Behind The Mic: Healing From Emotional Abuse with Marissa Cohen

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Hello, hello Amplifyou family Michelle Abraham your house and I am here stay with the behind the mic interview with the podcast host Marissa Cohen. I'm so excited. Marissa is here with us from a healing from emotional abuse podcast. So Marissa, how are you doing today?

I'm great. Thank you so much for having me. How are you?

I'm so good. Let me tell you amplify, you tell me a little bit more about Marissa Marissa is the founder of the healing from emotional abuse philosophy and six time best selling author and award winning author, top podcaster and international speaker she's received the 2023 purple ribbon award from domestic shelters.org. As a survivor of the year, Marissa was named Top 10 most inspirational females on International Women's Day and shared the stage with the likes of Jack Canfield, Joe Theismann and James Malin check versus award winning podcast healing from emotional abuse has ranked top 10% globally as a top 20 app top podcasts in 25 countries. So welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Marissa, I'm so glad you're here. Tell us a little bit about your podcast. What made you start it?

Sure. So I'm a survivor of sexual assault and domestic violence. And basically, just to make a very long story short, I realized after overcome Oh, not overcoming I didn't get there yet. But after talking about my abuse feel like the first couple times how prevalent that was of a problem, how the frequency and how most of the people in my life who I'd known for years had also experienced it, but we'd never talked about it. And I started to really question why we don't talk about it. And I understand that, you know, there's a lot of emotion to it, right, we usually get blamed for it, you know, we feel guilty, we feel like we deserved it, we feel, you know, ashamed that we let it happen. There's a lot of emotion that goes into surviving this kind of trauma, and not not for nothing. Society plays a huge role in that as well by silencing us and making us feel that way. And then encouraging us to feel that way. Because if we start talking about these problems, they have to address them. And so it started with my first book, breaking through the silence the journey to surviving sexual assault. And I had a ton of feedback from that. Very positive, a lot of people reached out to me afterwards to tell me that they had experienced something similar. And until I spoke about it or read my book, they didn't realize that it was so common. And then all of these people around the world, I mean, 1.5 million girls in college every year, just to put it into perspective, you know, experienced this stuff. And so I thought, How do I now amplify this message, and get it out there more because books are incredible, but they only go as far as you market it, whereas podcasts are literally available everywhere. So that's how the healing from emotional abuse podcast was born.

I love it. And when you bring people on to share their stories, is it hard to find people that are willing to share or is that something that is part of most people's healing journey sharing the story as part of that healing?

It used to be very difficult, like when I was writing my first couple books, getting people to talk about it was really difficult. But now since the me to movement, and people are being way more open and receptive to the message right to to the survivors that are coming forward, people are way more willing to talk about it. Now there's still people who are a little bit on the fence, or a little bit shy to do so or scared to do so. In which case if they do want to come on the podcast, I just changed their names. However, it is way more people are way more open now than they were like five years ago.

Yeah, so do you record your podcasts and video or audio only then video

I don't really use the video too much. Mostly just because I'm lazy. But I have it and can cut it up into reels can post it anywhere. Things like that. People are not shy anymore, which is an incredible to see. I actually have a funny nonrelated to podcast story if you want to hear it, alright, yeah. So in 2016, is when I started writing my first book. And while I was writing it, I was thinking about how nobody really talked about this stuff. And I wanted to see how often it would be in news articles in the newspapers. So I started collecting newspapers. And I would cut out any article I saw that mentioned domestic violence, sexual assault, look at the headlines and everything. So I'd cut them out and put them in a scrapbook. And then, at that time, it was like maybe two, for the whole year of the newspapers that I gathered, I'm sure that, you know, if I had one of every newspaper in the world, we'd have more but the newspapers I gathered, there were only two articles, then 2017 happened me to movement hit in October, and after that, I couldn't even keep up anymore. Oh, wow. It was incredible. It was like such a, such a world changing moment when that happened. And it really brought a lot of light to this problem. And it allowed people to feel relatable and see that they're not alone. And that was really huge for this community.

Absolutely. Because unless you started talking about it, you wouldn't know, you know, the person that you're sitting next to has also experienced the same thing you have. Yeah, that's crazy. And are you finding that most of the people that you talk to you like this happens, like in college, or in is it like, is it more later in life? Or what what are you finding that, from the stories that you've heard? It?

There's no like prime age, you know, there's no demographic that specific, truthfully, anybody is susceptible for children or like minors, anywhere between the age of seven and 13 is the is the average when when people are the most vulnerable. But mean, it happens to two year olds, it happens to 85 year olds, you know, it really doesn't matter it It happens a lot in college, it happens a lot in the military, it happens a lot at work. I mean, sexual harassment is still sexual assault, you know, if somebody makes a comment about your body that's uncomfortable, or cat calls you, that's still sexual assault. And so really, anybody male, female, non binary, transgender is actually the most vulnerable population, about 50%, of the transgender community have experienced sexual assault from a partner. Oh,

my gosh, wow. That's huge. So what has been something that's been like inspiring? That's happened as a result of your podcast?

Oh, my gosh, no. That's a great question. It's making me think that a lot of I mean, a lot of beautiful things came out of this podcast, because I have shared my story, and been very vocal about, you know, what this community needs, I've had a lot of people reach out and share their stories that didn't want to come on the podcast, but felt open and comfortable to do. So for the first time. Because of that, I've had a lot of people reach out to me from South Africa, not to call out a country in particular, but they have a very patriarchal society where women are, are treated, mistreated, often. And there's not a whole lot that of resources or access to resources that people have who experienced these things. So it's brought a lot of awareness to me about the problems around the globe, as opposed to just in the United States or North America.

It would affect claims and as she was launching her podcast that was about recovering from abuse. And she was she her story, like ended up picking up in Russia, which is where she's from, and the newspapers picked it up. And she had so many women reaching out to her, say, Me, too, me too, like, this happened to me too, like, Thank you for sharing because they didn't have the courage or the voice to share themselves. So they, you know, we're really looking at you or her as a leader, and someone who they respected at first sharing her story. And I think that was, you know, not to know. Like her, I think she it took her a lot of courage to share it. And and I'm so glad she did, and she's so glad she did. But that and that courage obviously inspires so many other women. But that courage working on that courage to share the story took a lot. Did you experience the same sort of thing

Once I shared the first couple times so the reason I talked about it for the first time was because I was mid panic attack while driving a car. Like my friend grabbed the wheel pulled us to the shoulder and I just unloaded everything on her. And that gave me and her support of me and the way she responded was is very positive and an advocate advocate to advocate of I don't know, she was very kind and very supportive and very like, open to listening without responding or trying to force me to do things. And so that made me feel a lot more comfortable that I met a professor in college who was doing research on campus sexual assault. And I spoke to her and she tasked me with getting other people to join our research program to be interviewed. Because I had to try and get people I had to talk about my story to like, entice other people to work with us. And that made it really easy for me to start talking about it more because I was forced to for a job, right?

Yeah, interesting. So many, I think people are so scared to use their voice. And it's something we see in podcasting all the time, race side analysis, paralysis, that fear of like being heard, and that stops so many people from sharing their story. So it's so great that you've like, opened a platform that's like welcoming in and you make people feel so comfortable that they can share their stories in that intimate way. But it's so it's so beautiful about podcasting is that so many stories are being shared in the impact of making so many people's lives, because few people were brave enough to share in the first place. And I think it's so so incredible, just just the the lives that have been changed from listening, right? And like the listeners, have you had the opportunity to have feedback from listeners, like do get reached out from listeners, I know, it's so hard as a podcaster. So obviously, like, anyone there anyone on the other side, like, you know, and sometimes when someone reaches out, you're like, oh my god, so I'm actually listening.

I don't get I don't have too many people that reach out to me personally about it. I think the way I see the response is in our Facebook group, oh, just healing from emotional abuse. And more often people will join but stay silent. And that's totally fine. Because whatever their journey, whatever they need, yes, what they should do, you know, and if they just want to just want to listen and not not talk, at least they're hearing, you know, the content, or at least they're hearing the stories and feeling more comfortable. That's truly the whole goal.

That's awesome. That was my question next is like, Do you have a community, I have a community that people can join, because I think you're right like it, you know, some people might not be ready to talk and have being able to be siloed there's a good secrete thing. So their journey so from the podcast, people can then go into a community is that your call to action for the podcast,

I use the podcast to like promote books and things as well. Like my my courses, but I'm always happy for people to come and join the group and be a part of it. And if they feel comfortable or compelled share their story. I really, I think the ultimate goal there is just to connect the dots for people, you know, I want people to feel safe and heard and respected and validated because what they've experienced is real. And they've probably experienced a lot of gaslighting as well, so they don't really trust themselves or their experiences. And so I mean, that's kind of, yeah, I kind of use it to promote the group but mostly just healing.

So I know you like major success recently speaking, and in paid speaking engagements and colleges and universities and for the military. Did that come after your podcast? Or did that come before the podcast or kind of happened all at the same time?

So the podcast came first. And I'm sure that the podcast contributed in a lot of ways to that success, which I'm super grateful for speaking is so fun for me. I enjoy it and I hope that obviously the goal is that I you know allow other people to experience their experience I'm sorry to express their experiences to feel validated learn from them and people who haven't experienced this stuff to see what red flags look like to see what healthy and toxic relationships look like so that they can make healthy choices for themselves but podcast came first the speaking kid NAFTA.

Okay. That's also a little that's great. And you're speaking all over the country all over the US and about So what exactly do you talk about in the in the, in your talks on stage? And is it different than what you talked about on the podcast? So they all related

Everything is intertwined. So with at schools and universities, I speak about my experiences because I experienced my stuff while in college with several different people. And each experience was was different so I speak about my my stories, but I also incorporate lessons so like I said, I do healthy and toxic relationships, red flags, setting boundaries, self care. Wellness kind of cover anything under that umbrella?

Yeah. Do they separate your audience like for like you're speaking to the women only? Or do they? Is it like a mixed audience?

Sometimes they'll separate it out. Like, I'll do a lot of speaking for sororities, specific reasons that just women for the most part, but I prefer coed audiences,

I want to be helpful for the guys to know.

Well, guys experienced this stuff as well. And they talk about it less, because there's a ton of stigma associated with abuse, and sexual assault, you know, men's sexuality, or, you know, called into question. Their masculinity is called into question, things like that. So they don't really talk about it when it does happen. And so it's important that they hear it, as well, so that they know that they're validated. Yeah.

Yeah. So I love the work that you're doing out there. And it's such an important message to share with you, for our listeners, some of them are, you know, sitting at home with still thinking about doing a podcast, maybe have similar kinds of stories, or maybe have had similar situations in their life, what is some words of advice you have for them, if they're maybe a little bit timid or shy to you know, step up to the microphone?

Sure. So I think personally speaking about it was like my saving grace, up until the moment I started talking about it, I felt like I was holding this, you know, 1000 pound weight right on my chest. And I always felt heavy, and I always felt uncomfortable, and like, exhausted, even, you know, right after I woke up, and then when I started speaking about it, the first time, obviously, sucked mid panic attack between gasping breaths. But, you know, the more I spoke about it, the easier it got. So my words of advice would be find somebody that you trust that you know, won't judge you won't try and force you to do something won't try and direct you and will 100% Respect your needs. And tell them as much as you're comfortable with, even if it's, if it was in a bad relationship, period. That's it. That's, that's a step forward. And then you can talk to them again, or somebody else and say, I was in a bad relationship, and they gasp You know, I was being gaslighted for years, you know, and then take a step forward, do whatever is most comfortable for you everything in your own time. And don't base your journey on anyone elses, because nobody's journey or experiences are the same.

Yeah, I think that's a huge point. And, you know, I think when you're thinking about starting a podcast, too, and sharing publicly or helping others share their message, I liked what you said about how you were, you know, some people didn't want to share their names, and you're able to still have them on your podcast, they'll share their message, they'll share their story, without using their names, too. So I think being creative in that way, is a really great, really great way of being able to still still include people's stories in the show without it having to be directly related to their names. And in exact situations might feel people make make people feel more comfortable. And so if they're sitting there thinking about doing a podcast, and maybe not ready to start sharing publicly with their name you as the host, you could change your name to and have a show that's under a pseudonym, kind of like the writers do you like under their pen names? Right? You can totally do that as well. That

Yeah, if you can write a book under a pseudo name, you can also run a podcast under a pseudonym. Yeah,

Exactly. And just know that no matter what message you have, there's someone out there that needs to hear it. And you know, I've heard so many stories from people who have had podcasts and they've had, you know, listeners reach out, like, Hey, I was, you know, contemplating suicide, and then I heard this message, or, Hey, you know, I had a really bad relationship with someone and I heard this message. And that really helped me heal, like just so many things that are like, so life changing. I had a personal a lot of our listeners know, I had a personal experience as a podcast listener first before I became a podcast, or even working in the industry. That was, you know, it really helped pull me out of postpartum depression just by listening to a podcast being inspired and motivated. And it got me to a point where I was ready to make a change. Whereas, you know, and I think that's such an important key part of podcasting is the difference that you make in the listeners. And sometimes it's hard as podcasters we don't get that feedback from our listeners as to the differences we are making, you know, sorry to encourage our audience if you listen to podcasts and you I'm not saying that that's like for this podcast, but for any like podcasts that you listen to you like, reach out to the host let them know like how much of a difference they're making in your life. I think it is really cool. How long have you had your podcast Marissa?

It launched January eighth. 2020. So three and a half years. Yeah,

Yeah, right in the middle of the pandemic. He happy a lot of people turn to podcasts during that time, which was great. Do you also do some solo shows on your podcast?

Yeah, I do occasionally. I think that guest episodes are generally better, at least for my content. Otherwise, I feel I'm just talking at people. And I never want to come off that way. And I don't even think people will respond well to that, you know?

Well, I can tell you one of the reasons that your podcast is top 10% globally, because you're taking them on a journey with you, right? Like, you're on this healing journey, too. And I think people really recognize that, like, you know, if you're, if you're there being the expert, or blah, blah, blah, talking at people, they're not gonna, they're not gonna listen to respond as well as they do when you're taking them on the journey with them, taking them on the journey with you, which I think you've done a great job, I think you've done a great job, because sharing your story from being vulnerable is like so. So helpful for the listeners to feel like that, that connection? Well,

I appreciate you saying that. That was really kind. You're welcome.

So cool. Well, I'm been so grateful to have you here. I know, you're so busy and traveling all over is sharing your message with the world, what is your most favorite thing about this message? And that you get to do this for a living every day?

Oh, that's a great question. I think my favorite part of doing this is that I know that people are making changes, and I don't know exactly how much I have impacted that. And I don't really care what my like what my contribution was, what I'm excited about is that the world is changing, and that people are more open. And, you know, survivors are more capable of talking about it now and feeling safe talking about it now. And society is more open to receiving that information and not victim blaming or trying to brush it under the rug anymore. So if I if I made any dent or any impact on the way that that this is moving, I am thrilled. And if I didn't, I'm still thrilled that survivors are feeling empowered and supported and validated more than ever before.

Yeah, I mean, my belief is obviously if you change one person's life by your with your podcasts or with your story that you're doing amazing things in this room because that wouldn't change throughout one person can still make a huge difference. So it's amazing. Yes, well effect eliminate. Well, I'm so grateful that I get to hopefully hug you again in person in September. When we see each other at our mastermind, that's where we met. And it was brilliant. And I just so excited for you and seeing all the amazing things that you're up to in this world. So thank you for taking your time out guys. Make sure you go and listen to Morris's podcast healing from emotional abuse. Please share it with someone who needs to hear her messages and Marissa any last words for our audience today.

Oh my goodness. Just be kind you never know who's going through the wringer. You never know what people are experiencing. So if you just lead with kindness and lead with service, we will have such a happier world. Myrtle.

I love that. Thank you. All right. Well, wait, can we find out more information about you? Obviously going to your podcasts you have a website you can send us to chew? Yeah,

Absolutely. My pug, my website is www dot Marissa Faye cohen.com Hello my name Ma Ri es safayecohen.com. And you can reach out to me at mi m e at Marisa paco.com. If you have any questions or you want to share a story or an experience and feel safe with me, that's fine. I would love to also

And if you have a group that you want Marissa to come and speak in front of also reach out to her because she speaks in front of universities and colleges and military and all over. So and she's dang good at it.

It's so fun and you're incredible. I just love your podcast and I love your energy and I'm so grateful to have to have met you and have you as a friend and you know a person in my life but more importantly a friend so.

So great to have you here Marissa amplify your family go out and listen help Marissa share her message to this world that much needs it. And until next time, we'll see you next week.

Amplifyou Intro/Outro: Thank you, family for joining us on this adventure. If you're ready to be heard, head over to my podcast coach.com where you'll find out all the tools and tips you'll need to launch your podcast today. If you have a show already and you need some help managing it, please head over to manage my podcast.com and the amplify your team will be happy to help you manage your podcasts. Please also head over to iTunes like subscribe or review or show so we can spread this message and until next time be your own unique genius