Helpers Need Help Too | James Boomhower

Deana Brown Mitchell: Hello, everyone, it's Deana at the Realize Foundation. And today I'm here with James Boomhower. Better known as Boomer, apparently that, you know, all of his friends and colleagues call him that. So, James welcome. And I'm excited. Some of you may know James, he wrote in our first Scars to Stars book. And he also was, has been an integral part of helping me start this foundation in the first place and helping me understand some things about the suicide world and the things that maybe I wasn't privy to in the beginning. And so James has been a really big asset to us as we got started and has been on our board for a long time. So, James, I want you to introduce yourself and tell people about your experience in the first responder world because you can do it way better than me.

Oh, well, thank you so much for having me. And I really appreciate it. As she said, my name is James Boomhower, better known as Boomer in first responder community, I have been in EMS for just shy of 20 years, been a paramedic for 18 of those years, they've done just about every facet of pre hospital, emergency medicine, you can do commercial, private, fire based, I've currently spent the last nine years of my life as a critical care transport specialist for Boston, Medflight, and Boston, Massachusetts. Most Currently, I am wrapping up a graduate degree in clinical psychology to become a licensed mental health counselor. The idea of creating state fit for duty really revolves around the idea of first responders, helping first responders, and really building that bridge of cultural competence, from the responder community, to the mental health community, and ensuring that we can best support one another, and best vet some of the resources that we can utilize when we need more advanced.

Deana Brown Mitchell: That's great. He that wealth of information. And I think it's so important to know, like, I remember one time I called you and I was like James, is it okay to ask people if they're suicidal? Because there's a lot of controversy about that, or at least that I was seeing when I first started the realize foundation? So would you talk a little bit? I mean, I know, I know the answer, but I want people to hear from you.

Absolutely. And, Deana, you're absolutely right. That question remains controversial. In some circles, if I'm being honest, the answer is yes. It is always okay to ask someone that you're concerned about. If they're having thoughts of self harm, suicide, or any form of self injury, the old thought process used to be that if I asked someone if they're thinking about dying by suicide, or have a plan, that I'm going to put the idea in their head, we know that's just not true. And when we look at the risk stratification of me asking versus me not asking, if I ask, I know I'm not going to put the idea in someone's head, I'm not going to take someone who wasn't suicidal or wasn't thinking about harming themselves and push them to being suicidal or thinking about harming themselves. I may get an honest answer from that person, and be able to bridge them to some help. So it is absolutely a net positive. always asked, if you're concerned, a friend is thinking about or acting as though they want to perform some self injurious behavior or think will die by suicide.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Thank you, I think it's important for people to hear that from someone who has as much experience as you because you know, I, I have lived experience and I have a lot of research but I don't have the psychology degree and I'm not a counselor, I'm not a medical person in any way. So it's good to hear that from someone of your stature because it goes a long way. So thank you. I also want to ask you about what you're doing now. Specifically with Fe fit for duty. And also your new found you know, working on your masters and what your what that looks like. So whichever one you want to talk about first.

The is the answer. Yeah. So what stay tuned for duty is doing right now. It's we're doing a handful of things. We are presenting all across the country, primarily to aviation and health care and first responder communities about the importance of recognizing mental health within the workplace and talking about This idea of resilience, resistance and how can I stay strong and keep myself Kaler in tip top shape. So I'm not affected by what I see every day. And then much more realistically, when I am inevitably affected by what I see every day, how can I build and foster my resilience, which will help me bounce back from that adverts experience. Stay fit for duty also works to help create your support platforms. I'm incredibly fortunate. I'm just starting to work with a Peer Support Platform out west and help a hams and Critical Care Transport Agency create their first year support team, which is very cool, I'm elated to have the opportunity to do that. Finally, we are I CISF, which is the International critical incident stress foundation instructor. So I also post in put forth some of the trainings that you need to become a peer supporter in this space. On the masters and grad school side of the coin, I am completing my graduate degree in clinical psychology. And what that means right now is a whole lot of school and a lot of internships. I am a graduate clinical concern with a psychiatry practice out in Massachusetts, where I do a combination of telehealth sessions and in person sessions under clinical supervision.

Deana Brown Mitchell: So listen, I'm so excited for everything that's happening for you. Yeah, and I also want to say that, you know, for those of you listening that may not know what the realized foundation is, but you know, Boomer, I want you to understand what we do, and that is that we publish books with people's stories, and they're called scars to stars, and we've had three best selling books, we've had 54 stories and our inquiry books. And the purpose of the story is to let people know they're not alone, to let people know that someone else has struggled with something they might be going through, and that it's okay to talk about it. And that's what our community is all about is how do we how do we talk about these hard conversations around mental health and suicide, whether it's someone who is having to recital ideation, or whether maybe it's somebody who's lost someone to suicide, you know, anything surrounding that issue, is what we talk about in a way where we can support each other. And it's a great community, it's a, it's a great place to come if you're wanting to tell a story as well, if you want to if you're interested in writing in one of our books, you can go to our website and apply. You can go there and learn more about our books that are already published, you can apply to tell your own story, you can see videos, you could see our whole YouTube channel with all our podcast episodes. But we also have an official podcast, it's audio only that you can find anywhere you listen to podcast. So I just wanted to kind of give people a little overview. And we are planning a fourth anniversary zoom call. It's just for fun, on March 30. And you can find that on our social media anywhere, or I need to add it to our website. I'll get that done today. But yeah, we're looking forward to having some trivia and some prizes and just some fun around hearing from people who've been involved in what they've taken away from, from what we're doing. But James, maybe you could talk about your perspective of what we're doing. And like what you've seen since you've been involved or what resonates with you.

Absolutely. First and foremost, the realized foundation community is awesome. We're talking about a book now that is four years old. And if the book is four years old, that means we've been working on it for five years, right? So the number of connections that I made and friends that I have and people that I still communicate with, solely from working with the realized foundation, you what I like most about the realize foundation is we give people an opportunity to share their story. Right? We have paramedics, firefighters, EMTs, medical helicopter providers, we have all these people in this what is otherwise considered to be an underrepresented space in the golf community. And they can share their story and one such stories in print, then we can look and say okay, read the story. Look at the story here is someone who was able to tell that story, who was able to put it in print, was able to share it with a larger community. And the hope is that that makes people in similar spaces feel less alone, where maybe someone will say wow, like these fancy health care providers, right. All So experience stress and trauma and fatigue and depression and suicidal thoughts. If they can do it, I feel way less alone or isolated and how I, one of the things I like most about the first edition of stars, the stars that was just echoed through subsequent volumes was a variety of the story. Right? We had a business, we had a mom, we had someone talking about loss in pregnancy, and a first responder, right, we had all of these individuals to really cover this breadth of information. So it wasn't just a whole bunch of firefighters and paramedics tell their stories are a whole bunch of entrepreneurs sharing their stories. It really harkens to how human and experience it is to feel this way into experience, the Strava, and where to go to get help? And what help work work. Ooh, and how does that I'll look at the end of the day.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Yes, absolutely. It's true, because I think sometimes people get the idea that all everything we do, and all of our stories and books are all about suicide. And that's not necessarily true. There is a lot of those stories. But I think that the bigger picture for me is what are the struggles that people are going through that get them to suicidal ideation? What are those stories of abuse, addiction, you know, financial stress, all of these other things that that start you down that road? And how can we address that and fix it before you get there. So that that's a really big deal for me, because if we wait until people are in the stage of suicidal ideation, it's harder to help them, it's harder to help them get to a better place, if we help them with, you know, like, I go out and have too many drinks every night. If we can start there, then maybe they don't even get to that point. So that that's really the bigger picture for me.

Absolutely, you know, I working in the space that I work in, I make a million metaphors on mental health to medical health and physical health, because they're much easier to see. And many of us have shared those experiences. And if I can tie those together, I think it's easier for some people conceptualize, it's no different than saying if I go to my primary care doctor, or if I eat right and exercise, I'm less likely to need an emergency department. So if I'm proactive with my mental health, if I start to recognize when things are a little shaky, and I'm in need of a little bit of work, I might not need to call a crisis slide three in the morning. And I love crisis lines, crisis lines in peer support are where I got my start in the mental health space. But they're a band aid right there. They're a temporary solution to a bigger problem. And we need them. They're imperative they keep us safe, no different than ambulances and emergency departments, right? ambulances and emergency departments cannot be the crux of health care. But they're absolutely there and do very well when you're in an emergency. So I completely agree with the idea of helping us zoom out and say you can get support. Now you can get support when you don't feel like you need support. On a perfect world. I want every human to have a primary care doctor, a dentist, and a mental health professional, right? And I'm stealing that from a friend of mine. Because perfect, right? Imagine you wake up, you get your job. They're like, Okay, welcome to work, here's your primary care, your dentist in German go health professional, it takes so much of the cognitive load off of trying to find that support when you're in crisis, or you do desperately need it. And now you have what seems like this tremendously daunting task ahead of you, of now having to get the ball rolling and starting to find

Deana Brown Mitchell: That's a really good analogy, because we all need support in our lives, whether it's support at work or support at home, or, like you said in the in the medical community, for our health, enter health and our mental health should just be helped. I mean, I don't I don't understand why we have to separate our brain from the rest of our body, right? We just need support for our health in general. And, you know, our brain is a miraculous thing. And we just need to take care of it. And when we're, when we are going through an addiction or abuse or a some kind of trauma, it is hard for us to take care of our brain in the way that we're supposed to or the way we need to to help us, you know, be okay. And so I like that, you know, in the first book, your chapter, I think the title was halberds can't need help was or do I need help? Yep. Okay. So what Do you talk about why why you wrote that? Like, because you were really passionate about it at the beginning, and you used to talk a lot about that. And now I think you're, you've surpassed that into a deeper conversation. But I want you to talk about that for a minute.

Absolutely. I reference a single story. And I think what is so important to recognize is, there were probably 100 stories before that Dino's earlier point that I just didn't recognize, right, or thought was something else, or thought it was just me being new, or what have you. The story starts when I already had about 1012 years in the profession. So it was not new by any stretch of the imagination. But I was new to the role of critical care transport provider in really new in this space of having a completely different obligation and responsibility to my patients and the teams that I work alongside that I had a call go terribly, and it was no fault of my own. I was definitely disappointed by my reactivity, the event, I would have loved to have sprang into action sooner, and I would have loved if the call could have ended differently. But I was deeply affected by watching the real time death of another human. And being helpless. In that moment, there were plenty of things that I could do to try to temporize the situation. But I was not capable of the solution. We were not in operating room, we were not the definitive care that this individual needed. And watching that deaths in real time with a family that was grieving in real time was really, really impactful. And I struggled for quite some time with this idea of maintaining this bravado of this really strong machismo paramedic, that doing nothing and was really there and fancy and my team had asked if I was okay, but I was very new, and God forbid, right, I didn't want to show them that I had any weakness. So I said, yeah, yeah, I'm behind, I'm fine. I'm fine. I went home, and I drank my face off. And I woke up passed out in the same flightsuit that I was treating patients in eight hours before. The idea of that that was in some way shape, or form an appropriate response to the trauma that I'd seen and a continued appropriate response, right, I'd be lying if I said, that was the first time I'd ever gone down that path. I was a learned behavior, right? Bad colleague was whiskey, and all this and that and how really dramatic it was, and how I realized that my options were continued on this path, and have a much shorter career and likely armed myself in some way, shape, or form. Or do the infinitely scarier thing of asking my lowest personal friends, my significant other and some professionals are help. And I realized that in getting the help, it was much easier for me to share my story. And as I shared my story, it was much easier for other members of the responder and healthcare providers space, it's a big umbrella. It was easier for them to say, Oh, I've been there. Hey, who are you talking to? How did you find that L. And it was much easier for me to heal, while simultaneously helping my brothers and sisters in this profession.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Thank you for sharing that. Because I think it's, you know, whether we're talking about the first responder community, or we're talking about professionals in the event world, or whatever we're talking about, it's hard for people to ask for help. It's hard for people to speak up about this kind of scenario we're talking about. And I think it's imperative that people understand that it's okay to ask for help and speak up. And that's why we're here to try to make it normal, that we have these conversations because we can't get the help we need or the support we need without speaking up. Right? The reason I'm so passionate about this, if you guys follow me at all, you know that I you know, I stayed totally silent about my suicide attempt for 23 years until I lost a friend. And then it became really real, that I should have spoken up and I should have made it normal to talk about because that's what people need. People need to know it's okay. And I never thought it was I was in a professional leadership role and I did not feel like it was okay for me to talk about. And in 2019 When I started talking about it, I think it was the weather next is fairly well received by everyone around me, I owned a business, I had employees and clients, and I was really nervous that I was going to lose, you know, I was going to lose business or I was going to lose employees because I was talking about suicide. And for the most part, it was the opposite reaction, there was a lot of support a lot of care. That came my way because I did speak up. And so I just want people to know, it's okay. You can call me, you can call James, you can talk to anybody in our community, you can come in our Facebook group, and just listen to what other people are saying. Whatever it is, that makes you comfortable enough to talk about whatever you're going through, you know, maybe you're not ready to write your story and be published on Amazon. But maybe you're ready to read some of the stories we have. So you can you can understand what other people have been through and how they've gotten through it. And so I just want to make sure that that message comes across in this podcast, because it's really important that people know, they're not alone. And there's hope. And there's, there's other people that have been there before you have even though it feels like you're in this situation all by yourself, and nobody could possibly understand. And I've been there. And I think James has been there. So I we understand that. But I just, you know, I don't know, I think that that message is the crux of what, why we do what we do.

Absolutely. And I couldn't agree more, you know, to clarify, I am not in the capacity of a crisis line, right? Please don't. There's no reach out at three in the morning in crisis, because I may not be available, right? There are other crisis lines available. And admittedly, I staff them sometimes. So you may connect to me in some way, shape or form. But to to ask the question, asked me anything about mental health asked me about the great therapists that I have and still have asked me about the therapists that weren't necessarily my speed, asked me about the therapist, I saw when my really good friend and coworker died by suicide, who was awful. Now, I'm gonna say awful to me, because I don't believe that person was awful to every human they interacted with, but really misaligned and it did a number on me, it really pushed me away from the mental health field for a little while, like, Reese asked those questions when I work in the mental health capacity. Now, as a clinical intern, I am as transparent as humanly possible with the process, right? Here's what it's gonna look like, here's what we're going to do. Here's what what might feel great, what might feel awful, this is all normal. Thinking is so important for us to work to demystify that. And it's often easiest to come to someone who isn't sitting across the couch from you as a mental health professional. But by all means, ask those questions, so we can help guide you at a minimum through our lived experience of the process.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Yeah, and I think that we do have some resources on our website, and stay fit for duty is one of them. There are some others that we're working on getting up there. The most common question I get is about teens. And I don't really feel like I am the expert on that. I don't have children that are teens. I don't you know, it's been a long time since I was a teen. So it's, it's, we have two wonderful organizations that I work with. And one is called bionic. It's an acronym for Believe it or not, I care. And it's Sandy Austin, and she was a school counselor in Colorado for years and years, and has started this program that she helps schools implement for kids to reach out to each other and be supportive to each other. It's really awesome. And the other one is the teen suicide prevention society, which they call teaspoons because it's tsps. So you can go to teaspoons.org, I think to get to them, or you can Google their name. And Katie Miller and her mom had that up. And they really do have a great process of questions just like James is talking about, of how to start a conversation with somebody even in a school. And it's not invasive, it's not aggressive. It's very, it's a very cool process that they give you to start a conversation about this. So I hope that you will look at both of them. If you have teens or you have a bullying situation in your family or something like that. It's a really good resource. But I don't know what do you have to add James?

No, I think this was great. I just want to remind people that it's okay to not be okay. And I think we started So like, conceptualize that during the COVID pandemic League, we really, it was really like shy than our face right about how fragile our mental health system is and how fragile our beliefs on mental health are. What is important for me to say is now that the pandemic is over, right, and I'm not here to start a big discussion on COVID, pneumonia or anything like that, not at all. Now that the chaos has ended, and we've kind of settled into what the world looks like now, now is when we start to process that trauma. Right, the very micro aspect, I asked you to think about a car accident, everyone here has either been in or seen a car accident. You see people like in this huge car accident, and they get out of the car, and they're walking around. And you're like, Oh, my God, sit down, like the ambulance is coming, you must be hurt, look at all this stuff that happen. And they say, No, I'm fine, I just have to go to work, I have to do this at you that we recognize that as early form shock, right. And this idea that like, I'm totally fine, even though my arm is broken. All of that is to say that when we are undergoing a ton of trauma, our brain essentially clicks into survival mode. And survival mode 300 years ago, and 3000 years ago, looks way different than survival mode today. I have to go to school, I have to get the kids on the bus, I have to do this, I have to make dinner I have to do that. We talked about this, especially with parents, and just this innate resilience of marriage is falling apart. But my kids asked to eat right, I have to come up with some way to feed them, I have to do this, I have to do that. Once the trauma goes away, again, not trying to make a big, political or you know, philosophical discussion on COVID. But once things normalize, our brain says, Okay, I think it's safe. Let me start to process this trauma. And what I want to do not only talking about COVID, but talking about responders and talking about people who wonder why when they started to talk about this trauma from 1015 20 years ago starts piling up. Because our brain truly does wait for that safe space, if you will, before it says okay, I can, I can let my foot off the gas a little bit. And I can start the process this trauma, that is not a sign of weakness, it is not a sign of profound institutionalized mental illness, it is you're really a trauma response of how our brain is processing or defragging all of the trauma that it's seen. So give yourself some grace, if it's 2024. And you're like, we talk about 2021. So that was awful. It doesn't make you abnormal or unusual or anything, just how your brain takes the time to process.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Yeah, that's a really good point. And 2020 was a very big processing near for me, because it was right after I started speaking up about my suicide attempts. And it was also after losing my friend in 2018. And I also lost my business that year, you know, so it was it, I can relate, as most people listening probably can, to that, that analogy of processing the pandemic, because, for me, it actually gave me the time to process things from before. But it also, you know, caused more more, but like piled up, you know, more on top. So I think it's really important that we do acknowledge it and process it. And don't wait 20 years, like I did, you know, to address it now. So you don't have to carry around that depression and anxiety and in all the things that go with it. It's really freeing, you know, people had told me and throughout my life, like you should journal and I was like, I don't have time for that. I'm too busy, you know. But in 2020, I started journaling, and that is really what started the healing process for me. And so somebody is in that place. Try it, see how it works for you. I also went to therapy for the first time and I don't know 23 years. And so it was It was eye opening. And sometimes I just I think just having someone listen, even if they didn't tell me what to do or what was wrong. Just having someone listen was a big deal. And whether it's whether it's a family member that's just being supportive and listening or whether it's a therapist depending on you know, your situation and what you need. But people people who We are close to someone struggling with mental health often asked me, How do I help them? And I, I do say like, just listen, just be there. Because that's they need to get it out of their head in their thoughts and words, and it helps, and I'm not a therapist, and you might have better advice. But that's, that's really, you know, to someone who is, you know, has a spouse or a child that's really struggling with mental health. And I think, you know, trying to make them talk about a certain subject or a certain event is not always the best thing, in my opinion. It's more about listening to what they're feeling and what they what they need, or what they want to talk about. Because I know when I didn't want to talk, and somebody was trying to make me, it just pushed me further away.

Yeah, absolutely, I would. I think that's great advice. And I think it's important to remember that with some rare exceptions in the mental health community, a vast majority of mental health professionals are here to listen, and to reflect into allowing you to come to your own solution. Right? I'm not going to be like, Deana, no, you're gonna do this, you're gonna do that, right. And again, there are some, some sects of them as a community that do that as their their form of therapy. And for some individuals, that works really well. But a vast majority of Schmelz will listen, reflect with you, and help you guide you to your own solution. And that process is a important to know is if you sit into a therapists office and say, Here's my story in 30 seconds, what's wrong with me? And how do I fix that, you're going to be disappointed with the results. If you know that you have those supports, they can be really helpful. And subpoenas point to family, family, friends, right social networks, these all uses. Resonance is a way more powerful than we give it credit for. Right? A quick check in, hey, it's been a minute I'm thinking of new text matters a lot more than we think. think all too often we say, I know James is going through a hard time I have to make him food, I have to drive to his house. I have to you know, be there with him when he eats. And I simply don't have four hours to take away from my family to devote to him. A text message, a phone call, I got really sick a handful of weeks ago, and a really good friend of mine sent me a GrubHub gift card. And I might as well bet on a silver platter. It was like I don't have to have that have to pay for it. Oh my god, this is amazing. So presence is really individualized and rarely needs to be as intensive and as time consuming as thinks that it needs.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Yeah, it's true. Just having someone there because, you know, there are a lot of people in the world to live alone. And just having someone there even if it's just to watch a movie or play cards or something, it really does help. So think about that. And the people in your life and who might need, who might need a text or a GrubHub gift card. Who knows. Well, thank you all for being here and listening. And I hope that you've learned something. And I hope you reach out to our community. We have a Facebook group called scars to stars live, and anyone can find it and asked to join. And you can also just check out our website, see what resources we have there that could help you or help someone in your life. So thank you so much for being here.

Thank you very much for having me. And if you'd like to know more about Stay Fit 4 Duty and what I offer on the first responder and healthcare provider side of the coin. You can find me at stayfit4duty.org our instagram, twitter @stay_fit4duty or Facebook. It's Stay Fit 4 Duty.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Awesome. And we do have that on our website. I'm just gonna check that the links are correct.

Awesome. Thank you very much for having me, Dean and I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Thanks James.