Estar presente, no ser perfecto

0:07 Hello everyone and welcome to ideas for a better life. I am Eugenio Palla ruiz, reader, hardworking, writer and lover of personal development. In today ' s episode we' re going to talk about the present over perfect book which is an English expression that would mean something like being present. Not to be perfect. A book written by Shauna Nickist. Despite having a successful career, despite having a family that loved her very much, the author of this book felt exhausted, she felt disconnected from everything and everyone. Her day- to- day life was a whirlwind of work responsibilities, social commitments, family obligations that had her permanently occupied. Then, to me less the idea that time passed, her health began to resent herself had headaches, suffered insomnia and a constant feeling of fatigue accompanied her day and night. But, in addition to those physical symptoms, I also felt a deep dissatisfaction. It is true that he loved his family, it is true that he valued his work, but he realized that he was living in a frantic way, that he had no space for reflection, that he had no time even to rest. He felt that he could not enjoy the moments with his loved ones, because his

1:38 mind was always busy with the next task or with the next problem or with the next concern, so even emotional ties with his family began to weaken. She felt disconnected from herself as if she had lost sight of who she really was and what made her happy. But one day he had a moment of clarity. She was alone in her office, surrounded by screens, with a dozen unanswered emails and realized she was pursuing an idea of unattainable perfection. He realized that he was trying to meet external expectations and that he was not taking into account either his own needs or his own desires. And at that moment he realized that he needed a change in his life, a major change.

2:36 He decided to stop seeking perfection and focus on the three things that really matter, peace, connection with others and being present. One of the most important changes he made and tells us in the book, is that he learned to say no, after years of saying yes to everything and everyone. She understood that this habit had exhausted her, had brought her to the brink of physical collapse and emotional collapse, because every time she accepted a task or a commitment, her energy was a little more exhausted, leaving her with no time, no space also to attend to her own needs. So, the first thing he did is start taking control and putting clear boundaries, and he did it through the word no. Not the word. It became a tool and that tool allowed him to regain his life. He started saying no to protect the things he really cared about. So, instead of accepting each invitation, he began to think about whether those activities really aligned with his priorities were aligned with his values and, at first, obviously, doing this was extremely difficult for him in Russia. He felt guilty and also felt why not to say it, afraid to disappoint others. But in time it was discovered that saying that

4:11 no, in reality it is not an act of selfishness, but a form of self- care. So that new ability to say no, to set limits, gave him a sense of freedom that he had never experienced before. By saying no to things that were not essential, he had room in his life for what really mattered to his well- being. He began to spend time, to meditate, to walk through nature, to be silent with himself, and those moments of calm were precisely those that allowed him to reconnect with his thoughts, to reconnect with his emotions, and thus he achieved a clarity that he had not had in years. He began to value a simpler way of life, where it wasn' t about doing more, It was about doing what really mattered in our modern society. There are many people who are at that point. There are many people who seek to fill the void with noise with constant activity, either with social networks, whether working many hours or with that entertainment, endlessly offered by series platforms, etcetera, etcetera. This frenzy actually serves for one thing, it serves to confront us or to avoid.

5:35 Face us with our own thoughts, with our own emotions. They create an illusion of productivity that we are being productive, but we are actually avoiding confronting our thoughts and emotions. And the cure to this, true healing, is in silence. It is in silence that one has the opportunity to confront his thoughts and his deepest emotions, to understand them, to process them. And yet, a lot of people are afraid of silence, it seems to panic. Silence is a place that has no panic at all. Silence is a safe place, it is a place of clarity, it is a refuge where the mind can rest, where we can reorganize. Silence allows us to be more present, allows us to connect more with the moment, helps us to appreciate the pleasure of the little things that often pass us unnoticed. In the middle of all that hustle and bustle around us. The next thing the author of the book did is change her professional career. In a world full of social expectations, professional family members, it is very easy to fall into predefined roles. It' s very easy to forget who you really are and

7:05 forget what it is that you truly love and that' s to stop being the owner or owner of your life. The book encourages us to make conscious decisions that align with your true. Me. The book encourages us to enter into a process of self- discovery in which we allow ourselves to explore our passions, our interests, our values, without the filter of the expectations of others. And once again, this requires courage. This means challenging the rules, it means breaking with traditions, but it is an absolutely essential step to start living better, because many times those roles that we adopt are a construction of what others think you should be and are based on their own experiences, on their stens, their own fears, on their own expectations. And when you get rid of those molds of others, then you' re opening the door to a more authentic life. What happens is that it is not easy to discover what you really love to discover who you really are, it takes time, it requires reflection and, above all, it requires an introspection of which very few people are capable today. It' s a deep introspection in which you' re going to ask yourself what makes you feel alive, what it is you' re passionate about, what values you have, what things

8:35 are unnegotiable to you, and it' s a process of trial and error of trying things and learning from each of those things. As you get to know yourself better, you begin to build a life that reflects your essence, rather than a life that is shaped by external expectations. And the end result is a life consistent with your purpose. The end result is to feel more connected to yourself and the world around you. It is, in short, to live in a more authentic way. But of course, in a world where the accumulation of material goods and external achievements are often considered the only indicators of success, it is very easy to fall into the trap of measuring our worth only through those parameters, and that way of thinking is a problem because it can lead to an endless cycle of dissatisfaction, it can lead us to exhaustion simply because there will always be something more to achieve or there will always be something more expensive to buy. Therefore, instead of trying to accumulate goods or instead of trying to accumulate achievements, accumulate well- being, accumulate relationships and, above all, accumulate peace, because these elements, even if intangible, are the ones that will have a real impact on your quality of life and eye. Leaving aside social expectations does not mean isolating yourself, it does

10:07 not mean rejecting others. It means learning to balance external influences with your own desires and needs. It means recognizing that your well- being and happiness are at least as important as the opinions of others. And another big problem that the author left behind in this change that the book tells us is perfectionism. Sometimes we want everything to be perfect. We feel pressure to meet standards that are unattainable, and this happened to the author for Christmas. She felt overcome by the need to create parties that were perfect. The ornaments must be impeccable, the food must be perfect, the gifts must also be wrapped in the preferred way. And suddenly he realized that that desire for perfection was making him miss the real, messy beauty his life had. That those imperfect moments we all have are the ones that really matter. It is the true spirit of the Christmas holidays or of any other occasion that accepts imperfection is the message.

11:24 The real beauty is to be present, to connect with those around you. When you seek perfection, what you do is isolate yourself. You stay away from the real thing, you stay away from the others. And wealth is in imperfection at real times. And that doesn' t mean settling for mediocrity. It means recognizing that life is a set of messy moments that need not be perfect to be valuable. And another thing the author left behind is envy. This emotion is normal, it' s common, it' s human, but it can also be a trap. Envy, envy, and comparison would get into the same sack. They' re destructive, they erode your self- esteem, they generate constant dissatisfaction with what you have and what you are You shouldn' t look longing for other people' s lives, because I' m sure they also have their problems. The thing is, you don' t see them. The book recommends that we use envy as an indicator to discover what our true desires are, what our true needs are, because envy is a sign that is telling you what areas of your life need attention, what areas of your life need change. For example, if you are envious of someone who has a perfect balance between work and personal life,

12:56 that is an indicator that reflects your own desire to slow down and spend more time with your loved ones. And seen that way, envy becomes a tool that drives you to adjust your life to be more consistent with your own priorities, so learn to rejoice in the good things that happen to others, without feeling diminished by them. Another important idea discovered by the author is to accept the idea of wasting time amidst the frantic rhythm of daily responsibilities. We often forget how important it is to have fun engages in activities that are seemingly unproductive or foolish. Colorea dance plays, because that will not only bring you happiness, but it will also bring you more balance and will bring you greater well - being. Doing these silly things a priori allows us to disconnect from daily worries. They are a respite for the mind and for the spirit Coloring for example, it can be a form of meditation because your mind frees itself and concentrates on the present moment or dance. Dancing allows you to express yourself physically, allow you to release accumulated tensions and allows you to generate endorphins that will improve your mood. And the same thing happens. With Playing with children,

14:26 for example, it brings us back to a state of innocence, of creativity. It reminds us how important it is to enjoy the here and now without worries. And another change he introduced is order. Clearing your physical spaces and your mental spaces is a fundamental part of that process of change, because when you eliminate disorder, you can focus on what really matters. So the author of the book, what she did was preserve only those objects that she actually used or that she really loved. And that minimalist approach not only made his home more orderly or more functional, but also cleared his mind, which is the key to minimalism. Cleaning the physical environment translates into a mental clarity that allows you to focus on making important decisions. And minimalism is not only physical, it also applies to your mind to practice full attention, meditation. All that helps you clear your mind of unnecessary thoughts, worries, and that leads you to live more clearly. So you know if you lead a seemingly successful life on paper. But you don' t feel comfortable, you don' t feel happy. Try making the same changes Shawn Nickis made that he tells us in this book learns to hate your time and your energy, to take

16:00 refuge in silence to heal your mind pose a professional change towards your true purpose, even if that means leaving behind the expectations of others. Forget about perfectionism, accept imperfection. Use your envy to find out what' s missing in your life. Disconnect by doing seemingly unproductive activities, such as coloring or playing, and clear your home and mind by practicing minimalism and full attention. And now, before saying goodbye, let me remind you that you have at your disposal a compilation of the best ideas about personal development, told in a very practical way, as I always try to do in these episodes in my four own books. The titles are free, healthy and happy thirty- one days to improve your life minimalism for normal people and seven steps for a purposeful life.

16:56 You already know that you have them available on Amazon and that I leave you dream link in the notes of the episode and, by the way, this week I have something very exciting to share with you. I have launched a new coaching service that is designed to help you find your purpose and start transforming your life as your purpose coach. What I want to do is to guide you step by step so that you can find that purpose and so that you can align your professional life with your talents and your passions, which is the least we can conform to. You have all the information about this new service in the link I leave you in the episode description. You can now book your free 30- minute session with me and start the road to the future that you really want and deserve. And if you liked the episode, please subscribe to the channel share it on social networks or visit three www ideas to live better com where you can download a free copy of my latest book and just say goodbye. Thank you very much, as always and until the next