Aug. 27, 2026
Why Do Men Date Younger Women After Divorce? We Got The Answer!
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RSS Feed The men are taking over! Brian Austin Green, Bob Guiney, and Mr. Right are giving you the male perspective on your burning questions - and there is no sugarcoating going on here!
Why do men tend to date younger after divorce? Is it ever OK to date your ex’s friend after you split? What are the rules for dating when you’re separated vs. divorced? They are covering it all!
Email us at: IDOPOD@iheartradio.com or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)
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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
00:00:18
Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of I Do Part Two.
00:00:21
Speaker 2: This is a cool one.
00:00:23
Speaker 1: I'm excited about this one. I'm your celebrity mentor, Brian Austin Green. And today, the guys... are taking over, which is, this is a big deal. We don't get to do this very often. A lot of women here, so Guy's perspective is really fun. I'm here with Bachelor Nation's Bob Guinea. Bob, what's going.
00:00:40
Speaker 2: On, brother? What's up, Brian? Good to see you, buddy. And our resident real-life single guy, Mr. Right. Okay, so we're all divorced.
00:00:50
Speaker 1: We're in different chapters of our lives, and today we're going to answer some questions, and we're going to give our honest takes. You can always call us at 844-443-6763, or you can send us an email.
00:01:03
Speaker 2: All the info is in the show notes. What do you say guys? You say we jump into these? Let's get into it. I'm excited. Cool. Right on. This first one is a, is a voicemail from Brittany.
00:01:15
Speaker 3: Hi, my name's Brittany and I am on my second marriage. I do a lot of work on myself and I, You know, I've been in therapy, I understand the benefits of therapy, and I made it a priority in my life. I'm now in a long-term relationship with a man who is divorced, and he's never been to therapy, and I really think he needs it. I really think everybody needs it. So how do I get him to understand that therapy is a good thing and not.
00:01:52
Speaker 3: A weakness and it's a good tool to have.
00:01:57
Speaker 2: Help me.
00:01:58
Speaker 1: Thank you.
00:01:59
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:01:59
Speaker 1: That's a, I definitely have an opinion on that. Either of you two want to go first? I'll take the, I'll take this one.
00:02:07
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:02:07
Speaker 4: A little scared, a little scared, but I'll take it. Don't be, don't be scared. I will say, you know, I think it, therapy is a very personal choice, right? So like at the end of the day, I think if, you know, it worked for Brittany, that's great. Uh, you know, and at the end of the day, if the guy that she's with, um, you know, didn't feel like therapy was for him, you got to respect that part of it.
00:02:29
Speaker 2: But at the end of the day, Brittany saying, I feel like he needs it. Right. So clearly they're going through something. Well, I think she's, I think she's saying that he, he doesn't do it at all. Right.
00:02:38
Speaker 1: That he's never doesn't think he needs it. So he's never even really given it a shot.
00:02:43
Speaker 2: Yeah. And I'll say this, man, I I'm, I'm a Midwestern boy.
00:02:46
Speaker 5: Right.
00:02:47
Speaker 4: So when I got divorced, I was like, Therapy, shmeropy. We started going to marriage counseling actually first and the marriage counselor ended up becoming my therapist.
00:02:57
Speaker 2: And I loved it.
00:02:58
Speaker 4: And quite honestly, I got so much out of it, more so than I ever anticipated. And I think at the end of the day, it was a huge benefit for me. Look, I mean, at the end of the day, I think we've all been there. Even if you want to get divorced or you don't want to get divorced, it sucks. You got feelings that are tied up in that and talking to somebody who... isn't related to you or doesn't have an ax to grind is kind of a nice thing to have.
00:03:25
Speaker 2: So I'm all for it.
00:03:27
Speaker 5: But I think the question was about not only going to therapy, but the question was like suggesting it. And I would just be cautious because suggesting to a guy therapy is like suggesting to a girl a treadmill.
00:03:40
Speaker 2: Like you might have the.
00:03:41
Speaker 5: Best intentions in mind, but it's the interpretation of that.
00:03:44
Speaker 1: Which is exactly why he didn't want his name listed at the front.
00:03:48
Speaker 5: If you guys want to sugarcoat it, that's fine. But I'm just telling you how things sound to other people. And again, like suggesting something like therapy can sound like, hey, there is something.
00:03:58
Speaker 2: Wrong with you. You need to go get that fixed. Right. And you're not doing it on your own.
00:04:03
Speaker 5: So you need help. And so you have to be very delicate about because it's a very personal thing. And then the, like the first reaction is to get defensive. The first reaction thing. Okay. I thought I was what's wrong with me.
00:04:16
Speaker 4: Right. Right.
00:04:17
Speaker 2: I think if you're going to, you just gotta be careful on how you approach it.
00:04:20
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:04:20
Speaker 2: I think, I think it's a fine there. There's a fine line.
00:04:23
Speaker 1: There's a, there's a detail to like, make sure you pay attention to of what's worked for you and what you're just suggesting because it worked for you compared to something that is really needed. Like, you know, are you guys in a place? where you feel like, God, we're really sort of missing each other on a lot of what we're talking about.
00:04:41
Speaker 2: And we need more of a mediator.
00:04:44
Speaker 1: We need somebody that is sort of middle ground to hear both sides and help us come together. Or is it just, you know, I've dated people before that are like, that swear by therapy. So right away, they're like, hey, we should go in and start. And it's like, I'm nowhere near ready for, like, we're fine.
00:05:02
Speaker 2: Like, I'm fine.
00:05:04
Speaker 1: I've gotten to a point in my own life where I can sort of self, you know, deal with these things on my own.
00:05:12
Speaker 2: Like I've learned tools to deal with these.
00:05:15
Speaker 1: So therapy isn't necessarily something that I feel that we're missing. I think, so I think that that is the natural conversation to have is like, you know, do you feel like we're missing something? And if you do, then let's talk about what you feel like we're missing. And if we still are two ships that are passing each other on this, then yeah, let's talk about going in somewhere and maybe gaining some tools from somebody.
00:05:38
Speaker 2: That's good, Brian. I think that's really smart.
00:05:40
Speaker 1: I think that's a really slippery slope. You know, I think that can be misconstrued easily. Like, Hey, so what are you saying?
00:05:47
Speaker 2: Like I'm up. Yeah. Like something's wrong with me.
00:05:49
Speaker 5: I mean, even, I mean, like even as you think of Sopranos, if you watch that, those, that, that, that series Sopranos hit, you know, Tony Soprano, the lead character, this big macho guy goes into a therapist and everyone sees it as weakness.
00:06:02
Speaker 2: And it's a stigma.
00:06:03
Speaker 5: And again, I, we, I went to marriage counseling, a therapist, I've done the whole thing. So I'm not, I'm not saying that's the case. but there's just a stigma around it. So I think that it's important to maybe let the, let your partner find themselves there, find them agreeing as opposed to saying, you need to go to therapy.
00:06:20
Speaker 2: We're not right. This is wrong.
00:06:22
Speaker 5: If there's a way to go and kind of like have that conversation where it's not directing towards it, but presenting it as a potential solution, I think is it's, there's a delicate, I don't know, balance to it.
00:06:32
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:06:33
Speaker 1: I think, I think the key is like having a conversation about it beforehand, having conversations, being willing to have.
00:06:39
Speaker 2: A real conversation about it, like.
00:06:41
Speaker 1: Get down into it and go is the, and talk about why you feel you, you know, something is missing and, and how it would help and really getting into the weeds on that. And then if it's, if you guys, I think both come to the conclusion that therapy is a great next step, then you do, then you do that, but don't, don't push for it. If it's something, if there's stuff going on that can be resolved just amongst the two of you, I think if he shows resistance to it, you're, that's a, that's a tough thing to get into.
00:07:14
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:07:15
Speaker 5: Or just save like 250 bucks an hour and just have more sex. But that's the other, that's a professional opinion that I heard one time in the back of a magazine.
00:07:27
Speaker 1: We're going to get into some emails. I got to say like, I, it's really hard doing this sometimes. Like I wish that Brittany was, actually live on the phone with us so we could have a conversation with her and we can ask her some questions and pick her brain a little bit before we just give advice because advice is tricky. I don't know all of the details. I only know her side in the voicemail that she left. But now it's getting even harder because we're just going straight into emails, which people tend to write even less than they speak.
00:08:08
Speaker 2: This first one is anonymous. Okay. Seriously.
00:08:12
Speaker 1: Is anyone dating their own age? If I want to find a guy, I need to date someone 10 years younger. I've been divorced for seven years and all the guys I meet only seem to date majority younger women.
00:08:24
Speaker 2: You're looking in the wrong pool. It depends.
00:08:26
Speaker 1: Like if you want something serious, stop, you know, stop going to my advice, stop going on dating apps and meeting guys that only seem to want to date younger because there are a large number of men that do not want to date younger that are in that place in their life where they want something real yeah you know that they they're looking for something to.
00:08:50
Speaker 2: Somebody to really add to.
00:08:51
Speaker 1: Their lives so that that's it's a big ocean man it's a big it seems it's a big pool to to be dating in and so maybe you're going to the wrong ymca I.
00:09:02
Speaker 2: Mean, let's call a spade a spade.
00:09:05
Speaker 5: I mean, if you were to just go and generalize, you would say that divorced guys tend to date younger girls. And I think that that's just sort of because there is something that they're looking for that they didn't obviously get from their partner.
00:09:22
Speaker 2: Or their partner didn't get from them.
00:09:24
Speaker 5: And so it's a little bit like, you know, if you've made a mistake, why make the same mistake again? So try something different. And again, I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but it certainly is a pattern. And, um, you know, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't just like every other dating category. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But I think the initial reaction for any guy that's getting out of a long-term relationship, you know, AKA marriage, is to try something different. Something that is foreign to them, something that they may have missed.
00:09:56
Speaker 1: Do you feel though like different sometimes is something that is easier and less serious? That is something because my marriage, I was married for a while and like we were really in this together and it got serious. It wasn't just fun and games at this point. So now that I'm out of this, I just want something fun and easy going. I don't like, I don't want to have to do the work necessarily. So I'm looking for someone younger because I just want to play. I just want to, it's been serious for however many years. I just want to have fun.
00:10:27
Speaker 2: Like I want.
00:10:28
Speaker 1: Someone that just laughs and doesn't have the responsibilities the same way. Because then again, it's that thing of like, what are you looking for? If you're, if you're looking for a real relationship, if you're looking to really get into something with someone, you've got to find someone that has gone through that stage of being single after a long-term thing.
00:10:52
Speaker 2: And there's nothing wrong with that.
00:10:53
Speaker 1: Like to me, it's, I think it's really valuable when you get out of something long-term to find yourself again and to find the fun in, in, in yourself that you may have lost, that you may have compartmentalized because you wanted this marriage to work. And you know, the, and that with kids and the responsibilities became something that something different, but now you're out of that. So you want to, so go through that. But once you get to the point where you want something real, then you've got to maybe change your, change the scope and the direction that you're looking.
00:11:31
Speaker 2: I think you nailed that.
00:11:32
Speaker 4: I honestly, I was thinking about myself, you know, and you can only go from your own personal experiences, but I think you really nailed that, Brian, because initially when I came out of my divorce, I only was like, I'm never getting married again.
00:11:43
Speaker 2: I'm just going to have fun.
00:11:44
Speaker 4: And so I was gravitating to people who were a little less at that point where they're looking for marriage, right? And then ultimately ended up marrying someone who was younger than me, but was it just at that stage more mature and everything? It's just, it wasn't like I was looking for it. And so I think you're absolutely right. I think it seems that people are dating younger because maybe they are just trying to have fun, less committed, just enjoying their time. But then if they find the right person, it doesn't matter what age they are.
00:12:14
Speaker 2: Right. I mean, as long as I straight legal, of course. So there is, so there is.
00:12:18
Speaker 5: This, this sort of like connotation between, you know, guys, you know, like my age, um, you know, divorced and dating somebody in my same category, there is this, um, this idea that there, that another person may want to get married right away. And so if you're dating somebody that is also of your same age and same situation, whether this is true or not, there is, I think there's a, there's sort of a connotation that yes, they're going to want to get married right away, or they're going to want to have a serious relationship right away or whatever. Whereas dating younger, just to Brian's point earlier, where it's like, okay, this is more, this is looser. This is more fun. This is not as serious. And you're able to go and do that. And if you bounce around from you know, one younger person to another younger person, they don't have some of the same responsibilities. They don't have the same tie downs. And they mean, you know, kids and life and all these things that you might feel more responsible and guilty for dating short term. I think it's easier with somebody younger.
00:13:14
Speaker 2: And that can go for men or women.
00:13:17
Speaker 5: I think there's something easier and less, I think, I don't know, less heavy about dating somebody that's younger than you.
00:13:25
Speaker 2: I think it can be deceiving though.
00:13:26
Speaker 1: Like you can end up in a situation with someone that's younger, but they're only, they're, they're only young for so long. And then they start getting to the age where they, you know, they want to have kids and they want to settle down a little bit and then maybe they get pregnant.
00:13:40
Speaker 2: And then all of a sudden it's like, Oh man, okay.
00:13:42
Speaker 1: Now I'm with a woman that is completely different from the girl that I started dating before. And like, it is a, it's a natural progression for everyone. And then And then I think, like, do you jump ship again? And you go, no, I want something easy again. Like this is, you know, like it's, this has become too responsible and I don't want to deal with this again. So let me go into something that's easy. Like how, how long do you do that in life before you go, okay, you know what? It's, it's time to put my big boy pants on. you know, and sit down and realize that like, I, my time of fun and play is done.
00:14:20
Speaker 2: Like now it's time to pass the torch. Yeah.
00:14:23
Speaker 5: Dating and relationships are two different things. I think we just have to like make sure we separate those things because if you go on a date with somebody, it doesn't mean you want a relationship with them yet.
00:14:32
Speaker 4: Sure.
00:14:32
Speaker 5: And maybe it happens later on, but I think, you know, commonly, if you were just, you know, just generally you see, you know, that men and women go and we'll date differently than what they were married to. They will seek something different because what they had wasn't working. Now, ultimately, they might find themselves migrating back to what's comfortable and what's known. And maybe they have a better set of tools to deal with that situation going forward just because they're mature and they have the experience. But I think that for the first period, whether that's a year or 18 months or two years or five years, kind of all bets are off. And I think that that is more of an exploratory time.
00:15:07
Speaker 2: For sure. Mr.
00:15:09
Speaker 4: Wright, has that been your experience? Are you speaking from... from your personal experience so far, or how's that going?
00:15:14
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:15:14
Speaker 2: I mean, it's, it's funny.
00:15:15
Speaker 5: Like perspective right now is like, you know, I, I was, I was married for a long time, three beautiful kids. Like, you know, life was, you know, was, was amazing. That version of my life was, you know, the best and then it wasn't. And then, so the idea of, of going right back into the version of my life that wasn't great is tough. Going back to the part of my life that was great and all those memories that we had together and all those things, that was a while ago. So there is this sort of, I don't know, there's this part of me that says, I want to seek out that time in my life when it was fun and it was exciting and it was new and we were taking on the world. And so maybe over time it comes back to where I come back to where I am now, I suppose.
00:16:04
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:16:04
Speaker 5: But, but, but, you know, it's, it's something that you kind of seek out. You seek out something exciting, new, different, and, and hopefully it, it, you know, it satisfies something that hasn't been satisfied in a long time.
00:16:16
Speaker 2: I got really lucky.
00:16:17
Speaker 1: Like I, I ended up with someone who is a great mixture of both. She's she is unbelievable with the kids. Like she is just has the schedules and the stuff down. And like, it's really, it's a focus for her, but at the same time, We have this rule of going on adventures and doing these things and taking these times for ourselves and really having fun and enjoying those times. And I think, you know, you can find both. I think it's really, um, you being in a mind state, like in a place where you have healed enough to go, okay, I'm all right with both things. It's, um, I got to a point where I was like, okay, I don't want to just play anymore. Like I'm, you know, I, at my age, second half of my life, like I don't, I'm all about building my legacy and being the person that I want to be. And I don't want to be the guy that's too young in the club and going out.
00:17:21
Speaker 2: Like, I don't want to be that dude.
00:17:23
Speaker 1: Um, but it's just a choice for me, but it is date dating. When you're out of something is, can be a sticky situation.
00:17:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is.
00:17:32
Speaker 5: And there's this like image that my buddies have talked about when there's a guy that's, you're like a wounded animal, you know, and you're not quite yourself. You know, you're like, you know, you're just, you're out of sorts and you're coming out of something and you still, you know, you still feel like you're a big, strong animal.
00:17:50
Speaker 2: Person, but like you're wounded. You're not, yeah, you're not, you're not nearly as strong as you think.
00:17:54
Speaker 5: No. And, uh, and a lot of it's bravado, a lot of it's, you know, and that's why, that's why I bought a yellow Corvette convertible just to make up for it.
00:18:03
Speaker 2: Fair. Okay. Perfect. There you go.
00:18:16
Speaker 1: This next email, this is a tricky one. is from, well, I mean, tricky adjacent. This next email is from Steven. He says, I was married for 12 years. During my marriage, all we did was hang out with other married couples. When I decided to officially file for divorce earlier this year, it was hard because I also lost a lot of those couple friends. I started dating four months ago and I ended up matching on a dating app with a woman who was one of those couple friends. It turns out her husband split around the same time as we did. I always thought she was attractive but didn't cross the line when we were friends. We've gone on a few dates now and I'm interested in getting to know her more. Do I have to tell my ex-wife I'm seeing someone she was friends with? Do I have to tell this woman's ex-husband because I used to hang around him at times?
00:19:04
Speaker 2: Is this even a good idea to pursue?
00:19:07
Speaker 4: Look, I mean, there is no way that anyone is going to believe what Stephen is saying here.
00:19:13
Speaker 2: I'm just saying it out loud. Stephen, come on, bro.
00:19:17
Speaker 4: I mean, you just happened to swipe right on this particular profile. You didn't even see the picture and it was just shocking.
00:19:22
Speaker 2: Here we are. Oh my gosh. Come on, bro. Like at the end of the day, and she happened to get divorced too.
00:19:28
Speaker 4: What?
00:19:29
Speaker 2: What the hell?
00:19:30
Speaker 4: How?
00:19:31
Speaker 2: I mean, in all the, come on.
00:19:33
Speaker 4: I mean, it's pretty obvious to me that there is going to be a lot of noise around this in their little community. little league practice and everything else. My advice would be swipe the other way and move on. Because at the end of the day, this is going to cause grief if they've got kids if they've got you know i mean we we all have children and we all know you don't where you eat and at the end of the day if you're going to choose to do that there's gonna be we've all taught our children this too i'm sure because i i know you guys i i know of you both as really good fathers but At the end of the day, there are consequences for actions taken. And there is no way to avoid the stigma that will come with this little disaster, in my opinion. Now, if this is the only person for you and this is it, then you know what?
00:20:25
Speaker 2: Then take your lumps and go for it. But there's going to be a lot of fallout. That's just my thoughts.
00:20:30
Speaker 5: I mean, dating and relationships are hard enough without bringing in this whole dark cloud that's hovering above you to start day one. Now, sometimes... Sometimes like that can bring a couple together closely. It's like, it's us against the world.
00:20:45
Speaker 2: No, they don't understand. Yeah.
00:20:47
Speaker 5: But then if there's a little fissure, a little crack that gets in that relationship, it just explodes. And I, and I've seen it firsthand. I've seen the first part where it's like, Oh no, no, it's, you know, they don't understand us. You know, we're soulmates and whatever else. And then when doubt and creep and real world sneaks in, then all of a sudden you're like, wow, this has got a lot more complicated than it needed to.
00:21:08
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:21:08
Speaker 1: I think it's important to really be honest about it. Like if Bob, if this, if this whole email is bullshit and it like, this was something that from the very beginning, that was kind of like both of their little secrets and whatever. And then they saw, then yeah, there's, there's something weird to that and you're going to face real adversity with it. If it is a genuine like real thing where, you know, nothing ever was done. Nothing was ever spoken about it. And he was single for a while and then happened to be on a dating app and she is single also. And there's something real and genuine and they share, um, they share this history from them all hanging out together. And now, you know, you got to think like all of these, all of these couples, what he's saying, all of these couples that they were friends with, he's no longer friends with because they.
00:22:06
Speaker 2: All went with his now ex-wife.
00:22:09
Speaker 1: Yeah. So, you know, at, at what point, at what point do you go, um, like, I'm not close to these people anyway. And like, I need to care about myself and we have a genuine connection and this is something we really want to explore. And I'm not so concerned with what these other couples think because I, we're not friends anymore anyway. And I, you know, I don't know how the situation is with his ex-wife. I, I don't know. Are they dealing with kids? Are they trying to co-parent? There are a lot of things within this that are missing, but he doesn't mention any of those. He doesn't mention that we're co-parenting or we have kids or any of that. So when he asks at the end, is this even a good idea to pursue? I think that's only a question that he can answer. I think we can give our advice. There are a million different ways to look at this situation, but I think he's the only one that can really step back and look at the whole thing and go, you know what, how, uh, how much does this mean to me to possibly have to deal with pushback from other people?
00:23:20
Speaker 2: Do I care?
00:23:21
Speaker 1: You know, was it, was it, is it genuine and wholesome to begin with? Or was there a bit of foul play early on that somebody can point to?
00:23:30
Speaker 2: There are a lot of layers.
00:23:33
Speaker 1: And I think, you know, I think sometimes people ask for advice because they want someone to make a decision for them. And I think in a situation like this, nobody can, I can give you advice from all the different sides. The three of us can sit together and we can dissect it and we can go, Ooh, from this side, it sucks from this side.
00:23:52
Speaker 2: It's okay.
00:23:53
Speaker 1: But you're, you know, And Stephen, you're the one that is going to have to ask those hard questions of yourself and see what it is you're really in.
00:24:02
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is like that pro-con graph, right? You do the pro and the con and the risk and the reward.
00:24:07
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
00:24:08
Speaker 4: I mean, like you said, though, Brian, we're peeling an onion here. At the end of the day, if there are no kids involved and there really was no fishy business and all that kind of stuff, well, then.
00:24:18
Speaker 2: That's a totally different story, I guess.
00:24:21
Speaker 4: But yeah, he's the only one that can make that determination and figure out if it's going to be worth the grief he's going to get.
00:24:38
Speaker 1: I feel the same way about this next email question. This is from Stacy. And she says, what are the rules when dating, when you're separated versus divorced?
00:24:45
Speaker 2: That is like, what? Yeah.
00:24:48
Speaker 1: Well, you're the only one that knows the rules. I can't tell you the rules. If you guys are separated because it's like, Hey, we're done. We're just calling it a separation right now. So it's easier for the people around us, but we're done with this and we're moving on.
00:25:02
Speaker 2: Then can move on.
00:25:03
Speaker 1: If you're, if you're separating because you want to take time away and then get back to get, then that is a very different situation. I, you don't date to me.
00:25:14
Speaker 2: You don't date during those situations. You take time apart.
00:25:17
Speaker 1: You take time apart to find yourself, to find your own happiness, to find your own stuff. But then the ultimate goal is to then sit back down together and go, you know, do we do this again or do we not? I think as soon as you start involving other stuff, it can become a really sticky situation. And then something that maybe you're not really willing to get out of, you have completely destroyed because you were dating someone.
00:25:45
Speaker 2: During the time when you were separated? What do you guys think about that? Let's take it from the other side. So, okay.
00:25:49
Speaker 5: So let's take it from somebody that's, you know, that is single and you meet somebody that is separated, not divorced or going through a divorce. And, you know, that is, that is also a very sticky situation to get into, you know, cause you don't know what they're, what those people are going through. And if, oh, we're just, we're separated, but I'm out on a date. It's like, you are getting yourself like, I get at the dangerous place to be is to be dating somebody that's not totally, totally divorced because there is a level of, of testing going on. There's a level of explore exploration going on. And so, I mean, it might be super fun, but it also could be incredibly messy.
00:26:30
Speaker 1: Isn't, but I mean, isn't that inherently what the, what separated means compared to divorce? Isn't it like we, you know, divorce is a much more final word than separated. Separated is like hey, we happen to be in two different cities right now for our jobs and our things, and so we're taking some time apart. Divorce is very, very much final, I think. It's sort of the next step. Is separation that next step, or is it just a step that you're, you can go on dates, that's fine. You shouldn't be actually dating, dating, spending time and really connecting with someone.
00:27:11
Speaker 2: I don't think I.
00:27:12
Speaker 5: Dated a girl and, um, you know, and I was, we were, um, going through our divorce. Uh, you know, and, and, and where I live, there's, it's a certain amount of time that has to pass before it's official, official, official, but we were, you know, by all intents and, and, you know, we were, we were divorced, but it wasn't official. And that was a, that was kind of a no-go. She's like, no, I don't, I don't want to go and get involved in this. I don't, you know, once you're divorced all the way, we can, you know, let's, let's, let's pick this back up. But, um, going and for somebody else to get involved in somebody else's relationship, especially as kids, it's been a long time. Does the other person actually think you're divorced? Do the kids think you're divorced? Or are you the only one that thinks that you're divorced?
00:27:55
Speaker 2: Right. Yeah. Are you just sort of acting on your own rules?
00:27:58
Speaker 1: Or have you guys made rules together of like, this is what our separation looks like. This is what a healthy separation would look like for me. I can't deal with more than this, but this is fine.
00:28:11
Speaker 2: Let's do this.
00:28:12
Speaker 4: You guys, I got a buddy who literally is going through something like this right now.
00:28:16
Speaker 2: And we just talked about this two days ago. So this is kind of unbelievable.
00:28:19
Speaker 4: This question came up and my thing with him and it was actually his thing as well was I said, and he's the one who wants this.
00:28:25
Speaker 2: He's the one who wants the separation. Cause I think that's also kind of important.
00:28:30
Speaker 4: Like if you're, if you're agreeing on that mutually, then you can kind of establish these ground rules.
00:28:34
Speaker 1: Right.
00:28:35
Speaker 4: But he's the one who's like, listen here, we have to pump the brakes on this.
00:28:37
Speaker 2: There's a lot going on.
00:28:39
Speaker 4: And I just said to him, I was like, I was like, I think I said, what have you guys decided about, you know, with what you're going to do dating, you know, that kind of stuff. He's like, well, we can, he's like, he's like, I don't even want to dabble in that. He's like, because if we sleep with somebody, in my opinion, it's over. Right. And he's like, so why put myself in a situation where of course I'm going to be attracted to someone who has, none of the issues that I can tell from the first date that my current partner has.
00:29:06
Speaker 2: He's like, but he's like, we've got three children.
00:29:09
Speaker 4: He's like, I just want some time to work on me and I'm hopeful she'll work on her. And so he's like, and my, my goal is to get us back together and we both have no baggage to talk about and we can move forward.
00:29:21
Speaker 2: And I, and I thought that was, I gotta be honest.
00:29:23
Speaker 4: I was impressed by his maturity on that because I honestly didn't think that was what I was going to hear from him.
00:29:29
Speaker 2: And it was like, damn, Okay, good for you.
00:29:32
Speaker 1: I think the key phrase in that is that we're going to work on ourselves. So it's like that that means, that doesn't mean you're going to work on yourself with someone else and see if there's more to offer there or it's better for you. It's that thing of like, I'm going to work on myself and I'm going to be honest with myself and like, I can hang out with other people and do stuff, but it's just more for the purpose of finding myself Again, it's not for the purpose of seeing what.
00:29:59
Speaker 2: Else is out there.
00:30:02
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:30:02
Speaker 2: Perfect.
00:30:03
Speaker 1: Guys, guys, guys, I'm going to stop you right now. We have a ton more emails and questions to get through. So I say we, we come back again and we finish this off. You guys have been fantastic. Everybody stay tuned.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of I Do Part Two.
00:00:21
Speaker 2: This is a cool one.
00:00:23
Speaker 1: I'm excited about this one. I'm your celebrity mentor, Brian Austin Green. And today, the guys... are taking over, which is, this is a big deal. We don't get to do this very often. A lot of women here, so Guy's perspective is really fun. I'm here with Bachelor Nation's Bob Guinea. Bob, what's going.
00:00:40
Speaker 2: On, brother? What's up, Brian? Good to see you, buddy. And our resident real-life single guy, Mr. Right. Okay, so we're all divorced.
00:00:50
Speaker 1: We're in different chapters of our lives, and today we're going to answer some questions, and we're going to give our honest takes. You can always call us at 844-443-6763, or you can send us an email.
00:01:03
Speaker 2: All the info is in the show notes. What do you say guys? You say we jump into these? Let's get into it. I'm excited. Cool. Right on. This first one is a, is a voicemail from Brittany.
00:01:15
Speaker 3: Hi, my name's Brittany and I am on my second marriage. I do a lot of work on myself and I, You know, I've been in therapy, I understand the benefits of therapy, and I made it a priority in my life. I'm now in a long-term relationship with a man who is divorced, and he's never been to therapy, and I really think he needs it. I really think everybody needs it. So how do I get him to understand that therapy is a good thing and not.
00:01:52
Speaker 3: A weakness and it's a good tool to have.
00:01:57
Speaker 2: Help me.
00:01:58
Speaker 1: Thank you.
00:01:59
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:01:59
Speaker 1: That's a, I definitely have an opinion on that. Either of you two want to go first? I'll take the, I'll take this one.
00:02:07
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:02:07
Speaker 4: A little scared, a little scared, but I'll take it. Don't be, don't be scared. I will say, you know, I think it, therapy is a very personal choice, right? So like at the end of the day, I think if, you know, it worked for Brittany, that's great. Uh, you know, and at the end of the day, if the guy that she's with, um, you know, didn't feel like therapy was for him, you got to respect that part of it.
00:02:29
Speaker 2: But at the end of the day, Brittany saying, I feel like he needs it. Right. So clearly they're going through something. Well, I think she's, I think she's saying that he, he doesn't do it at all. Right.
00:02:38
Speaker 1: That he's never doesn't think he needs it. So he's never even really given it a shot.
00:02:43
Speaker 2: Yeah. And I'll say this, man, I I'm, I'm a Midwestern boy.
00:02:46
Speaker 5: Right.
00:02:47
Speaker 4: So when I got divorced, I was like, Therapy, shmeropy. We started going to marriage counseling actually first and the marriage counselor ended up becoming my therapist.
00:02:57
Speaker 2: And I loved it.
00:02:58
Speaker 4: And quite honestly, I got so much out of it, more so than I ever anticipated. And I think at the end of the day, it was a huge benefit for me. Look, I mean, at the end of the day, I think we've all been there. Even if you want to get divorced or you don't want to get divorced, it sucks. You got feelings that are tied up in that and talking to somebody who... isn't related to you or doesn't have an ax to grind is kind of a nice thing to have.
00:03:25
Speaker 2: So I'm all for it.
00:03:27
Speaker 5: But I think the question was about not only going to therapy, but the question was like suggesting it. And I would just be cautious because suggesting to a guy therapy is like suggesting to a girl a treadmill.
00:03:40
Speaker 2: Like you might have the.
00:03:41
Speaker 5: Best intentions in mind, but it's the interpretation of that.
00:03:44
Speaker 1: Which is exactly why he didn't want his name listed at the front.
00:03:48
Speaker 5: If you guys want to sugarcoat it, that's fine. But I'm just telling you how things sound to other people. And again, like suggesting something like therapy can sound like, hey, there is something.
00:03:58
Speaker 2: Wrong with you. You need to go get that fixed. Right. And you're not doing it on your own.
00:04:03
Speaker 5: So you need help. And so you have to be very delicate about because it's a very personal thing. And then the, like the first reaction is to get defensive. The first reaction thing. Okay. I thought I was what's wrong with me.
00:04:16
Speaker 4: Right. Right.
00:04:17
Speaker 2: I think if you're going to, you just gotta be careful on how you approach it.
00:04:20
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:04:20
Speaker 2: I think, I think it's a fine there. There's a fine line.
00:04:23
Speaker 1: There's a, there's a detail to like, make sure you pay attention to of what's worked for you and what you're just suggesting because it worked for you compared to something that is really needed. Like, you know, are you guys in a place? where you feel like, God, we're really sort of missing each other on a lot of what we're talking about.
00:04:41
Speaker 2: And we need more of a mediator.
00:04:44
Speaker 1: We need somebody that is sort of middle ground to hear both sides and help us come together. Or is it just, you know, I've dated people before that are like, that swear by therapy. So right away, they're like, hey, we should go in and start. And it's like, I'm nowhere near ready for, like, we're fine.
00:05:02
Speaker 2: Like, I'm fine.
00:05:04
Speaker 1: I've gotten to a point in my own life where I can sort of self, you know, deal with these things on my own.
00:05:12
Speaker 2: Like I've learned tools to deal with these.
00:05:15
Speaker 1: So therapy isn't necessarily something that I feel that we're missing. I think, so I think that that is the natural conversation to have is like, you know, do you feel like we're missing something? And if you do, then let's talk about what you feel like we're missing. And if we still are two ships that are passing each other on this, then yeah, let's talk about going in somewhere and maybe gaining some tools from somebody.
00:05:38
Speaker 2: That's good, Brian. I think that's really smart.
00:05:40
Speaker 1: I think that's a really slippery slope. You know, I think that can be misconstrued easily. Like, Hey, so what are you saying?
00:05:47
Speaker 2: Like I'm up. Yeah. Like something's wrong with me.
00:05:49
Speaker 5: I mean, even, I mean, like even as you think of Sopranos, if you watch that, those, that, that, that series Sopranos hit, you know, Tony Soprano, the lead character, this big macho guy goes into a therapist and everyone sees it as weakness.
00:06:02
Speaker 2: And it's a stigma.
00:06:03
Speaker 5: And again, I, we, I went to marriage counseling, a therapist, I've done the whole thing. So I'm not, I'm not saying that's the case. but there's just a stigma around it. So I think that it's important to maybe let the, let your partner find themselves there, find them agreeing as opposed to saying, you need to go to therapy.
00:06:20
Speaker 2: We're not right. This is wrong.
00:06:22
Speaker 5: If there's a way to go and kind of like have that conversation where it's not directing towards it, but presenting it as a potential solution, I think is it's, there's a delicate, I don't know, balance to it.
00:06:32
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:06:33
Speaker 1: I think, I think the key is like having a conversation about it beforehand, having conversations, being willing to have.
00:06:39
Speaker 2: A real conversation about it, like.
00:06:41
Speaker 1: Get down into it and go is the, and talk about why you feel you, you know, something is missing and, and how it would help and really getting into the weeds on that. And then if it's, if you guys, I think both come to the conclusion that therapy is a great next step, then you do, then you do that, but don't, don't push for it. If it's something, if there's stuff going on that can be resolved just amongst the two of you, I think if he shows resistance to it, you're, that's a, that's a tough thing to get into.
00:07:14
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:07:15
Speaker 5: Or just save like 250 bucks an hour and just have more sex. But that's the other, that's a professional opinion that I heard one time in the back of a magazine.
00:07:27
Speaker 1: We're going to get into some emails. I got to say like, I, it's really hard doing this sometimes. Like I wish that Brittany was, actually live on the phone with us so we could have a conversation with her and we can ask her some questions and pick her brain a little bit before we just give advice because advice is tricky. I don't know all of the details. I only know her side in the voicemail that she left. But now it's getting even harder because we're just going straight into emails, which people tend to write even less than they speak.
00:08:08
Speaker 2: This first one is anonymous. Okay. Seriously.
00:08:12
Speaker 1: Is anyone dating their own age? If I want to find a guy, I need to date someone 10 years younger. I've been divorced for seven years and all the guys I meet only seem to date majority younger women.
00:08:24
Speaker 2: You're looking in the wrong pool. It depends.
00:08:26
Speaker 1: Like if you want something serious, stop, you know, stop going to my advice, stop going on dating apps and meeting guys that only seem to want to date younger because there are a large number of men that do not want to date younger that are in that place in their life where they want something real yeah you know that they they're looking for something to.
00:08:50
Speaker 2: Somebody to really add to.
00:08:51
Speaker 1: Their lives so that that's it's a big ocean man it's a big it seems it's a big pool to to be dating in and so maybe you're going to the wrong ymca I.
00:09:02
Speaker 2: Mean, let's call a spade a spade.
00:09:05
Speaker 5: I mean, if you were to just go and generalize, you would say that divorced guys tend to date younger girls. And I think that that's just sort of because there is something that they're looking for that they didn't obviously get from their partner.
00:09:22
Speaker 2: Or their partner didn't get from them.
00:09:24
Speaker 5: And so it's a little bit like, you know, if you've made a mistake, why make the same mistake again? So try something different. And again, I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but it certainly is a pattern. And, um, you know, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't just like every other dating category. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But I think the initial reaction for any guy that's getting out of a long-term relationship, you know, AKA marriage, is to try something different. Something that is foreign to them, something that they may have missed.
00:09:56
Speaker 1: Do you feel though like different sometimes is something that is easier and less serious? That is something because my marriage, I was married for a while and like we were really in this together and it got serious. It wasn't just fun and games at this point. So now that I'm out of this, I just want something fun and easy going. I don't like, I don't want to have to do the work necessarily. So I'm looking for someone younger because I just want to play. I just want to, it's been serious for however many years. I just want to have fun.
00:10:27
Speaker 2: Like I want.
00:10:28
Speaker 1: Someone that just laughs and doesn't have the responsibilities the same way. Because then again, it's that thing of like, what are you looking for? If you're, if you're looking for a real relationship, if you're looking to really get into something with someone, you've got to find someone that has gone through that stage of being single after a long-term thing.
00:10:52
Speaker 2: And there's nothing wrong with that.
00:10:53
Speaker 1: Like to me, it's, I think it's really valuable when you get out of something long-term to find yourself again and to find the fun in, in, in yourself that you may have lost, that you may have compartmentalized because you wanted this marriage to work. And you know, the, and that with kids and the responsibilities became something that something different, but now you're out of that. So you want to, so go through that. But once you get to the point where you want something real, then you've got to maybe change your, change the scope and the direction that you're looking.
00:11:31
Speaker 2: I think you nailed that.
00:11:32
Speaker 4: I honestly, I was thinking about myself, you know, and you can only go from your own personal experiences, but I think you really nailed that, Brian, because initially when I came out of my divorce, I only was like, I'm never getting married again.
00:11:43
Speaker 2: I'm just going to have fun.
00:11:44
Speaker 4: And so I was gravitating to people who were a little less at that point where they're looking for marriage, right? And then ultimately ended up marrying someone who was younger than me, but was it just at that stage more mature and everything? It's just, it wasn't like I was looking for it. And so I think you're absolutely right. I think it seems that people are dating younger because maybe they are just trying to have fun, less committed, just enjoying their time. But then if they find the right person, it doesn't matter what age they are.
00:12:14
Speaker 2: Right. I mean, as long as I straight legal, of course. So there is, so there is.
00:12:18
Speaker 5: This, this sort of like connotation between, you know, guys, you know, like my age, um, you know, divorced and dating somebody in my same category, there is this, um, this idea that there, that another person may want to get married right away. And so if you're dating somebody that is also of your same age and same situation, whether this is true or not, there is, I think there's a, there's sort of a connotation that yes, they're going to want to get married right away, or they're going to want to have a serious relationship right away or whatever. Whereas dating younger, just to Brian's point earlier, where it's like, okay, this is more, this is looser. This is more fun. This is not as serious. And you're able to go and do that. And if you bounce around from you know, one younger person to another younger person, they don't have some of the same responsibilities. They don't have the same tie downs. And they mean, you know, kids and life and all these things that you might feel more responsible and guilty for dating short term. I think it's easier with somebody younger.
00:13:14
Speaker 2: And that can go for men or women.
00:13:17
Speaker 5: I think there's something easier and less, I think, I don't know, less heavy about dating somebody that's younger than you.
00:13:25
Speaker 2: I think it can be deceiving though.
00:13:26
Speaker 1: Like you can end up in a situation with someone that's younger, but they're only, they're, they're only young for so long. And then they start getting to the age where they, you know, they want to have kids and they want to settle down a little bit and then maybe they get pregnant.
00:13:40
Speaker 2: And then all of a sudden it's like, Oh man, okay.
00:13:42
Speaker 1: Now I'm with a woman that is completely different from the girl that I started dating before. And like, it is a, it's a natural progression for everyone. And then And then I think, like, do you jump ship again? And you go, no, I want something easy again. Like this is, you know, like it's, this has become too responsible and I don't want to deal with this again. So let me go into something that's easy. Like how, how long do you do that in life before you go, okay, you know what? It's, it's time to put my big boy pants on. you know, and sit down and realize that like, I, my time of fun and play is done.
00:14:20
Speaker 2: Like now it's time to pass the torch. Yeah.
00:14:23
Speaker 5: Dating and relationships are two different things. I think we just have to like make sure we separate those things because if you go on a date with somebody, it doesn't mean you want a relationship with them yet.
00:14:32
Speaker 4: Sure.
00:14:32
Speaker 5: And maybe it happens later on, but I think, you know, commonly, if you were just, you know, just generally you see, you know, that men and women go and we'll date differently than what they were married to. They will seek something different because what they had wasn't working. Now, ultimately, they might find themselves migrating back to what's comfortable and what's known. And maybe they have a better set of tools to deal with that situation going forward just because they're mature and they have the experience. But I think that for the first period, whether that's a year or 18 months or two years or five years, kind of all bets are off. And I think that that is more of an exploratory time.
00:15:07
Speaker 2: For sure. Mr.
00:15:09
Speaker 4: Wright, has that been your experience? Are you speaking from... from your personal experience so far, or how's that going?
00:15:14
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:15:14
Speaker 2: I mean, it's, it's funny.
00:15:15
Speaker 5: Like perspective right now is like, you know, I, I was, I was married for a long time, three beautiful kids. Like, you know, life was, you know, was, was amazing. That version of my life was, you know, the best and then it wasn't. And then, so the idea of, of going right back into the version of my life that wasn't great is tough. Going back to the part of my life that was great and all those memories that we had together and all those things, that was a while ago. So there is this sort of, I don't know, there's this part of me that says, I want to seek out that time in my life when it was fun and it was exciting and it was new and we were taking on the world. And so maybe over time it comes back to where I come back to where I am now, I suppose.
00:16:04
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:16:04
Speaker 5: But, but, but, you know, it's, it's something that you kind of seek out. You seek out something exciting, new, different, and, and hopefully it, it, you know, it satisfies something that hasn't been satisfied in a long time.
00:16:16
Speaker 2: I got really lucky.
00:16:17
Speaker 1: Like I, I ended up with someone who is a great mixture of both. She's she is unbelievable with the kids. Like she is just has the schedules and the stuff down. And like, it's really, it's a focus for her, but at the same time, We have this rule of going on adventures and doing these things and taking these times for ourselves and really having fun and enjoying those times. And I think, you know, you can find both. I think it's really, um, you being in a mind state, like in a place where you have healed enough to go, okay, I'm all right with both things. It's, um, I got to a point where I was like, okay, I don't want to just play anymore. Like I'm, you know, I, at my age, second half of my life, like I don't, I'm all about building my legacy and being the person that I want to be. And I don't want to be the guy that's too young in the club and going out.
00:17:21
Speaker 2: Like, I don't want to be that dude.
00:17:23
Speaker 1: Um, but it's just a choice for me, but it is date dating. When you're out of something is, can be a sticky situation.
00:17:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is.
00:17:32
Speaker 5: And there's this like image that my buddies have talked about when there's a guy that's, you're like a wounded animal, you know, and you're not quite yourself. You know, you're like, you know, you're just, you're out of sorts and you're coming out of something and you still, you know, you still feel like you're a big, strong animal.
00:17:50
Speaker 2: Person, but like you're wounded. You're not, yeah, you're not, you're not nearly as strong as you think.
00:17:54
Speaker 5: No. And, uh, and a lot of it's bravado, a lot of it's, you know, and that's why, that's why I bought a yellow Corvette convertible just to make up for it.
00:18:03
Speaker 2: Fair. Okay. Perfect. There you go.
00:18:16
Speaker 1: This next email, this is a tricky one. is from, well, I mean, tricky adjacent. This next email is from Steven. He says, I was married for 12 years. During my marriage, all we did was hang out with other married couples. When I decided to officially file for divorce earlier this year, it was hard because I also lost a lot of those couple friends. I started dating four months ago and I ended up matching on a dating app with a woman who was one of those couple friends. It turns out her husband split around the same time as we did. I always thought she was attractive but didn't cross the line when we were friends. We've gone on a few dates now and I'm interested in getting to know her more. Do I have to tell my ex-wife I'm seeing someone she was friends with? Do I have to tell this woman's ex-husband because I used to hang around him at times?
00:19:04
Speaker 2: Is this even a good idea to pursue?
00:19:07
Speaker 4: Look, I mean, there is no way that anyone is going to believe what Stephen is saying here.
00:19:13
Speaker 2: I'm just saying it out loud. Stephen, come on, bro.
00:19:17
Speaker 4: I mean, you just happened to swipe right on this particular profile. You didn't even see the picture and it was just shocking.
00:19:22
Speaker 2: Here we are. Oh my gosh. Come on, bro. Like at the end of the day, and she happened to get divorced too.
00:19:28
Speaker 4: What?
00:19:29
Speaker 2: What the hell?
00:19:30
Speaker 4: How?
00:19:31
Speaker 2: I mean, in all the, come on.
00:19:33
Speaker 4: I mean, it's pretty obvious to me that there is going to be a lot of noise around this in their little community. little league practice and everything else. My advice would be swipe the other way and move on. Because at the end of the day, this is going to cause grief if they've got kids if they've got you know i mean we we all have children and we all know you don't where you eat and at the end of the day if you're going to choose to do that there's gonna be we've all taught our children this too i'm sure because i i know you guys i i know of you both as really good fathers but At the end of the day, there are consequences for actions taken. And there is no way to avoid the stigma that will come with this little disaster, in my opinion. Now, if this is the only person for you and this is it, then you know what?
00:20:25
Speaker 2: Then take your lumps and go for it. But there's going to be a lot of fallout. That's just my thoughts.
00:20:30
Speaker 5: I mean, dating and relationships are hard enough without bringing in this whole dark cloud that's hovering above you to start day one. Now, sometimes... Sometimes like that can bring a couple together closely. It's like, it's us against the world.
00:20:45
Speaker 2: No, they don't understand. Yeah.
00:20:47
Speaker 5: But then if there's a little fissure, a little crack that gets in that relationship, it just explodes. And I, and I've seen it firsthand. I've seen the first part where it's like, Oh no, no, it's, you know, they don't understand us. You know, we're soulmates and whatever else. And then when doubt and creep and real world sneaks in, then all of a sudden you're like, wow, this has got a lot more complicated than it needed to.
00:21:08
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:21:08
Speaker 1: I think it's important to really be honest about it. Like if Bob, if this, if this whole email is bullshit and it like, this was something that from the very beginning, that was kind of like both of their little secrets and whatever. And then they saw, then yeah, there's, there's something weird to that and you're going to face real adversity with it. If it is a genuine like real thing where, you know, nothing ever was done. Nothing was ever spoken about it. And he was single for a while and then happened to be on a dating app and she is single also. And there's something real and genuine and they share, um, they share this history from them all hanging out together. And now, you know, you got to think like all of these, all of these couples, what he's saying, all of these couples that they were friends with, he's no longer friends with because they.
00:22:06
Speaker 2: All went with his now ex-wife.
00:22:09
Speaker 1: Yeah. So, you know, at, at what point, at what point do you go, um, like, I'm not close to these people anyway. And like, I need to care about myself and we have a genuine connection and this is something we really want to explore. And I'm not so concerned with what these other couples think because I, we're not friends anymore anyway. And I, you know, I don't know how the situation is with his ex-wife. I, I don't know. Are they dealing with kids? Are they trying to co-parent? There are a lot of things within this that are missing, but he doesn't mention any of those. He doesn't mention that we're co-parenting or we have kids or any of that. So when he asks at the end, is this even a good idea to pursue? I think that's only a question that he can answer. I think we can give our advice. There are a million different ways to look at this situation, but I think he's the only one that can really step back and look at the whole thing and go, you know what, how, uh, how much does this mean to me to possibly have to deal with pushback from other people?
00:23:20
Speaker 2: Do I care?
00:23:21
Speaker 1: You know, was it, was it, is it genuine and wholesome to begin with? Or was there a bit of foul play early on that somebody can point to?
00:23:30
Speaker 2: There are a lot of layers.
00:23:33
Speaker 1: And I think, you know, I think sometimes people ask for advice because they want someone to make a decision for them. And I think in a situation like this, nobody can, I can give you advice from all the different sides. The three of us can sit together and we can dissect it and we can go, Ooh, from this side, it sucks from this side.
00:23:52
Speaker 2: It's okay.
00:23:53
Speaker 1: But you're, you know, And Stephen, you're the one that is going to have to ask those hard questions of yourself and see what it is you're really in.
00:24:02
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is like that pro-con graph, right? You do the pro and the con and the risk and the reward.
00:24:07
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
00:24:08
Speaker 4: I mean, like you said, though, Brian, we're peeling an onion here. At the end of the day, if there are no kids involved and there really was no fishy business and all that kind of stuff, well, then.
00:24:18
Speaker 2: That's a totally different story, I guess.
00:24:21
Speaker 4: But yeah, he's the only one that can make that determination and figure out if it's going to be worth the grief he's going to get.
00:24:38
Speaker 1: I feel the same way about this next email question. This is from Stacy. And she says, what are the rules when dating, when you're separated versus divorced?
00:24:45
Speaker 2: That is like, what? Yeah.
00:24:48
Speaker 1: Well, you're the only one that knows the rules. I can't tell you the rules. If you guys are separated because it's like, Hey, we're done. We're just calling it a separation right now. So it's easier for the people around us, but we're done with this and we're moving on.
00:25:02
Speaker 2: Then can move on.
00:25:03
Speaker 1: If you're, if you're separating because you want to take time away and then get back to get, then that is a very different situation. I, you don't date to me.
00:25:14
Speaker 2: You don't date during those situations. You take time apart.
00:25:17
Speaker 1: You take time apart to find yourself, to find your own happiness, to find your own stuff. But then the ultimate goal is to then sit back down together and go, you know, do we do this again or do we not? I think as soon as you start involving other stuff, it can become a really sticky situation. And then something that maybe you're not really willing to get out of, you have completely destroyed because you were dating someone.
00:25:45
Speaker 2: During the time when you were separated? What do you guys think about that? Let's take it from the other side. So, okay.
00:25:49
Speaker 5: So let's take it from somebody that's, you know, that is single and you meet somebody that is separated, not divorced or going through a divorce. And, you know, that is, that is also a very sticky situation to get into, you know, cause you don't know what they're, what those people are going through. And if, oh, we're just, we're separated, but I'm out on a date. It's like, you are getting yourself like, I get at the dangerous place to be is to be dating somebody that's not totally, totally divorced because there is a level of, of testing going on. There's a level of explore exploration going on. And so, I mean, it might be super fun, but it also could be incredibly messy.
00:26:30
Speaker 1: Isn't, but I mean, isn't that inherently what the, what separated means compared to divorce? Isn't it like we, you know, divorce is a much more final word than separated. Separated is like hey, we happen to be in two different cities right now for our jobs and our things, and so we're taking some time apart. Divorce is very, very much final, I think. It's sort of the next step. Is separation that next step, or is it just a step that you're, you can go on dates, that's fine. You shouldn't be actually dating, dating, spending time and really connecting with someone.
00:27:11
Speaker 2: I don't think I.
00:27:12
Speaker 5: Dated a girl and, um, you know, and I was, we were, um, going through our divorce. Uh, you know, and, and, and where I live, there's, it's a certain amount of time that has to pass before it's official, official, official, but we were, you know, by all intents and, and, you know, we were, we were divorced, but it wasn't official. And that was a, that was kind of a no-go. She's like, no, I don't, I don't want to go and get involved in this. I don't, you know, once you're divorced all the way, we can, you know, let's, let's, let's pick this back up. But, um, going and for somebody else to get involved in somebody else's relationship, especially as kids, it's been a long time. Does the other person actually think you're divorced? Do the kids think you're divorced? Or are you the only one that thinks that you're divorced?
00:27:55
Speaker 2: Right. Yeah. Are you just sort of acting on your own rules?
00:27:58
Speaker 1: Or have you guys made rules together of like, this is what our separation looks like. This is what a healthy separation would look like for me. I can't deal with more than this, but this is fine.
00:28:11
Speaker 2: Let's do this.
00:28:12
Speaker 4: You guys, I got a buddy who literally is going through something like this right now.
00:28:16
Speaker 2: And we just talked about this two days ago. So this is kind of unbelievable.
00:28:19
Speaker 4: This question came up and my thing with him and it was actually his thing as well was I said, and he's the one who wants this.
00:28:25
Speaker 2: He's the one who wants the separation. Cause I think that's also kind of important.
00:28:30
Speaker 4: Like if you're, if you're agreeing on that mutually, then you can kind of establish these ground rules.
00:28:34
Speaker 1: Right.
00:28:35
Speaker 4: But he's the one who's like, listen here, we have to pump the brakes on this.
00:28:37
Speaker 2: There's a lot going on.
00:28:39
Speaker 4: And I just said to him, I was like, I was like, I think I said, what have you guys decided about, you know, with what you're going to do dating, you know, that kind of stuff. He's like, well, we can, he's like, he's like, I don't even want to dabble in that. He's like, because if we sleep with somebody, in my opinion, it's over. Right. And he's like, so why put myself in a situation where of course I'm going to be attracted to someone who has, none of the issues that I can tell from the first date that my current partner has.
00:29:06
Speaker 2: He's like, but he's like, we've got three children.
00:29:09
Speaker 4: He's like, I just want some time to work on me and I'm hopeful she'll work on her. And so he's like, and my, my goal is to get us back together and we both have no baggage to talk about and we can move forward.
00:29:21
Speaker 2: And I, and I thought that was, I gotta be honest.
00:29:23
Speaker 4: I was impressed by his maturity on that because I honestly didn't think that was what I was going to hear from him.
00:29:29
Speaker 2: And it was like, damn, Okay, good for you.
00:29:32
Speaker 1: I think the key phrase in that is that we're going to work on ourselves. So it's like that that means, that doesn't mean you're going to work on yourself with someone else and see if there's more to offer there or it's better for you. It's that thing of like, I'm going to work on myself and I'm going to be honest with myself and like, I can hang out with other people and do stuff, but it's just more for the purpose of finding myself Again, it's not for the purpose of seeing what.
00:29:59
Speaker 2: Else is out there.
00:30:02
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:30:02
Speaker 2: Perfect.
00:30:03
Speaker 1: Guys, guys, guys, I'm going to stop you right now. We have a ton more emails and questions to get through. So I say we, we come back again and we finish this off. You guys have been fantastic. Everybody stay tuned.