Dec. 18, 2023

Reflections - 2023 - with Host Susan Ney | HR 66

Reflections - 2023 - with Host Susan Ney | HR 66

Episode Intro:

2023 and oh, what a year! Reflections – everything changes but so much stays the same – using excerpts from my book Leadership Inside Out: Effecting Change from Within on improving communication and conflict resolution. And more!

Interested in learning more? Hope you will join me!


About the Host:

Susan has worked with people all her life. As a human resource professional, she has specialized in all aspects of employment, from hiring to retirement. She got her start as a national representative for a large Canadian union. After pursuing an undergrad degree in business administration, Susan transitioned to HR management, where she aspired to bring

both employee and management perspectives to her work. Susan holds a Master of Arts degree in Leadership and Training. She retired from her multi-decade career in HR to pursue writing and consulting, and to be able, in her words, to “colour outside the lines.” She promises some fun and lots of learning through this podcast series. 

Susan is also the author of the book Leadership Inside Out: Effecting Change from

Within available on Amazon – click below

Leadership Inside Out: Effecting Change from Within: Ney, Susan G: 9781777030162: Books - Amazon.ca


If you wish to contact Susan, she can be reached through any of the following:

Website:          Home - Effecting Change from Within

Email:               susangney@gmail.com

Linked In:         www.linkedin.com/in/susan-ney-197494

Facebook:        www.facebook.com/susan.ney.5/

Phone:            (604) 341-5643


Thanks for listening!

It means so much that you listened to this podcast!  If you know of anyone else who might find this series of interest, please share. If you have questions about this episode, please send me an email at susangney@gmail.com


Subscribe to the podcast

If you wish to receive automatic notifications as new podcast episodes are made available, please subscribe.


Leave a review

Ratings and reviews from listeners are used to improve the podcasts.  They also help others find this series, so reviews are very much appreciated!

Transcript
Susan Ney:

Hi, welcome to the podcast HR inside out. I'm your

Susan Ney:

host Susan day, and I can't believe it. Another year has

Susan Ney:

gone by and oh my goodness, what a year it's been. In 2023. We've

Susan Ney:

delved in delved into subjects of ageism, psychological safety,

Susan Ney:

simplicity, customer service, and we talked what attributes of

Susan Ney:

leadership. We enjoyed learning with such phenomenal guests as

Susan Ney:

Sharon Summerfield, on nourishing your well being and

Susan Ney:

preventing burnout was important. samp, the Aaronic

Susan Ney:

knighting the dream Aleister mousse on anger management that

Susan Ney:

enhance our creating better relationships at home and at

Susan Ney:

work. And Lisa Wilson on leading with ease. As I contemplate

Susan Ney:

podcasts for 2024, I'll be touching on things like building

Susan Ney:

resiliency, power of the paradox, more on dealing with

Susan Ney:

conflict, and interviewing individuals able to share what

Susan Ney:

it's like to work in a recruiting firm, a search firm,

Susan Ney:

to learn more about AI, and to explore what it's like to work

Susan Ney:

in some of those fascinating occupations that are perhaps a

Susan Ney:

little bit different. And maybe not maybe some of those ones

Susan Ney:

that aren't with specific regard to the organizations that we

Susan Ney:

work with them. My goodness, in my consulting work, I continue

Susan Ney:

to see the same challenges that have plagued organizations

Susan Ney:

throughout my career, desire for more communication, wishing to

Susan Ney:

understand the why of decisions, internal conflicts, writing

Susan Ney:

challenges between colleagues, and certainly recruitment and

Susan Ney:

retention concerns and workloads being described as not laughable

Susan Ney:

that they're so unreasonable often because of those

Susan Ney:

recruitment challenges and not being able to fill vacancies.

Susan Ney:

Lots organizations are continuing to struggle to find

Susan Ney:

the balance between working from home and working remotely or

Susan Ney:

working at the office. commutes, of course, are getting crazier

Susan Ney:

certainly for those of us living in the Lower Mainland of British

Susan Ney:

Columbia. Balancing family needs with work life balance, and

Susan Ney:

everyone wanting more for last message that's not been heard by

Susan Ney:

our grocery stores, that's for sure. But you know all of this

Susan Ney:

already. And reflecting over the past year, and what I felt,

Susan Ney:

focus this podcast should be I decided to pull my book

Susan Ney:

leadership Inside Out effecting change from within off the

Susan Ney:

shelf, and share some of my writing and reminders of the

Susan Ney:

part that we can each play in helping make our lives better

Susan Ney:

and in doing that, often making organizations better as well.

Susan Ney:

Now I start with a quote from a town show rare when we realize

Susan Ney:

that we are the choosers and that we have the power, we need

Susan Ney:

not wait for others make decisions about our life. We

Susan Ney:

cannot possibly be a victim. No such that I strongly support

Susan Ney:

throughout my book. Now communication is something that

Susan Ney:

I'll continue to polish. I'm going to start here and I'm

Susan Ney:

going to start with a reflection on a YouTube video. It's one of

Susan Ney:

the more powerful ones that I've seen. How goes a blind man who

Susan Ney:

was homeless is begging for coins. A woman stops and instead

Susan Ney:

of giving money, she takes out a black belt pen and changes the

Susan Ney:

message on the mountains cardboard sign. And as a result

Susan Ney:

of her action, many more people put coins into this man's cup.

Susan Ney:

When the woman walks past man at the end of the day, she stops in

Susan Ney:

front of him. Now he recognizes her footstep and asks what she's

Susan Ney:

done. She tells them she has done nothing, but use different

Susan Ney:

words to communicate this message. Instead of helped me

Susan Ney:

I'm blind. The sign now reads it's a beautiful day and I can't

Susan Ney:

see it. The video concludes with a powerful message. Change your

Susan Ney:

words. Change your world

Susan Ney:

Our our day to day perhaps instead of telling someone that

Susan Ney:

they look nice now from what it is about how they look, that

Susan Ney:

prompted me to say that I was very fortunate to work with

Susan Ney:

communication expert, Joe Schaffer. In the course that I

Susan Ney:

was involved in, he had, the cohort group formed small

Susan Ney:

groups, and we were each given the same number of stones. We

Susan Ney:

then took turns placing these as we wished, on a mat in each of

Susan Ney:

our small circles. It was an exercise that we did in silence,

Susan Ney:

you can only place one stone at a time. And by each person, the

Susan Ney:

group having an equal ability to influence the outcome. It was

Susan Ney:

fascinating to see whether diverse designs that were

Susan Ney:

created by the different small groups. So really powerful way

Susan Ney:

of helping us understand that as one testimonial to Joe states,

Susan Ney:

creating conversation, and for ending patterns of domination in

Susan Ney:

our relationships. If you're interested in learning more, you

Susan Ney:

might want to pick up Joe's book, the stone people living

Susan Ney:

together in a different world. She talked about throwing stones

Susan Ney:

as metaphor for words is akin to yelling. But carefully placing

Susan Ney:

those stones creates a very different outcome. through play,

Susan Ney:

we were able to see different perspectives, we were able to

Susan Ney:

influence outcomes, and we actually were able to create and

Susan Ney:

resolve conflict. The experience reminded me of the childhood

Susan Ney:

chant sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will

Susan Ney:

never hurt me. Now as I grew older, I understood that a

Susan Ney:

broken bone with mend words, actually had the power to grow

Susan Ney:

exponentially in the damage that I allowed to my psyche. Now I do

Susan Ney:

emphasize the loud, although rationally, I realized that I

Susan Ney:

chose to accept the comments made by others. Recognizing that

Susan Ney:

any content might not be deserved, it's always more

Susan Ney:

difficult for me to accept. We often don't pay attention to the

Susan Ney:

words that we use and how we communicate with one another. So

Susan Ney:

it's really no wonder that there are so many interpersonal

Susan Ney:

conflicts, linking our environments, we don't

Susan Ney:

communicate well on an individual basis. So when you

Susan Ney:

multiply that there are larger and larger numbers of NGOs, NGOs

Susan Ney:

working well together or not, we can all suffer the consequences

Susan Ney:

of that. The personal experience is that this is an area most

Susan Ney:

organizations and we as individuals could improve on.

Susan Ney:

Certainly the results from organizational engagement

Susan Ney:

surveys confirm that communication is viewed as

Susan Ney:

critical and is frequently done poorly. Messages must be sent in

Susan Ney:

a multitude of ways through numerous channels, before

Susan Ney:

information is actually received. It's also about the

Susan Ney:

quality of those conversations, which is skillfully explored by

Susan Ney:

Susan Scott and her book fierce conversations, achieving success

Susan Ney:

at work, and in life, one conversation at a time. Much of

Susan Ney:

communication is actually through your tone of voice and

Susan Ney:

facial expressions. We tend to trust what we hear when we can

Susan Ney:

receive the full picture of the delivery. And in our very busy

Susan Ney:

world. The ability to receive messages this way, is quickly

Susan Ney:

becoming less available to us. A video messaging certainly helps.

Susan Ney:

But unfortunately, the human touch required is just that

Susan Ney:

touch that handshake, a smile of furrowed brow of concern, all

Susan Ney:

important and quickly becoming lost arts. So take the time as

Susan Ney:

the woman in YouTube, the YouTube video did make a

Susan Ney:

positive difference through the use of your words. Change your

Susan Ney:

words, change your world. So the conversation that you have had,

Susan Ney:

or the oral message and the message being conveyed through

Susan Ney:

the person's body language, we're not in sync. How can make

Susan Ney:

you feel if you oversee people in any capacity, can you think

Susan Ney:

of ways that you might be able to move to big have a better

Susan Ney:

communicator and make that difference. In my book, I also

Susan Ney:

write about conflict. And they start with a quote by Albert

Susan Ney:

Einstein, in the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity.

Susan Ney:

Now, I suspect at some point in our careers, we've all offered

Susan Ney:

our skills in conflict laden situations. Individuals not

Susan Ney:

getting along someone not pulling their weight, dealing

Susan Ney:

with tardiness, excessive absenteeism, bad behavior, rules

Susan Ney:

not being followed. You know, enough, all the examples. And

Susan Ney:

all too often these get tolerated, ignored, excused, and

Susan Ney:

basically not dealt with. I've been in situations and allowed

Susan Ney:

me to address many of these issues issues, often

Susan Ney:

successfully, not always. Are they others where I've been

Susan Ney:

stymied in doing so. I've also been the avoider giving far too

Susan Ney:

much leeway to individuals who didn't require that yet another

Susan Ney:

chance, have been the leader who didn't act in a timer timely

Susan Ney:

manner. I've also been the leader who coached another only

Susan Ney:

to watch the required action never happened. Why? Well, I can

Susan Ney:

speak to my own difficulty when conflict management and where it

Susan Ney:

comes from. I grew up in an environment where there was one

Susan Ney:

type of punishment and there was no talking involved. As a

Susan Ney:

family, it was basically do as you're told, we didn't yell. But

Susan Ney:

it was also not taught how to resolve conflict in a healthy

Susan Ney:

manner. my Bachelor of Business Admin degree didn't touch the

Susan Ney:

subject. So I probably like you learned through experience, that

Susan Ney:

a lot of mistakes along the way, and have benefited from

Susan Ney:

individuals like conflict specialist Gary Harper, who

Susan Ney:

helped me put a different light on the subject of conflict. And

Susan Ney:

as I shared in the last podcast, he has an excellent book the joy

Susan Ney:

of conflict resolution. And he talks about conflict being a

Susan Ney:

signal that something needs attention. He also talked about

Susan Ney:

every conflict, always involving a victim, a hero and a villain.

Susan Ney:

And we experience all three of these have been different

Susan Ney:

points. He had us do a role playing exercise that helped me

Susan Ney:

see conflict from the perspective of all three roles.

Susan Ney:

And it really helped me understand the part that I was

Susan Ney:

playing in conflicts that I was dealing with the time being

Susan Ney:

willing to see a situation from the others perspective, is

Susan Ney:

really helpful and understanding where they're coming from. And

Susan Ney:

it's also super helpful in building empathy and finding

Susan Ney:

collaborative resolutions. To read and it wasn't through Gary,

Susan Ney:

that many of the things that trigger us are also signs for us

Susan Ney:

to heed. There might be something in ourselves, that

Susan Ney:

means looking at mirrors to our blind spots, and we all have

Susan Ney:

buttons. So building our comfort and capability and dealing

Susan Ney:

appropriately with conflict needs constant polishing. I'm

Susan Ney:

reminded of a situation where I was working with a union rep

Susan Ney:

that I felt quite challenged by I found him rude and

Susan Ney:

disrespectful, unwilling to listen and unhelpful in a

Susan Ney:

situation that requires both to tackle things together. Yet Prix

Susan Ney:

racing, a matter that I've felt has been resolved. It's only

Susan Ney:

dawned on me recently, that he probably could have said the

Susan Ney:

same things about me. Perhaps if I'd given him the respect to

Susan Ney:

hear him out on the matter, that was obviously still a problem

Susan Ney:

for him. You might have provided me with the same we were both

Susan Ney:

being bullheaded. We're both so intent on being right, that we

Susan Ney:

lost the opportunity to find a better way of working together.

Susan Ney:

Thomas Crump provides us with wise words, in a conflict, be

Susan Ney:

willing to change allows you to move from a point of view to a

Susan Ney:

viewing point, a higher marks bounce of place, which we see

Susan Ney:

both sides. conflict avoidance happens all the time. We want

Susan Ney:

people to like us having to call someone out on their behavior

Susan Ney:

leaves many of us anxious. This is where teaching moments are so

Susan Ney:

so valuable. So addressing an undesired action when an

Susan Ney:

individual is just exhibited that action means the learning

Susan Ney:

is timely and the required Word changed behavior, it's so much

Susan Ney:

easier to reference.

Susan Ney:

There are lots of excellent courses available will help us

Susan Ney:

with the right words, process and timing for those required

Susan Ney:

conversations, because when we don't have them, the individual

Susan Ney:

is sometimes unaware of the need to change. And our inaction

Susan Ney:

creates ripples because others are also likely experiencing the

Susan Ney:

undesirable situation, and may also be suffering as a result.

Susan Ney:

It's important we learn to do this well. So the one our life

Susan Ney:

circumstances, necessitate conflict resolution at home, in

Susan Ney:

our sports teams, or their families, or their friends, we

Susan Ney:

can appropriately step up. When you deal with conflict, are you

Susan Ney:

really able to listen to what the person is saying? without

Susan Ney:

interrupting? Are they finished? Might complex situations be

Susan Ney:

indicators of your own blind spots that get in your way? Have

Susan Ney:

you ever considered but they these might be indicators of

Susan Ney:

your own unmet needs. So excerpts from the book,

Susan Ney:

leadership truly is from the inside out. And we do affect

Susan Ney:

change from within us. First within ourselves, and as we

Susan Ney:

change that can't help but change our organizations as

Susan Ney:

well. You know, if you've listened to the podcast, that I

Susan Ney:

encourage you to dare to soar, because I truly believe that you

Susan Ney:

can. I conclude the book with the use of acronyms. As we move

Susan Ney:

into the next year, you might find these helpful. When you

Susan Ney:

wish to soar. Start with s for silence. Take time to be quiet

Susan Ney:

and to reflect. Oh are open. Remember to keep yourself open.

Susan Ney:

A are aware. Use them using all of your senses, including your

Susan Ney:

intuition. Are for reflect might be the ripples. Think about what

Susan Ney:

might happen. When you dare to take action, there's a fair

Susan Ney:

word. Be for decide, make that decision, a per act. Act on that

Susan Ney:

decision are for regard the potential and the actual

Susan Ney:

ripples, feedback on awareness that paying attention and E. Re

Susan Ney:

engage and expand, encourage and energize and embracing the real

Susan Ney:

you. I wish you success. I wish you strength as you choose to

Susan Ney:

build your own wings and to find the thermals that will take you

Susan Ney:

where you wish to go. Finally as Michael Suor Alex's Tueller

Susan Ney:

reminds us the bad news is Time flies. The good news is you're

Susan Ney:

the pilot. So just do it. There to soar. Thank you for listening

Susan Ney:

and for supporting HR inside out. And if I piqued your

Susan Ney:

curiosity, my book leadership Inside Out effecting change from

Susan Ney:

within is available on Amazon. It's a fun read. And the link is

Susan Ney:

in the show notes to the podcast. wishing you and yours

Susan Ney:

the very best of the holiday season. Good health, happiness

Susan Ney:

and much success in 2024 to help you learn with you again next

Susan Ney:

month, Susan signing out. Bye for now.