May 30, 2026
You've Already Missed Your Best Chance at Good Sex Today
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RSS Feed Timing is apparently everything when it comes to “successful sex” according to a sleep expert and psychologist who has been studying hormone levels for more than 2 decades. This researcher says our hormones are literally the opposite of what we need for good sex at the time MOST couples have sex: right before bed. We go over when the best time to connect is for both women and men, and what to do if he’s a night owl and she’s a morning person.
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00:00:02
Speaker 1: Hey, everybody, it is Saturday, May thirtieth, and whatever you do, do not have sex tonight. You should have already had it this morning. And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and DJ, an episode that the robes here has been pretty excited to get into. I haven't done a deep dive into this one, but they're telling us robes and having sex at night is not the best way to have good sex.
00:00:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, actually, yes, yes.
00:00:30
Speaker 3: This comes from a psychologist and a sleep exter expert.
00:00:34
Speaker 2: His name is doctor Michael Bruce.
00:00:36
Speaker 3: I don't know if I'm saying his name correctly, but he posted something on X this month. He says, I've been studying sleep for more than twenty years.
00:00:45
Speaker 1: He's a sleep expert, not a sex expert, right, But he.
00:00:48
Speaker 3: Says what he studies is the hormones what makes for good sleep. And there are only two things you do in bed, have sex and sleep, and so the hormones involved with both are something he's been studying.
00:01:02
Speaker 2: And he said everyone's doing it wrong.
00:01:06
Speaker 1: They're doing it wrong. And when he say he's doing it wrong, you're having sex at the wrong time.
00:01:09
Speaker 3: Is that rerect timing is everything? Recording to this doctor Okay, I'm listening. Okay, So research shows can you guess there is an hour where most people are intimate. This is the hour where almost all people, or at least the majority of people, tend to have sex during this hour.
00:01:28
Speaker 1: Uh, probably nine, ten, ten thirty before everybody goes to bed somewhere in there.
00:01:33
Speaker 2: Yes, so it's.
00:01:33
Speaker 3: The hour between ten thirty and eleven thirty PM. Most people are intimate right before they fall asleep, and so that puts that window at ten thirty to eleven thirty pm. We're already in deep sleep and ram sleep at that point, but everyone's got different waking and sleeping patterns.
00:01:53
Speaker 2: But basically the hour before you go to sleep.
00:01:56
Speaker 1: But generally speaking, rome people get to that point in the day most grown with grown folks problems. You're at that point getting it over with sex is not an experience at that point. Sex at that point is just let's do this and let's go to bed. That's there's like brushing your teeth at the end. It's just something you gotta do. That does not make for a passionate night at ten thirty after the day we just had. Yeah, there's not gonna be a lot of energy in that is it?
00:02:21
Speaker 2: So you just made his point.
00:02:22
Speaker 3: He said, the reason why most people have sex between ten thirty and eleven thirty PM at night is because number one, you're already in bed.
00:02:31
Speaker 2: Number two, there are fewer interruptions.
00:02:34
Speaker 3: From work, from your kids, you're not getting messages, you're not getting notifications. And so it turns out it's more about convenience than biology day.
00:02:45
Speaker 2: That's where we're getting it wrong.
00:02:46
Speaker 1: All right, Yes, the day is finally done, so I guess let me seeze this in. That's awful. That's so awful.
00:02:53
Speaker 3: That is what most people do. It's about convenience and opportunity. Those two things come together at ten thirty at night for most people.
00:03:03
Speaker 1: Okay, but then both for the most part, when we have conversations about sex and we see relationships and sex highlighters in whether it's social media, whether it's on television, well it's not about that. It's about connect seeing somebody across the room getting hot for each other. Right, that's what it's about. And we're perpetuating constantly that that's what sex is about, some hot, passionate attraction.
00:03:31
Speaker 3: So we'll have expectations and they are almost certainly not met.
00:03:36
Speaker 2: When we choose to put convenience and.
00:03:39
Speaker 3: Accessibility above that passion, above knowing what actually our bodies are telling us is the right time to have the best sex possible. I think we all want to have good sex, and this doctor is saying it doesn't happen at night.
00:03:55
Speaker 2: And here's why, wait, not at all exactly.
00:04:00
Speaker 3: Or hormones he says, are quote literally the opposite of what makes for quote successful sex, a successful sex in his passionate sex, satisfying sex, amazing sex. When you say, God, that was amazing, it's rarely at nights.
00:04:16
Speaker 1: What does he called the ten thirty at night sex? Then? Convenience just convenient, it's an exercise in just getting it over with.
00:04:24
Speaker 3: Correct And look, I think a lot I think anyone who's been in any sort of romantic relationship will tell you that sex is a really important part of keeping your relationship strong.
00:04:34
Speaker 2: It is important.
00:04:36
Speaker 3: It's not something to just say as an extra or a bonus or a fun every now and then. I think a lot of relationship experts will tell you need to prioritize sex and what that sex is like matters.
00:04:49
Speaker 1: By his argument, then it's possible that someone might think they have a good sex life because they have sex often, but they might be having bad sex. Correct, you're in a bad s X relationship even though you had sex five nights as we.
00:05:02
Speaker 3: Can and maybe yes, just changing when you have sex could make a huge difference. Here's the hormone situation at nights, men and women, right, Okay, I'll get to both. So at night estrogen low progesterone, progesterone low, adrenaline, low testosterone, low cortisol, low, melatonin peaking.
00:05:26
Speaker 2: It is the opposite.
00:05:28
Speaker 3: It's where you don't want your hormones to be when you are about to have sex.
00:05:33
Speaker 1: Okay, So you just describe sleepy sex. Is that what it was? You sit melotone?
00:05:37
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have melotonin peaking, and everything else that would make for good.
00:05:42
Speaker 2: Sex is at its lowest level of the day.
00:05:45
Speaker 1: Yes, and that all day that I'm awake, the lowest level of all those.
00:05:49
Speaker 3: Things need right before you go to bed, okay, seven am. Conversely, cortisol surges fifty percent above its lowest level. Testosterone peaks at seven am or when you wake up, it's about thirty five percent above where it was when it was at its lowest.
00:06:08
Speaker 2: Your melatonin drops.
00:06:10
Speaker 3: Basically he said this at seven am, and he is the exact hormone stack you want for good sex, and it's the stack you wake up with. So I say seven am, but when you wake up, basically, your hormones are at the best possible level they could be at for the best possible sex you could have.
00:06:30
Speaker 1: Did he give Also, you said most people have sex, which did he give any indication of what percentages there are out there? I mean, how often people are having more? I don't know.
00:06:42
Speaker 3: I don't know the answer to that. He was studying hormones and then he did research with couples who were having sex at different time, So I can give you.
00:06:51
Speaker 1: Some of that.
00:06:51
Speaker 3: But he pointed to hey, men, you know you have morning erections. There's a reason why you have morning erections because your testosterone is at its peak. That matters.
00:07:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean that's a thing folks are aware of. I don't think of. I don't hear too often somebody breaking down the why.
00:07:13
Speaker 3: It's the testosterone, and it says, by the way, this is interesting. The surveys and the research he's done show that couples report having better connection and better performance when they have sex in the morning.
00:07:28
Speaker 1: No kidding. You're rested, You're well rested. I'm not getting you at the end of the night, when all energy and life is out of you in interest, maybe might be out of you. Yeah, first thing in the morning. Pop.
00:07:39
Speaker 3: Oh, yes, I think there's this romantic thought though, Like you go out on a date, go to the movies, you go to dinner, and you have a bottle of wine. You've been looking and gazing at each other across the table, and you finally get home and you're exhausted.
00:07:54
Speaker 2: And you fall asleep. That's what kind of happened.
00:07:57
Speaker 3: And then you feel guilty like I should have been able to No, your biological clock is not set for the best possible connection and performance when you have sex late.
00:08:08
Speaker 2: At night period.
00:08:09
Speaker 3: And I guess I just had never heard a scientist, a researcher put it like this.
00:08:13
Speaker 2: I also thought this was interesting.
00:08:15
Speaker 3: According to his twenty years of sleep research, only thirty percent of the population are actually night owls. That means seventy percent of people tend to be I don't even know if it's early birds, but have more of a boost and a bounce.
00:08:33
Speaker 1: In the morg Come me to thirty percent. What was that?
00:08:35
Speaker 3: Thirty percent of the population are night owls, meaning they have the majority of their energy at the end of the day.
00:08:40
Speaker 1: So as much as people complain about mourning, most of the folks listening you are mourning people.
00:08:45
Speaker 2: Most people are yes.
00:08:47
Speaker 3: And then they say, even the people who are night owls, this is interesting. In about thirty to forty five minutes after waking, your cortisol curve and testosterones still peak. You just maybe peak thirty four five minutes after you wake up, so it might take you a little longer, you know what you were saying, like, I'm not a morning person, and I actually think maybe this might be me. It takes me thirty to forty five minutes to kind of get out of my fog, get out of my bunk, get my coffee. And so they're saying, for those folks, maybe forty five minutes after you wake up is the perfect time to have sex. So you just kind of you have to figure this out.
00:09:23
Speaker 1: Okay, nobody, Okay, I will take a little I mean practically speaking, nobody gets up, starts the day and then goes back into the bed forty five minutes.
00:09:32
Speaker 3: No, but if you maybe some people will wake up and kind of roll around, Maybe they even scroll on their phone, maybe they use the restroom, but like just giving it a beat sometimes. But regardless, he's still saying it doesn't matter. Morning sex still trumps.
00:09:43
Speaker 2: Now. I mentioned all these hormones. It's interesting what they mean.
00:09:49
Speaker 3: So the estrogen levels for women, we said peak when you wake up in the early hours.
00:09:55
Speaker 2: But what does estrogen do for women?
00:09:56
Speaker 3: It increases sexual desire and lubrication. So you're gonna have you're gonna want sex more, and you're gonna have better sex because of that.
00:10:05
Speaker 1: Okay, swear that makes sense. He just said hornier and wetter in a more clinical way.
00:10:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was trying to avoid that.
00:10:13
Speaker 3: Testosterone obviously peaks in the morning for men, as we pointed out, that leads to a high sex drive and better performance.
00:10:19
Speaker 1: Okay, better better erections. Okay, let's see, you're saying some weird stuff here, clinical scientific, it's Saturday. This isn't Sunday morning. It's okay.
00:10:28
Speaker 3: And then I mentioned cortisol and adrenaline levels are higher. Obviously, that wakes you up, it excites you, it gives you energy.
00:10:36
Speaker 2: So if you combine, basically.
00:10:38
Speaker 3: You have increased sexual desire, increased uh performance, ability, and you're excited just in general, your your adrenaline level, your cortisol levels are up. That is the perfect combination for the best possible sex of the day.
00:10:53
Speaker 2: You're raring to go exactly.
00:10:54
Speaker 1: That's what. However, does he does he make any point about or is there any point to be made? Do people want to have sex in the morning.
00:11:04
Speaker 3: Maybe we're not conditioned to think about that. We're thinking about it later in the day after we've been romanced.
00:11:09
Speaker 1: Now I'm thinking about terrible breath. I'm thinking about no makeup, I'm thinking about people need a moment. I'm thinking about all these things to where your body might be primed, but your body visually you might not think is rare and it.
00:11:29
Speaker 3: Go Okay, that's really funny you mentioned that, because he also did address that. And so what he suggested is, yes, you get up, you go freshen up, and you get oh, because he said that was the biggest complaint was morning breath. Really yep, And so he said easily remedied. You get up, bunny, brush your teeth, maybe wash your face, maybe straighten whatever you want to do. I mean I've done that plenty of times. You get back into bed, and you say, but if you prioritize it and recognize that your body is actually going to experience better sex, You're going to be better connected with your partner. What do you have to jump up, take five minutes, do what you need to do in the bathroom, and come back to bed.
00:12:07
Speaker 2: And if people actually prioritize.
00:12:10
Speaker 3: And may I hate to say a schedule, but know that, hey, this is something we do a lot of mornings, especially on the weekends, when you don't have to be anywhere, it makes sense and your sex will be better period, scientifically prove it.
00:12:23
Speaker 1: I don't know does that take away? Does he addresses all that's spontaneity? It's different. That does sound like planning. That does sound like a different thing versus rolling over and your partner's hand is on your thigh unexpectedly and it's something spontaneous versus you don't have to make out the planning of it all. And yes, what where does does that play into it? I mean the making out part. There is some.
00:12:49
Speaker 2: In the morning making out. I don't know.
00:12:51
Speaker 1: It doesn't why because your breath, yes, smells serraple. Okay, so there are some He addressed some of it. Yes, he just.
00:12:58
Speaker 2: Said, brush your teeth is not that hard. All right.
00:13:01
Speaker 3: When we come back, we're gonna tell you what couples said about having sex in the morning and how they felt differently than they did at night, and what happens if you're a mismatched couple, an early bird Mary's or is in a relationship with the night owl.
00:13:17
Speaker 1: What do you do then see at noon?
00:13:29
Speaker 3: Welcome back everyone to this episode of Amy and TJ. I'm laughing because TJ went into the break yelling, see you at noon, and you're not terribly wrong.
00:13:37
Speaker 1: Is that there is a compromise.
00:13:40
Speaker 2: Well, we'll get into that, but I actually loved hearing what he said.
00:13:46
Speaker 3: Couples related to him after they made a decision to prioritize sex in the morning versus in the evening. So women reported that morning sex made them feel more emotionally present, more connected, with more energy to engage, initiate.
00:14:06
Speaker 2: And enjoy more.
00:14:07
Speaker 3: Women were likely to initiate sex in the morning because they felt more energy, they felt more enjoyment, and once you get into this habit, it feels good and women will like I think men complain about that a lot, that women don't initiate sex as much he's saying that when you get into this pattern or this habit, women will initiate more.
00:14:30
Speaker 1: In the morning. Yes, oh yeah, that would make sense that there is a better performance and interests from a woman who was rested and ready to go and did not just go through all that crap at work with that crappy boss and dealt with those kids and getting that food ready and oh my goodness, saw the soccer uniforms clean. Yes, she's in the morning. You need to catch her in the morning right before all that.
00:14:53
Speaker 3: And that's a really interesting note. And also I love that women. The first thing that just I don't know if the order mattered, but the first thing that he said women said they felt was more emotionally present and connected. The first thing men said is they performed better. That reads that they felt good because they performed better and had more desire. That's what they reported feeling with morning sex. Okay, they could last longer.
00:15:18
Speaker 2: I guess is what that is?
00:15:20
Speaker 1: No, you threw that in there. Where did they actually say is.
00:15:22
Speaker 2: That it was better? No, I just misperformed better. I threw in the lasted longer.
00:15:28
Speaker 3: Anyway, they felt good about what just occurred, mismatched couples.
00:15:32
Speaker 2: Yes, you implied noon.
00:15:34
Speaker 3: The idea is to find compromised zones, is how he put it. So maybe you just decide to have a slightly earlier evening slot or a later morning time. And obviously people's schedules are different, and weekends allow for some some people during the week, it's just not possible with kids. Look, I say early morning sects. Some people's kids get up at five am and jump in their beds. Some people have their kids sleeping with them. Sometimes early mornings aren't possible during the week, but on the weekends you do.
00:16:01
Speaker 2: Have some flexibility.
00:16:02
Speaker 3: So they say, just make it a priority, an earlier evening slot, maybe before you go to dinner or before you hit brunch, but just find the time.
00:16:11
Speaker 2: And you have to have these conversations.
00:16:13
Speaker 1: Oh so this requires planning. You actually have to say, hey, before we go out tonight, let's have sex.
00:16:21
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you get.
00:16:22
Speaker 3: Into a pattern and you find what works for you where you both are into it works.
00:16:26
Speaker 1: But what if you go into the bathroom while she's in there, still in her towel, putting makeup on, and you start kissing her neck. I'm saying that is different than the planning it takes some I don't know, maybe I am a little too much romanticized about how this is supposed to go with the planning. It seems to it could lead to better I guess the point.
00:16:47
Speaker 3: Being is you have the conversation, not hey, babe, can we have sex now because it's later morning and I feel like my cronotype is perfectly aligned now for sex at this moment. No, But I think if you have a general understanding of when you prefer sex or when you feel at your best for sex, you can have that conversation outside of any sex and then.
00:17:08
Speaker 1: Yes, when the moment happens is.
00:17:10
Speaker 3: Not, then yeah, come up behind your wife when she's putting on her makeup and kiss her neck and you'll know this is typically, you know, when we like to have sex where it works for both of us, and you don't have to have a conversation, but you just there's a knowing.
00:17:23
Speaker 2: And so they talked about this.
00:17:24
Speaker 3: Once you understand each other's hormonal profile, your chronotype, meaning when you're most awake and alive and feeling good, there are absolutely for every couple what he calls overlapping windows. Course, so just because someone's a morning person and someone's a night person. Doesn't mean you don't have overlapping windows where you both are feeling frisky hormonally based on your literal hormones that are.
00:17:52
Speaker 2: In your body. Like that, it matters.
00:17:54
Speaker 3: So he just said people do not They haven't considered how important timing is. Timing is everything, and once you know your partner's timing, you can initiate sex and have a better result of it being reciprocated and having a better experience all together. And it makes a lot of sense. I never even thought about that. So he's saying, have the conversation outside of the bedroom and get to know when that person is typically feeling their best, and then that's when you should have sex.
00:18:24
Speaker 1: Well, you use the word frisky, and I kind of got stuck on that. Don't hear that often? That's cute frisky? Are you feeling frisky? Geez?
00:18:34
Speaker 3: Anyway, I thought this was cool, and look, people were interested. He just puts something up on X has a million views, Like immediately people want to have better sex. That makes a lot of sense. And this guy says, Hey, it's all about the timing.
00:18:49
Speaker 1: That's interesting. You don't have to do that's not a big adjustment. It's never have to change something or find out learn some new tricks, go to a sextore. No, you don't need anything, just the clock. Yeah, different timing, all.
00:19:01
Speaker 3: Right, And so we hope this helps everybody enjoy You're welcome.
00:19:05
Speaker 2: No, we want to thank this doctor.
00:19:07
Speaker 3: He did all the research, but we always appreciate you listening to us.
00:19:10
Speaker 2: I may be Robock alongside TJ. Holmes. We'll talk to you soon.
Speaker 1: Hey, everybody, it is Saturday, May thirtieth, and whatever you do, do not have sex tonight. You should have already had it this morning. And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and DJ, an episode that the robes here has been pretty excited to get into. I haven't done a deep dive into this one, but they're telling us robes and having sex at night is not the best way to have good sex.
00:00:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, actually, yes, yes.
00:00:30
Speaker 3: This comes from a psychologist and a sleep exter expert.
00:00:34
Speaker 2: His name is doctor Michael Bruce.
00:00:36
Speaker 3: I don't know if I'm saying his name correctly, but he posted something on X this month. He says, I've been studying sleep for more than twenty years.
00:00:45
Speaker 1: He's a sleep expert, not a sex expert, right, But he.
00:00:48
Speaker 3: Says what he studies is the hormones what makes for good sleep. And there are only two things you do in bed, have sex and sleep, and so the hormones involved with both are something he's been studying.
00:01:02
Speaker 2: And he said everyone's doing it wrong.
00:01:06
Speaker 1: They're doing it wrong. And when he say he's doing it wrong, you're having sex at the wrong time.
00:01:09
Speaker 3: Is that rerect timing is everything? Recording to this doctor Okay, I'm listening. Okay, So research shows can you guess there is an hour where most people are intimate. This is the hour where almost all people, or at least the majority of people, tend to have sex during this hour.
00:01:28
Speaker 1: Uh, probably nine, ten, ten thirty before everybody goes to bed somewhere in there.
00:01:33
Speaker 2: Yes, so it's.
00:01:33
Speaker 3: The hour between ten thirty and eleven thirty PM. Most people are intimate right before they fall asleep, and so that puts that window at ten thirty to eleven thirty pm. We're already in deep sleep and ram sleep at that point, but everyone's got different waking and sleeping patterns.
00:01:53
Speaker 2: But basically the hour before you go to sleep.
00:01:56
Speaker 1: But generally speaking, rome people get to that point in the day most grown with grown folks problems. You're at that point getting it over with sex is not an experience at that point. Sex at that point is just let's do this and let's go to bed. That's there's like brushing your teeth at the end. It's just something you gotta do. That does not make for a passionate night at ten thirty after the day we just had. Yeah, there's not gonna be a lot of energy in that is it?
00:02:21
Speaker 2: So you just made his point.
00:02:22
Speaker 3: He said, the reason why most people have sex between ten thirty and eleven thirty PM at night is because number one, you're already in bed.
00:02:31
Speaker 2: Number two, there are fewer interruptions.
00:02:34
Speaker 3: From work, from your kids, you're not getting messages, you're not getting notifications. And so it turns out it's more about convenience than biology day.
00:02:45
Speaker 2: That's where we're getting it wrong.
00:02:46
Speaker 1: All right, Yes, the day is finally done, so I guess let me seeze this in. That's awful. That's so awful.
00:02:53
Speaker 3: That is what most people do. It's about convenience and opportunity. Those two things come together at ten thirty at night for most people.
00:03:03
Speaker 1: Okay, but then both for the most part, when we have conversations about sex and we see relationships and sex highlighters in whether it's social media, whether it's on television, well it's not about that. It's about connect seeing somebody across the room getting hot for each other. Right, that's what it's about. And we're perpetuating constantly that that's what sex is about, some hot, passionate attraction.
00:03:31
Speaker 3: So we'll have expectations and they are almost certainly not met.
00:03:36
Speaker 2: When we choose to put convenience and.
00:03:39
Speaker 3: Accessibility above that passion, above knowing what actually our bodies are telling us is the right time to have the best sex possible. I think we all want to have good sex, and this doctor is saying it doesn't happen at night.
00:03:55
Speaker 2: And here's why, wait, not at all exactly.
00:04:00
Speaker 3: Or hormones he says, are quote literally the opposite of what makes for quote successful sex, a successful sex in his passionate sex, satisfying sex, amazing sex. When you say, God, that was amazing, it's rarely at nights.
00:04:16
Speaker 1: What does he called the ten thirty at night sex? Then? Convenience just convenient, it's an exercise in just getting it over with.
00:04:24
Speaker 3: Correct And look, I think a lot I think anyone who's been in any sort of romantic relationship will tell you that sex is a really important part of keeping your relationship strong.
00:04:34
Speaker 2: It is important.
00:04:36
Speaker 3: It's not something to just say as an extra or a bonus or a fun every now and then. I think a lot of relationship experts will tell you need to prioritize sex and what that sex is like matters.
00:04:49
Speaker 1: By his argument, then it's possible that someone might think they have a good sex life because they have sex often, but they might be having bad sex. Correct, you're in a bad s X relationship even though you had sex five nights as we.
00:05:02
Speaker 3: Can and maybe yes, just changing when you have sex could make a huge difference. Here's the hormone situation at nights, men and women, right, Okay, I'll get to both. So at night estrogen low progesterone, progesterone low, adrenaline, low testosterone, low cortisol, low, melatonin peaking.
00:05:26
Speaker 2: It is the opposite.
00:05:28
Speaker 3: It's where you don't want your hormones to be when you are about to have sex.
00:05:33
Speaker 1: Okay, So you just describe sleepy sex. Is that what it was? You sit melotone?
00:05:37
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have melotonin peaking, and everything else that would make for good.
00:05:42
Speaker 2: Sex is at its lowest level of the day.
00:05:45
Speaker 1: Yes, and that all day that I'm awake, the lowest level of all those.
00:05:49
Speaker 3: Things need right before you go to bed, okay, seven am. Conversely, cortisol surges fifty percent above its lowest level. Testosterone peaks at seven am or when you wake up, it's about thirty five percent above where it was when it was at its lowest.
00:06:08
Speaker 2: Your melatonin drops.
00:06:10
Speaker 3: Basically he said this at seven am, and he is the exact hormone stack you want for good sex, and it's the stack you wake up with. So I say seven am, but when you wake up, basically, your hormones are at the best possible level they could be at for the best possible sex you could have.
00:06:30
Speaker 1: Did he give Also, you said most people have sex, which did he give any indication of what percentages there are out there? I mean, how often people are having more? I don't know.
00:06:42
Speaker 3: I don't know the answer to that. He was studying hormones and then he did research with couples who were having sex at different time, So I can give you.
00:06:51
Speaker 1: Some of that.
00:06:51
Speaker 3: But he pointed to hey, men, you know you have morning erections. There's a reason why you have morning erections because your testosterone is at its peak. That matters.
00:07:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean that's a thing folks are aware of. I don't think of. I don't hear too often somebody breaking down the why.
00:07:13
Speaker 3: It's the testosterone, and it says, by the way, this is interesting. The surveys and the research he's done show that couples report having better connection and better performance when they have sex in the morning.
00:07:28
Speaker 1: No kidding. You're rested, You're well rested. I'm not getting you at the end of the night, when all energy and life is out of you in interest, maybe might be out of you. Yeah, first thing in the morning. Pop.
00:07:39
Speaker 3: Oh, yes, I think there's this romantic thought though, Like you go out on a date, go to the movies, you go to dinner, and you have a bottle of wine. You've been looking and gazing at each other across the table, and you finally get home and you're exhausted.
00:07:54
Speaker 2: And you fall asleep. That's what kind of happened.
00:07:57
Speaker 3: And then you feel guilty like I should have been able to No, your biological clock is not set for the best possible connection and performance when you have sex late.
00:08:08
Speaker 2: At night period.
00:08:09
Speaker 3: And I guess I just had never heard a scientist, a researcher put it like this.
00:08:13
Speaker 2: I also thought this was interesting.
00:08:15
Speaker 3: According to his twenty years of sleep research, only thirty percent of the population are actually night owls. That means seventy percent of people tend to be I don't even know if it's early birds, but have more of a boost and a bounce.
00:08:33
Speaker 1: In the morg Come me to thirty percent. What was that?
00:08:35
Speaker 3: Thirty percent of the population are night owls, meaning they have the majority of their energy at the end of the day.
00:08:40
Speaker 1: So as much as people complain about mourning, most of the folks listening you are mourning people.
00:08:45
Speaker 2: Most people are yes.
00:08:47
Speaker 3: And then they say, even the people who are night owls, this is interesting. In about thirty to forty five minutes after waking, your cortisol curve and testosterones still peak. You just maybe peak thirty four five minutes after you wake up, so it might take you a little longer, you know what you were saying, like, I'm not a morning person, and I actually think maybe this might be me. It takes me thirty to forty five minutes to kind of get out of my fog, get out of my bunk, get my coffee. And so they're saying, for those folks, maybe forty five minutes after you wake up is the perfect time to have sex. So you just kind of you have to figure this out.
00:09:23
Speaker 1: Okay, nobody, Okay, I will take a little I mean practically speaking, nobody gets up, starts the day and then goes back into the bed forty five minutes.
00:09:32
Speaker 3: No, but if you maybe some people will wake up and kind of roll around, Maybe they even scroll on their phone, maybe they use the restroom, but like just giving it a beat sometimes. But regardless, he's still saying it doesn't matter. Morning sex still trumps.
00:09:43
Speaker 2: Now. I mentioned all these hormones. It's interesting what they mean.
00:09:49
Speaker 3: So the estrogen levels for women, we said peak when you wake up in the early hours.
00:09:55
Speaker 2: But what does estrogen do for women?
00:09:56
Speaker 3: It increases sexual desire and lubrication. So you're gonna have you're gonna want sex more, and you're gonna have better sex because of that.
00:10:05
Speaker 1: Okay, swear that makes sense. He just said hornier and wetter in a more clinical way.
00:10:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was trying to avoid that.
00:10:13
Speaker 3: Testosterone obviously peaks in the morning for men, as we pointed out, that leads to a high sex drive and better performance.
00:10:19
Speaker 1: Okay, better better erections. Okay, let's see, you're saying some weird stuff here, clinical scientific, it's Saturday. This isn't Sunday morning. It's okay.
00:10:28
Speaker 3: And then I mentioned cortisol and adrenaline levels are higher. Obviously, that wakes you up, it excites you, it gives you energy.
00:10:36
Speaker 2: So if you combine, basically.
00:10:38
Speaker 3: You have increased sexual desire, increased uh performance, ability, and you're excited just in general, your your adrenaline level, your cortisol levels are up. That is the perfect combination for the best possible sex of the day.
00:10:53
Speaker 2: You're raring to go exactly.
00:10:54
Speaker 1: That's what. However, does he does he make any point about or is there any point to be made? Do people want to have sex in the morning.
00:11:04
Speaker 3: Maybe we're not conditioned to think about that. We're thinking about it later in the day after we've been romanced.
00:11:09
Speaker 1: Now I'm thinking about terrible breath. I'm thinking about no makeup, I'm thinking about people need a moment. I'm thinking about all these things to where your body might be primed, but your body visually you might not think is rare and it.
00:11:29
Speaker 3: Go Okay, that's really funny you mentioned that, because he also did address that. And so what he suggested is, yes, you get up, you go freshen up, and you get oh, because he said that was the biggest complaint was morning breath. Really yep, And so he said easily remedied. You get up, bunny, brush your teeth, maybe wash your face, maybe straighten whatever you want to do. I mean I've done that plenty of times. You get back into bed, and you say, but if you prioritize it and recognize that your body is actually going to experience better sex, You're going to be better connected with your partner. What do you have to jump up, take five minutes, do what you need to do in the bathroom, and come back to bed.
00:12:07
Speaker 2: And if people actually prioritize.
00:12:10
Speaker 3: And may I hate to say a schedule, but know that, hey, this is something we do a lot of mornings, especially on the weekends, when you don't have to be anywhere, it makes sense and your sex will be better period, scientifically prove it.
00:12:23
Speaker 1: I don't know does that take away? Does he addresses all that's spontaneity? It's different. That does sound like planning. That does sound like a different thing versus rolling over and your partner's hand is on your thigh unexpectedly and it's something spontaneous versus you don't have to make out the planning of it all. And yes, what where does does that play into it? I mean the making out part. There is some.
00:12:49
Speaker 2: In the morning making out. I don't know.
00:12:51
Speaker 1: It doesn't why because your breath, yes, smells serraple. Okay, so there are some He addressed some of it. Yes, he just.
00:12:58
Speaker 2: Said, brush your teeth is not that hard. All right.
00:13:01
Speaker 3: When we come back, we're gonna tell you what couples said about having sex in the morning and how they felt differently than they did at night, and what happens if you're a mismatched couple, an early bird Mary's or is in a relationship with the night owl.
00:13:17
Speaker 1: What do you do then see at noon?
00:13:29
Speaker 3: Welcome back everyone to this episode of Amy and TJ. I'm laughing because TJ went into the break yelling, see you at noon, and you're not terribly wrong.
00:13:37
Speaker 1: Is that there is a compromise.
00:13:40
Speaker 2: Well, we'll get into that, but I actually loved hearing what he said.
00:13:46
Speaker 3: Couples related to him after they made a decision to prioritize sex in the morning versus in the evening. So women reported that morning sex made them feel more emotionally present, more connected, with more energy to engage, initiate.
00:14:06
Speaker 2: And enjoy more.
00:14:07
Speaker 3: Women were likely to initiate sex in the morning because they felt more energy, they felt more enjoyment, and once you get into this habit, it feels good and women will like I think men complain about that a lot, that women don't initiate sex as much he's saying that when you get into this pattern or this habit, women will initiate more.
00:14:30
Speaker 1: In the morning. Yes, oh yeah, that would make sense that there is a better performance and interests from a woman who was rested and ready to go and did not just go through all that crap at work with that crappy boss and dealt with those kids and getting that food ready and oh my goodness, saw the soccer uniforms clean. Yes, she's in the morning. You need to catch her in the morning right before all that.
00:14:53
Speaker 3: And that's a really interesting note. And also I love that women. The first thing that just I don't know if the order mattered, but the first thing that he said women said they felt was more emotionally present and connected. The first thing men said is they performed better. That reads that they felt good because they performed better and had more desire. That's what they reported feeling with morning sex. Okay, they could last longer.
00:15:18
Speaker 2: I guess is what that is?
00:15:20
Speaker 1: No, you threw that in there. Where did they actually say is.
00:15:22
Speaker 2: That it was better? No, I just misperformed better. I threw in the lasted longer.
00:15:28
Speaker 3: Anyway, they felt good about what just occurred, mismatched couples.
00:15:32
Speaker 2: Yes, you implied noon.
00:15:34
Speaker 3: The idea is to find compromised zones, is how he put it. So maybe you just decide to have a slightly earlier evening slot or a later morning time. And obviously people's schedules are different, and weekends allow for some some people during the week, it's just not possible with kids. Look, I say early morning sects. Some people's kids get up at five am and jump in their beds. Some people have their kids sleeping with them. Sometimes early mornings aren't possible during the week, but on the weekends you do.
00:16:01
Speaker 2: Have some flexibility.
00:16:02
Speaker 3: So they say, just make it a priority, an earlier evening slot, maybe before you go to dinner or before you hit brunch, but just find the time.
00:16:11
Speaker 2: And you have to have these conversations.
00:16:13
Speaker 1: Oh so this requires planning. You actually have to say, hey, before we go out tonight, let's have sex.
00:16:21
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you get.
00:16:22
Speaker 3: Into a pattern and you find what works for you where you both are into it works.
00:16:26
Speaker 1: But what if you go into the bathroom while she's in there, still in her towel, putting makeup on, and you start kissing her neck. I'm saying that is different than the planning it takes some I don't know, maybe I am a little too much romanticized about how this is supposed to go with the planning. It seems to it could lead to better I guess the point.
00:16:47
Speaker 3: Being is you have the conversation, not hey, babe, can we have sex now because it's later morning and I feel like my cronotype is perfectly aligned now for sex at this moment. No, But I think if you have a general understanding of when you prefer sex or when you feel at your best for sex, you can have that conversation outside of any sex and then.
00:17:08
Speaker 1: Yes, when the moment happens is.
00:17:10
Speaker 3: Not, then yeah, come up behind your wife when she's putting on her makeup and kiss her neck and you'll know this is typically, you know, when we like to have sex where it works for both of us, and you don't have to have a conversation, but you just there's a knowing.
00:17:23
Speaker 2: And so they talked about this.
00:17:24
Speaker 3: Once you understand each other's hormonal profile, your chronotype, meaning when you're most awake and alive and feeling good, there are absolutely for every couple what he calls overlapping windows. Course, so just because someone's a morning person and someone's a night person. Doesn't mean you don't have overlapping windows where you both are feeling frisky hormonally based on your literal hormones that are.
00:17:52
Speaker 2: In your body. Like that, it matters.
00:17:54
Speaker 3: So he just said people do not They haven't considered how important timing is. Timing is everything, and once you know your partner's timing, you can initiate sex and have a better result of it being reciprocated and having a better experience all together. And it makes a lot of sense. I never even thought about that. So he's saying, have the conversation outside of the bedroom and get to know when that person is typically feeling their best, and then that's when you should have sex.
00:18:24
Speaker 1: Well, you use the word frisky, and I kind of got stuck on that. Don't hear that often? That's cute frisky? Are you feeling frisky? Geez?
00:18:34
Speaker 3: Anyway, I thought this was cool, and look, people were interested. He just puts something up on X has a million views, Like immediately people want to have better sex. That makes a lot of sense. And this guy says, Hey, it's all about the timing.
00:18:49
Speaker 1: That's interesting. You don't have to do that's not a big adjustment. It's never have to change something or find out learn some new tricks, go to a sextore. No, you don't need anything, just the clock. Yeah, different timing, all.
00:19:01
Speaker 3: Right, And so we hope this helps everybody enjoy You're welcome.
00:19:05
Speaker 2: No, we want to thank this doctor.
00:19:07
Speaker 3: He did all the research, but we always appreciate you listening to us.
00:19:10
Speaker 2: I may be Robock alongside TJ. Holmes. We'll talk to you soon.