El método que te ayudara a resolver cualquier conflicto

0:10 Hello everyone and welcome to ideas for a better life. I am Eugenio Paya Ruiz, reader, hard- working and lover of personal development. Today I want to talk about a method that will help you resolve any conflict that comes before you. But before we start, as always, I want to remind you that you have at your disposal a compilation of the most relevant ideas and tips on personal development. In my own four books. I leave you as always the link to each of them in the notes of this episode and also since many have asked me how and where to train in personal development. I tell you what has worked for me, which is the personal development master' s degree online from IPP Institute of Positive Thought. You know the best training in this field. If you want to take a look at the masterclas completely free. I leave you on link in the notes of the episode and if you have decided to change your life, but you are not ready to do a master' s degree yet, I recommend that you download the ebook for free. Twenty- five habits for economic abundance, an approved system, step by step with which you will be able to improve your relationship with money so that you can have the lifestyle you want. I also leave your link in the episode notes so you can download that free ebook. And now we are

1:41 going to talk about the URI method to resolve any conflict. Conflict is normal. We are human and have always had conflicts. Each has its own perspectives. Each has its own interests, and those perspectives and its interests often clash. Now, we can choose to see conflict as a bad thing or we can see conflict as an opportunity. We can see conflict as something we can use to learn and to keep growing. Personally. Obviously, this last way of seeing the conflict will help you more than the first. And this way of seeing conflicts, of seeing problems, is called possibilism. For potentialists, every problem has a solution. There' s always a way. For these people they believe that human action can transform the conflict from something destructive to something constructive. If you take a posbilistic approach, you' ll be able to transform your results. Whatever you have a personal problem, a discussion at home, whatever it is to a debate with another person who holds a different position, whatever you have a problem at work, any kind of conflict, any kind of problem with another human being. The possibilistic approach is going to help

3:14 you overcome it. From where this approach comes, it comes from William Uri, who is an American anthropologist specializing in very high- level negotiations that basically sums up possibilism in a sentence. Says William Muorie that possibilism is going out on the balcony, building a gold bridge and committing to the third side and you' ll tell what the hell this man meant, what the hell does this mean? Going out to the balcony, building a gold bridge and committing to the third side sounds very rare, but this phrase, which sounds so strange, actually contains everything or, an approach, a whole structure to be able to resolve conflicts and this sentence is what I want to talk to you about in this episode. There are three metaphors in that sentence. Go out to the balcony, build a gold bridge and commit to the third side.

4:16 Let' s see, one by one, what they mean and how we can implement them in our lives. The first is to go out to the balcony. Going out on the balcony in this sentence means reflecting, means gaining perspective, building a golden bridge means overcoming differences, reaching solutions to meet the needs of all parties and committing to the third side means that we gain the support of third people to together carry out the changes that are necessary to resolve that conflict. It' s three metaphors that William mouri called the three victories.

4:58 These and these three victories. If you manage to make them and connect them, you can transform any conflict and do the impossible. I' ll explain one to one in detail. The first step is to go out to the balcony. The concept of going out on the balcony is that you must take emotional distance, you must also take mental distance from the conflict because, because that allows you, the first, to gain clarity and, the second, to gain control. And how we distance ourselves by doing three things, pause, approach and distance. Pause is the initial step as soon as you have a conflict. There has to be a pause, you have to put distance, you have to stop and distance yourself both emotionally and mentally from that conflict that has just begun. And this is because it' s this pause.

6:02 It is what will allow you to reflect, it is what will allow you to do what the Stoics said, to create a gap between the stimulus and its response. If you do this, if you pause, you will enter the conflict with a calmer, more focused perspective, you will avoid emotional reactions. Therefore, first step when you have a conflict with another person is to pause to stop on the balcony. After that pause, what we do is what William Mori called the approach, that is, we think about what our objectives are, what our needs are in that conflict. And look here I' m not referring to what superficial desires we have. No, no, it' s not about understanding what' s really important to us in that conflict. It' s an introspective process and the key question here is what I really want. What I really want in this conflict. What is the ideal solution for me and the last step from that exit to the balcony is to get away, that is, to broaden the perspective and understand a somewhat broader context of that conflict in which we have entered. So here we do things like trying to understand what are the interactions between us and the other

7:38 party or between the parties that have the conflict. We' re trying to put ourselves in his shoes. And another thing we do is we also understand what are the implications that a solution would have to one side or the other long- term implications. Every solution we give will have a long- term involvement that we need to understand at that time. So, if we follow these three steps, if we go out on the balcony, which in the end is what William Moori means, when he talks about going out on the balcony, we start to handle the conflict in a more effective way. We pause, we understand what we want and we understand the context of in a broader sense, we put ourselves a little in the shoes of each of those involved in the conflict and, moreover, we understand what are the possible scenarios that would derive from the solutions that we can think So at the beginning.

8:39 That' s the first part of this gentleman' s sentence but William Mori also said that or his second part of the sentence talked about building a golden bridge. So what it is to build a golden bridge is to transform conflict into collaboration and how we do it, then, doing three things, listening to the other side, creating something and attracting. Listening, listening requires passing from what is merely hearing. We' re not talking here about you hearing the other side. We are talking about a deep understanding of what the perspectives, needs, emotions of the other side are. And that to do that you' re gonna need empathy. You know empathy is the ability to put us in each other' s shoes. That empathy and that listening bar understanding is going to be essential why, because it' s going to allow you to get information from each other and, on the other hand, it' s going to help you foster an environment of mutual respect and trust. So when you have a conflict with someone, you have to listen to the other side, even if you don' t feel like it, because it' s that it' s fundamental that what you don' t understand, if you don' t understand it. If you don' t understand it, you won' t be able to resolve that conflict. And I don' t just mean listening to the other side. You have to listen to yourself,

10:11 too. You have to recognize what your emotions are in that conflict. You have to admit that you have a series of prejudices, just like the other side will. You have to recognize that you have beliefs, that they ' re pushing you to see things in a certain way. And you also have to recognize that you have a series of preconceived ideas, a series of filters that we have also talked about in this podcast, that are making you perceive reality in a way that, well, we don' t know if it' s objective reality. So, if we don' t start by listening to ourselves and others, we won' t understand the conflict. And if we do not understand the conflict, it is obviously impossible for us to resolve it. Second step to creating that golden bridge is to create and by creating I mean to contribute ideas without judging them. They make a kind of brain storming, with the other part where each one can contribute his ideas without the other jumping saying that that idea is nonsense or that it does not serve for xo for Greek. We encourage creativity at this point and try to find solutions that work for all parties, because perhaps the conflict ends there. Perhaps there is an idea that no one has thought about and with which both sides feel comfortable and perhaps the conflict will end at that time. And the third

11:43 step in building that golden bridge is to attract and attract in this field is to move from confrontation to collaboration, to create an enabling environment. It' s about showing the other party that you have good will, that you want to resolve the conflict, that there' s a commitment on your part to resolve it, and that everything goes back to normal. What we are doing with this, as you can imagine, is to generate a trust base that we can gradually expand and that will start to facilitate dialogue with the other side.

12:26 This is, for example, what the great world leaders do true when they are invited to work breakfasts or meals or directives of the football teams, truth that in the end it seems that they are always faced And when they play among themselves, because they are going to eat together, is to attract to move from confrontation to collaboration through the environment worth. We' ve already built that golden bridge and the last metaphor of uri' s phrase is to commit to the third side. Who is the third side, the others, the people who are not directly involved in that conflict, And it is that the conflicts in the end occur within a social context that is shared. So, even if you don' t have to do directly with a conflict, it' s also affecting all those who are part of that context, where the conflict occurs, they can and can help that conflict to be resolved.

13:33 Of course, here we encounter the problem of that mentality in which we think or tend to think that this does not go with me or that I cannot solve it, that they manage or that we are afraid to get involved, because maybe we like both sides and we do not want to get dirty. And we all have the ability to help resolve conflicts and from the point of view of those involved in the conflict, when you ask for help or involve more people, that makes you closer to the solution. Why. Because when a problem doesn' t matter what the problem is, when a conflict is analyzed from different points of view, when we put in thoughts, when we put in different experiences, then we can find more easily solutions that none of us had thought about before. In this case or in this example, diversity of thought can be fundamental to finding effective ideas. It may be that an alien to your conflict comes up with something because he sees it with a more open mind, sees it from the outside, is an observer and then is more neutral, and then he can come up with something that neither side had thought of before. So you already know it to face conflicts, no matter

15:09 how personal, labory of any kind, to conflicts constructively and to be able to resolve them that, in the end is what a conflict is not there for it to be eternalized, for a conflict to be conquered if we have it. What we should try is to resolve it as soon as possible. Well, to do so, uri presents us with the three victories called the balcony, the golden bridge and the third side. What we do on the balcony, a pause, we gain perspective, we step back, we evaluate, we control our response to the conflict, that is, we reflect and we approach our real needs. We understand our needs and then move away little by little so we can see the context. Let' s say the big picture of that conflict. Then we go on to build a gold bridge as we built it listening, offering solutions that can fit into both parts and attracting all parties in a pleasant environment that incited collaboration and one third of the phrase.

16:25 The third side is the role played by others, who are in principle alien to the conflict, in resolving that conflict. If you integrate those three practices, the balcony, the golden bridge and the third side, what you are doing is to face conflicts not as an obstacle, but as a path of growth and adopting those strategies, you will transform any conflict that arises in life into an opportunity to improve your life. If you liked this episode, please give it to me like, share on social networks or visit three points ideas to live better. Point com there you can subscribe and download for free a copy of my latest book. Seven steps to a purposeful life and if you want to learn much more. If you want to train a personal development with the best experts, check out the free master class of IPP' s personal development master online. I leave you the link in the episode notes and you know it if you' re not ready to do a full master' s degree, but you know you want to change your life, download the ebook for free twenty- five habits for economic abundance. I also leave your link in the notes of the episode and just say goodbye. Thank you very much, as always and until the next o o o