someone (14:09)

• Healing Past Mistakes + Making Amends (18:14)

• Healing through Self-Reflection (23:54)

• Apologies + Self-Reflection (28:21)

• Self-Worth + Forgiveness (334:27)


Karen Kenney is a certified Spiritual Mentor, Hypnotist, Integrative Change Worker and a Life Coach. She’s known for her dynamic storytelling, her sense of humor, her Boston accent and her no-bullshit approach to Spirituality and transformational work.

She’s been a yoga teacher for 22+ years, is a Certified Gateless Writing Instructor, and is also an author, speaker, retreat leader and the host of The Karen Kenney Show podcast.

A curious human being, life-long learner and an entrepreneur for 20+ years, KK brings a down-to-earth perspective to applying spiritual principles and brain science that create powerful shifts in people’s lives and businesses.

She works with people individually in her 1:1 program THE QUEST, and offers a collective learning experience via Group Coaching. She supports both the conscious and unconscious mind by combining practical Neuroscience, Subconscious Reprogramming, Integrative Hypnosis, and Spiritual Mentorship. These tools help clients regulate their nervous systems, remove blocks, rewrite stories, rewire beliefs, and reimagine what’s possible!

Karen wants her clients to have their own lived experience with spirituality and to not just “take her word for it”. She encourages people to deepen their personal connection to Self, Source and Spirit in tangible, relatable, and actionable ways without losing sight of the magic.

Her process called: “Your Story To Your Glory” helps people to shift from an old thought system of fear to one of Love - using compassion, un-shaming, laughter and humor, her work is effective, efficient, and it’s also wicked fun!

KK’s been a student of A Course in Miracles for close to 30 years, has been vegan for over 20 years, and believes that a little kindness can go a long way and make a miraculous difference.

Transcript
Karen Kenney:

Hey, welcome to the Karen Kenny show. I am super duper excited to be here. 2024. Oh, so exciting that we're here. We have a fresh start. And I hope things have been going good for you so far. How are things shaken? Up? Are things, our things unfolding? And yeah, I hope it's going awesome. So you guys, let's see, a couple of weeks ago, maybe I did an episode and I was talking about, I think it was the last episode of 2023. And I was talking about kind of the, the ritual that I do at the end of every year. And how I look back at what was I take a gander at what is and then I look forward a little bit to what could be the possibility like being in the possibility. And one of the things that I talked about in looking back, Pat, is sometimes we look back, and we wince a little bit, right? We get a little cringy we get a little like, or like a little murderer, I wish I murder I wish I hadn't said that thing, done that thing. Oh, God, it can be rough sometimes, right? When we look back at earlier versions of us, and sometimes that's like an earlier version of us from 20 years ago, sometimes it's from 20 months ago, or 20 days ago, or 20 weeks ago, sometimes it's like 20 minutes ago, you're like, oh my god, what was I thinking? Why did I open my big mouth and say that? Or why didn't I? You know, consider making a different choice. Why did I do that? Right? Or sometimes we'll be like, Why didn't I do that? Now I did a whole episode. I can't remember how long ago years, at least a year, maybe two years ago because you guys can you believe it. This is my fifth year or rolling into my fifth year of podcasting. So things get a little squirrely upstairs. I can't remember exactly when I did particular episodes. But there was one episode that I did all about regret, all about regret. And so that's a wicked good one. If you're somebody who is dealing with some regret, that might be helpful, that might be a little calming and soothing to your nervous system. And it might give you some good resources or new ways of looking at stuff. And that's really what this show is all about. Right? I'm always trying to create a resource that is free for people. Because not everybody can afford to work with me. And I still want to be spreading love in the world. And I want to be helping both humans and animals to end suffering. So this show is one of the ways that I do it. And so I always try to have not only some some entertainment, like telling some good stories and stuff like that, but also breaking down why I'm telling that story, what the spiritual implications or resources and tools are, and also the, you know, all the tools of all the stuff that I'm certified in, right. So my background is so varied between everything between, you know, spiritual mentoring, to hypnosis, to being a yoga teacher to being a gateless riding instructor, being a life coach being an integrative change, work, a Thai Yoga massage, right? I pull kind of like all the all the stuff of my life, being a storyteller, being a speaker, being a writer being a podcast host, right. So I just kind of pull from all the different internal resources that I have. And then also external stuff, and I like to share with all of you. So first of all, thank you so much for listening. Now, today I'm gonna talk about, it's kind of in line with that regret thing, but it's called Healing past mistakes. I want to talk about healing past mistakes, because sometimes if we're not careful, we kind of get into this loop, where we just beat ourselves up. Right? We we, it can be so it can be so depressing in so many ways, when we insist on just being wicked, wicked, wicked, wicked, hard on ourselves. Now, I really do believe that it is important to take a look at who we've been, how we've been, how we're being. I do think it's important as I as I call it, looking in the soul mirror from time to time. But it doesn't really do us any good to just stay in that cycle of I'm a piece of shit. Why didn't I do that? You know, that guilt cycle, that kind of guilt and regret. And when we stay stuck there, if we don't do something about it, we end up in shame, we end up in misery. And I just don't think that that's actually helpful for anybody. So I want to talk about this and I want to talk about it kind of from a point of view of a spiritual perspective, because here's what starts to happen. Let's say it's a brand new year right? 2024 And it's like, Alright, I'm gonna get my shit together. I'm gonna start doing this, I'm gonna start doing that, I'm gonna stop maybe having a DSP, a little daily spiritual practice, maybe start a little meditation or journaling or contemplation or whatever prayer prayer work however you however you do that. But here's the thing that we sometimes don't get told. As your spiritual awareness, as your Self Realization as your self, and I'm talking about small s right now, and I'll explain what I mean between the small s self and the capital S self. Okay, so the small s self is like your personality, that's like the ego personality, that's your patterns, that's your behaviors, that's your identity that got created here, and the human form and all that that's small s, self, capital, and I'm making a big S in the air with my hands. Capital S self, is what we talk about in spiritual traditions. Right. And it's also sometimes talked about in psychotherapy, and different things like that. But the capital S self, to me is who you are, is one of God's kids, right? Who you are as the perfect, the perfect love that you are the part of you that is not bound by this human body that is not bound by all of your history, and your trauma, and your drama, and all the shit all the shit that your little s self gets you into. So your capital S self is not the fragmented self with all the different parts of your personality. This is your whole self, right? I would also call it your holy self. Okay. So here's the thing, when we're doing self realisation work, we're talking about that capital as self, were trying to remember that True Self that is whole and happy and healthy, and holy, right? Like that self. But what happens is when we start to do spiritual work, even though the aim is to remember who we truly are, remember to whom we truly belong. Along the way, what we're actually dealing with is the small s self. So as we start to do spiritual awareness work, and as we start to wake up a little bit more, and we start to see ourselves a little bit more clearly, what can happen is, all of a sudden, we slow down, right? Because this is kind of what what spiritual practices require of us is that we slow the fog down, right? We take a beat, we slow down, we take a few good deep breaths, we help our nervous system regulate a little bit, we start to get more in touch. We remember ourselves, we come back into wholeness, but what happens is, is we're kind of perusing right eye history, we're starting to slow down, some things might swim into our field of vision, right? This is what my my meditation teacher, a schwa, and used to say that past mistakes will like swim into your vision. And when that happens, if we do not have some inner stabilizers in place, if we do not have some spiritual tools in your toolkit, if you do not have some resources, if you do not have some, you know, self hypnosis techniques, or anti anxiety, anti anxiety, anti anxiety tools, etc. If we don't have those things, these ways to regulate our nervous system, what will happen is, is when those past visions dawn on us, when all of a sudden we're like, oh, shit, I was not a nice person. I was wicked selfish, because remember, when I was saying, when we look back on our 2023, you know, when we kind of look back, we and we notice the places where we blew it, the places where we were impatient, the place maybe, where we weren't in alignment, we weren't being congruent, that we kind of acted like a deck, you know, those times when you're like, Ah, I was hangry. And I didn't have any patience, and I was short with somebody or whatever. What can happen is if we don't have any tools in place, any resources if we're not able to resource ourselves, when we become aware of our past mistakes, they can become all consuming. Right? It's like that record that skipping or that that you know, you know, when you have your songs on loop,

Karen Kenney:

when you're out for a run, and they'll just keep playing and playing and playing if you've ever had an obsessive thought, if something ever happened, like somebody said something to you or did something to you, and you were enraged by it. You start to feel that righteous anger and you keep playing it and playing in your head. Oh, man, that is not good because we can become consumed. When we're doing this to ourselves about our own past actions, choices, words, behaviors, whatever, we can become consumed with guilt. We can can become consumed with regret. And at times like that when we are kind of getting sucked under the undertow of our own self loathing the undertow of our own self hatred, right? When we are not able to practice compassion and kindness for ourselves, it can be really, really, really wicked hard, because we will sit around. And we will replay the video in our mind, we will replay the words that we said that we wish we didn't say, we will take all of our attention, and we will focus on the ways that we blew it. And the ways that we just screwed it up, you know what I mean? And we can the mind can become the ego mind can become fixated on dwelling on a problem dwelling on you know, what we did, or what we said or what we didn't do, and we want to analyze it, we want to break it down. It's like all this attention, all this energy, this is not loving energy. This is the egos desire, because this is one of its number one jobs, that little ego, a little facet of an ego. It loves to keep you guilty, it loves to keep you wrong, it loves to keep you sick, it loves to keep you obsessed in a negative way. And really what it's trying to do is it's trying to keep you separate. It's trying to keep you from being I would say reunited and reunited and it feels so good. So that little facet of an ego does not want you to remember your capital S self. It doesn't want you to remember your goodness, your wholeness, Your Holiness, it wants to keep perpetuating, right, this vision of you this idea of you this identity of you as a screw up as a fuckup as somebody who's fill in the blank, always late always blows it blow not smart enough, not good enough, not whatever enough. There's no winning, there's no winning with that little ego, the ego will either try to make you special through being superior. Right? It will tell you some story about how you're better than everybody else, or will try to make you special by being inferior. Like you have. It's so bad and you're so special through your shittiness you know, neither one of those is fun. Nobody wants to hang out. Nobody wants to hang out neither one of those right? Alright, so here's the deal. If we find ourselves dwelling on past mistakes, how do we heal them? You might be wondering, like, what can I do to help myself get off that obsessive track? Now one of the things and I've told this story before on here, and it's not necessarily my story, but I can't, you know, I can dig in, I can dig into the old backpack of stories and probably tell you one of my own, but this is something that is Shuar and says my teacher, again, my teacher sworn, I mean, he's dead. He's not around. He's been dead for a long time. But he lives on he lives on in my heart and through his, his books and all that stuff. Okay, this is one thing that he says that can be very consoling, and I love this little story. I'm going to read it to you his exact words, because I think it's so funny. But here's the thing, okay, let's say you did something wrong. Let me just set a scenario, okay, let's say, set the scene. So let's say you did something wrong to somebody can, you are not at your best self. And you know that you've hurt them. Because that's, again, remember, that's one of the things when you start to do spiritual work, when you start to do personal development work, when you start to take a look at your mindset and how you how and who you've been, right, you might start to discover that there are some things that you did and some people that you're hurt. And you're not always going to be able to say you're sorry to them, you're not always going to be able to apologize, and you're not always going to be able to make amends in the way that you might want to. It's unfortunate Now, if you're able to do that, we'll talk about that in a little bit. But let's start here, let's just say because this can be something that really troubles a lot of people and I always hear when people talk about this they often lead with the people that you can still talk to or make amends with the people who actually do want to forgive you and stuff like that. But let's flip this around. Let's keep it interesting and let's start with the people maybe who for whatever reason, you can't go back to them. You can't make it right and I love this little example that asuran gives so I'm just gonna read it directly here. He says if when you were in Milwaukee even just even just the fact that you choose chose Milwaukee just cracks me up okay if when wasn't wasn't wait was it Laverne and Shirley supposedly set in Milwaukee and my my point out of my ass and making that up, somebody loyal listener, some loyal listener, will you send me a little Note and let me know. Okay, if when you were in Milwaukee, you happen to say something insulting about your girlfriend's dog. Why would you ever want to say something insulting about somebody's dog? Okay, but let's say you did, he says, it's not necessary to go to Milwaukee and find your old girlfriend or her dog to make amends. He says, Now listen to this, like, like dial in now, because he is the solution. This is the solution, right? He says this, every dog you treat with kindness will be a proxy for that dog. So in human terms, right, if you have treated a particular person badly, even if you can no longer win that person's forgiveness, you can still win the forgiveness of yourself, of the lord of love within, he says, by bearing with others who treat you badly. Now, I want to put an asterisk here, he's not talking about staying in a abusive relationship. He's not saying like, hanging out with people who treat you like shit. I think what he's implying here is that there will be times when other people maybe are impatient with you, or maybe a little, a little quick to judgment with you or whatever. And what he's saying is you bear up you bear with the people who maybe are gonna give you a hard time, right part of that is by not lashing out and not whatever. He says, okay? If you can no longer win that person's forgiveness, you can still win the forgiveness of yourself by bearing with those who may treat you badly. And again, badly with a big, big, you know, asterik there, and doing your best never to treat anyone else badly again. And that, to me, is the crux of this, okay, you screw up, you do something wrong. Let's say that person doesn't want to hear from you, again, doesn't want you to or doesn't want to hear your apology doesn't want your bullshit, right? They're over you. They're done. They're like, beat it. And you're walking around, because you're like, I need to say I'm sorry, I need it. Well, if it's not possible to do it with that human or that animal or that situation, what you do is you choose to take that, take that energy. And I would say this is the work of transforming it from fear to love, right? You take that shame, you take that guilt, you take that regret. And the way that we kind of polish it, the way that we kind of smooth off that rough edge is going forward, you are kind to other animals, you are kind to other humans, you own your shit from that day forward, right? Like you make amends and you apologize to all the other people you become of service, because you might not be able to heal it with that one individual being. But you can change yourself, you can get rid of that guilt in that regret. I mean, there's a whole process you can do about like really owning it. But we're gonna get into that I'm going to do a whole other episode on how to actually do a good apology. Because most people suck at apologies. And some people don't even like to apologize, right? And a lot of times you're like what, like what would cost you like, why won't you just apologize and own what you did? Right. So I'm gonna do a whole other episode on apologies. And I think I'll do a whole other episode on forgiveness as well. But I just want to stick here about healing some of these past mistakes. Okay. I love what

Karen Kenney:

Ashwagandha is saying here, because it's also really in alignment with one of my favorite sayings. You guys have heard me talk about St. Francis of Assisi, St. Francis of Assisi was just the ball's he was the patron saint of animals and the environment. And he was a really humble man. And one of his lines in his famous prayer, it says it's in pardoning that we are pardoned, right, it's basically saying, it's in forgiving of this, that we are forgiving, like we are getting forgiven, right, it's in forgiving others that we are forgiven. And so there's something very powerful about being able to do that. And asuran also says this, he says, Whatever we've done, we can always make amends for it without ever looking backwards in guilt or sorrow. Now, I want to be clear here, it doesn't mean you don't do the initial look back we have to do that. That's part of spiritual maturity. That's part of personal development work. That's part of spiritual work, is you slow down, you take as they say, in 12 Step programs, a fearless moral inventory. And you look at the places where you blew it. You do look back, but what you don't do is just stay in that cycle of guilt and shame and, you know, regret and all that stuff that that doesn't help anybody. It certainly doesn't help you. But if you're stuck in that cycle of looking back and making yourself wrong and all that stuff, then you're not getting busy fixing shit and moving forward, you are not in the business of transforming and getting it right moving ahead. And that's where the real work is. So, you know, when people will say like, okay, you know, so how do I do this? How do I actually make amends for, you know, or basically, how do I not look back and dwell on all this stuff? Okay. Number one, you can't fix something that you don't I talk about this with my clients, right? I have the four steps, the four steps to lasting change, or creating lasting change. And the very first thing is to have awareness, you gotta have awareness, you got to be awake enough and paying attention enough to notice that you did something wrong. And I think so many people why they actually make a mistake in the first place? Why they're like when their mouth gets ahead of them, or their actions, like they get triggered, and they react out of fear, rather than responding and actually making a choice out of love. It's because they're moving too damn fast. So number one is we just want to slow down because it's in the slowing down that we can actually recognize, like, oh, I blew that like, oh, yeah, I was insensitive, I was impatient. I was stingy with my love, I was harsh with my words, whatever. So slowing down is a really big one. And then paying attention and noticing. Notice how you've been showing up, notice how you've been speaking to others in yourself, right? You always hear me say that paying attention is one of the great ways that we show love. And without attention. Without attention, we cannot make amends. We cannot, we cannot release ourselves from past regret and past mistakes, because you don't even know you made them. You don't even know who made them. You could have a bunch of people that you've just left in your wake of destruction, right? So we slow down, we pay attention. And then we get busy doing the damn work. Right? You got to do the work. And that means doing right doing a DSP having a daily spiritual practice. And whatever that looks like for you. I know I've done I know, I've done I talked about having a DSP, a daily spiritual practice all the time. And this is the whole point of all the different disciplines, right, whether it's meditation, or prayer, or contemplation, or yoga, or breathwork, and all these different things that we can do. We're really trying to gradually become aware of Oh my God, to give us the wisdom, and the clarity, to see ourselves clearly. So that we can see maybe the places where we screwed up, or blew it or fucked up or like, just like rare, we didn't learn, we just really made a mistake, right? That's number one. But then it is through these practices of slowing down of forgiveness of seeing ourselves as choosing love instead of fear, that will start to be able to gather not only the tools, and the skill sets, but also like the, the inner desire and will the tenacity of spirit, to then do the work of making the amends of saying you're sorry, of doing what's next. And that's why I want to kind of like talk about this here. Because in that episode that I did on regret, and regret can only stay alive if you don't take any action, right? Regret only happens if you don't try to do anything about doing it differently next time, or with the next person, or moving forward. Okay. And so, in my episode on regret, I remember I remember talking about this quote, and it says, And we I, to this day, I cannot find out who the initial person was that said it. It's kind of like an anonymous quote. But so here's the thing, and I'm paraphrasing it. This is what I said on that show. Regret is paying too much attention to the mistakes that you made while you were still learning. I'll repeat that regret is paying too much attention to the mistakes that you made while you were still learning. Now look, this doesn't give us a clear pass, right to just like pass, right? Just pass go collect the 200 Plus, right? It's not that right? We are all we're always still learning. But this is only applicable when we say like we recognize we made the mistakes, and then we do something about it. But you don't want to sit around in your shitty diaper feeling sorry for yourself because you made some mistakes, and then you don't want to obsess over it if you want to feel differently if you actually want to heal it right? This is when the change work comes in. And this is where I'm really fascinated by, I don't love. I don't love everything. 12 Step people don't get mad at me. I don't love everything about AAA, that's a different story for another day or 12 Step programs in general, there's some things that I'm not a fan of. But here's what I do really like he has one pot, I do really like. So if you're not familiar with like AAA, Na, all these different things, I was never in AAA or anything like that I did go to its sister program, Al Anon, which can be wicked helpful. I mean, if you're somebody who has a friend, a loved one, a family member, whatever, who's an alcoholic, and you're kind of caught up in that codependency of that, of that situation, and you find your own behaviors, like you're starting to feel a little crazy. I think that allanon can be such a powerful, powerful, powerful tool for people, and a community for people and a great way to get help. So that's my little plug for that. But here's what I will say that I like about about in the 12 step program, Step eight, and Step nine, in particular, I think are wicked good. Now, if you're not aware of the different 12 steps, I'll just tell you, I'm not going to read all the steps, but I am going to tell you about step eight. So here's what you do. In Step eight, you make a list of all the people you harmed. And here's the kicker, you become willing, and I love this language, you become willing to make amends to them all. You want to talk about some humbling work. But this is the pathway to freedom. And you don't have to be an A like I literally think this is just straight up good human advice, right? Like I think in the Jewish tradition, you have Yampa, Korea, Yom Kippur, you have the Day of Atonement, right? The day of immense when you like, kind of look back. And of course in miracles, we talk about the atonement, right? We talk about these different things it's about and this you don't even have to you don't have to have. I mean, I'm assuming if you listen to the show, you lean in the spiritual direction. But even if you don't, right, even if you don't, these are really great pieces of advice, right? To atone for the things that we did like to make amends to apologize in a really deep way. Okay, so that's step eight, you make a list of all the people you harmed, and then you become willing you become willing to make amends to them all. Like, that's powerful. And it's humbling as fuck that is the that is some humbling work to this is what I call looking in the soul mirror, right? This is that fearless moral inventory, like looking at yourself and saying, like, ah, yeah, remember the key of this whole episode, we're not staying stuck in that loop of shitty diaper. We're talking about the ways to get ourselves out of that I am a problem solving, right is A Course in Miracles, it talks about having your problem, this is a part of your problem solving repertoire. And that's what I think of my work. My work is part of humans, right? The people who work with me, this stuff all becomes part of your problem solving repertoire. Okay, now, here's step nine. Step nine says to make direct amends to such people wherever possible.

Karen Kenney:

Except then this is wicked important pay attention, except when to do so would injure them or others. Okay, these are important step eight, you make that list you become a willing to make amends to them. And then step nine is you make direct amends, that means you find the people and you make your amends. Except, except is if if you're gonna do it, if you're doing it will cause harm or injury to them or others. Because in this is what I love about it. When we're trying to get over our regret, aka healing past mistakes, right? When we are trying to kind of renew who we are when we're trying to recover a sense of self capital S self. When we're trying to reconcile our humanity and our clumsiness and our trespasses, right, all the things that we do to each other. This is a gradual process. This stuff takes time, you know, that's why I don't make big ass promises. In the work that I do with people, meaning I'm not like, Hey, do this for three months and healed, right? Like you're healed like, No, I know the amount of time and energy and effort it took to getting people into their screwed up situations, right. I know it takes time to dissolve old patterns, old habits, old identities, old stories that you tell old ways of being. What I can say is, as they say in these kinds of programs, it works if you work it if you do the work. I am telling you if you do the work, it works. X. And it's a process, and you've got to be willing to commit to it. And even this, this right here is a process. Because a lot of people, and we'll talk about this when we talk about when I do my episode on apologies. So many people just like to say I'm sorry. Right? But this what I'm talking about how we heal from past mistakes. It's more than just words, this is this is like change behaviors. This is change behaviors. So when you think about this, right, like, you know, how do you free yourself from the prison of your own self loathing? I'm just ruminating on all your past mistakes. How do you heal it? Step one, you recognize you did something wrong. And then you go back. And like I said, I'll dive more into this when we get into apologies. But you want to think of this as to us more than just your words, you want your actions to demonstrate your new way of being, you don't want it to just be fluff. And look, some people will, again, won't be willing to accept your apology, they won't be willing to accept you saying, Hey, I'm recognizing I did this, they might not want nothing to do with you. And if somebody doesn't want anything to do with you, and you try, your worse, your goodness, your love ability, based on whether or not they extend their forgiveness to you, you're screwed. Because we can't control other people. We can't control whether or not they forgive you or don't forgive you, if they want to hear you out, they don't want to hear you out. And here's another thing, sometimes you might have done something wrong, and that person is now dead, or living somewhere else, and you have no way of contacting them. And if you're not careful, man, that shit, if you just keep playing that track in your head, it eats away at you slowly. So it's like, it's like death by 1000 paper cuts. It's like, you know, and Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds and the birds are just like packing, packing, packing, packing, packing, you know, whenever I see crows. And of course, it makes me so sad to see any dead animal. But when I see you know, crows on the side of the road, like pecking at something, I'm always just like, oh, that's how it feels. Sometimes when your mind when you don't have any tools to quiet your mind. To when you don't have any internal stabilizes, it can feel like you're just getting pecked to death by your ego, and your guilt and your regret and your shame. And we can do a whole other episode on shame as well. But here's the thing, you want your actions to demonstrate, right? Whether you can say these things, whether you can say the words I'm sorry, and do a good apology to somebody or not. Sometimes you can't take it back and is what it is. But what you can do to absolve yourself, what you can do to heal that past mistake is to be different moving forward. So that what you do and what you say are congruent, then you can move in like a positive general direction of healing by taking intentional steps to do better next time, to be kinder next time to be of service to others. That's how we slowly heal that wound. You know. And, you know, it's important to remember that most people, most people are really good people. They just happen to have made some bad decisions. They happen to have got caught up in some way somehow. And they made some bad choices that did not reflect who they truly are. The essence of who they truly are that capital S self. So our little s self, that little small ego Basset is always tripping us up, it's always getting in the way. But those things tend to happen less often. If we can help our nervous system, get calm enough to slow down enough that we can sit with the consequences of being ourselves and then do something about it. Because you can control you might not be able to control whether a person is alive or dead. They'll hear your apology or not. They want to they want to rekindle and heal the relationship or they don't We don't have any say over that a lot of the times but we can control ourselves. We can control our own ruminating on past mistakes and we can control what we're going to do about it moving forward to heal those past mistakes. So you guys I hope that this was helpful in some way. Right? I hope it was helpful in some way. And remember what assurance eggs I think that this is really important. He says you might not a be able right to win a person's forgiveness but you can still win Forgiveness of yourself. And we can dive more into this in another episode. But that's really important. Right? acknowledging your own self worth that you just made, you're not a bad person, you just made a bad mistake, you made a bad choice. And you probably did it out of your own. You know, trauma, your own drama, your own moving too fast, or whatever it is. But we got to own that part. We don't get to sweep it under the rug. This is what mature spiritually mature people do emotionally mature people do. People who have, you know, their big three their core values in place. Right? I always say what do I always say, you guys, you gotta own both your brilliance and your bullshit. And owning your bullshit doesn't have to be. You know, it's so interesting. I think a lot of people don't want to have to look at that because their egos feel so threatened. their egos feel so fragile. We are all works in progress. None of us are getting it 100% Right every single day. So having tools to heal past mistakes, to make amends to do these things are so vitally important in our relationships and our problem solving repertoires. That's a good that's a good podcast episode two problem solving repertoires. All right, you guys. So I hope that this was helpful in some way. Did you notice the new artwork yet? I'm so excited. We have new artwork. We have a new intro and a new outro I want to thank my sweetie Chris Lester, for doing that. For me. Doing that the music I mean, the intro and the outro The artwork was the artwork I did myself, I got a little feedback from my friends Katie and Emmeline. So thank you to them as well. And you guys, I have a lot going on in 2024. Okay, so if you miss the last couple of episodes where I was talking about IBS, irritable bowel syndrome, I now offer a gentle hypnosis, gentle and effective hypnosis protocol for helping people with irritable bowel syndrome. Go listen to those episodes, one in five people have it. So I know a bunch of you who are listening right now somebody and it might even be you. It might be you right now who's hearing my voice it is like oh my god, me I have digestive distress. I think I have this digestive disorder, you might know because you might be officially diagnosed or you might suspect. And if you are somebody who has been diagnosed with IBS, and you know that you have irritable bowel syndrome, then and you're looking for ways to help yourself. This can be this is a really powerful protocol. So I'm doing that. I'm also I have space right now for a couple of one to one clients spiritual mentoring, life coaching hypnosis, right, I roll that all together in the quest. And the quest is now actually a month longer. It's a four month program now. And it's like $1,000 cheaper than it used to be. So it's like now's the perfect time, if that's something you've been thinking about doing to do. And then I also have a hat to hack day, which is you can do some spiritual mentoring with me just over Voxer if you don't know what Vox is, it's a little voice and messaging app, I'm

Karen Kenney:

wiggling my phone and waggling my phone, you guys. So you don't even have to get on a video call. It's like having a coach in your pocket. And all that stuff. All these things you can find on my website, Karen kenny.com. And if you're interested in IBS is just Karen kenny.com/ibs. If you're interested in the quest, it's just Karen kenny.com/quest. And if you're interested in the hot to hot day, it's just Karen kenny.com. I'm pretty sure it's just hot, too hot. And you can just find and if you just go to you'll find it on the work with me page. Just go to Karen kenny.com Work with me and they're all right there. Alright, you guys, thank you for tuning in. I appreciate you. I hope your new year like I said is off to a good start. And I'm really excited to spend 2024 with you. And we're going to have some some fun guests. You know, occasional guests, and I'm just going to keep trying to spread some love in the world. So thank you for being here. And if you know somebody who could benefit from listening to this show or this episode, please please please help me to spread the love and the good word by sharing it with them. Thanks so much wherever you go. Leave yourself leave the place, leave the animals leave the planet leave the environment right better, just better than how you found it wherever you go. May you be a blessing. Bye